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Shades of Gray

4.18 of 5 stars 4.18 · rating details · 2,330 ratings · 238 reviews

Miller Sutton, a by-the-book FBI agent, is starting to see some troubling shades of gray in his black-and-white world. He comes face-to-face with his doubts in the person of Danny Butler, a mid-level drug runner Miller hopes to use to catch a much larger fish: Roberto Hinestroza, a drug lord Miller has pursued for years. Danny has no interest in being a witness against his...more

ebook, 246 pages

Published October 19th 2009 by Dreamspinner Press (first published October 1st 2009)

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The Best of Gay Romance

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Nov 19, 2011 Lauraadriana rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: angsty, bss-group-read, favorites, re-read

So after my fifth read I felt I should write a review that does this book (or how much I FRIGGIN LOVE IT!) justice. To start I'll say, that yes this book is not perfect, there are things that are far fetched, some are unlikely for the premise of the book, but I don't care! I LOVE IT! I come back to it time after time, because Danny and Miller are just such special characters to me. This book was an early M/M read, and it has not lost its charm one bit. It can still make me smile, cry and curl my...more So after my fifth read I felt I should write a review that does this book (or how much I FRIGGIN LOVE IT!) justice. To start I'll say, that yes this book is not perfect, there are things that are far fetched, some are unlikely for the premise of the book, but I don't care! I LOVE IT! I come back to it time after time, because Danny and Miller are just such special characters to me. This book was an early M/M read, and it has not lost its charm one bit. It can still make me smile, cry and curl my toes and leave me DESPERATELY in love with the main characters.

Danny Butler is a man whose poor life choices have finally caught up with him, and the reckoning is coming from the hand of Special Agent Miller Sutton. Danny has lead a hard life of crime, prison time, yet he can still open himself to love without reservations, and with a guilessnes and wonder that is just beautiful. His character just steals my heart. Every. Single. Time.

Miller is a man who has built a life on lies, mostly to himself about his desires, who he is, what he wants. And those lies they can't hold up anymore, because in the presence of Danny. He can literally do nothing but fall.

This book has a simple plot for all its FBI Agent/Criminal Saga premise, because what it is, its about love, how to let it take you, how to keep it, how to earn it and how to give it. Danny and Miller together are intense and amazing. Danny holds NOTHING back, he is there, all of him, and Miller, he's just in awe that something so beautiful can be possible with another person.

This book is so special to me, What is it about Danny and Miller that just draws me back? Why do I love this book so much?...I think Danny's words say it best...

"why's it so goddamn good?" He was surprised at how full his voice sounded, so close to overflowing its steady banks.
Danny stroked his hair, his lips warm against Miller's cheek. "Because it's us, Miller," he whispered. "Because it's us." It REALLY IS them.

It probably won't be too long before I'm back reading about Danny and Miller and listeting to their song on a loop the whole time...SIGHS. I LOVE THIS BOOK. Still one of my all time favorite endings.

RECOMMEND!!!

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27 likes · like · see review

Apr 29, 2013 Ingela rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: a-must-read-loved-by-me, in-my-kindle, romance-m-m, romance-suspense

Absolutely wonderful - I just love everything about this great m/m novel - 5 Brilliant Stars

This is a book that left me still panting with exertion when the last page was read. It was full speed from the first page, so much desire, tenderness and fear to not be enough to be loved. At times I was so scared and worried - was there any possibility of eternal happiness and a life together for them? A reading I greatly enjoyed. Highly recommended!

Griffin Miller, an FBI agent has come to the police de...more

9 likes · like · see review

Dec 01, 2011 Mel rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Zero at the Bone lovers

Recommended to Mel by: Lauraadriana

Shelves: e-book, m-m

I tried to like this, I really did, but oh my God, the melodrama! At a certain point I was imagining violins in the background and my inner reading voice relaying the story with a constant sobby infliction... No, this story wasn't for me.

I wanted to say it started well enough, but it didn't actually. No drama there, I'll give you that, but the whole premise of the story is based on one huge suspension of disbelief. And I know, I know: it's fiction; logic has a lot of leeway here, but really: I'...more I tried to like this, I really did, but oh my God, the melodrama! At a certain point I was imagining violins in the background and my inner reading voice relaying the story with a constant sobby infliction... No, this story wasn't for me.

I wanted to say it started well enough, but it didn't actually. No drama there, I'll give you that, but the whole premise of the story is based on one huge suspension of disbelief. And I know, I know: it's fiction; logic has a lot of leeway here, but really: I'd like to not forfeit my common sense while reading.

Another peeve was the author's style of instantly telling us all about the characters. Upon meeting them we knew Danny was a good guy in a bad world who had morality issues, Miller was a frustrated straight-(ha!)edger who was bored with his life, Rachel was a predictable, dull vanilla girl, etcetera.
I personally don't like being told everything about characters at first sight. I like to get to know them, learn more about them as the story unfolds, have the chance to form my own opinions. To me this makes for more well drawn, layered characters, whereas McKinley's writing style has the danger of making her characters seem flat. She barely avoided that with the main characters but the secondaries were pretty one dimensional, especially the women with their pearl necklaces and sugar pink fingernails, and the bad guys who were downright caricatures.

As the story progressed the suspense plot became more unrealistic and the romance plot more sappy. Danny and Miller acted liked women. No, wait: they acted like women in romance novels. Because no real chick thinks and talks and acts like that, come on!

