This Is Not The Story You Think It Is...: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson

Aug 01, 2010 Molly rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: NO ONE

Recommended to Molly by: Alison & Corrina-bookclub

Shelves: bookclub, read-nonfiction, regional

Warning: Rant ahead.
This woman is INSUFFERABLE. I didn't want to read this book and almost quit about 50 pages in because it's such an irritating waste of time, but I've only not finished a bookclub book one time in over 4 years. I can't believe I made it through 350 pages of her poor-little-rich-girl whining. She is shallow and a new-age poser. She wants to be Eat, Pray, Love and doesn't come close. She makes me wish we had a residency test for anyone who wants to move here. She is NOT a real...more Warning: Rant ahead.
This woman is INSUFFERABLE. I didn't want to read this book and almost quit about 50 pages in because it's such an irritating waste of time, but I've only not finished a bookclub book one time in over 4 years. I can't believe I made it through 350 pages of her poor-little-rich-girl whining. She is shallow and a new-age poser. She wants to be Eat, Pray, Love and doesn't come close. She makes me wish we had a residency test for anyone who wants to move here. She is NOT a real Montanan. Real Montanans don't write crap sentences about the spirits of Indians who used to live in the woods still roaming there. And I got REALLY tired of her talking about living "in the middle of nowhere Montana" and "bumble-fuck Montana" and "this small Montana town." Whitefish is not THAT small, and it's out-of-state, privileged posers like her who made it into the resort town it's become, even though she claims otherwise. (diatribe pause: at the sushi restaurant there, I had one of the best desserts I've ever eaten. Ever.) She and her husband can lament all they want about her not being published, but since she publishes short work and makes money freelancing, she IS in fact A PUBLISHED WRITER. Most irritating of all: her self-indulgent, self-righteous "author's statement," "I write to shine a light on an otherwise dim or even pitch-black corner, to provide relief for myself and others." She is definitely not the kind of person who's going to help me, and nothing in all these pages gave me anything to use in my own marriage. Other elements that annoyed me to no end: quoting all kinds of deep literary or spiritual works - good writers and genuinely in-touch people don't need to do that crap (their writing and wisdom don't need the crutches of quotation marks), going into too much detail about her childhood, and constantly going back to being 20 and her courtship years. Gag me. Move the hell on for Christ's sake. Worst of all, something I cannot forgive, is what her initial and primary reaction was to her husband saying that he didn't know if he still loved her and that he couldn't live with her baggage anymore (I can't live with her baggage being self-created). Because she starts out with those tidbits but then a few (awful, finger-nails-on-chalkboard) chapters in she reveals more of what he said as he left: "...that after more than half our lives together, he needs to be alone before he puts a bullet in his head." So what does she do? Dwells on love and not suffering and unattachment and SHE GOES TO HER OFFICE AND WRITES. Her husbands talks about suicide and she goes to her computer? That could have been a disastrous response. Oh, and the other terrible thing: at one point she writes that she'd rather have the pain of mourning him dead than mourning their divorce. WTF? I love my husband and would choose divorce/cheating/etc. over him being dead. It's great that she kept her head and didn't react in the expected way to her husband wanting out, but her book sucks and I don't like her. She's the kind of person that, if I had to sit near her in a restaurant and overhear her whiny, self-absorbed conversation, I'd want to bang my head on the table. MY husband and I would enjoy rolling our eyes at each other across the table.
I can't believe I had to pay for this waste of natural resources.(less)

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Jan 11, 2010 eb rated it 1 of 5 stars

A drunken gerbil could write a better and more closely-reasoned memoir than this.

Hardly any of the sentences or paragraphs make sense.

"It feels like the country fair has come to the town of my mind--complete with sketchy rides, carnies, and sugar-amped kids crying over lost balloons. So loud and disorienting. I want it to pack up and move on to the next town. I want my mind to be an open grassy field again with crickets and dandelions. Besides, my husband isn't there to ring the bell with the...more

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Feb 27, 2012 Stacey rated it 4 of 5 stars

How would you react if your husband suddenly told you he didn't love you anymore (maybe never did) and wanted to leave you? I doubt there are many of us that could step back, take a deep breath, and not take it personally. This is exactly how Munson chose to react (CHOSE being the operative word) and I was impressed with her objective, mature approach. Her plan was to give her husband some space and time, no "guilting" him into staying, no screaming or blaming. She decided to take responsibility...more

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Sep 07, 2010 Harkinna rated it 4 of 5 stars

Wow. What a fun memoir. I loved it. Loved every word. I found this book at our bookstore, and it does not really come out until April. The book is the memoir by Laura Munson, who happens to live in Whitefish, Montana! Can you believe that? I think she is about 8 years older than all of my friends, but she moved to Montana the same year my family did.

The book was also summarized in a New York Times column last August.

