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Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks

3.51  ·  Rating Details ·  535 Ratings  ·  70 Reviews
Lisa Lampanelli, who Howard Stern calls “a true original and a brilliant comedy mind,” reveals all in Chocolate, Please, a jaw-droppingly hilarious, politically incorrect memoir on everything from relationships, food, and fat to why once you go black, you never go back. The gutter-mouthed, Grammy-nominated comedienne happily dishes on nearly everything—from why all white w ...more
ebook, 304 pages
Published September 15th 2009 by HarperCollins e-books (first published 2009)
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First: I read a review where someone noted that they were very disappointed that there wasn't actually a story about chocolate in the book. Which just made me laugh. There's a bare torso on the cover on the cover of an insult comic who is known for her ravenous love of black men. Whom she affectionately refers to as "chocolate". You have to be kind of dense to get this book and think it might actually be about chocolate, haha.

Last: After reading 2 pages of "Part 5" of the book, I thumbed through
Oct 25, 2009 Bridget rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

For those of you that don't know, I love to laugh! I will laugh at almost anything and everything and I especially love to laugh at myself. I'm the type of person that will trip in the middle of a crowded mall and burst with hyena laughter until I can't breathe. I learned early on to laugh at myself and not take life too seriously. That being said, it shouldn't come as a shock that I adore comedians. I'm a huge fan of Dane Cook, Katt Williams, Dave Chappelle and of course, my all time favorite -
I am always amused and shocked when I see Lisa perform. Her book is just the same. She is one of my favorite stand up comics, and the queen of the roast.
Jul 29, 2009 Jillian rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
The only book cover I have tried to keep hidden on the subway.
Lisa Lampanelli, "Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean," spouts epithets and slurs with mind-numbing rapidity. Her comedy, standing squarely in the middle of the "insult comic" genre, could be easily offensive if one took things personally (or took things personally on behalf of someone else). But where lesser comics use epithets as they're intended, Lampanelli's use of the language sends up everyone, especially the up-tight squares who can't take a joke. Of course, Lampanelli makes this kind of comed ...more
Sep 19, 2012 Shirin rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Continuing with my "let's read books by stand-up comedians", I tried this one on for size. As a peripheral fan of Lisa Lampenelli, I thought this book could be entertaining. It was. Sometimes. But where she regales as the "Queen of Mean", I just read insults for the sake of word count. Her jokes seemed to run more mean for the sake of being mean, or really a bitch, more than roast-esque. In fact, her insults seemed to highlight her own insecurities moreso than her strengths as a comic. Unfortuna ...more
Dec 22, 2014 Marsha rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I’ve never heard of Ms. Lampanelli before reading this book; therefore I came to it completely unbiased and ready for anything. Boy, was I in for it.

Her jokes are rather mean but she doesn’t intend any harm by it. Just skirting the edge of true repulsiveness, her humor takes some getting used to but it’s grounded in reality—more or less. Like a lot of comedians, her humor stems from a difficult childhood. She had to fight for attention because she couldn’t be “perfect” like her siblings and she
Sep 18, 2009 Sheela rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoir, comedy
Lisa Lampanelli, the Lovable Queen of Mean, brings the laughs in this memoir. Known for her roasts, LL is bitingly mean, wicked raunchy and outrageous - kind of like Chelsea Handler on steroids. Similar to Chelsea, LL's book reads more like a stand-up routine, which is great because I'm not familiar with her work. Lines like, "I actually tried to spell-check 'Shaniqua.' The computer suggested that I 'just call that b*tch Sharon'" {referring to ridiculous black names} made me laugh out loud.

On t
I was expecting so much from this book and I was so bummed! I really thought it would be a page turner yet I didn't find it like that at all. This book never really made me want to read more. What I found weird is that when I read it I would laugh, yes it was pretty entertaining but the fact that it wasn't a continuing story made me close it after every laugh. (hope you understand what I mean) I felt the book had many pauses and that made me lose interest, so much that I couldn't finish reading ...more
Jessica Vaughan
Oct 01, 2009 Jessica Vaughan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Fans of Lisa Lampinelli, Artie Lange, Howard Stern and the like
Lisa's a gas - to use an out of date saying - she comes right out with her sweariest swears and never misses a chance to reference her love for the blacks or contempt for the skinny white bitches. I didn't laugh out loud as much as I thought I would, but as it turns out, her story is a little dramatic - there's stints in rehab, weight issues, family issues, religion issues - so sometimes laughing is more of a knowing chuckle than a big honking guffaw.

She does, however, talk a lot about her twat
May 27, 2011 Kristi rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was what I needed after reading the deBecker book. No offense!

If you like Lisa's stand-up act (and I do!) then you'll like this! It's written just like she speaks and it's a hoot. I know from other reviews that people didn't like her delving into her "issues" but that's what makes her LL. All comedians have something that makes them yearn for that laughter and we all have some issues. If you think you don't, then that's your issue!

If you're looking for a politically correct book, this is no
Parts of this are crazy hilarious, other parts boring as hell--didn't give a fuck about her high school years or what her favorite parts of being on celebrity roasts were. I thought that it was pretentious that she quoted her own favorite jokes she made and favorite jokes celebrities made about her......if we were big enough fans, we would have seen the jokes. But there are great stereotypes that are supported in this book and those are one of my favorite types of humor. She makes fun of everyon ...more
Oct 22, 2011 Priani rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I knew going into this book that the author is about as politically INcorrect as they come. However, I still find her extremely funny and made sure not to get offended by her inappropriate opinions. I was greatly disappointed by this book because the title implies a story, of whatever sort, about chocolate. But it ended up being a story about the author's attraction to black men. I didn't even finish it because I'm personally revolted by anyone's preference of one race over others. I couldn't st ...more
I really enjoyed reading this book, although it's not as funny as the #1 queen of mean is in person.

