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The Alphabet Of Manliness (revised and updated)

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3.70  ·  Rating Details  ·  2,971 Ratings  ·  230 Reviews
Sometimes in life you say certain words in conjunction with other words that you normally wouldn't, such as the word "holy" and the word "shit." Those times are rare and celebrated. Well, get your face hole ready, because this is one of those times: introducing The Alphabet of Manliness: Special Edition!

If it's a crime to be awesome, then I deserve three life sentences an
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ebook, 224 pages
Published September 1st 2009 by Citadel (first published January 1st 2005)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Seizure Romero
Aug 30, 2007 Seizure Romero rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
I just picked this up in a used bookshop during lunch. I opened randomly to page 9, with the headline "Head-butt to the Ovaries" (in the first chapter, titled "A is for Ass-Kicking") I laughed out loud. This is Man Show humor, and I'm someone who thinks Adam Corolla is one the biggest jackasses in show business.

Yes, it's juvenile. It's also satire. It is a mockery of the manly stereotype and therefore itself. It probably helps that I'm tired-- I've put in more than 80 hours during the past 8 day
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Sam
Feb 04, 2013 Sam rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I love Maddox's website, and my expectations were quite high for this book. Unfortunately, I was let down.

I only managed a chuckle from 'A is for Ass-Kicking' and 'U is for Urinal Etiquette.' The rest of the book feels like page after page of forced hyperbole, as opposed to the natural and free-flowing hyperbole normally found at thebestpageintheuniverse.com. That would be forgivable if the book at least brandished Maddox's trademark cleverness, but it was not to be found. Not even 'N is for Nor
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Danine
Mar 27, 2008 Danine rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Ray, No one, my mom, hard core feminists
Recommended to Danine by: Kate to my husband then to me. Thanks Kate :)
This is a really awful book. I felt much shame in reading it. I thought about the feminists who worked so hard to eliminate this vulgar attitude toward woman. The shame didn't last very long though. At the same time I found myself laughing uncontrollably. My favs: A is for Ass-kicking. M is for Metal and N is for Chuck Norris.
Emory
Jan 16, 2013 Emory rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Like most internet-inspired works, such as "Shit My Dad Says" or any of the Cheezburger network's many lolcat volumes, "The Alphabet of Manliness" is less manifesto of masculinity and more hardbound tasteless joke.

Maddox is a personality. Like Rush Limbaugh, Al Sharpton, or in the realm of comedy Stephen Colbert, his writing comes off as over-the-top, offensive, and one-dimensional because he is playing the part of a character. His rants are informed by his own opinions which he then injects wit
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Dan
Dec 25, 2007 Dan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: fans of the best page in the universe
This book is what it says it is from A is for Ass Kiciking to Z is for Zombie, this book is the alphabet of manliness. All the violence and self aggrandizing misogyny is appropriately tongue in cheek, and sufficiently well executed.

In the introduction Maddox shouts out Robert Hamburger for the Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Handbook saying that this seminal work paved the way for him. However, I think that this book imitates Hamburger's style too much. Whereas, Hamburger portrays wild e
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Charles
Jan 06, 2009 Charles rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book is crap. I had raised expectations based on The Best Page in the Universe, but they were not remotely met. The website is mostly funny, but it's funny because 'Maddox' dabbles in a lot more than his lumberjack/pirate/misogynist schtick. Too much of that, and this book is exclusively that, is crap. Where's the social commentary? Where are the purposefully crappy Microsoft Paint illustrations? Both glaringly absent. Instead we get chapters on boobs, copping a feel, and Chuck Norris. Seri ...more
Carrie
Nov 06, 2007 Carrie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: people who are insensitive
Shelves: funny
Brought to you by the mastermind behind www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com. He's not the kind of person to read if you are easily offended. But if you enjoy offending people, read this for some A material! Each letter of the alphabet is represented by a "manly" topic complete with illustrations.

A is for ass-kicking
B is for boners
C is for copping a feel
D is for taking a dump
E is for enlightenment
F is for female wrestling
G is for gas
H is for hot sauce
I is for irate
J is for beef jerky
K is for knocke
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Martin
This is the burliest, hairiest, lumberjackiest, ahoy-me-matiest, chauvinistiest, ball-stompiest, tawdriest, camel-toeiest book on manliness ever written. It's also the only one, and so it's the best one. I put my brain cells in park to enjoy this one. Don't read it, it's not for impressionable minds, unless you want to become a MAN, man! I el oh elled at several points, which was a problem because the naughty graphics are not what you want an eavesdropper getting a peek at. I want to give this 5 ...more
S.A.Mckernan
Jan 02, 2015 S.A.Mckernan rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This won't give you chest hair or turn women into men, but it will give you a potent false sense of manliness and the sensation of bushy chest hair. And you may want to battle a gorilla, but that's none of my business.

