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Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work
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Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

3.95 of 5 stars 3.95  ·  rating details  ·  172 ratings  ·  24 reviews
Simple, Powerful Techniques that Make Relationships Work

"Why won’t my husband ever express his feelings?"
“Why won’t my wife listen?"
“Why is my sister such a control freak?"
"Why does my ex act like such a total jerk?"
“What’s wrong with people?”

We all have someone we can’t get along with—whether it’s a friend or colleague who complains constantly, a relentlessly critical bos
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ebook, 352 pages
Published December 30th 2008 by Harmony (first published 2008)
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Community Reviews

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John Stucki
First off, I already have a great relationship with my wife. This book so is really good at showing you how to work with all types of relationships. Unlike other ones I have read it gives you realistic and simple tools to improve your communications. It also directly addresses common challenges and common types of personalities and how to deal with them.

Make no mistake though, it like pretty much all other books I've read on the subject, all indicate the only thing you can do is change your int
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Jesse
Much like Mindless Eating, this is one book that probably every American should read. Most people have communication issues that the techniques in this book can help you overcome by pulling you out of your automatic responses, acknowledging the truth in what the other person is telling you and then finding the path forward together.

Knowing and acknowledging that you can only control your actions is really the key to fixing a lot of things in life. Dr. Burns uses it extensively. Highly recommend
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Evie
This is a reworked and expanded offering of the communication sections from The Feeling Good Workbook. If you've already read either of the previous Feeling Good books, but you're interested in learning how to use the communication skills better, this volume streamlines some of the previous information and adds some new exercises. The Relationship Journal technique and provided form is helpful tool in assessing your strengths and weaknesses when using the Five Skills, and using it regularly will ...more
Mike
This would be my third venture into David Burns territory, and with diminishing returns. Feeling Good Together is a beefed-up and perhaps more thorough rendition of the Communication section in the Feeling Good Handbook, but for some reason this book carries a more bitter tone. Burns has not quite shed his oft-inappropriately exuberant styling, but this time around there are some negative undertones or red flags.

First is the usage of utterly impossible examples to demonstrate his point; it seem
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Matthew Mccrady
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants to communicate better with difficult people. I would caution you, though, that reading the book isn't enough. As the book progresses, Dr. Burns insists that you practice his techniques, sometimes in writing and sometimes in person with a partner. It can seem daunting, especially if you are older and have never had a good role model for how to communicate. One other thing that might put you off a bit is that many of the examples he provid ...more
Mckinley
Cognitive Interpersonal Therapy (CIT)techniques

Motives compete with love: control, revenge, justice, narcissism, pride, scapegoating, truth, blame, self-pity, anger/bitterness, competition, and hidden agenda,

What do I want more - a battle or a loving relationship?
Good communication: 1. express feelings openly and directly, 2. listen non-defensively, 3. treat other with respect during conversation

CIT factors:
1. we all provoke and maintain the exact relationships problems that we complain about,
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Ramón Pérez
En este libro Burns revisa lo que sabemos acerca de las prácticas comunes de terapia de pareja, y el resultado es bastante desmoralizador: la terapia de pareja, en general, no funciona. Las causas quedan bien establecidas en la primera parte del libro. Especialmente de agradecer la honradez de Burns al admitir que la terapia que él ha ayudado a popularizar y que más soporte científico tiene (la terapia cognitiva) tampoco pasa esta prueba.

Como respuesta Burns desarrolla una variante de la terapia
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Janna
I don't doubt Mr. Burns' knowledge and skill with his personal counseling sessions, as his theories and tricks made perfect sense; but I didn't really enjoy receiving his knowledge via writing. Especially since he often wanted you to apply his theories to a specific event or person in your life, and that doesn't always work. Otherwise, it was a little boring, and the "worksheets" just annoyed me. Some might find it very helpful... it just wasn't for me.
Sameh Selim
الكتاب يشرح المكونات الرئيسية للإتصال الفعال ويوضح ببساطة ان التواصل مع الآخرين يبدأ من تغيير سلوكنا وردود أفعالنا ويضع الإستماع الجيد في أول هذه القواعد والتعاطف وتأكيد الذات مع الإحترام والتقدير مهما كانت الرسالة من الطرف الآخر.