Besides the contents, McKinley's prose ups the sap factor. The guys don't shout, they scream, they talk with hurt in their voices and despair in their eyes, they draw shaky breaths, they choke and wince constantly.

The characters, the plot... it was bad action movie meets soap opera. With a lot of sap to top it off. The story got slightly better towards the ending, but all in all: this was not for me.
2,5 stars. (less)

16 likes · like · see review

Dec 11, 2012 Rain ~miss kinky knickers~ rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, adult, tattooed-hotties

"Good and evil, right and wrong, innocent and guilty. Stay in the right box and it would all work out in the end."

...or would it?

So, is this book perfect? No.
Is it the best story ever? No.
Does it have flaws? Hell, yes!
But... what's most important - I don't give a damn! It made me laugh, cry, want to hug those two, and - definitely - slap some sense into them occasionally. No way could I, after all that, go for less than five shining stars!

Unfortunately, I never seem to manage to write a decent...more

12 likes · like · see review

Jun 17, 2010 Ridley rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: People who liked Zero at the Bone but found the story execution a bit flawed.

Shelves: 5-star, read-2010, ebook, favorites, m-m

I know it's not fair to compare this book to Zero at the Bone, but, I can't help it. It's sort of a similar storyline. Where I think Zero was a bit more ambitious, in the end I thought it bit off more than it could chew. Shades of Gray takes a smaller bite and is a bit more graceful about it as a result.

The book opens with Danny Butler sweating, and bleeding, it out while waiting alone in a police interrogation room. A cop pulled him over for running a red light and bags him on a weapons charge,...more I know it's not fair to compare this book to Zero at the Bone, but, I can't help it. It's sort of a similar storyline. Where I think Zero was a bit more ambitious, in the end I thought it bit off more than it could chew. Shades of Gray takes a smaller bite and is a bit more graceful about it as a result.

The book opens with Danny Butler sweating, and bleeding, it out while waiting alone in a police interrogation room. A cop pulled him over for running a red light and bags him on a weapons charge, dragging him through a broken window in the process, leaving him bloodied and looking at a long stint in federal prison. He's a career criminal. In the fourteen years since he joined Roberto Hinestroza's international drug smuggling enterprise at 18, he's risen up the ranks and is currently a mid-level drug runner. He's no stranger to the federal prison system, and he's not at all eager to head back, but he's even less eager to roll over on Mr. Hinestroza and take a deal with the FBI. Not only is he afraid of getting killed, he has a sense of loyalty towards the drug lord that he's not ready to abandon.

FBI Special Agent Miller Sutton wants Danny to take this deal, and he's not above playing dirty to get what he wants. He's been on Hinestroza's case for three years, following Danny for over half a year, so he pushes and pulls to get what he wants, implying that he'd let Hinestroza think Danny's working with the Feds even if Danny turned him down. He knows he's being a dick, that he's placing this guy in mortal danger, but that's just what he does. He's with the Good Guys. Sad for Miller that he's not sure he believes his own propaganda anymore. He wins a deal from Danny, so why doesn't he feel like a winner?

Though the plot is centered by Danny informing on his boss, outrunning a hitman and the like, it's not really a romantic suspense. It's more of a character study than anything else. As Miller babysits Danny in a secure apartment, they talk and form a friendship. Approval-starved Danny is attracted to the good in Special Agent Miller Sutton. Closeted Miller, stressed out by living a carefully guarded lie, is mesmerized by the impulsive, comfortably gay Danny. They're clearly attracted to each other early on, but just how would a FBI agent and a drug runner hook up?

I found the romance gritty, but entirely realistic. Not in the way that this is how any of my friends have met their better half, but that if an FBI agent were to hook up with an ex-felon informant, this is a completely plausible how. I mean, what they're doing breaks all their rules. So why? Why these two? Why now?

McKinley's superior characterization answered those questions for me. Through dialog, POV prose and bits of deep POV flashback, we get the full picture of both lead characters and what made them who they are today. Both have a character arc that spans the length of the book. Both are sympathetic, but with flaws and bad decisions aplenty. At the beginning, it seems a bit like Miller is the good guy and Danny the bad guy. But the more we find out about the both of them, the more decisions they make, the more those lines blur.

It's hard to offer examples of the characters without giving away crucial bits of plot. Both plot and character are closely intertwined and paced perfectly. Suffice to say, I could see how Miller could feel so overwhelmed by his life perched upon one lie after another that Danny was the straw to break the camel's back and make him throw everything away and start over. I could also see how maybe Miller needed to do it this way, so that he'd have no way to go back to how he'd been living before even if he wanted to. Those actions and decisions, I thought, turned him into a man only someone like Danny, who is well acquainted with how easily people can screw their lives up, could understand. By the end, Danny has begun to acknowledge the good inside him and live with it, while Miller is just getting used to living with his darkness.

I'm doing a bad job of reviewing this. I can never decently review a five star book. They've got a magic quality to their storytelling that I can never quite adequately describe. But, to sum it up, this was a great character-driven romantic suspense in which the characters personalities, gender and sexuality all played a major role in the plot. Both men acted like men; neither could have been replaced by a heroine and kept this plot. It was a story that could only be told within a m/m framework. It's a rare book that makes me want to re-read it so soon after finishing it.
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22 likes · like · see review

Oct 15, 2012 Breann rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Breann by: Barb

Shelves: gang-bang-read, poilce-military, m-m, romantic-suspense, favorites, oh-the-angst, enemies-to-lovers

“That’s the best you can hope for, Danny. That your life turns out like that patchwork quilt. That you add some bright, sparkling pieces to the dirty stained ones you’ve got so far. That in the end, the bright patches might take up more spaces on your quilt than the dark ones.”

