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Hurt

4.28 of 5 stars 4.28 · rating details · 120 ratings · 30 reviews

Willful Vanka thinks she is dying. Galen, a famous actor, feels his life has become a superficial mirage. And beautiful Khalid can only love people who hurt him. When these three find themselves caught up in each others' lives, will their risky games of domination and submission destroy them? Or will they find solace from a lifetime of hurt?
Word Count: 101,675

ebook, 305 pages

Published by Excessica Publishing (first published July 28th 2008)

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Mar 11, 2013 Baba ♥♥♥ Marcus, Tyler, Tate, Dan, Ty, & Hunter rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: all-time-favorites, spellbound, love-triangle

5+++ painful and emotional stars.*****Review completed March 11, 2013

Can someone love more than one person?

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Painful. Intense. Somber. Sad. Raw. Rough. Evocative. Erotic. Carnal. Hopeful. Beautiful.

This book is so much more than prime erotica. So, so much more.

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Let's not beat around the bush because the reader should know that this book deals with breast cancer. I don't consider this information a real spoiler. Every reader has to make up her/his mind if she/he is willing to deal with this aspect...more

96 likes · like · see review

Mar 10, 2013 Ilhem rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: mmf

GR is asking me what I think : will I ever find the words?

What did I receive from this book?
Three beings roughly manhandled by life, damaged in their sense of self and self value, in their identity.
Three hurting, scared souls among milliards, falling apart.
Three complex, flawed and caring persons, trying to master pain and fear, playing mind games, sex games, imprisoning themselves and the other behind protective walls and struggling to be, to love and be loved.

Krylov’s powerfully evocative wri...more

12 likes · like · see review

Feb 11, 2013 deirdre rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-f, m-m, personal-journey

this book is very difficult for me to rate/review.
This is an amazing read. Very well written. Very powerful characters. An intense storyline.
These characters and their story will not leave you untouched.

we all come to books with our own baggage, our own experiences. they taint how we experience a book. amazon has this book listed as erotica. it is. there is a TON of sex in this book in a variety of permutations.

BUT . . . the blurb does not prepare the reader for a journey with breast cancer.

th...more

9 likes · like · see review

Apr 24, 2013 Ash Wednesday (Cupcake Ninja) rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Ash Wednesday (Cupcake Ninja) by: Rebecca

Shelves: erotica, two-men-and-a-lady, yaoi, why-do-i-love-depressing-shiz, review

3.5 STARS

"Do you think a person can love, be in love with more than one person?"

If your answer to that question is anything less than the affirmative, then this book is definitely not going to make sense. Personally, I'd answer that question with a yes but with many qualifiers, which I guess explains a lot about how I feel towards this book.

Menage stories thus far is still very foreign to me, particularly those that strive to work the characters involved into an actual relationship. I have a...more

8 likes · like · see review

Mar 03, 2013 Rebecca rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: all-time-favourites, romance, emotional-bullet-to-my-head, dark, fave-men, fave-females, taboo, twisted-romance, fave-heavy-reading, non-con-dub-con, fave-writing, super-sexy-times

Reading In The Dark Blog
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A fantastic emotional journey, this book was incredibly difficult to read.

Vanka, a woman diagnosed with breast cancer meets Galen a jaded movie star. Things are going well between them as a pair and the relationship soon evolves to include Galen’s part time lover Khalid. The book is an exploration of how events and emotions can affect the dynamic of a relationship and the growth the characters experience as a result.

It is a very intim...more Reading In The Dark Blog
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A fantastic emotional journey, this book was incredibly difficult to read.

Vanka, a woman diagnosed with breast cancer meets Galen a jaded movie star. Things are going well between them as a pair and the relationship soon evolves to include Galen’s part time lover Khalid. The book is an exploration of how events and emotions can affect the dynamic of a relationship and the growth the characters experience as a result.

It is a very intimate snapshot and as a reader you are aware that life is continuing on around the three but we are purely focused on this relationship. The more I write reviews the more I don’t like talking about plot, the enjoyment in books such as this lies in going on the journey as blind as our characters.

This is probably Krylov’s most accessible work even so it won’t reach a wide audience which is a shame as many people would fall in love with this book. The sex is used not primarily for sexual gratification but as a tool for the characters to deal with other issues within their lives. It’s a physical manifestation of hidden emotions like guilt or fear.

