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Boundaries In Marriage
 
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Henry Cloud
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Boundaries In Marriage

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4.22  ·  Rating Details  ·  884 Ratings  ·  77 Reviews
Whether you are just starting out as a couple, have been married for years, or are seriously contemplating marriage, Boundaries in Marriage will show you how to establish your own boundaries and respect those of your partner. Drawing on principles from the Bible, it can help you safeguard against relational fractures and mend existing cracks. It may even save your marriage ...more
Paperback, 256 pages
Published August 24th 1999 by Zondervan (first published January 1st 1999)
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(showing 1-30 of 2,071)
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Cindy Rollins
Mar 29, 2014 Cindy Rollins rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2014
I am going to give this book 5 stars because I think it goes a long way in correcting marital problems that may arise from a misunderstanding of traditional Christian teaching about submission. I believe my own misunderstanding of this concept helped create problems in my own marriage.

Making a few tiny adjustments in my own attitude towards what it means to be in a Christian marriage has brought great healing to my marriage and I also believe it has helped me clean up some of my parenting.

My u
...more
Justin
Jan 10, 2013 Justin rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
When I first picked the book up to start reading it I was intrigued by some of the things written in the first few chapters. But, for some reason, it was very unpleasant to get through. Once I began to move deeper into the book to find how this was applicable to me was when I couldn't get enough of it.

When asked why I was reading this book at work I responded with, "Because I want to be a better husband." I wasn't sure how the boundaries thing would work out, but I am glad for the authors' appr
...more
Barbara Spurll
Nov 26, 2012 Barbara Spurll rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Healthy boundaries in marriage are about protecting love, not changing your partner or getting even. The authors stress taking responsibility for our own shortcomings, making sure we have "gotten the log out" of our own eye before before demanding that the other take the speck out of his. Great tips on styles of communicating to protect boundaries as well. The authors emphasize that marriage is difficult but most conflicts can not only be worked out but can lead to the intimacy you both long for ...more
Claudia McCants


Learn when to say yes and when to say no--to your spouse and to others--to make the most of your marriage and relationships. Only when a husband and wife know and respect each other's needs, choices, and freedom can they give themselves freely and lovingly to one another.

Boundaries are the 'property lines' that define and protect husbands and wives as individuals. Once they are in place, a good marriage can become better, and a less-than-satisfying one can even be saved.

Drs. Henry Cloud and John
...more
Melanie
Sep 16, 2014 Melanie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: religion, family
I wish I had read this when I had first got married. I picked this up mostly because the hold list at the library for the boundaries with kids was too long. I am so glad I did because it has already helped me be a better wife. I got a lot out of the first half of the book. The second half is for troubleshooting problems and stuff and that didn't apply to my marriage as much.

Some great points I took away:

you marry someone not to complete you but to complement you. Both partners need to be whole p
...more
Janelle
This is a terrific book, discussing many aspects of marriage and not just boundary setting. I borrowed it from my local library, but I'd like to buy my own copy so I can read it again and apply it more effectively to my own life.
Scott
Jul 02, 2014 Scott rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: christian
Great book. Highly recommend it. I've avoided reading books on Marriage & Family after being snowed with it during school. Great resource, and works with a variety of concerns and situations. Excellent.
Shiloh
Apr 21, 2008 Shiloh rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Shiloh by: Barry Aho
Shelves: 2013
I like this book better than I thought. It started off a bit vague, but quickly started to come together. It has been probably the best marriage book I've read next to For Women Only.
James Andersen
Oct 13, 2014 James Andersen rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an excellent book that well illustrates not only how your your willingness to put up with the character flaws of another will affect a relationship (whether in marriage or not!), but also how their willingness to put up with your character flaws will affect the same relationship.

Gone are the days of "the quality of the relationship is the responsibility of only one party, YOU," which I never did quite understand, and welcome the day of each party being held responsible for their own acti
...more
Rebecca
Mar 20, 2012 Rebecca rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: brain-power
Note: This book was written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

Another wonderful book by these authors helping us to understand the best way to conduct our lives.

Learn when to say yes and when to say no--to your spouse and to others--to make the most of your marriage Only when a husband and wife know and respect each other's needs, choices, and freedom can they give themselves freely and lovingly to one another. Boundaries are the 'property lines' that define and protect husbands and wiv
...more
Barbara Muro
Oct 12, 2015 Barbara Muro rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
All those things you already know but explained so logically that they seem new. Didn't quite like all the bible references but well, the main message is what counts.
The Book Man
Dec 08, 2014 The Book Man rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I’m glad I own a copy so I can read it again with my future wife and apply it more effectively to my own life. :)
Linda
I loved this book! I do not give five stars to many books, but this book is worth every star. It is what I've been looking for, praying for, and longing for for years. It answers troubling questions, and gives hopeful, helpful, healthy advice to struggling marriages, especially when you have no idea how to fix what's wrong. It should be required reading for every newly married couple, as it would significantly reduce the divorce rate in our churches, if not our country. I highly recommend Bounda ...more
Graeme
Nov 21, 2015 Graeme rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Don't be fooled by my rating. There is a lot of good information in this book. I highly recommend it to anyone who is in a committed relationship or who is ever thinking of it. (It would actually be a four-star rating if Goodreads' system allowed finer grading, like 3.5 or 4.5 stars. Because an "excellent but not perfect" has to be given four stars instead of 4.5, this book has to be given three to keep things fair.)

