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I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

3.76 of 5 stars 3.76  ·  rating details  ·  1,775 ratings  ·  357 reviews
A brilliantly funny exploration of the treacherous state of adulthood by the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist.

Some people may wonder what this subject has to do with Dave Barry, since Dave's struggled hard against growing up his entire life-but the result is one of the funniest, warmest, most pitch-perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we call "adulthood".

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Hardcover, 254 pages
Published May 4th 2010 by Putnam Adult (first published 2010)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 2,983)
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Jason Koivu
Dave Barry! Dave Barry! Dave Barry! The lame IT guy at my old job kept going on and on about Dave Barry, so of course I wanted nothing to do with him (Either of them, but mostly Barry). How funny could he be, especially since he was being recommended by a mundane white dude who sat simpering and gurgling behind his computer in a closet of an office all day?

Well, the answer is, Dave Barry is quite funny. I laughed, even aloud, a good many times. Sure, he sometimes sets up his jokes viewable from
Deborah Markus
There. I added the much-needed "rereading" shelf to my options. If I were a true nerd, I'd have "re-rereading" and "re-re-rereading" shelves; but I've never been one of those people who knows exactly how many times I've read a book. When it comes to keeping track of that kind of thing, I'm like one of those cultures who only have the numerical concepts of "one," "two," and "many." I know if I've only read a book once, and I generally remember if I've read it twice. After that, it falls into the ...more
Jane Stewart
4 stars. Fun. This guy is really good. I laughed a lot.

Humorous essays on a variety of topics. Most of them were funny. But a few less so. The weakest ones for me were the one about writing a screenplay and Dave’s retelling of “Twilight” the famous teenage vampire story. It was funny at first, but he could have stopped after the first third or so. It became repetitive.

The author did a great job of narrating the audiobook. Good timing with pauses. I didn’t have to keep stopping the tape the way
Steven Harbin
It's been a while since I've read Dave Barry, and I'd forgotten how funny he can be when he's on target. His brand of humor may not be for everybody, but I like it. He skewers the current romanitic Vampire novel craze, the TV show "24", the psychological differences between men and women, fatherhood, and dog ownership, just to touch on a few of the high points. He gets serious when writing about colonoscopies and the wedding of his son (well, mostly serious). I'd recommend to anyone looking for ...more
I can't lie. Dave Barry is pretty much the reason I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid.

This book was a lot of fun -- the first of his books I've read in years. He is retreading some of the same ground he did in his classic books from the late 80's/early 90's (and it's not as good the second or third time around), but he's still funny and he still writes great sentences. The Twilight satire had me in stitches, and I haven't even read any of Twilight.
Noreen Braman
Feb 16, 2012 Noreen Braman rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone who needs a good laugh, especially babyboomers.
I love listening to Dave Barry read his own work, it makes me feel like I am swapping stories with an old friend. And, typical of those "old friend" conversations, topics will sometimes cover familiar ground. But also true of those "old friend" conversations, I laugh at the same stories and revel in the new ones.

Barry hits some high points here, with his vampire love story parody and his too-near-the-truth tale of the state of American health care. He includes here his previously-published colon
I miss Dave Barry's regular columns. Here he is in extended chapter version, which is even more fun, though is a little more PG-13 than the newspaper column. I didn't enjoy his opening gender chapters as much, but some of the others -- on colonoscopy, on kids' soccer, on the newspaper industry a brilliant parody of the Twilight series -- had me laughing out loud. Good, good, good for the soul.

And my very favorite quote is from his technology chapter, where he vamps on social networking:
"In the o
Tim Niland
After reading a lot of heavy duty crime and espionage fiction, I wanted to take a break with something a little lighter, and the new book by humorist Dave Berry was just the ticket. Collecting the short pieces he has written since leaving the Miami Herald, he is in top form skewering everything from male-female relations to the "wedding-industrial complex." Every story in this book has laugh-out-loud moments (don't read it at a coffee shop like I did if you don't want people giving you dirty loo ...more
Dave Barry's I'll Mature When I'm Dead is a laugh-out-loud look at adulthood that is sure to entertain young and old alike. Barry's funniest moments seem to center on the differences between men and women, passages that literally had me in stitches. Another particularly funny essay laments his tendency to be mistaken for Carl Hiaasen. This collection contains all-new content except for one oldie-but-goodie piece on a colonoscopy. Barry makes nods to popular culture with a take on 24 that I found ...more
One of the back cover blurbs on my ARC of I'll Mature When I'm Dead by Dave Barry states that Dave Barry is "The funniest man in America." Now, I am not quite sure I agree with that, although Barry is quite hilarious. I'm not quite sure how to describe I'll Mature When I'm Dead, as there is no overarching plot and I don't think each piece is considered a short story. I guess one could call this book episodic. There were pieces which had me running to show everyone around me, and pieces which I t ...more
Dave Barry returns with a new collection of humor essays. Written since his retirement from the humor column business, Barry is allowed to write on a subject for as long as he'd like. And, for the most part, it works. Some of the essays overstay their welcome like most SNL skits, these days, but when Barry is on a roll, he's still one of the funniest guys alive.

