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Whip Smart: A Memoir

by Melissa Febos (Goodreads Author)

3.34 of 5 stars 3.34 · rating details · 1,072 ratings · 204 reviews

A dark, wild, powerful memoir about a young woman’s transformation from college student to professional dominatrix

While a college student at The New School, Melissa Febos spent four years working as a dominatrix in a midtown dungeon. In poetic, nuanced prose she charts how unchecked risk-taking eventually gave way to a course of self-destruction. But as she recounts cros...more

Hardcover, 278 pages

Published March 2nd 2010 by Thomas Dunne Books (first published February 27th 2010)

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Aug 08, 2011 Judah rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-biography, nook, waste-of-paper

I contemplated one star, but she does have a few insightful moments. What springs to mind first is the vanity on display in the book. Someone holds herself in very high regard. (which, despite what a commenter on another review says, is NOT the same as being proud of one's self) There were moments when I caught myself thinking that if I were to unfortunately find myself trapped in conversation with her, I'd need an icepick for my ear-drums.

What comes to mind next is that it frequently felt like...more

10 likes · like · see review

May 21, 2012 Jafar rated it 2 of 5 stars

I’ve long decided to avoid any book of memoir that only intends to say, “look at how fucked up I am,” or, “look what an asshole I am.” Their misplaced and gratuitous narcissism nauseates me. I thought this book would be different. While I've never been tempted to read Belle de Jour and its likes, the memoir of a professional dominatrix sounded intriguing. I wasn’t interested in why some men pay to subject themselves to pain and humiliation, but was more trying to see what kind a woman does that...more

8 likes · like · see review

Dec 16, 2010 Jen Knox rated it 5 of 5 stars

I have to appreciate any woman who tells a story like this without saying, "Look, look what happened to me," but rather "I got seduced by a world that is less glamorous than it seems." OK, so much for literary analysis, but hey, I'm not in the business of that. I'm in the business of reading memoir for pleasure, and while I can't deny the craft of the thing, I did enjoy Febos' story because it felt genuine above all else.

Admittedly, this is a book I thought I might relate to long before I read i...more

7 likes · like · see review

Jun 22, 2011 Shushlibrarian rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: anthropology-culture, memoir-biography

I heard about this memoir on NPR and from the interview, it sounded quirky and a bit more fun-spirited. The actual book was a complete downer. The author's drug addiction didn't interest me and her experiences in "the dungeon" were disgusting (and I'm NOT a prude by any means)and twisted. I guess I didn't realize quite how much sexual contact was involved in being a dominatrix or how much brutal violence and bloodshed. I'd kind of assumed that the whole S&M thing was pretty much a mind trip...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jun 16, 2010 Maria rated it 4 of 5 stars

great story. It made me think of the Moulin Rouge really...an amazing book. I was stunned and impressed on how much I liked it. sends a great message across about female independence and showing men they are undeserving of the great women they are lucky to have. I learned about Dommes..I never knew exactly what they were. I assumed they were sluts...prostitutes, but I was way wrong. they are strong, beautiful women who control men with desire. I love this. its great. I found myself laughing at...more

2 likes · like · see review

Jan 02, 2011 Kiesha rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

I picked this up on my last east-to-west coast trip when I realized that I had no reading material to ease the long flight. It is about a young woman who goes to New York for college and becomes a dominatrix in a Midtown dungeon somewhere along the way.

I loved the concrete-jungle-where-dreams-are-made feel to this memoir and the blatant yearning for that intangible, story book, bright lights, big city WONDER that is the city. Ahhh, New York...

This is very much a memoir and is all about the autho...more

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May 20, 2010 Shana rated it 2 of 5 stars

I was intrigued when I heard the interview on NPR; after reading her book I can say without question she is a much better interviewer than she is writer. Whip Smart is clearly the result of a pretty face, an interesting job, and an absolutely AMAZING publicist.

Given her career choice I’m apprehensive to use the word boring; perhaps she was so mentally removed from her own story, her own apathetic voice was the only thing that resonated with me. I wanted to hear more about her days, and this mys...more

15 likes · like · see review

Apr 25, 2010 Ruhegeist rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebook, non-fiction, bio

heard a tiny bit of Febos' interview on NPR and was intrigued enough to find and listen to it in full. look forward to reading her book.

i'm really not sure how to rate this book, so i'm giving it 3. i could go either up or down a star. i can agree with all the points other reviewers have made. self indulgent, brutally matter of fact. am i just annoyed with the happily-ever-afterness of the end? some of the disjointedness of the sections/writing? definitely some good and enlightening passages th...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jan 20, 2013 Twilight rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: sex, bdsm, sociology, psychology

Well, that was disappointing. The author is a young woman who becomes a dominatrix and chronicles her journey of her time in a "dungeon" or workplace. I first read about it on NPR and was grossed out not by the content, but the prudes who insisted such filth should not be on an entity like NPR.