In summary, her husband asked her for a divorce, and told her he did not love he...more
Wow. What a fun memoir. I loved it. Loved every word. I found this book at our bookstore, and it does not really come out until April. The book is the memoir by Laura Munson, who happens to live in Whitefish, Montana! Can you believe that? I think she is about 8 years older than all of my friends, but she moved to Montana the same year my family did.

The book was also summarized in a New York Times column last August.

In summary, her husband asked her for a divorce, and told her he did not love her anymore…and she responded by telling him she just did not buy it. HA. The article gives away the ending of the story, but that does not mean you should not read the book. I would say the book is kind of like (sorry Elizabeth Gilbert; I think you are wonderful) a less whiny Eat, Pray, Love.

I love how she talks to the reader. I do that to.

Her main point of the book, though, is not about her divorce, but about how she went about letting everything else go, and only seeking to find happiness insider herself. She was the only one who could make herself happy.

When I started working at POGO, Keith told me a story about working at the Gray Panthers. A lot of elderly people would call the Gray Panthers everyday looking for help with problems. Instead of just telling them they called the wrong place, Keith typed up a list of phone numbers for the commonly asked questions. His boss heard him giving out this information and told him to just hang up on the people. Keith told him, he couldn’t.

“You can pick up the phone, or you can put down the phone. You are in control of the phone.”

This phone story is a metaphor for a lot of things I think about in my life. I am in control of the phone. I think Laura feels the same way about happiness: she is in control of her happiness.

She also tells the reader how to grill the perfect burger: don’t turn it over until the juices in the burger are bubbling.

There were lots of places in this book when I wanted to call Laura up and just hang out. She could be in my friend group no problem.

This is her first published book. She has written 14. Can you even imagine? So go out there and get this one! (less)

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Jun 04, 2012 Angela Risner rated it 5 of 5 stars

First of all, you should all read this book. Everyone in the world should read this book.

Why? Because it's about relationships. It's about communication. It's about finding your own bliss - not tying all of your happiness up into another person. You must find happiness in yourself.

I started this book and was three pages into it when I realized that a friend of mine who is going through a rough spot in her marriage needed to read it. I told her to go right to the store and get it. She did and it...more

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Apr 29, 2012 Christine rated it 3 of 5 stars

I saw this book on a number of blogs and the article Munson wrote in the New York Times. The premise of the book is that her husband told her one day that he no longer loved her and he was going to leave the family. She responded by asking him to try anything other than separation to cure his mental and emotional ills. She also took care to feed her own spirit during the difficult time. The book follows the journey of the couple and Munson's internal path for a few months.

I enjoyed her authentic...more

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Mar 27, 2012 Mary Novaria rated it 5 of 5 stars

When the going got tough... Laura Munson decided not to play the victim. Instead, she was determined NOT to suffer, even when her husband--and the father of her two children--told her he wasn't sure he still loved her. Her response was something akin to "keep calm, carry on," partly because she simply didn't buy it. He was in the midst of financial losses and business woes and she was a convenient target for his angst. Some may have accused Ms. Munson of being in denial; instead, it seems she kn...more When the going got tough... Laura Munson decided not to play the victim. Instead, she was determined NOT to suffer, even when her husband--and the father of her two children--told her he wasn't sure he still loved her. Her response was something akin to "keep calm, carry on," partly because she simply didn't buy it. He was in the midst of financial losses and business woes and she was a convenient target for his angst. Some may have accused Ms. Munson of being in denial; instead, it seems she knew her husband well enough, and loved him fiercely enough, to ask him this question: "What can we do to give you the distance you need without damaging the family?"

Ms. Munson's graceful resolve not to suffer, theoretically, can be applied to ANY situation, not just to a marital crisis. She vowed not to become a ranting and raving shrew--even on nights where her husband slept at the office without calling home. Even when he went off fishing with buddies for days at a time. Even when he sat sullen and speechless at the dinner table. Even when he disappointed their kids on the Fourth of July.

It's not that she wasn't in pain. She was. But she wasn't going to let that pain define her and she wasn't going to be a doormat. Ms. Munson had recently recovered from a lengthy grieving process following her father's death. She didn't want to return to those depths. Sure, she had sleepless nights, angry conversations in her head, and plenty of doubts. Instead of indulging them, she took care of herself, enjoying time with her children, cooking and canning, leaning on female friends for strength, riding her horse, and taking solace in writing--her life's calling.

Reading this book is like getting generous advice from a therapist or an older, wiser woman. Ms. Munson has an easy, conversational style. She tackles serious issues head on, but she also knows when to lighten up. Besides the so-called "self help" aspect of this book, this memoir spins a compelling true tale of a life challenge met with aplomb. It reads like a long, heartfelt letter from a friend.
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Mar 09, 2012 Deb rated it 5 of 5 stars

*Choosing happiness over suffering*

In the beginning of this memoir, Laura shares her Author's Statement of: "I write to shine a light on an otherwise dim or even pitchblack corner, to provide relief for myself and others."

