Where recovery began for many people, this inspiring, straightforward, personal explanation of what codependency is and who has it gives listeners ...
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Dec 17, 2009
Lara
rated it: 
Found this really helpful. I bet it could help you, too. In fact, I will loan you my copy. Even if you don't want it. Or I could buy it for you, even though I can't afford it. Don't walk away! I'll give you $20 if you read it. I know it will help you. You need help. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Now.
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Nov 04, 2008
Maranda
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This is the book that started it all. I know it is cliché but, this book has changed my life and my thinking…
I was talking to my father on the phone one day and I was explaining to him how I have no problem exercising and eating right when Otty is gone but I can’t seem to keep it up when he is home. My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was called…he told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent N More...
I was talking to my father on the phone one day and I was explaining to him how I have no problem exercising and eating right when Otty is gone but I can’t seem to keep it up when he is home. My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was called…he told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent N More...
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Mar 18, 2010
Betsy
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What I learned from this book? Good grief! I learned soooooo much! This book opened my eyes to the path toward self-discovery, self-love, and learning how to deal with difficult relationships. I very highly recommend this book, not just for people who live with an alcoholic, but for anyone who is trying desperately hard to fix a bad relationship, whether it's with your spouse, your parents, your children...with anyone you love. I learned how my upbringing has the power to wreck my current a
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(4 people liked it)
Feb 16, 2008
Carolyn
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If only I had read this book 10 years ago... I might not be in the mess I'm in now.
This is a good book for those in crisis mode. When you're beaten down and feeling trapped and you don't know what the hell is wrong with you, you need this book, which tells you over and over and over and over again: You're okay, you're a good person. You're okay, you're a good person. You're okay, you're a good person...
I stumbled upon this book a little late. I had already had my cr More...
This is a good book for those in crisis mode. When you're beaten down and feeling trapped and you don't know what the hell is wrong with you, you need this book, which tells you over and over and over and over again: You're okay, you're a good person. You're okay, you're a good person. You're okay, you're a good person...
I stumbled upon this book a little late. I had already had my cr More...
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Jun 29, 2010
Dana
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I thought I knew everything there was to know about co-dependency, but this book took it above and beyond my prior misconceptions. For anyone who has experienced emotional martyrdom and excessive guilt surrounding self-care issues, this is a necessary read! Beattie breaks down unnoticed learned behavior that's passed down through generations, behaviors that are often a result of living with an alcoholic parent or person with dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Although I wasn't directly affected by
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Oct 21, 2007
Jim
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An eye-opening book that reveals many of the behaviors one adopts to handle living with someone with addiction problems, or as in my case, mental-health issues. I never realized the extent to which my relationship warped me, to some extent my fault for allowing it to happen, but the book also presented a lot of ways to come to an understanding of what it means to be a codependent and also ways to combat and correct behavior. I didn't completely like the religious angles that much, though they w
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Dec 28, 2011
Heather
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Years ago, I did research online about codependency and was surprised to find it is not a fixed high-level diagnosis, but rather a sliding scale where just about everyone exhibits at least a mild form of it at some point. So just about everyone can benefit from this book if they read it with a toning-down grain of salt. Accountability for your own life is something we can all do a little better, whether we are blaming ALL our problems on an alcoholic, or only one or two problems on an annoying f
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Oct 27, 2010
Rhonda
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Quite the enlightening book...
Although I am not dealing specifically/only with an alcoholic, there are other controlling behaviors that this applies to. Not necessarily a chemical or substance dependency. Anything that affects your behavior that you find yourself trying to control situations to avoid that behavior.
Favorite Quotes:
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that per More...
Although I am not dealing specifically/only with an alcoholic, there are other controlling behaviors that this applies to. Not necessarily a chemical or substance dependency. Anything that affects your behavior that you find yourself trying to control situations to avoid that behavior.
Favorite Quotes:
A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that per More...
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Nov 15, 2011
Raes
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Having been raised by a codependent parent who catered to my other narcissistic parent, this book has been validating to read. I now have a better understanding of codependent behavior, and this book has not only verified what I believed, it has also allowed me to check myself for codependent behaviors. Even if you do not identify as codependent (and now I know I do not), you may find, as I did, that learning more about codependence helps put family relationships into perspective. Although I'm
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Dec 28, 2011
Meowbie
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I knew this was a classic of the genre, but I found myself unimpressed by it. Maybe I came at it with the wrong expectations? I was thinking of "co-dependency" in a more generic sense — say, the way a married couple can be enmeshed and lose their boundaries with each other. Beattie's book instead seems dated to me, bound up as it is with the classic origins of the term "co-dependence" in the partners of alcoholics.
