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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

3.98  ·  Rating Details  ·  21,150 Ratings  ·  1,281 Reviews
"Foreword by Stephen R. Covey, Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People A PAPERBACK ORIGINAL "Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Han ...more
Kindle Edition, 258 pages
Published (first published September 16th 2001)
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Jorge Villalta Si!! ya casi lo termino y tiene buenos tips. Tambien tiene mucha informacion muy compacta, entonces probablemente tenga volver de nuevo en un tiempo.…moreSi!! ya casi lo termino y tiene buenos tips. Tambien tiene mucha informacion muy compacta, entonces probablemente tenga volver de nuevo en un tiempo. Pero si se lo recomiendo!(less)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Carol.
Jul 02, 2014 Carol. rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Everyone, especially Goodreads Staff
Recommended to Carol. by: surprisingly, a committee.
Dear Goodreads:

A 'crucial conversation' is one that
1) opinions vary
2) stakes are high
3) parties involved have strong emotions.

Sound familiar? What we have at Goodreads is a Crucial Conversation.

Ways you don't succeed in a crucial conversation:

1) Allowing your emotion to dictate your dialogue. Specifically, an emotional need to "win" or be "right."
2) Believe the answer is the "fool's choice" of a yes/no, right/left solution.

Ringing any bells? I can't state what the emotions of GR staff are right
...more
Nancy G
Aug 15, 2007 Nancy G rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: everyone!
I teach this course and have found the skills and insights that people experience can be life-changing. This book will help you in your personal and professional relationships. Crucial Conversations is not about being confrontational, avoiding conflict, or getting your way. Its about how to help yourself and others stay in dialogue so you can get the results you want. Its about learning, finding the truth, and strengthening relationships.
Nancy
Mar 27, 2012 Nancy rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Ok, I read this because the boss suggested it. He suggested it because I don't deal well with overly emotional, crying, touchy feely people. I'm more of a "get the hell over it" kind of girl.

The book is a jumbled up mess in the writing. It bounces from one example to the next, explains half a concept, jumps to another example, explains another part of a concept, and the might (or might not) get back to the original example. My guess is because it seems to have no less than 75 authors. Too many c
...more
Angela
Probably the most influential book I've read in the past five years. The concepts have probably been around for a long time, but this was my first exposure to them. I'm still learning how to do the things mentioned here, but it really has helped me shift the way I think about others. The authors have a web site with a lot of great stuff in it, and their monthly-ish newsletter is one I actually read!

NOTE: I haven't actually re-read it since I first got it, so this is a review of impact and conten
...more
Meghan
Jun 11, 2007 Meghan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book has valuable information, but the reader has to dig for it. I'm not impressed with the editing job; I think the editor could have helped bring more clarity to the discussion. They come up with a lot of jargon that you have to remember throughout the book ("Start with Heart," "Clever Stories," etc) and keeping track of their key words and phrases makes the learning process more difficult.

That said, I believe there are useful tools in the book (some exercises are similar to Cognitive-Beh
...more
Matt
May 06, 2012 Matt rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
It seems like every business book nowadays has a foreword by Stephen R. Covey. It’s almost like – if he didn’t endorse it - it’s not worth reading.

This book is not an easy read like Leadership and Self-Deception, Who Moved My Cheese, or The Myth of Multitasking. It is however worth reading because it has many gems and pearls of wisdom along the way.

A few of them I already knew:
Remember, to know and not do is really not to know. – p. xvi
“He that complies against his will is of his own opinion s
...more
Parthiban Sundaram
Two years ago I joined a large firm as a software developer to develop a business application. I was very excited as the opportunities were enormous and the growth potential was literally sky high. But the excitement did not last long. For, within a month of my work there, my manager kept making a series of decisions that were, well, simply unpalatable to me! These decisions frustrated me tremednously and what's
worse - these disagreements seemed to be the norm rather than an exception. I, quietl
...more
Trish
Feb 07, 2015 Trish rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book has all the ingredients one needs to improve one's interactions when one is stuck in cycles of rage or disagreement. It has remarkably similar prescriptions to other readings I have done on the subject on how to manage in a tense conversation in which one must come to some reasonable agreement. If everyone read a book like this once or twice in their lifetimes we might actually move the evolution ball down the court in a significant way. I wonder if in fact our politicians have had a l ...more
Daniel Silvert
Jul 13, 2011 Daniel Silvert rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Crucial Conversations tackles one of the most difficult subjects in human relationships: How to navigate difficult conversations when 1) the stakes are high 2)opinions are at opposite ends, and 3) when emotions are charged. This book is so filled with insights and strategies, I had to read it twice and nearly use up two highlighters. At it’s core, the authors recommend asking yourself three critical questions before engaging in a difficult conversation:

What do I want for myself?
What do I want f
...more
Sheherazahde
I love this book! It changed my life and I recommend it to everyone.