And, this Reader's Reaction to that Author's Statement is: "Your light shines on. And on. And on."

A poignant, real-time, down-to-earth, and unforgettable journey, _This Is Not The Story You Think It Is_ gives us all something to think about. Specifically, how we can take respon...more

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Aug 31, 2011 Carlie rated it 3 of 5 stars

I liked this book. I think I wanted to like it slightly more than I did after I heard about the premise on NPR. Then, when I started the book the author kind of annoyed me. Her trust-fund baby background pushed all my prejudice buttons and set up a nice little tone of resentment that hung between the story and myself and threatened to undo all the possibility for mutuality and connection that is the very heart of enjoying a memoir.

Yeah, and then I got over it. Laura is a little bit spoiled. She...more I liked this book. I think I wanted to like it slightly more than I did after I heard about the premise on NPR. Then, when I started the book the author kind of annoyed me. Her trust-fund baby background pushed all my prejudice buttons and set up a nice little tone of resentment that hung between the story and myself and threatened to undo all the possibility for mutuality and connection that is the very heart of enjoying a memoir.

Yeah, and then I got over it. Laura is a little bit spoiled. She had a life that is a little bit too charmed. But she knows it, and she feels a little guilty about it even privileged people, it turns out, can have brilliant experiences that can move others to compassion and inspiration. Her marriage isn't my ideal dream, she isn't who I want to become, she isn't even who I am or have been...but she's got something really grasp-it-between-your-fingers RIGHT and that rightness she discovered is the real inspiration.

I found her writing style sometimes annoying, sometimes pleasant and never breathtaking. I thought her story was sometimes eye-rolling and sometimes relate-able and I thought over all that the resolution was only somewhat convincing. Will they make it? Is four months enough to be able to say that they had "resolved" this marital crisis? I don't know. But I do know that the position of compassion instead of accusation, holding to yourself and solving your own problems instead of jumping to destroy the other person in a conflict is good and healthy and right...however very, very difficult and super un-American it may be.

After I read Munson's book I checked out some of the philosophers who influenced her and some of the writings she says are her bedrock go-to texts and frankly, I found them pretty much inaccessible to me. I don't "get" most of philosophy but I do get Munson's story, the beautiful aroma her book gives off because she steeped herself in the great thinkers and as a wife I hope to carry her kind of respect and compassion both for myself and my husband into my own married life. I hope it's catching.(less)

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Feb 14, 2011 Pamela rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011-book-challenge, non-fiction

I really liked this memoir. It is the story of a summer where Laura Munson's husband comes home one day and tells her he doesn't love her anymore. She tells him she just doesn't buy it. I had read a review of the book where the writer said that Laura let her husband have a summer off and she was stuck taking care of all the responsibilities and that let him off the hook. I saw it just the opposite when I read this book. She was in control of herself the entire time and she realized that nothing...more

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Dec 16, 2010 Rhonda rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2010

Shortly after author Laura makes a decision 'not to suffer' anymore in her life, her husband tells he that he doesn't love her and he's not sure he ever did. This is about her struggle with the days/months following that revelation, and her constant commitment not to let her happiness depend on things that happen 'beyond her control'.

I loved this. Written from the heart.

Favorite Quotes:

"Do you know the value of someone who has so much faith in you that you don't even have to deliver? I hope so....more

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Nov 04, 2010 Gaby rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: chicklit, nonfiction

This Is Not The Story You Think It Is. . . A Season of Unlikely Happiness is the true account of a woman who married her college sweetheart and their “happily ever after.” They were young, beautiful, successful -- they grew careers and built their lives together. They moved to Montana and lived surrounded by the mountains and grounded by nature. Then suddenly, things fell apart.

Laura’s husband of fourteen years suddenly announced that he needed to be alone, that he couldn’t say that he loved he...more

