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Beware of God: Stories

3.8 of 5 stars 3.80  ·  rating details  ·  971 ratings  ·  144 reviews
Violent rabbis, lovelorn wives, a busy Grim Reaper, shame-filled simians, and one seriously angry deity populate this humorous and disquieting collection.
Shalom Auslander's stories in Beware of God have the mysterious punch of a dream. They are wide ranging and inventive: A young Jewish man's inexplicable transformation into a very large, blond, tattooed goy ends with a
ebook, 208 pages
Published November 1st 2007 by Simon & Schuster (first published 2005)
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Oct 09, 2014 Maciek rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Reluctant fundamentalists
I've never heard of Shalom Auslander before picking up Beware of God, his debut collection of short stories. I approached the book without any specific expectations, but ended up reading them all during a surprisingly warm afternoon at the park. I'm happy that I've read it and that I discovered Shalom Auslander, as his book is a total hoot, and I really had a lot of fun while reading it. I'm now looking forward to reading more of Shalom Auslander, and I'm already eyeing his novel and memoir.

If you're not Jewish, don't expect to "get" this book; better yet, DON'T GET this book because, at best, you'll probably only sort of "get" it. If you ARE Jewish, are you ultra-Orthodox? Are you religious, but don't mind Jews mocking Jews and Judaism? Are you afraid of G-d? (Did you answer the previous question with "There's a G-d???") Do you think that you KNOW what G-d wants Jews to do and not to do? Do you imagine that, if G-d exists (and you're really not sure about that), He/She/It has a se ...more
"Straordinario.. C'è della genialità in Auslander. Le sue storie non vi usciranno più dalla testa". - The Guardian.

Menghia vero, cioè, tipo quella in cui c' sì la tipa..oddio come si chiamava..
WHATEVER, come dimenticare comunque quella..oddio me so' scordata il titolo..beh, ma però parlava..parlava..

The Guardian, ..seriously?

L'aggettivo migliore per definire tutti questi racconti incentrati sul rapporto con la divinità ebraica è..inutile.
Non metto in dubbio che alcuni, attenti, al
Racconti originali sviluppati a partire da idee illuminanti alla Woody Allen di “Harry a pezzi” e di “New York Stories”. Auslander prende di mira l’ebraismo in tutte le sue colorite ed estreme peculiarità; le situazioni assurde create dalla sua fantasia, grazie al suo umorismo tipicamente ebraico, si rivelano nella loro totale somiglianza alla realtà. Molti di questi racconti somigliano a dei pezzi da stand-up comedy ampliati e riveduti per la pagina scritta, altri sono delle semplici provocazio ...more
Questa raccolta di racconti ha un grandissimo pregio: è breve.
A friend of mine lent me this book after i had lent him Auslander's ' A Foreskin's lament '. They are a collection of short stories with the common theme of God. If you are of a nervous disposition as far as God centred stories are concerned then i would advise you to avoid these but if, like me, you bank on God actually having a good sense of humour then read these. The language can be a little choice and Auslander is certainly not backward in coming forward in the ' speaking as you find ' stak ...more
Truly irreverent recovering Orthodox Jew. Did I mention that he's funny as hell? One word: YES.
Elliot Ratzman
Beware of Shalom Auslander, he’s working out a childhood of bad theology. We know from his superior memoir “Foreskin’s Lament” that he grew up in an abusive household in a superstitious ultra-orthodox community. All of his lingering anxieties and resentments against God-according-to-the-blackhats come out in these stories: a callous God as a complaining gangster, a big chicken, instructing some schmuck to build an ark from supplies at Home Depot. Rabbinic culture is aptly parodied. Auslander has ...more
So, the obvious thing to say (because it is true) is that this book is a good mix of Woody Allen and Chaim Potok. It is true because it is funny (in a Jewish way), like Allen's short stories, and also knowledgeable about Ultra-Orthodox Judaism (in a Jewish way), like The Chosen or Asher Lev. But, really, it's not actually as funny as Woody Allen. And it doesn't say anything as interesting about Orthodox Judaism as Chaim Potok does. So, if you like Woody Allen and Chaim Potok, you would probably ...more
Charming, witty, concise and edgy.
Naturally, considering the background of Shalom Auslander, most of the stories in the book deal mainly with aspects, views, history and stories from Judaism; though to say only that much would not suffice to pay the content credit. The way in which the stories were conveyed weren't difficult to read, but the things learned from them are well worth the time invested; this is because of the various references to historical events (the holocaust and more), terms (m
I hope God is a chicken. I really do. My favorite food is, and has always been, fried chicken. Since I have become a vegetarian, I have had none at all. You don’t know sacrifice until you have given up the crispy-fried flesh of another life form. I swear I’ve had cravings Guantana wouldn’t have been able to withstand. It would be nice to know that God, in all his feathery glory, would appreciate my sacrifice.

