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How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful

3.09  ·  Rating Details ·  85 Ratings  ·  30 Reviews
Who needs a book on dating a vampire? Well, Bella Swan and Sookie Stackhouse to name just two. They are fortunate to have vampire boyfriends. But what the heroines of Twilight and True Blood don't have and could use is some advice on getting along with them. Everything they and every other red-blooded American girl (and guy) wants to know about finding a dreamy blood-drink ...more
Paperback, 160 pages
Published October 23rd 2009 by Sellers Publishing Inc.
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(showing 1-30)
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Bridget
Nov 06, 2009 Bridget rated it it was amazing
I've always wanted to meet a vampire. Not the poser kind that say they drink blood because they think it makes them look cool. I want to meet a real, true immortal vampire. I even had this dream before liking vampires was cool. I had people laugh at me when they found out that I was serious with my vamp fascination. Now that Twilight has come out, tons of people want to meet one. They're stealing my thunder! LOL. Just kidding. But seriously, if you meet a real vampire, please send them my way!

I
...more
Michelle
Jan 01, 2010 Michelle rated it really liked it
"This book can be summed up in one word: fun! I really need to go out and purchase a red satin ribbon. And yes, I now know the dangers of wearing one, but I don't care. To be honest, the red satin ribbon on the cover...and the word ""vampire"" had me requesting this from Shelf Awareness as fast as I possibly could. [return][return][return]If you have ever wanted to understand why someone like me is obsessed with vampires, then this is your book. Ms. Laurence explains the fascination with vampire ...more
Cheryl
Oct 27, 2009 Cheryl rated it really liked it
Have you ever been so obsessed over the undead that when you watch a movie or TV show with a vampire in it that you wished you were the girl being devoured by the vampire?

Well cheer up as there is a book for you. It is called How to Catch and Keep a Vampire. If you ever dreamed or imagined yourself with a vampire than you should check this step by step guide. After reading it you will wonder why this book wasn’t written sooner. Though I do have to warn you that this guide may burst some of your
...more
Christine (booktumbling)
Do you find yourself jealous of Sookie, Bella and Buffy? Do you think Tom Cruise, George Hamilton, Kate Beckinsale and Gary Oldman their sexiest when sporting fangs? Then How To Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful is the book for you. Chemistry, what vampires look for in a mate, the effects of biting on the relationship, why you can never tame a vampire, and comparisons between vampy boyfriends and run-of-the-mill boyfriends.

With the help of some en
...more
Michelle
Jan 06, 2010 Michelle rated it liked it
Shelves: adult-fiction
We are definitely a vampire obsessed culture. We've for the most part, always been fascinated by the so called living dead yet thanks to a large increase in vampire literature within the last decade, it seems that the vampire craze is bigger than ever as well as here to stay.

How To Catch And Keep A Vampire is simply a step by step guide to dating a vampire. This book is obviously fictions seeing as vampires are not real (sorry!) but what I greatly enjoyed about this book is that it reads as if
...more
Rhonda
Dec 12, 2009 Rhonda rated it did not like it
Shelves: reviewed, 2010
Lots of girls, and probably some guys too, have fantasized about meeting a real-life vampire. Heck, even I've wished vampires were real and I could one day meet my immortal lover and have him turn me so that I could truly stay at the age of 28 that I've been claiming to be for the past so many years. The question is, if vampires did exist, how would one go about winning the heart of said vamp? Diana Laurence attempts to answer this question as well as many others in How to Catch and Keep a Vampi ...more
TheVampireBookworm
Jan 14, 2017 TheVampireBookworm rated it liked it
Shelves: vampire-books
We covered the teenage game in the last two weeks and it's time to follow into adulthood. Honestly, I don't even know how these books appeared on my bookshelf. It must be from the era I discovered on-line used books stores and basically put into my cart everything which had a name VAMPIRE on it. These stores don't usually add description or a picture of the book so it is one big leap into the unknown. I wonder how I managed to buy so many adult books and almost no children literature.
Anyway, t
...more
Nancy Schumann
Apr 22, 2014 Nancy Schumann rated it it was amazing
So we've all read the books; we've all seen the movies and we can't wait for the next episode of True Blood to be on telly. Vampires are everywhere and thoroughly enjoyable in any shape or form. And we are, all of us, brushed up on the vampiric lore of just about any country in the world. We are experts for crying out loud. Why then is it that Bella Swan and Sookie Stackhouse, who blatantly have to google the term `vampire' in the first place, get to hang out with the cool guys? Where did it all ...more
Lizzy
Sep 12, 2009 Lizzy rated it really liked it
Shelves: books-i-own
I had a lot of fun reading this book! While I enjoy the occasional vampire story/TV show (i.e True Blood), I've always been curious about the vampire-obsessed. What makes the vampire so appealing, aside from the characters being played by attractive actors? This book answered that, and more. Plus, it had me laughing aloud (which probably frightened a lot of other people at my library).