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Oct 29, 2010 Marcia rated it 2 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. While waiting in the dentist office, I read about this book in a magazine. I really didn't even know what it was about. What intrigued me was the fact the author had been trying to be a writer for years. She had submitted numerous books but this is the first one that was accepted for publication. Of course, she had gotten "wonderful rejection letters". The idea of the article was to not give up hope and keep with your dreams. I was curious what the book she finally got published was about. I had...more While waiting in the dentist office, I read about this book in a magazine. I really didn't even know what it was about. What intrigued me was the fact the author had been trying to be a writer for years. She had submitted numerous books but this is the first one that was accepted for publication. Of course, she had gotten "wonderful rejection letters". The idea of the article was to not give up hope and keep with your dreams. I was curious what the book she finally got published was about. I had to wait several weeks for this book to come in at the library.
Now, comes what I thought of the book. It is a true accounting of a time when her husband comes to her and says he doesn't love her anymore, they are in great financial trouble, his business is going bust, he doesn't want to be married any more, etc. She decides she still loves him and she doesn't believe him so she is going to take the high road and believe he still loves her and their marriage is going to survive. Ok, all and good. She writes the book chapter by chapter as the drama plays out.
Basically, she let's him do anything and she doesn't get mad or react. He is allowed to come and go as he pleases. He can talk to her in a demeaning way and be unreliable with the two children, a boy of 8 and a girl of 12. In one chapter, he comes home very late one night and sleeps on the couch. She makes a wonderful breakfast in the morning. The idea is, she will give him no ammunition for saying she is the problem. It really isn't about her but that he is going through a life crisis. She is going to wait it out. She does this with the help of her therapist who supports her decision. Of course, friends say "kick the bum out". And, throughout the book, I am with the friends.
She does says she had a very privileged life. She tries the make it not the issue ( the trip to Italy with her right before the whole problem started was paid for with frequent flyer miles, they stayed with a family she had been an exchange student with, etc.). But, for a family in dire economic straights, they show no signs of economizing. She doesn't seem to know her husband's business was going bust. She never even entertains the idea of working and adding to the family income. She encourages the husband to go to South America, take helicopter lessons, etc. to get him to feels he is doing something good for himself. All this seem like something a family truly in financial problems can't afford. In the end, she buys a big ticket item at his encouragement. It is confusing how they are dealing with being in the horrible debt they are supposedly in. She tries to not come off as a pampered, spoiled rich girl, but she does.
Of course, at the end, the marriage seems back on track. I think she is probably always worried about being some perfect wife so it doesn't happen again. Heavens knows what the kids took from it? Moms a pushover and men are allowed to act horribly? This would be my guess. I felt she was proud of how she handled the situation. I felt like slapping her.

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Sep 14, 2010 Katrina rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is sort of interesting. It reports the troubles and anxieties of a woman, the author in fact, who is going through a rough patch in her marriage. The author's strength, determination and patience are commendable and an example in themselves, and prove the maxim that a marriage can only last if at least one of the partners doesn't fall out of love.

I especially liked the fact that the author's marriage only seems to have become more stable once she realised that she needed to get hersel...more

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Aug 19, 2010 Anna Irvine rated it 1 of 5 stars

This book drove me mad! The only reason I finished it was I had paid $35 for it. After reading the synopsis in the local paper, I thought it sounded interesting. This line, as with many, really peeved me off...
"He's just a boy wanting someone to see that he caught a fish. First cast. A pretty decent-sized fish. There's something about watching a man take a hook out of the mouth of a fish he's going to release. It's sort of the way a woman wants to be touched - with gratitude and respect."
Clearl...more

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May 22, 2010 Kare Anderson added it

Like many other readers perhaps I first heard of Munson's situation when reading her guest piece in The New York Times Modern Love column. The overwhelming number of readers'responses to that "I-Don't-Love-You/I-Don't-Buy-It" column caused the paper to temporarily shut down the comments section for it.

One quickly becomes to care about Laura Munson as she struggles to use what she has been practicing - staying with her strengths and internal equilibrium rather than turning angry or sunken victim...more

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Apr 22, 2011 Caroline rated it 4 of 5 stars

This started out slow for me...I wasn't interested...but you were right Jennifer...it was worth the read! I'm glad I didn't give up!

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Apr 04, 2010 Maren rated it 3 of 5 stars

Definitely worth a read, though with some caveats. Laura Munson is remarkably likable (unlike Elizabeth Gilbert to whom I'm sure she'll be compared repeatedly). It's easy to root for her and her advice is thoughtful, honest, and compassionate.

That being said, the book's writing is a little amateurish at times and can also meander; in trying to fix her marriage, Munson strives for a level of anonymity and privacy for her husband and children that is admirable but also leaves much of her narrativ...more Definitely worth a read, though with some caveats. Laura Munson is remarkably likable (unlike Elizabeth Gilbert to whom I'm sure she'll be compared repeatedly). It's easy to root for her and her advice is thoughtful, honest, and compassionate.

That being said, the book's writing is a little amateurish at times and can also meander; in trying to fix her marriage, Munson strives for a level of anonymity and privacy for her husband and children that is admirable but also leaves much of her narrative struggling to fill the gaps that this anonymity requires. That gaps gets filled with a family recipe, citizen activism and other things that weren't as compelling as her marriage-derived insights. What the book lacks is tightening - ellipses and italics weight the pages down at a certain point and some sections seem more clearly edited than others.

Still, the book is warm and interesting and sure to spark conversation. It just could have been even better. I do admit to wondering if her wisdom isn't a little bit dangerous for women in relationships like hers; women who are really good at being infinitely patient, infinitely compassionate for men who are ultimately selfish children. The moment when she questions if she could ever love her husband again - despite knowing how hard she's fighting for him - when she has seen how little of her equal he is was one that she never answered and which lingered for me after reading it. Sure, she has the ability to love deeply and truly but will he ever? There are implications throughout the book that he has needed her helping hand before and most likely will again. I just worry that her wisdom will be dangerous for people who will keep telling themselves they should love their partner despite their abundant weaknesses and through any kind of direct emotional abuse because it makes them somehow in control of their destinies.

