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52nd out of 127 books
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151 voters
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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Do you hunger for skills to improve the quality of your relationships, to deepen your sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively? Unfortunately, for centuries our culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even violence. Nonviolent Communication partners practical skills with a powe...more
Paperback, 220 pages
Published
September 1st 2003
by Puddledancer Press
(first published 1990)
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A brilliant handbook for how to talk to people without judging them, alienating them, or really pissing them off. The book is enlivened with a number of transcripts of conversations in which the author and his acquaintances get it right sometimes and fail at other times. The basic idea will be familiar to anyone who has had a little therapy or knows a therapist: you talk about your feelings, not what the other person is doing wrong. Of course, that is difficult to do under the best of circum...more
I found this book motivating and intriguing and an excellent book for personal growth. The book describes Nonviolent Communication (NVC) - an approach to using language that seeks to create connection the natural outgrowth of which, according to NVC, is compassion. I felt motivated by the potential to create deeper, more satisfying relationships where needs are met. I was intrigued by stories and experiences of using NVC that Marshall Rosenberg, the author and founder of NVC, describes. Whether ...more
This is the type of book that I would never pick up in a store or library. The design (the earth inside a flower), the subtitle "a language of life," the emphasis on the "Phd" after the author's name - all cues to me of a likely unhelpful, overly cutesy "self-help" book. Blech.
But so many people have recommended this book to me that I looked past these things and recently ordered a used copy. For a moment, I thought I was about to be punished for relaxing ...more
But so many people have recommended this book to me that I looked past these things and recently ordered a used copy. For a moment, I thought I was about to be punished for relaxing ...more
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This book was first recommended to me by a close friend Sonja, and when I encountered it as a reference for a mediation workshop, I decided to purchase it. In the beginning, I thought it was just an expansion of the basic "I" message that we teach the children in school: When ____, I feel __________, so please ______________. In some ways it was, but the expansion delivered in much more depth, how the empathetic comment, and clarifying and reframing can indeed help both ourselves a...more
Overall this is a great book that teaches one the premise behind Non-Violent Communication (NVC). Everyone could benefit from reading this book, not only those who would like to improve their communication skills but also those who live, work with and interact with violent communicators on a daily basis. His principles teach us how to regulate our thinking and how to respond and learn to listen with compassion. Rather than taking offense to others' words, we ought to learn to listen to their ...more
I heard Marshall Rosenberg speak with Terry Gross last year and was captivated. I am still wrapping my head around the practice-- very difficult to break old habits-- but the few times over the last two days I've tried this, honest, constructive information burst out immediately. I will try to integrate these methods into the classes I am currently teaching-- this is communication gold.
"Nonviolent Communication". The title itself infers that normal communication involves violence. That words hurt, and that the act of speaking can do harm. But what may seem like a technique on conflict resolution is also a guide towards better, smoother communication in many common conversational situations. If, as I have been taught, the goal of communication is to improve interpersonal relationships, then the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) technique is a great way to deve...more
I first heard about this book when reading the chapter on Speaking Truthfully in Insight Dialogue and then learned more from reading an excerpt in Wisdom of Listening by Mark Brady. If your goal is more genuine, less reactive and combative communication, this is the book for you. It’s all about how to speak and listen for the deeper meaning and how to communicate in a manner that allows each person to be heard without blame and guilt. The essence of the technique, both when speaking and listen...more
I would highly recommend this book to absolutely everyone I know, those with good and poor communicating skills alike.
Rosenberg very clearly explains the natural habits that we fall into in our communication that even when appearing to be kind or nonjudgmental, are really not helpful (life-alienating, as he calls it.) He would have us never call anyone anything, but say what they did or said and how it made us feel, or how it did or did not meet our needs or wants. This is true for n...more
Rosenberg very clearly explains the natural habits that we fall into in our communication that even when appearing to be kind or nonjudgmental, are really not helpful (life-alienating, as he calls it.) He would have us never call anyone anything, but say what they did or said and how it made us feel, or how it did or did not meet our needs or wants. This is true for n...more
Thystle
rated it
In some of the circles I move, this book (or rather NVC in general) frequently gets a bad rap for being focused on communication and how sometimes it feels manipulative and stilted for those on the receiving end of someone practicing it. About 2/3rds of the content of the book is dedicated to the how's of the communication, so I think its easy to see why folks feel this way and to then dismiss it as a specialized form of talking. But focusing on the remaining 1/3rd of the book (which is spread o...more
The non-violent communication process: the concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being.
