The Ten Year Nap

by
Meg Wolitzer

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The Ten Year Nap

by Meg Wolitzer

2.81 of 5 stars 2.81 · rating details · 3,928 ratings · 1,048 reviews

From the bestselling author of The Wife and The Position, a feverishly smart novel about female ambition, money, class, motherhood, and marriage-and what happens in one community when a group of educated women chooses not to work.

For a group of four New York friends, the past decade has been largely defined by marriage and motherhood. Educated and reared to believe that...more

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Mar 31, 2008 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I almost didn't agree to reviewing The Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer because I was wary of the subject matter: stay at home mothers. I tend to get all prickly and weird around this topic because it is SO loaded and I realize that even though I have often BEEN at home during my children's lives, I do not want to be considered or think of myself as a SAHM. I've always worked part time or at home. I used to say, "I'm a stay at home mom, but my kids are not stay at home kids." (they went to daycare/p...more

18 likes · like · see review

Apr 29, 2008 Erika rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I wanted so much to give this book five stars. It was soooooo good for the first 300 pages, talking about the nuances of motherhood, feminism and women's worlds in the US as lived through four women who gather every week at a diner in New York City to talk about (in)fidelity, love, work, children, and -- for the token smart Asian woman -- numbers.
The writing is fluid, smart, funny and right-on; the story better (These highly educated women have left careers to mother their kids and hate being as...more

13 likes · like · see review

Apr 15, 2011 Debby rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This isn't a book I would normally be drawn to read, but the title intrigued me. I decided to read it more for curiosity sake, knowing full well what I was getting into, as far as the feminist agenda goes.
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The Ten Year Nap is about 4 friends who were raised hearing the feminism message, "As a woman, you can be anything you want. You can do anything you want. You can have it all and you deserve it!" So they each pursued the college, marriage and career route until, around the age of 30, they be...more

8 likes · like · see review

Jun 28, 2008 Angie rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I wish I could say I didn't like this book just because I built it up in my head too much while waiting for the other 20 library holds before me, but I'm sure this isn't the only reason. The moms in this book are a world apart from the moms I associate with, and maybe I'd like this book more in another ten years. The book didn't seem to capture the stress and chaos that mothers experience, but maybe that's because the main character has one 10 year old child. With 3 children who are not yet old...more

9 likes · like · see review

Jun 22, 2008 Rebecca rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is a perfect example of relativity. Looked at from a certain perspective, apparently, it is funny and sympathetic and a right on evaluation of modern motherhood. Looked at from another, there isn't a true note in it and all that humor and seeming sympathy are moot because its careless plot and unhelpable characters seem to lose the author's interest. And no wonder! There's really nothing interesting in their lives except for their own silent pondering and fretting over their priveleged...more This book is a perfect example of relativity. Looked at from a certain perspective, apparently, it is funny and sympathetic and a right on evaluation of modern motherhood. Looked at from another, there isn't a true note in it and all that humor and seeming sympathy are moot because its careless plot and unhelpable characters seem to lose the author's interest. And no wonder! There's really nothing interesting in their lives except for their own silent pondering and fretting over their priveleged lives. Fine! We all fret and ponder, no matter how priveleged we are. It's the human condition! So make something of it! Show us some deeper purpose to our suffering! Reveal how this longing ... oh, wait, I thought I was reading Virginia Woolf there for a minute. Right, this is just popular fiction, and Meg Wolitzer has, in the end, just cheaply made hash of the question of what a woman is to do with her life. At first, she seems sympathetic to the competing demands -- not everyone, it turns out, has a passion to work, and sometimes that passion can take a toll that has to be paid for by other people. Fine, a little sympathetic. But Wolitzer misses the point of how complicated these matters are and doesn't in the end allow her main heroine to have any sort of transcendent realization that would help us all out of this tricky situation. Being the best caretaker of your own children seems a romantic notion that in the end manifests not very much. Better for them to be in the care of underpaid (and probably benefit-less) nannies while their mothers pursue their artistic, scientific or financial dreams. The nanny, it appears, is the one who gets the most job satisfaction out of raising polite, well-fed children.
Obviously, from my point of view. the book is not funny. Maybe I'm touchy because I have chosen to take care of my children and wonder what will all come of it myself. Maybe I wanted her to give me some answers. Maybe I just wish her characters didn't whine so much about their priveleged lives. Maybe Wolitzer and I just have different expectations from books.(less)

