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Sacred Marriage

4.22 of 5 stars 4.22  ·  rating details  ·  5,568 ratings  ·  378 reviews
Your marriage is more than a sacred covenant with another person.
It is a spiritual discipline designed to help you know God better, trust him more fully, and love him more deeply.

Scores of books have been written that offer guidance for building the marriage of your dreams. But what if Gods primary intent for your marriage isn't to make you happy . . . but holy? And what
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Published July 25th 2008 by Zondervan (first published January 1st 2000)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Victoria
This book began with several problems for me, and really the best chapters come toward the end. First, I wasn't particularly fond of the portrayal of women in the book as always housewives or working women "toppled by their ambition." I couldn't decide if this was because Thomas's own wife was a housewife and so that was the male-female relationship he knew more to speak about, which seems reasonable, or if he very firmly holds to a complementarian view of men and women, which often is a tricky ...more
D. Robert Pease
This book is absolutely amazing. The tag on the cover sums it up: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" This is a ground-breaking concept in today's world of serial divorces. We seem to shop for spouses like we shop for new clothes. When the marriage gets difficult, or just worn out, we get a new wife or husband.

But what if marriage is supposed to be hard? What if the "worse" in for better or for worse is pretty much a guarantee, and designed by God, to dra
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Jl
I got rid of my copy before finishing it (roughly four years ago). Between my incomplete reading and poor memory, I am probably doing the book a disservice. But here are some of my criticisms:
1. I don’t think the main purpose of marriage is to make us holy rather than happy. Marriage was portrayed as a crucible designed to reveal our selfishness and sinfulness. If God instituted marriage before the Fall, I don’t see how the hypothesis can hold up. Yes, God can, and does, use everything in our li
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Shannon
For the first time in four or five years, I did a Bible Study this summer that wasn't an inductive study. To be quite honest, I was a bit fearful that I would hate doing a book study. I can't stand "how to" books and really hate being led by the nose to a specific conclusion. (Issues with authority, you think?) So I was pleasantly surprised to find myself really enjoy this book. Here's why:

#1) This isn't a how to book. Instead of giving us a list of things to do to make our marriages better, Tho
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Brett Mclaughlin
"Sacred Marriage" continues to be my go-to book on marriage (which by definition for me could be restated as "Christian marriage"). This is my third reading, and I still find myself underlining, "hmm"-ing out loud, and learning. Thomas treats marriage with a respect far greater toward God than for happiness, and that makes this book unique and profound.

The subtitle explains the premise of the book: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" This question is one t
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Skylar Burris
Sacred Marriage is “not a book that seeks to tell you how to have a happier marriage.” It’s not even a book that seeks to tell you how to have a better marriage than you currently have. It is, rather, a book that tells you how to endure your marriage. Cheery, no? But if you accept marriage as a life-long proposition, then chances are, there will be times, perhaps seasons, when you simply do have to endure it, and I have yet to discover another book that advises people how to endure those times w ...more
Cori
So why would the unmarried girl want to read a book about marriage? Well, my recently married friend Brittney was reading it in a couples Bible study. She said thought was helpful for married people, but she really wanted to give it to all her unmarried friends because she thought it would set up some more realistic expectations for marriage (what, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns?). And seeing as most of our single friends would tell her where she could kindly stick the book, she thought I wo ...more
Katie
This book is full of interesting insights and things to think about and to be fair, I think I would get a lot more out of it if I re-read it a time or two. I don't read a lot of books on marriage or parenting anymore because you have to admit the formula of "you're doin' it wrong, let me show you the one true way!" gets really old not to mention contradictory and confusing. What I love most about this book is that is NOT at all like that. You won't find 7 tips to communicate better, or sex secre ...more
Chin Hwa
A thought-provoking and challenging book on the way marriage can be used to build character and foster a servant-hearted, humble attitude in each spouse. When the media is saturated with notions of self-fulfillment and romance as the most important elements of a happy marriage, Gary Thomas paints a picture of what he calls a "sacred marriage", shaped by sacrificial love and the spiritual disciplines of forgiveness, perseverance, and respect.

Some gems from the book:

'When disagreements arise, the
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April Knapp
Original Review posted HERE

I think every married couple should read this book! Of course, if you are not a believer in Jesus, you probably won't like it. But, I found the book both comforting and challenging.

Gary Thomas writes in a way that's easy to understand and follow with several appropriate anecdotes to illustrate his points. I usually have a hard time reading non-fiction, but this book flowed nicely. It took me a long time to read because there is so much meat in it to process!

