Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming The Life You Were Meant To Live

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Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming The Life You Were Meant To Live

by Martha N. Beck

4.00 · rating details · 845 ratings · 116 reviews

“Explorers depend on the North Star when there are no other landmarks in sight. The same relationship exists between you and your right life, the ultimate realization of your potential for happiness. I believe that a knowledge of that perfect life sits inside you just as the North Star sits in its unaltering spot.”

Martha Beck has helped hundreds of clients find their own N...more

Paperback, 400 pages

Published January 29th 2002 by Three Rivers Press (first published 1997)

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Aug 06, 2007

Kimberly Calderon rated it

Recommends it for: ANYONE!

Shelves: booksthathaveinspiredme

This book is amazing!

I started reading this book because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happier in my life. This book offers simple exercises and steps to figure out your best direction. There's nothing earth shattering in here, but the way Martha Beck has written the book makes the information very easy to digest and use.

A few months after I first read this book I was hospitalized with a life-threatening condition and that, combined with the soul searching I'd done...more

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May 13, 2011

Nancy Schober rated it

I bought this book a few years ago and scanned it at the time. For some reason I knew then wasn't the right time. Someone mentioned it so I picked it up again.[return][return]Here are some of my favorite passages:[return][return]...when you relax the thinking mind, the rule-bound, anxiety-ridden social self, you are not simply stopping everything. Taoists believe that there is an immense benevolent force flowing through all reality, and that each of us at least our essences are part of that fo...moreI bought this book a few years ago and scanned it at the time. For some reason I knew then wasn't the right time. Someone mentioned it so I picked it up again.[return][return]Here are some of my favorite passages:[return][return]...when you relax the thinking mind, the rule-bound, anxiety-ridden social self, you are not simply stopping everything. Taoists believe that there is an immense benevolent force flowing through all reality, and that each of us at least our essences are part of that force. Once you re aligned with this force (The Tao, or Way ), you re like a surfer on the perfect wave; you move forward with tremendous, power, but the only thing you have to do is go up when the water goes up, and down when the water goes down.[return][return]This may be my favorite all time quote:[return][return]Babies show up knowing the truth: Each of them is an utterly lovable, beautiful creature, with a unique mission in life and all the equipment necessary to fulfill that mission. If the people around them support and nourish their essential selves, their social selves never have to disengage from this reality to serve the social group. This can be true for anyone, even people who appear to have a lot going against them.[return][return][return]We talk about what people will think, well who ARE those people?[return][return][return]The social self will turn virtually anybody into a generalized other, given two conditions: exposure and repetition. This is how you got the Everybody you have today. At some point, you were exposed to conditions and people that sent a powerful message about you. Then this message was repeated over and over and over. Sometimes the repetition came from outside the self:& Whether or not this happened, at some point your own social self took on the job of repeating insults and discouragement.[return][return]& I say that just because your broken arm isn t as serious as someone else s gut wound, that doesn t mean your injury isn t excruciating or doesn t require attention. If you want to help the Indian children, or make the world a better place in any other way, you have start by becoming whole yourself.[return][return]People have a much harder time understanding your actions when you go back to school at forty-three because your mind is starving,[return][return]As long as a treat is scarce and forbidden, you re going to feel compulsive and greedy about it.[return](less)

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Jun 17, 2009

Zach A. rated it

This book pleasantly surprised me. It was recommended on http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com, one of the blogs I like, but I was afraid it was going to be formless and non-specific. To the contrary, Ms. Beck is highly pragmatic and the book is focused on concrete steps you can take to make real changes in your life and try to ensure they are the right changes for you.

Also, Martha blew me away with her intelligence and wit on every page.

I have to deduct one star because...more

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Nov 05, 2010

Bonnie rated it

· review of another edition

This is actually a lecture on CD. I enjoyed listening to it, but I think I need to listen again to get the full benefit. She likens change in our lives to the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Rather than gradually growing wings and changing shape while in the cocoon, the caterpillar actually dissolves into "bug soup" before reforming into a butterfly. I have felt like that during major transitions in my life, completely dissolved, neither a caterpillar nor a butter...more

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Dec 10, 2007

Brian rated it

Pretty insightful self-diagnosis book, full of useful if not slightly basic exercises designed to get one thinking about personal hang-ups (for lack of a more precise term). It's all about what's holding you back, or more accurately, why you're holding yourself back. I'd give it 4 stars, but I had a hard time focusing on myself for 400+ pages, so I graded it 3 stars.

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Oct 18, 2010

Sharon rated it

Sociologist and life coach Martha Beck, PhD, presents some fascinating information on finding out your life purpose.

Beck's premise is that our "social self," the face we present to the world, that does the things Everybody (some generalized other) tells us to do in order to succeed, takes us too far away from our "essential self," the one that knows what things really make us shine from within.