For me, the constant references to alcohol and Al- More...
For me, the constant references to alcohol and Al- More...
Jun 13, 2011
Joey
rated it:
Recommended as a "classic" on codependency. Unfortunately, it was too much of a "self-help" book for my tastes. While I am not averse to them in theory, I usually find them steeped in pop-psychology and inspirational pseudo-philosophy--which this book is. Beattie's recommendations also rely heavily on the twelve-steps program (which has proven to be the most effective treatment for alcoholism, none of our medical or advanced therapies have yet to surpass twelve-step's efficac
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May 21, 2010
Donna
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This is one of the most life-changing books I've ever read. I had a totally different interpretation of what codependency was and all the character traits it includes. It probably applies to most of us, the things we feel about ourselves and the things we do to ourselves and to others throughout our lives. It has changed my life for good.
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Jul 15, 2010
Anas
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This book is a great book. I liked it so much I read it in weeks (when it would have taken me a year, reading here and there) It is very easy to read and extremely interesting. Most of the examples are based on alcohol/drug addiction, even though I am not surrounded by those circumstances I found this book to be quite helpful. However, I believe the reader won't get as much from it if he/she isn't mentally ready to let their guards down and absorb the messages throughout the book. I can't unders
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Sep 26, 2011
Homa
rated it:
I am not a person who likes tough love, and it was a very hard to keep reading this book when it felt like I was being torn apart. But I was assured by the person who handed me this book, by looking at their happiness and personality, that the end must be better. Well, she was "tough love" statements through out the book. Reflecting/looking back after having read this book, and I do feel very good, and positive after all. Each chapter ended with an assignment/activity for one to comple
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Nov 08, 2010
Erin
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This book was recommended to me by my father when things between my alcoholic husband and I were at their worst. At first, I blew off the suggestion because I said, "I'm not dependent on anyone." But after my husband and I separated, I eventually decided to check it out. I was very surprised that the whole book describes me/my husband/our relationship almost exactly and that "codependent" doesn't mean what I thought it did. That aside, I found the book very boring and it took
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Oct 27, 2010
Sunflower
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This book is a classic in its genre, and I was looking for things to read on my Kindle, so chose it. Beattie writes very clearly and with great conviction. It is surprisingly easy to read, though at times the constant reference to alcoholism wore me down a bit. Which is really unfair, because that is where she comes from, and without it the book would never have been written, apart from which she is at pains to say that obviously you substitute your own label for alcoholism where appropriate. I
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Jul 28, 2010
CCR
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I picked up this book because the author kept referring back to it in The New Codependency. Codependent No More was written before The New Codependency. The author has great insight on codependency. This book will help codependents let go of the misguided reactions to situations that occur in everyday life. It is different from The New Codependency because the material in (...No More) is based on being codependent to an alcoholic or drug-addict. Codependent No More is still a wealth of info
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Jan 07, 2009
Renee
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I actually only skimmed this book, reading through quickly but I liked it far better than some other books on "adult children" and codependency. Instead of feeling "there's something wrong with me and all is going to fall apart if I dont' deal with it immediately (after 35 years of ignoring it)" like I felt after reading "Adult Children of Alcoholics", after reading this one I felt positive. Perhaps it was just the mood I was in when I read each of them, but this on
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Jan 18, 2011
Lorna
rated it:
Have you ever felt like someone else's words or behaviors shaped your whole day? Have you ever done something for someone else, when he was capable of doing it for himself? Are you currently in a relationship with someone who is dependent on a substance and/or is abusive verbally or physically? If so, you may be in a codependent relationship and this book may be helpful to you. It was written by a lay person and is almost devoid of jargon. This is a very practical guide to understanding and
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Aug 08, 2010
Joan
rated it:
Interesting insight for those of us who are people pleasers, accommodators, or think they are just being "helpful" to others but need to really just take care of their own needs and let others take care of theirs. Codependents are people who live with or lived with others who have compulsive disorders (addictions to various things) or
are mentally ill. They have learned how to cope with the people who have serious problems by accommodating them to the exclusion of their own need More...
are mentally ill. They have learned how to cope with the people who have serious problems by accommodating them to the exclusion of their own need More...
May 04, 2009
Amy
rated it:
"Codependency" has made its way through our culture but I did not really know what it meant, so I went back to this original source to learn more. Bingo. Eureka. Light bulbs popping on. I really connected with Melody Beattie's definition of a codependent as a person "who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior." It sounds simple, but encompasses a whole lot of misery. Read my complete review.