Danny Butler is a man who is unknowingly being watched by the FBI. Miller Sutton has been biding his time waiting for the opportunity to arrest Danny. Danny is an employee of a drug-lord, Roberto Hinestroza, and could be a...more “That’s the best you can hope for, Danny. That your life turns out like that patchwork quilt. That you add some bright, sparkling pieces to the dirty stained ones you’ve got so far. That in the end, the bright patches might take up more spaces on your quilt than the dark ones.”

Danny Butler is a man who is unknowingly being watched by the FBI. Miller Sutton has been biding his time waiting for the opportunity to arrest Danny. Danny is an employee of a drug-lord, Roberto Hinestroza, and could be a key witness for Miller to finally nail him. Once Miller has Danny, he offers Danny a deal he can’t refuse and the two men are forced to depend on each other for survival.

Aside from being an intense romantic suspense novel this book is about acceptance. Accepting your past sins, accepting who you are and accepting those you love. The romance between these two men was beautiful to witness. With Miller being so confused by his feelings of compassion and arousal of not only a criminal, but a man. Then Danny not being able to accept his past and the things he’s done. Danny is convinced that he’s not deserving of straight-laced cop, Miller. On the same note, Miller only sees in black and white. You’re either a good guy, or you’re not. He’s learning, not only to accept himself as a gay man, but as a man who loves a criminal. A criminal who lives in that gray area Miller refuses to admit exists. They both had internal struggles to overcome before they were really able to be together. It was heartbreaking to read. It was important for them to accept themselves and come to terms with their lives on their own. I appreciated that they recognized that this needed to happen for themselves, and not a significant other.

“I’ve spent my whole life jumping from one bad choice to the next. Choosing this, with you, is probably the only decision I’ve ever been proud of making.”

I love when authors can create wonderful erotica without being explicit. There was so much sexual tension and when they finally were together it was full of love and passion and just beautifully erotic. Perfect. I loved these two men, who have been so hardened by life and the circumstances they were dealt, being so comforting, understanding, patient, sweet, sexy and just plain loving towards each other.

”It felt like more than sex, more than release. It felt like the answer to every question he’d ever dare to ask.”
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4 likes · like · see review

Feb 03, 2011 Beanbag Love rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: friends who like m/m romance/suspense

This book gets much better at around the 60% mark. I wasn't feeling the chemistry at first, and the whole attraction felt forced. It wasn't until later that it felt real.

Danny Butler and Miller Sutton are forced to spend their time together -- 24/7 -- thanks to Miller's investigation into Danny's boss, an infamous drug kingpin. Danny's been forced into a situation where he's going to have to testify against the crime boss and Miller has to protect him.

Once the real romance starts, the two mesh...more

6 likes · like · see review

Apr 27, 2013 Bev rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: priority-read, favorites, gfy, in-the-closet, m-m, buddy-read, total-keepers, waterworks-alert

Buddy read with my mates Gina and Tina. Wow, what an amazing book, I loved it!!

I'm not going to do a long review....lots of other people have quite rightly given this one 5 stars and a full review. To my mind, all sorts of adjectives can be applied to the people in this book, and to the general mood created by the author....tense, gripping, compelling, breathtaking, violent, psychopathic, vicious, hot, sexy....I could go on but won't.

Danny, I liked right from the start, and yes, I know he wa...more

13 likes · like · see review

Apr 30, 2013 Tina rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: buddy-reads, mm-crime

Buddy read with my friends Gina and Bev.

I really loved the book. A lot!

It's about Miller Sutton, a FBI agent who comes face to face with his doubts in his black and white world when he starts to interrogate Danny Butler, a drug runner. Miller hopes to catch a much larger fish: Roberto Hinestroza, a drug lord. Miller is surprised to discover Danny is not the career-criminal he expected. At the same time Danny finds himself helplessly attracted to Miller. They barely begin to explore the attract...more

6 likes · like · see review

Sep 24, 2011 Christina rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m-romance, crime, mystery, coming-out

I really liked this book. The plot revolves around the relationship between Danny, a convicted criminal and Miller, an FBI agent. Miller is assigned to protect Danny from his drug boss who is trying to kill him. During this time both men battle their own internal demons. Danny has to come to terms with the people from his past that have hurt him and in turn the people he has hurt. Miller has to come to terms with his own feelings that are buried so deep he doesn't even recognize his life anymore...more

4 likes · like · see review

Jan 25, 2010 Kris rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: contemporary, m-m-romance, some-recommended-reads, action-thriller, the-tasting-from-my-blog

The Super Mini: A very engrossing work with flawed and complex, but still engaging, heroes. Even my issues with italicised text and flashbacks fell by the wayside given my fascination with the development of the relationship between these two unique characters, which was also a compelling exploration of the shades of grey in life. A thoroughly recommended read.

My Tasting:

Why I bought it:

I was hooked by Kassa's review: http://kassa-rvws.livejournal.com/711...

Dislike/like (ending on a high note):

D...more The Super Mini: A very engrossing work with flawed and complex, but still engaging, heroes. Even my issues with italicised text and flashbacks fell by the wayside given my fascination with the development of the relationship between these two unique characters, which was also a compelling exploration of the shades of grey in life. A thoroughly recommended read.

My Tasting:

Why I bought it:

I was hooked by Kassa's review: http://kassa-rvws.livejournal.com/711...