Here, this book will tell you all you need to know about being a man, the proper way to cock punch someone, about boobs and what they say about certain women, and not to mention boners. Yes, you'll learn about boners and porn and things that men like to do with them, not that anyo
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Evie
Feb 27, 2008 Evie rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2008
Funny, but it started to lose steam quickly toward the end. Certain topics didn't make much sense in terms of manliness ("zombies"?) Still, worth reading on a lark if you aren't easily offended.

The chapter on Chuck Norris almost made me pee my pants at work.
Stephanie
Jul 25, 2007 Stephanie rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: boy-men, and women who think that kind of offensiveness is funny
I was tipped off to Madox's website, thebestpageintheuniverse.com, or something like that by a friend who said his critiques and subsequent failing marks on childrens' artwork was hillarious. And it was. So I saw that he wrote a book and I went out and got it for my friend Brad's b-day. Since I had it and it was unwrapped, I did the tacky thing and read it.
I laughed outloud. I also felt embarrassment by the very gross graphic drawings throughout the book when I read it on the plane.
There are ch
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Tim
Feb 12, 2008 Tim rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Grown men who can appreciate absurdity
I greatly appreciate a book that can make me laugh out loud while riding on public transportation. Although some of the subjects covered in this A-Z of manliness are worth skipping over, there are always a few lines in each that bring redemption to worthless subject. I personally love completely absurd statements and significant exaggeration both of which abound in this book. One of my personal favorite statements was in the letter M for Metal, Maddox goes to his first Heavy Metal concert and th ...more
Jonathan Discount
I love Maddox's website, "The Best Page in the Universe" at http://maddox.xmission.com. Unfortunately, this book didn't match the quality of many of his blog posts. The humor is, of course, raunchy -- and that's what you expect. What you don't expect is it to get tired -- which it does. In fact, the book starts very strong "A is for Ass-Kicking". But by the time you reach "O is for Obedience", the prose is a bit tired, not as original and Maddox appears to be going through the motions. The illus ...more
Marsha
Some men find leaving adolescence very trying and cling to it with the ferocity of toddler Bart Simpson holding on to the bars of his crib. Mr. Maddox is clearly one of those men. His book celebrates all the stereotypical tropes of supposed American masculinity: forcing women into being submissive sexual objects, pounding beers, worshipping men with bodybuilder physiques (which you strongly suspect they themselves don’t possess), creating the perfect fart, hating hippies and loving ear-blasting ...more
Dexter
May 05, 2008 Dexter rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
hahah.. i read this at Christmas time and totally forgot to comment... the basic premise of this book is that the author goes through the alphabet letter by letter describing a topic and spends 3-4 pages describing what makes that topic so manly.


A is ass kicking
B is for Boners
C is for cock punches
D is for Dexter
...
You get the picture. Absolutely awesomely funny.

The cover of the book has a man punching a gorilla. A FREAKING Gorilla!
Wilson
Aug 10, 2007 Wilson rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: daycare workers
There is some giggle-like-a-girl hilarious crap in here. And if I were a lumberjack, I would live for the very day I could punch out Santa Claus. And then there is some boringly formulaic misogyny. Overall, I laughed my ass off in between saying, "Eh" or thinking "Crap. I hope I never hope to hold public office having read this part, because someone might find out I read this part." For the record, I did... not... read... those... paahts.
user12504947
IS THERE A WRONG TIME TO POP A BONER? Generally speaking, no. But things can get complicated during dentist appointments, funerals, and job interviews. I was at an interview one time, and as I was describing myself to the interviewer, I got carried away with how awesome I am, and before I knew it, I was fully aroused. So what to do if you sprout a chubby at an inopportune time? Sometimes all you can do is wait it out, but until then, you need some good cover.

That leads us to her infamous deed: e
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Rick Cummings
Nov 21, 2007 Rick Cummings rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: sarcastic folk
We all know how sarcastic Maddox is... but 206 pages of it is a marathon. I found that halfway through the book, things became formulaic, and it seemed even Maddox himself was tired of writing by page 150. Overall, though, it does have a few good jokes, slathers it on thick, and makes a darn good argument as to why beef jerky is the greatest food on the planet. I'd give it a 3.5, but we'll round up.
Mark
Jun 16, 2008 Mark rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor, educational
As I sit here eating a steak with beer, have a Jon Wayne movie on in the background, my girlfriend doing the dishes, and am reading this book, I cannot help but feel that I cannot get any manlier.