His parodies of "24" and "Twilight" are perfect, though it's a bit sad to think we'll not see more of Jack Bauer.

The best essay is one
I know accusing Dave Barry of being shallow is like accusing the sun of causing sunburn, but, you know, this book really shows off his shallowness. Maybe I've outgrown him, if that's not too pretentious to say. Which, of course, it is. Who am I to mock the man who has a sewage lift station in North Dakota named after him? But his description of men versus women, shallow. Cliched. The Twilight spoof? As unreadable as the thing he's spoofing. And I'm glad he's into 24 as much as he is. But I haven ...more
Dave Barry always makes me laugh and this one was no exception. At times I'd have to stop and read a section out loud to whoever happened to be nearby. It's possible they didn't enjoy these little interludes as much as I did but that's ok because I did it for me at least as much as I did it for them.

The only downsides were his parodies of 24 and modern vampire fiction. Since I don't watch or read either of those these I didn't enjoy the humor in them as much. Where Barry shines is in his humorou
I did a lot of driving over the last three days, and wanted something light to listen to. So I selected this book by Dave Barry. It was a great choice. I laughed out loud so many times I can't count them. I had to drive through a particularly bad stretch of road during a snow storm which just happens to be a place where I was once in a bad wreck (in a snow storm). Yeh, I slowed down, and my knuckles were white, but I kept on laughing at Dave. I made it through the scary part of the Interstate an ...more
Dave Barry's piece of literary genius has truly opened my eyes. Less than forty pages in, and I already feel compelled to express my feelings about it.

Firstly, he so clearly explains the concept of DNA. As a woman, I am obviously motivated solely by my naturally nurturing disposition, and I had no idea that men are so simplistically (and logically) driven by their dandelion-like urges. Since these urges, such as checking out the breasts of every woman they pass, and to copulate with absolutely e
a mixed bag. while some of barry's essays did make me laugh, several of the jokes on this one just seemed...tired. differences between men and women, first time parenthood, expensive weddings, dog ownership...i feel like i've heard variations on his observations several times before. i skipped "24: the ultimate script" because i've never seen 24 and i got bored. on the other hand: "solving the celebrity problem" (export the kardashians!), "fangs of endearment" (hilarious twilight mockery), and e ...more
Kathy Hiester
Dave Barry materializes like a ghost out of retirement with a new anthology of works about such diverse topics as parenthood, and colonoscopies, with parodies of 24 and Twilight (one of my favorites) thrown in for good measure.
Even though I love Dave Barry, and he's hilarious to the highest degree there were times during the book that he's too clichéd for me. This book is a ideal balance of what Barry does best. Barry is retired from newspaper column writing, so he has freedom to make these essa
I love Dave Barry's books. They are snarky, insightful, immature and fun. This book is comprised of a series of stories, most of which are longer than his normal newspaper column, but short enough to read, say, while waiting for the cable lady to fix your cable. The span of topics varies greatly, but they are wildly funny and genuinely speak to his amusement over the quirks of American society. I thought the parodies of the television show 24 and the Twilight franchise were pretty good. And whil ...more
Ben Iverson
I love Dave Barry. All in all, he's probably the funniest humor writer that I've read, which isn't saying much because anytime I'm in the mood to read humor I pretty much always read Dave Barry. At any rate, I thought this was an absolutely hilarious book. My absolute favorite part was his spoof of Twilight, which was spot on perfect. The only downside of this book was that I was listening to it on the bus, and it was awkward having everyone watch me while I laughed out loud every minute or two. ...more
A great compilations of some very funny essays by Dave Barry. I laughed really hard while reading some of the segments. You will definitely enjoy this book if:

1. You're a male
2. You're married
3. You have kids
4. You used to read Dave Barry's column every Sunday while growing up
5. You think the TV show "24" is a joke
6. You think the "Twilight" series is a joke
7. You think the "Lord of the Rings" films are a joke (e.g. "walking, talking, kung-fu-fight trees")