لقراءة عدة مقالات مترجمة من الكتاب تفضل بزيارة الروابط الآتية:

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Helen
Like many books of this genre, it seems to be one that can help a couple who are both interested in changing their relationship to make it better. He provides good basic instructions on communication skills that can make a huge difference if people are really willing to apply them. Better still, he explains why these practices will make a difference.
Like many authors, he also says many times that if you do this.... those around you will begin to respond differently, I continue to struggle with t
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Ren
A useful read -- even though Burns spends the first three chapters promoting CBT thought-restructuring as the answer to relationship problems and the next 200 pages teaching communication skills instead.
Cindy
This is another one that I think I have to buy. The author, a successful therapist, starts out by saying that the reason that most conflicted relationships never improve is that no one wants to change themselves and the way they're acting--they want the other person to change. Well I have seen that situation. And I have probably been in that situation. I love that he teaches (difficult) techniques to help in difficult relationships or in moments of conflict. He also presents places to practice e ...more
Kristen MacGregor
This is THE best communication book I've ever come across. Don't take the title too literally- it can be useful with any relationship, not just a spouse. If you're having trouble getting closer to someone you want a more meaningful relationship with [spouse, sibling, parent, friend, coworker:] then this is an EXCELLENT book to read. He tells you how YOU are doing things wrong- which is something you can actually fix [everyone knows you can't change other people, just yourself!:]
Tara Calaby
This is essentially a book about improving interpersonal communication. What it argues is pretty sound, but there's nothing especially innovative and I didn't feel as though I learnt anything through reading it. Others might find it more relevant.

As a warning, someone with BPD is used as a villain (opposing their psychologist) in one of the described scenarios, with the usual stereotypical statements made about manipulation etc. Unnecessary and unkind.
Debbie
This was like a college psych course, complete with homework assignments. Great book club discussion. Heather described it best when she said - lots of books make you want a better relationship but this one gives you the actual techniques to use to work towards one. I learned I need to practice empathy. It is always great to be around Heather's enthusiasm.
Shawn
This is a great book about communications. It has you take personal responsibility for your communication, then teaches you to listen and to act on what you hear, rather than to react, and cause more problems. Good skill building book for all types of realtionships, not just marriage. A book everyone should read.
Jessica
The book is a bit repetitious, but I have found that to be the case with many psychology books. It contains some truly helpful techniques for dealing with conflict and really bringing relationships closer. Very worthwhile, I am excited to implement some of his suggestions.
Kathy
I didn't like this book and I don't recommend it. I thought it might share some tips for making good relationships better, but it was really sad stories about sad couples. Not helpful. Made me appreciate that things are good for me and us right now.
Jen
I found it quite interesting with some very valid points. I wish I would have taken better notes. I might have to read again.

Need to finish review
Finished 26 November 2013
Sally
Contains some valuable insights, but it's not an approach that I can use as it is presented. However, I'm sure there are other people who would find it helpful.
R
Ideas about how to decipher my husbands communication, but better yet...insights into why I say and do what I do and how to correct myself. We both read this one.
Lori
Best book on any creating good relationships that I've ever read. It's not just about making troubled relationships better but helping all of them. Excellent!
Warren Wallace
A bit to touchy feely for me. Some good ideas on how to resolve conflict. Hard to read at one setting.

must read it a little at a time.
Anita Caamano
Not so crazy about the workbook part of this book
Sleman
Sleman marked it as to-read
Dec 14, 2014
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David D. Burns is an adjunct professor emeritus in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Stanford University School of Medicine and the author of the best-selling book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Burns popularized cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) when his book became a best seller during the 1980s.

Burns received his B.A. from Amherst College in 1964 and his M.D. fro
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