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Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
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Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

3.78 of 5 stars 3.78  ·  rating details  ·  43,270 ratings  ·  2,636 reviews
The hilarious new book from the star of Chelsea Lately and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea .
Get ready for big laughs as Chelsea Handler lets loose with more comic personal essays. In this new, no-holds-barred account of life on the ridiculous side, Chelsea mines the wealth of material that is her family, her sex life, her...more
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Published March 9th 2010 by Hachette Audio (first published March 1st 2010)
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Brandi Leigh
Only got half way through before I quit because felt like I was at a high school reunion with Chelsea and she couldn't shut up about her twenty years her senior boyfriend, who by the way OWNS the company that produces her show -it's on E! every night at 9pm/11pm/1am- therefore is her boss but she tells him to [enter graphic detail while i look awkwardly at man who is Clooney's age without his appeal] in bed, then retelling highly unlikely stories of her masturbatory girl scout years (hello! we w...more
Chantay
CC memo from Ms. Handlers desk: "Hey everyone I'm famous." "I'm so famous I don't even have to apply myself to actually admit my stories make my already outlandish diatribes sound believable or even funny." Thank you, for constantly reminding us how obviously much more "down-to-earth" you try to pretend to be (At the time you had)with that fancy-new-state-the-of-art-CEO-Boyfriend with accessories. Someone needs to stop drinking the bright pink kool-aid of delusion. For nondenominational sake you...more
Annalynn
How much did I hate this book? Let me count the ways...

1. The masturbation chapter that opens the book. An ENTIRE chapter, about EIGHT year old Chelsea and friends masturbating at slumber parties. Really?? I have an eight year old. And I was an eight year old once. Maybe in junior high, but SECOND GRADERS?? I don't think so. And it just went on and on and on. I kept reading, though, because I thought to myself, can it really be this bad? Surely this is all a joke? And yet, the rest of the book...more
Stephen
This is one of those books that you read and you say to yourself, "Holy shit, I REALLY could write a book better than this shitty thing!" So thank you, Chelsea Lately, for motivating all writing enthusiasts out there, whether intentional or not.

This was quite a drop in quality after Are You There, Vodka? Chelsea Lately's new book starts out, well, weird, with a 30-page discussion of an eight-year-old Chelsea Lately's first year of masturbatory discovery. Yeah, there is an ick-factor. If you want...more
Debs
This book was terrible. I love love love Chelsea Handler - I think her dry, quick wit is unmatched. I also enjoy watching her attack her panel of comedians, and the way she engages people she's never met and shoots the shit with guests that she obviously knows and adores.

That being said: this book has none of the wit or charm that makes me tune into her show This is a slapped together piece of shit where she simply tells stories about her vacations and her family without grace or humor. It lack...more
-k The Lady Critic
I don’t think that I’ve laughed so much during a book than I did with this one. Seriously, I thought that I would wake up the neighbourhood at three in the morning while I was still reading this book last night because I could not put it down.

It’s a series of essays/stories that, to be honest, I have no idea if they’re complete lies, slightly untold truths, or blatant elaborations but I also don’t care. This book was hilarious, witty, and downright fun. Sure, I could have easily stopped at the e...more
Sarah
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is the third memoir by the ever-entertaining comedian Chelsea Handler. If you can't handle nasty or raunchy, then this book isn't for you -- but if you loved Sarah Silverman's The Bedwetter and all of Jenny McCarthy's memoirs, then make sure to pick this one up.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is comprised of stories about random, crazy adventures and incidents from Handler's past. This specific memoir also includes pictures to go along with the stories, which is an excellent...more
Miss Kim
Read the first few pages...

The second page is her at 8 years old learning to masturbate at a slumber party...alrighty then!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2 weeks, and a few pages later:

The more I read, the more I realize I don't like her. Small doses are better. Offically demoted to bathroom reading...
Becky
3.5 stars
This collection of essays was a quick read for me. Some had me laughing hysterically, and others were more "The joke? Dungeddit..." types, but overall, a pretty enjoyable read.