There are other qualifications, but I th
Lots of very funny stuff in this book. I read it in three sittings; the first sitting I found it to be very funny, with a laugh or two on every page. The second sitting I didn't find it as funny, so I put it down, then I did laugh again on the third read. I suggest if you're finding it funny, keep going. Barry is a very funny guy, and he works hard at it (sometimes the work shows) and has an excellent rhythm to the writing. Sometimes the targets (men, dogs, 24) see a bit predictable.
Absurd and hilarious collection of pieces by Dave Barry, who I truly enjoy. Ranging from somewhat sincere meditations on growing older to a dead funny take off of the Vampire-Book-I-Couldn't-Make-Myself-Read, this was a fun and fast read that had me LOLing alone in the house, and did, unlike the wretched "funny" movie Dance Flick, make me forget my hideous toothache and impending dentist horror-show, which is a hell of a trick!
Jeanette  "Astute Crabbist"
Dave Barry is a self-proclaimed dork, but he's OUR dork, and we love him. I got plenty of smirks, chuckles, and guffaws from this book, along with some more serious, reflective moments. Eighteen pieces on everything from dance recitals to colonoscopies. I enjoyed every one except "24: The Ultimate Script," which is not even remotely entertaining.

One of the best Dave Barry books in a long time. He is no longer using his newspaper column for book material and even he admits that not being constrained to space limits gives him a bit more freedom. The stories are topical and in some cases, endearing and thoughtful. His faux script for the action series "24" is a must read for any Jack Bauer fan!
Good, clean humor with some great insight. This was the first book I've read by Barry, but it certainly won't be the last.

He's very perceptive, witty and honest about a variety of topics. In this -very short- book, Barry covers a wide range of topics, like differences between men and women, cultural differences between New Yorkers and residents of Miami, America's obsession with celebrity gossip, religious views/differences, the insanity of American weddings, politics, much more serious topics s
Here's the thing--the excerpt of his Twilight parody that I read in NYT review was funny. But, I forgot that his audience is really, really narrow. As in, if you are a white boomer who likes electronics and has outdated ideas about gender, this book will be for you. And only for you.
This was a nice break from the mysteries etc. and LOL in places. His description of the colonoscopy prep was Very real. I also liked the chapters when he dealt with man/woman relationships, the new baby, training a dog and the very sweet "father of the groom".
Craig Swartz
Thanks so much to Goodreads for this free book I won from their giveaway.

I'm a huge Dave Barry fan. I've read most of his books. Dave Barry turns 40, Dave Barry turns 50, and all the other ones. I would suppose he's in his 60s now and he's still as funny. I read somewhere that he's the funniest man in America. I may agree.

This book deals with essays of life as you get older. Colonoscopy, son's wedding, raising children, etc, as well as technology, the decline of newspapers and so on. I found mys
Krish Iyer
Dave Barry used to be my favorite humor writer, until about 8 years ago, when I grew a bit tired of what I thought was his slightly repetitive style, but when I read the back cover on this one at the local library, it felt that that maestro had hit his groove again. And boy, was I right !

This book had me in splits continuously, and running to my wife to show her some of the funny bits. Each chapter is uproariously funny, but I particularly loved "A man answers questions from women", "The Heart o
This book had me and my daughter I'm stitches
So very,very funny and clean to boot
I never saw Twilight but his take is so funny I may just have to watch one just to laugh at it!
Also the bit on Miami tourism. The one about soccer parents rang so true.
Oh, and the one where someone told him how much their kid liked Hoot! Now that was a hoot! ( Hiassen appears as my most read author on goodreads despite the fact I try to think of myself as well read.....bit of humor there, Carl. It wasn't until I lis
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Dave Barry is a humor columnist. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened.
Dave has also written a total of 30 books, although virtually none of them contain useful information. Two of his books were used as
More about Dave Barry...
Peter and the Starcatchers (Peter and the Starcatchers, #1) Peter and the Shadow Thieves (Peter and the Starcatchers, #2) Peter and the Secret of Rundoon (Peter and the Starcatchers, #3) Big Trouble Peter and the Sword of Mercy (Peter and the Starcatchers, #4)

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“You would think that, by sheer chance, there would come a time when you daughter's two dances would be close together, ideally near the beginning. But the dance studio makes sure this never happens, using the same computer scheduling program that the cable-TV company uses to make sure that the technician, for whom you have been waiting eleven hours, rings your doorbell only when you have just commenced pooping.” 6 likes
“People who insist on being addressed as “doctor” because they have Ph.D.’s, as if these degrees represent an important achievement, rather than a reluctance to leave college;” 3 likes
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