While they weren't right in my opinion, I found the book really wasn't all that great. It started off really well, with her discussing what it's like to work in a dungeon as a mistress and describes severa...more

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Aug 03, 2011 Simon rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A few years ago I might never have picked up Whip Smart, cowed by its sexuality and firm in my belief that we'd all be better off without most of the memoirs being written. The seeling point of the book is of course Melissa Febos' (aka "Justine") description of four years spent working as a dominatrix in a Manhattan dungeon. The practices and fetishes that Febos describes responding to in her clients may thrill or disturb you (this is not a book for those put off by frank sexuality) but the bdsm...more

1 like · like · see review

Jun 28, 2011 Nathaniel rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

Febos writes about becoming a dominatrix with maturity and compassion--prerequisites, as far as I'm concerned, for deserving a readership in spite of using sex to sell your prose. She avoids taking cheap shots at the men who she dominates and avoids using her book as a condemnation or an apology. This is largely because she is preoccupied with herself and with what impact her decisions are having on her own life and identity.

If you've got low tolerance for extremely self-aware and process-orient...more

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Feb 15, 2011 Christaaahh rated it 3 of 5 stars

Heard an interview with the author on NPR awhile back and ordered the book right away. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/st...

I especially LOVE memoirs of dark things such as sex, drugs, rock & roll. So naturally I was drawn to this particular memoir because it highlighted the author’s life in sex work and her struggle with drug use.

Going into the book I set myself up of course expecting a happy ending but leading up to it I was excited to read into a world that I knew nothing of and was cu...more

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Apr 05, 2010 R.G. Evans rated it 2 of 5 stars

In a recent "Studio 360" interview, Mary Karr, responding to a remark about the influence her memoir "The Liar's Club" has had on the publishing world, said that there are a lot of bad memoirs out there that she just wasn't responsible for.

I'm afraid "Whip Smart" might just be another of those memoirs.

Who would think that a memoir about a college student moonlighting as a professional dominatrix could be . . . boring? But, to me, "Whip Smart" was just that. In fact, by comparison to the life pre...more

5 likes · like · see review

Mar 28, 2010 christa rated it 3 of 5 stars

Terry Gross is the voice in my head who indirectly tells me what to do. And this time, the host of NPR's "Fresh Air" introduced me to a young former dominatrix who practiced her craft while juggling heroin and a 3.9 GPA in college -- and then wrote about it in the memoir "Whip Smart" by Melissa Febos.

This is exactly the sort of thing I like to read. Addiction memoirs -- especially complicated well-written ones -- are my Twinkies hidden under the bed.

Febos' interest in the domme lifestyle is pi...more Terry Gross is the voice in my head who indirectly tells me what to do. And this time, the host of NPR's "Fresh Air" introduced me to a young former dominatrix who practiced her craft while juggling heroin and a 3.9 GPA in college -- and then wrote about it in the memoir "Whip Smart" by Melissa Febos.

This is exactly the sort of thing I like to read. Addiction memoirs -- especially complicated well-written ones -- are my Twinkies hidden under the bed.

Febos' interest in the domme lifestyle is piqued when she moves to New York City and finds out that her next door neighbor, who has a mutual friend, is the kind of person whom men will pay for pleasure of cleaning her toilet. Eventually, our hero is scouring the dungeon ads in alt weeklies and lands a gig in a nondescript joint in the middle of Manhattan. This dungeon is outfitted with rooms catering to various fetishes: A place for cross dressing, a room set up like a medical office, a room that includes a coffin-like space for optimal sensory deprivation. Febos sits in on a few sessions, an on-the-job tutorial from her coworkers, and then she is ready and rarin' to go.

Febos goes on to tells about playing mean mommy, giving enemas, floggings and golden showers. Eventually she agrees to be the submissive for a few trusted customers, she also takes a few freelance gigs, she relishes her show-stopping response to the age-old question "So ... What do you do for a living?"

All the while, she is operating as what seems to be a functioning heroin addict. She injects herself in the bathroom at work, slips off to abandoned areas at parties. She cruises across town to meet her dealer. Aside from some barfing, none of this seems to interrupt her life too much, aside from keeping her habit a secret from close friends. And in the meantime, she's cranking out papers and going to college and maintaining good grades.

