Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime” as Want to Read:
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime

4.2 of 5 stars 4.20  ·  rating details  ·  417 ratings  ·  64 reviews
End Those Power Struggles and Begin Connecting with Your Child

Noted family educator Mary Sheedy Kurcinka struck a national chord with her bestselling Raising Your Spirited Child. Now she hits upon another crucial parenting topic: coping with the everyday challenges of disciplining your child, while understanding the issues behind his or her behavior. In Kids, Parents, and
...more
Paperback, 336 pages
Published February 20th 2001 by William Morrow Paperbacks (first published 1999)
more details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles

What's Behind Your Belly Button? A Psychological Perspective ... by Martha Char LoveAttached at the Heart by Barbara NicholsonPlayful Parenting by Lawrence J. CohenThe Attachment Parenting Book by William SearsAttachment Parenting by Katie Allison Granju
Attachment Parenting
52nd out of 61 books — 33 voters
The Baby Book by William SearsWhat to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi MurkoffHow to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele FaberThe No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth PantleyNurtureShock by Po Bronson
Most Influential Parenting Books
225th out of 234 books — 368 voters


More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 1,015)
filter  |  sort: default (?)  |  rating details
Megan
Fantastic parenting book. Possibly the best I've read. I think a good tagline would be: Know yourself, know your kids, know success. It covers all sorts of ways to get to the root of the problems that parents and children face every day, through all stages of life. It's easy to think your main task is to get your kids to change, but this book really helps readers as parents see how their own behaviors contribute to the struggles, and most importantly I think, how to work together with your kids ...more
JaNae
I just love this author! All of her books are awesome! (I'm wishing she would write one about "shy" children right now!) She always gives really hands on advice and cushions it with lots of stories from other families. It helps me know I'm not alone--and sparks a lot of good ideas--some of which actually work.

I think my biggest take away from this book was anger management--first for myself and secondly to teach my kids better solutions. Current power struggles have definitely up-ed the ante in
...more
Summer
I love the concepts in this book. I've always wondered how I could get my kids to trust/confident me once they're teenagers. This book discusses building a lasting relationship with your children by teaching them about how to deal w their emotions and working with them and not against them. It is definitely a challenge to live by it but by just trying it I have seen the differences in how they express themselves and how I am able to help them do this.
Alina
This is likely my favorite AND most useful parenting book of all time. Great tips on how to talk to kids, treat them like people while at the same time raising them with boundaries and expectations of polite behaviour.
Thadeus
This book was full of practical insight. One I most likely will return to again and again.

Highly recommended.
Heather
This book had a lot of helpful ideas on making your days easier as a parent. It's worth the listen.
This book also touches on different areas on how you and your child behaves, why they do what they do to some extent and how you can help not only yourself but your child to become better people. You have to teach them the way even though you are still learning. No one said parenting was easy.

The only thing that I didn't like about this book was the author going back and forth between he and she.
...more
Kim
Oct 13, 2008 Kim rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommended to Kim by: BTC - Ann Marie Read
Shelves: parenting
This is one to buy and read and re-read and re-read...
Tania
This well-written book is a fine, worthy follow up to the very useful Raising Your Spirited Child. The author uses the work of Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence to help parents learn to avoid power struggles with their children. The author advocates the need for parents to both ddevelop their own emotional intelligence and to help their children develop this qualities.

Part one gives a good, if not detailed enough, overview of what emotional intelligence is and why it's important. She cou
...more
K
Thought I would add this to my bookshelf. I have read this book about a billion times over the course of my parenting. I started reading it when my oldest daughter was two years old. My copy is really worn and the only book that I never pack in boxes when I move (I always make sure it is handy). Not that the information changes, but the kids change all the time. Whenever I need advice, I read it and I find a new way to understand my kiddos. Plus it gives me a script for how to handle a lot of th ...more
Chrystal
I really appreciated this book. I was familiar with temperament types, extroverted and introverted, and knew I was dealing with a spirited child. But, I found great insight when she discussed thinker vs. feeler types. I am an extroverted - feeler, my husband is an introverted - thinker, my youngest daughter is an introverted - feeler and my older daughter is an extroverted - thinker.

Most of the power struggles have come about with my extroverted - thinker. I used to think she was 'cold', and 'me
...more
Abby
I have a three and a half year old who is giving me a run for my money. I picked this because I feel like I need to up my parenting game and add some skills to by arsenal. I think this book illuminated a lot of great concepts - choosing to connect with my son rather than trying to intimidate or overpower him during disputes, understanding what my own emotional state and temperament bring to the table and how I can better choose to bring down the intensity level, thinking about how to give my chi ...more
Dawn Buffham-Bates
This is one of those parenting books that you will never stop reading. Why? Because your children never stop growing up and you never stop learning about their development.

For me this book has been one of the best I have ever had the to pleasure to read, and yes it is a pleasure to read.

I have learnt as much about my behaviour and how to adapt it, as well as the behaviours of my husband and children. At some points in the book, it seems as if Mrs Kurcinka studied our family and then wrote the b
...more
Casie
I hated reading this book. It bored my pants off. BUT...I want to say that I learned more about myself and how to deal with me than my kids and this is important. I learned that I am an introvert and that I probably need to start telling my kids to give me time to think before I make decisions, otherwise I am prone to say no because I get overwhelmed. I learned that I am sensitive to noise and activity and that if I try to parent in that kind of situation, I am probably not going to be at my bes ...more
Beth A.
I enjoyed reading this book. Kurcinka maintains that children are not "out to get" parents. When they misbehave they are trying to get a need met or responding to a stress or problem in their lives.