11 likes · like · see review

Apr 21, 2008 Sonya rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm not much for recounting plot in a mini-review. You can read the backmatter and blurbs if you want to know what happens in this novel. Had I been able, I would have given this book 3.5 stars, but can't bump it all the way up to four. The novel is successful in linking the concepts of women in pre- and post-9/11 life and the work they do or do not do, but does not construct a complete world where these characters are supposedly living. The tone is almost too polemic, and there are some plot co...more

6 likes · like · see review

May 29, 2008 Mara rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: family, fiction, marriage, new-york, women

Chapters in this novel alternate between the modern-day lives of a group of women in New York City, all of whom have left careers behind to raise their children, and stories of their mothers or other women from an earlier generation, all of whom are feminists in their own way.

Wolitzer is telling us two things, I think. First, by contrasting the lives of mothers in the 1960s and '70s with those of their daughters in the late '90s and early 21st century, Wolitzer asks questions about what happened...more

5 likes · like · see review

Apr 21, 2008 Nicole rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: women

The Ten Year Nap is an easy, enjoyable read. I am not a fan of 'mommy lit', but this is smart and real. An ensemble of characters share the stage with the main character, Amy. We hear all of their stories, plus a few historical figures give light to their own life and times.

This novel examines what kinds of choices women make as mothers and wives, in an honest, however general way. The book doesn't go deep, but wide, and with that choice we get a glimpse at several lives but never really uncover...more

4 likes · like · see review

Apr 11, 2008 Jeff rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I absolutely adore Meg Wolitzer! She is, perhaps, one of the most amazingly astute, proufoundly incisive, and brilliantly comic authors writing today. I still think "The Wife" is her most realized book to date, but "The Ten-Year Nap" is her most ambitious and, in many ways, the best novel she has written. Not only are the characters in this book thoroughly fleshed-out and spectacular in depth and coloration, but the writing is also so rich and so nuanced that I found myself savoring what the aut...more

5 likes · like · see review

Jul 30, 2009 Ruby rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was interested in this book because though I haven't accepted SAHM as an identity, it happens to be what I am doing. On Facebook I told a friend, "It's a cautionary tale."

The story was placed badly in my reading life. It came after Eat Pray Love, which I found to be enlightening and uplifting. This book brought me back down, and hard.

Probably my greatest critique of the story (besides its juxtaposition in my life) was that the central character, Amy (who I found kind of annoying) repeatedly wo...more

2 likes · like · see review

Jul 27, 2008 Sarah Cler rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: moms, particularly stay at home moms

If I could, I would give this three and a half stars. Very mixed feelings about this one. First of all, this is the first Meg Wolitzer book I've read and I think she's a brilliantly talented writer. Her sentences are like works of art, and she captures characters and life moments with such precision it's almost painful.

The book chronicles four upper middle class Manhattan women friends in their late 30s/early 40s, all of whom have given up their careers (some high-powered, some not) to stay hom...more If I could, I would give this three and a half stars. Very mixed feelings about this one. First of all, this is the first Meg Wolitzer book I've read and I think she's a brilliantly talented writer. Her sentences are like works of art, and she captures characters and life moments with such precision it's almost painful.

The book chronicles four upper middle class Manhattan women friends in their late 30s/early 40s, all of whom have given up their careers (some high-powered, some not) to stay home and raise children. Each of them have hit the decade mark in their stay-at-home careers (hence the title) and are somewhat consumed by self doubt, aimlessness, and guilt. The protagonist, Amy, befriends a working mother who's in the midst of a torrid extramarital affair; the affair and the Amy's preoccupation with her new cheatin' friend causes a ripple effect of conflict and controversy amongst the circle of friends. Along the way Wolitzer examines a sea of peripheral characters as well, including the women's husbands, mothers, and a handful of female acquaintances.