This book is pretty compelling, especially the way that Febos is able to write about all sorts of stuff she did, years after doing it, with an even keel and no judgment on her former lifestyle choices -- despite having retired from both drugs and domination. At no point does it become an After School Special with a triumphant conclusion. It's just her story, and it's just interesting.

There is a point where her perspective on what she is doing shifts. Instead of this lifestyle being a source of empowerment, something that makes her stand taller and ooze confidence IRL, she wonders if she has misread everything. Is it more humiliating to be the man playing the role of a naughty boy who must be punished, or is it more humiliating being the one who is paid to hover over his chest and crap on him?
(less)

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Aug 03, 2012 Quanah Edwards rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

After I finished the Fifty Shades trilogy (Of Grey, Darker, Freed), I was ravenous looking for another book dealing with the BDSM lifestyle. While at Vroomans, I saw this on the recommended list and the cover and title intrigued me. A true story about a dominatrix? Yes, one please! Not only was it something in the BDSM range, but when I was 19-21, I wanted to become a dominatrix. I got so far as placing an ad in the Detroit Weekly and when I got a call, I got nervous. I wasn’t as brazen as I tho...more

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Dec 21, 2011 Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2011, must-reads, favorites, anthropology

(There may be a spoiler or two in here – don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Firstly, let me say that I found Melissa Febos’ WHIP SMART to be extremely well-written and knowledgeable… this is truly an unforgettable read. With only an occasional discordant note, Ms Febos' narrative has a ring of truth that makes WHIP SMART a compelling, thought-provoking, and compassionate telling of human frailty… of human need… of human imperfection. I recommend this book without hesitation.

The discordant note(s)? The...more

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Jan 19, 2011 Rachelfm rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: feminist-dystopia, memoir, non-fiction, yowza, post-modern-navel-gazing

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I picked this up because of the Terri Gross interview on NPR and have to say that the interview was more compelling than the book.

I really don't go for a lot of self-reflection from situations that are extremely avoidable, and I also found it irritating how the author seemed to switch between the tone of the memoir and into an academic register. She talked about being an anthropologist in her own life at the time, which I found to be sort of an unnecessary device to describe how we are all aware...more I picked this up because of the Terri Gross interview on NPR and have to say that the interview was more compelling than the book.

I really don't go for a lot of self-reflection from situations that are extremely avoidable, and I also found it irritating how the author seemed to switch between the tone of the memoir and into an academic register. She talked about being an anthropologist in her own life at the time, which I found to be sort of an unnecessary device to describe how we are all aware of our surroundings and ourselves moving within them.

Deploying phrases like 'intellectualizing the fetishism of the female form' made the intention confusing; was it a case study of this tribe of sex-industry workers? Or was it the author trying to distance her new professor self from from her former dominatrix-addict self? Or was she just trying to provide justification that she was smart enough and informed enough to choose this path? I felt like while reading there was this little dominatrix in a latex corset and 7-inch stilettos bouncing up and down going, "I went to college! In New York City! With a 3.9 whatever GPA!"

I guess when you've worked in the sex industry it's something you have to overcome to be taken seriously in other fields.

Essentially the arc of the book goes something like this:
1. Adolescent white female from unremarkable and stable background loses her way for no apparent reason. It's just so hard to be so friggin' smart with unstoppable sex-appeal.
2. Drug habit and college coupled with extreme obsession with exploring her limits lead her to become a dominatrix.
3. She dominatrixes (yes, I conjugated that) for three years.
4. The high from dominatrixing replaces the high from drugs.
5. The realization dawns that being paid to poop on people for money is actually not the paradigm of independent, strong womanhood.
6. Good therapists and non-psycho boyfriends fix everything.
7. Oh, that ALL brushes with the informal sector led to splashy book deals.

The actual personal transformation in this book...a young person moving out of drug addiction...was a pretty compelling piece of the story, but it was a small piece. And yes, as you can imagine the revelations from the chambers within the dungeon were titillating and gross.

I'd really only recommend this if your bookgroup has access to alcohol and you need to get people talking. (less)

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Jul 26, 2011 Hat of Nikitich rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir, sexuality

Three and a half? Three and three-quarters? Whip Smart was really interesting and, in fact, pretty smart. The author is very articulate, even if you might find her hard to relate to, or like. I had personal revelations of my own while reading it, mostly tangential to the book, but I don't think they would have been quite so clear without the sharp writing.

