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Goodbye, I Love You

3.89 of 5 stars 3.89 · rating details · 551 ratings · 134 reviews

Good-bye, I Love You is the true story of a wife, her homosexual husband, and a love that transcended tragedy when he came home to die.

First released in hardcover in 1986, Good-bye, I Love You was the first widely acclaimed memoir of what was to become a continuing tragedy: death resulting from the AIDS virus. Since problems related to AIDS take an ever-increasing toll, th

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Paperback, 199 pages

Published October 1st 2006 by Cedar Fort (first published 1986)

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Aug 25, 2008 Jeanne rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was sad that I read this book, as recommended by a friend. I always had enjoyed Carol Lynn Pearson's work--My Turn on Earth, her poetry, Duaghters of Light, etc. But this was disturbing. Her view of her own worthlessness as a woman came through loud and clear. She said she always knew she wasn't as good as a man, and her husband proved her to be right, by choosing men over her.

She just went along with everything as if what he was doing was okay. Yuck. She even moved to San Francisco with her...more

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Nov 11, 2007 Rachel Wagner rated it 3 of 5 stars

I liked this book but didn't love it. I admire Carol Lynn's perspective on the trial of her marriage and how she was able to see the good in her husband. I think her message of loving all people regardless of their choices is beautiful and empowering. However, I was unsatisfied with one part of the book. Her husband Gerald was supposedly doing something empowering by giving into his desires. What I saw though was a man who left his marriage, could never keep up a relationship and ended up misera...more

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Apr 21, 2008 Stephanie rated it 3 of 5 stars

I give this book three stars because it was well written. However I take exception to how much she enabled her husband. I can't imagine what toll it took on her children to see his promiscuity and the results. I think she went one step too far beyond loving the sinner and loved his sins a little too much.

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Jun 14, 2008 Emily rated it 3 of 5 stars

I am not generally a Carol Lynn Pearson fan, but this book reminded me of my life that could-have-been and I am very happy that I escaped when I did!

The book is a true story. So what happens is that she finds this totally awesome guy, Gerald, that she really loves. He loves her and show tunes. So they get married and have kids. Then he says, "Hey! I am gay. Didn't I mention that?" The end was sad. I cried. I don't do that very often in books. But then again I read a lot of non-fiction about stuf...more I am not generally a Carol Lynn Pearson fan, but this book reminded me of my life that could-have-been and I am very happy that I escaped when I did!

The book is a true story. So what happens is that she finds this totally awesome guy, Gerald, that she really loves. He loves her and show tunes. So they get married and have kids. Then he says, "Hey! I am gay. Didn't I mention that?" The end was sad. I cried. I don't do that very often in books. But then again I read a lot of non-fiction about stuff like real estate, rich people, industry, etc. Not usually tearjerkers.

So here's where my life paralleled hers: I dated a guy with a VERY similar name, who liked showtunes a lot. Like he actually owned the CD to 'A Chorus Line' and knew (knows?) all the songs. Ok. So we dated for a year. In that year I would have totally made out with him 365 times. Guess how many times he took advantage of that? Did you guess only 300? 100? 25? WRONG! ZERO. Yes, never did he make out with me. Weird. My husband tells me I am a very make-outable person. Our total kissing was about 7 times. One little peck each time. My grandmother has kissed me with more passion. Ok, so every time I would plan a little time for the two of us to hang out he would manage to invite someone else, ie his best friend, little brother, his family, to come along. Fortunately I really liked all those people. Looking back now I think I actually was more in love with his family and he was my means to getting in.

So you might be thinking that he just didn't want to be alone with me because he didn't like me. But think of your own husbands or boyfriends or NCMOs. For the most part would they have given up a make-out chance (before they met you) for any reason?

Also, let me just get this off my chest: I hate video games. This guy loved video games more than life or cleanliness. He would wake up about 11 am and play video games, non stop, until 2-ish in the morning. Then he'd get up and do the same thing the next day. Did you noticed that I didn't mention bathing or changing clothes anywhere in his routine? I was super desperate (and stupid) and so I overlooked these things and only saw the good: he could identify which show and sing all the lyrics to every broadway musical ever. I don't particularly love Broadway, so I'm not sure why that was such a draw. I remember MANY evening when our "date" would be that he'd invite me over to (I am not kidding-these are his words) "watch [him] play video games." And I would do it. Oh man I was dumb. I never even played the video games. I seriously just went and watched. I guess in that case, we were both losers.