Wolitzer's explorations of so many characters is what kept me from giving the book a higher rating. This is just personal preference on my part - I love delving into a few characters instead of getting samples of a lot of characters. She also uses flashbacks quite liberally, which I always find a bit jarring as a reader, especially if I'm particularly riveted by a lead character's current situation, as I was with Amy's.

The themes, Wolitzer's ability to capture wife-and-motherhood in all its monotony and tedium hits almost too close to home. Also, I think Wolitzer is making a final judgment (though subtle, which I give her a lot of credit for) about a woman's decision to stay at home and raise children, and the judgment is a negative one. She is quietly critical of, though sympathetic to, the lot of a woman who puts her career on hold (or abandons it) to focus on her family and household. Ouch. A particularly rough, though insightful, conclusion for a reader who happens to be a stay-at-home mom. (less)

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Jun 01, 2008 Mehrsa rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I really enjoyed this book. (I think I would give it 4 and a half stars.) In fact, I didn't want it to end. It felt like I was having a nice conversation with friends in the same position that I am--or I guess that I will be in about 10 years. The book is about four women in NYC that have given up careers to raise children and now their children are grown. The women are pretty realistic (except, one of the characters who seems a bit two-dimensional) and they are interesting. The book may have ju...more

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Aug 25, 2008 Elizabeth rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: bookclub

I didn't get this read in time for book club, though I went anyway—so I had the distinct disadvantage (advantage?) of reading with preconceived notions. No one in book club particularly cared for this, falling on the spectrum of "didn't like it AT ALL" to "meh" to "it was an OK book club book but that's it."

That having been said, I actually liked it quite a bit. If I could rate in half stars, I would give this a 3.5. If the ridiculously useless parts about Margaret Thatcher's secretary, the pain...more

1 like · like · see review

Jun 19, 2008 Deirdre Keating rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I didn't like it, but I couldn't give it one star. It wasn't painful to read. And I realize it's not really fair to judge a book for not being the book you wanted it to be.

Ironically, I put down The Emperor's Children last month because I was so tired of NYC characters. Little did I know this one would be even more of that world.

I enjoyed Jill's story, her struggle of making her way in a new community, and judging herself so harshly as she bonds with her daughter. Most of the others seemed like...more

1 like · like · see review

Apr 16, 2009 Shannon rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Not sure if I loved because it was a fine piece of literature of because I can relate to it, but I highly recommend this book to any moms out there. It was well-written, accurate story of women in NYC and how motherhood affected their lives. Sounds like beach-read chic-lit, but has much more depth than that. Entertaining and thought provoking, you will enjoy this book, especially if you are in the 35-55 age range.

2 likes · like · see review

May 24, 2008 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I loved the idea of this book. I, like so many women, wrestle with the possibility of balance between career and family life, and Wolitzer seeks to show this struggle in all its complexity. But in the end, I don't think she really nails it. Somehow, the idea that not working outside of the home is a "nap" derails the potential of the story. The labor of child care is missing, as is the angst working women feel when they "miss things" in their children's lives.

I wish there were fewer characters...more

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Jun 25, 2008 Lisa rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Very interesting. Stay-home moms of 10-year olds (they were professionals then dropped off at birth of 1st child). Everyone has struggles; interesting changes of perspective from present to women of generations past. But:...spoiler alert, if you have not read it, stop now if you think you'll read it.

