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Alice I Have Been

by Melanie Benjamin (Goodreads Author)

3.63 of 5 stars 3.63 · rating details · 6,860 ratings · 1,493 reviews

Few works of literature are as universally beloved as Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Now, in this spellbinding historical novel, we meet the young girl whose bright spirit sent her on an unforgettable trip down the rabbit hole–and the grown woman whose story is no less enthralling.

But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?

Alice L...more

Hardcover, 345 pages

Published January 12th 2010 by Random House Publishing Group (first published December 9th 2009)

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Oct 15, 2011 The Holy Terror rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: historical-fiction, stand-alone, color-blue, borrowed, good-but-will-never-reread, historical, 2010, wonderland

I enjoyed this book but I wouldn't recommend it if you really really love the story of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Whether you decide to take the author's liberties with the story at face value or not this book will forever change the way you look at Alice's story. It's difficult after reading this book to not view Carroll's novel in a different light; I can't unknown what I know now and that makes me sad.

This novel tells the story of Alice Liddell Hargreaves, a real girl that inspired Lew...more I enjoyed this book but I wouldn't recommend it if you really really love the story of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Whether you decide to take the author's liberties with the story at face value or not this book will forever change the way you look at Alice's story. It's difficult after reading this book to not view Carroll's novel in a different light; I can't unknown what I know now and that makes me sad.

This novel tells the story of Alice Liddell Hargreaves, a real girl that inspired Lewis Carroll, né Charles Dodgson, to write his novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The author interweaves fact with fiction as she tells the story of Alice's life, with most of the novel being about Alice's childhood and her friendship with Dodgson. It's this friendship with Alice and her sisters that inspires the classic tale, but there's so much more to Alice's story than what happened down the rabbit hole.

The problem I had with this book was that it made me think of Lewis Carroll and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in an uncomfortable way. I had always enjoyed the story, although Peter Pan will always be my favorite classic childrens tale, but I was still pretty attached to the characters that Carroll had created. Once you know some of the back story though, those warm feelings you had about Alice in Wonderland might start to change.

The author did her research though; I can't fault her for that. I did a lot of cross-checking on Wikipedia and various sites and there's so many aspects of the story that the author could have completely made up but she did a great job of making it believable. You can see the connections she made and come to some of the same conclusions that she did, and she does it all very cleverly. The story is well-told and incredibly engrossing, and heart-breakingly sad on more than one occasion.

I'm curious to see if I read Carroll's novel now if I'd find some hints and clues from his and Alice's real lives. I also hope that this author writes something similar again because I really enjoyed the format in which she wrote. I'll definitely keep an eye out for her next book!(less)

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Dec 26, 2011 Noce rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: narrativa-americana, biografico

Non ho 34 anni. Ne ho 3,4.

E con questo libro il verdetto è finalmente raggiunto: a me le favole piacciono.

Ieri sera, mentre il verduraio sotto casa mi faceva gli Auguri di Natale, e guardavo distrattamente la nebbiolina mentre parlava, (nebbiolina quando si parla = molto freddo), io non vedevo l’ora di tornare a casa, prepararmi il tè, e tornare a leggere la vita di Alice.

Mi si chiederà: è una biografia attendibile? La storia della Musa ispiratrice di Lewis Carrol, è ampiamente documentata? Ebbe...more

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Nov 10, 2012 April rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: historical-fiction

Sometimes I like to read books I know will depress me. It's a weird habit, but something which keeps me in touch with my empathetic side. I found Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin to be a heartbreaking novel. Alice I Have Been follows the life of Alice Liddell, the real life Alice In Wonderland.
Read the rest of my review here

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Sep 18, 2009 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a wonderful book. It was written from the viewpoint of Alice Pleasance Liddell Hargreaves, the girl who inspired the book, Alice's adventures in wonderland. We follow her through her life, making leaps from childhood, to young womanhood, to her later years as a wife and mother. There is a scandal that haunts her from the time of her childhood through the rest of her life. There is also her fairytale love story that will pull at the heartstrings. All in all a great read. I think it would...more

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Dec 30, 2009 Mr. Pirkl rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Mr. Pirkl by: This was a giveaway

Shelves: giveaways, 2009

Historically based on the relationship of Alice Liddell and Lewis Carroll, Alice I Have Been: A Novel
, chronicles the friendship, the emergence of the story of Wonderland, the falling out of the Carroll and the Liddell family, and Alice's path to adulthood, marriage, and old age. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this novel. The relationships and characters were well developed. I especially liked reading about Dodgeson (his name before published as Carroll) as a photographer (something odd there) and...more

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Jul 28, 2012 Lisa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Lisa by: Shannon B

Shelves: audio

This is a great novel about Alice Liddell of Alice in Wonderland. 80year old Alice is the narrator or her life story. Her life centers around her relationship with author Dodson (Lewis Carroll), the book, her immediate family, then her own family including husband and children. I listened to this book and it was narrated very well. I had no idea of any back story of Alice or Mr. Dodson (Carroll), but found it fascinating and worrisome and creepy at the same time.