So, it's a fine line. I liked the book but I'm wary of some of the things it espouses. Take with a grain of salt. (less)

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Apr 21, 2012 Jenn LeBow rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 3-book-3rd-thursdays

Welcome to Three-Book Third Thursdays! This month, the three books under discussion are Lift, by Kelly Corrigan; Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, by Stacy Morrison; and This Is Not the Story You Think It Is… A Season of Unlikely Happiness, by Laura Munson. Please note that these are books I have read on my own; I was not given review copies of these books.

Lift is a letter by Corrigan to her two young daughters, in which she describes her perspective...more Welcome to Three-Book Third Thursdays! This month, the three books under discussion are Lift, by Kelly Corrigan; Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, by Stacy Morrison; and This Is Not the Story You Think It Is… A Season of Unlikely Happiness, by Laura Munson. Please note that these are books I have read on my own; I was not given review copies of these books.

Lift is a letter by Corrigan to her two young daughters, in which she describes her perspective on their family life as it is now, while the girls are young. Corrigan is an author and cancer survivor; she is married to Edward.

Falling Apart recounts Morrison’s experience of her husband’s decision to leave their marriage of nearly ten years, and her efforts to maintain a happy home for their infant son, begin a new job as editor-in-chief of Redbook magazine, and repair and sell their Brooklyn home. Oh, and hold on to all the personal growth she’d attained in the years with her husband.

This Is Not the Story turns out to actually be the story of a breach in Laura Munson’s marriage, and how she got out of her husband’s, and her own, way to happiness.

So. We have parenting, we have marriage and divorce, we have reconciliation. We have family.

Corrigan’s love letter to her daughters isn’t all rosy. She recounts her friends’ bouts of infertility, and compares that heartbreak to her own with cancer. She remembers her daughter’s hospitalization and her fear, summing it up by saying that the hospital stay “marked the beginning of how I came to know what a bold and dangerous thing parenthood is. Risk was not an event we’d survived but the place where we now lived.” The death of Corrigan’s teenage nephew and its effect on her parenting is a vivid reminder that tragedy visits us in ways that leave us changed forever. But Lift is at its heart, a gift to her daughters – a wish and a dare and a hope that in all life’s turbulence, they’ll find “lift” and fly.

Morrison’s situation is vastly different from Corrigan’s. Her story opens with her husband’s announcement that he’s done. ” ‘I’m done with this,’ he said, gesturing with his hand to encompass our living room, our kitchen, our home, our son, our future, our dreams, every single memory we’d ever made together in our thirteen years together as a couple, and me, suddenly meaningless me.” This catches Morrison off-guard, as they are new homeowners and have a five-month-old baby. In her account of their relationship, Morrison attributes significant personal growth to her husband’s influence. Reacting to his announcement, she does her best to change his mind and cling to her marriage.

With the eventual realization that she cannot sidestep divorce, Morrison finds that she has multiple role models for what not to do, and steps tentatively onto a road less traveled. She decides to proceed with her optimism intact and to cherish memories and lessons gained during her years with her husband. In short, she refused to treat her husband vengefully, to take shortcuts through the pain and difficulties ahead, or to allow bitterness to take root. In defying those odds, she learns to view her grief as a river’s flow rather than a mountain she can conquer. She starts to put aside illusions of safety and embrace the uncertainty that life brings. “I was safe because I’d had the opportunity to lift my proverbial hood and take a long look deep within. And I had discovered that I really liked what – and who – I saw in there.”

That brings us to Laura Munson, whose title This Is Not The Story You Think It Is… could aptly have graced Morrison’s work as well. Many people read Munson’s New York Times essay summing up the crisis in her marriage, and her book tells their story with compassion, grace, and a remarkable objectivity.

When Munson’s husband announces that he wants out, Munson ducks the blow and tells him she doesn’t believe him, then carries on creating family life with or without his participation. For most of the summer, it’s without. She focuses on their children, their garden, her love of horses, and on continuing family activities. She keeps her husband informed, offering him choices without reprisal when he absents himself. Munson doesn’t set herself up as a saint, simply as a woman who’s discovering ownership of her happiness and becoming willing to accord her husband room to find his own. Cherished myths about herself and their marriage need a fresh look or even a demolition, but throughout, Munson vows to thrive, to nurture her family, and to honor her husband as a person and partner.

Every family weathers its share of storms. Maybe, like me, you’re thinking right now of one in your tribe. Some are avoidable, in theory, caused by a loved one’s harsh word or thoughtless action. Some are visited upon us by others – a careless driver crosses our path, a business partner embezzles. Natural disasters wash away our trust in the stability of structures, both physical and relational.

