Whip Smart: A Memoir

Whip Smart: A Memoir

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3.34 of 5 stars 3.34  ·  rating details  ·  1,072 ratings  ·  204 reviews
A dark, wild, powerful memoir about a young woman’s transformation from college student to professional dominatrix

While a college student at The New School, Melissa Febos spent four years working as a dominatrix in a midtown dungeon. In poetic, nuanced prose she charts how unchecked risk-taking eventually gave way to a course of self-destruction. But as she recounts cros...more
Hardcover, 278 pages
Published March 2nd 2010 by Thomas Dunne Books (first published February 27th 2010)
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Judah
I contemplated one star, but she does have a few insightful moments. What springs to mind first is the vanity on display in the book. Someone holds herself in very high regard. (which, despite what a commenter on another review says, is NOT the same as being proud of one's self) There were moments when I caught myself thinking that if I were to unfortunately find myself trapped in conversation with her, I'd need an icepick for my ear-drums.

What comes to mind next is that it frequently felt like...more
Jafar
I’ve long decided to avoid any book of memoir that only intends to say, “look at how fucked up I am,” or, “look what an asshole I am.” Their misplaced and gratuitous narcissism nauseates me. I thought this book would be different. While I've never been tempted to read Belle de Jour and its likes, the memoir of a professional dominatrix sounded intriguing. I wasn’t interested in why some men pay to subject themselves to pain and humiliation, but was more trying to see what kind a woman does that...more
Jen Knox
I have to appreciate any woman who tells a story like this without saying, "Look, look what happened to me," but rather "I got seduced by a world that is less glamorous than it seems." OK, so much for literary analysis, but hey, I'm not in the business of that. I'm in the business of reading memoir for pleasure, and while I can't deny the craft of the thing, I did enjoy Febos' story because it felt genuine above all else.

Admittedly, this is a book I thought I might relate to long before I read i...more
Shushlibrarian
I heard about this memoir on NPR and from the interview, it sounded quirky and a bit more fun-spirited. The actual book was a complete downer. The author's drug addiction didn't interest me and her experiences in "the dungeon" were disgusting (and I'm NOT a prude by any means)and twisted. I guess I didn't realize quite how much sexual contact was involved in being a dominatrix or how much brutal violence and bloodshed. I'd kind of assumed that the whole S&M thing was pretty much a mind trip...more
Maria
great story. It made me think of the Moulin Rouge really...an amazing book. I was stunned and impressed on how much I liked it. sends a great message across about female independence and showing men they are undeserving of the great women they are lucky to have. I learned about Dommes..I never knew exactly what they were. I assumed they were sluts...prostitutes, but I was way wrong. they are strong, beautiful women who control men with desire. I love this. its great. I found myself laughing at...more
Kiesha
I picked this up on my last east-to-west coast trip when I realized that I had no reading material to ease the long flight. It is about a young woman who goes to New York for college and becomes a dominatrix in a Midtown dungeon somewhere along the way.

I loved the concrete-jungle-where-dreams-are-made feel to this memoir and the blatant yearning for that intangible, story book, bright lights, big city WONDER that is the city. Ahhh, New York...

This is very much a memoir and is all about the autho...more
Shana
I was intrigued when I heard the interview on NPR; after reading her book I can say without question she is a much better interviewer than she is writer. Whip Smart is clearly the result of a pretty face, an interesting job, and an absolutely AMAZING publicist.

Given her career choice I’m apprehensive to use the word boring; perhaps she was so mentally removed from her own story, her own apathetic voice was the only thing that resonated with me. I wanted to hear more about her days, and this mys...more
Ruhegeist
heard a tiny bit of Febos' interview on NPR and was intrigued enough to find and listen to it in full. look forward to reading her book.

i'm really not sure how to rate this book, so i'm giving it 3. i could go either up or down a star. i can agree with all the points other reviewers have made. self indulgent, brutally matter of fact. am i just annoyed with the happily-ever-afterness of the end? some of the disjointedness of the sections/writing? definitely some good and enlightening passages th...more
Twilight
Well, that was disappointing. The author is a young woman who becomes a dominatrix and chronicles her journey of her time in a "dungeon" or workplace. I first read about it on NPR and was grossed out not by the content, but the prudes who insisted such filth should not be on an entity like NPR.

While they weren't right in my opinion, I found the book really wasn't all that great. It started off really well, with her discussing what it's like to work in a dungeon as a mistress and describes severa...more
Simon
A few years ago I might never have picked up Whip Smart, cowed by its sexuality and firm in my belief that we'd all be better off without most of the memoirs being written. The seeling point of the book is of course Melissa Febos' (aka "Justine") description of four years spent working as a dominatrix in a Manhattan dungeon. The practices and fetishes that Febos describes responding to in her clients may thrill or disturb you (this is not a book for those put off by frank sexuality) but the bdsm...more
Nathaniel
Febos writes about becoming a dominatrix with maturity and compassion--prerequisites, as far as I'm concerned, for deserving a readership in spite of using sex to sell your prose. She avoids taking cheap shots at the men who she dominates and avoids using her book as a condemnation or an apology. This is largely because she is preoccupied with herself and with what impact her decisions are having on her own life and identity.