Dislike/like (ending on a high note):

Dislike~ It has flashbacks AND they were in italics! Those of you who've been hanging around here for a while know how I feel about them. *sigh* In all serious, though, my fascination with the development of the characters and their relationship meant my gut reaction to the use of the flashback fell by the way side. Quite frankly, I was too engrossed to give a toss. Proof that a good author can make it work.

Like~ Some of the best characterisation that I have been privileged to read. If you are a character-ho like me, I would suggest you read Shades of Gray for this aspect alone. Every inch of the plot - yes, including the flashbacks - has been tightly crafted so as to allow the reader increasing insight into the protags, in particular their motivations. Stereotypes are broken down to reveal flawed and complex men and it is all perfectly paced. Extremely impressive stuff.

Dislike~ The story does touch upon the issue of infidelity, which, again, is something that causes me to stumble because of my personal bias against the act. Having said that, the way the author dealt with it did make it more convincing for me because it was associated with Miller's denial then growing acceptance of his sexuality.

Like~ As the story progresses so to does the exploration of the concept of the lives of the cast of characters being made up of shades of gray. This made for an intensely compelling read that challenges the so-called 'truths' of right and wrong, black and white.

So, what I think: A very gritty and consuming work featuring flawed and complex, but still engaging, protags and superb characterisation. I thoroughly recommend it.

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‘Tasting’ is my version of a mini-review where I talk a (very) little about what I liked and disliked about a book as well as who I think the story will appeal to. Oh, and I’ve added a bit about why I picked up the book in the first place – sometimes this can be interesting to know.(less)

7 likes · like · see review

Jun 28, 2010 Smokinhotbooks K.C. rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 5-star-books, m-m

At first glance reading the blurb I said 'no thanks, moving on'. A drug addict turned state witness from the Mexican mob is not my usual cup of man love tea. But, after reading so many great reviews I decided to 'man up' and buy Shades of Gray.

I love when I am proved wrong - in my book life, not real life.

Shades of Gray is just plain awesome. The author did a wonderful job of writing Danny who is not your run of the mill squeaky clean hero. It takes a lot of skill to endear me to such a shady c...more

5 likes · like · see review

Feb 15, 2013 DaisyGirl rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: genre-romance, i-own, m-m, other-made_me_cry, other-steamy, romance-police-fbi, romance-suspense

4.0 Stars

Without warning he grabbed Danny's arms, spinning him to face the wall, pushing up behind him roughly.
"Miller, what... uh... Jesus," Danny groaned, his hands flexing on the smooth walls as Miller ran his tongue down his back, following the curves of the snake tattoo coiled between Danny's shoulder blades.

Holy hotness! Miller Sutton is a by-the-book FBI agent who has made it his life’s mission to put Roberto Hinestroza, a drug lord, behind bars. In furtherance of these efforts, Miller i...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jun 13, 2012 Hannah rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebooks-i-own, contemporary, male-male-romance, read-2012, romance, romantic-suspense

Sometimes when I read romance novels, I get so deeply invested in the central characters that I don't care what happens to them, or what they lose along the way, just so long as they get to be together in the end. When two characters take on the world together and rebuild it according to their own rules, it makes me want to stand up and cheer. I love that kind of story.

This is not that kind of story.

This is the story of how the world takes two already-broken individuals, chews on them for a whi...more Sometimes when I read romance novels, I get so deeply invested in the central characters that I don't care what happens to them, or what they lose along the way, just so long as they get to be together in the end. When two characters take on the world together and rebuild it according to their own rules, it makes me want to stand up and cheer. I love that kind of story.

This is not that kind of story.

This is the story of how the world takes two already-broken individuals, chews on them for a while, then spits them out again. That kind of story definitely has its place, but it feels uneasy within the skin of a romance. Yes, the characters get their happy ending, but it feels forced. Unnatural. There's a difference between hard-won happy endings, or even bittersweet endings, and incongruous endings. Ultimately, I don't believe that these two characters will last together. They are both too broken and too inwardly-focused to survive as a couple.

Too much of this novel feels like exactly what it was originally - melodramatic, self-indulgent fan fiction. Too often, the author substitutes angst for actual character development. In spite of paragraph upon paragraph of lengthy internal monologue, I never really felt connected to these characters. I never felt like I actually got to know them. Sometimes, the characters' woe-is-me attitudes got so heavy that I wanted to either laugh out loud or check whether I had picked up a piece of YA fiction by mistake.

Another thing that really bugged me about this novel were the flashbacks. There is a flashback in nearly every chapter. I hate flashbacks. They disrupt the flow of the narrative and give the reader the opportunity to tune out completely for a while. I have to force myself to read flashback scenes instead of skim over them. Personally, I consider them to be examples of lazy writing. There are better, less distracting ways to reveal background information.

In spite of all the forgoing complaints, however, this novel does have an engaging story at its core. Take away all the excessive angst, the flashbacks, the uneven character development, and you have an exciting plot combined with a refreshingly complex worldview. I like the novel's central message that when it comes to human nature, there is no black and white. There are only shades of gray. I have to hand it to Brooke McKinley: she managed to get this point across very effectively. I wasn't surprised to learn that she was a former criminal defense attorney. It seemed to fit the story and the characters, and it explains why Danny, an ex-con, is a more vibrant, accessible character than the two-dimensional Miller, an FBI agent. I just wish Ms. McKinley could have sold me on the relationship itself and the eventual resolution of the story.
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Sep 09, 2011 Ami rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm-romance-or-erotica, mm-cops-detective-guard

So many people compared this to Jane Seville's Zero at the Bone ... since both books have plot about two people find love when on the run. Miller is an FBI agent. Danny is mid-level drug runner. Miller needs to protect Danny since he is essential in breaking the case. And in the process, Miller finds himself questioning who he is, as he feels attracted to Danny.

