You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

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You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

3.66 of 5 stars 3.66 · rating details · 4,824 ratings · 545 reviews

You’ve eaten too much candy at Christmas…but have you ever eaten the face off a six-footstuffed Santa? You’ve seen gingerbread houses…but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You’ve woken up with a hangover…but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection...more

Hardcover, 206 pages

Published October 27th 2009 by St. Martin's Press

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Jan 04, 2012 K.D. Oliveros rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs, christmas, humour, gay-lit

This is my third book by Augusten Burroughs and I am beginning to understand him. Maybe because I was just prompted by Christopher Isherwood’s A Single Man that made a tremendous impact on me and I was able to relate to his character – an aging gay literature professor. I am aging but I am not any of the other three but still the very moving prose of Isherwood made me emphatize with middle-age gay guys like Burroughs.

In my mind, gays come in two types: the quiet decent sometimes-closeted type an...more This is my third book by Augusten Burroughs and I am beginning to understand him. Maybe because I was just prompted by Christopher Isherwood’s A Single Man that made a tremendous impact on me and I was able to relate to his character – an aging gay literature professor. I am aging but I am not any of the other three but still the very moving prose of Isherwood made me emphatize with middle-age gay guys like Burroughs.

In my mind, gays come in two types: the quiet decent sometimes-closeted type and the loud screaming all-out type. In the Philippines, we call the first one baklang tago and the second one palengkerang o parloristang bakla. For me, Isherwood (based on his character in the above-mentioned novel) belongs to the first group. Burroughs definitely, without any iota of doubt, belongs to the second group.

He just does not only scream. He curses. He’s the primero uno when it comes to drama – gay drama. He exaggerates just to be noticed. He flagrantly flaunts that he is gay and he does not give any damn if you don’t like him. He enumerates the guys – by mentioning their profession or even names! – who he had sex with. He even mentioned about a Calvin Klein model who was more interested on him rather than the other way around or his friend’s friend Charlie who did not allow Burroughs to call him when he was in the office because he ”ejaculates upon hearing Burroughs’ voice.” All these mentioned (printed) on this book about Christmas!

However, those are in the second half of the book. The Christmases when Burroughs was already a young promiscuous gay man. The first half includes the Christmases when he was a young gay boy and his experiences and innocence were adorable. He thought, for example, that Santa Claus and Jesus were one and the same and when he saw Jesus nailed on the cross, he thought that Santa Claus made a mistake in giving gifts and one father nailed him up there. Not sure if this is possible since Jesus is slim and trim while Santa Claus is fat and bearded. But then again, Burroughs is fond of exaggeration to get his message across or to elicit laughters. Some people call this poetic license and fiction writers have this in their arsenal of writing tools.

Overall, not a totally bad book to read for Christmas season. There are funny parts. There are disgusting parts. Not for anyone whose squeamish about gay sex.

In the Philippines, being a Catholic country, the Christmas season will end this Sunday, January 8th 2012 as it is the Feast of the Three Kings or the Epiphany. So, my reading of this book, including this review, is still on time.
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Nov 13, 2011 The Holy Terror rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, christmas, memoirs, borrowed, short-stories, disturbing

I give 3 stars to the first few stories and 1 star to the last few for an average of 2 stars. The first couple of stories tell about Burroughs's childhood memories of past Christmases. Two stories are about how he used to confuse Santa with Jesus and also when he bit the wax face off of a life-size Santa Claus and I was actually laughing out loud while reading them. They were funny and easier to relate to than the stories he recounted of his adulthood. Burroughs's childhood stories are lighter t...more I give 3 stars to the first few stories and 1 star to the last few for an average of 2 stars. The first couple of stories tell about Burroughs's childhood memories of past Christmases. Two stories are about how he used to confuse Santa with Jesus and also when he bit the wax face off of a life-size Santa Claus and I was actually laughing out loud while reading them. They were funny and easier to relate to than the stories he recounted of his adulthood. Burroughs's childhood stories are lighter than the rest of the book but are still darkly humorous.