Are you kidding me? Everyone takes 10 years off the career path and then most go back to jobs, albeit different jobs, with hardly no problems? Out of all those women, no husbands turn them in for tro...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jun 30, 2008 Kim rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

i wanted to like it ~ and actually i did like the first third of the book - then it went off on some weird tangents that i thought were silly and boring. nothing ever happens. and though i am a stay-at-home mom myself, i didn't really identify too much with any of the characters. i understood some of their struggles, but i couldn't get over how they dealt with things - the main character just stayed in denial - she was completely unaware of her surroundings - and then got all caught up in anothe...more

1 like · like · see review

Apr 26, 2008 Nette rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Most of the reviews so far seem to focus on the book's "issue", mothers who give up their jobs to stay at home with the kids. To me, this is simply a very well-written, almost old-fashioned novel, with excellent characterization and perfect dialog.

Unlike the once-good Jodi Picoult (who would have had one of the stay-at-home moms kill her husband and then, in a shocking twist, reveal that her husband had embezzled millions in home mortgage scams, including one that ruined her own struggling, blu...more

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Dec 07, 2008 Marie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: women who work outside of the home, and those who are primary caregivers

Shelves: women, fiction

When I first started on goodreads, I gave lots of my books 5 stars, but I'm a bit of a harder grader now. The word "amazing" is what did it to me. How many books have I read that are truly "amazing"? Not many.

I really, really enjoyed The Ten-Year Nap. It was a great classic novel, full of lots of background and character development--not only of the four main women in the story, but also of their parents! I liked the way Wolitzer explored the internal battles and decision-making processes women...more

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Jun 22, 2010 Cathy Day rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: mrs-cole-porter

This book speaks directly to the beating heart of many women's lives. I have noticed reading the reviews here that many women were not able to finish the book because of its culturally loaded subject matter. That is a shame, because this book deserves to be read and discussed widely--by all kinds of mothers, by women who are not mothers (as I am not), and also by men. There are many rewards to be found in these pages. Here's my favorite quote: "'I think,' said Amy, 'that everyone's marriage is s...more

1 like · like · see review

Apr 13, 2008 Karlin rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Mothers

As a mother who quit work to stay at home with her child, I could certainly relate to each of women in this novel in some way. I enjoyed the read.

Ms. Wolitzer takes on the difficult task of describing how challenging it is to give up something that has defined you for something else that defines you in an entirely different way. Ms. Wolitzer gets to the core of the issue pretty well.

However, I'm not certain I would recommend this book to anyone without children or isn't planning to have any in t...more

1 like · like · see review

Sep 09, 2008 Jackie rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: moms

The lives of these women hit close to home. They all ask the question, "What next?" once their children become school aged and more independent. I liked the message that our mothers and grandmothers paved the way for us to have the choice to work, stay at home, or do a combination of both. There is little judgment passed on what each woman does with her time, education, and ambition. But I can't help but wonder, "What do our mothers and grandmothers really think about how far women have come and...more

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Mar 18, 2011 Mary-Beth rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Lots of telling, not a lot of showing

Balancing a high-powered career and motherhood is a difficult proposition, one that the four main characters in this book decided to opt out of, for various reasons, when their children were born. Now, ten years later, living in and around NYC, they are mostly sunk in middle-age malaise. They're not as involved in their children's lives as they used to be, and not really interested in going back to work, and overall dissatisfied. The novel aspires to be a sor...more

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Mar 23, 2009 Myckyee rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Amy Buckner, a stay-at-home mother in New York, finds herself at loose ends when she realizes that her 10 year old son doesn’t need her so much anymore and her best friend moves away. She continues to go through the motions, meeting friends for breakfast most mornings at a local café but Amy knows something is missing and she doesn’t know how to find it or how to start looking. Into this growing void falls Penny Ramsey, who she gets to know while both are assigned to ‘safety walk’ around their c...more Amy Buckner, a stay-at-home mother in New York, finds herself at loose ends when she realizes that her 10 year old son doesn’t need her so much anymore and her best friend moves away. She continues to go through the motions, meeting friends for breakfast most mornings at a local café but Amy knows something is missing and she doesn’t know how to find it or how to start looking. Into this growing void falls Penny Ramsey, who she gets to know while both are assigned to ‘safety walk’ around their childrens’ school. Amy discovers that Penny’s life is much more interesting than her own; she’s a museum director and her husband is a wealthy businessman. They have no financial problems and on the surface everything seems great. Amy begins a friendship with Penny that seems to fill the empty holes in her own life.