It's nice to learn about her life and why she is the way she is but I really didn't find this book that funny, interesting, just not that funny. I find that's usually the case when comedians write books. there's just something about hearing them on stage that makes it 10 times funnier than in a book.

Maybe listening to these types of books on audio would be better. Who knows, I've never tried and I
Jul 21, 2011 Katie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I knew of Lisa before reading the book, but haven't really followed her career at all, but still enjoying the book is a testament to how good it is. The first half could be my biography...she's a big girl who loves black guys and is adored by gays...hello my life story, but then, like most comedian's memoirs/stories, it gets deeper and darker. For the most part I enjoyed her humor and like the snarky attitude and tone to the book. A good read for big girls and gays. Check it out if you fall into ...more
Jan 08, 2011 Sheryl rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I started out really liking this book, then I got bored somewhere in the middle of the roast chapter. I had to put the book down and read something else then come back to it. When I picked it up the second time it was hilarious all the way to the end. Maybe it was just more comedy than I could take in one sitting. Although I have never actually seen any of her shows, I loved this book and her politically incorrect humor. I would recommend it to people who don't get offended easily.
Mar 17, 2010 Diana rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Ha ha ha ha, LL is one crazy bitch. I love her. So I pretty much thought it was a good read up until the last few chapters when she starts acknowledging her codependency on food and bad men and documents her rehab stints (yes, plural) to deal with these problems. I could have done without the last four chapters (I think?). She is usually chosen by Comedy Central to close the roasts . . . why wouldn't she apply this to her book?

Regardless, ABSOLUTELY still a fan. Love LL!
Jul 29, 2011 Justin rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book is hilarious! LL is funny as crap- so funny I had to change my undees a few times because she made me crap 'em. There are some slow points, but overall Chocolate is a great little memoir. I got the audio book cus stuff like this is always better when read by the author. WARNING: After listening to this book you'll start to forget that constantly telling racist jokes and calling women 'cunts' all the time is, usually, inappropriate. So, watch out for that, bitches.
Jamie Stanley
This book was ok. There were a couple humorous parts. I enjoyed the parts where she spoke about her interactions with Howard Stern. There were a couple of chapters that I hardly read and just skimmed over. I really wouldn't recommend this book to everyone, jus
t those that watch a lot of stand up comedy.
Jan 30, 2014 Shannon rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Hilarious, inappropriate. I didn't even know who she was. Someone left this book in the lobby of our apartment building in the ghetto, and after I gave birth the only thing I had the mental capacity to read was this book. I laughed out loud. The only thing that pissed me off was the hating on vegetarians. Only someone with absolutely no self esteem could write a book like this.
Tricia Andrews
Jan 31, 2011 Tricia Andrews rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy this book or not. She is a "blue" comic, meaning she can use alot of profanity and tell jokes some might find offensive. The book shed a whole new light on her for me. It tells of her past struggles with weight and acceptance for herself. She does make jokes throughout, so if you are offended easily then this book might not be for you.
Feb 23, 2010 Haley rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love it when comedians write books, and when you're as brave and unabashedly funny as Lisa it's a no brainer. Reading this brings to mind the brilliant work of George Carlin, and though no one could ever fill his shoes I know he'd love Lisa's filthy mouth and their shared "don't give a crap," attitude.
Mar 04, 2012 Sara rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoir-biography
This book is a politically incorrect, totally hilarious memoir about the life of Lisa Lampanelli, and how she finds herself in her mid 40's.

If nothing in general offends you when it comes to humor, you will love this book. If you are sensitive to jokes about sex, race, weight, etc do not read this book.
Jan 27, 2016 Joanne rated it really liked it
Okay, one of the reviews says it all:

“Jesus – this book if filthy.” – Sarah Silverman

If you get offended about any type of people, sex, religion, eating issues or rehab this is not a politically correct book at all and you will hate it. I found it very funny and laughed out loud many times. LL (insult comic) says what she feels!
May 12, 2011 Rebecca rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I personally love THIS LL, so my four stars may skew high for those expecting great lit.
Being 'Lampanelli'ed' is a verb in our in 'Geez, I have to lay off the fromage, the brothers were totally checking me out at the grocery store.'
Yup, Lampanelli'ed.
Aug 10, 2012 Alison rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Literally laughed out loud through the entire thing! I met her right after I finished the book. When I told her how much I loved it, she thanked me a million times for reading it. Lisa is not only funny but is a super nice woman I've had the pleasure of meeting more than once.
Julie O
Aug 27, 2009 Julie O rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Freakin, hysterical! one chapter was a timeline of shows she did which could have been skipped over. The last chapter was a basic rant of pet peeves she has which I enjoyed reading. Over all this book had me on the floor laughing.
Feb 20, 2012 Maggie rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoirs
I'm not necessarily a fan of Lisa's as I don't care for insult, foul mouthed comedy. But I do enjoy comedy writing and was in the market for some humorous mindless reading. I don't identify with her as easily as Chelsea or Tina but I had some good laughs and devoured it in a day.
Apr 29, 2013 Beth rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: books-of-2013
There were several points at which I got a good chuckle out of the book. What threw me off was the ending. I know she's coined as the "Lovable Queen of Mean," but the end was just mean, not lovable or even funny for that matter.
Shannon Spollen
Love Lisa! She definitely kept with her insult comic style, which is hilarious, but she is also self deprecating, which is charming about her. I was a little disappointed in this book, as I felt it glossed over things in a lot of places, but still a good read if you're an LL fan.
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Lisa Lampanelli, often referred to as Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, is a Grammy-nominated American stand-up comedian and insult comic. She is noted for her extremely racy and raunchy style of comedy, which frequently includes taboo subjects such as race and homosexuality.
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