The last half of the stories though are a somber solemn affair and not anything I likely would have read by themselves. I wouldn't have picked this book up if the childhood stories hadn't been included. I understand this is his life he's writing about, but when I think of Christmas I don't think of drinking until I black out, or wanting to spend the holiday alone, or doing the opposite and spending the holiday with a bunch of bums on the street, literally. The last half of the book is bleak and without much hope, and that's just not what I personally want to read about.

The transition from early childhood to adulthood could have been handled better as well. We go from one story where he's in elementary school to the next where he's a black-out drunk waking up next to a naked geriatric French Santa Claus. After doing a bit of research on the author it's probably safe to say that he didn't have too many fond memories of childhood Christmases, but I would have liked to read more of them because those were the ones I enjoyed the most.

Toward the end Burroughs flies off into the land of melodrama and it starts to become hard to take him seriously, especially the story when his newly built house floods unexpectedly.

I backed out of the kitchen and turned around. Dennis was at the bottom of the stairs, heaving, unable to catch his breath, as his eyes surveyed the room. He brought both of his hands to his mouth, his fingers touching the bottom lip. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," his voice warbled, and what began as a whisper was almost instantly a howl; a sound that resonated with loss and terrible ache.

Now it's true, it was his boyfriend that had this reaction but I really think Burroughs over exaggerates things. My parents' basement flooded twice when I was in my teens, and my room was down there. One of the times it got so high it reached the bottom of my mattress. So, yeah, it sucks, but nobody died.

There's a story that Burroughs recounts of time he spent with a boyfriend that later died of AIDS. It honestly felt like the destruction of the one floor of the house held more emotion than the death of his loved one. It's hard for me to connect with the Christmas stories of Burroughs's adult life when he acts so unrealistically.

I had been eager to read more of Burroughs's writing after reading the first 100 pages or so of this one, but after finishing it up I'm not so sure anymore. Some people like to read darker stories while others only want fluffy happy times. I want something kind of in the middle. I also have a hard time understanding the mind of an addict, it's just not something that makes sense to me, and so it was hard for me to connect on a personal level to the bulk of Burroughs's stories.

I don't necessarily regret reading this book, but I'll keep the stories I read first more in the forefront because they honestly did make me laugh. (less)

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May 04, 2013 Cindy rated it 4 of 5 stars

This memoir is a collection of Christmas memories from Burroughs’ childhood through recent years. Readers that have read any of Burroughs’ previous books will be familiar with his dysfunctional family and alcoholism and will still be shocked by some of the shared Christmas memories. At the age of eight Burroughs did not realize there was a difference between Santa and Jesus, it was during a visit to his grandparents home that his grandmother realized that he had the two combined and awkward hila...more This memoir is a collection of Christmas memories from Burroughs’ childhood through recent years. Readers that have read any of Burroughs’ previous books will be familiar with his dysfunctional family and alcoholism and will still be shocked by some of the shared Christmas memories. At the age of eight Burroughs did not realize there was a difference between Santa and Jesus, it was during a visit to his grandparents home that his grandmother realized that he had the two combined and awkward hilarity ensues when they try to explain this to him. During his years as an alcoholic Burroughs wakes up with a senior french Santa with hygiene issues. I am amazed at how in one page Burroughs descriptive writing style has the reader cringing, laughing then crying. I would highly recommend sharing this book with readers looking for holiday stories that are filled with dysfunction, dark humor, inspiration, and tragedy.

“As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had a good little girl somewhere in the world not received the doll he’d promised her, making the father angry?”

“And I began to let him go. Hour by hour. Days into months. It was a physical sensation, like letting out the string of a kite. Except that the string was coming from my center.”