I don’t think you can simply read this book. It is not light reading- you kind of have to give yourself emotionally. There is not much action at all if I'm honest this book is complete and utter raw emotion. Unless you are willing to immerse yourself in the characters and go with them and their thought processes you can get lost.

Watching Vanka struggle with her femininity and self-worth was heart-breaking, Watching Galen’s journey was stunning- the Galen from the beginning of the book is almost unrecognizable at the end. Poor Khalid, I don’t even know what to say about him other than I loved him and felt for him. I would like more Khalid, he is an enigma and I would like to find out everything about him.

The whole book is relentlessly emotional. By far the most tender, raw thing I have ever read. If you are in the mood for something beautiful, difficult, tragic and sweet this is that book.(less)

6 likes · like · see review

Jul 21, 2011 ~Lei ~ Reading Is An Adventure~ rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Dark Erotica Readers

Shelves: content-drug-use, a-ebook, from-fictionwise, outcome-hea, sexual-mix-m-f, sexual-mix-m-m, sexual-mix-m-m-f, sexual-mix-m-f-m, genre-menage, a-read-in-2011-ereader, a-stand-alone, content-cancer, sexcontent-voyeur-exhibitionism, a-its-a-reread, character-gay-for-you, sexcontent-bdsm-elements, a-length-151-399-pages, character-artist, character-damaged-body, character-interracial-multicultural, character-gigolo-or-hooker, character-survivor, genre-erotica, outcome-permanent-menage, sex-erotic, sex-good-and-smutty, sexcontent-anal-play-sex, sexcontent-oral-play-sex, character-abuse-survivor, character-actor-actress, genre-dark-erotica, sex-my-naughty-fantasies, sexcontent-masturbation, sexcontent-menage-scene

Vanka met Galen Ross in an unusual way 5 hours after she had broken up with boyfriend of two years. Vanka and Galen both had big secrets - Vanka was 27 years old and had just had a lumpectomy - her mother dead at 29 (Vanka was 6) and her aunt dead at 31 of breast cancer and she's strongly considering a preemptive double mastectomy and Galen had a longtime male lover, Khalid (who had his own dark secret to deal with) whom he had met in France when he was shooting a movie. The relationship between...more

1 like · like · see review

Mar 23, 2013 Rae rated it 5 of 5 stars

I have read many books and I have been aroused, emotionally drained, but nothing has affected me like Hurt by Varian Krylov. It is a beautiful, emotional read that will stay with me for a long time.

This book deserves wide recognition. Intrigued by this writer I have looked up her other books and was shocked to find out that she has not written in a long time. Hurt is her most recent but Varian Krylov don’t stop with this book. You need to start writing again…………………….please?

This book is a must r...more I have read many books and I have been aroused, emotionally drained, but nothing has affected me like Hurt by Varian Krylov. It is a beautiful, emotional read that will stay with me for a long time.

This book deserves wide recognition. Intrigued by this writer I have looked up her other books and was shocked to find out that she has not written in a long time. Hurt is her most recent but Varian Krylov don’t stop with this book. You need to start writing again…………………….please?

This book is a must read. It deals with sensitive issues (breast cancer) and to a degree consent issues. It is not just a story about a three way relationship but I have to say this is one of the best MMF books I have ever read.

Varian Krylov also brings into the story the relationship of a woman with her own body, pre- and post-mastectomy, and about her relationship with death. Vanka has to reconstruct a different kind of sexuality for herself that is not defined by her mastectomy but incorporates it. The way the writing that describe this process is raw in physical terms and even rawer in emotional terms.

This is my kind of book. The characters have voices, distinct and fluid. The descriptive language is sensuous. The writing just draws you in.

There is also the unravelling of the stories of Galen and Khalid. The author brings into the story multicultural/interracial relationship where their cultural backgrounds sexuality and gender are an integral part of their identity. Galen has issues with homophobia, which leads to the ménage relationship being complicated.

The dubious consent – well was it really dubious? I will leave that with you to decide. It did not make me cringe or squirm because it was a surprise and I loved the way it was written.

The sex is blazing hot and starts off with rough sex and from there it really goes across the map but again don’t let it put you off because it was done in a way that was real and appropriate to the characters. The characters are not good at communicating their limits but you do know they want to be pushed over those limits. The line is not crossed here with the rough sex.

I simply loved this book and Varian Kyrov’s writing, the whole package. I did not want it to end and I cannot recommend it enough.