How we FEEL in relation to what we are observing
The NEEDS, values, desires, etc., that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we REQUEST in order to enrich our lives.
Marshall Rosenberg quotes Marianne Williamson at the end of this book:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure....more
How we FEEL in relation to what we are observing
The NEEDS, values, desires, etc., that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we REQUEST in order to enrich our lives.
Marshall Rosenberg quotes Marianne Williamson at the end of this book:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure....more
I listened to (i.e., did not rad) this book in the car. Without any doubt, the concepts contained in it should be taught to the young in this country. And the old. And all over the world.
I'm not sure this was the best presentation of it, and the book is dated. The audiobook, in particular, was quite a struggle to get through. One of my pet peeves is when an author makes up stories and then claims them to be true when he tells them, pointing out how the story just so naturally fits in with his th...more
I'm not sure this was the best presentation of it, and the book is dated. The audiobook, in particular, was quite a struggle to get through. One of my pet peeves is when an author makes up stories and then claims them to be true when he tells them, pointing out how the story just so naturally fits in with his th...more
m.bryan.welton
added it
this is my first attempt at reading and thinking about self-help literature seriously, and it's hard for me to rate this book. under certain circumstances, i might find myself suggesting it to friends. while at the same time, i'm not sure if i actually "liked" it.
on one hand, i feel like i'm in fundamental disagreement with the author's thesis about judgment and violence, and found his narrative voice difficult to trust and even irritating at times. too often i suspected t...more
on one hand, i feel like i'm in fundamental disagreement with the author's thesis about judgment and violence, and found his narrative voice difficult to trust and even irritating at times. too often i suspected t...more
Wow, this is one of those life-changing books. Love this concept. Rosenberg is a clinical psychologist who studied under Carl Rogers.
Further reading: Life enriching education by Marshall Rosenberg, Raising children compassionately by M.R., Teaching children compassionately by M.R., Speak peace in a world of conflict by M.R., Being me, loving you by M.R., The heart of social change by M.R., Practical spirituality by M.R., Nonviolent communication companion workbook by Lucy Leu, Re...more
Further reading: Life enriching education by Marshall Rosenberg, Raising children compassionately by M.R., Teaching children compassionately by M.R., Speak peace in a world of conflict by M.R., Being me, loving you by M.R., The heart of social change by M.R., Practical spirituality by M.R., Nonviolent communication companion workbook by Lucy Leu, Re...more
Really one of the best books on how to communicate difficult topics with people in all manor of situations. Or just communicating in general. I try and use its techniques whenever possible.
Jillian
rated it
Recommends it for:
everyone
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I read about it in another book I enjoyed.
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Fourteen pages of notes, several followup wanna reads recommended by the author, makes this book is the most significant book I have read in some time. I started by watching the DVD of his training session in Crescenta, CA, 2004 and at the beginning I said to my self "This man is a real fruitcake!". Sticking with the training, it did not take long for his true genius to come out. He speaks well, he writes well, he is a true educator and he has something important to teach.
...more
Great insights into the dynamic of human communication when in conflict. The insights and suggestions are unarguably powerful and transformational but the application is extremely difficult as it requires a complete rewiring of our instinctive emotions and responses (defensiveness, anger, blame) which can only come about by consciously practicing the principles over and over again. Marshall does make it easy by condensing the process into only a few steps, but the rest is up to you. Highly recom...more
If you want to learn to experience more connection of compassion, warmth, love, and understanding - read this book. This book is a great companion volume to any serious meditation or contemplative prayer practice. It will teach you how to spot the differences between evaluations and observations, feelings and thoughts, needs and strategies, and requests and demands - most of which people confuse unconsciously due to very old habit patterns of the mind. This book is for those who want to chang...more
Grace Co
is currently reading it
giraffe not jackyl
First of all I gave this book 4 stars because it helped me realise I hadn't learnt the skills to identify my feelings as a child, nor for that matter as a young man. Even now I have to look at the list of feelings written down to be able to enunciate them. Thus I wasn't able to request my needs. That's what this book taught me. That's what I learnt. And for that reason I credit it. I had been exploring difficulties in my relationship and to that extent it helped. We do have feelings, we do have ...more
Rosenberg manages to explain extremely eloquently that we can avoid violence (in the loosest sense) in all communication by taking responsibility for own own feelings and needs, and never passing judgement (positive or negative; thanking someone can still be done in terms of what needs they helped us meet) over other people.