Anyways, my theory is that he played video games to distract himself from his un-attraction to girls. Then he got addicted. Then he was like, 'Sweet! Now I have an addiction and therefore an excuse to avoid girls!'

Ok, let me say this: I saw a commercial for the Tony awards the other night. I asked my husband if he wanted to watch. He gagged at the thought. Then we made out. I really love him. (less)

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Feb 20, 2013 Tracie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: america, memoir-biography, religion, women

Review on my little family blog - "The book I couldn't put down this weekend was Carol Lynn Pearson's "Goodbye, I Love you." I knew her name because she wrote the lyrics to the LDS musical I grew up listening to on a record, "My Turn On Earth." It has my favorite lullaby ever. I'd never known her story at all until recently listening to her tell it on a very long podcast.

The back cover summary of the book says:
Gerald Pearson had been honest with Carol Lynn about his homosexual past, but both of...more Review on my little family blog - "The book I couldn't put down this weekend was Carol Lynn Pearson's "Goodbye, I Love you." I knew her name because she wrote the lyrics to the LDS musical I grew up listening to on a record, "My Turn On Earth." It has my favorite lullaby ever. I'd never known her story at all until recently listening to her tell it on a very long podcast.

The back cover summary of the book says:
Gerald Pearson had been honest with Carol Lynn about his homosexual past, but both of them had faith that marriage and devotion to their religion would change his orientation. Love would conquer all. Then, after eight years of apparent happiness and the birth of four children, Gerald was no longer able to deny what he considered to be his essential self. Carol Lynn was shattered, her self-esteem all but destroyed. Their divorce, however, could not erase a lifetime of love and mutual support. Carol Lynn courageously stood by her former husband's side. Even when he contracted AIDS -- and came home to die.

Carol Lynn is/was a much sought after speaker for LDS events. The Pearsons were married in 1966 and this book was published in 1986, a few years after Gerald passed away. Carol Lynn came to notoriety in Utah and across the LDS US with a book of her poems Gerald self-published because he believed in them so much. They sold like wild fire, and poetry books don't typically do that. Ever. She really is gifted with words, the book flows effortlessly and it's a pretty quick read.

I really loved how honest she was about her pain as everything unfolded and her journey coming to understand and love Gerald despite how his choices hurt her to the core. I really appreciated how she articulated her struggle to understand the place of women in the LDS church and elevate understanding. I've had many of the same questions she sought answers to. Because of the heartaches she suffered, she became more empathetic and aware that there must be many walking wounded around her who also bore their silent sorrows alone. I can attest to this from my own experience although my trials have been different. All the while, she has clung to her faith in the gospel and remained active in the Church. I was moved to tears as she shared how her ward family came to her aid in Gerald's final days like we Mormons strive to do.

With all the current publicity of civil rights for the LGBT community and same sex marriage initiatives in recent years, this book is a great introduction for Mormons and others of faith to understand a little of the agony someone experiences when they come to realize that their gender and/or orientation don't fit the mold. This is obviously more on what she and other loved ones go through as well. My heart breaks for those who realize that their hopes for the future, those that their culture and their faith prepare them for is not happening for them for whatever reason. I can only attempt to fathom what that must be like, but I am trying to tap in with empathy, sensitivity, and compassion to their stories. And this doesn't just apply to gay people, there are so many whose life circumstances aren't panning out as they envisioned.

When these issues were first brought to my attention over ten years ago through loved ones and public policies of the day, I based my most of judgements on a lot of fear and not enough empathy or desire to be empathetic. While I still don't know what the best solutions are when it comes to various public and church policies, I do believe everyone deserves to be treated as a child of God, welcomed in our circles with love and respect. I think and hope civility and empathy in the discourse from all sides is improving but still has a long, long way to go.

