To Train Up a Child
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To Train Up a Child

2.86 of 5 stars 2.86  ·  rating details  ·  852 ratings  ·  202 reviews
Three thousand years ago, a wise man said, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Good training is not crisis management; it is what you do before the need of discipline arises.



Most parenting is accidental rather than deliberate. Imagine building a house that way. We don’t need to reinvent training. There are child tr...more
Paperback, 122 pages
Published December 1st 1994 by No Greater Joy Ministries (first published August 1st 1994)
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Synesthesia
Nov 19, 2013 Synesthesia rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: No One!
Uh, no. This isn't a good book. It seems to forget that babies and children are in fact babies and children and they are not plotting against you.
When a baby bites its mother's breasts, it's not doing it out of malice, so why pull their hair? Why not stop the kid from nursing and then start again? Why is it necessary to inflict pain on a child that small?
This book advices switching starting at the age of four months. Why?
You mean to tell me that rather than taking your guns and putting them in...more
Ellen
This book is truly monstrous.

I have seen positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.

But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it.

The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the pass...more
Misfit
Aug 17, 2012 Misfit marked it as will-never-read  ·  review of another edition Recommends it for: No one!
I can't believe that a book that encourages child abuse is allowed on the market and has been tied to one couple accused of killing their two adopted children by the *parenting* methods in this book.
Beth
Oct 29, 2007 Beth rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: NO ONE!
This is one of the most horrific, abusive books I have EVER read. This is a how-too book on child abuse. Impressionable Christian parents are most vulnerable. This book is disgusting and dangerous to our children and puts their wellbeing and lives in danger. Educating yourself on the true meaning of the Bible's rod verses and God's grace will show you that this book is not ok with God's plan. In fact the church that the Pearls were associated with have since taken a stand against this book and d...more
Morgan-Britney Morgan-Britney
I hate to give this book even one star.

I remember reading it at a friend's house when I was a girl, and being appalled. Spanking a seven month old because he's being...manipulative? I was very upset.

When I came back to this book many years later, I nearly ripped it up and burned it. I was shocked that someone can condone the beating of children with plumbing pipes and tree branches. The book suggests you let your children burn themselves so they will stay away from fire, tease them with things t...more
Ellen
This book is truly monstrous.

I have seen positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.

But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it.

The juxtaposition of "loving" content, religious content, Pearl's bizarrely jolly tone, and the pas...more
Kristen
Nov 08, 2011 Kristen marked it as are-you-shitting-me
Shelves: bizarre, trash
Yet another 'good Christan' beat their child to death at the instruction of Mr. Pearl.
I'd like to think Jesus would be against beating your six month old baby with a whip, but hey, what do I know?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/07/us/...

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I think after reviewing When Children Invite Child Abuse: A Search for Answers When Love Is Note my love for books about beating children is fairly well known, so imagine...more
Louisa
Nov 20, 2013 Louisa marked it as burn-it-with-fire
Guys, spread the word. This is the actual WORST. It literally advocates child abuse, neglect and torture through corporal punishment. It's been linked to the deaths of three children. Parents buy into this crap because it's couched as "Christian parenting". What a fucking blight on my religion this is, like the Westboro Baptist Church.

Quoted directly from the book:

"Give 10 licks at a time, more if the child resists. Be careful about using it in front of others -- even at church; nosy neighbors
...more
Jess-i-ca ~The Gif Witch~
This book is a piece of garbage! It's basically a book teaching you how to abuse your children! The author should be ashamed!

You call yourself Christian.....

 photo 28681-nicki-minaj-Hell-no-gif-LuBd_zpsf385ee83.gif

http://www.examiner.com/article/anoth...

This is referenced from the above article.
Some of the discipline techniques the Pearls teach include:

Using plastic tubing to beat children, since it hurts a lot but leaves fewer marks to alert authorities
Wearing the plastic tubing around the parent's neck as a constant reminder to obey
"Swatting"...more
Sondre Nilsen
I have no bloody idea how anybody can give this book anything but a scathing review. The contents of the book are abhorrent and horrible on every level. That it has 3.5 stars on this webpage as of this review scares the everloving crap out of me.

