Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man: A Memoir

Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man: A Memoir

3.57 of 5 stars 3.57  ·  rating details  ·  1,419 ratings  ·  257 reviews
Bill Clegg had a thriving business as a literary agent, a supportive partner, trusting colleagues, and loving friends when he walked away from his world and embarked on a two-month crack binge. He had been released from rehab nine months earlier, and his relapse would cost him his home, his money, his career, and very nearly his life.

What is it that leads an exceptional yo...more
Hardcover, 240 pages
Published June 7th 2010 by Little, Brown and Company (first published January 1st 2010)
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Community Reviews

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Wendy S.
Sure I read it (hence two stars), and I read it quickly because 1) I'm addicted to books about screw ups, AND 2) I'm constantly looking for something that will make me feel differently about this particular disease. This "memoir" makes me sick. I don't care about Bill Clegg's self-indulgent childhood issues. In fact, they bore me. He comes across as an insecure, egotistical name-dropper who clearly has a long way to go if in fact he is still "recovering." Much like all books about addiction, my...more
Claire
Stellar writing, excellent editing; deserves 5 stars.
This memoir is a roller coaster ride the reader takes with Bill Clegg as he remembers episodes pursuing various intoxicating experiences. An unflinching account- Clegg does not spare himself as he tells of the road he traveled with his addiction. This is not easy reading, the highs and desperate lows are so vivid.
Some call this a cautionary tale. I don't know. I think some would read the descriptions and say, 'I'd like to feel high like that...more
Bookmarks Magazine
In this chilling debut, Clegg has written a serious and compelling, if somewhat detached, addition to the subgenre of "addiction memoirs." Clegg's tight, elegant prose, earnest tone, and meticulous attention to detail call up a fairy tale world brutally transformed into a monstrous hell. While the New York Times Book Review and the Times considered the book tedious and clich
christa
The first time Bill Clegg tries smoking crack he’s in an apartment in New York City with an upstanding citizen from his hometown, a handsome silver-haired lawyer who is older than even his father. And, whoa, is this a good time. Clegg describes it as a new surge of energy, a perfect oblivion, a kind of peace, kinetic, sexual and euphoric, a hurricane, a warm tender caress.

The naughty, drug fueled, paranoia and urination fascination memoir Portrait of a Young Man as an Addictis the literary agent...more
Cheryl/Aradanryl
I always feel awkward rating and reviewing these kind of books since in a sense, it feels a little like rating their life instead of rating a book. I am not sure I ever want to stop feeling that way though.

Although this book probably is a fairly accurate picture of the extreme emotions and self-justification/delusion that is integral to the lives of rich young and charming addicts, I didn't like the book. It left me irritated at a gifted, privileged, self-absorbed and immature young man who is c...more
Michael
Harrowing, with a can't-look-away-oh-god-I-want-to-look-away quality that fairly pulls the reader through the pages. I know crack addicts but haven't read any accounts of the addiction from the inside, and I found Clegg to be adept at giving a sense of what serious substance abuse must be like for the user. The rampant paranoia, the way the drug extends and collapses time, the peaks of the highs versus the plunges into the blackest of lows—he nails all of this with an unflinching eye, and withou...more
Brittany
"It doesn't feel the least bit wrong in those first seconds after exhaling the familiar smoke, no more than a reunion with an old friend, a returning to the most incredible conversation I've ever had, one that got interrupted seven months ago and, now that it's started up again, hasn't skipped a beat. But it's more than just a conversation, it's the best sex. The most delicious meal, the most engrossing book-it's like returning to all of these at once, coming home, and the primary feeling I have...more
Judith
I admit that I am a sucker for stories about addiction. You could even say I am addicted to them. (groan!) But now I know what I want for my last "meal" ----and it is a nice chunk of crack. Really, it sounds like something that everyone should experience once in a lifetime but can't for obvious reasons. To paraphrase the poet, it sounds like . . ." all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell. . "

Bill Clegg is a literary agent in NYC and he was living the dream. He appears on his book...more
C(h)ristine
I first read an excerpt from this drug-addiction memoir in New York Magazine earlier this summer. While I've had my fill of drug-addiction memoirs (and memoirs about nervous breakdowns, in case you care) and thus find any craving of such subject matter more than quenched, I found myself totally enthralled by the text, and in particular, Bill Clegg's voice. Plus, the guy was a wildly successful literary agent, an insider, whose decline was marked by an addiction to crack. I wanted more. I put my...more
Tayari Jones
This book was pretty engaging. There is a train-wrecky appeal and Clegg is pretty good with phrase. (I especially liked it when he described a woman's accent as "tricky.")