I really, REALLY enjoy this book. I think what I love the most is the concept of "Shades of Gray" between the two people. Danny might be...more

7 likes · like · see review

May 10, 2013 Sandra rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Sandra by: Ingela

Shelves: m-m

4 lovely stars! “Why," he panted into Danny's neck, "why's it so goddamn good?" He was surprised at how full his voice sounded, so close to overflowing its steady banks. Danny stroked his hair, his lips warm against Miller's cheek. "Because it's us, Miller," he whispered. "Because it's us.”>

I love Danny this amazing story is about a criminal turned informant. And the lost FBI Agent Miller Sutton who sees everything in black and white. Until he has to protect his witness Danny and keep him al...more

5 likes · like · see review

Jan 08, 2011 Nancy L rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, police-fbi-private-eye

I think I like reading about fucked up men who somehow make it work together. I didn't even care that it was a plot driven book with a little bit o'sex. Miller and Danny were flawed but very likeable. The plot could have been based on a true story which made it all the better to read because it felt real.

3 likes · like · see review

Jan 08, 2013 Kukko rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm-countdown-challenge, mm-whips-and-kisses, 1-app-kindle, a-2b-gay-for-you, a-contemporary, a-erotic, a-romance, a-suspense, character-criminal, character-law-enforcement, sex-mix-m-m, z-2013

I really enjoyed this unfortunately titled book - unfortunate because despite the "a" in gray it never tops a search list...

There are many lessons in this story - the main one is that life involves a series of choices and that some of these choices are not between right and wrong but between "right..can't do it!" and "wrong..so what...doing it anyway!" (i.e. more between shades of grey than between black and white). The other message in the story is that sometimes we have to make choices that ar...more

1 like · like · see review

Nov 27, 2012 Mark rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: gay-fiction, crime-and-thrillers, absolutely-fabulous

WHAT A TRULY AWESOME BOOK!!!! I'm sat here trying to write a review after being left breathless from a real rollercoaster ride of emotion. It's not very often a book keeps me up past my bedtime curfew, but I couldn't put this book down and ended up reading until the wee hours of the morning. Will definitely regret that at work today lol!

What I loved about this book? It's passionate, but not too soppy. The feelings for me were very real. Two guys battling against very different backgrounds and hi...more

10 likes · like · see review

Mar 20, 2011 xbmbgrl rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

How damaged can you become by trying to do the right thing while suppressing your most secret desires no matter the cost?

How can you find redemption after one wrong decision leads to a life that you may not have chosen at the time, but is all you know now?

Danny Cutler, a mid-level drug runner, and Miller Sutton, mid-level FBI agent, meet at what could be termed the perfect storm of their life. Miller has begun questioning his impersonal approach and the ethics involved with bringing down crime...more How damaged can you become by trying to do the right thing while suppressing your most secret desires no matter the cost?

How can you find redemption after one wrong decision leads to a life that you may not have chosen at the time, but is all you know now?

Danny Cutler, a mid-level drug runner, and Miller Sutton, mid-level FBI agent, meet at what could be termed the perfect storm of their life. Miller has begun questioning his impersonal approach and the ethics involved with bringing down crime lords. Danny is not interested in being an informant but is blackmailed into it, and soon has no choice but to continue on the path he chose.

This book was utterly fascinating to read. The thought process for both main characters held me spellbound. Danny loathes how much he prizes the approval from the Drug Kingpin he works for, but recognizes it as a driving force in his life. He has a bigger view of the world than Miller and knows that part of his reluctance to testify is because he doesn’t want to lose that approval. Making anyone proud of him was better than nothing. Miller, who has spent his whole life hiding from personal questions both from the outside world and from his internal psyche, can no longer contain the urges and desire he feels. At the same time, his very black and white world is beginning to form shades of gray that make him extremely uncomfortable. That includes his inability to continue to fight his desire for men ... Danny in particular.

This is not an easy story. Told in real time and as unfolding memories for both men but mostly Danny, I found myself absorbed in the lives these men lead prior to meeting. As you can imagine, any story involving drugs, hit men, FBI, ex-wives, fiances, friends, colleagues, district attorneys, cell mates, ex-lovers and a plethora of underlying social, economic and ethical threads is bound to make you think. Since all of the people in Miller’s life have a one-dimensional view of him, when he reacts emotionally for the first time, he becomes three dimensional to those around him. This happens in ways that are so surprising to everyone, including Miller, that only life changing decisions can come from that discovery. When Danny realizes he is more than just the mistakes in his past, he is able to see himself in a more realistic and forgiving way.

While Miller and Danny battle their demons and work together to save themselves, they also find that they completely lose themselves in ways never anticipated. I cried and cried during some of the internal ramblings and confessions they made to themselves and to each other. I haven’t read a book where I wanted the two men to find a way back to each other this badly for a long time.

Another wonderful aspect is that the ending isn’t overly easy. There is no 'magic bullet’ that solves all their problems and sets them up to ride off into the sunset with no more worries or cares. The resolutions to the bigger issues are realistic and the final pages are cathartic without being saccharin.

In addition to the wonderful story telling, there is also some very erotically written but sensual scenes between these men as well.