Appeal Notes (May contain spoilers):
Pacing: Medium
Character: Burroughs’ descriptions of himself and the people he interacts with are given in a way that makes them easy to imagine in your own mind. After reading several of his books some of the characters have become familiar and I look forward to reading more about them.
Language: Witty, dark, conversational and funny.
Location: New York
Storyline: Character driven
Tone: Dark, funny, reflective, heartwarming.
Comments: After reading so many of his books I have really come to enjoy reading about Burroughs’ life. While reading his books I want to comfort him, slap him, laugh with him and just watch him as a curiosity. His descriptive writing makes his stories all the more impact full.(less)

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Jan 03, 2013 Vivian Farago rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book was such a disappointment. I've read "Dry" and "Running with Scissors." I feel like with every Augusten Burroughs book I read, he gets progressively less funny. Each chapter described some horrible Christmas he has had in the past, beginning with his childhood. It started out kind of amusing, but even the funnier chapters at the beginning were a little depressing. Burroughs' humor is just a little too dark for me. I didn't have a lot of sympathy for him either. It was difficult to rela...more

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Dec 20, 2012 Luke Lane rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: humour, memoir-etc

I've always liked Burrough's novels, and I've read his original four novels quite a few times and they remains as funny as when I first read them, but this christmas themed book definitely feels like a simple cash-in for the holidays.

The stories are also somewhat jarring, as if the book is split into two sections. The first few stories have some genuinely funny moments from his childhood, like the confusion of whether Jesus and Santa are the same person, and when his attempt at making a gingerb...more

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Dec 31, 2011 Meagan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I give this three and a half stars.

I had hear of Burroughs' best seller Running with Sissors and so gave this a grab while in the checkout at my favorite local bookstore. Amusing Christmas tales? He confused Santa and Jesus? I was in.

But I was quickly disappointed. I felt like the stories from his childhood were trying too hard. They were a little too cynical to be taken humorously, though the events themselves actually were quite amusing. It was the way he described them. It was a little off...more

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Dec 27, 2011 Ms Anderson rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: src-05-winter-2011, 2011-12-dec

I'd give this five stars, except I'm not so sure about some of the stories. The first few are downright hysterical--I was crying as he described the gingerbread house. However, the later stories of grown-up Christmases are a little more introspective. Not that they're bad, necessarily, but it's like the movie Moulin Rouge, in that everything starts off funny and by the end you're feeling sort of depressed. I've liked the way Burroughs writes since I first read his books in college, and I especia...more

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Dec 12, 2011 J rated it 1 of 5 stars

When did Christmas become "the holiday you love to hate and hate to love" as described in the book jacket?!

Hating Christmas is akin to hating Shirley Temple and Easter bunnies. I've been searching for festive holiday reading material and have stumbled into a patch of snarky & cycnical books on the 'darkside' of the holidays. I get frustrated and stressed during the holidays too, but I'm shocked that anyone would take the time to write (or read) a negative book about the holidays. I don't en...more

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Jan 03, 2011 Topher Hooperton rated it 4 of 5 stars

Augusten Burroughs has carved a literary career from exposing his troubled family life in Running With Scissors and A Wolf At The Table.

Now, with You Better Not Cry, he brings us a festive series of recollections about the disastrous Christmases he has experienced.

The early stories tread familiar ground, drawing us back to the young Augusten and his fractious relationship with his mentally unstable mother, taciturn brother, and angry, alcoholic father, and the litany of failures and mishaps (to...more

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Dec 21, 2009 Denise rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is my favorite Augusten Burroughs book yet! I was a little skeptical at first. The book starts with some of his darkest stories from his childhood and early days as an alcoholic. They are fascinating in the way a train wreck is, you just can't bring yourself to look away. Slowly, as you work your way through the book, the stories begin to change as Augusten's idea of Christmas evolves. There is the Christmas a group of homeless people take him in, look after him, and teach him to accept hel...more

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Dec 06, 2009 Jeff rated it 3 of 5 stars

Oh, Augusten Burroughs, why do I love you? You infuriate me sometimes, but I just can’t quit you.