The magic of Corrigan’s, Morrison’s, and Munson’s stories is this: they face the storms and come out thankful for rebuilding and for the version of family they call their own. In their stories, all’s well whether or not it ends well.(less)

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Jul 31, 2010 Nadine rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Memoir of a time in the author's life when her husband said "I'm not sure if I love you" and walked out the door.

I had a lot of hope when I started reading this, but I quickly started skimming, because she repeats herself, and she strikes me as rather smug. I'll skim a few more chapters to see if it gets better, but I don't expect much.

*

I'm still skimming, I've skimmed myself to about 75% of the way done. The author remains quite smug. So disappointing.

A big part of my problem here is the autho...more

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Jul 05, 2010 Kevin rated it 4 of 5 stars

I downloaded the sample of this book to my Kindle and decided the author was too whiny and too WASP-y for me to buy it. The first few pages MUST have nagged in the back of my brain, though, as I finally journeyed to the library to pick up this book.

Turns out, once I got over the fact that she was, indeed, whiny and WASP-y, that I really did get caught up in her journey of being the creator of her own happiness. The story definitely has some strikingly awkward writing [she is a fan of flashbacks...more

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Sep 06, 2012 Mollie Glick rated it 4 of 5 stars

So I picked this one up randomly while browsing in a local bookstore and was immediately drawn in by the voice, then noticed it was an Amy Einhorn book, which was enough to push me over the edge to buy it even though I hadn't heard of it. The author is a bit maddening-- a poor little rich girl, in spite of her protests that she doesn't want it to be a poor little rich girl story-- but endearing as well. I tore through this and by the end I was most certainly rooting for her. It's a story about t...more

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Mar 04, 2012 Christie rated it 4 of 5 stars

When Laura Munson’s husband of 15 years (together for 20) tells her he doesn’t think he loves her anymore, that he doesn’t know whether he ever did, Munson’s reaction is unusual. She tells him she doesn’t buy it. Say what? Having been in a similar position myself, I applaud her position. And it is a position, one that she defends over the course of one long, hot Montana summer. She loves her husband, David. They have built a life together away from their priviledged backgrounds. They have childr...more When Laura Munson’s husband of 15 years (together for 20) tells her he doesn’t think he loves her anymore, that he doesn’t know whether he ever did, Munson’s reaction is unusual. She tells him she doesn’t buy it. Say what? Having been in a similar position myself, I applaud her position. And it is a position, one that she defends over the course of one long, hot Montana summer. She loves her husband, David. They have built a life together away from their priviledged backgrounds. They have children together. Their finances are a tangled marital web. But what Munson sees are all the positives and decides to take her happiness into her own hands and hopefully rechart her marital course.

I wonder if This Is Not The Story You Think It Is might have helped me in those early days after my husband left me? If I had adopted Munson’s ‘honey, you need to find your own truth and happiness, but do not make me the fall guy’ stance, would it have made any difference? I sincerely doubt it. I certainly see the similarities between my life and Munson’s. Like her husband, mine was/is clearly trying to relive the glory days (my God, mid-life crises are predictable!). Unlike Munson, though, I didn’t have a plan; I had fetal position grief, disbelief, anger. In fact, I was the poster child for the five stages of grief. Thankfully, I have amazing kids and thus a reason to at least attempt business-as-usual. And I have supportive friends and family. And, thankfully, the worst of the grief has passed.

Munson’s tact was proactive rather than reactive – amazing considering she didn’t see her husband’s confession coming. Somehow she found the quiet centre of her heart, the place where she was able to take a breath and consider her options. The few people she told offered their own sage advice – much of it reduced to “kick the asshole to the curb.” And she would have been within her rights, of course. Her husband was certainly acting like an ass: he went out and didn’t come home and he didn’t call, and when he did come home he was usually drunk and slept the day away, he broke promises to his kids. He went dirt biking and fishing and golfing with ‘the boys’. Except, Mr. Munson wasn’t a boy – he was a barely employed 40-something with a mortgage and two kids. Through it all, Munson bit her tongue because “the definitive truth I know for sure is this: my husband is in crisis, whether or not he is having an affair. Whether or not he loves me. And I love him.”

Wow.

In this day and age of replacing the broken stuff with newer, cheaper stuff, Munson’s attitude is laudable. She’d invested a lifetime in her marriage. She and her husband had built a life together, had children together, wanted the same things for their futures. Munson wasn’t just going to walk away without a fight. Except, even more admirably, she wasn’t fighting. Instead, Munson says this:

I’m not going to try to justify his behavior, because I know it’s not justifiable. I simply want to understand instead of freak out. It’s not behavior I’m willing to put up with for too long. Whatever “too long” will come to mean. But in the meantime, am I to react to the part of society that wants us to lie about our marriages being somehow perfect? Until they’re not. Black and white. One false move and you’re out.

…

But I’m opting for a different strategy, and I’m going to believe it will work in a way that fighting, persuading, and demanding never have. Because whether or not he comes back to me, I will be ultimately empowered by my committment not to suffer. It’s a way of life. A way to life.

