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I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated
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I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

3.39 of 5 stars 3.39  ·  rating details  ·  3,428 ratings  ·  474 reviews
In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love--and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who s
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Paperback, 256 pages
Published 2010 by Gotham
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Heather
I've joined paperback swap and am about to send this book to its new home in Allentown, PA. Since it is no longer going to be part of my collection, I figured I owed it another read.

If anything, I'm more depressed the second time around because JK is a smart person. I think some of the things she writes about gender and women's expectations for themselves are absolutely true. Downright brilliant. But reading this akin to watching a horror movie full of cliches. If your car breaks down on a deser
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Gina Clover
i despised this book. it was the worst thing i've picked up in a long time.

most of all, it's not that funny. the book is essentially one long string of mediocre one liners about humiliatingly throwing herself at men. that constitutes a book deal these days? in fact, this book sounds like a blog, not fifteen clams worth of prose. I am SO SICK of reading books that sound like the same thing you would get from someone's blogspot address. (read: i was told there'd be cake) just because you love davi
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Danielle
Don't read this book if you value your self esteem. Or if you have any. Or if you think stories about women degrading themselves repeatedly are more sad than funny. I really don't get the comparisons to David Sedaris - while Sedaris mines his bizarre past for funny and detailed stories that also make you happy you read them; Julie Klausners stories are not funny or even insightful. The subtitle is "Lessons Learned from Romantic Disappointments" but it doesn't seem like she ever learns anything.. ...more
Hannah  Messler
This is a hard book to review, it appears. I've been thinking about it for a few days, which I feel sort of suspect about--I doubt the author herself would really want anyone mulling this too hard. Or I don't know, who knows what the author thinks. I always think I know what the author thinks, which frequently pollutes my reading to such a degree that my opinions and feelings about the book in question are incomprehensible to anyone I'm trying to talk to about it. I like to diagnose. I'm a diagn ...more
oriana
Feb 05, 2014 oriana marked it as didntfinish-yet
Recommended to oriana by: Hannah Messler
Shelves: read-2014
What happened was that I read Hannah's review—which you all need to read right now, it's as invigoratingly strange and lovely a piece of writing as any I've seen on this site, so go ahead and click, I'll wait.

Right? Damn.

So I was all intensified, all ready to get either het UP or obSESSed or some other brilliant Hannah-ism!

But then I just... didn't. I mean, I made it a third of the way through the book, so I'd say I get it, I see what Julie's trying to do. And she's clever, but only sometimes.
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Blair
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Emma Bolden
I admit: I'm a sucker for Amazon.com's recommendations. It's like Amazon has a sway over me that my parents, teachers, government, and the Catholic church never could have: it says "hey, you should read this," and then, somehow, the book is in my check-out box, my mailbox, and my hands. Klausner's book was one such recommendation, along with Hilary Winston's "My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me." I managed to finish Klausner's book and haven't gotten close to finishing Winston's. Klausner actuall ...more
Ambrosia
Mar 26, 2010 Ambrosia rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Any woman with few inhibitions, a healthy sex drive, and a strong stomach
Recommended to Ambrosia by: Jezebel.com
I first read about this book on Jezebel, where the blogger contrasted it against the controversial Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. Both books are about thirtysomething women with a string of failed relationships behind them, but while Marry Him promotes the idea of settling for "Mr. Good Enough" so as to ward off the specter of loneliness in old age, I Don't Care About Your Band chronicles Julie Klausner's journey towards learning just the opposite: You're capable and fabulous all on your own, and i ...more
Lauren orso
man, i just don't know.

this is one of those things that is equal parts just boring, bad, compelling and charming enough, that makes you angry you didn't do it first, like sophia copolla movies and every tumblr-turned-bookdeal (and yours would be so much funnier! and TRUER! oh, and aren't you so pretty today? have some ice cream!).

i kept wanting to like this more than i did (her jewish real-fucking-new-yorker grandma! her subpop t-shirt! ) but it never quite clicked enough. maybe i'm too close t
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Melissa
It was ok. Klausner is a funny chick and I had a lot of laugh out loud moments, though, I somehow managed to feel bored at the same time.