“You Better Not Cry” is not laugh-out-loud hysterical, but rather chuckle-in-the-back-of-your-throat cynicism laced with pull-at-the-heart-strings-despite-yourself sentimentality. The funny thing about Augusten’s breezy Christmas anthology is that for all the times you feel like it is an anti-holiday holiday book, it is actually filled with some extraordinarily lovely moments of … well, the Christmas...more

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Dec 03, 2009 Schmacko rated it 5 of 5 stars

In the realm of today’s gay memoirists, there are two legends: David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs.

David Sedaris (The Santaland Diaries, Naked, When Engulfed in Flames) tells charming, quaint stories to his wacky Geek family. His stories include odd jobs (being a holiday elf for Macy’s) and strange stories that hide a sweet humanity (like when his sister brought a hooker home for the holidays in “Dinah the Christmas Whore.”) Sedaris is kooky but cuddly; he started telling his stories on Nationa...more In the realm of today’s gay memoirists, there are two legends: David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs.

David Sedaris (The Santaland Diaries, Naked, When Engulfed in Flames) tells charming, quaint stories to his wacky Geek family. His stories include odd jobs (being a holiday elf for Macy’s) and strange stories that hide a sweet humanity (like when his sister brought a hooker home for the holidays in “Dinah the Christmas Whore.”) Sedaris is kooky but cuddly; he started telling his stories on National Public Radio; people can titter at the unusualness, but still be captivated by his warmth.

Burroughs has gone a slightly different route. His mom was a drunk with a long history of mental problems; she once turned him over to be raised by a mentally instable psychologist (as captured in the bestseller Running with Scissors). Burroughs’ dad was a distant drunk whose infrequent messages of love were also scary and threatening. Augusten’s older brother has Asbergers, a mild autism that makes people mechanically gifted but socially awkward and frigid. Augusten himself suffered through drug and alcohol addiction that made him lose high-paying jobs and once had him purposefully living on the streets with the homeless (in the book Dry).

As a whole, Sedaris is more Mark Twain, Burroughs is slightly more Edgar Allen Poe, I guess. Sedaris can tell a joke and turn a phrase, but Burroughs is better known for asking complex questions and creating thought-provoking stories. We may think Sedaris and his cute stories might have cornered the fuzzy-cuddly holidays. With You Better Not Cry, Burroughs challenges that idea.

Burroughs again offers us a collection of holiday stories; they fill in gaps in Burroughs’ dark family history and drug addiction. These stories also together define a gay man who comes to reclaim holidays which were once taken from him and sullied seemingly beyond repair. In the end, Burroughs lets us see that each of us has a right to a merry Yule; he speaks to the disenfranchised and lonely among us more than Sedaris does.

I’m probably making You Better Not Cry humorless. Yet, Burroughs has a lot of comedy, couched in between the tales of dearth, death and dysfunction. As a child, Augusten believed Jesus and Santa were the same person, and in hilarious example, his Pentecostal grandma tries to set the poor boy right. Later, after a few days using the homeless for warmth (literally), Burroughs tries to remember the events of his catastrophic blackout; seemingly puzzling pieces like an empty bank account are only answered by the worship Augusten receives from the other alcoholics and drug addicts living on the street.

Yes, You Better not Cry is funny, but in a dark, sardonic way. However, this grimness promises to pack a deeper, more meaningful wallop. In ugly times when many of us face scant, hollowed-out holidays, Burroughs book tells a story of hope, that each of us has the power to reclaim the warmth of the season.
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Nov 29, 2009 Jamie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: adult, audiobooks, just-for-fun

I have never read any Augusten Burroughs, but this is the 3rd one I've listened to. Running with Scissors and Dry are two of my favorite audiobooks ever.

I also have a touch of OCD, and I can never ever ever ever ever not finish a book. If it's awful, I'll try and read it as fast as possible, but I'll ALWAYS ALWAYS finish.

So, the first 2 stories on this cd were SO BAD that I nearly quit listening and called it a day. I was getting ready to go on a long drive, and listening to this was going to dr...more

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Nov 25, 2009 Aaron rated it 4 of 5 stars

The newest option by Augusten Burroughs brings together seven short biographical essays relating to some of his Christmas experiences.

