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The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids
In recent years, numerous studies have shown that bright, charming, seemingly confident and socially skilled teenagers from affluent, loving families are experiencing epidemic rates of depression, substance abuse, and anxiety disorders--rates higher than in any other socioeconomic group of American adolescents. Materialism, pressure to achieve, perfectionism, and disconne
...morePaperback, 246 pages
Published
August 1st 2008
by Harper Paperbacks
(first published July 1st 2006)
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I enjoyed and appreciated this book on several levels.
It's a thoughtful explanation on what adolescents are going through in modern times, and in particular when raised with wealth at their side.
Madeline Levine, Ph.D., cites her own professional opinion and research from other Psychologists the problems particular to the affluent household and lines them up against the needs of a developing adolescent. She shares her experiences as a psychologist and as an affluent mother of thre...more
It's a thoughtful explanation on what adolescents are going through in modern times, and in particular when raised with wealth at their side.
Madeline Levine, Ph.D., cites her own professional opinion and research from other Psychologists the problems particular to the affluent household and lines them up against the needs of a developing adolescent. She shares her experiences as a psychologist and as an affluent mother of thre...more
A book every parent (or person who works around children) should read -- affluent or not.
The book mentions how much value we place on what our children do (honor roll, colleges, who can read first, etc) and not on who they are as people. How many affluent, suburban families have lost what is really important. The other point that really got me was the illusion of the perfect suburban mom. How suburban moms feel that they need to be perfect and show the world that they and their ...more
The book mentions how much value we place on what our children do (honor roll, colleges, who can read first, etc) and not on who they are as people. How many affluent, suburban families have lost what is really important. The other point that really got me was the illusion of the perfect suburban mom. How suburban moms feel that they need to be perfect and show the world that they and their ...more
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I first heard of this book because the author went to my high school, and it was in the library so I checked it out. A lot of the concepts seemed pretty logical, not anything surprising. It was interesting enough to finish, but not necessarily recommend, unless the topic grabs you. While reading I thought of my childhood, psychology courses I've taken, friends I know, my students, and how I want to raise my children. In the end, it made me ask myself what I value and how will I use those val...more
The chapter on child development/stages and how to parent to each particular age is concisely written and helpful to re-read to refresh my memory - one of the reasons I'm keeping the book.
Her insights based on her own family are more compelling than her case studies. Her own experiences as a mother with a family that fits the model she is writing about helps to humanize her and give her credibility. I wish she included more examples from her own experience.
My favorite...more
Her insights based on her own family are more compelling than her case studies. Her own experiences as a mother with a family that fits the model she is writing about helps to humanize her and give her credibility. I wish she included more examples from her own experience.
My favorite...more
written by a therapist who seems to specialize in working with troubled, affluent teens, this book is an examination of the psychological issues afflicting teenagers from a background or culture of class privilege.
what i liked: the author took pains to state that although this book focused on class privileged teenagers, she was in no way attempting to undermine or minimize the efforts that have gone into helping impoverished teenagers. she was pretty clear about the fact that affluent ...more
what i liked: the author took pains to state that although this book focused on class privileged teenagers, she was in no way attempting to undermine or minimize the efforts that have gone into helping impoverished teenagers. she was pretty clear about the fact that affluent ...more
I figured I should read this since I work with 'affluent' children and I'm certainly glad I did. Depression, anxiety, suicide, self mutilating behaviors, and eating disorders (and to some degree even substance abuse) are far more pervasive among teens in wealthy households. For the most part, these children have had no opportunity to create an authentic sense of self as they are shuttled from activity to activity by parents who put too much value on competition and grades as an indication of suc...more
Interesting book, with some good points to it. Some devastating statistics if true: elite, wealthy kids have some staggering rates of pathology. But the book has a great point that I've never seen addressed.
Essentially it's this: by allowing teens real choice without parental pressure, we allow them to build an authentic self: an "interior home." When we don't, when we micromanage their lives by putting pressure on them, even for their own good, we don't allow them to develop...more
Essentially it's this: by allowing teens real choice without parental pressure, we allow them to build an authentic self: an "interior home." When we don't, when we micromanage their lives by putting pressure on them, even for their own good, we don't allow them to develop...more
I originally picked up this book to understand my students and parents and the issues that face many of the families in this district. What I loved about this book is how it really connected with families at all socioeconomic levels. Although it did address issues that privileged families face, it also addresses parenting tips and mother/child relationships. The whole last chapter is directed towards mothers. I found this chapter so uplifting and relevant. It talked about how mothers need t...more
It took me all summer to read this -- because I could only do it in 15 minute bursts before I was so angry I wanted to throw the book. so I'd close the book and take a break.