I mean, the book starts off with Chelsea's recollection of learning how to masturbate at 8 and quickly becoming addicted to it and then called out at Thanksgiving dinner for getting her fix with a serving spoon, and then ends on a high note of corrupting her sense of humor-lacking boyfriend into playing along wit...more
Emily
I write this review having enjoyed her other books, that were, you know, funny and outrageous stories, so my issue isn't really her subject matter. That said: this is a rambling bunch of foul-mouthed musings, none of which add up to single comprehensible story or even funny anecdote with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Each chapter is basically:

1) Intro the story with a horrifying metaphor, set up what could has potential for a funny story
2) Jam in a sidebar of something totally unrelated th...more
Kate
My sister left me a copy of Chelsea Handler's new novel Chelsea, Chelsea Bang Bang. If I find myself having insomnia and up late, I tune in to her late night talk show on E! She is raunchy and snarky. I first started watching her on the web series, "In The Motherhood". She was so funny in the role as a mother. Her character was a a hapless mother who would rather be having a cocktail than making sure her kids were doing homework. She was also on Girls Behaving Badly for a while, but I only saw a...more
Amanda Patterson
I read "Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea" and enjoyed it. However, “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” made me cringe. When you resort to stupid situations for laughs you need a new gig.
The first chapter about an 8-year-old Chelsea obsessively masturbating was pathetic. The emails between the writer and her siblings weren't entertaining, just plain boring. Her practical jokes as she grow up wear thin very quickly and I found myself wondering why I was reading this drivel. Then I realised it doesn'...more
Kyla
I actually really enjoyed the 3rd book, maybe even more than the other 2. I liked that a lot of the stories involved Ted and the practical jokes he has to live through. I also LOVED that there were pictures involved throughout the book...it made the story lines much more believable and gave a great visual to go with her short stories. Because I watch her show nightly, I can see the stories play out much more clearly than I would be able to if I was just a reader w/ no knowledge of her sense of h...more
Abbey Garnett
1. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is a collection of short essays that Chelsea has written about her childhood to her adulthood. Readers learn all about Handler, from her strange family to her mistakes with men. These life stories are so funny to read coming from the comedian Chelsea Handler.

2. I gave this book four stars. I thought most of the stories were hilarious, but I did enjoy Are You There Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea more than this book. I thought it was a great read to come home to after a stres...more
Grace
I am a fan of Chelsea Handler's late night talks how on E! and an avid recommender of her two previous books about the craziness that is her life. However, Handler's third effort, "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" falls short, especially in compared to the laugh out loud until you cried stories of her previous two books.

I don't know if the lack of hilarity is due to a rush on the author's part to get the book to print or if she is slacking because she knows she has a solid fan base. I certainly hope...more
R.
Apr 07, 2010 R. marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
More foulmouthed hijinks by America's favorite White Trash Jewish American Princess!

Though, a fault thus far noticed: Chelsea's essay on her campaign for getting the Cabbage Patch Kid which will set her apart on the playground ends with a photograph of Young Miss Handler holding aforementioned Cabbage Patch Doll -a sort of trophy shot.

But, throughout the essay, she describes the Doll of her Dreams as being brunette. The one in the photograph is blonde. Which is it, Chelsea? Which. Is. It?

Also...more
Shannon
Edit: I don't think I can finish this. It's really boring and not funny. I heard Chelsea mention once on her show that she doesn't use ghost writers. Maybe she should start. They might suck less than her. (In her defense the other book that I read by her was funny... but this one, not so much). Also I took this off "lulz" shelfing as it provided no lulz.


So far so lame. BORED. There was some kind of story about a dog dying.. or not dying.. but people were pretending it died.. I don't know, I cou...more
Kelsey
Supposedly this is a memoir of Chelsea's hilarious life adventures, but I had the impression that the stories are so grossly exaggerated that she would have done better to write fiction. A self-avowed compulsive liar doesn't have the same effect on me that a more believable comic might. There is no point to the caricatures or the overstatements, no theme, no real motive for a book at all. I'm well aware that comics make up/embellish stories to lead up to their jokes, but usually there is some ov...more
Meagan
I am a huge Chelsea Handler fan. I've read her other two books and this is definitely not her best. Her other two books seemed filled with hilarious stories that made me not want to put the book down, whereas this book had some moments/chapters where I just wanted to keep reading to get through that boring section of the book.

Don't get me wrong I for sure had many laugh out loud moments, and was entertained by her shenanigans and stories but it seems very thrown together as a book in general. T...more
Chelsey
Regardless of her shameless approach to, well, everything, I really do like Chelsea Handler. Not only is she absolutely hilarious in all of her books and on her cable show Chelsea Lately, but she is completely comfortable being who she is, loud and proud. I picked up her first book, My Horizontal Life (which still remains my favourite) four years ago without knowing anything about her. Three books later, I could probably give you her biography off the top of my head!