The stories are full of the wry wit that is found in much of the rest of his work, but I thought that the tales didn't float quite as well. In his earlier books, most of the stories had a common themed and flowed more evenly.

The earliest pieces highlight his earliest confusion between Santa and Jesus since modern America seems to celebrate them equally during the...more

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Jan 04, 2012 Doreen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'd never read any Augusten Burroughs before, though have had Running With Scissors and Dry recommended to me, and know generally of their narratives. In this volume, Mr Burroughs takes a look at his experiences with Christmas through the years. You get the feeling that he doesn't want to rehash material he's gone over before, and he manages to put together a coherent chronicle even though, in my opinion, this book doesn't stand on its own very well outside of Mr Burroughs' larger memoirist oeuv...more

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Dec 03, 2010 Lormac rated it 3 of 5 stars

Wow. What a ride, opinion-wise. There is a lot to say about this book, believe it or not. My opinion of the book kept changing as I listened to the stories. (I listened to it on CD.) Here are my reactions in order: #1 More often than not it is a huge mistake to let the authori read his own work, and this is a case in point. Burroughs' voice is so annoying inthe first couple of stories that it drive me crazy. Try saying "stringy strands" as s-l-o-w-l-y as you possibly can, and you will get the id...more Wow. What a ride, opinion-wise. There is a lot to say about this book, believe it or not. My opinion of the book kept changing as I listened to the stories. (I listened to it on CD.) Here are my reactions in order: #1 More often than not it is a huge mistake to let the authori read his own work, and this is a case in point. Burroughs' voice is so annoying inthe first couple of stories that it drive me crazy. Try saying "stringy strands" as s-l-o-w-l-y as you possibly can, and you will get the idea. Now try the same thing with "cottony confection." Eeeek. (but see #4.) #2 Based on the first two stories in the book, my view of Burroughs' childhood and his family was completely altered. If you have read "Running with Scisssors" you will probably have come away with a less than positive view of his parents (that's an understatement, duh). His mother, a narcisstic, drug-addled wanna-be artist signed over her parental rights to a eccentric (understatement) child abuser, and his father allowed this to happen. However, after you read the first two stories in this book, you will suddenly feel much more sympathetic to his folks, and understand why it must have been a huge relief to get little Augusten out of their live. God, what a brat. #3 I was loving the set-up of the third story, in which the author (Spoiler Alert) wakes up hungover in a hotel room and comes to realize he slept with Santa, but unfortunately, the author takes the narrative too far, and it goes from wickedly funny to just a little sick. #4 I loved the fourth story. It is a Christmas story that I will never forget. If you are debating whether to read (or listen to) this book, start with the fourth story. He creates images I will never forget, and he started to sound okay, like he got inot his reading rhythm at last. #5 Enjoyed the last two stories. Nice to hear where he is now (or was) in his life after reading "Running..." and "Wet" although it is a little sad to see he has transformed into half of a materialistic DINK couple. Oh well. There you have it - a stream of consciousness review! Don't avoid this book, but be prepared to have some strong opinions as you read (or listen). Merry Christmas to one and all!(less)

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Dec 18, 2010 ALPHAreader rated it 5 of 5 stars

You can keep your Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp crushes. . . if I am being 100% earnest and honest, my number #1 fan-girl crush is unashamedly on gay American writer, Augusten Burroughs.

I have read every one of his books and gotten a stomach cramp from laughing too hard at each one. He is my author/reader soul-mate and I’m sure that if we ever met I would fall at his feet and beg him to be my friend. I love his sense of humour, I love his brutal honesty and I just love him. . . ‘You Better Not Cry’...more

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Dec 05, 2009 Caris rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2009, christmas

Every year, new Christmas books are published and line the new books shelf at the library like tacky decorations on a Wal-Mart display. And, without fail, every year, people tell me that I have to read some new seasonal book like The Christmas Box or Skipping Christmas or some other piece of Hallmark bullshit that makes me want to put my eyes out with a barbecue fork. I always decline.