I Don't Care About Your Band read more like a series of essays, which is usually ok, but in this case merely highlighted Klausner's lack of subject matter. Each chapter was dedicated to the unnervingly relatable and cringe worthy tale of a different failed relationship/almost relationship. I get that the point of the entire book was to write about all of her s
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Caitlin Constantine
I just read the blurb for this book, which compares Klauser to Chelsea Handler, and I was like, no wonder I was so underwhelmed by this book. I read one of Chelsea Handler's books, the one where she writes about all of her one-night stands, and I came away from it thinking that Handler sounded like an extremely cruel person, whose two-page epiphany about how bad it is to treat men as if they are disposable dildos...well, let's just say I was not convinced.

Klausner was actually a lot better, part
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Megankellie
I kind of want to sit quietly and stare at a wall from very close up and not talk about this book for a period of 3 days. She said things I am afraid to admit I think over and over and over to the point that it felt like a roller coaster after the long, long climb up. Sometimes she is wrong, because she dislikes midwesterners and I am one of them, although she describes that brand of nice as something with a cold wind going through it, which I agree with and understand and perpetrate occasionall ...more
Lexi
I wanted to like this book more than I actually did. I think I gave it an extra star because I felt like there was so much potential here to be funny. And, it just wasn't there.

She's just like me! I kept thinking, while reading. But then, just like my own life (get ready for tragedy...), there was no real resolution at the end. I didn't really learn anything, which makes for quite the ironic title. It was more like a stumble through her sloppy relationships, and lots of self-deprecating humor t
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CiderandRedRot
Julie Klausner pens an enjoyable read, so it's a bit of a shame that many of the witty, smart things she has to say regarding how women are conditioned to feel shitty about themselves and their desires are couched through the medium of 'Utter Arseholes That I Have Fucked & Dated'. (I know, it's the entire premise of this book, I have only myself to blame.)

She's refreshingly upfront about her sexuality - one of the most entertaining chapters revolves around her lack of shame regarding her em
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Kyle
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Hava Buchanan
You know that revelatory feeling most girls had after reading "He's Just Not That Into You"? I had that same feeling after reading "I Don't Care About Your Band", without feeling angry at the book and myself afterwards. Without self-pity or wallowing, Julie Klausner writes a very funny, very wise dating memoir of her harrowing dating experiences with faux-sensitive hipsters, musicians, trust fund babies, felons and an assortment of other wonderful characters. I've never dated a musician but afte ...more
Juliet
A tap-dancing, jazz-handed, self-deprecating performance of a narrative as desperate for our approval as much as that of the men the decidedly insecure author thoughtlessly pursues, infuriatingly and offputtingly so, and dismissive of female friendships in a way that a woman who past her self-absorbed twenties STILL feels she is in competition with all of her sex for those crumbs of male attention will be. I tired of reading minute variations on the tale of how the author prostrated herself for ...more
Megan
this person cannot write.

sample setences:

"sundry dumb fantasies about being onstage suchly pranced about my noggin with cartoonish frequency around that time..."

"sure, it was before 9/11, and optimism always looks like corn-shucking yokelry before planes hit buildings, but we were also marinating in the guava juices of our own naivete, having collectively just hit our national stride of financial prosperity."

