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29th out of 299 books
—
403 voters
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Do you hunger for skills to improve the quality of your relationships, to deepen your sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively? Unfortunately, for centuries our culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even violence. Nonviolent Communication partners practical skills with a powe...more
Paperback, 220 pages
Published
September 1st 2003
by Puddledancer Press
(first published 1990)
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I listened to (i.e., did not rad) this book in the car. Without any doubt, the concepts contained in it should be taught to the young in this country. And the old. And all over the world.
I'm not sure this was the best presentation of it, and the book is dated. The audiobook, in particular, was quite a struggle to get through. One of my pet peeves is when an author makes up stories and then claims them to be true when he tells them, pointing out how the story just so naturally fits in with his th...more
I'm not sure this was the best presentation of it, and the book is dated. The audiobook, in particular, was quite a struggle to get through. One of my pet peeves is when an author makes up stories and then claims them to be true when he tells them, pointing out how the story just so naturally fits in with his th...more
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A brilliant handbook for how to talk to people without judging them, alienating them, or really pissing them off. The book is enlivened with a number of transcripts of conversations in which the author and his acquaintances get it right sometimes and fail at other times. The basic idea will be familiar to anyone who has had a little therapy or knows a therapist: you talk about your feelings, not what the other person is doing wrong. Of course, that is difficult to do under the best of circumstan...more
I've read this book before, years ago and was enormously impressed with the ideas in it. However, I found it difficult to put the ideas into practice. Am now currently taking a course in Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication theory and have renewed hope about my ability to put the ideas into practice. I figure if I can learn to communicate with compassion it will be the first step towards being a wise person! :)
A warning about this book: If you'd rather remain blissfully ignorant of your own emo...more
A warning about this book: If you'd rather remain blissfully ignorant of your own emo...more
6 likes · like · see review
Excellent excellent book. I'm going to have to re-read while taking notes to get a usable understanding of the techniques.
This should be mandatory reading for humans.
This should be mandatory reading for humans.
I wish I had read this book a long time ago. "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. is full of wisdom.
The book starts off by explaining the process of Nonviolent Communication which boils down to four steps:
1. Observe what's happening - what's really going on? What is happening or being said that you either like or dislike?
2. Identify your feelings about it - anger, joy, hopeful, inspired, lonely?
3. Figure out what need you have that is driving that feelin...more
The book starts off by explaining the process of Nonviolent Communication which boils down to four steps:
1. Observe what's happening - what's really going on? What is happening or being said that you either like or dislike?
2. Identify your feelings about it - anger, joy, hopeful, inspired, lonely?
3. Figure out what need you have that is driving that feelin...more
I read this book a few years ago for a required class taught by a TRULY terrible professor who made us run the class ourselves. During one student lecture another student who was offended ran out of the room crying and he literally just shrugged. At one point a student pointed out a racist cartoon in one of our books (circa 1930) and he had us write an essay either defending or condemning it - but HIS position was in defense of it, so we either had to defend racism or write an essay disagreeing...more
Don't let the title fool you- this book has less to do with the violence we're trained to recognize and more to do with the subtle kind that can overwhelm our communication; compassionate communication sums up better, the contents of the book.
We're taught some of the basics of how to make requests and what to think of conflict/discussion/relationships but how much do we really know about a peaceful way to go about it? Very little. At least such was the case for me. I was taught how to view mysel...more
We're taught some of the basics of how to make requests and what to think of conflict/discussion/relationships but how much do we really know about a peaceful way to go about it? Very little. At least such was the case for me. I was taught how to view mysel...more
Nonviolent Communication (NVC for short) is about empathic listening and self-expression.
The core idea is to listen for and(/or) express four kinds of things: observations, feelings, needs and actions. For instance, "When you say 'you never do X' [observation], I get annoyed [feeling] because my need for recognition of effort [need] isn't getting met. Would you mind saying 'I want you to do X more often' instead? [action request]".
Two objections to that example should spring to mind: one, that's...more
The core idea is to listen for and(/or) express four kinds of things: observations, feelings, needs and actions. For instance, "When you say 'you never do X' [observation], I get annoyed [feeling] because my need for recognition of effort [need] isn't getting met. Would you mind saying 'I want you to do X more often' instead? [action request]".
Two objections to that example should spring to mind: one, that's...more
This book is a fabulous introduction to the notion that we can help create a more peaceful world by improving our ability to communicate effectively and compassionately. Rosenberg points out a disturbing fact: we have more words in our language with which to judge each other (and ourselves) than we do to express our emotions. By learning to feel and express our emotions with words, we become less likely to act aggressively from these same emotions. When we can honestly say, "I feel angry when yo...more
I found this book motivating and intriguing and an excellent book for personal growth. The book describes Nonviolent Communication (NVC) - an approach to using language that seeks to create connection the natural outgrowth of which, according to NVC, is compassion. I felt motivated by the potential to create deeper, more satisfying relationships where needs are met. I was intrigued by stories and experiences of using NVC that Marshall Rosenberg, the author and founder of NVC, describes. Whether...more
This is the type of book that I would never pick up in a store or library. The design (the earth inside a flower), the subtitle "a language of life," the emphasis on the "Phd" after the author's name - all cues to me of a likely unhelpful, overly cutesy "self-help" book. Blech.