One of the major problems that has plagued me all my life was becoming too emotional when things were important to me. This book has helped me recognize that I was getting upset and helped me deal with my emotions so I could come back to the conversations from a calmer place.

The book is written in simple language with lots of repetition and stories to make it easy to read and understand. The authors also use a lot of acronyms
...more
Shahine Ardeshir
Very rarely have I come across so sensible, articulate and powerful a book, particularly from the “Business/Self Help” genre.

The premise of this book is simple: Each of us, in all relationships in and outside of work that we conduct, face situations in which there is considerable gravitas attached to the outcome. Often, we behave less than we’re capable of in these circumstances, to unpleasant result. These are critical conversations, and there’s a certain skill to conducting them well.

The timin
...more
Josh Utterback
Aug 09, 2010 Josh Utterback rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: No ONE!!!
Recommended to Josh by: Paula Hamm
Shelves: finished-in-2010
I had to read this for work and it was a total waste of time. The skills presented are all common sense. For all of their concepts they come up with mnemonics to help you remember. However, there are so many of them you can't keep straight which one is for what and what the letters actually mean. Finally, the examples were forced and completely unrealistic. Real people don't talk or act like their examples. The one I loved the most was the wife who thought her husband was cheating on her because ...more
Leona
Apr 09, 2016 Leona rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: business
Excellent perspectives on how to better communicate and drive crucial conversations. I thought the book insightful, but halfway through it seemed to get mired in too much detail and overly complex. Thus four vs five stars. But still, very important read for all professionals.
Britany
Jul 03, 2015 Britany rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Good concepts, but content ended up coming across pretty dull. I found myself setting this down and not wanting to pick it back up again. I'm beginning to think that I actually do not enjoy "self help" books. Just feel like watered down textbooks that I feel like could be summed up in a MUCH shorter essay!

Get to the point already!
Antoinette Perez
I don't know if I can write a purely objective review, as though my brain were wiped clean of everything I know about conversations. The book that caught my eyes and my heart was Fierce Conversations, and both Fierce and Crucial cover the territory of conversations. But they do so quite differently, and which book helps each person more is first probably a matter of taste.

Crucial is written in a very familiar business non-fiction style: two shades more friendly than an academic textbook, but sti
...more
Sridhar
Aug 23, 2010 Sridhar rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone
One of the amazing books I have read in recent times. Unlike many books, this book pinpoints the exact mistakes and reasons people make in high-stress conversations. Considering that many meetings these days are high-stress (time-pressures, market-pressures, customer complaints and so on), this book is a game-changer.

What makes this book wonderful is that tells you to change your Inner Game to be able to practice it. The tools the authors propose are not "fake-smile" type add-ons, but require a
...more
Jeff Yoak
This book was wonderful. It's probably the best communication book that I've read since The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense, and probably the one that could provide me with the most value of any that I've read.

The book thoughtfully covers what makes conversations crucial, and discusses the nature of dialog, what gets in the way of dialog, and how to overcome those challenges.

One caution: I read most books in audio, and this book so captivated me that when I started it in audio, I finished that
...more
Rachel
May 11, 2015 Rachel rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: helps-book-club
I skipped the annoying self-satisfied introductions and forwards and it was still difficult to read the first few chapters. Once the material got more specific instead of just promising I would be awesome, it was good. However, it took almost half the book for it to get good.

I still would have liked their examples to have been more specific. We are social creatures and we learn through social modeling, i.e., watching others do things. I also found it annoying that they made up terms like "fool'
...more
Meredith
Sep 23, 2015 Meredith rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
From the Forward message at the beginning "To KNOW and not to DO is really to not to know".
Crucial Conversation: A discussion between 2 or more people where (1) stakes are high (2) opinions vary (3) emotions run strong.