If you've got low tolerance for extremely self-aware and process-orient...more
Christaaahh
Heard an interview with the author on NPR awhile back and ordered the book right away. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/st...

I especially LOVE memoirs of dark things such as sex, drugs, rock & roll. So naturally I was drawn to this particular memoir because it highlighted the author’s life in sex work and her struggle with drug use.

Going into the book I set myself up of course expecting a happy ending but leading up to it I was excited to read into a world that I knew nothing of and was cu...more
R.G. Evans
In a recent "Studio 360" interview, Mary Karr, responding to a remark about the influence her memoir "The Liar's Club" has had on the publishing world, said that there are a lot of bad memoirs out there that she just wasn't responsible for.

I'm afraid "Whip Smart" might just be another of those memoirs.

Who would think that a memoir about a college student moonlighting as a professional dominatrix could be . . . boring? But, to me, "Whip Smart" was just that. In fact, by comparison to the life pre...more
christa
Terry Gross is the voice in my head who indirectly tells me what to do. And this time, the host of NPR's "Fresh Air" introduced me to a young former dominatrix who practiced her craft while juggling heroin and a 3.9 GPA in college -- and then wrote about it in the memoir "Whip Smart" by Melissa Febos.

This is exactly the sort of thing I like to read. Addiction memoirs -- especially complicated well-written ones -- are my Twinkies hidden under the bed.

Febos' interest in the domme lifestyle is pi...more
Quanah Edwards
After I finished the Fifty Shades trilogy (Of Grey, Darker, Freed), I was ravenous looking for another book dealing with the BDSM lifestyle. While at Vroomans, I saw this on the recommended list and the cover and title intrigued me. A true story about a dominatrix? Yes, one please! Not only was it something in the BDSM range, but when I was 19-21, I wanted to become a dominatrix. I got so far as placing an ad in the Detroit Weekly and when I got a call, I got nervous. I wasn’t as brazen as I tho...more
Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw
(There may be a spoiler or two in here – don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Firstly, let me say that I found Melissa Febos’ WHIP SMART to be extremely well-written and knowledgeable… this is truly an unforgettable read. With only an occasional discordant note, Ms Febos' narrative has a ring of truth that makes WHIP SMART a compelling, thought-provoking, and compassionate telling of human frailty… of human need… of human imperfection. I recommend this book without hesitation.

The discordant note(s)? The...more
Rachelfm
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Hat of Nikitich
Three and a half? Three and three-quarters? Whip Smart was really interesting and, in fact, pretty smart. The author is very articulate, even if you might find her hard to relate to, or like. I had personal revelations of my own while reading it, mostly tangential to the book, but I don't think they would have been quite so clear without the sharp writing.

That said, it does devolve from time to time into maudlin introspection and emotional flogging (no pun intended) that can be difficult to trea...more
Beren
Hardly "wild and powerful," Whip Smart is far more focused on ex-junkie navel gazing rather than the life of your average dominatrix. Febos is in love with the sound of her own voice, and makes sure that adoration comes through in writing that is both overwrought and overthought. When she talks about other people, the story comes alive; when she talks about how she has a natural born gift of intuition and insight into people's motivations (did you know her mom is a phychologist? No? well, she'll...more
Tiffany
OK, I really liked this memoir. I read a few reviews that shout "we don't need another boring recap of someone's struggles with drugs/alcohol/insert problem here and how they've overcome" but isn't that the gist of most books? And I'd argue that the topic of this book definitely is NOT boring.

Febos writes about her experience as a dominatrix in NYC in her early 20s. Frankly, I was shocked to learn about some of the things people are into. I mean, this stuff is freak-kay. Seriously. I've always c...more
Kristina
Melissa Febos gives the reader a clear look at the sex industry that she worked in for 4 years. Although she initially had a glamourous, Hollywood-ish view of being a domme and working in a sex industry (she compared it to a David Lynch movie), she gradually realized that the reality was far different. Febos does not treat herself kindly--she exposes all her weaknesses, her foibles, and offers them all up to the reader. She battles thru heroin and cocaine addiction and her addiction to being a d...more
Julia
If you have any interest at all in the world of S&M, this book couches some very graphic descriptions of a Manhattan dungeon in between a young woman's psychological explorations of herself. Ironically, she is the daughter of a Buddhist psychotherapist. Ha! I did wonder at her treatment of the other mistresses in the dungeon (except for those who were her close friends, she was a bit superficial with them), but I respect and admired what a close look she took at herself in all of this. Some...more
Minyoung Lee
After reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and wanting to believe that the world of BDSM is not as sad and codependent as depicted in the story, I decided to read this memoir by a former NYC dominatrix for a "real" perspective. I probably also expected way too much from this book, having read it reviewed on NPR twice, once for its hardcover edition, and once for its paperback edition. My response after reading the book honestly is, what were you thinking, NPR? Really, that's it?