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Jun 27, 2011 Paola rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favourite, owned-as-ebook

I have read many great gay love stories over the years, in different genres, settings, literary styles, but Shades of Gray is definitely among the best ones, for its believable, focused, gripping plot, its realistic and elegant character portrayal, where the main as well as the secondary characters all engage the reader's attention and emotions through their physical and emotional journey.
Despite the gripping plot, it's ultimately the character development what makes this novel stand out. There...more

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Apr 23, 2013 ARe Cafe rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: vals-picks

Shades of Gray by Brooke McKinley is an m/m mystery thriller that takes place in the Midwestern United States. This substantial and complex story should draw a sigh of relief from those readers who find much of m/m fiction to be rushed and superficial. Its tone is often dark and wrenching, which should especially appeal to those who love angst, but the drama fits this serious, character-driven piece.

It’s not just a love story but also a painful coming-out experience for the deeply closeted FBI a...more Shades of Gray by Brooke McKinley is an m/m mystery thriller that takes place in the Midwestern United States. This substantial and complex story should draw a sigh of relief from those readers who find much of m/m fiction to be rushed and superficial. Its tone is often dark and wrenching, which should especially appeal to those who love angst, but the drama fits this serious, character-driven piece.

It’s not just a love story but also a painful coming-out experience for the deeply closeted FBI agent, Miller. It addition, the narrative explores the anguish of his love interest Danny, also his confidential informant, who struggles with displaced feelings of filial loyalty for the drug lord who first lured him into the criminal underworld.

The author anchors the story in vivid, insider-type details pertaining to law enforcement and criminal law. What especially impressed me is that she continues the story past the usual threat-and-rescue scenario where most m/m thrillers wrap up.

Here, she deals with the aftermath, which involves major character development, separation, and soul-searching as Miller and Danny try to find a way back to each other.

The story opens in Danny’s viewpoint as he waits in an interrogation room, bleeding from a serious wound. He knows the FBI is watching him through a two-way mirror. Soon a cold and foreboding agent (Miller) arrives to make him an offer he can’t refuse. He must work with them as a confidential informant to bring down a drug lord named Hinestroza. If he refuses, they’ll toss him in prison and spread the rumor he informed anyway, which will lead to his swift demise.

Danny reluctantly takes the offer and ends up under FBI protection in a safe house with Miller who serves as his connection to the outside world. Danny’s exuberant charm soon triggers Miller’s repressed homosexual desires as well as his empathy, which is starting to interfere with his ability to do his job. When a sadistic hit man comes after Danny, it sets into motion a chain of events that will shatter both men’s lives. It will take all their inner strength to come to terms with their new existences and a possible future together.

Val for AReCafe(less)

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Oct 25, 2012 Charly rated it 5 of 5 stars

Plot and romance expertly combined

Warning: This review might contain what some people consider SPOILERS.

Rating: 9/10

PROS:
- Right from the start, the storyline seemed familiar to me. I’ve read other stories with one or more elements that are similar to this one (Miles to Go, Zero at the Bone, Warrior’s Cross), so the author had to work rather hard at truly catching my attention. She did, though: the interrogation in the first chapter does a good enough job of setting up both the plotline and th...more Plot and romance expertly combined

Warning: This review might contain what some people consider SPOILERS.

Rating: 9/10

PROS:
- Right from the start, the storyline seemed familiar to me. I’ve read other stories with one or more elements that are similar to this one (Miles to Go, Zero at the Bone, Warrior’s Cross), so the author had to work rather hard at truly catching my attention. She did, though: the interrogation in the first chapter does a good enough job of setting up both the plotline and the characters’ basic personalities that I was interested from then on.
- The plot seemed believable to me and included details about aspects of the men’s lives that I had never thought about before. Also, the romance and the plot are woven together nicely; neither one detracts from the other. Emotions arising from the men’s growing attachment sometimes lead to developments in the plot, and developments in the plot complicate and strengthen the relationship.
- It’s interesting how the relationship in the book evolves: not just from friendship into love or even enemies to friends to love. Miller has been following Danny’s life for so long for his job that he quickly develops a fierce possessive (slash protective) feeling toward Danny, and that’s where the love springs from. And once the attachment forms, it’s clear that this is a serious romance--the deep and lasting kind.
- The characterization is solid and complex. We see not just events from the men’s pasts, but also how they reacted to those events and how their personalities were formed as teenagers and evolved based on their later experiences. I also found it refreshing to see Miller’s moments of self-doubt and worry. McKinley does an excellent job of showing the moral complexities of living as a law enforcement officer but finding oneself identifying with a criminal.

CONS:
- There are a couple of scenes of torture that are difficult to read.
- One of the things that bothers me the most about books is when there’s something a little wonky about the point(s) of view from which the story is told…POV that switches from one character’s head to the next within a single scene, for instance, or a lot of time spent in the heads of secondary characters. The POV techniques in this story are pretty solid, for the most part. Except that for almost the first half of the book, we’re alternating between the heads of the two main guys, and then approximately 40 percent of the way in, the author suddenly starts throwing in scenes from other characters’ perspectives.

Overall comments: I thought this was incredibly good. The plot is fast-paced yet no part of the story seems rushed, and the sex is intense and passionate. The characters are well-formed and believable, and they really are all about the shades of gray in this story: there’s no absolute wrong or right, good or evil. The men are complicated, and although the plot is certainly solid, it’s the complications in the characters that make the story so good.(less)

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Oct 22, 2011 Anncleire rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: netgalley, gayromance, hot-stuff, i-can-t-stop-to-think-about, real-life

“Shades of gray” è un gioiellino che si nascondeva tra i libri richiesti e mai letti perché trascinata da altro ma finalmente ho trovato la voglia di leggerlo e davvero è meraviglioso.