The methodology is very simple and easy to understand but it is quite hard to put into practice. Already, though, I can see the effect thinking this way is having o...more
The methodology is very simple and easy to understand but it is quite hard to put into practice. Already, though, I can see the effect thinking this way is having o...more
Elisabeth Hurley
rated it
This book may just have the ability to change every interaction I have for the better. I just finished reading it for the first time, but I know I will be coming back and rereading this book again and again to get a deeper understanding, and further inspiration. The language style he advocates using is absolutely awkward in modern conversation, so it will take some time and practice to get really used to it to the point where I can incorporate into daily life. But the value of changing my langu...more
While overly outcome-expectant...while so semantic-tangled, you can end up saying nothing, tongue-tied with rules, rather that communicating...this book is HELLA LIFESAVER. Pick it up next time anyone calls you 'verbally abusive' and breaks up with you, to at least look like you're trying. Send copies to your fucked-up family. Or, put the cynicism aside and change your perceptions, communications, and LIFE. Hear the needs of yourself and others and quit sounding like a hater...of yourself an...more
This book got me thinking about a lot of ways we communicate ("violently") that are so common that they happen on a daily basis and we don't give them a second thought, and yet can be really counterproductive. I think this is a great book for parents, especially, but there is lots here for anyone in a relationship. The author also calls it "compassionate communication", a term I prefer. The book focuses on teaching us to connect with feelings and needs - our own and those of ...more
I applaud Rosenberg's intention to bring peace and reconciliation through better communication. Rosenberg offers many potentially helpful insights in this book. His call for a therapist to bring him/herself into psychotherapy was refreshing. It could create less of a power differential and perhaps be more healing in its inclusivity and open acknowledgement of all individuals in the room. He also shows how we can get stuck in patterns that defeat the outcomes we're hoping for, and suggests, via M...more
While many of the techniques presented in this slim volume are entirely worthwhile and of great value in making oneself clear and defusing potentially tense communications, I still disagree with some of the author's fundamental categorization of "needs." While it may be useful, or even necessary under certain circumstances, to address the desires of another person in addition to, or even perhaps prior to, their needs, I continue to maintain that there is an important distinction to be...more
This is the best book I've ever read on communication. It's also one of the best I've read on psychology and spirituality, which are really just forms of intrapersonal communication, and this book shows how to do that just as we communicate with one another.
This book is deceptively simple, but by no means easy. Imagine learning to walk for the first time. You could read a book that explains it, literally step by step. One foot in front of the other. But training your mind and bo...more
This book is deceptively simple, but by no means easy. Imagine learning to walk for the first time. You could read a book that explains it, literally step by step. One foot in front of the other. But training your mind and bo...more
I first read this book about five years ago and reread it this week. In it, there is a lovely chart with a list of "basic feelings we all have" and "some basic needs we all have." Rosenberg argues that negative feelings arise when our basic human needs (e.g. love, respect, safety, etc.) are not being met, and that we can communicate more lovingly and effectively by focusing attention on the emotions behind people's statements, not just the statements themselves, and reacting ...more
The book is overdue and I need to turn it in. Overdue in more than the-library-wants-it-back kind of way. Finished it a few days ago and I’ve been meaning to say something about it.
I didn’t mark any passages that struck me, that would have been basically like me copying the book. All around, I was really taken with the book, caught up in it, nodding my head, smiling, a bit of tears at the end for which I feel silly mentioning but…, and making analogous connections to similar thoughts...more
I didn’t mark any passages that struck me, that would have been basically like me copying the book. All around, I was really taken with the book, caught up in it, nodding my head, smiling, a bit of tears at the end for which I feel silly mentioning but…, and making analogous connections to similar thoughts...more
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Marshall Rosenberg is an American psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication, a communication process that helps people to exchange the information necessary to resolve conflicts and differences peacefully. He is the founder and Director of Educational Services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international non-profit organization.
In 1961, Rosenberg receive...more
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“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”
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10 people liked it
“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”
—
6 people liked it
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