This Is Not the Story You Think It Is Is remarkable in its honesty, its humour and its hope. I wish my marriage had had a different ending; I wish it with all my heart. But I can’t change what has happened. I can, however, follow Munson’s advice and take responsibility for my own happiness. Like her, I choose not to suffer.

(less)

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Jan 16, 2011 Glenn rated it 5 of 5 stars

This was the best book I read in 2010. And having read it once, I want to read it again. This simple, unassuming debut is such an important book, as I told Munson when I wrote her via facebook. The handful of friends with whom I've shared Season Of Unlikely Happiness also love it.

Munson writes beautifully, utilizing an 'I' voice that inserts you deeply into her mind. Her portrayal of her darker side, which she treats as a character named Sheila, is both funny and painfully honest.

Above all, thou...more

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May 18, 2011 Ashley rated it 3 of 5 stars

I wanted to hate this book, I really did. A woman is told by her husband that he no longer loves her, and he would like to move out and eventually get a divorce. Instead of telling him he's being immature, instead of losing it over the next four months as he acts like a CHILD, she practices self love, restraint, and ultimately support towards her husband.

And I wanted to hate her for this, to call her weak and a push over for letting her husband treat her like garbage for four months always hopi...more

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Sep 12, 2010 Stacey rated it 4 of 5 stars

Sometimes you read a book or watch a movie that resonates with where you are in life. This book was that for me. I could relate to the author, Laura, and her husband, their individual struggles as well as their marriage struggles.

I too am questioning my purpose in life (like the husband) and how to find inner happiness based on my own self, not others (like Laura). It is hard as a wife and mother (and all the other roles we embody) to remain true to ourselves and base our happiness on our own fu...more

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Oct 14, 2011 Kirsti rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: anger, cake-eaters, hissy-fits, memoir, nervous-breakdowns, nonfiction

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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May 10, 2010 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars

I am not certain that I can do justice to this book. It had such a profound impact on my approach to life, to my marriage, that I am still processing what to do with this information. Ms. Munson presents her story in such a forthright manner, her pain and terror at what is occurring in her marriage is palable and at times very uncomfortable to read. I alternated between not wanting to put myself through the anguish but curiosity to see how her philosophy worked in the end. I forced myself to rea...more I am not certain that I can do justice to this book. It had such a profound impact on my approach to life, to my marriage, that I am still processing what to do with this information. Ms. Munson presents her story in such a forthright manner, her pain and terror at what is occurring in her marriage is palable and at times very uncomfortable to read. I alternated between not wanting to put myself through the anguish but curiosity to see how her philosophy worked in the end. I forced myself to read one page at a time, as it was meant to be read. After all, if she did not know how her experiment was going to end when she started it, how fair is it for the reader to jump ahead and read her conclusions? The journey Ms. Munson goes on during this one summer is the beauty of the story.

How can I describe This Is Not The Story You Think It Is? The frontpiece of the novel informs the reader that it is a memoir. Of that, there is no doubt. However, it is so much more than just a memoir. It is a change of life, a new philosophy that Ms. Munson uncovers one summer as she struggles to find happiness in a situation she never considered she would face. It is a self-help book in every essence of the word, as Ms. Munson shares with the reader her own effort to help herself find happiness and peace.

There are so many gems in this book; I found myself wanting to break out the highlighter to showcase sentence after sentence that resonated with me at a deep level.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." (pg. 61)

"It's when you stop wanting outside of your control, that you'll be happy." (pg. 4)

"Our happiness is not outside ourselves. It's all here. In us. It always was." (pg. 116)

For someone with low self-esteem, what life-changing words! Words are just words and can only upset us if we let them. We each generate our own happiness. If you take them to heart, can you imagine the peace, the relief you would feel? I can. Make no mistake, Ms. Munson fought this lesson. It was a battle that took her four months to win, and even then, it was a day-to-day victory. But the end result was worth the battle, and that is what counts.

This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness is an amazing story of patience, fortitude and love - love of life, love of self, love of family. Whether she believes it or not, Laura Munson is a wise woman, and we would do well to heed her words of wisdom. (less)

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Jan 12, 2013 Sarah Walsh rated it 1 of 5 stars

Upon seeing this book displayed on a library shelf, it wasn’t the image of the horse-shoe that lured me to it. ‘A Season of Unlikely Happiness’… hmm, that’s something I can relate to. Let’s hope it’s a miserable horse story written by *rolls eyes to heaven, a woman creature (eww). No doubt woe and short-comings will feature, perhaps she’s fallen off a horse, both her feet have had to be amputated. Her only option left is to sport horse shoes. The first miserable woman on earth wearing dainty hor...more Upon seeing this book displayed on a library shelf, it wasn’t the image of the horse-shoe that lured me to it. ‘A Season of Unlikely Happiness’… hmm, that’s something I can relate to. Let’s hope it’s a miserable horse story written by *rolls eyes to heaven, a woman creature (eww). No doubt woe and short-comings will feature, perhaps she’s fallen off a horse, both her feet have had to be amputated. Her only option left is to sport horse shoes. The first miserable woman on earth wearing dainty horse shoes. Cool!