Furthermore
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Karen
This book could have been condensed into one chapter. In my opinion, he's a little too heavy-handed with the whole idea of marriage as a spiritual discipline. Although there is some element of truth in what he's saying, he comes across as being himself in a pretty joyless marriage due to having married very young. I will confess that part of my annoyance with the book is his complementarian view of gender roles, which I staunchly disagree with. But not a bad read entirely. He is right in that mo ...more
Pete Foley
Excellent book on marriage which right out of the gate challenges the prevailing social myths about marriage and its purpose in society. Thomas starts off with a quick review of the Romantic period and its influence on how we perceive marriage and what we expect out of it: un-dying romantic love and bliss, a partner who's focused solely on your needs, etc. He points out that this is a relatively recent phenomenon and that marriage was not always perceived this way. He then posits a pretty pivota ...more
Michelle
My women's group used this book to guide discussions on a weekly basis for about six months. The group contained women with kids, without kids, single, divorce, remarried, widowed, and with traditional marriages. Everyone got something out of the discussions that took place despite their current situation. The author uses a lot of examples to try to get points across. Some are better than others, but all were helpful in getting the discussion going. The one chapter we lingered on the longest was ...more
Karly Noelle Abreu
A powerful look at marriage as a means to making you "holy", not "happy". This isn't a book that advocates staying in an unhealthy relationship, nor an anti-divorce rhetoric. Rather, it is a book that teaches that marriage has a place in an active and healthy spiritual life, and is a spiritual calling, as much as celibacy was to the faithful nuns and monks of the middle ages. Marriage is a joy and a gift, but also a training ground and mirror for our relationship to Christ. Gary Thomas' concise ...more
Erin
I read the first few chapters of this book when I was newly engaged, as my pastor recommended it to my husband and I to read as part of our per-marriage counseling. In the throes of my soon-to-be-wed state, I didn't take the words of this book too seriously. I thought to myself, "Of course I'm going to love and serve my husband. Of course I am going to grow spiritually. Dissension in my marriage??? NEVER!" However, five years have passed and I revisited this book, reading it through to the end. ...more
Peter Coleman
It is an empty victory when we imagine that we have somehow guarded ourselves against the influences of a corrupt culture by throwing a string of letters before every video game, television show and movie, warning us of the dangers that lay beyond. The trouble is that there are perfectly clean movies that are free of obscene language, nudity and violence yet still portray a system of values out of sync with a Christian worldview. Though far more subtle, it is these dangers that can destroy the h ...more
Sarah
Jun 14, 2008 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Christians preparing for marriage
Shelves: marriage, books-i-own
I'm never sure what I'll get when I pick up a Christian book on marriage; some can be gimmicky or cliched or simply tiresome. But there are definitely some gems out there, and I count Sacred Marriage among them.

Instead of asking how spirituality shapes married life, Gary Thomas asks how marriage can shape our spirituality. This is the very question I have been pondering since I began thinking about marriage as a form of radical discipleship. Thomas considers what it means to say that marriage i
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Mike E.
This book is also worth reading but falls short of the "must read" marriage book that I am searching for. Thomas writes, "This is a book that looks beyond marriage. Spiritual growth is the main theme; marriage is simply the context."

His primary theme is reflected by his rhetorical question, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" To which I would respond--what if even this question makes marriage something that it's not? Marriage is indeed the most important h
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Ray

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
My new favorite marriage book, August 11, 2005


I used to give out copies of Bryan Chapell's wonderful Each for the Other. Before that my favorite book on marriage had been Mike Mason The Mystery of Marriage. Thomas is my new favorite.

He shows that the design of marriage is not for our mere happiness. It is so much greater than that. Its central purpose is our holiness. In this approach, God alone is acknowledged as Lord of our lives. He is cent
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Kalena
4.5*** There was a lot to appreciate in this book. The only reason I did not give it 5 stars is because it was written by a man, Gary Thomas. That sounded a little crazy, so let me explain. He wrote largely from his point of view as a husband and man seeking God, so while I found it very helpful and even inspiring that men out there work so hard at their marriage and relationship with God, there was just something missing. Overall, this book encourages you to accept marriage as a challenge for m ...more
Scott
I think this is a must-read for all couples who are married or planning on getting married. Thomas presents marriage not as something God created for us to be happy but to be holy. Marriage is a full-time ministry that we engage in with another person. It's not going to be easy but you will learn a lot. Most of all, Thomas stresses that if we can't love our spouse, with whom we will be most intimate with in all the good and bad, how can we love others? It's easier to love others when we don't kn ...more
Richard Kuhn
This is a tweener, better than three stars but not quite 4. I listened to the Audio version of this book and it was enjoyable. It's not so much about what makes a good marriage, but realizing marriage is an example of God's love for us, and the life we are supposed to mostly resemble on Earth-the life of Jesus. A very interesting concept to say the least.

