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Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships
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Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

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3.95 of 5 stars 3.95  ·  rating details  ·  59 ratings  ·  15 reviews
Zing! Cupid’s arrow skewers a primitive part of the brain. Obediently, we fall in love amid showers of passionate fireworks, bond for a time … and then often get fed up with each other and grow irritable or numb. Perhaps we try to remodel our mate, seek solace online, or pursue a new love interest. Ancient sages recognized this biological snare and hinted at a way to dodge ...more
Paperback, 416 pages
Published June 23rd 2009 by North Atlantic Books
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Liberality
I don't know how many people will buy into the idea that orgasm is bad for you. I certainly have always enjoyed my own and I am, for the most part, happily married for going on 28 years. However, maybe the idea that we are focusing upon orgasm too much and that it is hurting the overall relationship is an idea I can consider.

The author goes into the biological impact of orgasm upon the brain and that is very interesting in itself. She also explains how the pair bond is formed and the effects of
...more
Lia
Okay ... so, this book is very repetitious. VERY. For the need for editing (to cut the book by 2/3), I would give this book a star or two.

BUT! for the ideas, I would give it five stars. So, despite the drastic need for editing, I'm giving it all five stars.

Because the ideas are worth getting to. They really are. At least they were for me. The book gave me scientific reasoning to explain why my marriage is so awesome. Basically, what we've been up to is bonding instead of mating. It was great to
...more
Greg
I'm very ambivalent about giving this book 4 stars, because of the many instances where the author misrepresents or cherry-picks scientific studies to support her thesis. For reference, I am currently a working neuroscientist but in my former line-of-work I studied the psychology of addictive behaviors. The author unquestioningly embraces the "dopamine = reward" hypothesis, and a naive interpretation of brain plasticity. The dopamine=reward hypothesis has been effectively criticized by experts a ...more
Cyre
A really interesting perspective on the biological, neurological and psychological consequences of orgasm. Thoroughly engrossing, the facts and research as well as the 'ancient wisdom' tidbits spread throughout really make the book fun to read. It gives a lot of insight into our own behavior and can really help you acquire focus.

If you're in a relationship already I definitely recommend it for both partners to read together and share with each other, it's that kind of book.
Mij
This was a very intriguing read. Using reference material from a variety of sources (personal experience, scientific study, and spiritual traditions) the author makes a case for more intimacy-based relations between couples. Her premise is that humans have two genetic "programs": a mating program, which drives us toward reproductive (orgasm-based) sex, and a bonding program, which drives us toward pair-bonding (intimacy-based) sex. The latter is more conducive to stable, lasting relationships, a ...more
Henri Junttila
Could having too much sex be ruining your relationship? Yup, turns out it can. This book dives into why we do what we do, and how we can use the different parts of our brain to not only have more fulfilling relationships, but be happier in general.

I'd recommend this book for anyone who wants to make their relationship work, and work well (after the initial 1-2 year honeymoon period).

This book was repetitive in parts, but I liked it. It helped me learn and retain the information.
Carol Suelzle
This book covers an interesting idea, and I didn't believe it would be true for me until I actually tried it. The changes really made a difference, and until you try a month or so of it the ideas in this book, and go back to the usual way, you won't know if it applies to you.

I was *SURE* it wouldn't apply to us. Wow, was I in for a surprise. There's a hangover, and it's not nice. Of course, we're designed to fertilize and move on (See Sex at Dawn) so the hangover/habituation has it purpose in t
...more
Elizabeth
Aug 28, 2010 Elizabeth rated it 1 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: noone except a therapist whose client is screwed up by this
Shelves: 2nd-tier, get-again, ralph
ILL I keep dreading reading this to do an adequate review. Next time just do one chapter.

Read the Goodreads description of this book. It was probably written by the author. This book does NOT have the newest neuroscience. As far as I know it uses ideas out of context and junk science. Not in the mainstream of science at all.

about Kerreza

It gets one star because I don't like this book. It doesn't steer people in a usefull direction IMHO. However it is clear alright, just clearly wrong.

Biology ha
...more
Kimberly

Nice book that directly (rather than wishy washy and ethereally) discusses the Taoist lovemaking (the physical ramifications of orgasm based sex) and channeling energy between partners. Very practical with sound examples. Through reading this book, I'm FINALLY connecting as to why, after I sleep with someone, I don't want to be around them and would rather "throw them away" and move onto someone new. And why, even with my best efforts, sex still seemed like combative showmanship in orgasm achiev
...more
Steve Bedford
An intriguing premise that could have been explained fully in roughly half the number of pages.
Angela Scott
I was more interested in the neurochemical aspects of mating/bonding behaviors than the practical application (Exchanges). To those ends, the book was a fascinating introduction which bridged science with religious/mystical practice. That said, I found the book a bit repetitive and tedious in later chapters and felt that overall, it could have been pared down significantly without loss of meaning.
Pranafarmer
I loved this book and it really impacted the way I think about sexuality in my relationship significantly. It is a basically a biologically oriented view of sexuality that questions the fundamental "orgasm" oriented sexuality view that is persuasive in our culture today. A great read for discussion among close friends.
Christina
Although I found the book pretty repetitive, I found the information enlightening. It explains a lot about what went wrong in past relationships. I recommend it to everyone who desires a happy long-term relationship.
Lew Brown
Informative. Great insight into not only sexual functioning but also the neurochemistry of
human psychological experience.
Joe Narvaez
Its a promising idea. I just have no way of testing it out.
Goodnessdreal
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Jan 16, 2015
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“Guillaume Belibaste, the last Cathar recorded to have burned at the stake in 1321, is said to have prophesied that “at the end of seven hundred years the laurel would again turn green,”114 implying that the principles of “the true Christianity” would return to the world’s attention.” 0 likes
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