Of course, as the gent in the story realized, God is a chicken and, therefore, doesn’t c
If you weren't afraid of GOD before you read this book, you may suffer a bit of retributive paranoia afterward. My favorite piece was the Charlie Brown allegory. Auslander should be writing for the late night comics if he's not already...
Feb 10, 2015 Chory rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: fans of short fiction or Jewish fiction.
Recommended to Chory by: NPR
Shelves: man-fiction
I had come to Auslander from his "Hope: A Tragedy," and was hoping to find similar hilarity in this collection of short form stories.
Hilarity indeed! Mr. Auslander is perhaps even funnier in the short form than in the novel. His wit, sarcasm, and use of American Jewish life as a window on the American soul are artful and flawless. The stories herein are at once brilliant and tragic: much of the laughter stems from a sort of schadenfreude as we watch individuals flounder and fail.
This is a book
Josephus FromPlacitas
"Orthodoxy means not thinking—not needing to think," as Winston Smith's friend and Newspeak expert Syme said. This book did nothing to relieve my growing mistrust and dislike of Orthodox culture, which has just worsened as I travel through my new home in Brooklyn, New York. Closer exposure to the Jewish equivalent of the evangelical community has engendered in me a greater dislike for religious orthodoxy in general and Jewish Orthodoxy in particular. And my conversations with the psychically wou ...more
Auslander is a writer who grew up in a strict Orthdox Jewish home. This upbringing has apparently caused him to hold a very dark perspective on religion and God, as this short story collection by Auslander is filled with stories representing all manner of negative aspects of religion, and the tension between our lives and our faith. For example, in the first story (“The War of the Bernsteins”), a man decides to become more and more religious at the expense of his marriage even though preserving ...more
Il libro è una raccolta di racconti brevi, pieni di ironia e di sarcasmo nei confronti di Dio e della religione. Contrariamente al solito, sotto osservazione qui non c’è la religione cristiana, bensì quella ebraica. L’autore, di origini ebraiche, fa riferimento a dogmi, versi ed espressioni non tipiche della religione ebraica, comunemente a noi poco note.
I racconti brevi consentono di spaziare tra svariate ambientazioni e temi differenti, cercando di passare in rassegna i dubbi che normalmente s
These stories are razors. There is one about what happens to you if you discover new information about the holiest of Books. There is one about what happens when fundamentalism comes to Charlie Brown's neighborhood. There is one in which consciousness is bestowed upon a chimpanzee and all he gets out of it is poop. There is one that portrays God as a put-upon balancer of life and another one that portrays God as a chicken (not as in "yellow," but as in "buck-buck-ba-caw").

Auslander's head is da
Michelle Smitherman
Oct 25, 2008 Michelle Smitherman rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone that can handle a sense of humor about matters of religion and philosophy
My friends and I really enjoyed reading this book out loud to each other. I advise taking it to a pub and sharing it with others as well. Hilarious quick reads. One of my favorites stories was the one about the chimp who spontaneously came to a higher understanding of life. I believe it was through a thorough understanding of something like death, god, shame, and guilt (I may be mistaken about the last one). My favorite story by far was about a man whom escaped death and began to ponder over whe ...more
My hopes for this collection may have been too high. I enjoyed hearing Auslander read "Waiting for Joe" on NPR's This American Life, which is the funniest and most insightful story in the book. "Joe" offers new perspective on how we live and practice faith, using the hilariously short-sighted point of view of two hamsters waiting for the Almighty One who will feed them.

Some may call this kind of humor blasphemy, but I think such creativity is lovely, bold, and always necessary. (It makes me hap
Arja Salafranca
God is a gangster come down to earth to finally kill off a man who keeps evading death. No, in fact God is a chicken, happy with his corn and feed, just wanting the basic comforts in life. No, still not right? OK. God is an impatient being who plays with his subjects, asking a New Yorker to build an ark; when the man ignores God, God finally stops imploring him and goes off to prey on someone else’s obsessions.