Miller Sutton è un agente dell’FBI che si trova ad investigare su Hinestroza uno di quegli uomini che posseggono un cartello della droga, cocaina per essere precisi. Per incastrarlo per nove mesi ha seguito e scoperto ogni particolare della vita di Danny Butler un corriere che distribuisce le partite di cocaina agl...more “Shades of gray” è un gioiellino che si nascondeva tra i libri richiesti e mai letti perché trascinata da altro ma finalmente ho trovato la voglia di leggerlo e davvero è meraviglioso.

Miller Sutton è un agente dell’FBI che si trova ad investigare su Hinestroza uno di quegli uomini che posseggono un cartello della droga, cocaina per essere precisi. Per incastrarlo per nove mesi ha seguito e scoperto ogni particolare della vita di Danny Butler un corriere che distribuisce le partite di cocaina agli spacciatori, uno degli uomini più fidati di Hinestroza. Finalmente riesce a mettergli le mani addosso e lo costringe a collaborare con l’FBI per incastrare il malvivente che si nasconde in Colombia. Riluttante Danny si vede costretto ad accettare mettendo in pericolo la propria vita, fino a quando Miller e Danny sono costretti a nascondersi in un appartamento dove l’agente può proteggere il suo testimone. Tra i due si instaura un rapporto strano, fatto di complicità, alimentato dall’attrazione e che sfocia in una passione difficile da gestire. Ma si trovano nel pieno di un indagine, sono completamente diversi e in realtà si trovano dalle parti opposte della barricata, ma non possono sottrarsi al sentimento che nasce tra loro. Entrambi devono combattere i propri demoni per poter essere felici.

Miller è un uomo tutto d’un pezzo all’inizio. Convinto di far parte dei buoni, i good guys che lottano per la giustizia senza esitare mai. Per anni ha represso tutte le sue emozioni più vere, tutte le domande che lo hanno tempestato, nascondendole sotto allenamenti, interrogatori, indagini. Ma più si avvicinava allo scoprire la verità, più avvertiva quel vuoto interiore che neanche la sua fidanzata Rachel riusciva a colmare. Delegare al domani quello che si può fare oggi, investire tre anni in un indagine che lo coinvolge in modo definitivo è l’unico modo che vede per non pensare, per non dar voce a quei pensieri che lo tormentano. Ma l’incontro con Danny è decisivo ma soprattutto definitivo. Dopo aver compiuto quel passo non può più tornare indietro e deve fare i conti con le conseguenze. Conseguenze che si ripercuotono a tutti i livelli. Perché non solo si scopre gay, accettandosi per quello che è, ma capisce anche che ogni aspetto della propria vita era stato una sorta di menzogna meschina. Perché si era sempre negato un sentimento autentico e quel piacere “mind-blowing” del sesso. E l’esperienza piena, non solo quella fisica, riescono a dargli una nuova percezione del mondo.

Danny invece è un uomo spaccato in mille pezzi, che si porta dietro un bagaglio emotivo senza precedenti, pieno di sofferenza e rimpianti. Una famiglia che lo ha sempre trattato con disprezzo, un viaggio che dal Kansas lo ha portato in Texas senza mezzi. Un lavoro da schiavo che lo ha spinto direttamente tra le braccia di Hinestroza. Invischiato nel mondo della droga, entrato e uscito di prigione lottando per la sopravvivenza, sulla coscienza uno dei suoi unici amici. È un uomo disperato, con uno oscuro passato e un futuro incerto. Anche lui viene cambiato da Miller, che gli mostra un genere di vita e un amore che non aveva mai conosciuto. Pienamente consapevole della propria omosessualità riesce a giocarci sopra, ma niente di quello che fa con Miller ha secondi fini. Per la prima volta prova un sentimento talmente autentico che lo spinge ad abbandonare il suo stile di vita, ma che soprattutto lo spinge a sacrificare la propria vita così come non aveva mai fatto.

Entrambi i personaggi sono complessi, ricchi di sfumature e ben costruiti. La scrittrice è stata molto brava a creare degli uomini autentici, a tutto tondo. Il continuo cambio di prospettiva, la narrazione è in terza persona ma i punti di vista sono quelli di entrambi, è molto efficace e ci mostra davvero come entrambi siano fragili ma forti e capaci di mettere in gioco tutto. Alcuni capitoli poi si aprono con del flash back sul passato di entrambi che vanno a spiegare delle affermazioni o dei comportamenti e che sono molto ben azzeccati nella progressione della storia. Il racconto è calibrato benissimo, non si corre verso la soluzione, ma non è neanche troppo lento indugiando troppo sulle riflessioni dei protagonisti. C’è romance e azione in una proporzione perfetta.