But I always want to read something special for the season, because I love Christmas. I always have. I still get...more

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Oct 18, 2011 Mercedes rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: fans of Augusten Burroughs and sarcasm

When I started reading this book I though that Augusten Burroughs would produce his short stories and adventures with nothing less than his usuall sarcasm and blunt style, happy to say he delievered as expected.
Much like some of his other books, "You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas", it is a collection of short stories from his up and down past that always seem just bizzar enough to be true.
I was happy with the last short, "Silent Night" , as it displayed his current functioning relation...more

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Dec 01, 2009 Amy added it

Shelves: 2009, biography-memoir, humor

A nice little short story collection. I tend to like Burroughs' full-length memoirs better than his short story collections - but then I generally like novels better than short stories. Still, in this case, I liked how the short story format allowed Burroughs to explore the different aspects of Christmas, from the excruciating anticipation and euphoria that you feel as a child, to the jaded outlook that budding atheists and agnostics start to adopt. I also liked that he explored the idea that Ch...more

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Dec 12, 2012 Rob Caroti rated it 3 of 5 stars

I've always loved Burroughs. There is something about his voice that I identify with so perfectly. But two thirds of the way through this I started to wonder if this was a rare miss. The stories were interesting, dysfunctional and very typical of his writing in “Running with Scissors” but I couldn’t empathize; maybe because the topic was Christmas, something I tend to romanticize.

Then came two chapters that put all my faith back into Augusten Burroughs. “The Best and Only Everything” is about Bu...more

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Aug 06, 2012 Jansen rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Augusten Burroughs fans, memoir fans, readers in recovery

I've had the honor of seeing Augusten Burroughs read at the Brookline Booksmith in Brookline, MA, on two occasions. He's always very laid-back, mingles with his fans, and he's one of those authors who you feel like you could hang out with. It's hard to believe he's had such a crazy life when you see him in person.

"You Better Not Cry" is a continuation of his memoirs, and I think fans will only be disappointed by the brevity of this installment. The connecting theme throughout is Augusten's memo...more I've had the honor of seeing Augusten Burroughs read at the Brookline Booksmith in Brookline, MA, on two occasions. He's always very laid-back, mingles with his fans, and he's one of those authors who you feel like you could hang out with. It's hard to believe he's had such a crazy life when you see him in person.

"You Better Not Cry" is a continuation of his memoirs, and I think fans will only be disappointed by the brevity of this installment. The connecting theme throughout is Augusten's memories of Christmases past. The stories are hilarious, such as his recollection of a life-sized Santa that his grandparents brought to his house when he was a small boy. When everyone was out of the room, he started kissing the Santa and then proceeded to chew off its wax face, resulting in a trip to the hospital for a stomach pump.

Then there's the story of yet another one of his childhood cooking exploits. This time he makes a gingerbread house using allspice, which becomes a disaster. His mother says the cookie house looks like that eyesore of a house down the street. Later, his brother swoops down on said confection and proceeds to break off a large portion and devour it back in his room.

Not all of the stories are happy, such as his recollection of spending a drunken Christmas day with homeless people in New York city, sharing his life story and hearing stories from them. His reason for spending Christmas alone is because his closeted boyfriend must go home to spend the holidays with relatives.

The final story in the installment is about how he and his partner Dennis woke up on Christmas morning to find their immaculate dream home flooded. The culprit--some German designer faucets. Dennis nearly goes catatonic from the shock of it, while Augusten, his brother, and some helpful neighbors rush to the rescue, along with a highly efficient cleaning service that specializes in home flooding.

Longtime readers will get reacquainted with people like Augusten's brother, whom we learned in an earlier installment has Asperger's Syndrome. Although portrayed as a sort of bully in earlier works, the brother comes across as being the one who is there for Augusten in this book. We also get to see another side of Augusten's relationship with his partner George, whom is dying of AIDS.