In my opinion, the book would definitely be categorized humor. If you look closely, however, there are some genu
...more
Kate
Dec 22, 2009 Kate rated it really liked it
Ever wonder what special tricks Bella Swan used in order to capture the attention of Edward Cullen? Or just think that vampires in general are sexy, and you are dying to know how to win one for yourself. Then How to Catch and Keep a Vampire is just the self help book for you! Divided into amazing step-by-step chapters, readers are sure to find out what qualities one must work on in order to find their vampire love. With chapters such as, "What's a Vampire Got That My Boyfriend Hasn't Got?" and a ...more
Sandra Stiles
Oct 31, 2009 Sandra Stiles rated it liked it
Shelves: fantasy
Have you grown up fascinated with vampires? Were you led to believe that all vampires were evil, and out to kill you, or turn you into one of them? Have you got it all wrong. Diana Laurence in her book, How to Catch and Keep a Vampire gives you the ins and outs of finding the right vampire to meet your taste (pun intended). She takes you step by step through the process of identifying vampires to finding the right one , be it a subdued vampire to the most evil of them. She has taken it upon hers ...more
Alexia561
Oct 01, 2009 Alexia561 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fantasy, review-copy
This was a very funny book that somehow managed to straddle the line between serious dating guide and parody. Diana did a great job of presenting the realities of dating a vampire in a no-nonsence, practical method without ever veering into pure silliness. Inserting various 'case studies' from fellow vampirophiles of possible pitfalls was a nice touch, and I especially liked the FAQs at the end of each chapter.

Think my favorite part of the book was the list of Top Ten Vampire Pickup Lines. I mea
...more
Katrina
Oct 22, 2009 Katrina rated it really liked it
The red ribbon and the irresistible word Vampire on the cover told me I had to read this book. This is a very humorous look at how to date a vampire. They seem to be very accepting of all types of humans, as long as they hold some blood. The vampire in your life also has many traits that make his better than your current human boyfriend, husband or fling. A dating guide from an author who writes steamy romance and vampire novels, how can it get any better than that. Laurence is funny, witty and ...more
Julie H.
Dec 05, 2009 Julie H. rated it it was ok
Maybe it was the near-total shock of snow in Louisiana, but I was sucked into my local independent book store on the walk home from school yesterday where I purchased this book. It was mildly amusing, but I suppose it wasn't really written for me as I have more of an "inner Buffy" than an "inner Mina." I can only hope that the author, Diana Laurence, is doing this totally tongue-in-cheek vs. actually believing that she has had romantic encounters with several members of the undead. For those of ...more
Yvensong
Oct 02, 2009 Yvensong rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: vampire romance readers
Have you ever thought about dating a vampire? What would it be like? What do you need to know before embarking on snagging yourself a vampire boyfried/lover?

This parody of dating books gives you all the insights needed to get involved with the wonderful adventure that dating vampires entails.