Recognizing that self-improvement is hard work, and can bri...more

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Jul 31, 2008

Marisa rated it

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not much of a self-help person... but i saw Martha Beck on Oprah and decided to read her book. This book gave me the courage to quit my awful job. Martha Beck also writes in a really relatable, funny way.

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Aug 26, 2008

Jen rated it

This book is inspiring, funny, and overall has been wonderful for me. Great for those that are somewhat restless or unhappy with their current path and wondering about their life's direction.

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Mar 19, 2009

Diane rated it

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Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck has also been on my book shelf for a few years now. An insightful book with some thought-provoking exercises, designed to help you to explore your inner thoughts for true happiness. The goal of this book seems to be to help the reader to recognize their internal desires, and to leave behind boredom and discontent, heal old emotional wounds and to gain a whole new appreciation and zest for life, i.e.: "Finding Your Own North Star, and Lead...more

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Jan 29, 2012

April rated it

The title made me worry the book was going to be a little silly, but it turned out to be pretty useful.

This was the first book I've read on the subject of personal development that gave sufficient attention to the stage of floundering while discovering yourself. The author encourages you to do whatever you desire ("just keep doing what feels most joyful")--spend all day watching Mary Tyler Moore, go get candy, etc, and eventually you'll find your way. She also says it's ok if...more

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Nov 14, 2011

Bebe Burnside rated it

This book really helped solidify how to know what it is you are supposed to do. Martha Beck gives some great exercises on how to listen to your self deep down to figure out what is right for you. Many books give you ideas and theories of finding happiness, this book helps you to really sit down and think about how to learn to listen to yourself. I recommend this book to anyone who is trying to figure out what they should do with their life. This book won't answer that question...it will give...more

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Dec 15, 2009

Helynne rated it

I really like self-help books in general, and I have gleaned at least a small amount of wisdom and useful advice from every one I have read. I think Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life Your were Meant to Live merits all five stars I am giving it because of its straightforward, honest, and usable advice and its sheer readability. I always enjoy Martha Beck—her books and her monthly column in O magazine. Beck is wise, funny and has a no-holds-barred writing style that...more I really like self-help books in general, and I have gleaned at least a small amount of wisdom and useful advice from every one I have read. I think Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life Your were Meant to Live merits all five stars I am giving it because of its straightforward, honest, and usable advice and its sheer readability. I always enjoy Martha Beck—her books and her monthly column in O magazine. Beck is wise, funny and has a no-holds-barred writing style that really speaks to me. She has been through enough major lifestyle upheavals herself for her readers to see first-hand that it is possible to go through tumultuous times, and not only to land on one’s feet, but also to recognize and chart a new course for optimal satisfaction, inner peace and happiness. “Identifying your own North Star is a deep psychological and spiritual art,” Beck says. “Actually getting there is more like following a recipe: Find the following ingredients, put them together in this order, heat them to this temperature wait of this length of time, and so on” (307) Her narrative contains numerous case histories of individuals whom she has known who have found their own true path after many different kinds of snafus and wrong turns. In typical Beck style, she also includes a lot of charts and exercises for readers to follow to be able to tune in to one’s essential self, interests and intended direction. I especially liked her concept of asking the personnel of companies, schools, etc., if you can sit down for “short information interviews” as a way of scouting out new jobs and careers. “. . . . .informational interviewing is one of the best ways to make folks want to hire you, befriend, you or move in with you. It’s way more effective than asking for these things directly” (311). Beck’s last four chapters lead reads through a “map of change” involving four squares. Square 1 (Chapter 12) examples Death and Rebirth with its mantra: “I don’t’ know what the hell is going on and that’s okay (278). Square 2: (Chapter 13) Dreaming and Scheming; mantra: “There are no rules, and that’s okay” (296). Square 3: (Chapter 14): The Hero’s Saga; mantra: “This is much worse than I expected and that’s okay: (332); and Square 4: (Chapter 15) The Promised Land; mantra;”Everything is changing and that’s okay” (362). In short, Beck assures us that chaos is a normal and even desirable part of meaningful change in life, and only those who can brave the craziness for awhile see themselves through to one’s true and rewarding path. She also advises us all to become an encyclopedia and a whirlwind of information while we are each researching the path we truly wish to take (312). She warns, “When your plan begins to operate the way God intended, you’ll go through a period of working harder than ever” (335). But she also assures that that regular “play breaks” are essential along the plan. “Playing improves your creativity and problem-solving skills, minimizes burnout, and maintains high-level performance” (337). This is a book to enjoy, highlight, mark up, and return to numerous times as we each seek a more rewarding path.(less)

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Jun 25, 2009

Judith rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: professional-development, encouragement

I am starting to learn more about my essential self (it's slowly coming out from my social self!)