ok. the substance--the legitimate worth--of this book is old news. It's fine enough to be reminded that children need care and attention from parents (and the adults in their lives), that putting children in pressure-cookers of achievement and externally-gauged success is a recipe for critically unhappy children...more
ok. the substance--the legitimate worth--of this book is old news. It's fine enough to be reminded that children need care and attention from parents (and the adults in their lives), that putting children in pressure-cookers of achievement and externally-gauged success is a recipe for critically unhappy children...more
I think this woman is dead-on with her assessment of kids that have no purpose and why we are seeing some of the behavior we read about in the paper. It was interesting to hear the stories behind her cases, especially since I taught in that area and know the community to a certain degree! It also made me think about my parenting, and if I'm truly serving my kids by giving them a life of privilege.
This is a must read for anyone who teaches or raises children today. Not only did it help me to better understand my own sons, but it also gives me improved insight into my students and their parents. Actually, the book makes me grateful for having come of age in the late 1960s and '70s when the choices were much clearer and our parents were not our friends.
The book can be quickly summarized by stating - material things do not make people or children happy. Children need your time, attention, patience, guidance, and discipline. They do not need guilt trips, the latest and greatest gadget, unrealistic pressure to succeed, etc. Basically, your children need you to be tuned in and present.
Would be great for all parents to read. I chose to read it b/c of the kind of students that I teach and can see first hand what the author is saying. The only way children (or any of us) learn to deal with things effectively (frustration, disappointment, not being able to do/have something) is to actually experience the emotion and then work through it. So many parents are "over-functioning" these days which creates kids that "under-function". There is a time to "rescue"...more
I had some good discussions about the material in this book with my morning walking partner. I think the bottom line for me from this book is that kids need real responsibilities and you do no favors by handing your kids everything and treating them like they can't handle the real world and face up to their own problems.
Fascinating view into the world of affluent families and the epidemic proportions of disaffected, psychologically damaged youth being turned out from such a lifestyle. This book sheds some light on why many of the most recent generations in the U.S. are so maladjusted in social interaction, interpersonal relationships, and the adversities of life in general. That so many have no "substance" and no altruism is probably the most disturbing. What will become of them when - in the comin...more
I grabbed this on a sprint through the library because hey, who wants to have disconnected, unhappy children?
I figured it was going to be mostly stuff I regard as basic good parenting and common sense, and in point of fact, that is what it was.
It can be good to have a reminder that:
permissiveness is bad for your kids,
and micro-managing is bad for your kids,
you shouldn't try to be your kids' best friend,
but you should be on friendly terms with your kids,
e...more
I figured it was going to be mostly stuff I regard as basic good parenting and common sense, and in point of fact, that is what it was.
It can be good to have a reminder that:
permissiveness is bad for your kids,
and micro-managing is bad for your kids,
you shouldn't try to be your kids' best friend,
but you should be on friendly terms with your kids,
e...more
Living in an affluent area, this book gave me some insight into what might be happening in the homes of my childrens' friends. I was also able to see some of the things we inadvertantly do in our home in an effort to help our kids which are actually harming their development. It makes one wonder if the parents that need to read this book ever would and if they would recognize themselves in the pages. My suspicious is not. It did reinforce the idea that you need to raise your children with strong...more
Not one to readily dive into parenting, self-help or other social psychology reads, this one definitley was my exception. Offhandedly mentioned by my own children's pediatrician, I decided to give it a read because of the culture of affluence that my own kids are exposed to and raised in.