But so many people have recommended this book to me that I looked past these things and recently ordered a used copy. For a moment, I thought I was about to be punished for relaxing my previous resistance. Beware: there is...more
But so many people have recommended this book to me that I looked past these things and recently ordered a used copy. For a moment, I thought I was about to be punished for relaxing my previous resistance. Beware: there is...more
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This book was first recommended to me by a close friend Sonja, and when I encountered it as a reference for a mediation workshop, I decided to purchase it. In the beginning, I thought it was just an expansion of the basic "I" message that we teach the children in school: When ____, I feel __________, so please ______________. In some ways it was, but the expansion delivered in much more depth, how the empathetic comment, and clarifying and reframing can indeed help both ourselves and others to m...more
I enjoyed this book.
I've wanted to read about Nonviolent communication for years, and kept forgetting to add it to my bookshelf. Who couldn't communicate more effectively?
What I quickly discovered is that I've fallen into communication traps--it's almost part of our culture. I particularly loved Rosenberg's section on anger, which discussed the emotion of anger as an emotion dependent upon our needs. He uses the example of a friend arriving late. If I felt impatient and bored waiting on my frien...more
I've wanted to read about Nonviolent communication for years, and kept forgetting to add it to my bookshelf. Who couldn't communicate more effectively?
What I quickly discovered is that I've fallen into communication traps--it's almost part of our culture. I particularly loved Rosenberg's section on anger, which discussed the emotion of anger as an emotion dependent upon our needs. He uses the example of a friend arriving late. If I felt impatient and bored waiting on my frien...more
Overall this is a great book that teaches one the premise behind Non-Violent Communication (NVC). Everyone could benefit from reading this book, not only those who would like to improve their communication skills but also those who live, work with and interact with violent communicators on a daily basis. His principles teach us how to regulate our thinking and how to respond and learn to listen with compassion. Rather than taking offense to others' words, we ought to learn to listen to their hea...more
I heard Marshall Rosenberg speak with Terry Gross last year and was captivated. I am still wrapping my head around the practice-- very difficult to break old habits-- but the few times over the last two days I've tried this, honest, constructive information burst out immediately. I will try to integrate these methods into the classes I am currently teaching-- this is communication gold.
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"Nonviolent Communication". The title itself infers that normal communication involves violence. That words hurt, and that the act of speaking can do harm. But what may seem like a technique on conflict resolution is also a guide towards better, smoother communication in many common conversational situations. If, as I have been taught, the goal of communication is to improve interpersonal relationships, then the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) technique is a great way to develop those compassiona...more
I first heard about this book when reading the chapter on Speaking Truthfully in Insight Dialogue and then learned more from reading an excerpt in Wisdom of Listening by Mark Brady. If your goal is more genuine, less reactive and combative communication, this is the book for you. It’s all about how to speak and listen for the deeper meaning and how to communicate in a manner that allows each person to be heard without blame and guilt. The essence of the technique, both when speaking and listenin...more
Buddhism for Mothers referenced this book, since it talks about how we tend to view the world as right or wrong, and discipline our kids according to this model. Rosenberg's book suggests a totally different theory: the concept that people have needs and that all our hard feelings result from not getting our needs met. So instead of scolding our kids for making a mess, this book encourages the notion that we really need cleanliness or respect for our home.
It's great theory, and I'm really strug...more
It's great theory, and I'm really strug...more
I would highly recommend this book to absolutely everyone I know, those with good and poor communicating skills alike.
Rosenberg very clearly explains the natural habits that we fall into in our communication that even when appearing to be kind or nonjudgmental, are really not helpful (life-alienating, as he calls it.) He would have us never call anyone anything, but say what they did or said and how it made us feel, or how it did or did not meet our needs or wants. This is true for negative or p...more
Rosenberg very clearly explains the natural habits that we fall into in our communication that even when appearing to be kind or nonjudgmental, are really not helpful (life-alienating, as he calls it.) He would have us never call anyone anything, but say what they did or said and how it made us feel, or how it did or did not meet our needs or wants. This is true for negative or p...more
In some of the circles I move, this book (or rather NVC in general) frequently gets a bad rap for being focused on communication and how sometimes it feels manipulative and stilted for those on the receiving end of someone practicing it. About 2/3rds of the content of the book is dedicated to the how's of the communication, so I think its easy to see why folks feel this way and to then dismiss it as a specialized form of talking. But focusing on the remaining 1/3rd of the book (which is spread o...more
This is one of the best books I have found on improving communication skills. Presently, there is a huge vacuum in the education system when it comes to teaching how to improve communication skills.
We are educated to think in different ways, judging and demanding, rather than hearing the needs of others. It is extremely difficult in complex situations to change gear and transform one's thinking and language to follow Rosenburg's suggestions. Of course it has to happen if you want to change your...more
We are educated to think in different ways, judging and demanding, rather than hearing the needs of others. It is extremely difficult in complex situations to change gear and transform one's thinking and language to follow Rosenburg's suggestions. Of course it has to happen if you want to change your...more
The non-violent communication process: the concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being.
