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I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel
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I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel

3.23 of 5 stars 3.23  ·  rating details  ·  304 ratings  ·  65 reviews
IN THIS CAPTIVATING, OFTEN HILARIOUS DEBUT MYSTERY, ONE OF THE GREAT COMEDIANS OF OUR TIME BLENDS FACT WITH FICTION, AS LAW & ORDER: SVU'S RICHARD BELZER'S OFF-CAMERA PERSONA COMES TO LIFE ON THE PAGE, EMPLOYING INVESTIGATIVE KNOW-HOW AND COMEDIC TIMING IN EQUAL MEASURE TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY SURROUNDING THE DISAPPEARANCE OF A TRUSTED FRIEND.

When Richard Belzer meets R...more
ebook, 256 pages
Published October 14th 2008 by Simon & Schuster (first published October 10th 2008)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 548)
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Olga Godim
I loved this book. Written by Richard Belzer in collaboration with Michael Black, it is inseparable from Belzer’s persona. Although it is a novel, the protagonist is Belzer himself. A fictional account of a real person is not a new concept. There are novels aplenty about many historical figures, but Belzer’s opus is unique: he portrays himself as a fictional character – with irony and wit.
Just a reminder: Richard Belzer, a TV actor and stand-up comedian, is mostly known for his role of Detective...more
David
When I picked this book up at a yard sale, I thought it might be a fun biography of a terrific actor and comic. I missed two words on the cover: A Novel. After spending the first two chapters wondering why Richard Belzer was chasing the Russian Mafia, I noticed those two words. Okay, so I was wrong. I'll treat it as a novel and see what happens. I kept reading and wondering where the book was going. Before I knew it, I was finished and still was unsure why I had continued reading it all the way...more
Julia
Meh. The Richard Belzer character in this mystery is very like Richard Belzer, maybe, and looks like John Munch, except he solves his own mystery, mostly, ala Sam Spade or Marlowe.

Or at least that’s what he’s going for. I’d rather be rereading Dashiell Hammett or Raymond Chandler, and watching Richard Belzer do stand up. There’s a $3.99 tag in it, but did I pay even less, and from what store and when? I’ve owned this book for many years.
Paul Pessolano
If you are looking for a different type of detective story, you just may want to pick this one up.

If you watch TV, and I don't, you will know that Richard Belzer plays a detective by the name of John Munch, Munch has appeared on "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit", the "X-Files", "Arrested Development", and "Homicide". He must be pretty good because he spent seven seasons on "Homicide" and nine seasons on "Law and Order".

This book is unique in that Belzer writes about himself. Belzer is trying...more
Travis Mcclain
Entertainment concepts seem to evolve over the course of a decade, and as the reality experiment has begun to yield the floor it appears that a hybrid sub-genre of "reality fiction" is emerging. In film, we've had My Name Is Bruce and in literature, I Am Not a Cop! Richard Belzer has crafted a fictitious tale in which he, as himself, is caught up in a mystery involving a missing medical examiner friend who happens to be Russian. (Or is he Ukrainian?)

Fans of The Belz know from his stand-up routin...more
Jenn
I bought this book hoping to see Richard Belzer's comedic stage talent translate to text. The book was decently written but ultimately slow and nowhere near as humorous as I had been led to expect.

It is possible that someone older or someone with a more intimate understanding of American pop culture might have a greater appreciation for the humor in this book because the bulk of it consisted of references from way before my time. Belzer in real life is able to carry out jokes that appeal to all...more
Rhonda
When comic Richard Belzer's friend, New York City assistant medical examiner Rudy Markovich disappears without a trace, the comic actor becomes concerned especially when his pal fails to meet him at MSG for the heavyweight title fight as they planned. The more he learns of the vanishing, the more worried he becomes. Unable to remain idle, Richard decides to investigate even as he keeps reminding himself that "I AM NOT A COP"; only an actor who has seen many TV corpses in NYC and Baltimore..