Throughout the entire bo...more
Marichee
This is an insightful book that takes us into the semi-dark world of professional BDSM. As a professional and successful Dominatrix, Ms Febos shows us how life can get boring, while balancing it with the shock and horror of other people's fetishes. A very intersting look at a world I've only seen as an outsider.

One thing that was super interestng to me - Ms Febos describes what it is like being addicted to heroin and why one would use it in the first place. This was quite eye opening, and while...more
Bynumamanda
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Ruth
I heard the author on Fresh Air and thought I must get this. A book by an academic about her experiences as a Dominatrix and addict. What could be better? On Amazon, there were only two reviews and both gave it 2 stars out of 5. I resisted, then in a weak moment, purchased it. I figured, they must be wrong and it would give me some good Saturday evening conversation. The information about the Dominatrix activity was very interesting. What was most interesting was how strange and routine the clie...more
Rahadyan
I bought Whip Smart -- Melissa Febos's chronicle of her life before, during and short after she worked as a professional dominatrix -- only a few months after I had left a job of 22 years. That job was certainly not as noteworthy but it defined much of who I was during those years.

I took up the book again after meeting again in person many people I had not seen in 30 years. In meeting my old friends and classmates, I had some revelations about the differences between how others perceived me and...more
Anna
An enjoyable read - a memoir that fully examines the author's own past and current psychological state, not acting as an expert, but as a genuine search for knowledge, and brutally honest in the telling. In fact, this feels like a more honest version of "A Million Little Pieces" (although time will tell). I felt like there was just the right blend of internal musing and assessment, broken up by interesting and sometimes depressing anecdotes of the author's job as a dominatrix, drug addiction, an...more
Jennifer Vanbenschoten
I read this book because of the interview I heard on NPR with the author, Melissa Febos. I expected it to be more intellectual than it was, and I certainly didn't expect it to really be about the author's struggle with drug addiction and recovery. (I was also a little disturbed to see how many grammatical errors and typos there were in the book!) I can't say that I "enjoyed" the book, because come on, how enjoyable can it be to read about the strange sado/masochist sexual preferences of her clie...more
Danny Fritz
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
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Whip Smart: The True Story of a Secret Life (Paperback)
Whip Smart: A Memoir (ebook)
Whip Smart: A Memoir (Kindle Edition)
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Melissa Febos is the author of the critically acclaimed memoir, WHIP SMART (Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin’s Press), which Kirkus Reviews said, “Expertly captures grace within depravity.” Among other places, her writing has been featured in Hunger Mountain, Glamour, Salon, Dissent, The Southeast Review, Redivider, The Rambler, Storyscape Journal, The New York Times, Bitch Magazine, The Rumpus, and...more
More about Melissa Febos...
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“Back and forth from Brooklyn to Manhattan. New York at night, from its bridges, is a miracle. When I first came to the city, it took all my fantasies and set them on fire, turned them into flickering constellations of light. Then it did the same with my history. As a dark speck of energy hurtling over the water toward that galaxy, I felt myself disappear. Relative to the image of infinity I was nothing, a clump of quantum matter skidding through the ether. It was as good as any drug.” 8 people liked it
“We kissed for two hours. Eventually, I led him into my bedroom and pulled off both of our shirts. He stopped me.
"This might sound weird; it's not typical guy response." I froze, suddenly awkward. "I mean, if I didn't feel the way I do with you I would be all for it, but I kind of think maybe it would be good to wait. I've rushed into sex, and had it be a mistake." He shrugged apologetically. "I mean, if it's safe to assume you are experiencing the same date that I am, then I think we will have time."
I was a little flabbergasted and more than a little embarrassed. How could I explain that the idea sounded like a huge relief to me, that I didn't quite understand where the impulse to start taking my clothes off came from? I had had the same experience. I rarely enjoyed first-time sex with partners, largely because I usually did it before I really knew or trusted them. Here was where the difference between what I knew and did remained wide. The shame I felt wash over me was tinged with that hatred of my own innocence. Was I still so green? So unconfident? Had I gone straight out of the extremity of sex work to the innocence of my adolescence? Where was my self-knowledge? Still, I was relieved.
"Of course. I agree totally." I clutched my T-shirt to my chest and smiled at him. "And yes, I am on the same date you are on."
"I thought so," he said. "I mean, I don't think you can feel like this when it's not reciprocal."
He left at 2:00 A.M. and called me at 11:00 the next morning to schedule our second date.”
4 people liked it
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