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Mar 20, 2013 Jenny - totallybookedblog rated it 5 of 5 stars

4.5 stars. Reviewed for http://totallybookedblog.com/

Gitte: I am sat here Jenny and I actually have no idea how or where to start this review, it was just so different to anything I have read in a long while. It was a hard read, and it hurt. It hurt so much that at times I wanted to put it down, but I just couldn’t.

To be honest, this book is certainly not for everyone. It will definitely push boundaries for some readers. In particular; readers who are or have been personally affected by breast c...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jan 22, 2012 Violetta Vane rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Anyone who likes MMF and isn't put off by dark themes

Shelves: mmf-or-other-menage, multicultural-or-interracial

This book blew my mind, it was that damn good. I'll definitely have to read it a second time; on the first go-round, I read it so quickly my fingers were getting wobbly! Everyone should read this book. Wait, that's probably not right. In fact, there are two main issues that could put off potential readers: the breast cancer and a strain of dubious consent. I'll talk about the breast cancer now and the dubious consent under the cut.

This is not just a book about a three-way relationship (although...more This book blew my mind, it was that damn good. I'll definitely have to read it a second time; on the first go-round, I read it so quickly my fingers were getting wobbly! Everyone should read this book. Wait, that's probably not right. In fact, there are two main issues that could put off potential readers: the breast cancer and a strain of dubious consent. I'll talk about the breast cancer now and the dubious consent under the cut.

This is not just a book about a three-way relationship (although it is, I think, the best MMF book I have ever read). It's also about the relationship of a woman to her own body, pre- and post-mastectomy, and about her relationship with death. I have a light history of breast cancer in my family, although no one has died of it, and I still found the book very hard to read at certain points. Vanka has to construct a new sexuality for herself that is not defined by her operation but still incorporates it. The descriptions of this process are raw in physical terms and even rawer in emotional terms.

I'll also admit right here in this review: I almost always hate hurt/comfort narratives in romance or erotica. I understand their appeal on a logical basis in terms of exciting extremes of emotion and power play. But I just don't find them sexy. The only thing less sexy to me than caregiving is the idea of someone taking care of me. So the why the hell did I love this book called "Hurt"? Maybe because the sex didn't really rise from comforting, but developed in an antagonistic relationship with it. Vanka handles her diagnosis with a complicated mixture of laudable stoicism and stupid denialism which ends up harming some innocent people in her life. It's a flawed but totally understandable reaction. And her lovers are also flawed and understandable as we gradually come to understand the issues that are messing them up.

Let me count some of the ways that this stands up above the glut of unreadable menage. There's a vibrant atmosphere to this book. The characters have distinctive voices. No, they don't exactly talk like real people, but they talk with a compelling fluidity, so that the long passages of dialogue that occasionally pop up are breathlessly gorgeous. Especially Khalid. I just want him to keep talking and talking. The descriptive language is so sensuous (there's one part where Vanka is just staring at a grapefruit that stunned me with its prose style) that it creates a kind of suspended reality or lucid dream effect upon reading. There's real suspense. I truly did not know what was going to happen next at many points, and parts of the revealed backstories shocked the hell out of me. This is a multicultural/interracial relationship where people's cultural backgrounds are an integral part of their identity. So was their sexuality and gender identity. One of the men has serious issues with internalized homophobia, for example. And the menage relationship was incredibly complicated, more than the sum of its parts… parts which were themselves complicated. Finally, if you get turned on by intellectual history, this book will thrill your pretentious soul like it did mine. I've never read a more charming combination of ass-f*cking and French existentialist name-dropping.

I will now go on to talk about the dubious consent under the cut. But if you're not put off already, I suggest you just buy the damn book and let it be a surprise because you will almost certainly love it. This was 100k words and I would have enjoyed it at twice the length.

(view spoiler)

Lastly, the flaws. This book could have used better editing and formatting. There were multiple instances of dropped quote marks in the first half of the book. Chapters weren't demarcated well and seemed to cut off at almost random points. Several transitions were problematic. Some adjectives (e.g. "umber") and adjective-noun pairs suffered from unnecessary repetition. I think the French language portions lacked accent marks. But really, that's all that stuck out for me.