He u...more
Ellen Dark
I liked the book. Actor Richard Belzer uses himself as the hero in his book about the Russian mob and the diamond trade. Belzer is friends with the New York City Medical Examiner, a Russian immigre. His friend suddenly announces his resignation and he won't give a reason for doing it. Shortly after arranging to meet Belzer at Madison Square Gardens to watch a boxing match, the medical examiner disappears. All they find is the man's car, some blood and half a ticket to the fight, near the East Ri...more
Nick Kelly
Richard Belzer has many accomplishments. He is a famous actor, comedian, producer, and author, and his portrayal of Detective John Munch has spanned six network TV shows. He’s a regular on the Howard Stern Show, and is loved by fans all over the globe. Still, there’s one thing you should know.
He is not a cop.
“I Am Not a Cop” (abbreviated from here after as IANAC) is a fictional account written by Belzer as he is dragged into a bizarre investigation following the disappearance of his friend, Rudy...more
Mark
First thing's first: if you aren't a fan of Richard Belzer as an actor--or if you don't know who he is--then you probably won't like this book. It features a story that is clichéd, often times seeming to be merely a means for Belzer to offer up his (mostly) lame jokes, film references, and political opinions. The characters are mostly undeveloped and one-dimensional, which doesn't help matters. As a reader, there are also times when you must try really hard to suspend belief, such as the numerou...more
Jack
Aug 08, 2012 Jack rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: crime enthusiasts, subtle humor and sarcasm
I was not expecting much from this book, at least in the area of a good police crime drama story. Sure, we all love him on L&O:SVU, but he doesn't write that stuff. According to this book, though, NBC might not suffer from asking him to do so.

I was also happy to see the lack of overdoing his personal success as a comedian taking over the story. He uses sarcasm and humor only to enhance particular situations in the otherwise brilliant story concoction. He avoids sticking in any stand-up style...more
Patty
I really liked this book, which was somewhat of a surprise. I decided to try it because I like Richard Belzer as Detective John Munch on Law & Order SVU, but loved him in the same role on Homicide: Life on the Streets where the role originated.

So, I figured I would give the book a try, see if he wrote as well as he acted - and surprisingly, he does!

It was a bit of shock to realize that the main character in this book is Richard Belzer, that took a while to get used to but paid off in the en...more
Dale
Okay, but not great detective fiction

Law & Order: SVU 's Richard Belzer tries his hand at fiction (with some help from mystery writer Michael A. Black) with I Am Not A Cop!: A Novel ,a bit of noir lit that reminds me of Robert B. Parker without all of the psychobabble but with more conspiracy theories and lots more political commentary. Belzer inserts himself as the main character in this interesting but tedious work.

Belzer's acid wit comes to the fore throughout his personal investigation...more
Bismarck Public Library
This book is a riot, especially if you're a fan of the popular show, Law and Order: SVU. Richard Belzer, who plays Detective Munch on the show, plays himself in the novel. He gets wrapped up in the mysterious disappearance of his friend, despite the constant warnings of his police friend who reminds him that he's not a real cop, and only plays one on tv.

Belzer is also a well-known comedian and his sense of humor shows itself often throughout this novel. He's often told that "he looks familiar"...more
Phillis
For a first effort at writing a mystery, this wasn't bad. I liked the fact Richard Belzer used himself as the main character. The humor was light and and timely. I sort of guessed at the out come of some of the plots involved in Belzer trying to find out what happened to his friend Rusy. Seems Rudy went missing after asking Richard to meet him at a boxing match and didn't show up the next day either. It had Richard worried enough to try and find out what happended to him. Rudy's car was found do...more
Stuart
A good read for lovers of wry mysteries. Richard Belzer is one of the cast of Law and Order: SVU, and some time stand-up comic. He brings both of these personas to this book by inserting his real life self into the story. The premise is that one of his friends is missing, perhaps kidnapped, perhaps dead, and the police are proving slow at searching for him. So Richard starts to search, aided by an assistant foisted on him by the TV production company.

It’s a good mystery story, and there is a cer...more
Caleb
Apr 10, 2009 Caleb added it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Richard Belzer's family and friends
Shelves: fiction
This was a pretty potent reminder of why I don't read much fiction, and hardly ever read mysteries. Belzer calls this a "reality novel," in which the Law and Order: SVU actor plays himself, an actor who plays a cop on TV and gets sucked into solving a real-life mystery.

Belzer's comedy persona and the cop character he plays are rather engaging, and I enjoyed his non-fiction, conspiracy theory book okay, but this is tedious reading; an extremely generic plot made mildly interesting only by Belzer'...more
Michael Durant
Richard Belzer's debut novel, I Am Not A Cop, is a light, comedic romp through New York City and the Russian mafia. It's also one of those books, like The Fat Man, where the premise alone has to sell you. If you don't like the premise, then don't bother with it. The premise: Richard Belzer, best known for playing Det. John Munch on Homicide: Life on the Street and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, finds himself investigating the mysterious disappearance of a friend by drawing on twenty year...more
Paula
I enjoy watching the author on television and I truly enjoyed this book. Great job BELZER!
Don Simpson
Pretty good. It's an easy read, but some of the dialog is a little stilted.
Sharon
After 10 years of portraying Detective Sergeant John Munch (between "Homicide: Life on the Streets" and "Law & Order: SVU"), it somehow seems only natural that Richard Belzer write a murder mystery. Except that Munch is not the protagonist in the story - Belzer himself becomes the investigator due to a series of coincidences.