I would have liked it better if he had really reflected on the way his race/class kept him out of jail. While I was really fascinated by the idea that there are secret crack addicts everywhere, Clegg could have been omre reflective about the fact that addicts who can't check into Manhattan hotels to get high and order vodka for...more
Michelle
I knew about Bill Clegg as a high powered literary agent (Nicole Krauss and Diane Keaton are two of his many notable clients; Keaton dedicated her own memoirs to him) before I knew of him as a crack addict. Indeed in this memoir he is both. He actually has a follow-up coming out this month and a review of it is what prompted me to read this first... I'd long since meant to pick it up but hadn't yet. In any case, this is a harrowing, paranoid tale of a multi-month bender. I truly cannot comprehen...more
Alexis
Aug 24, 2010 Alexis rated it 4 of 5 stars
Shelves: 2010
This is the disturbing story of literary agent Bill Clegg's complete fall into drug addiction. I agree with Susan Juby's review about the fetishization of crack smoking throughout the book- there are long passages about crack smoking and every detail of the process. In fact, I'm not quite sure how the author managed to write this without a relapse. Apparently he wrote it while he was in rehab, so that might have been part of the process.

The book is extremely graphic and disturbing. I read it all...more
Jim Morrissey
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Brielle Charmasson
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Adam Dunn
When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Many things came to me while reading this book and I had to stop reading several times to just sit and think. The main one is reflected in the quote above, how did he go through this again? How was he able to get past the shame and guilt of this time in his life to be able to write it down and then to be able to share it with others? I spent a lot of the book marvelling at that.

"Nothing but death can keep me from it"...more
Raz
Aug 27, 2011 Raz added it
Finished it in two days because I really wanted to know what was wrong with him. I love reading about suburban kids that become rich and turn into crackheads. Bill is good at keeping secrets, Bill didnt get enough love and attention. The book is in account of his crack binges. and then going back to his childhood. Small little things he remembers that follow him for the rest of his life. you read this book and you are like "HOW THE FUCK did you spend $70,000 a month on crack, vodka, hotel rooms,...more
Kit Fox
Claustrophobic and downright panic attack-inducing, this book had me worried that I was about to run out and relapse on crack cocaine, and I've never even done crack cocaine. For me the biggest question this book left me with, though, was simply why anyone stuck around this guy while all of this was going on? I mean, he didn't just shirk his responsibilities and abuse people's trust whilst embarking on a multi-thousand dollar crack binge, he was downright monstrous to his boyfriend; a boyfriend,...more
Mina
It was okay…he can write….I guess. But it’s nothing new to be honest. I am a sucker for this kind of drug/addiction abuse story, fiction or non-fiction.

I truly cannot relate to the writer in any way and I have no sympathy to him at all. It just feels like a very indulgent kind of thing. He’s obviously a very privileged man, white and reasonably smart. And the story itself goes on somehow tediously…to sum it up: it was bad, and then it was really bad, and then everything went downhill till boom!...more
Mary
Jul 30, 2010 Mary added it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jazmine Green
Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man is a memoir by Bill Clegg. Bill is the Owner of a thriving business in New York, a book-publishing agency. However, as he gets sucked deeper into addiction his business begins to fall a part, his long time relationship with his boyfriend, Noah, crumbles and the rest of his life gets shattered to pieces. This memoir was very well written in my opinion, therefore making it interesting to read. However, I do feel that it was a bit confusing at times and I found...more
Risa
Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man is a memoir written by Bill Clegg about his struggle with crack addiction. It is Clegg's first novel and is a short, quick read and immediately engaging.

In flashbacks, Clegg chronicles his childhood struggles and his over-bearing father. He addresses his casual drug use in high school and college, which leads to a full-blown crack addiction in adulthood.