She covers personality characteristics, stresses, and medical problems, and how they can affect children's behavior.

She has tips to help you teach children to recognize and communicate their emotions and needs so they do not have to struggle against their parents. Rather they can work together to find
...more
Gerry
I was very impressed with this book, took notes. Felt like it was written specifically for the types of issues I am dealing with. The suggestions are practical and they work.
Gina
I got this from the library and didn't completely finish it before I had to return it, but it was FULL of great ideas for helping me with my son. I read her first book- about Spirited Kids. I liked that book to help me understand my kid a little better, but this book really gave me practical advice about how to parent, and help him with his powerful emotions, instead of just trying to "discipline" him. I feel like it's helping, but I still want to buy the book to go back to as a resource when we ...more
Gena
Good read for any parent wanting help communicating with kids of all ages. Discusses Emotional Intelligence. Coaching. Temperament.
Kateri Limmer
This book is very enlightening. My 3 year old son has started responding positively and I can literally see him thinking things through. I can also say that this book helps a parent discover themselves as well as their child. I know my personality better, and I see the similarities with my son. The references at the end are definitely on my reading list!
Lori
Not a book with easy quick fixes for behavior problems, but a good read. For me however, this book didn't contain too much new info since I always seem to read parenting books with similar philosophies. This book uses emotional coaching and understanding your child's and your own temperaments as the way to have an easier time parenting. I believe in the premise, but find it hard to put into practice with the day to day tasks to accomplish and myself being so tired and emotionally drained most of ...more
Erin M Nagel
Great book for any parent!
Jessica
I finished this book and then read several sections again. The title is misleading. This book encourages parents to understand their emotional styles and their children's emotional styles and to work with those to resolve conflicts. Kurcinka balances practical advice with general perspective on the ways in which we learn, for better or worse, to manage emotions. This is one parenting book I will return to read as my boys get older.
Eve
Jul 20, 2012 Eve rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: All parents!
Shelves: parenting
The wisdom in Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books is nothing short of miraculous. I love her RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD, and this book is equally excellent. Face it—regardless of upbringing in either generation, every parent and every child are going to have power struggles of some kind, so look no further: Here's the instruction manual you've been looking for. Read it, and be amazed at the results. It's that good. Thank you, Dr. Mary.
Erin
Her book Raising Your Spirited Child is better. I liked the theory and background that this book shares, but it is very short on practical techniques, what exactly to say or do in the moment. You can be as sensitive as possible to your child's needs and temperament, and yet still times will arise when you just need to get something done and be the authority figure. This book isn't very helpful in accomplishing that.
Brenda Wharton
4.5 stars
Great book with lots of practical advice on dealing with strong willed kids. Helps you to see what may be going on beneath the surface of the power struggles, how to coach them through it and helps you understand introverts and extroverts, thinkers and feelers
Kath
Was skeptical going in that there would be any new info for me, but I must admit that the book had tremendously practical info that's helping me tremendously to get my hands and head around the three-year-old age.
Heidi Poelman
What a great book for learning to deal with toddlers who are testing limits and wanting independence. I love the way the author writes about teaching your child to work with you respectfully, the importance of teaching negotiation skills, dealing with different temperaments, and what it means to be an emotion coach as a parent. Great, great book for parents with kids of any age, in my opinion.
Kate
Jun 30, 2010 Kate is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
I am about halfway through this book and so far it has been very helpful with providing ways to understand why my child and I react the way we do in certain situations and how we can get better at avoiding arguments. Rather than simply suggesting ways to discipline, the book discusses the context behind why behaviors happen so you can understand both yourself and your child better.
Kate Hyde
This book starts out slow, but once I got to the part about comparing your child's temperament with your own, I was hooked. I also really liked the chapter about how kids deal with stress. This was an eye opener of a book. Not only does it explain why your kid may be acting up, but it gives you techniques to diffuse the tension. I definitely recommend this book!
Megan
I loved the section about discovering your own & your child's temperament. I learned a lot about myself that I hadn't realized. I also found myself agreeing with Kurcinka's view on reasons why children act out and that addressing the cause is much more successful than reacting to the behaviors. Highly recommend this book for anyone who interacts with children.
Michelle
Dec 28, 2011 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: parents
Recommended to Michelle by: moms mailing list
This book, along with "Parent Effectiveness Training," are my two very favorite books on 'discipline' and parenting. My daughter and I have an extremely good relationship, even when it comes to difficult behaviors, because of the practices in this book. I also feel confident in my ability to carry on a good relationship throughout her childhood and teenage years.
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 33 34 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
  • Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Cooperation
  • Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline
  • Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children
  • Becoming the Parent You Want To Be
  • Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation
  • Positive Discipline
  • Raising Children Who Think for Themselves
  • Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear
  • Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves
  • Playful Parenting
  • Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too
  • Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children
  • Power of Play: How Spontaneous, Imaginative Activities Lead to Happier, Healthier Children
  • Between Parent and Child: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication
  • Raising Resilient Children: Fostering Strength, Hope, and Optimism in Your Child
  • Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries
  • The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers:  Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep
  • Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
109819
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is a best-selling author and internationally recognized lecturer and parent educator. Her books Raising Your Spirited Child, Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook; Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles; and Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep have been translated into ten languages.

As director of parentchildhelp.com, Mary provides training nationally
...more
More about Mary Sheedy Kurcinka...
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving...or Missing Sleep? Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition

Share This Book