Just imagine, you and your new vampire lover snuggled in front of a warm fire, as he tells you stories of living through the Renaissance. That, and so much more can be yours, once you learn the secrets, the
...more
Verity
Jan 24, 2010 Verity rated it it was ok
Shelves: diversion
I am some what at a loss as to where to shelve this book at home. Having never met a "real" vampire and having seen the author's webpage/alternative life(s), I am inclined to add the work to the fiction section and think the author a very active imagination. If it were true...it leaves me disappointed, as it indicates that people and the 'undead' are as predictable as ever, much like their appearance as Ms Laurence describes them. (And why would you want to live forever if history is just going ...more
Eleni ( La Femme Readers )
Dec 03, 2009 Eleni ( La Femme Readers ) rated it really liked it
Ever wanted to catch a sexy vampire? Well now you can! This step-by-step guidebook will help you sniff out those badass bloodsuckers that most of us love. From the first line I was quickly engaged in Diana's tactics in catching a vampire. I read most of it on the train and would literally look around to look for vampire "signs." Call it crazy but Diana's persuasive writing really makes you think vampires exist. I'd love to meet an Edward or Damon one day, but do they really exist? Who knows. If ...more
Nicole
Nov 08, 2009 Nicole rated it really liked it
Turns there’s not a lot of difference between dating a vampire and dating a mortal. Though Laurence does caution against allowing a vampire boyfriend to go too far when drinking some of your blood. Then there’s that pesky mind-control thing.

Sprinkled throughout the book are FAQs, case studies, and other great little tidbits like vampire pick-up lines. Laurence also dispels some myths about vampires. For example, vampires can enter your home without permission; they’re just being polite when the
...more
♦Jennifer♦
Apr 09, 2010 ♦Jennifer♦ rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-in-2010
Overall, fun and light. I was almost constantly chuckling throughout How to Catch and Keep a Vampire. Anybody looking for some laughs and has ever dreamed about their very own vampire romance will love this book. Diana Laurence’s tips are fantastic, and maybe, if you follow them real closely, you’ll be able to catch and keep your very own vampire.

see the full review here
Nancy
Oct 19, 2009 Nancy rated it liked it
This tongue-in-cheek book on vampiric dating was really fun to read! Diana Laurence writes on such subjects as: vampire fangs, vampires paying taxes and pick up lines: "I picked these flowers up for you...at the cemetary." The book was amusing but it was not what I had expected. To be honest, I'm not sure just what I did expect but this wasn't it.

Still, the advice is worth having be it a mortal or an immortal guy you're after. I think it was a good effort, just not for me.
Shannon Warner
Apr 26, 2013 Shannon Warner rated it it was amazing
this book was easy for me to read and a good laugh.
It made me laugh how it is a guide to get your own vampire such as Edward Cullen and that lot and I loved it I got well into it and I couldn't stop reading it as it was intresting and the aurthor wrote it so well and brilliant and I would read this book again
RECOMEMEND TO THE VAMPIRE FANS!!!!
Dawn
Dec 08, 2009 Dawn rated it it was ok
Shelves: librarylove
An interesting book that was definitely entertaining and enlightening. However, I think what turned me off about it was the very traditional gender roles and the talk of vampires being all dominant and well, male. My feminist sensibilities were irritated by the talk of how every woman really wants to be dominated, at least a little bit and other such talk.

Still, an interesting read.
Olean Public Library
Aug 18, 2010 Olean Public Library rated it it was ok
I was disappointed with this book. I thought it would be a funny satire; however the author really seemed to believe in vampires. The one thing that I did find interesting was how many behaviors people find "sexy" in vampires, would never be tolerated in a real human being.
Lady Entropy
Mar 05, 2014 Lady Entropy rated it it was ok
Sometimes I laughed, sometimes I rolled my eyes because it took itself a little too seriously. It was a decent read but not as entertaining as "The Vampire is Just Not Into You". There were a few interesting tidbdits but most of it I already forgot.
Carol
Jul 09, 2010 Carol rated it it was ok
I was disappointed with this book. I thought it would be a funny satire; however the author really seemed to believe in vampires. The one thing that I did find interesting was how many behaviors people find "sexy" in vampires, would never be tolerated in a real human being.
Heather
May 04, 2012 Heather rated it it was amazing
humorous and a fun read
Chelsea
Dec 04, 2011 Chelsea rated it it was ok
Recommends it for: People looking for a quick read
While this book was on the silly side it was entertaining and gave me a much needed laugh.
Charlotte
Jun 10, 2011 Charlotte rated it really liked it
I thought this book was pretty witty. I liked it.
Julia
Sep 23, 2011 Julia rated it liked it
It was fun,thanks for the advices :D
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