That said, it does devolve from time to time into maudlin introspection and emotional flogging (no pun intended) that can be difficult to trea...more

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Sep 17, 2011 Beren rated it 3 of 5 stars

Hardly "wild and powerful," Whip Smart is far more focused on ex-junkie navel gazing rather than the life of your average dominatrix. Febos is in love with the sound of her own voice, and makes sure that adoration comes through in writing that is both overwrought and overthought. When she talks about other people, the story comes alive; when she talks about how she has a natural born gift of intuition and insight into people's motivations (did you know her mom is a phychologist? No? well, she'll...more

1 like · like · see review

Sep 17, 2010 Tiffany rated it 4 of 5 stars

OK, I really liked this memoir. I read a few reviews that shout "we don't need another boring recap of someone's struggles with drugs/alcohol/insert problem here and how they've overcome" but isn't that the gist of most books? And I'd argue that the topic of this book definitely is NOT boring.

Febos writes about her experience as a dominatrix in NYC in her early 20s. Frankly, I was shocked to learn about some of the things people are into. I mean, this stuff is freak-kay. Seriously. I've always c...more

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Sep 10, 2010 Kristina rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiography-biography-memoir, non-fiction, my-book

Melissa Febos gives the reader a clear look at the sex industry that she worked in for 4 years. Although she initially had a glamourous, Hollywood-ish view of being a domme and working in a sex industry (she compared it to a David Lynch movie), she gradually realized that the reality was far different. Febos does not treat herself kindly--she exposes all her weaknesses, her foibles, and offers them all up to the reader. She battles thru heroin and cocaine addiction and her addiction to being a d...more

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Feb 20, 2012 Julia rated it 3 of 5 stars

If you have any interest at all in the world of S&M, this book couches some very graphic descriptions of a Manhattan dungeon in between a young woman's psychological explorations of herself. Ironically, she is the daughter of a Buddhist psychotherapist. Ha! I did wonder at her treatment of the other mistresses in the dungeon (except for those who were her close friends, she was a bit superficial with them), but I respect and admired what a close look she took at herself in all of this. Some...more

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Aug 17, 2012 Minyoung Lee rated it 2 of 5 stars

After reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and wanting to believe that the world of BDSM is not as sad and codependent as depicted in the story, I decided to read this memoir by a former NYC dominatrix for a "real" perspective. I probably also expected way too much from this book, having read it reviewed on NPR twice, once for its hardcover edition, and once for its paperback edition. My response after reading the book honestly is, what were you thinking, NPR? Really, that's it?

Throughout the entire bo...more

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Aug 24, 2011 Marichee rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography

This is an insightful book that takes us into the semi-dark world of professional BDSM. As a professional and successful Dominatrix, Ms Febos shows us how life can get boring, while balancing it with the shock and horror of other people's fetishes. A very intersting look at a world I've only seen as an outsider.

One thing that was super interestng to me - Ms Febos describes what it is like being addicted to heroin and why one would use it in the first place. This was quite eye opening, and while...more

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Nov 21, 2010 Bynumamanda rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Sep 03, 2011 Ruth rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: kindle

I heard the author on Fresh Air and thought I must get this. A book by an academic about her experiences as a Dominatrix and addict. What could be better? On Amazon, there were only two reviews and both gave it 2 stars out of 5. I resisted, then in a weak moment, purchased it. I figured, they must be wrong and it would give me some good Saturday evening conversation. The information about the Dominatrix activity was very interesting. What was most interesting was how strange and routine the clie...more

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Aug 19, 2011 Rahadyan rated it 4 of 5 stars

I bought Whip Smart -- Melissa Febos's chronicle of her life before, during and short after she worked as a professional dominatrix -- only a few months after I had left a job of 22 years. That job was certainly not as noteworthy but it defined much of who I was during those years.

I took up the book again after meeting again in person many people I had not seen in 30 years. In meeting my old friends and classmates, I had some revelations about the differences between how others perceived me and...more

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May 16, 2010 Anna rated it 4 of 5 stars

An enjoyable read - a memoir that fully examines the author's own past and current psychological state, not acting as an expert, but as a genuine search for knowledge, and brutally honest in the telling. In fact, this feels like a more honest version of "A Million Little Pieces" (although time will tell). I felt like there was just the right blend of internal musing and assessment, broken up by interesting and sometimes depressing anecdotes of the author's job as a dominatrix, drug addiction, an...more

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Aug 05, 2011 Jennifer Vanbenschoten rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read this book because of the interview I heard on NPR with the author, Melissa Febos. I expected it to be more intellectual than it was, and I certainly didn't expect it to really be about the author's struggle with drug addiction and recovery. (I was also a little disturbed to see how many grammatical errors and typos there were in the book!) I can't say that I "enjoyed" the book, because come on, how enjoyable can it be to read about the strange sado/masochist sexual preferences of her clie...more

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Feb 26, 2013 Danny Fritz rated it 3 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This memoir was an attempt by me to read outside my comfortable boundaries.