Some examples from the book: A child disobeys his father for not wanting to sit in his lap, and what does the father do? Spanks the child for 45 minutes straight. If your baby bites your nipple while nursing you should yank the babies hair. They teach th...more
Anita Dalton
This is one of the wickedest books I have ever read and, given who I am and what I read, that is saying a lot. This is a book so vile, written by a man so degenerate, that there is literally no way for a moral person to discuss it with anything approaching neutrality. It is a book written solely with the intent of breaking the wills of small children, beating them into submission, and it has become a text used by witless Christian parents to beat their “willful” children to death. And Michael Pe...more
Victoria Carrington
Please Christian parents- remember that you have direct access to the throne of grace for your time of need through JesuscChrist. Pray and ask God directly how you should train up your kids in the way they should go. God will give wisdom liberally to those who ask. Jesus left us a legacy of how he treated children which is written in the Gospels.

We serve a God of unfathomable love and grace toward even the most unworthy among us. How dare we listen to a book that advises us to treat children as...more
Rachel
Will write a complete review later.

Ok. If this review isn't in my typically balanced and calm style, there's a reason. I hate this book. I hate what the authors stand for and how it has destroyed lives. I hate the mindset that demands parents "break a child's will".

I don't have a copy of this book, so I'm not going to be able to give you a page number. Many other reviewers do offer in-depth critiques of the book complete with quotes and page numbers.

The Pearls believe that children are inherentl...more
Erin Wilson
Would never, EVER recommend this book. Not only is it the epitome of lazy parenting, it's dangerous. Three adopted children have died from this, and I don't doubt that many more children, adopted or otherwise, have developed phobias and various other anxiety problems. The result of these teachings are joyless, broken children, not children with any sort of enthusiasm for the Lord or life at all. Children, selfish as they may be, are simply looking to satisfy their down desires, not test or manip...more
Anne Moser
This book has been cited as being instrumental in the deaths of at least three children:

Sean Paddock - suffocated

Lydia Schatz - beaten

Hana Williams - starvation and hypothermia

I'm a survivor of Pearl-type teachings. Their formulas do NOT create "emotionally stable" children, as the Pearls claim. Instead, they create robots. They talk about creating "bonds" with your children, while at the same time advocating breaking your children. Here are some direct quotes from this book:

"...if you are just...more
Camille
I get so sad when I see the 'Christian Parenting' excuse for the child abuse advocated in this book.

As a Christ follower and a parent, I want to show my kids God's love, teach them God's ways, equip them with the wisdom to know God's path for them, and the courage to follow it. So let's chuck out all the hear-say and see what the Bible, God's word teaches:

Matthew 7:12:
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (NIV 2011)
Galatians...more
Jim
Nov 19, 2013 Jim marked it as do-not-read
This book is being held as responsible in three cases of parents killing their children by following its advice.
http://www.examiner.com/article/anoth...

I believe the parents are entirely responsible for their own behavior. Of course, they're obviously stupid, irrational, & ripe for the picking of such con men as the Pearl's, but none of that is excuse enough to torture children to death.

I don't like convicting books or people without some background, so I checked out their FB page & didn...more
Ellen
This book is truly monstrous.

I see positive reviews that cite the fact that Pearl promotes relationship-building, and point to that as a counterbalance to the spanking. People who love the book seem to want us to believe that, because so much of the book is about kindness, that it somehow "cancels out" the "small" amount of violence.

But I find that one of the most terrifying things about it. And, yes, I have read and re-read the whole thing, quite a few times.

The juxtaposition of "loving" conten...more
Rob Finking
This is horrendous and evil. What makes it so vile is that it is presented as nice and loving. It reminds me of Umbridge (from Harry Potter) - pink and fluffy and happy to torture children.