Carol Lynn Pearson when asked why she's taken up this cause rather than continuing her focus on the status of women has simply replied that women aren't attempting and committing suicide because of their struggle, gay members have and are. If we alienate these anguished souls, we throw them to the wolves. I am grateful for the growing wealth of resources for those like me trying to sort this out. I am now starting Pearson's followup book "No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones." I don't agree or haven't decided what I think about everything Pearson hopes for the future, but I am enjoying the questions I am asking myself and the discussions Ryan and I are having as a result.(less)

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Nov 16, 2011 Shauni rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book impacted me deeply. It is the memoir of an LDS woman, Carol Lynn Pearson, whom I love and admire. In this book, she shares the story of her own heart-wrenching relationship and marriage to Gerald, a homosexual man. After they have four children together, she learns that he has been unfaithful with other men. They try for several years to hold their marriage together, but end up getting a divorce. They remain good friends, and when he contracts AIDS in the early 1980s, she takes him in...more This book impacted me deeply. It is the memoir of an LDS woman, Carol Lynn Pearson, whom I love and admire. In this book, she shares the story of her own heart-wrenching relationship and marriage to Gerald, a homosexual man. After they have four children together, she learns that he has been unfaithful with other men. They try for several years to hold their marriage together, but end up getting a divorce. They remain good friends, and when he contracts AIDS in the early 1980s, she takes him in and cares for him until he dies.

My brother-in-law (who is gay) and I (who am LDS) each bought the Kindle edition of this book at the same time. I read it to gain a deeper understanding of homosexuality, and he bought it to better understand Mormons' attitudes towards the gay community. The beauty of this book is that it accomplishes both. The underlying theme of the book is compassion and understanding towards everyone, even towards those who choose not to reciprocate that love.

If I hadn't read this book in the gym while running on the elliptical, I would have been in tears. I was very impressed with Carol Lynn's compassion towards Gerald and her capacity to forgive him. At the same time, I loved how open and honest she was about her own emotional roller coaster, and that she didn't try to sugarcoat the pain she endured or excuse Gerald's actions. Rather, she used this experience as a tool to raise consciousness, sympathy, tolerance, and acceptance of homosexuality within the Mormon community, and on a more personal level, to help people who are going through a similar situation.

I love this little poem she included in the memoir to illustrate her own resilience:

I dim
I dim
I have no doubt
If someone blew–
I would go out.

I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.

Carol Lynn Pearson has devoted much of her life to increasing awareness and understanding of homosexuality within the Mormon community. I'm looking forward to reading her other book on the subject, No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones.(less)

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Sep 10, 2010 Jezzyka rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I almost feel like I have to give this book more than one rating.

First, when I checked the book out, I did not know the author was Mormon. As an Ex-Mormon atheist, some of the references and philosophies made me cringe. I was glad, very glad, to hear her questions (some of the ones I had, about the way womanhood was approached, and the way the church was not only ignorant about homosexuality, but vengeful and cruel). In the end, however, she was still with the church. It was disappointing.

Ignor...more

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Apr 08, 2010 Alicia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Yes, I read two books today. (NERD!!) But this one was short. It's about Carol Lynn Pearson and her life. Her gay husband, his fight with AIDS and how she and their 4 kids dealt with it. It made me cry.

I love her poems. And I have loved her poems since I was a little girl. Mostly because my mother loves her poems. Here is one (or an excerpt from one, I'm completely sure which) that she includes in the book:

It's time, Father,
For the gulls, I think.
My arms shake
From flailing my field.
I sink,
Broken...more

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Mar 05, 2010 Tonia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Her experience having married a gay man, having a family, learning of her husband's infidelity with men, trying to work through the difficulties, letting her marriage end, then nursing her ex-husband through to his AIDS related death, caused me to tear up and cry for three days. Not only was it a tragic, true story of love and loss, but it paralleled my marriage and the of several of my LDS friends. Pearson has consoled 25 years of Mormon women who wake up one day to find that their husbands was...more

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Oct 30, 2009 Kellie rated it 4 of 5 stars

I LOVED this book, I have a few reservations about it, but I loved it. I loved Carol Lynn's interesting perspective on her journey through the foreign territory of her husband's sexual orientation. I loved her husband, Gerald, he was just so wonderful! I loved his desire to understand and experience life! I loved that both of them were able to make the best out of a really sad situation, and that they were able to set a loving example for all of us. This story is a journey, and those stories are...more

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Sep 16, 2010 Kassie rated it 4 of 5 stars

I think Carol Lynn Pearson is an amazing woman. Even if you are not familiar with her, I'm willing to bet you've heard some of her poems or heard of her plays (the Mormon musical "My Turn on Earth" is probably the most well known). This book is a memoir of her experiences with her husband, who was a homosexual. It begins in the mid-sixties and follows the course of their relationship from early courtship, through their years of marriage and having 4 children together, a divorce, and eventually t...more

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Oct 12, 2012 Nancy Silk rated it 5 of 5 stars