And let me interject: the concept of affluence doesn't have to mean the big house behind the statueque gates with the glittering pool--it can mean infinite clubs, sports, classes, etc. that kids--and...more
And let me interject: the concept of affluence doesn't have to mean the big house behind the statueque gates with the glittering pool--it can mean infinite clubs, sports, classes, etc. that kids--and...more
This is a quick read, and illuminating. The book explains which parental behaviors inhibit their children's emotional growth. Some things are common sense, but others are counter-intuitive. I thought the chapter called "How We Connect Makes All the Difference" was useful since it detailed the difference between "good warmth" and "bad warmth", and how to correct children without criticizing them. There are also warnings that certain types of praise can foster a d...more
I thought that this was worth the read. Even after the sad stories about the privileged teens of Marin and their pathetic lives, I still found it hard to muster up too much sympathy for their problems. However it did give me some nuggets of insight into teenagers that hopefully will help me as our family enters that phase. Yikes! It made me grateful for the strong community that I feel around my family, because both the kids and parents need that to get through the teen years. We read this ...more
I won't go into detail about the themes of the book because that's done plenty of times before in the other reviews. I do believe the author is right on track with her insights into why today's kids are so spoiled and going down a hard path that will effect us all. Giving kids everything they want and not demanding anything from them has given us the awkward and disprespectful youngsters we see each day. I do believe the title is misleading though because everything the author talks about can re...more
This is written by a child psychologist and is about the negative effects of affluence on children. Money itself isn't the problem, she says, but affluent parents do tend to have unique obstacles to raising happy and healthy kids. She addresses a host of problems stemming from kids being over-scheduled and motivated by external rewards, and encourages parents to be intentional about teaching responsibility and gratitude. I found this book to be very thoughtful and well-written, it gave me so ...more
I had heard about this book since it has had a lot of local press mainly due to the fact that the author, a clinical Psychologist, practices and lives right North of San Francisco in Marin County and another fellow Goodreads reader & friend had rated it highly. I found this book to be one of the most important Parenting books that I have read to date and found it incredibly relevant.
The author is a Psychologist who practices in a very affluent Suburb where she specializes in dealing...more
The author is a Psychologist who practices in a very affluent Suburb where she specializes in dealing...more
Written by a clinical phychologist who practices in an affluent area on very privileged children, this author identifies how materialism, prefectionism and disconnection are leading to depression, high rates of substance abuse and anxiety disorders among children from high earning families. Tearing down one child-rearing myth after another, she provides thought provoking solutions that will help parents raise children of have authentic senses of self and who are not made by the things they buy. ...more
Joel
rated it
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review of another edition
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review of another edition
Recommends it for:
teachers, parents (especially upper-middle class parents)
I was assigned this book as homework over the summer by my head of school. I know what you're thinking: (Sarcastically) Oh yeah, rich kids have it so tough. And of course in many ways--more than they realize--they don't. The availability and ease of physical objects--from cars and iPods to drugs and alcohol--sets them apart in many ways from most of the world.
And yet, I can attest from experience over the last few years here that money does not buy happiness--nor does it buy ability,...more
And yet, I can attest from experience over the last few years here that money does not buy happiness--nor does it buy ability,...more
I just made a new book shelf called "finish some other time". I've renewed this book from the library twice, but keep stopping to read other stuff. Maybe I'll try finishing it later. Or I may not. I am pretty sure I got the gist of what it was saying, which was:
Money itself is not what's causing rich kids to be all screwed up in the head. HOWEVER, with the culture of money comes a certain culture of parenting. It is a parenting that is uber controlling, expecting the kids t...more
Money itself is not what's causing rich kids to be all screwed up in the head. HOWEVER, with the culture of money comes a certain culture of parenting. It is a parenting that is uber controlling, expecting the kids t...more
I usually have a hard time getting through books like this one. But I enjoyed this and felt like if I sat down for lunch with the author, it would be an enjoyable experience. She sets down on paper many random thoughts I've had. I especially like the section about whether working or not makes you a better mom and how beside the point that question is. Some of her wisdom is simply common sense, but she puts it all together nicely. And sometimes her writing is a bit disjointed and disorganize...more
Wow. This book really made me think. It should be required reading and discussion for all parents in at least my circle! It just made me think about what price our children pay when we do everything for them so their life is easier. It is such an easy trap to fall into. This is not a "how to" book but a thought provoking book. For me it articulated some of my growing unease with how so many are being raised today. I would definately recommend this book for any parent.
Sounds interesting. My children are already going to consider me the ultimate mommy dearest, and I've always vowed to give my children every thing their heart desires.
As much as I desire to be a young, loving mother, I wish their was a guide how to raise your children properly to not only be 'cool' but book smart as well. Basically every single thing I wasn't.
Rest easy parents of the world, I will be able to adopt anyway. I foresee being in love with my five cats.
As much as I desire to be a young, loving mother, I wish their was a guide how to raise your children properly to not only be 'cool' but book smart as well. Basically every single thing I wasn't.
Rest easy parents of the world, I will be able to adopt anyway. I foresee being in love with my five cats.
Interesting idea where she's basically saying that the pressure to achieve and the lack of connection affluence can bring (d/t busy schedules, materialistic values etc) is creating unhappy kids. A lot of varied examples of patients from her practice supporting this far ranging idea, but not a lot of new advice. I liked the focus on how important the mom's mental health can also be, and how a lot of the mom's are isolated etc. Bottom-line is be an authoritative parent (who is happy and has a ...more
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