I loved the book, loved the emotional journey, and I'm already on the lookout for more books by the author.
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5 likes · like · see review

Apr 05, 2013 Donna ~ The Romance Cover rated it 5 of 5 stars

This was a sad sad book, both emotional and tackling what some may see as a taboo subject in Breast Cancer..but the way that the book was written and the storyline handled only made this book so much more..this book is about a M/M/F threesome so some may find this a bit difficult to handle but all 3 love each other and it is such a beautiful story told magnificently.

"Willful Vanka thinks she is dying. Galen, a famous actor, feels his life has become a superficial mirage. And beautiful Khalid can...more

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Mar 20, 2013 Gitte - TotallyBookedBlog rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2013

Reviewed jointly on TotallyBooked: http://totallybookedblog.com/2013/03/...

Gitte: 5 stars
Jenny: 4.5 Stars

Gitte: I am sat here Jenny and I actually have no idea how or where to start this review, it was just so different to anything I have read in a long while. It was a hard read, and it hurt. It hurt so much that at times I wanted to put it down, but I just couldn’t.

To be honest, this book is certainly not for everyone. It will definitely push boundaries for some readers. In particular; readers...more

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Jan 03, 2013 Nicole rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: battle-of-the-books, jan-2013, erotic, people-who-cant-function, romance, favorites, double-the-lovin, kindle-lendable

I have read a few of Varian Krylov books and I think this is one of her best books that I have read to date.

This is a beautifully tragic ménage book. It's at times erotic, at times romantic, at times heart warming and at times heart wrenching.

The tale between these three is so very unique and awe inspiring. It kept me on my toes throughout the whole book. Them coming together - the love these three share seems like it could last a lifetime. The forces that keep them apart - you feel the surfac...more

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Mar 15, 2013 SilkeeeeeeReads rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: emotional-fiction, f-m-bdsm-romantica, f-m-romantica, fm-kink, fm-toys, mfm-m-nage

Hurt is a story encompassing three lives that were injured, one due to breast cancer, and the way they needed each other to move on from the hurt. There are painful moments that, as I woman, I think a lot of us fear. There were moments that remind you how much love can heal the pain of being hurt. Above all, it reminds you how much trust is needed.

There Is a sensuality that leaves you breathing a little quicker; every sexual moment pushing each character further towards what each person needed....more

5 likes · like · see review

Mar 03, 2013 Joy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: re-read-2013, favorites

"He held her huddled against his body as her grief tore her apart. It was a betrayal. Theatened. Hurt. To have her power,her control-or the illusion of it-ripped away."

This story is so very powerful--so beautifully written--I hope others can read this as a story of three damaged people coming together and finding peace and love--I know first hand the grief and agony felt when you hear the words "breast cancer"--to have your control over your body taken away--the author has written an accurate ac...more

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Feb 25, 2013 Bridget-Maree rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013-challenge-menage-group, 2013-february, battle-of-the-books, books-i-loved, genre-erotica-romance, content-mmf-mfm

The older I get the more convinced of somethings I become.

Reading this story only reinforces this belief.

I truly believe that love, and I mean deep, profound and enduring love comes in many forms. That our antiquated belief that it can only be found between one man and one woman is flawed. This story proves that love can exist between two men and a woman. That the type of love we all yearn for can be found in places we perhaps least expect it.

This novel left me breathless.

The writing was achin...more

4 likes · like · see review

Mar 03, 2013 Shelley added it

Recommended to Shelley by: Ilhem

This is such a hard book to rate. I thought I had read this story line before, but not like this. Never like this. Not with this kind of gray somber, melancholy atmosphere that seeps through the pages to envelope the reader.

The emotional game play is disturbing, frustrating, angsty and totally evocative. The authors writing is powerful and beautiful, probably the only reason I stayed with this book.

Three characters who are all hurt and damaged, facing fears, hiding behind walls, giving hope and...more

12 likes · like · see review

Sep 29, 2012 Bridget R. rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: e-book, erotica, favorites, made-me-cry, menage, m-f, m-m, why-dont-more-people-know-abut-this, look-a-real-relationship, five-star, dmc, 2012

Wow...where do I even start?

Hurt is an m/m/f story that would be best described as beautifully tragic.

I called this erotica, because while it has the plot of a romance and the characters declare their love for each other...the relationship feel incredibly fragile, like one wrong word could make it shatter.