The book is full of good information and illuminating examples, even if many of
...more
Stinger
Cloud and Townsend have hit a home run with their concept of boundaries. Their writings on this topic have done so much for my personal relationships. Here, they write of the importance and role of boundaries in marriage. What makes the book so enjoyable is the back and forth of marriage boundary principle followed by real life examples, stories of clients the counselors have treated. The most important lesson I've drawn from this book is the need to be proactive and take responsibility for prob ...more
Sheila Gregoire
Jan 02, 2014 Sheila Gregoire rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
What a great book! Cloud and Townsend are so practical yet so biblical, too. Their thesis is that marriage won't get better until we learn not to interrupt the basic pattern of "you reap what you sow". So often in marriage one person does something wrong, but the other person bears the brunt of it. They explain how to get out of this trap and start increasing intimacy--even if it causes conflict initially.
Jennifer
I really liked and found helpful the message of this book. My main takeaway was that the "wronged" person is just as responsible for voicing their feelings as the other person is for not performing wrong actions.

One thing that wasn't clear to me in the book, which I found pretty major (hence only 3 stars), was that they make a big deal of telling you to make sure that the boundaries you set are NOT coming from a punitive or vengeful place. Yes, totally agree.

However, they did not really tell yo
...more
Jamie
Jan 02, 2013 Jamie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I learned a lot from reading this book. They had good stories to illustrate their points as well. I liked their idea that it takes individual people to make a marriage, and that each partner needs to claim their own stuff. No problem is 100% one person and 0% the other. Pretty good stuff.
Gypsy Madre
Apr 11, 2014 Gypsy Madre rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Amazing. It's like a years worth of counseling sessions all for one low price! The wisdom in this book has changed my perspective on my life and is already benefiting my marriage. I am reading it again, amidst all of my of my sticky notes and underlines!
Mindy
Sep 23, 2014 Mindy rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
The only reason I gave this book two stars is because there are some okay stories of couples and how they worked through various things. However, the book just barely gets that second star, because overall its cloying, sanctimonious, religious overtones were an overpowering cologne. For example, the authors constantly take credit for their patients' successful therapy outcomes -- "I was able to show them that these are areas of 'preference,' not right or wrong." Or "We cured her 'workaholism.'" ...more
Chanel
May 28, 2014 Chanel rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed this book. The author provides excellent instructions on how to deal with conflict, how to establish boundaries and how they are important within marriage.

There are several great tools to explore and implement. Excellent!
LY
May 17, 2016 LY rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This was an *amazing* book. I'm not Christian, and nor am I likely to ever be one. In fact, Christian-laced books tend to bother me to no end. However, this book is the exception to the rule. The content was excellent.
Growing up in a family that actively discouraged boundary-setting and being in a work environment that does the same, this book offered a lot of ah-ha moments.
There does seem to be a book that is needed - one that addresses the gap between no boundaries to boundary-setting. That
...more
Lynn Joshua
Mar 07, 2016 Lynn Joshua rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Highly recommended, especially to those who have been brought up with a traditional understanding of marriage roles. This study provides a much needed balance.
Angie
Jan 15, 2014 Angie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The principles in this book helped to change the dynamics of my marriage for the better!
Erin Henry
Feb 05, 2014 Erin Henry rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Not sure why this book isn't a part of every premarital counseling.
Jenny
May 24, 2014 Jenny rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: kindle, 2014
Better than a year of marriage counseling.
Matthew Parks
This is a hard book to rate for me. I love it and at the same time feel meh about it.

Disclaimer - I have not read the original Boundaries book.

There are so many good principles here and awesome quotes! Just for the quotes alone this book is worth the read!

I guess I just feel like there's a bit of mixed messages in this book. They try to really emphasize great things like:

* The need to set boundaries only on yourself, not on other people
* To not misuse boundaries to try to control someone or to h
...more
John Mansell
Not too many novel ideas from the Boundaries book. But it was good to hear them put in the context of what they look like in marriage. I strongly recommend reading "Boundaries" by the same author.

He obviously has a TON of wisdom from counseling couples for so many years, and from being in marriage himself. Its most likely that I am underwhelmed with this book because I've only been married for one year. Perhaps I'll find it life changing when I have 20 years of marriage.
Teri Dona
Sep 12, 2015 Teri Dona rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this book as a possible tune-up or refresher course, so to speak, for a marriage that brings us both very much joy already. In reading the various scenarios, I was able to make peace with many old hurts from previous relationships and to see my part in their demise as well. Some of the cases were almost verbatim stories I had either experienced myself or heard from others: right on! I wish I had read this book 20 years ago, as I can see how ignorant I truly was about boundaries: what they ...more
Jim Anderson
Jan 22, 2016 Jim Anderson rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audible-com
I will write a review upon completing this book.

I would like to share my thoughts why I am reading Boundaries in Marriage.I believe this book Boundaries in Marriage is the cream of the subject on Boundaries. I recommend all, especially men, reading and studying this book.

I decided to read all three books written by these authors on the subject of boundaries. I first read Boundaries in Dating, then Boundaries. I have observed most of their books if not all cover Boundaries especially the book S
...more
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  • The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate
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  • Happily Ever After: Six Secrets to a Successful Marriage
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  • Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti
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Dr. Cloud has written or co-written twenty-five books, including the two million-seller Boundaries. His most recent books are Boundaries for Leaders and Necessary Endings. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards, and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.

As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public semina
...more
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“You get what you tolerate.” 21 likes
“God's solution for "I can't live that way anymore" is basically, "Good! Don't live that way anymore. Set firm limits against evil behavior that are designed to promote change and redemption. Get the love and support you need from other places to take the kind of stance that I do to help redeem relationship. Suffer long, but suffer in the right way." And when done God's way, chances are much better for redemption.” 14 likes
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