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Sep 16, 2009 Stephanie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

I just received this as a goodreads giveaway.
Wow I really like this one so far!! At first I thought the Dodgson/Alice relationship was a little weird but I'm chalking that up to just reading Belinda and also recently Lolita.

This is a wonderful book and I am so happy I got to read the advanced reading copy. One of the things I loved about this book was how the author takes specific points in Alice's life to reflect her journey...instead of just a linear year by year recollection. Just as one exam...more

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Aug 29, 2011 Julie (julie37619) rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

This is the absolute best first reads book I've read so far. I couldn't put it down, and I can't stop thinking about it now that I've finished. I was a little worried when I got it because I'm not typically a fan of historical fiction, but this book was amazing. I loved the characters, even the more dispicable ones, and can't wait to go to the library and look up some more information on Lewis Carroll and Alice.

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Feb 10, 2013 Victor Carson rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: history

I am very satisfied with my decision to read Alice I Have Been, while waiting for a copy of the author's new novel, The Aviator's Wife, to become available at the New York Public Library. The Alice of this novel is Alice, the subject of Lewis Carroll's story, Alice in Wonderland. Carroll knew Alice's family at Oxford, where Alice's father was the Dean of Christ Church College. Carroll was a mathematics professor (Lewis Carroll is a pen-name), as well as an author, poet, and photographer. He was...more

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Mar 11, 2012 John rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010, melanie-benjamin

A very touching, well-constructed tale of the life of Alice Liddell Hargreaves, the real Alice in Wonderland, as told by Alice herself. Ms. Benjamin takes the factual scaffolding of Alice and weaves a strong, believable latticework depicting a conflicted yet sturdy lover, wife, and mother. A wonderful historical fiction, and a totally worthwhile read!

John.

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Aug 29, 2009 Kate marked it as to-read

I really want to read this!

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Jan 23, 2010 Elly Sands rated it 4 of 5 stars

After I finished reading this book I did some research on Alice Liddell and Lewis Carroll to separate fact from fiction. Before doing this I was going to give it 3 stars but changed my rating to 4 stars. I realized that the author did an amazing job in weaving a novel around the lives of these two people. The book is about the life of Alice and her family, friends, loves and especially her relationship with Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll).The connection between these two and the suggestion of in...more

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Aug 01, 2009 Amanda marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: not-finished

Tell me I don't need to read this!

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Jan 29, 2010 karen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Melanie Benjamin's fictional account of Alice Liddell's life, Alice I Have Been, is written in the form of an autobiography.

I was listening to the book via iTunes while I worked, and sometimes I would zone out a little (there are a few spots that are slow) but for the most part it kept me involved in the story. Benjamin's writing is lovely and she uses language well.

The story itself is told by an elderly Alice; it begins with Alice's childhood, and her relationship with family friend Charles Do...more

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Sep 18, 2009 Laura rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult-fiction, historical-fiction, relationship-fiction, friendship, siblings

Alice of Wonderland's story--both her actual existence and Carroll's created existence--makes for fascinating fiction. In Benjamin's historical novel, readers are invited inside the mind of Alice of Wonderland, or rather, of Alice Pleasance Liddell (later Alice Hargreaves). As Alice looks back on her early years from her current viewpoint as a woman in her eighth decade, she reflects, "But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?"

Alice has some pretty fair j...more

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Oct 28, 2009 Nancy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

An eighty-year-old woman recounts her life in this fictionalized account of the real Alice in Wonderland, Alice Liddell. Alice was raised in Oxford, one of the daughters of the Dean of Christ Church. It was a world of privilege, though not a world that revolved around children. The Liddell family, but especially Ina, Alice, and Edith, the three oldest daughters, were befriended by a solitary and stuttering mathematics tutor named Charles Dodgson. Mr. Dodgson enjoyed photographing the children, t...more

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Nov 17, 2009 Amanda rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book. I won this as a pre-release from Goodreads, and I am thrilled it came to my doorstep. I started with a fascination with Alice in Wonderland and a slight knowledge that there was some mystery surrounding the relationship between Lewis Carrol and the real-life Alice. The book presents this mystery through the eyes of Alice in three different periods of her life. It is fictionalized, though I got the sense that Benjamin stayed true to the spirit of who Alice Liddell really was.