The parts that made this memoir interesting were the descriptions of her sessions. The sort of things people asked for in dungeons. The dungeon almost seemed like it exists solely to exploit people. You can argue that the things they are asking for aren't exploitation, but I still wonder myself. Like the "Cash in Advance" outlets on the corner that prey on people's inability to learn financing skills, I feel dungeons prey...more This memoir was an attempt by me to read outside my comfortable boundaries.

The parts that made this memoir interesting were the descriptions of her sessions. The sort of things people asked for in dungeons. The dungeon almost seemed like it exists solely to exploit people. You can argue that the things they are asking for aren't exploitation, but I still wonder myself. Like the "Cash in Advance" outlets on the corner that prey on people's inability to learn financing skills, I feel dungeons prey on people's inability to seek therapy for mental problems. For example, being sexually aroused by acting like a teenage slut as an old male probably could benefit from some psychoanalysis. This person could be having gender issues that need to be addressed. But instead can use the dungeon to try to ignore that part about themselves in the rest of their daily lives.

She was an egotistic self-righteous brat when it started, but towards the end she started to figure some things out it seemed. She talked about how much she hated how shallow people were while being completely shallow herself. She was a drug addict and wouldn't admit it to herself. She constantly lied and eventually even fooled herself it seemed. She appeared to judge how much people were worth to her at a 5 second glance. She hated her clients for what they wanted from her, but gladly took money for the service.

Towards the end, her therapist made her think about some of these things, but I feel she didn't change much. Just kind of mellowed out and enjoyed stability for a change after coming off drugs. She had some befuddled desire to not exist consciously, yet live on the edge. This seems to be a somewhat common lifestyle for people with lives entangled with drug use (yes, including alcohol). They just sort of start existing and doing things without feeling any purpose. It takes a long time and a lot of help for them to start getting that purpose and sense of worth back.

And dang it, did I write a rant and not a review? I can't tell.(less)

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About Melissa Febos

Melissa Febos is the author of the critically acclaimed memoir, WHIP SMART (Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin’s Press), which Kirkus Reviews said, “Expertly captures grace within depravity.” Among other places, her writing has been featured in Hunger Mountain, Glamour, Salon, Dissent, The Southeast Review, Redivider, The Rambler, Storyscape Journal, The New York Times, Bitch Magazine, The Rumpus, and...more

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Quotes from Whip Smart: A Memoir

“Back and forth from Brooklyn to Manhattan. New York at night, from its bridges, is a miracle. When I first came to the city, it took all my fantasies and set them on fire, turned them into flickering constellations of light. Then it did the same with my history. As a dark speck of energy hurtling over the water toward that galaxy, I felt myself disappear. Relative to the image of infinity I was nothing, a clump of quantum matter skidding through the ether. It was as good as any drug.” — 8 people liked it

“We kissed for two hours. Eventually, I led him into my bedroom and pulled off both of our shirts. He stopped me.
"This might sound weird; it's not typical guy response." I froze, suddenly awkward. "I mean, if I didn't feel the way I do with you I would be all for it, but I kind of think maybe it would be good to wait. I've rushed into sex, and had it be a mistake." He shrugged apologetically. "I mean, if it's safe to assume you are experiencing the same date that I am, then I think we will have time."
I was a little flabbergasted and more than a little embarrassed. How could I explain that the idea sounded like a huge relief to me, that I didn't quite understand where the impulse to start taking my clothes off came from? I had had the same experience. I rarely enjoyed first-time sex with partners, largely because I usually did it before I really knew or trusted them. Here was where the difference between what I knew and did remained wide. The shame I felt wash over me was tinged with that hatred of my own innocence. Was I still so green? So unconfident? Had I gone straight out of the extremity of sex work to the innocence of my adolescence? Where was my self-knowledge? Still, I was relieved.
"Of course. I agree totally." I clutched my T-shirt to my chest and smiled at him. "And yes, I am on the same date you are on."
"I thought so," he said. "I mean, I don't think you can feel like this when it's not reciprocal."
He left at 2:00 A.M. and called me at 11:00 the next morning to schedule our second date.” — 4 people liked it

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