Clegg is a literary agent who lives in New York City. This memoir is about his last crack binge that cost h...more
Shawna
When am I going to learn that all of these addiction dramas follow the same narrative arc, "And then I got high, and then I got high, and then I got high." This one was particularly infurating because Clegg managed to spend his way through a fortune, paying for fancy hotel rooms, room service vodka, and tons of crack cocaine. He jettisoned his successful literary agency, and yet once he has recovered he still managed to land a job and a client with so much faith in him that she abandoned her cur...more
Howard
Orginally posted on my blog howdiva.wordpress.com

Reading Bill Clegg’s “Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man” is an experience akin to scrolling through someone’s Tumblr posts. Both are disjointed, confusing, transgressively personal — and ultimately poignant.

“Portraits” is the tale of New York literary agent Bill Clegg’s harrowing fall into crack addiction. Billed as a memoir, the book details his addiction and the patterns in his life that might have attributed to it. It covers, with harrowing...more
Neil Mudde
Being familiar with " the program" I found this book a story about a very privileged person, who has money to burn, does not mind dropping names in order to get his story out.
He obviously has connections in the publishing world to get his book out, as well it is a story about a person who happens to be white, hence is not treated the same as persons of different races in the same situation.
Jails are overflowing by non white persons, because in many cases different rules apply.
I wish him a long a...more
Kristin
When I read the sentence, "At the very center of things and at the farthest edge," I was hooked. How many of us have felt this way? This isn't your typical "how I overcame my drug addiction memoir." Bill Clegg explains in detail his descent into crack madness and his overwhelming guilt in letting his family, friends and basically, everyone he knows down. Except, unlike most, he is addicted to crack and doesn't care about making amends or the consequences or losing his life. It doesn't matter. On...more
Luke Johnson
I don't know what's so compelling about watching someone spiral down into the rock-bottom depths of human weakness, but this book is exactly that. A talented literary agent develops a taste for crack and succumbs to the drug's frenzied and paranoid allure. This is his story.

Rare is the hopeless addict who can elucidate his thoughts and point to specific moments in life that cause him to want to destroy himself. But Bill Clegg, with a front-row seat to his own dramatic descent, allows us to peer...more
Chris
A very unnerving, and dichotomous, read. I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw a brief review and decided to pick the book up.

Half of the book narrates from the first-person during the toughest parts of a complete spiral into crack-addiction madness. It is told very matter-of-factly through that chronology, although the styles do change depending on the mood of the narrator when referencing the time. This is never moreso true than during the "Last Door" chapter as things come crashing down. It...more
Shannon Ferguson
This was a well-written and engaging account of a regular guy battling a crack addiction. Time wasn't completely linear from chapter to chapter, and I can imagine that that's what it might be like for someone with multiple periods of intense drug use peppered throughout several years of his life. I was particularly into some of the more gritty details (buying drugs, the ins and outs of paraphernalia, figuring out where/when to use) that are often left out of other drug books (because they become...more
Margaret Carmel
I really liked the poetic language the book was written in. It made this terrible way of life sound almost beautiful, in a terrible way. I did find it a little bit repetitive though. Although I do acknowledge that the repetitive structure shows how addiction is an endless cycle, it did get old to read him moving from hotel to hotel, geting money, calling his dealer, having sex, getting paranoid, and leaving to start all over again. Also I am personally not really clear on how he got into all of...more
Fvck
A grippingly horrifying and unrepentantly sexy memoir of addiction. Clegg seems/seemed like a truly horrible human being with absolutely no regard for those who care anything about him; yet reading many parts of this book had me aching to live his Glamorous Life ("It ain't much") of flashy literary parties, hot yuppie boyfriends, and bleary-beautiful late nights in $500/night boutique hotels. Indeed, I REALLY appreciated that he didn't turn this into a tale of repentance, recovery, treacly senti...more
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Bill Clegg had a thriving business as a literary agent, representing a growing list of writers. He had a supportive partner, trusting colleagues, and loving friends when he walked away from his world and embarked on a two month crack binge. He had been released from rehab nine months earlier, and his relapse would cost him his home, his money, his career, and very nearly his life.

What is it that l...more
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