CH 1) tells you why your body reacts the way it does when faced with a heated moment.
Someone says something you disagree with, this happens: two tiny organs atop your kidneys pump adrenaline into your bloodstream. Your brain then diverts blood from activities it deems nonessentia
...more
Kendra
Jun 18, 2012 Kendra rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Conversing with others is a necessary and enjoyable part of each day for me. Sometimes, however, I will find myself in the middle of a discussion gone wrong. It could be a really important conversation that I have thought about ahead of time and prepared for or it could be a conersation that I walk into and then felt blindsided by the revelations that were made. Crucial Conversations covers both of these situations and focuses on techniques which make dialogue possible, even when the topics bein ...more
Chris
Mar 03, 2011 Chris rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: i-own
Like most self-help and business books, this book presented ideas in a straightforward approach and with simple examples and explanations to the extent that most of the concepts presented felt very "common sense" and leaving the reader with thoughts like "well, yeah, why didn't I think of that?" The book discusses the topic of Crucial Conversations which are conversations in which there are 3 Elements: (1) High Stakes, (2) Varied Opinions and (3) Strong Emotions. In these situations, the authors ...more
Nicholas
Oct 23, 2010 Nicholas rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Kendel Christensen
This book is an *absolute* must-read. Definitely in my top 10 books of all time in self-improvement. Not only does it open up an ENTIRE WORLD of meaning in regards to one of THE MOST PREVALENT of human activities (communication), but it also gives a PRACTICAL structure to said interactions. Where before, "communication" is an inchoate abstraction, this book gives solid structure and pragmatic actions. AND at the end of the book, it meta-analyzes itself as far as the suggestions that most people ...more
Miller Sherling
Mar 02, 2012 Miller Sherling rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This was published in 2002. I wish someone had handed it to me then. I would have saved myself a ton of crappy handling of conflicts, & their aftermath, over the intervening years. It's the best synthesis I've read of the principles I've gleaned from the various entertaining self-help books I've read over the years, plus the two 2-day Gottman workshops I've attended. It teaches one how to recognize the inherent emotionality in conflicted communication, honor this emotion, and not beat others ...more
Oleg Melnikov
Dec 18, 2011 Oleg Melnikov rated it it was amazing
I've read this book for a second time - and I know that I'll be reading it over and over again.. Until I master the skills described in this book.
From the first page of the book - that gives a definition of a crucial conversation (a discussion between two or more people where: (a) stakes are high, (b) opinions vary, and (c) emotions run strong) - you will realize that we're engaged in those EVERY day.

Most important takes this time:
1. Start from yourself - the ONLY person you can control.
2. To ge
...more
Leo Polovets
Sep 28, 2011 Leo Polovets rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A book like this has a high potential for being hokie or trite, so I was skeptical despite the Amazon reviews. To my surprise, the content was solid. The core principle of the book is that important conversations (with spouses, managers, friends, etc.) go wrong because at least one of the people doesn’t feel safe discussing their viewpoint. This might be due to how past conversations went, fear of rejection, fear of getting fired, or a number of other reasons. When someone doesn’t feel safe, the ...more
Melanie Archer
Dec 10, 2015 Melanie Archer rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Interesting look at interpersonal dynamics during conversations and how to affect positive changes in them.
Dustin Taylor
Very technical book that needs to be read one chapter at a time and then the principles applied therein. I need to read it over and over again to really grasp and apply all the principles, but it is a VERY good book to help you recognize when crucial conversations (heated and emotion-driven conversations) start and how to best navigate through them without causing problems.

I would recommend this book to anyone in a leadership position, whether that be a spouse, CEO, parent or simply anyone who h
...more
Richard Newton
I have long happy periods when I read no business books. Then, periodically I read several. I need to keep up to date on current trends and thinking. I am often perplexed when I come to the end of a business book trying to decide whether to grade it on the value of the advice in it, or the quality of the writing. I am probably inconsistent in my approach. This book gets 3 stars because of the quality of the writing. The advice deserves a better grade.

Crucial Thinking sits in that space that cut
...more
Jewel Miller
Feb 29, 2016 Jewel Miller rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this book for the first time nearly a decade ago. Reading it again has reinvigorated me to analyze my communication style and commuting to make sure every crucial conversation allows all parties to stay in dialogue. I also was reminded how hard it can be to recognize when emotions are high. I highly recommend this book to everyone to read regularly.
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Kerry is a prolific writer who has coauthored numerous articles and award-winning training programs. Kerry taught at Brigham Young University’s Marriott School of Management and then cofounded Interact Performance Systems, where he worked for ten years as vice president of research and development. Kerry is coauthor of the New York Times bestsellers Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial ...more
More about Kerry Patterson...

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“People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.” 8 likes
“The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy” 5 likes
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