SACRED MARRIAGE definitely opened many doors of thought for me. The idea of marriage as an example of living the "Godly" life puts a completely
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Christina
This is a strong book on marriage as a means to spiritual maturity. The topics are interesting, the personal stories are compelling, and the research is deep. It might be a bit heavy on the historical facts, but this is how the author describes his style of writing in the epilogue: "My mission has been, and continues to be, to integrate Scripture, church history, and the Christian classics, and then to apply that wisdom to today." I found this to be true, and because of this combination of facto ...more
Anna Hardin


If you have trouble getting through the book, I advise watching the DVD series. It is excellent, and gets to the heart of what he is saying much more quickly and easily. I never made it to the end of the book, but the DVDs were easy yet convicting. Also recommend Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage. Mutual sacrifice and commitment is the key to a good marriage, not more date nights!
Vicki
Sep 17, 2012 Vicki marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: thanks-ruthie
Ok. I'll think about it. I swore off marriage books years ago...better for me to focus on my submission to God & let the run-off improve my marriage...but this one has an interesting bent.
Katie Casey
The premise of this book can be summed up in one of the opening lines: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" (pg 13)

Gary Thomas argues that marriage is a sort of refining fire that helps us become more like Jesus, and that with our spouse, we learn humility, sacrifice, grace, mercy, unconditional love, and servitude - perhaps more so than in any other relationship or job.

One lesson that I found very helpful is that we alone are responsible for ourselves. Tho
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Paris Anderson
I've read a lot of marriage books over the past few years, but based on how well it aligns with information and real-time advice I've received from married couples, this one takes the cake. It's rich, deep and excruciatingly convicting in so many ways, even for an unmarried woman. For the benefit of your spiritual walk with Christ and the development of your holiness and character, read this book, whether you're married or not... I'll definitely be taking it deeply to heart and carrying its prin ...more
Heather Denigan
I'm going to try to read this book every year. I prayed my way through the book. It's much less "to-do," or how to think, than a challenge of character because this challenge by its very nature, is communal and relational. It aims straight for the heart. Thomas reflects on what marriage has taught him about God, his relationship to God, and then his relationship to Lisa. The chapter on service was particularly convicting for me.

One of my tests for nonfiction by a Christian author is the breadth
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Lori
I enjoyed the shift in perspective that this book brought: What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than happy? Gary Thomas uses personal stories, examples from history, and the experiences of those he has counseled, to show how God uses marriage to refine our character and develop the image of Christ in us. No other relationship demands such openness, vulnerability, and sacrifice. And no other relationship, if walked out under the Lordship of Christ, can bring such joy if we are willi ...more
Joy
I read this for a women's bible study. It was not the easiest book to get into. While I do think there is a lot of valuable insight, I found myself annoyed with the way this author views gender roles. I was frustrated hearing over and over about how the man is strong, the man needs sex more, etc. And on the opposite side, the woman is more nurturing, the woman needs to talk about things more...honestly, I stopped reading sometimes because I kept thinking, "Was this written by a cave man???" Not ...more
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Thanks for the recommendation .... 2 36 Aug 05, 2012 01:46AM  
  • The Mystery of Marriage: Meditations on the Miracle
  • What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
  • Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of
  • Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
  • When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage
  • Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace
  • Fit to Be Tied: Making Marriage Last a Lifetime
  • This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence
  • Feminine Appeal
  • Shepherding a Child's Heart
  • The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God
  • Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex
  • A Wife After God's Own Heart
  • Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before (and After) You Marry
  • The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective
  • Created to be His Help Meet
  • God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation
  • Intimate Allies
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Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.


Gary Thomas is a writer, speaker and the founder and director of the Center for Evangelical Sprirituality - a ministry that integrates Scripture, church history and the Christian classics. He's spoken in 49 states, four coutries and his books have been translated into eleven languages. His books have won and be
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More about Gary L. Thomas...
Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls Sacred Pathways Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands Sacred Marriage Participant's Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why?

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“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” 8 likes
“Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism. But this immediately casts us into a countercultural pursuit.” 3 likes
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