Children have died because of this book, and that's just the ones we know about. How many people are being damaged by this? It presents itself as "good" and intertwines things from the bible with horrible evil ideas: Using plastic tubing to beat children, since it hurts a lot but leaves fewer marks to alert au...more
Stuti (Turmeric isn't your friend. It will fly your ship
As a victim of child abuse, I find this abhorrent. Michael Pearl, I haven't read your book but fuck you! FUCK YOU! Please sign this petition to get it removed from Amazon

https://www.change.org/petitions/amaz...
Adrienne
May 29, 2007 Adrienne rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Any parent
This is a great book for learning to be proactive instead of reactive in child training. Teach them when they are young..if you wait it will be harder on you and your child.
Ginger
Nov 19, 2013 Ginger rated it 1 of 5 stars
Shelves: dnf
This is not a question of do you spank your child? This is a question of do you beat your child into submission, deprive them of food, put them out in the cold, hose them off, force them to take cold baths and hit your 6 month old with a stick? All to make them submit to you because your are bigger, stronger, smarter. Reminds me of Matilda "Im big, your are small, I am smart you are dumb, I am right you are wrong"
Way to raise a bright confident child that will become a well balanced adult.
That...more
Sara
A book that endorses child abuse:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_...

Anyone rating this book a 5 should have child protective services called to make sure their children are still alive.
Rachael
ooh where to start. This book perpetuates child abuse and domination. It is inacurate at best.
Christina
If I could give this less than one star I would. I read this book because I thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as people were saying. It is worse than I ever imagined. Pearl seems to think that he can use double talk to trick the reader into thinking they are not harming their child by following his technique. He makes a big deal about saying that he is training his children not disciplining them, but then he uses training in a way that it become synonymous to spanking. In addition, he liber...more
Tamara
To Train Up a Child is an extremely poor book for parenting advise. This is ABUSE, not parenting. I've never hit my kids and know plenty of others that don't as well and they're respectful, creative, amazing, fun, intelligent, kind, and caring individuals. You don't have to hit your children to earn their trust and respect. In fact, you're only earning fear. You don't need to create a mindless, submissive fearful zombie follower in order to have a "happy" family. Hitting a child at all, especial...more
Anne Moser
This book has been cited as being instrumental in the deaths of at least three children:

Sean Paddock - suffocated

Lydia Schatz - beaten

Hana Williams - starvation and hypothermia

I'm a survivor of Pearl-type teachings. Their formulas do NOT create "emotionally stable" children, as the Pearls claim. Instead, they create robots. They talk about creating "bonds" with your children, while at the same time advocating breaking your children. Here are some direct quotes from this book:

"...if you are just...more
Litchick (is stuck in the 19th century)
Nov 20, 2013 Litchick (is stuck in the 19th century) marked it as nuke-it-from-the-orbit
Brie

I decided to read this book out of pure curiosity. I read so many horrendous reviews that when I came across a free online reading, I tackled it right away, expecting to read a near horror story on raising children by beating them half to death.

While there are definitely ideas/practices on child rearing that are somewhat off-putting (that I simply can't go into great detail about), I also saw many positives. In all reality, many of the practices are actually very similar to how I was raise; and...more
Mitch Graves
The problem with this review star system is that we don't get to see the children of those who give it a terrible rating. BUT if you read through them you will see some subtle admissions such as "I admit my children are not the best behaved" Um...Say what? Why not? Mine are invariable the best behaved in pretty much every situation. Mine were so well behaved that my very big name attorney brother and my family court judge sister BOTH asked us for parenting advice. So I'll be the 1st to SHOW the...more
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To All Those Who Follow These CULT Ritiuals... 14 79 Apr 20, 2014 12:32PM  
I have compared this to some other more sinister things 1 6 Jan 29, 2014 08:03AM  
Horrible. 2 21 Dec 11, 2013 06:25PM  
♥!The Young Adult...: PLEASE READ: YOU COULD SAVE LIVES 1 38 Nov 21, 2013 08:47AM  
One Important Reason to NEVER Spank Your Child 1 44 Sep 11, 2013 06:45AM  
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Michael and Debi Pearl were both raised in Memphis, Tennessee, in good homes, by parents who were faithful to point them to God. Mike, a graduate of Mid-South Bible College in Memphis (now Victory University), has been active in evangelism and the work of the ministry since he was a teenager. He worked with Union Mission in Memphis for 25 years, while he and Debi also ministered to the many milita...more
More about Michael Pearl...
No Greater Joy: Volume One No Greater Joy: Volume Three Jumping Ship: What to do so your children don't jump ship to the world when they get older Good and Evil No Greater Joy: Volume Two

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