Giving the knack of a book away for me is a definite no, no… ‘what if this book’s shit though’ more often than not sifts through my mind… the inconvenience of carrying it all the way home, only to open it and flop into a disappointed felchy horse turd and I’m not even at the end of the first paragraph.

So I opened the front cover with caution… an essay of Laura Munson’s had appeared in the NY Times, oh yes, any written words with a ‘NY’ in front of it must be of some worth. There’s mention of her column ‘Modern Love’… um, ok. My warped mind hactually responds well to romanticism. Let’s scan this little fecker (I learnt how to do that with no assistance) and walk it out of the library, home.

Laura, Laura…sigh. I imagine as a writer with work not published after penning many novels must be the worst feeling ever in the history of ever. This must chip away at one’s self-esteem. Showering in self-loathing and honey, brushing teeth with minty rejection and washing back that deep black coffee hole on a regular basis must be all part of the writing curse though. It is after all a vocation that the mighty ego has chosen. Crafting that art into something palatable and enjoyable for a mass audience is surely a tiring craft. For that, I commend your effort.

Argh… the book. Laura’s first published book… a memoir. In short (to relieve my pain)… Laura’s husband… I imagine a tall, dark, good-looking Christian ‘Head-Fucker’ ’50 Shades of Grey’-type encounters his come the fuck at me mid-life crisis. Turns out he’s not like knob-sword Christian Grey… thank goodness I hear the droves of intelligent women cry. Aged 42 and questioning what the actual fuck. He’s the proud owner of a career-winning job, gorgeous wife, two beautiful children and a house and land somewhere in the United State and America, big enough to make Cher cry mascara tear envy. Incredibly, the Ameri-ka-ka-ka dream for him is pretty ugly. Resentment is his friend ‘hello resentment’ and what better way to resolve this darkness… WIFE-HATE.

Husband doesn’t have another woman in toe. Had that been the case, I don’t think I would have continued. Why bother fueling my own woman misery and for what sake? She hasn’t punctured his head slightly with an ice pick yet.

Surprisingly and I think this is the only difference Laura has over other women who should probably deal to their husbands with an ice pick if you ask me, she calmly managed him as if he were a grown-up child. She let him bust out, reclaim some lost youth, break-free again and suggested he stay with his sister who was dying of cancer (I pulled my cynical head in at that stage, I’m not that heart-less).

Not many would tolerate his behaviour or maybe they would!?! What the actual hell would I know? I’m single, right. No man would want to make a honest woman of me complete with my ice pick collection. In all seriousness, I imagine too many a woman would internalise and ingest his bullshit and selfishness, point the blame inwards, take it upon themselves that they are the actual problem here and not Lord Lostpants. Laura states she handled it differently and cleverly, she managed to not buy in to his personal stress and avoided his tantrums. Her inner voice, Sheila… I think she called her (I would have preferred Beyonce) suffered. Of course you’d suffer. Can you imagine being told by your soul mate that they weren’t sure if they loved you anymore and then disappear for 40 hours (the 40 hour gamine famine) with not a word not even a text. I’d be beside myself, sharpening up that ice pick.

Pain is pain, Laura states. No matter what your background. Her background is Princessy. Disappointingly, there’s no mention of pigs heads for dinner. There is however a recipe. I skipped over that. Don’t put a feel-good recipe in a book when it’s creating angst in the pit of my stomach but if you do, make sure it’s ex-husband stew.

The points in her story are mantras, her therapist and of course the line “I’m not buying it”. Perhaps that was a quote from her dick-stew husband when he saw her first published book about his knobbery on the shelves. I lie, I’m sorry… the line she actually uses is “I don’t buy it”. His unhappiness is his unhappiness and let him find himself again for the sake of their 20 years of soul mateship. We all fall foul of misery and lose our places in the world. For the sake of love cheese, find yourself… is my interpretation of her message and I’m sure I’d carry out a similar approach if I loved someone too.

Laura, I apologise for not enjoying your memoir. I couldn’t relate to your style of writing more than anything else and that’s ok but hey ho, good news on getting a book published.

AND… I hope a giant bird shits on your husband’s head.(less)

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Oct 04, 2012 Casey rated it 5 of 5 stars

I love how this memoir takes you through the experience as it happens, instead of talking about what happened long ago. This woman went through a major crisis when her husband told her, seemingly out of nowhere, that he didn't love her anymore. She made hard choices and persevered and came through the ordeal a better, happier person. Laura Munson's writing is so honest that it's easy to get swept up in the suspense of what she's feeling. She wrote is as a kind of journal as it all happened, so t...more

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