Don't think that my review is giving away everything. There is still a lot I've left out, and you have to read these stories for yourself to see what I'm talking about. Fans of Augusten Burroughs will probably love this collection, and I'd even recommend it to anyone who might be new to his writing. And don't let the Christmas theme deter you from reading it year round. If you read it in July, think of it as mental bootcamp training for your next holiday and the trials it may bring.
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Jan 03, 2012 Valerie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2012

I love Augusten Burroughs, but this was not my favorite collection of his stories. The two at the beginning were good, and the last one was pretty good, but in between...ay yi yi. Each story is about something that happened to Augusten at Christmas time. The first one, where as a child, he confused Santa and Jesus was great--it's easy to see how that might happen if you grow up in a non-religious household. After the first few stories in his childhood, we jump to Augusten in the throes of his al...more

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Jul 28, 2011 Robert Starner added it

Very familiar territory here for readers familiar with Burroughs, his writing style and his life stories. Different glimpses at the Christmas holidays that he experience throughout his life, as a young boy whose curiosity about a lifesized Santa doll leads to a rush to the emergency room; the two day blackout spent sleeping with street bums across from his own apartment building and his first steps to recognition of his alcholism; and the final two stories which offer quite lovingly presented pr...more

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Jan 02, 2013 Laura rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Who doesn’t love tales of Christmases spent with families more dysfunctional than your own? Despite all the misfortune that crushes our author in almost every one of his holiday stories, we see him falling victim to the holiday spirit time and time again, like a lab rat repeatedly nibbling an electrified block of cheese. Burroughs’ tales are 90% perverse silliness and 10% heart-wrenching, except when they are the other way around - but regardless of the distribution, the self-deprecation and unv...more

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Nov 07, 2012 Heather Derussy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Christmas, for me, had traditionally be a time that does not bring much in the way of spirit or joy. I'm not allowed to my mother-in-law's home due to a conflict with her husband so for the past 4 years it has been especially shitty. The meaning of the season is lost in my family and it only makes me more depressed than usual. However every year I manage to snap myself out of the negative long enough to make sure my kids have a warm and happy holiday. I decided to get an early start on things th...more

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Dec 12, 2010 Robert rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor, holiday

I loved this book. While I have a Kindle reader, I decided that I wanted to go out and get the book instead because I loved the cover art, and I was attracted to the font and aesthetic elements of the text pages. I really enjoy Augusten Burroughs' writing. His stories have a lot of images that mirror my own experiences. These set of Christmas stories were very enjoyable. My favorites being the first two. Hilarious! Whenever I read his accounts of his childhood, I am shocked at how similar he was...more

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Jan 05, 2010 Claire rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: auto-biography, nonfiction

Burroughs is in top form again with a series of episodes from his life occurring around Christmas. Outrageous, horrifying, moving, full of humor and humanity. Through it all, I was rooting for him. The stories occur at different points in his life, but I always felt in the often Oh No! moment with him.

If you liked Running With Scissors, you'll like this.

Note well: it's not fluffy Christmas stories for children. Nor does one need to be into Christmas to enjoy it. He spent time fed up with the com...more

1 like · like · see review

Dec 04, 2010 kristin rated it 4 of 5 stars

I like this book because I identify with it (is this the most common reason for liking things? I like people for the same reason). Burroughs loved Christmas as a child, and so did I. Burroughs hated Christmas as an adult, and so did I. That’s pretty vague. That’s because my mother was not a mental case, my father was not a nasty asshole, and I was not dealing with confusing feelings about my sexuality. My childhood, however dissatisfying it was, was about a hundred times nicer than his.

On to th...more

6 likes · like · see review

Jan 22, 2013 Lynn rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: short-stories, autobiography

I was a Borders employee when I read this; Borders had selected it as a "make" book, so I read it. I laughed hysterically at certain points and was confounded at other times, for various reasons. I forewarned all my coworkers to screen customers showing interest for language and homosexuality...since the store was located in what I feel to be a conservative area. I am interested to read some of his other books now. His writing is raw and uncensored to a great degree, at least in my opinion! By b...more

1 like · like · see review

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About Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs born Christopher Robison, son of poet and writer Margaret Robison and younger brother of John Elder Robison.