These seemingly irreverent stories come from the mind of Shalom Auslander, who was rai
Auslander is angry, bitter, talented and funny. He is also scarred and has an agenda. His prose is entertaining, witty and transmits resentment in an enjoyable way.

Sadly, all this somehow fails to make him a great writer. Which is not a problem. "Beware of God" is a light read and I feel marginally glad to be living in a society which allows Auslander's sarcasm to flourish in print. Have Santa put it into your sock.
What a dissapointment.

After reading Auslander's hilarious and excellent "Hope: A Tragedy", I was excited to read his shorter fiction. Unfortunately, this collection just doesn't add up.

Now, as someone who doesn't identify or relate with Orthodox Judaism, I found myself a but befuddled,finding myself unable to fully connect with the characters and stories. Part of this, however, goes beyond the religious themes, and lays in the fact that most of these stories are gimmicky. Peanuts characters la
Very funny overall – not surprising, coming from Auslander – but often too on the nose and bordering on one-note in its blanket darkness. Most of the stories felt unsurprising. I loved a lot the concepts: God as a hitman, God as the schmucky least-favorite client of an advertising agency, God as creator or caretaker (Charles Schulz, a guy who made some golems, hamster owner). But the outcomes were too obvious, too easy, as though it were shocking enough to mock the hypocritical nature of religio ...more
"These are stories which, for the most part, reduce religion to its absurd components. Auslander knows whereof he speaks. He endured a strict Orthodox upbringing; that influence isn't going away in a hurry... They read as though they have, in the writer's dream formulation, written themselves. I found myself asking, again and again, "why hasn't this been done already?" That's a good sign - a sign, almost, of genius; or at least of something pretty close to it. You will not get these out of your ...more
I heard an excerpt from this book on This American Life and thought is was too cutting to resist. It is a series of short stories told from the perspective of God (who at times takes the form of the angry old testament deity, at other times a deity completely unconcerned with the human race, and, in once case, a happy chicken) and his terrified followers. Themes of guilt and fear-based adherence to rules run strung through this insider's picture of Jewish life and religion. I feel a bit guilty f ...more
Raccontini comici in forma di testi sapienziali talmudici (o qualcosa del genere), in cui più che altro si sottolinea l'assurdità e vacuità della religione intesa come elenco di prescrizioni. Alcuni azzeccati, altri fiacchi, lettura scorrevole ma il vero problema è che l'ebraicità mi ha stancato, ovvero: ci sono tante culture al mondo, questa l'ho già incrociata molte(issime) volte, passiamo ad altro grazie.
I have to admit that most of this went way above my head because I'm not Jewish and I don't know much about Judaism. It's a satirical collection of modern day fables, musing on the nature of God and religion, and very well written, but I didn't get very many of the stories. But I loved his second book (Hope: A tragedy), so I thought I would give this a go.
Scathingly funny - that is the best way to describe this book. Auslander tells short stores that brilliantly point out the absurdity of religion. My favorite was, "God Is a Big Happy Chicken." If you are in a dark mood after reading Auslander's memoir, "Foreskin's Lament," this is the anecdote. It is humor with substance.
Catching up on my reviews...

Picked this up, remaindered, because I'd admired a couple of Auslander stories I'd read elsewhere. Taken in this quantity, though, I'm less impressed; Auslander's stories, most of which are concerned with the religious-inflected travails of Jewish characters, read as if they were written by a less-funny Woody Allen, circa Without Feathers, one who was more concerned with theology than philosophy. I still admire "Holocaust Tips for Kids," which is the one story centere
Dans la pal de noël 2010...

Présentation de l'éditeur :

Y a-t-il là-haut quelqu'un qui m'aime ? Cette question hante Bloom depuis qu'il a failli mourir. Mais, face à l'inefficacité de Lucifer et de la Mort, en grand débat sur les méfaits des défibrillateurs, Dieu descend sur terre finir le travail lui-même... Deux hamsters, Donut et Beignet, attendent Joe, leur maître. Confiant dans la bonté de son dieu nourricier, Donut se met à prier. Affamé, Beignet commence à douter... Après une nuit de rêves
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Shalom Auslander is an American author and essayist. He grew up in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood in Monsey, New York where he describes himself as having been "raised like a veal".[1][2] His writing style is notable for its Jewish perspective and determinedly negative outlook.

Auslander has published a collection of short stories, Beware of God and a memoir, Foreskin's Lament: A Memoir. His work,
More about Shalom Auslander...

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