If you enjoy Maddox's website, then you'll enjoy this. It's laugh out loud funny if you can take a joke without getting easily offended. This book should be on every man's coffee table.
Jim Greene
Jan 11, 2010 Jim Greene rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Male chauvinist pigs
OK. Yeah. It's funny in his own little twisted sense of humor, but it's not a book to be taken seriously. It's stupidity, really and the handbook for macho men (read: the most obnoxious and ridiculously narcissistic male figures in the world). So, yea, for a cheap laugh, read it. No other reason.
Jordan Munn
Oct 26, 2007 Jordan Munn rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: dudes and chicks
I learned that Event Horizon is not just a movie.

This book is great, but maybe not quite as good as the website because it's not as distilled. Still, The Alphabet of Manliness should be in the reference section of every library.
Sean Curry
May 09, 2010 Sean Curry rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
For my review of this book, I want you to think of the sound a rocket or firework in a movie makes when it's lit but just putters about for a moment and then falls into a puddle. Plus a fart.
Tyler Achberger
Warning: this book can be offensive ... So if you don't like sexism and dick jokes this book probably isn't for you ... But if you want to be enlightened how most of the population lives their life.. Please by all means read on... My only complaint is other than the chapter for the letter 'J' which should of been about jerking off... Guess the editors couldn't let that one fly.. Everything else gives a good chauvinistic condescending tone to be expected, from 'ass kicking' to 'zombies' this book ...more
Jmswtsn
Dec 15, 2008 Jmswtsn rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
He has a funny and interesting website. The book is awful. Avoid at all costs.
Jason
Jan 14, 2008 Jason rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
So awesome it makes me want to punch a gorilla in the freakin' face!
Jack
Feb 09, 2016 Jack rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is just a hilarious, macho guy book that is unapologetically misogynistic with the knowledge that he is a total d*%k. Read it with an ironic, tongue in cheek perspective and you will laugh. And then you may kiss Chuck Norris ring of a unicorn with an enourmous schlong. For a progressive guy who cooks, shares the housework and took Feminist Theory because I actually thought it was interesting, this was a guilty pleasure kind of read for making me laugh at all the things I knew were just SO w ...more
Benjamin Siess
Aug 04, 2011 Benjamin Siess rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
What a terrible book this was. It's basically a how to manual on how to do retarded stuff that no one cares about. It's a shame because Maddox's website is pretty fantastic. He ignores what he's good at (ranting about current issues with a satirical chauvinist spin) to give step by step instructions on subjects that are boring (how to cop a feel on a woman and get away with it). Who doesn't know how to grab a random boob every now and again?



1. Go to concert.



2. Stand behind a person who is stand
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Alpha
Oct 14, 2011 Alpha rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
"This is one book I am so glad I picked up becuase it was one of the most entertaining books I have ever read. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously as I can see that but more to make the reader smile. Now I understand everyone is different but for me, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the chapters - divided by letter - like the one on Chuck Norris and especially the one which had Socrates in it talking about being married and if she is good, you'll be happy and if she is bad you become a phi ...more
Adam
Jan 27, 2011 Adam rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
Being a man, I certainly enjoyed this book. I have visited Maddox's website for a long time and his articles never cease to be awesome. Frankly, the book can't really compete with the website in terms of content, but that wasn't the point of the book. The book was published so Maddox could make money, which in turn would fund the website... the end. This is the greatest idea for extortion ever, tell people you are writing a book simply to make money and have them buy it whether it's good or not. ...more
Zany
Jan 09, 2015 Zany rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Perhaps the most unabashedly sexist thing I've ever read. Many parts of it were hilarious to the point of 5 stars; but many other parts were just downright unfunny. Hence the middle-o-the-road rating (though now that I think of it, 3 out of 5 stars is technically better than average. Why can't we have a 6 star system, the better to signify a so-so status?) Anyway: thanks guy! I'm sure all your sexism is merely a parody.
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Maddox is a native Utahn and visionary director of The Best Page in the Universe website. Once a lowly programmer for a telemarketing company, he now stands as a specimen of sheer masculinity and chiseled good looks. When he's not writing his own biographies in the third person, he be found writing articles for his website.
More about Maddox...

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“But most of all, I’d like to thank me. Without me, none of this would have been possible. I really did a bang-up job on this book, and I deserve all the credit. I hereby revoke all the gratitude I expressed above and keep it for myself.” 2 likes
“In the beginning, when God created the heavens—a vast and expansive cloud of dust and gas that eventually coalesced into planets revolving around a hydrogenous fusion core—he also fancied creating Earth, a planet ripe with the dust of creation. Being the resourceful God that he is, he decided to put all this dust to good use and to create man from it. It took millions of years and countless particles of matter to culminate in the creation of man, and what does Adam do when he’s put on Earth? What every red-blooded man does when he gets some free time: nothing” 1 likes
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