This is a GREAT book! I really like her approach in discovering yourself. You have two selves: the essential self (who you really are inside) and the social self (who society expect you to be). As we grow older our social self becomes so dominant, that we need to do a lot of "surgery" to find our essential self.
I liked the last third of the book, where she discusses th...more

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Jan 05, 2009

Zinta rated it

Martha Beck - life coach and monthly columnist for "O: Oprah Magazine" - adores turtles. The turtle, after all, embodies much to be admired: a hard shell on the outside, to protect itself from the bumps and bruises of manuevering through life; a very soft and vulnerable inside beneath the resistant carapace; lacking in speed but has a plodding persistence that wins over the hare every time; and, while protecting its head when at rest, is required to stick its neck out in order to move ...moreMartha Beck - life coach and monthly columnist for "O: Oprah Magazine" - adores turtles. The turtle, after all, embodies much to be admired: a hard shell on the outside, to protect itself from the bumps and bruises of manuevering through life; a very soft and vulnerable inside beneath the resistant carapace; lacking in speed but has a plodding persistence that wins over the hare every time; and, while protecting its head when at rest, is required to stick its neck out in order to move forward. The turtle is a role model for living successful lives.

Moving ahead in life, turtle-style, is an excellent way to reach our North Stars. In an easy-to-absorb and enjoyable, often humorous style, Beck explains how so many of us get lost and fail to achieve our most cherished dreams. We are a division of two selves requiring balance: the essential self - our core being that is guided mostly by uninhibited instinct combined with an inner voice of wisdom - with the social self - the part of us that has learned how to play nice with others, function in a diverse society, and, alas, all too often wear masks to hide our core selves.

Beck does not advocate turning to one or other self exclusively, both essential and social selves are necessary, but rather finding the healthy balance. Too much essential self and we become irresponsible members of a civilized society. Too much social self, and we lose touch with our core, wearing our masks so long that we forget our own true faces.

Beck illustrates how our physical bodies often are first to let us know that we have veered off the path. A persistent unhappiness is our first clue. Sometimes our grief is more internalized, less obvious, and so signs of illness, fatigue, boredom, apathy, chronic irritability, all point to a need to check our internal maps. People behaving badly are not so much mean and evil, she says, as in pain. And pain of any kind is a clear signal that we are not doing what we are supposed to be doing, that we have lost touch with our essential, core selves.

In fifteen chapters, the author gives guidance and examples, quizzes and questions, sound advice and clear illustration. Whether the issue is a relationship gone sour or a career gone dull (and one issue often goes hand in hand with another), her common sense guidelines encourage the reader to get back on track again. Change, she acknowledges, is uncomfortable. But life IS change, and it is in fact change that keeps us young and vital, much as flexing a muscle keeps it strong. No one gets through without encountering their share of obstacles and hurdles and tests. It is the testing that makes us into heroes and gives us the tools and know-how we need to go on.

"A willingness to make mistakes and recover from them is absolutely essential," she writes. As is doing a "terrible job" if it is on the path to learning and growth. To sustain oneself through the rough spots, her advice is to keep oneself in the positive, avoid the negative, and that includes the company one keeps (find people who support and encourage you), the kind of recreation one chooses (don't watch a violent movie and expect to feel positive about yourself or others), and how one treats others (don't just take the support, offer it in return to those who are worthy).

We all manifest our own destinies. Whether we finally reach our personal North Star or not, it is entirely up to each and every one of us. Those of us who are eternal pessimists and live in a mire of negativity will always hone in like magnets on failure and disappointment. Those of us who maintain our North Star focus throughout the expected trials and tribulations of normal living, will claim what we were meant to have: our dreams. Turtles are created to cross the finish line. (less)

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Apr 10, 2010

Jenny rated it

While not for everyone, especially my friends with more religious sensibilities (I didn't make it to the psychic chapter), I still found the book confirming, practical, and helpful in discerning the color within the outlines of circumstances, relationships, and themes all our lives hold. I found the chapter about defining who "everyone" is and what "everyone" thinks about me as in, "Everyone expects me to be more strict with my kids," especially helpful in defining ...more

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Mar 30, 2010

Cath Duncan rated it

Martha has to be one of my favorite authors. She's witty and has incredible depth, and the exercises in this book will really shift your thinking!

I particularly loved:
- Her model of the Essential Self and the Social Self, and how we can manage those parts of ourselves and get them working together, to create the life we want
- Her ideas on how to use your body and emotions to tap into your true self/ essential self.
- Her model of the psychological phases we go throug...more

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Apr 29, 2011

Roxann rated it

Fantastic book. Read it maybe back in '03. I was quite lost and a bit paralyzed emotionally. Shook me out of the rut I was in and got me breathing and living again. She has lots of great client examples/stories, exercises, and questionnaires. But what I enjoyed most - what kept me reading and opening up - was her warmth and wit. She's so dead on. It feels like she knows you.