Th...more

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Aug 16, 2011 Krista rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The facts of the girl who inspired Alice in Wonderland, woven into a fictional account of what might have really happened between her and Chaled Dodgeson (aka, Lewis Carroll). I thought it was going to be slow the first few pages, then got very drawn into it. Not overly sappy, not overly dramatic, just the words and thoughts of a girl turning into a woman, then growing old and reflecting on the loves and loss of loves that plagued her life, simply because of the rumors and the attitudes of socie...more

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Mar 07, 2010 Kristin Rae added it

Shelves: read-in-2010, random-house, adult, historical

I laughed, I cried, I cried some more, I cried a LOT more. And for ten minutes after I closed the book.

It's haunting, and really drives home how quickly your life passes by. It's a fictional (because no one knows "exactly" what all happened) look into the life of the "real" Alice of Alice in Wonderland, her heartbreaking relationship with Lewis Carroll (Mr. Dodgson), how she expected her life to play out, and how it ended up playing out.

First of all, the writing is beautiful. Absolutely perfec...more

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Feb 05, 2010 Lisa rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: book clubs - those who like historical novels

Recommended to Lisa by: Jackie Blem

This was a wonderful historical novel based on the life of Alice Liddell who inspired Lewis Carroll to write Alice in Wonderland. Benjamin did an excellent job of telling a complex story of young Alice's relationship with Caroll aka Charles Dodgson - who was a young man at Oxford when they met. But is it more than that - it is about Alice's strength through a catastrophic time in her young life, followed by love and loss. It is about a girl becoming a woman - navigating Victorian England's stric...more

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Feb 14, 2013 Carol rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: historical-fiction, read-2013

The book really did start out slow for about the first quarter (for me) and I almost put it back "on the shelf" again as this is the second time I've picked it up, but I decided to stay with it based on friend's reviews and recommendations and am glad I did.

I agree with other readers that Lewis Carroll's relationship with and photo's of young girls was indeed creepy and suspect, however, I loved Alice and the fact that part of the book is based on historical facts. Although I rated the book 4 st

...more

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Feb 09, 2011 Mandy rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really liked this book and it made me think of Alice In Wonderland oh so differently.

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Apr 16, 2013 Milleniumgypsy rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

First off, this book was not what I expected. I don't know why I thought this, but I thought the story was from the point of view of the fictional adult Alice. This story is the fictional account of the real Alice, using historical events and rumors of what was actually going on between Alice Liddel, the girl who inspired to story of Alice in Wonderland, and Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll's real name).

I would say don't read this book if you love Alice in Wonderland and don't want to think badly...more

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Mar 22, 2013 Ellen Cohen rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

ut oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?

Who was the real-life Alice in Wonderland immortalized by Lewis Carroll, aka Charles Dodgson? In Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin, we see her as an irrepressible child, then a young woman who falls in love with a prince, and finally a mother and wife.

Alice I Have Been is an expertly woven story of Alice Pleasance Liddell's life that spans the Victorian era to the first World War. The first part, as told through...more ut oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?

Who was the real-life Alice in Wonderland immortalized by Lewis Carroll, aka Charles Dodgson? In Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin, we see her as an irrepressible child, then a young woman who falls in love with a prince, and finally a mother and wife.

Alice I Have Been is an expertly woven story of Alice Pleasance Liddell's life that spans the Victorian era to the first World War. The first part, as told through a very young and irrepressible Alice's eyes, is delightful. Benjamin captures her "voice" perfectly as an adventurous and outspoken child who's always getting into trouble. I thoroughly believed that this spirited little girl inspired a shy mathematics professor to tell and later write down a strange and fantastic tale based on her. Alice's privileged life in those days is described as a golden wonderland of boating trips down the Thames and being spun stories by Charles Dodgson, aka Lewis Carroll.

However, as is the Wonderland of the book, there is something a bit strange about the friendly Charles Dodgson. Benjamin treats Dodgson, a stammering, child-like adult who is constantly in the background of the Liddell family' lives, delicately. It is well-documented that Dodgson took many photographs of the Liddell children, especially the three girls, including Alice (the most famous of which is shown above - Alice Liddell as a gypsy girl). There is something startlingly adult in this little girl's gaze - as if a woman was staring out her eyes. Looking at Dodgson's barefoot muse, with a thin blouse off her shoulders, one has to wonder, what exactly was Dodgson's motives?

"I felt it most when he looked at me as he stood behind his camera, holding the cap to the lens, counting slowly, his eyes never moving from mine as he exposed the plate. There was something about his eyes---the color of the periwinkle that grew at the base of the trees in the Meadow, such a deep blue---that made me feel as if he could see my dearest wishes, my darkest thoughts, before they made themselves known to me. And that simply by seeing them, he was also giving me permission to follow them. Perhaps he was even showing me the way. For I wasn't very comfortable with the dark thoughts---muddled nameless thoughts---that sometimes came to me when I relaxed my watchfulness."

