20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed

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20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed

by Sherrie Eldridge

3.14 · rating details · 21 ratings · 4 reviews

Do I have what it takes to be a successful adoptive parent?
Does my child consider me a successful parent?
Will I ever hear my rebellious teen say, “I love you”?
What tools do I need to succeed?

In her groundbreaking first book, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Sherrie Eldridge gave voice to the very real concerns of adopted children, whose unique p...more

Paperback, 320 pages

Published October 27th 2009 by Random House Publishing Group (first published 2009)

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Oct 19, 2011

Ellie rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: read-nonfiction

Another half-star adoption book. Eldridges organization is very helpful, and she offers lots of practical suggestions throughout her book. Each chapter tackles a topic and then gives age-appropriate suggestions. For example, in regards to bonding she suggests holding infants close and tight to your chest until they relax, as it is common for adopted infants to arch their backs and resist relaxing, thereby inhibiting infant bonding, she then follows with bonding suggestions for childhood years...moreAnother half-star adoption book. Eldridges organization is very helpful, and she offers lots of practical suggestions throughout her book. Each chapter tackles a topic and then gives age-appropriate suggestions. For example, in regards to bonding she suggests holding infants close and tight to your chest until they relax, as it is common for adopted infants to arch their backs and resist relaxing, thereby inhibiting infant bonding, she then follows with bonding suggestions for childhood years, teenage years, and adult years. This one positive, however, does not outweigh the many negatives.

Now having a handful of adoption books under my belt it is clear that a negative cloud hangs over most adoption writers. Whereas pregnancy books include the negative possibilities, problems and concerns that weigh on every expectant mother, these are balanced and often outweighed by purely objective information. In other words, pregnancy books generally read "Expectant mothers should consume the appropriate number of calories through a well-balanced diet to provide their babies with a healthy foundation." If an adoption writer tackled the same sentence it would read: "Any deviation from the appropriate number of calories, or indulgence in anything beyond nutritional superfoods will most likely result in a deformed, emotionally-stunted, anger-ridden child. This result will be irreversible and completely, totally your fault."

This is to say, that this adoption book, like so many others, tries to address your concerns about adoption with factoids like "When your adopted child questions their very existence and becomes suicidal..." Wha...What? First of all, I am not convinced from what I've read that every adopted child will question their existence, nor as adoption books suggest, is this a question confined to adoptees alone. In fact, self-understanding/identity is a natural mulling of the adolescent mind. Nor does it result in suicidal thinking. Are adopted kids more likely to commit suicide? Currently no report exists to confirm this fear. And this leads me to my main complaint about adoption books.

Primarily, adoption books are written from fear rather than celebration. And these fears are largely all of the made-up, out-of-proportion fears of adopting parents, not actual research. There is so much that must go wrong in order for an adoption to be possible (ill-equipped parents, unplanned pregnancies, infertility, relatives who reject a child rather than taking him in, failed foster families, etc.) that the mindset of adoption seems to be "What else will go wrong" rather than moving ahead in a right direction.

Although this book is titled "20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed" it's main points were:
1. Don't expect your child to love you (although they might come around after you're dead), and
2. Adoption is the worst thing that will happen to your child - nevermind sin, death, health, deciding on a career, succeeding in school, making friends, making enemies, etc. (in other words, all the other things your child will endure in the course of his life), none of these other life experiences will overshadow adoption in his life. He will wrestle with it until the day he dies.

I'm sorry, but I just don't buy it. It certainly may be true for some, but I highly doubt that an adopted child who breaks his arm is going to think, "Well, just something else in my life going wrong - goes back to the day I was born." Geeze, I guess if that's true then adopted kids are an unusual pool of philosophers.

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Oct 16, 2010

Anna rated it

· review of another edition

Mushy, touchy-feely, full or jargon, lots of complex analogies. You'd think, with a title like this, that it would be succinct. Nope.

· see review

Nov 19, 2011

Tom Panning rated it

Shelves: adoption

Practical information, but also a lot of pulling on your heart strings.

· see review

Mar 12, 2010

Beth Chandler rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

Fascinating and helpful title to help adoptive parents with children of all ages.

· see review

Feb 01, 2012

Elsa rated it

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Shelves: 2012, adoption

Jan 29, 2012

Sandy Parker added it · review of another edition

Shelves: adoption

Jan 21, 2012

Marcia rated it

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Jan 09, 2012

Bronwyn Phillips rated it

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Jan 05, 2012

Adri Ramirez rated it

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Dec 31, 2011

Katie Kenig rated it

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Shelves: adoption, non-fiction

Dec 04, 2011

Monica marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Nov 28, 2011

Ruthie marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Nov 19, 2011

Mahmoud66 added it

Oct 01, 2011

Amy rated it

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Shelves: social-science

Sep 17, 2011

Mary rated it

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Sep 06, 2011

Rachelle rated it

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Aug 18, 2011

Elizabeth marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: adoption, nonfiction

Aug 30, 2011

Tara marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Jul 29, 2011

Sara marked it as to-read

Jun 26, 2011

Heidi marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: from-library, parenting

Jul 13, 2011

Jenny rated it

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Jul 12, 2011

Corinne marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Oct 22, 2011

Becky Royce rated it

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Jan 07, 2011

Amy rated it

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Shelves: non-fiction, adoption-and-infertility

Nov 16, 2010

Christy marked it as to-read

Shelves: adoption-to-read

Nov 09, 2010

Nancy is currently reading it · review of another edition

Oct 21, 2010

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Mar 28, 2010

Lesley rated it

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About Sherrie Eldridge

www.sherrieeldridge.com/meetsherrie.htm"

More about Sherrie Eldridge...

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Questions Adoptees Are Asking: ... about beginnings... about birth family... about searching... about finding Peace

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