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Jun 07, 2009
Annamarie
rated it:
I can see why this book was recommended to me many years ago, and it's even more wonderful to find that it's not really all that useful to me anymore.
Most of the ideas in here I have read elsewhere. Much like the 12-step programs, it focuses on identifying the problem and behaviors in yourself so you can then work on them which (from experience) I know can be life-changing. There were less concrete skills given, it was more of a guided self-exploration. Not quite what I was hoping f More...
Most of the ideas in here I have read elsewhere. Much like the 12-step programs, it focuses on identifying the problem and behaviors in yourself so you can then work on them which (from experience) I know can be life-changing. There were less concrete skills given, it was more of a guided self-exploration. Not quite what I was hoping f More...
Sep 18, 2010
Barbara
rated it:
Absolutely life-changing. I thought co-dependency was centered around addictions such as alcoholism or compulsive disorders. In fact, there are many types of co-dependent relationships. Beattie helps us realize how to take care of ourselves and set boundaries with people who detract from our lives. If someone is no longer good for us, we need to detach. What a freeing and great feeling that is! I would like to give this book as a gift; it could be useful to people I know. I will read thi
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May 21, 2010
Katie
rated it:
I'm going to go ahead and say I've finished this, even though I haven't. It's ok. She has some good ideas about self-improvement. It's a good resource for anyone who's overinvolved in someone else's life, like the client I recommended it to. (I read it because I suggested a client read it, and the client snapped it right up and thinks it fits them to a T.)
Downside is that Beattie sees no cure for codependency...you am one or you ain't, and once you are one, you are one, and you More...
Downside is that Beattie sees no cure for codependency...you am one or you ain't, and once you are one, you are one, and you More...
Aug 06, 2008
Sab1969
rated it:
I'm only 25 pages into this book and I feel like I am reading an autobiography. I have felt so alone and misunderstood. I am begining to realize where my depression, quilt, inability to live my life and the need for control has come from. I realize I cannot sacrifice who I am by trying to save someone else. I cannot change anyone but myself. I cannot be superwomen and save someone from there self and take total responsibility for their happiness. When I do that I am unhappy, because I leave no t
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Feb 29, 2008
Juliana
rated it:
Taken from my blog at http://blog.geekuniverse.org/2008/02/boo...
In case it isn't already clear, I'm talking about two separate books here. One book is titled "Codependent No More" and the other is "Beyond Codependency." I picked them up at the library after hearing the term codependent used in The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. I've been interested in learning about the concept in the past and never gotten around to it.
So what is codependency? The t More...
In case it isn't already clear, I'm talking about two separate books here. One book is titled "Codependent No More" and the other is "Beyond Codependency." I picked them up at the library after hearing the term codependent used in The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. I've been interested in learning about the concept in the past and never gotten around to it.
So what is codependency? The t More...
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Aug 31, 2011
Jen
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My mother gave me this book, and while I can't say it changed my life, it has definitely given me a lot of insight into some of the patterns in my life and has helped me to start my healing process.
This is not a book you finish and pass on or put back on the shelf to be forgotten. I'm sure I will be going back to the book to do the exercises and refresh my memory on certain things. For anyone just discovering that he/she is codependent, this book is an excellent way to start your More...
This is not a book you finish and pass on or put back on the shelf to be forgotten. I'm sure I will be going back to the book to do the exercises and refresh my memory on certain things. For anyone just discovering that he/she is codependent, this book is an excellent way to start your More...
May 27, 2010
jillian
rated it:
life changing, for sure. M.B. is a wizard, plain and simple. ha ha... I read this in like 5 hours. Fantastically, I didn't walk away wanting more- instead, I felt very satisfied and ready to put to action everything that she proposed. My only complaint- I cannot stand when any one program or essay or whatever strives for religious neutrality, yet they refer to God as "He". Yes, I substituted it for my own understanding but... kind of an odd thing to overlook in this particular book, in
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Feb 28, 2011
Ben
rated it:
I read this because a pastor said it would help me understand the issue of "enmeshment." It didn't really, but it was a good book. The term has been so widely used, and so carelessly, that it means almost nothing anymore. Yet in the original context it goes to the heart of some very important concepts. I strongly recommend this book to anyone struggling with what it means to love a person who is dependent on drugs, alcohol, or other similar issues.
Dec 05, 2011
Jason
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I have not ever been a big "self help" book kind of reader but I did learn a lot about my self as I read this book. If you are someone who ever feels like you base your opinion of yourself too much on what others think of you or what you assume they think of you then you will probably relate to some of the topics discussed here. This book is just one of many things recently in my life that have helped me become a happier and more content member of the planet. Not a bad deal!