really? edit. it sounds like a short story written by an eleven year old, with about as
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Nette
Most of the other negative reviewers were turned off by all the sex and vulgarity. I love that stuff -- I hated this book because the author comes off as a smug, mean-spirited man-hater. She's gorgeous and funny and smart, the men are all crazy or ugly, or crazy AND ugly. Or cheaters. Or have families she doesn't approve of. I pray that this woman doesn't eventually land some poor guy, because she'll promptly dump him and write ANOTHER book whining about his mom jeans or his Star Wars collection ...more
Christaaahh
This book had so much potential but just like a deflating balloon it ran out of air to keep afloat. I only finished this book because I am not a quitter and I like to stick with things and also I love girl memoirs. I love crass female comedians that have that "tell it like it is" attitude and I really thought Julie was going to take it home for me on this one. There were about 3 really funny and very smart sentences that were worthy enough for a facebook status update or possibly a tweet. With e ...more
Daniel
I have a recurring habit whenever I get bogged down with a "deep book" to the point where I want to put it down (basically I'm taking a break from 1Q84, because get to the goddamn point already) -- where I read something "lighter" to cleanse the palette. Patton Oswalt blurbed this and I read some interesting stuff on Jezebel, so I gave it a look.

Devoured it in a day -- actually laughed out loud at many points, and really got into it. I suspect that if you're someone who reads a lot of relationsh
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Leah
I was at an independent bookstore in Greenpoint, my search for a new book had gone on for a week at this point, so I was pretty desperate. I picked up this book and my boyfriend said, "I love Julie Klausner!" so I opted to buy it. The cashier ringing me up told me how funny the book was, and how it'll make you never want to date again. It's her go-around book for all of her female friends who have been wronged by love. It sounded promising.

The introduction of this book lent to this promise. I la
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christa
When it comes to comedy, my favorite is the kind where chaos is happening in the background, while at the forefront a straight man is seemingly unaware. This is why the "Naked Gun" trilogy is brilliant and also why nothing makes me pee harder than the scene in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" when Steve Martin is running in circles, banging a spoon against a sauce pan and screaming "Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!"

When it comes to comedy writer, I've figured out the exact coordinates that need to exist i
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Steph
Jan 28, 2014 Steph rated it 1 of 5 stars
Shelves: 2014

 photo over-the-moon-face_zps57d38c07.gif

Props for the Beyonce joke and the chapter on dating musicians though. Also, the randomly insightful feminist thoughts that seemed out of place in this particular book. Spot on. Too bad the rest was incredibly offensive towards, well, everyone. It also seemed to be about shock value rather than being an open expression of a sexually confident woman, which I gather is what I was supposed to think while reading. Well, no. Newp.
Angie
Everyone knew that girl that slept her way through every guy she ever met, wondering why she couldn't find "The One" but thought it was ok as long as she acknowledged it first and made jokes about. Because if SHE was the one pointing it out and laughing about it then it was FUNNY and not sad, right? No. It's just sad. Recounting the tales of what losers she dated, knowing they were losers and sleeping with them anyway then wondering why she can't possibly find a decent guy? If it read nearly was ...more
Jen
There are some parts of this book that describe human behavior with such scarily dead-on accuracy (making them either worth a horrified cringe or an extended belly laugh --- all depending on if it echos a previous personal mistake or one made by a friend) and then other parts of this book that are really just so sad that I've got to hope they are based in fiction. The book is full of stories of dating gone awry and Klausner's need to be slutty from time to time in her search for love. It's like ...more
Shannon
"I wrote this book to make the people who read it feel good. I didn't write it to make anyone feel bad. I don't want to be mean, and I've never been a bully; I was always the one bullies picked on. And the picked-on ones are the ones who are able to be funniest when we are mean for that very reason: We've had plenty of time to think of the best insults, being smart and misanthropic and isolated all."

I adored this book. Originally, I ordered it for my boyfriend Scotty to read, but read a couple p
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Erica
i love this book so so so much. julie klausner's philosophy on love and romance totally makes sense to me and this was one of the rare memoirs where the author's life is fairly normal and not any crazier or more interesting than mine and i still loved it. really, if you've been on more than five dates in your life and you're a woman in your 20s or 30s in nyc, you should read this book.
Cari
Dated material and bordering on pathetic, Klausner isn't nearly as funny as she thinks she is.
shannon
I can't help but wonder if there's some defensiveness in the more vitriolic reviews from women....
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