There is amazing love and compassion in this true story written by Carol Lynn Pearson. She and her husband, Gerald, are close high school and college friends, both raised in the Mormon faith during the 60's and 70's. They pursue their higher education and careers and then it comes time for them to consider marriage. They openly discuss Gerald's homosexuality, which Gerald works hard to stay strong against and to live in accordance with his Mormon doctrine. Yet, after a few years, and having thre...more

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Aug 19, 2011 Marc rated it 3 of 5 stars

I just read a short story where these kinds of tell all memoirs were referred to as the "Look Ma, I'm Still Breathing." The book is about a religious Mormon woman, Pearson, who marries, in the 60's, a man she knows has had some struggles with homosexuality. Of course, things don't wok out too well and this tells the story of their marriage and collapse of their marriage. It was a quick read and pretty interesting. Although I think she was a little too easy on her husband when she finds out he ha...more

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Aug 28, 2010 Lucy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I do not love poetry. I do not understand poetry. In almost all cases, I will avoid reading poetry. So, when my mother-in-law lent me an autobiography of an LDS female poet, Carol Pearson, whose marriage to a gay-man ended when he left her and the church to pursue a gay lifestyle but who she eventually cared for as he succumbed to AIDS, it took me a few months to work up the courage to read this book. While it does contain some of her poetry, which includes several things I've read before, it is...more

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Mar 29, 2009 Julie rated it 2 of 5 stars

I love Carol Lynn Pearson's poetry-- she is one of my favorites in that genre. As far as this book goes, it was too sad for me to really like. She is certainly a very Christlike person, and I admire her strength and willingness to love someone who hurt her so deeply. As I read, I felt I she was giving him a "pass" for cheating on her just because of his homosexual nature and his quest to find himself-- cheating is cheating, I don't care if the person is homosexual or heterosexual. Her poor husba...more

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Sep 01, 2010 Tanya W rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

I'm interested in reading this again... I believe I read it about 20 years ago, and I wonder how I would feel about it today. Carol Lynn Pearson is a remarkable woman. Her autobiographical story about marrying and realizing that her husband had a strong ongoing same gender attraction which he was unwilling to deny and the consequences and outcomes of their story made a lasting impression on me. It certainly made me sympathize with the trials that gay people and their families can suffer. Thanks...more

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Aug 21, 2010 Alyson rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Loved how honestly Pearson wrote this book. One of my favorite quotes is at the end of the story: "Gerald's mother arrived and I was glad not to be alone. She was efficient and strong and simply did what had to be done. Her own bewilderment and pain were put away like useless clothing in the back of the closet. She was nurse and mother." I guess some people's criticism of this book is they disagree with the choices/how the situations were handled but for me this book wasn't about being right or...more

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Mar 09, 2012 Rebecca rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I like stories about real people and real lives. This book was written by a great author, Carol Lynn Pearson, about something that happened in her life and how she dealt with it. I really liked reading this book because Carol Lynn Pearson wrote about something that doesn't happen to very many people. She was asked to do something hard - to care for her ex-spouse as he comes to live with her before he dies from AIDS. She writes with honesty, tenderness and compassion. I find it a book, although s...more

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Aug 28, 2011 Jenny rated it 4 of 5 stars

A very intriguing read about Carol's marriage to Gerald, a Mormon homosexual.Her Christ like actions are an example of selfless acts of love towards her ex-husband Gerald. Even despite his unfaithfulness that took place during the marriage. Leaving her with four small children to raise as he goes off in search of love. Although he did indicate that he would like to have the best of both worlds. Be married and have a life partner. she promptly said no to that. It is quite a remarkable true story....more

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Jan 02, 2009 Jan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography, culture

We were friends with Gerald in the mid 70's while he was still living in Provo with his family. He was a lot of fun, making us blueberry waffles for dinner one night; taking us to a concert he was promoting at the Y another. Neither Dan nor I had any idea he was gay, and were shocked when we heard he had gone to California to live. The book was an eye opener; I appreciate Carol Lynn's willingness to tell it all with literary panash, and her heart for living it all.
When we were ready to name our...more

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Dec 05, 2011 Melissa rated it 5 of 5 stars

I could NOT put this down. I was blown away that I had not heard of this woman's story, who she was, and I was especially blown away that this happened before I was born and that so little seems to have changed. There is a 5 hour-long interview with Carol Lynn Pearson on youtube and we watched one hour. From the interview, she seems like one of the most Christ-like people I have ever encountered. From watching the interview, she doesn't claim to have answers to doctrine concerning homosexuality,...more