How we FEEL in relation to what we are observing
The NEEDS, values, desires, etc., that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we REQUEST in order to enrich our lives.
Marshall Rosenberg quotes Marianne Williamson at the end of this book:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that f...more
How we FEEL in relation to what we are observing
The NEEDS, values, desires, etc., that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we REQUEST in order to enrich our lives.
Marshall Rosenberg quotes Marianne Williamson at the end of this book:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that f...more
Feb 09, 2013
Virginia Bryant
added it
More than ever we need to be looking at options to the way things have been done in the past.
This is the ultimate in self responsibility, purged of blame and attack.
some helpful notes, as much for myself as any one else-
Steps to expressing anger, Stop. Breathe, 2 Identify our judgemental thoughts. (when we judge others we contribute to violence.)
3 Connect with our needs. $ Express our feelings and unmet needs.
*******
After we express ourselves vulnerably, we often want to know what the listener i...more
This is the ultimate in self responsibility, purged of blame and attack.
some helpful notes, as much for myself as any one else-
Steps to expressing anger, Stop. Breathe, 2 Identify our judgemental thoughts. (when we judge others we contribute to violence.)
3 Connect with our needs. $ Express our feelings and unmet needs.
*******
After we express ourselves vulnerably, we often want to know what the listener i...more
This concept of thinking and speaking is truly awesome. I found it has helped me through several situations where things could have had a very undesirable outcome. While I am still practicing, and have not yet perfected my use of NVC, I will continue to use it whenever I can. It is a challenge I must say, but after 34 years of being a jackal it isn't easy to become a giraffe and it does take time and practice. There are online groups that I find helpful. I have joined a few and have used their o...more
Wow, this is one of those life-changing books. Love this concept. Rosenberg is a clinical psychologist who studied under Carl Rogers.
Further reading: Life enriching education by Marshall Rosenberg, Raising children compassionately by M.R., Teaching children compassionately by M.R., Speak peace in a world of conflict by M.R., Being me, loving you by M.R., The heart of social change by M.R., Practical spirituality by M.R., Nonviolent communication companion workbook by Lucy Leu, Respectful parents...more
Further reading: Life enriching education by Marshall Rosenberg, Raising children compassionately by M.R., Teaching children compassionately by M.R., Speak peace in a world of conflict by M.R., Being me, loving you by M.R., The heart of social change by M.R., Practical spirituality by M.R., Nonviolent communication companion workbook by Lucy Leu, Respectful parents...more
This is one of the most amazing books I've ever read. I wish that I could have found this book ten years ago. I believe it could have made a big difference in relationships I've been in. It teaches how to communicate empathetically, both to listen and to express, from the perspective of feelings, needs and requests, rather than thoughts, judgements and demands. I can see how many mistakes I've made in communicating with people I care for over the years and I'm determined to learn how to use the...more
Really one of the best books on how to communicate difficult topics with people in all manor of situations. Or just communicating in general. I try and use its techniques whenever possible.
This book contains many useful general guidelines for understanding your own needs and properly communicating those needs to other people. It provides tools for increasing your empathy with other people by properly communicating with them, to ascertain what their particular needs are. While I would recommend this book to people who have problems communicating, it is merely an unscientific overview of Rosenberg's own particular style of communication, which he has dubbed (I would say erroneously)...more
Dec 04, 2009
Jillian
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
everyone
Recommended to Jillian by:
I read about it in another book I enjoyed.
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
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This was my first book on NVC. I just purchased a follow-up, "Living Nonviolent Communication".
I am intrigued by this topic and found much of what Rosenberg has to say compelling. My current challenge with NVC is that the language examples given in the book feel disconnected and impersonal. This is ironic as NVC is quite the opposite. I am hoping to find ways to express myself in a more NVC-oriented manner without losing my own voice. I am sure this is possible.
I've been practicing NVC in corres...more
I am intrigued by this topic and found much of what Rosenberg has to say compelling. My current challenge with NVC is that the language examples given in the book feel disconnected and impersonal. This is ironic as NVC is quite the opposite. I am hoping to find ways to express myself in a more NVC-oriented manner without losing my own voice. I am sure this is possible.
I've been practicing NVC in corres...more
| topics | posts | views | last activity | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg | 1 | 8 | Nov 26, 2012 05:05am | |
| Better World Book...: Discussion of Nonviolent Communication | 1 | 6 | Nov 05, 2012 11:41am | |
| non violent communication by marshall rosenberg | 1 | 16 | May 25, 2008 06:53pm |
Marshall Rosenberg is an American psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication, a communication process that helps people to exchange the information necessary to resolve conflicts and differences peacefully. He is the founder and Director of Educational Services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international non-profit organization.
In 1961, Rosenberg received his Ph.D....more
More about Marshall B. Rosenberg...
In 1961, Rosenberg received his Ph.D....more
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“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”
—
31 people liked it
“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”
—
12 people liked it
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