The story feels almost dream like, with the reader feeling only the first layer of emotions, the rest being hidden behind a veil. I feel like this was a good thing. I think if that veil was re...more

2 likes · like · see review

Mar 22, 2013 Becki rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: yummy-chic-lit

This book was out of the box for what I typically read. It often felt like viewing a car accident...you just can't look away even though you think you shouldn't look. It was beautifully written. The character development was wonderful. The healing and growth of the characters was so powerful. But, again, since it felt uncomfortable to me, at times, I struggled with how to rate the book. I would recommend the book to those that are open minded.

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Mar 24, 2013 Bethmac rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites

Listen, once you are in this book, you are IN this book. Yes sexual scenes, yes breast cancer, yes love story, and yes MMF, but none of that matters. What becomes important the further you get is no longer the "why" that brings these people together, but the adjustments and strength that it takes. Also, nothing about this book's very laid bare scenes come across as anything more than true art.

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Aug 23, 2012 Kukko rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 1-app-kindle-borrowed, a-menage, a-happily-ever-after, a-bdsm, a-celebrity, a-erotic, character-film-star, sex-mix-m-m-f, 2012-fave, a-2b-gay-for-you

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Mar 28, 2013 Kaileymia rated it 4 of 5 stars

Hurt. Everyone experiences hurt in this novel: the reader, Vanka, Galen, and Khalid. Hurt gets tossed around so much you really don't know who should be hurting the most. A very proactive novel that was hard to put down.

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May 09, 2012 Vivian rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: erotica, erotica-favorites, mystery

Wow, this was darker than what I am used to, but very interesting. I liked it. It pushed boundaries and in some ways it was completely cerebral.

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Oct 17, 2012 The Book Bellas rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a beautifully written book, a must read. Unusual story. Very, very erotic.

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Apr 07, 2013 Kitti rated it 4 of 5 stars

Vanka and Galen meet after an accident on a rainy night in Los Angeles. She a woman who has just had a lumpectomy and broken up with her long-term boyfriend. He a famous actor. They have a strong desire for each other immediately and Vanka is soon introduced to Khalid, Galen's long time friend. This erotic novel is beautifully written and explores the question can you love more than one person and delves into a woman's fears about her body during breast cancer treatment. There is some D/s and a...more

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Jul 15, 2012 Pam Godwin rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 5-star-erotica, 5-star-romance

A rare gem, this story outclasses its M/F/M ilk in robustness, sensuality and dimension. Three grievous, unhealthly lives weave together through the devastation of cancer, sexual discovery, and belonging. This bond wouldn't be complete without all three characters, each one needing the others for reasons Krylov demonstrates with profound credibility. They have diverse identities, their backstories adding to the complexity of their relationship, resulting in a heartrending, satisfying menage.

1 like · like · see review

Feb 20, 2013 Mette rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2013, good-books

A great love story and very well-written. But a little bit prolonged.

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Apr 29, 2013 Liberty rated it 5 of 5 stars

Ummmm...WOW! Such an emotional read! I have no words for how this book made me feel when I was finished reading. I felt so sad for all 3 characters at one point or another. The characters worked very well together, I liked reading and seeing the relationships among them change as the book progressed. Overall, I loved this book.

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Nov 15, 2012 Yuki rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-2012, m-m-f, angst-drama

I loved this book as much as my black heart could love. Seriously. At the beginning I was like - what the fuck, I've read this storyline a thousand times before - but I was oh so sweetly deluded.
I loved Khalid here. I didn't give a single fuck about Vanka and Galen (but Vanka's father kinda stole my heart in a different way). I just loved this sad, heartbroken Algerian. Sue me.
Highly recommended.

4 likes · like · see review

Apr 08, 2013 Lucretia Garrett rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really enjoy this story. I will be reading it again soon...

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Oct 28, 2012 Suburbancowgirl rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: erotica, kinky-hot, mmf, other-rev-d-4-5-star, other-rev-d-dark-kink, great-story-writing, dark-and-twisty, smut-level-3-hot

Fist book I have read by this author, and she will probably become one of my favorites. I loved the exploration into the psyches of the characters. Loved that it was a darker story. It is a heavy read and not something I would pick up if I just want to get hot and bothered. This fills a specific role when I am looking for more depth to my smut.

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About Varian Krylov

Since her girlhood in a sunny coastal town in California, Varian Krylov has nurtured a love of words and a curiosity about the deep, dark forces at work in human nature, especially sexuality, and how they often paradoxically twine with our tenderest impulses. Her stories tend to explore the sometimes fine line between what arouses, and what frightens, what we’re driven to, and what we’re ashamed o...more

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