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Jan 10, 2009 Traci rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-club, non-fiction

I don't know what to say exactly about this book... I know it has been around for awhile, but my bookclub at the library just read it for our January selection. As I read the book, I was amazed at Carol Lynn Pearson's absolute selflessness (I guess that must be a word, right?)and unconditional love. She just kept giving and loving her husband Gerald, even after all the pain and heartache she was feeling because of him. I had such mixed feelings about him- one minute I was mad, the next minute I...more

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Apr 11, 2012 Suzanne Mackley rated it 2 of 5 stars

It is a sad and heart wrenching story, but there are some things that bother me about it. The author makes it sound like the church is responsible for her marriage to her husband rather than taking responsibility for her actions. They obviously loved each other, but there are many statements where her husband said he wished he could give her what she deserved. I don't understand what she is trying to tell us with that, but as i read it kept thinking that if he really loved her as much as he said...more

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Nov 05, 2009 Shelia Timmons rated it 5 of 5 stars

Where do I start. I guess disturbing would be a good starting point. This book was written by my husbands aunt. Gerald was his uncle. I know Carol Lynn and her family personally. I have read all of her books. When you meet her in person she is so peaceful and serene it is almost surreal. All I can say is that she has lived her life according to WWJD (What would Jesus do?). Her daughter Emily also married a gay man and had two children. Her book is coming out soon. It is called, "Dancing with Cra...more

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Sep 28, 2009 Jaclyn rated it 4 of 5 stars

I thought this book was very interesting. And I cried a lot. I was very impressed with Carol Lynn because she put her love of someone before the beliefs of the LDS church and the views and opinions of the culture at the time. I am sure that wasn't easy to do. So, bravo to her for being so loving and caring. (Isn't that what Jesus would want us to do??) AND how hard would it be to live a life, a perfect life, and then one day find out there is just one "little problem"? My heart ached for her and...more

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May 13, 2009 Elaine rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: beauty, humanity, humor, nature, poetry, politics, relationships, religion

Carol Lynn Pearson. She can write well and she has stories and emotions to share - I have zero complaints. I'll probably read it again, and I'll probably cry every time I do. I wish I knew Gerald. And because of her being willing to write this beautiful story, I feel in some small way I do. I want to buy it and give it to everyone I know. But since I can't possibly afford that, please, everyone I know, go out and buy this! And then tell everyone YOU know to do the same, on and on forever, so tha...more

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Jul 25, 2008 Kate rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: anyone concerned for members of the LGBT community

Recommended to Kate by: my dad

Shelves: memoir

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Aug 25, 2010 Kathy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book was written by an author whose husband left her because he was gay. He was always searching for that one true love. After he got aids and became very ill, she brought him into her home and nursed him very lovingly and unjudgmental until he passed away. She knew that he didn't love her romantically, but the two of them loved each other as dear friends in a platonic relationship. She lived the higher law, she didn't condone his choices, but she was able to show love and compassion to him...more

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Dec 01, 2010 Jenne rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: religion, history

From this book, I get an example of respect for another's journey and the cautious caring required to love inspire of bewilderment. There aren't many stories out there that can illustrate this. Goodbye I love you provides an angle in telling this story that will attract others. The spectacle of Mormon, gay and wife accepting and sustaining her husband through homosexuality ISA combination that may just lead others to read it because how unlikely and surprising her reaction is.

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Nov 03, 2010 Katrina rated it 5 of 5 stars

I just devoured this book this afternoon. Could hardly put it down. I recently discovered Carol Lynn Pearson's work and now I'm on a quest to read everything she's written. This is such a beautifully told story. It's heartbreaking and inspiring. We may not all have to face the trials Pearson has faced, but we will all have them. And I think most of us have felt on the "outside" at some point. I love Pearson's honesty and faith. I'm very moved by her story.

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About Carol Lynn Pearson

From http://www.clpearson.com/about_me.htm

In fourth grade, in Gusher, Utah, I won four dollars in a school district essay contest on “Why We Should Eat a Better Breakfast.” And yes, this morning I had a bowl of my own excellent granola, followed by a hike in the hills near my home in Walnut Creek, California.

In high school I began writing in earnest. I have now in my files a folder marked “Poetry,...more

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