This novel explores the issues surrounding women at different stages in their lives. Questions arise about decisions to stay at home while one’s children are young and then not so young, friendship, marriage and family and careers. It delves into loyalty and betrayal, shallowness and profundity. The choices aren’t easy to make and mostly not perfect, but are often the best possible solution for the given stage of life.

I found this book to be thought provoking and relevant, as most of us at some time in our lives must decide about one or another of the issues that the various characters deal with. Should we stay at home while the children are young or entrust them to a daycare or babysitter? Can we afford to stay at home? And if we do go for that option, once the children are in school, then what?

The author addresses some of these issues not only in the book but also in an article entitled “Mothers of Contention and the Money Wars”. In it Meg Wolitzer says:

“Women who work full-time or part-time and those who stay home with their kids (as well as those who now spend their days answering help wanted ads on craigslist) may not experience Helen Reddy solidarity. It may be way too soon to speak about the mommy wars in the past tense, for no one has solved the problem of ambivalence about staying home versus working, or the lack of good, cheap daycare; and no one has found a way for some women not to feel they're damned if they do, and damned if they don't. Maybe not even the full-scale meltdown of the economy can keep these particular, familiar wars from raging. But it can try.”

And on the topic of friendships, what does it mean to have a best friend? What are the ground rules? What lines can you and should you not cross?

The Ten Year Nap emphasizes that there is no right or wrong answers, and whatever lifestyle is right for you and your family is probably the best choice to make, but each person can only be responsible for her own choices. This point of view is a refreshing departure from being sold the ‘right way to do things’ at every turn.

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Feb 05, 2009 Bookmarks Magazine added it · review of another edition

In The Ten-Year Nap, as in previous novels, Wolitzer "presents a taxonomy of the subspecies known as the urban female" (New York Times Book Review). This time, she focuses on members of the "opt-out" generation

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Dec 30, 2012 Becky Powell rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was in my car when I heard Meg Wolitzer on NPR discussing her new novel, The Ten Year Nap. For a weird second, it seemed like I was talking on the radio, but that was impossible because I was in my car, swerving inappropriately into other people's lanes. Wolitzer was definitely talking about my life-the life of a woman who quit working to stay home with the kids. I dug around for a pen, and scribbled the title of the book on an old bank receipt. I went straight home and ordered the book.

The Te...more

I was in my car when I heard Meg Wolitzer on NPR discussing her new novel, The Ten Year Nap. For a weird second, it seemed like I was talking on the radio, but that was impossible because I was in my car, swerving inappropriately into other people's lanes. Wolitzer was definitely talking about my life-the life of a woman who quit working to stay home with the kids. I dug around for a pen, and scribbled the title of the book on an old bank receipt. I went straight home and ordered the book.

The Ten Year Nap follows a group of women who put careers on hold to be stay-at-home moms. But, Wolitzer doesn't write about that initial decision that comes as such a shock to many modern new moms who find themselves embracing what we thought was an old-fashioned notion of motherhood. Instead she focuses on a later stage of motherhood, when the infants have become school-aged, and what was meant to be a temporary situation begins to feel disturbingly permanent. Wolitzer examines the moment when the mother comes up for air, catches her breath, and figures out how to become comfortable in her own skin again.

I responded as strongly as I did to Wolitzer's book because I am a mother who quit working to raise a child. I was desperate to read The Ten Year Nap because I hoped to find some explanation or justification for the decisions I've made. Honestly, I was hoping the book would confirm that what I was doing was smart and worthwhile. Wolitzer's book, though, doesn't take sides in the work-home debate. What it does do is elevate the debate by treating the subject intelligently, with wry humor, and a certain amount of contemplative reverence. It is a fairly realistic paean to the confusing mess of feelings that go along with modern motherhood.