Quando ho iniziato a leggere “Shades of gray” mi sono detta “Oh no un poliziesco” e io non amo particolarmente il genere e lo evito, ma fin dalle prime righe la McKinley è riuscita a conquistarmi. Non so di preciso come abbia fatto, ma la storia è avvincente, il lettore è costretto a proseguire la lettura, le descrizioni sono accurate, la ricostruzione precisa, non a caso la McKinley ha frequentato la scuola di legge ed è stata un procuratore per dieci anni prima di mettersi a scrivere. E stranamente i personaggi, entrambi uomini, sono molto credibili. E non per l’uso di un linguaggio volgare, in cui c’è una dose abbondante di parolacce, ma perché davvero è riuscita a ricostruire una psiche maschile in modo molto accurato. Tant’è che durante la lettura stentavo a credere che la mano fosse femminile, ero convinta che lo scrittore fosse un uomo.
Il libro poi non è per niente scontato, la storia che nasconde è piena di suspense e incredibilmente vera. I contrasti, gli scambi di idee, i voltafaccia. E soprattutto le lotte interiori che sia Danny che Miller devono affrontare inducono alla riflessione. Il mondo non è bianco o nero, ma c’è anche il grigio. Quelle shades of gray a cui fa riferimento il titolo. Perché nonostante tutto quello che cerchiamo di ripeterci la vita è fatta di compromessi, non si può avere tutto, bisogna scegliere ciò che ci rende felici e poi adattare tutto il resto. Si devono compiere delle scelte, scelte che non sempre sono felici, perché ci privano di una via di uscita o perché cambiano la nostra percezione del mondo. Ma quando siamo ad un passo dal perdere tutto, quando l’unica cosa che conta è la persona che amiamo, ci si sacrifica in modi che non si erano mai creduti possibili.

Ho davvero adorato questo libro e lo consiglio vivamente. Non lasciatevi ingannare. È un libro per tutti, per chi ama l’azione, le indagini investigative e la romance. Stupendo.

E io ringrazio vivamente Netgalley e Dreamspinner Press per avermi fatto scoprire questo gioiello, avermi concesso l’onore di leggerlo e avermi chiesto in cambio solo la mia opinione. Thanks.
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Oct 16, 2011 Tracy rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: m-m-romantic-suspense, non-series-stand-alone-novels, netgalley, arc, favorites

Fantastic
The FBI isn't known for being an agency of free thinkers and sympathetic humanitarians. They are the top dogs in the overcrowded junkyard that is this nation's quagmire of crime and punishment. They serve with prejudice and without compassion against those who break the law. The belief is simple: either you are law-abiding, and therefore have no cause to worry about their existence, or you are not...and worry is the least of your problems.

For years, Agent Miller Sutton had been firmly e...more

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Aug 19, 2011 Lara rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, 5star-d-i-k, law-enforcement, criminal-with-a-heart-of-gold, angst-loving-whore, so-very-sexy, kindle-lendable

Two things dominated my thoughts as I read this book. 1) Danny is too good for Miller and 2) There really is no such thing as black and white. By the end of the novel, my thoughts had mostly changed about the first thing. The second thing got only more true. I know what you are thinking. How could a no account, loser, drug pusher like Danny be too good for a squeaky clean FBI guy? Well, like I said, there really is no black and white. The way that Brooke McKinley writes Danny, he is the one that...more

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Jun 04, 2011 Kaje Harper rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites, m-m

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

6 likes · like · see review

Oct 20, 2010 Kaetrin rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m-romance, ebook, favorites

Excellent book.
Why I read it: I've had this one in my TBR for quite a while now, having picked it up as soon as the review by Sarah Franz went up at DA - her recommendations are (mostly) gold for me. It came fast on the heels of Zero at the Bone which I read first. The storylines sounded similar and I didn't want the two books to "bleed" into each other - so I waited a while. And then I forgot.

What its about: Miller Sutton is an FBI agent on the edge of burnout who wants to nail a drug lord by...more

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Apr 21, 2013 Danielle rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013, cops-fbi-pi, mm

Danny was learning that finding what makes you happy was only the beginning - figuring out how to keep it often proved to be the unreachable destination.

This one made me cry near the end. I did find the book unnecessarily long in some parts and was having a hard tie getting through some bits. The parts I did like though I really liked. I did like that they didn't drag out the "in-the-closet" bit and started their relationship pretty much right away since it took the entire book for them to find...more

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Jan 19, 2010 Seregil rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved how this book combined, in just the right amounts, romance with a good police story (or should we say FBI story? :) ).
It's realistic and not at all a fluffy romance. The main characters are flawed and neither are as black and/or white as they would want to be. The author did a great job of using the yin and yang motif (from the philosophical debates of good/evil to the tatto on one of the characters). The title was excelently chosen. I even liked the cover :)
The two men - the FBI agent a...more

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About Brooke McKinley

Brooke McKinley has always been practical. So after college she continued on to law school instead of pursuing her lifelong dream of writing novels. She didn't stop writing but confined it to scribbles on the edges of yellow legal pads and hurried paragraphs during late-night coffee breaks. After ten interesting and challenging years as a criminal defense attorney, Brooke left the practice of law...more

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Quotes from Shades of Gray

“It's like this old patchwork quilt my momma used to have...Each piece on that quilt meant something. And some of those pieces were the damn ugliest things you've ever seen...But some of the pieces were so beautiful they almost hurt my eyes to look at when I was a kid...That's the best you can hope for, Danny. That your life turns out like that patchwork quilt. That you can add some bright, sparkling pieces to the dirty, stained ones you have so far. That in the end, the bright patches might take up more space on your quilt than the dark ones.” — 60 people liked it

“Why," he panted into Danny's neck, "why's it so goddamn good?" He was surprised at how full his voice sounded, so close to overflowing its steady banks.
Danny stroked his hair, his lips warm against Miller's cheek. "Because it's us, Miller," he whispered. "Because it's us.” — 29 people liked it

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