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Aug 05, 2011

Noreen rated it

I'm so glad I finally read this book! It's been sitting on my shelf for several years. I was already familiar with the concepts of the essential self versus social self, as well as using your body compass because of my work with my life coach. I also had a rough knowledge of the cycle of change, but I found Martha's detailed explanations and suggested exercises for dealing with each phase of change extremely helpful -- and comforting -- and I plan on going back to certain ones to do them. Even t...more

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Mar 30, 2009

Patty rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: 2009, creativity, non-fiction, women-writers, life-coaching, life-improvement, personal-growth, life-purpose

I was right in my decision to purchase this title. I knew if I used the library's copy, I would not do the exercises. And with this book there is no point in reading it without using the tests. The point of this is to work through the ideas for yourself.

Several years ago, I read Beck's book Expecting Adam. I found Beck to be a fascinating woman - too type A for me, but really articulate.

This book is very different from her memoir, but Beck's personality shines through...more

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Apr 26, 2009

Gabrielle Capone rated it

This is a great book with a lot of practical tools to helping one silence their social self (the self created to gain society's approval) in order to hear their essential self (the true self). I use many of the activities in here with my life coaching clients and think this book is a must read for anyone looking for a more fulfilling life.

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May 01, 2011

Stefanie rated it

If Mary Roach or Sara Vowel wrote self-help it would read like this. Funny, furiously fast read filled with anecdotes both personal and professional. The main thesis: our inner voice is often in conflict with our socialized public voice. Learn to recognize each voice and not live in a war against your personal ethic.

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Feb 12, 2010

Jess Webb rated it

· review of another edition

I read Chapter 1 last night and was blown away by how much just that first chapter spoke to me. I can't wait to dig into the next chapter! :)

Update:
Finished the book this week and it is one that is a "must have" for my own library. Wow, Martha Beck is spot on and really spoke to me. The whole thing about connecting with my essential self and finding out what I REALLY want and what makes me happy is so huge, and leaves me feeling like there is so much hope.

...more

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Jan 31, 2010

Stephanie rated it

Shelves: nonfiction

This is a combination life/career guidance book, and it's by far the best one I've ever read. I've re-read it at least five times since I first discovered it 8 years ago, and every time, I've come across something that was newly relevant and helpful for my current stage in life.

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Jan 27, 2009

Susan rated it

So far, I love this book but, having been an O Magazine subscriber for years, I suspected I would since I love Beck's writing style. As usual, I'm hung up on exercises that involve meditation, especially the kind that makes you tune into your body. I get too impatient to "scan" my body because it feels like, if I'm really going to do this right, I'd need 20 hours, not 20 minutes, to do the meditation. Since I won't let myself get past the "How Holly Got Her Bod Back" chapt...more

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Dec 07, 2009

Wendy is currently reading it

I started reading straight through this book deciding to save the exercises for a second read. I'm a little over 1/2 through and have decided to go back and start again and do the exercises this time. I'm beginning to believe I can actually live MY life on purpose.

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Oct 19, 2007

Julee rated it

I started out really liking this book. It seemed to make sense to me. What turned me around was her advice to cut out anyone in your life that causes conflict. Maybe I misinterpreted what she was saying, and I agree that sometimes it is better to just let go of certain relationships. But, I think that she is advocating taking the easy way out. My family isn't exactly what you would call 'close' or even 'functional', but I can't imagine turning my back on them. At some point in your life yo...more

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Feb 27, 2009

Deb added it · review of another edition

I like most of the articles I read by Martha Beck, find her funny and with many good things to say. Evidently she has written some controversial things which I have not read, needless to say, I have liked what I have read.

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Jul 05, 2010

Carla is currently reading it

Can't wait to delve into this book! While at coffee shop reading the rhythm of life, a woman praised it and then recommended finding your own north star said she is a life coach and highly recommends both to her clients...

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Mar 04, 2009

Olivia rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: reference, health

I'm not a self-help junkie by any stretch, but this is one of the most useful books I've ever read. It's self-help for the thinking woman (it opens with a nod to Dante, after all), and provides some invaluable insight.

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Dec 20, 2011

Allison rated it

I think this is a good book for anyone not sure of what path to take in life. The premise is finding and claiming the life that will make you happy, regardless of what you or other people think you "should" do.

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About Martha N. Beck

Martha Beck is a writer and "life coach" who specializes in helping people design satisfying and meaningful life experiences. She holds a bachelor's degree in East Asian Studies and master's and Ph.D. degrees in sociology, all from Harvard University.

She worked as a research associate at Harvard Business School, studying career paths and life-course changes in today's economi...more

More about Martha N. Beck...

Books by Martha N. Beck

Expecting Adam: A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic

Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith

Steering by Starlight: Find Your Right Life, No Matter What!

The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life

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