The women in the novel, each in their own way, are experiencing a kind of mid-life crisis. One central character, Amy, gave up a law career ten years earlier and now worries that she's too out-of-date to go back to work. She's also coming to grips with the financial toll the decision to stay at home has had on her family. Amy's best friend, Jill, chose to stay at home to raise her adopted daughter with whom she is disturbingly unable to bond. Isolated in her new suburban home, Amy struggles to reconcile her expectations with her real life.

The barrier-busting feminists from the early days of the women's lib movement are represented in the character of Amy's mother, Antonia. In a way, Antonia and her group of aging feminists seem almost as dated as a group of June Clever moms. Yet Amy can't help wondering if, in making her decision to quit working, she has turned her back on the hard-fought gains made by women like her mother. Is a woman who quits work to raise children backsliding? It's a question many women struggle to answer.

When I entered the work world in the 1980's, women executives tied little scarves around their necks in a strange homage to the men's necktie. Female veterans of the workplace warned of the danger of appearing too feminine. We should never coo over pictures of other people's children and should never bring baked goods to office parties. God forbid anyone should visualize us in the kitchen with a mixer and an oven mitt. We were wedging our way into what had been an exclusively man's world by mimicking as closely as possible the successful man.

What our strategy failed to consider was that by modeling ourselves on men, we became conspirators in further diminishing the value of work traditionally considered "women's." If the feminist movement was about "self-actualization," it has failed women who choose home over work. Women have gained status in the work world. But women who discover they want to stay home with their children can't shake the feeling that they are somehow settling for less than they should. If men and women were valued equally, there would be equal numbers of men and women choosing home over work. Clearly that is not the case.

The Ten Year Nap illustrates how intensely personal these decisions are. It also reflects the biases that still remain in play between men and women. The decision to return to work or stay home with a child depends, not just on unique personal factors, but also on perceptions. Real parity between the sexes isn't possible until both sexes perceive both kinds of work as equally valuable.

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Nov 01, 2012 Elise rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

At first I thought I didn't like this book because nothing happened in it. Then I thought my empathy-meter might have been sent careering out of whack from reading "Behind the Beautiful Forevers," by Katherine Boo, about the lives of the people in a slum outside Mumbai (amazing, go read that book instead). But I think my main problem with it is just that the writing falls so flat. The main characters are mostly indistinguishable, personality-wise, and I have a very limited amount of patience for...more

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Dec 12, 2011 Suzanne rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I wanted to love this book since I'm so intrigued with how other women handle the precarious balance between motherhood and personal aspirations. But unfortunately, I had trouble relating to these women, partially due to the NYC setting, but primarily because most of the characters had one to two children and large stretches of vacant time on their hands, while I raised three boys leaving very little time or inclination for becoming obsessed with another woman's life the way Amy did with Penny R...more

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Aug 18, 2011 Bethany rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I appreciated the over-tired mind-binding that the job of primary parenting can cause as Wolitzer depicted it, and the ability to marvel at or judge the ways others seem to balance things differently while feeling some paralysis, disconnection, inability to feel a purpose the way it seems one ought. I liked the ability to get glimpses of how different it was for the previous generation and the impact of 9/11. I was intrigued by the motion anger could cause, and the dulling that having nothing of...more

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About Meg Wolitzer

Meg Wolitzer is the author of The Ten-Year Nap and seven previous novels, including The Position and The Wife . Her short fiction has appeared in The Best American Short Stories and The Pushcart Prize.

Author photo copyright Deborah Copaken.

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Quotes from The Ten Year Nap

“You stayed around your children as long as you could, inhaling the ambient gold shavings of their childhood, and at the last minute you tried to see them off into life and hoped that the little piece of time you’d given them was enough to prevent them from one day feeling lonely and afraid and hopeless. You wouldn’t know the outcome for a long time.” — 30 people liked it

“Even if you yourself were unhappy and anxious, whenever you glimpsed happiness in your child, you suddenly became happy too.” — 6 people liked it

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