Burroughs has no formal education beyond elementary school. A very successful advertising copywriter for over seventeen years, he was also an alcoholic who nearly drank himself to death in 1999. But spurned by a compulsion he did not understand, Burroughs began to write a...more Augusten Burroughs born Christopher Robison, son of poet and writer Margaret Robison and younger brother of John Elder Robison.

Burroughs has no formal education beyond elementary school. A very successful advertising copywriter for over seventeen years, he was also an alcoholic who nearly drank himself to death in 1999. But spurned by a compulsion he did not understand, Burroughs began to write a novel. Never outlining or consciously structuring the book, Burroughs wrote, "as fast as I could type, to keep up." Seven days later, Augusten Burroughs had written his first book. He had also stopped drinking. The book was published one year later. Burroughs remains sober to this day. And Sellevision stands as Burroughs's only published novel. It is currently in development as a feature film.

Augusten's second book was a memoir. It was also a publishing phenomenon that helped to ignite a kind of memoir fever in America and abroad. Running with Scissors was released in 2001 to virtually unanimous critical acclaim. The memoir would ultimately remain on the New York Times bestseller list for over four consecutive years, eight months of which were spent in the #1 position. The film, starring Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jill Clayburgh and Alec Baldwin was released in 2005.

He has since published four additional autobiographical volumes (Dry, Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking and A Wolf at the Table), all of them bestsellers. Currently published in over thirty countries, Augusten's book readings have become massively popular events on numerous continents. He has also headlined for the most prestigious literary festivals in the world, most recently the 2008 Melbourne writer's Festival, where he and Germaine Greer delivered the keynote addresses on opening night. In addition, Burroughs speaks regularly at colleges and universities on topics ranging from alcoholism and sexual abuse to the art of authoring one's own life and humor as serious medicine.

Twice honored by Entertainment Weekly as one of 25 funniest people in America, Burroughs shocked fans and the media alike with the release of A Wolf at the Table in early 2008. The brutal, terrifying and decidedly unfunny book instantly generated a storm of publicity and controversy. Critics were deeply divided, and the book received some of the worst -and best- reviews of the author's career. The book tour for A Wolf at the Table, spanned some six months and four countries, as Augusten performed for the largest crowds of his career. A Wolf at the Table is Augusten's bestselling hardcover to date.

While critics continue to challenge the veracity of Burroughs's books, questioning everything from his alcoholism and advertising career to his earliest childhood memories, the author remains nonplussed, even philosophical. "To be a journalist with a major American newspaper or magazine, you have to have an A-list college education. And to get into that A-list college, you had to do very well in the right high school. So the chances are, you were not being fucked up the ass at age twelve by a pedophile. The facts of my life are generally questioned by extremely privileged and well-educated people who, more likely than not, learned most of what they know about life's dangerous, shocking and sometimes unbelievable underbelly from books, television and the occasional Quentin Tarrantino film. The reason my books continue to sell, despite frequently being dismissed as "unbelievable," is because the people who read my books recognize the truth that is in them. They know the scent. They have smelled it. The very details the media view with such suspicion are the same details that prove to my reader, this guy was there. I remember that, too."

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Quotes from You Better Not Cry: St...

“And I began to let him go. Hour by hour. Days into months. It was a physical sensation, like letting out the string of a kite. Except that the string was coming from my center.” — 45 people liked it

“Acceptance, when it comes, arrives in waves: Listen with your chest. You will feel a pendulum swing within you, favoring one direction or another. And that is your answer. The answer is always inside your chest. The right choice weighs more. That's how you know. It causes you to lean in its direction.” — 35 people liked it

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BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6548291-you-better-not-cry?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1317792021l/6548291.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6548291-you-better-not-cry?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas by Augusten Burroughs[/url]

You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

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