With the acerbic wit which his fans know and love, Belzer crafts an entertaining novel with characters both likable and disreputable. There is much to enjoy here with Be...more
Sarah Jane Smith
A hilarious novel written by one of New York's finest - well, on TV at least. Our hero, the snarky actor-turned-investigator Richard Belzer (yes, the same Belzer!) tracks down the people responsible for his friend's disappearance with his usual dry wit and unapologetic way with words. Drags a bit at places, but wraps up nicely at the end and never fails to satisfy. I'll definitely be reading the next one in the series - and I really hope Mr. Belzer (the actor, not the character) continues his la...more
Lori
I'll give Mr. Belzer this, at least he knows how write in his own voice and it's obvious he had a blast writing this book. While not as funny as I'd hoped it would be, it was nice to see a slice of New York you don't often see in books, like the Russians who inhabit Brighton Beach and the Russian mafiya which has reared its ugliness in recent years.

As with any book in this genre (accidental detective?) the situations are a little, OK, a lot improbable, but then it wouldn't be much fun to read ot...more
Glee
I had high hopes for this book. Interesting conceit - take a reasonably well-known actor/stand-up comic and insert him into a crime novel. Especially since his best known character is a NYPD cop. But it just didn't work very well. Characters (other than the cop) are one-dimensional and cartoonish and hackneyed plot. I had to really work to finish this one, and now I wonder why I bothered. Hours I will never get back....

Oh well, on to the next...
Scoats
I really wanted and expected to love this one. I liked this book a lot. Belzer and helper craft a good mystery and there’s a good bit of action. I do have complaints though, 1) not nearly funny as I expected. For somebody Rolling Stone called “the funniest man alive” back in the 1980s, it’s not very funny. 2) Richard isn’t really too modest about his martial arts skills.

It’s very good, but this book had the potential to be great.
Steve Johnson
This is a novel about this guy named Richard Belzer who plays a cop on TV and then gets sucked into a real-life mystery, which he investigates using his celebrity status, police connections, and experience playing Detective Munch. In other words, Belz is pretty much using the same formula as Kinky Friedman. I was expecting a little more humor, but overall it's a pretty good mystery novel.
Nicole
If you like Richard Belzer's sense of humor (as seen in his portrayal of Det. John Munch on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit) then this is a good quick read. The humor comes through quite well, as does a playful behind-the-scenes look at SVU. The mystery itself didn't really grab me, though.

It was an excellent book to be stuck in an airport with...
Danette
This guy is supposed to be a comedian. I didn't find the humor in his character or his book. I found it pompus to put himself in the book and his references to a certain female actress was overused.
I didn't find him funny in the least. He was sarcastic and I rude. He reminded me of a smart ass teenager. Now I know why I never picked this book up until now.
Shruts
Just a fun goofy book as one might expect written by a comedian- Belzer the real actor is embroiled in a murder mystery in NYC and sticks his nose in where ever no one seems to want it. Belzer inserts his true life persona so otetn and with so much detail one needs to keep aware it is first and foremost a fictional novel. Not heavy reading but enjoyable
Drew
Excellent book. Puts you in the mind of what would happen if you mixed the film noir genre's Malteese Falcon with a with a dark comedy. Richard Belzer himself is the main character who gets mixed up with mobsters, spies and diamonds as well as an angry producer following the disappearance of a close friends at the Medical Examiner's office.
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98389
Belzer is the author of four books, the last two of which were a crime fiction series co-written with Michael Black that featured Belzer as the mystery-solving protagonist. I’m Not a Cop, the first of the two, was published in 2008, followed by the sequel, I’m Not a Psychic, in 2009. Belzer penned UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don’t Have to Be Crazy to Believe in 2000, and co-authored How...more
More about Richard Belzer...
UFOs, JFK & Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe Dead Wrong: Straight Facts on the Country's Most Controversial Cover-Ups Hit List: An In-Depth Investigation into the Mysterious Deaths of Witnesses to the JFK Assassination I Am Not a Psychic!: A Novel Dead Wrong 2: Diana, Princess of Wales

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