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The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation
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The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation

3.92  ·  Rating Details ·  718 Ratings  ·  75 Reviews
In Codependent No More, Melody Beattie introduced the world to the term codependency. Now a modern classic, this book established Beattie as a pioneer in self-help literature and endeared her to millions of readers who longed for healthier relationships. Twenty-five years later concepts such as self-care and setting boundaries have become entrenched in mainstream culture. ...more
Paperback, 288 pages
Published December 29th 2009 by Simon & Schuster (first published 2008)
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Ro
Aug 24, 2012 Ro rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Love her original book Codependent No More. Answered a lot of my questions about my dysfuntional family. Thought there would not be too much more to learn from a second edition, but I was wrong. The first book introduced the topic, this book talks more in depth and am finding the major points very useful - boundaries, control issues, etc.
I found the end of this book has most highly valuable advice.
Really appreciated the way she told her truth about how she handled tragic events.
Great read.
Amy
Feb 12, 2012 Amy rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Overall it was good and helpful. I have some of the same problems with it that I have with AA, being that I'm agnostic all the God stuff makes no sense to me. Did help me realize some of the areas of my life I need to work on (especially when it comes to relationships), also will be good to refer back to in 6 months or so and see if I do 'better' on the tests.
Anna
Feb 26, 2011 Anna rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Good information on codependency, but sadly interspersed with so much god-talk I could barely read it. You have a problem? Just pray, depend on god, etc. Useful quizzes in the last half of the book, though.
Katie Crommett
Oct 16, 2016 Katie Crommett rated it really liked it
Yup, going to keep this on my nightstand. Very good
Cailey Monaghan
Mar 26, 2015 Cailey Monaghan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Although I don't believe in a higher power, so some passages of this book seemed preachy to me, it was very helpful in making me face up to my codependant behaviours.




This past year I have experienced anger for the first time. It frightened me and led me to deny it existed, as I convinced myself being angry was a shameful emotion. I see now that it is not so. I must give myself permission to feel it and let it go. It stemmed from an unhealthy, codependant place but it need not change my outlook.

T
...more
Sarah
Jan 24, 2013 Sarah rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, memoir
Overall, this book was good, especially the first half. While it is directed more towards codependent people rather than those who have to deal with them, it is incredibly informative. It goes into lengthy detail about the ways that caring is often a form of control and how people who suffer from these disorders need to 'mind meld' with their partners, expecting their partners to fulfill all their deficiencies and soothe all their insecurities. The author also gives a lot of examples from her ow ...more
RachelvlehcaR
This book was recommended by a friend because she was reading it and it was helping her. It's a good reminder of some good habits and skills to keep up, however most of it doesn't apply to me because it's stuff that I've been doing or I've been doing beyond what she recommends. She has quizzes in the book which are interesting but limited.

In her book she focuses a great deal on twelve step programs and God. This makes her book very limited. These are two areas I don't follow nor would I. It mak
...more
Ashley
I don't identify myself as codependent, but I do love a good psychology-related book. Regardless of where you lie on the codependent continuum, I would venture that most of us have exhibited some codependent behaviors/thoughts at some point in time.

Regardless, this is a very encouraging book and while some parts may be a bit depressing, Beattie continually redirects the reader to positive action they can take. Lots of great quotes, but since I listened to the audiobook, I wasn't able to get mos
...more
Rachel Olivier
Jun 28, 2012 Rachel Olivier rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good, straightforward common sense. 6/28/12 - Currently rereading it. It's a good redo of Codependent No More. There are good how-tos in this book. That being said, be a critical reader. Don't just accept what she writes as "gospel" because we all have different experiences. But I find when I reread this book I am reminded of how to be a better, healthier me, and that's a good thing.
Susan
Sep 05, 2011 Susan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
A helpful read for pastoral care continuing education as I delve into the waters of understanding addiction.
Julia Walker
May 18, 2014 Julia Walker rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Ah, the reality of being an Adult child of an alcoholic. Excellent book, continually working on being the best I can be.
Jen Rives Therapy & Counseling
Mar 11, 2011 Jen Rives Therapy & Counseling rated it it was amazing
Shelves: codependency
This is a classic and a great place to start when learning about codependency.
Melissa
Jan 10, 2017 Melissa rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: dnf
I have read Beattie's original book, "Codependent No More," and I thoroughly enjoyed that book and it has lots of useful information. I felt like this book had the same concept, but it wasn't as applicable to me. She definitely goes really in depth on the various aspects on the topic of codependency.

I agree with others reviews that there is wayyyyy too much God talk in here. As a non-religious person that aspect of this doesn't help me. It also seems that this book is directed more towards thos
...more
Erin
Nov 30, 2016 Erin rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Not her best book out of the the codependent series. But maybe I will have a different view of it if I ever pick it up in the years that come.
Lisa Robinson
Oct 02, 2016 Lisa Robinson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A lot of good information and very validating....
Hilary
As far as personal development books go, this one was surprisingly efficient and overall helpful. While this book bills itself as being a resource for codependents, its reach extends far beyond simply people who are suffering from such issues. This is more of a book about realizing how you yourself function, and how to learn to function better upon your own and become a more self-reliant, self-actualized person. Who can't benefit from that?

I'd highly recommend this text to anyone who wants to be
...more
Keighlagh
Jul 27, 2016 Keighlagh rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
After both a grief and loss counsellor and an MBTI psychologist referred this book to me at separate times during the span of a year, I finally made time to purchase and read it--and I am so thankful I did.

While there are some Christian references, which can be interpreted as any higher power and which are not necessary for the narrative to be beneficial, the inclusion of "God talk" is very much in line with Al-Anon processes.

That said, this is not a book about alcoholism. It is a book about c
...more
Pia Abrahams
"Learn to love and take care of yourself. You'll learn to love others better."