Like her other collections, C...more
Nicole
Chelsea Handler, where have you been all my life?! In reality, we could never be friends because we both like to be the center of attention too much but I enjoy reading your books and knowing that I am not the only one who tells innocent lies to my friends to see if they will believe me, gets myself into amazingly embarrassing situations, and always embellishes an outrageous story just a little to make it more fun to tell.

While Ms. Handler's first books focused on one night stands and excessive...more
PhobicPrerogative
Starting with the gross cover of lifting up her skirt to a DOG, this book was crass and lame.
Chelsea Handler was trying too damn hard.

The first chapter was....crude, stupid, awkward and nauseating. I tried to find the humour in an 8-year-old girl who discovered her vagina and her masturbating adventures but all I thought was how stupid and unfunny it was. The second chapter didn't get a giggle out of me, either, and I saw no point in trying to read any more.

I also found it strange that an 8-ye...more
Kasia S.
For those who watch Chelsea's show some of these stories won't be new because she shares her life with the audience a tiny bit, they are still however funny, especially when narrated by Chelsea's semi sarcastic way of expressing herself which I find refreshing because I don't need to see another phony chick on TV and she's the opposite of that.

Chelsea is such a funny girl, I never knew what was going to happen in each chapter, and in this book her life is displayed through random chapters but fo...more
Michelle Williams
CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is a book that was loaned to me by a coworker. Having just finished my last book, I had yet to pick up a new one. So I started reading. It is not a book I would typically pick out for myself but it was really entertaining!

From the get go, I felt incredibly wrong for reading it. So much so that after reading the first three pages and feeling like a pedofile for continuing to read, I almost returned it. I then wondered about the direction the book could possibly take and...more
Bilgewater
Chelsea is great, but this book is "a hot mess".

The first two or three chapters are fun, but then Chelsea runs out of steam or something and just falls on her face.

The book dies for me in the middle somewhere, when Chelsea tells a rather sleazy story about trying to get her chauffeur some action on vacation, and it turns into a drunken spectacle with some insane woman calling Chelsea a bitch and pushing her around a little.

That chapter is clearly missing details, either because they're too st...more
Sheela
I have to say I was a little disappointed with this third Chelsea Handler installment, which read as more of an afterthought to her other successful books. Her first two books (about the struggle to become famous) were absolutely laugh-out-loud funny, but this book chronicling her fancy life was mediocre. I do appreciate the fact that her stories resemble her real-life (more or less) unlike her previous books which read like her stand-up comedy routines. Also, the whole "I work for a mid-level c...more
Kara
I understand that on some levels, giving Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang a 4 star would be considered disgraceful to some. To others, those who don't care to analyze what they read and take every little word so literally, are probably more on my level with the books I chose to read. I read for fun. To take my mind off my daily happenings. I don't care to read a novel that I can't understand, just to say, "yes! War of the Worlds is a wonderful literary masterpiece. I've read it 6 time!!" NO!!! I've nev...more
Jenny
Parts of this book made me laugh out loud (usually the parts that involved Ted and his cluelessness) but parts of it made me wonder how cruel Chelsea Handler is. She mercilessly makes fun of her father, sister and boyfriend and I couldn't pick up any sense of love that was beneath the joking. Is this exaggerated for her books or does she really feel this way towards them - especially her father? I read that she and Ted are no longer dating. It would be hard to date someone knowing that your stor...more
Kc Chapa
I flew through this book because it was such an easy read. This can't all be true; who talks like she did when they are 8,9 or 10? It was kind of funny but I flew through this book because I just wanted to get it over with and read my next book about Chicago!
Michael
I just read some of the reviews of this book before writing this one. It seems the ones who dislike the book actually dislike Chelsea. It's hard to tell, since the book contains humorous essays about her life.

Everything that comes out of her mouth is not intended to be serious, most of the time, and if she is serious, it's still funny.

The first essay about her friend throwing a party when she was in the 3rd grade, to show everyone how to "get the feeling," is the best in the entire book. It fa...more
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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, “Chelsea Lately,” airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m. Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, “Chelsea Lately” offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths and rumors that...more
More about Chelsea Handler...
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me Uganda Be Kidding Me Life As I Blow It: Tales Of Love, Life & Sex . . . Not Necessarily In That Order

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“My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.” 98 likes
“Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.” 56 likes
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