I would honestly recommend this book to everyone. The lessons in this book - learning to love and take care of yourself, embracing your emotions, setting boundaries, and being present in all moments of life - are applicable to anyone, not just those diagnosed as codependent. It's also a book that you can re-read as necessary when you find yourself in a crisis, or just in need of a reminder.

Granted, there are some por
...more
Keebee
Apr 03, 2016 Keebee rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I have two suggestions for reading this book:
1.) Read the last chapter first. There's a good chance that the reason you picked up this book will be addressed there. I wish I had read the end first to keep me from panicking and making large decisions hastily as I was learning.
2.) Don't rush through it. I read it quickly and bitterly ignored parts that I felt didn't reflect my circumstances. I wanted a magic answer and that just isn't going to happen. Take things with a grain of salt, but do con
...more
Linda
I just finished this book today and it's the first and only one that didn't start off... "How to heal your codependent relationship..." I knew that codependent behavior could be individual, yet every book I found was only about working on a specific relationship not ourselves. Overall I would recommend it to anyone, especially anyone who grew up with any kind of abuse, feels guilty for saying now, and/or sometimes feels responsible for other people's decisions. The quizzes at the end of the book ...more
Kristin
I listened to this and can't wait to read more of her books. Melody "gets" codependency (and dependency) and light bulbs often went off in my brain as I listened. She is honest, vulnerable, hopeful and compassionate. I'm curious about her book on grief (she says there can be a strong relationship between codependency and unfinished grief - grief over losses as well as grief over things that you never received). I'm also interested in her earlier books on codependency. I've already started listen ...more
Rosemary
Sep 05, 2014 Rosemary rated it really liked it
I hadn't read the author's previous book, Codependent No More, so the concept was almost new to me. I had a very limited and partly mistaken view of how codependency is generally defined, and this book sets out many different situations where codependency can come into play that I hadn't imagined, so I found it a very useful introduction.

If using it as a self-help book, I think there would be almost too many action points and tests, and people might be overwhelmed. And in terms of treatment, Me
...more
Leighanne
Jan 24, 2016 Leighanne rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I always joked that I was codependent but when my relationship took a downward spiral and I realized that I didn't love myself I began to take my personality issue seriously. I never read Melody Beattie's original book on codependent behavior but this release answered a lot of questions and has helped put me on the right path to getting help. There are a lot of things that I find frustrating to read in this book, like when she addresses making a tough decision she suggests not to fight the indec ...more
Angela Rhoads
I agree with some of the other reviewers--while this book offers some good, basic information regarding codependency, addiction, grief, and relationships, it is also very preachy and centered on religion. About 50% of the book turned out to be useful, but the useful parts were quite useful. The last half of the book was tedious to get through because most of it could be summed up by "trust God's plan," and, in my opinion, that advice is basically the Protestant equivalent of "get over it." I fee ...more
Andrea
Jun 02, 2016 Andrea rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I didn't quite finish this book as I had a lot of problems with it. It includes a lot of victim blaming in the name of empowerment, a lot of religion and other assumptions about people and feelings. I was on the right track in trying to sort out ways to work on long-standing issues but I'm glad I found some of the new research on complex trauma and developmental attachment disorders instead. Reading van der Kolk and Pete Walker now and finding them a much better fit for the type of psycho-educat ...more
Denise
Excellent book with great helps and advice for identifying hurtful attitudes and mindsets and ways to change and heal them. I didn't agree with everything in here, of course, but I was able to fit most of this into my Christian faith view of life. An excellent handbook for counselors, mentors, life-coaches, group leaders, etc. While I do not label myself as codependent, it helped me in areas of my life that I struggle with, as well as helping me better understand the attitudes and behaviors of t ...more
Mery
May 01, 2014 Mery rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
words also have the power to hurt or heal. For better or worse words have a physiologival effect on people and their bodies...
There's only one alternative to repression:self-expression. We express who we are ,how we feel, what we have to say, ...this book encourage to make expression a goal.Gently exppressing feelings,instead of repression.Improve our communication.
Learn to love and take care of ourselves...then you learn to love others better.
Tod Companion
Apr 22, 2012 Tod Companion is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
this book is solid, and adds important new forms of addictive behavior - but it doesn't quite stand on its own - indeed early on and again one third of the way through, the book strongly suggests you start with the author's previous titles.

this means a good bit of biography repetition, and torture of metaphors - but this solid work is valuable, but mostly in context of the original "Codependent no more"
Wendy
Jul 22, 2016 Wendy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
This was the first book I've read by Melody Beattie - who came highly recommended to me by my therapist. This book is easily in the top three self-help books I've read. There were so many things that she said that truly struck a chord deep within. I had multiple "ah-ha" moments while reading, and I truly believe that parts of this book will stick with me forever. The wisdom is that sound.
Nurse
Jul 13, 2011 Nurse rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: kindle
I have only read about 30% so far. I just started it and I can't put it down. This is a must read for everyone, even if you are not currently struggling at the moment. It is very enlightening to me. Helping me understand my caretaker role and how I let it affect me. It also is helping me see those I care for in a more productive way, and to possibly understand both them and myself.
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Over the years, Melody Beattie has become well-known in the world of self-help literature. After turning away from a life of addiction and suffering, Melody shared her own story in order to help others change theirs. Her overnight sensation, Codependant No More, has been influencing millions for over twenty years. Her passion for writing has resulted in fifteen books, including: Co-Dependants Anon ...more
More about Melody Beattie...

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“Codependency is about normal behaviors taken too far. It’s about crossing lines.” 2 likes
“When you let go of fear and the need to control, you’ll experience how mysterious, sacred, and interesting Life can be.” 1 likes
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