Did Dodgson have an obsession of photographing little girls? Was he a pedophile without knowing it? What happened to create a rift between the Liddells and Dodgson so that he was never allowed to associate with them again? What did he write in the many letters he sent to Alice, which her mother later destroy? Did Dodgson ask for the 10-year-old Alice's hand in marriage?

Benjamin answers some of these questions and leaves the rest half-illuminated. The odd figure of Dodgson is not presented in a black and white fashion. As a mother, such scenarios raise red flags for me, but the compelling way Benjamin tells the story of Alice and Dodgson kept me from turning away in disgust. Benjamin handles the subject matter very well so that when Alice's childhood and her association with Dodgson ends, it is as if I too have left Wonderland.

The rest of the book dealing with Alice as a young lady, a mother and wife, and then as an elderly woman looking back over her life is no less passionate than the story of her fabled childhood. The grownup Alice is courted by a prince, but even then, her fairy tale life turns dark. Mimicking the famous story that bears her name, Alice has to navigate treacherous tea parties with a very famous Mad Hatter-like adversary. Forever after she will have to deal with the scandal of her youth and the burden of being Lewis Carroll's Alice.

I like the complexity of Alice as she changes throughout the book, as well as the range of well-written characters, and the richly drawn Victorian setting. With echoes of the original classic, Melanie Benjamin's debut novel is an impressive imagining of what the real-life Alice might have been like.(less)

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Jan 12, 2013 Lynn rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: historical-fiction, relationships-relationships-relatio, b-free-arc, fiction-expert-pick, own-it, absolute-favorite-authors

I read this book prior to release as the recipient of the ARC while working at Borders. I truly loved this book; did not want to put it down until finished! I was totally unaware of the controversy surrounding Alice in Wonderland, the author and protagonist... I could so relate to Alice. I remember the scene in the train--her curiosity about a man and how it would feel to... I was Alice; I loved to roll down the hills of my grandmother's 180-acre farm, of which I had personal contact with every...more

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Jan 09, 2013 Louise Mundt rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: true-story

“Alice I Have Been” kunne være en kedsommelig bog, for i den bygger på delvist virkelige hændelser, og en kvinde i 1800-tallet oplever sjældent store eventyr set i forhold til nutidens standarder. Det er den dog langfra, for Melanie Benjamin formår at gøre historien lyslevende. Vi er dér sammen med Alice i hver scene og oplever, hvad hun oplever; føler, hvad hun føler.

Bogen handler i høj grad om overgangene i et menneskes liv: Det at blive voksen, om overgangen fra barn til ung kvinde, den først...more

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Nov 18, 2012 Deborah rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Alice in Wonderland fans

Shelves: historical-fiction, melanie-benjamin

Who was the Alice in "Alice in Wonderland"? Did you know the character was based on a real little girl that the Lewis Carroll told stories to? Having read much about Lewis Carroll, the pseudonym for Charles Ludwig Dodson, I was intrigued to read a fictionalized account of the story of Alice all grown up based on historical research. Although it is a fictionalized account, it does bring up a wide number of issues that have been discussed and argued about throughout time about the relationship bet...more

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Nov 01, 2012 Nicole rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a great read. I don't think that I have really connected to a character emotionally in a very long time, but I was sobbing at points while reading this book. As has been stated before, this book takes on the somewhat historical relationship between Dodgeson (Lewis Carroll) and the Liddell family. Considering the popularity of the "Lewis Carroll was a pervert" version of events, I think that the author deals with a subject that modern readers have a very hard time understanding, with dig...more This was a great read. I don't think that I have really connected to a character emotionally in a very long time, but I was sobbing at points while reading this book. As has been stated before, this book takes on the somewhat historical relationship between Dodgeson (Lewis Carroll) and the Liddell family. Considering the popularity of the "Lewis Carroll was a pervert" version of events, I think that the author deals with a subject that modern readers have a very hard time understanding, with dignity and sensitivity. This author knows what she's handling here, and does it expertly. Instead of jumping on the pervert bandwagon, she places Dodgeson in the context of the Victorian Cult of Childhood and while there is certainly a sense of romance between young Alice and Dodgeson, it is not predatory pedophilia, but falls more along the lines of the infatuation of a young woman with a man who has been her friend and chief encouragement in life, and feelings of comfort and ease from an older man who never really grew up. You get the feeling that Alice, while wise beyond her years, was dabbling in emotions she did not yet fully comprehend at an age where her competition with her older sister was getting out of hand. On the reverse side of things, you feel as though Dodgeson finds himself entranced by the innocence and freedom of childhood, embodied by the free spirited and pragmatic Alice, and utterly uncomfortable in the world of adulthood. For Dodgeson, Alice houses the best of both worlds; her matter of fact outlook on life makes her seem more the budding adult, as opposed to the very young child that she is, and yet her imaginative and compassionate nature, utterly unconcerned with the conventions of society, give her the innocent nature of a child. Yes, there is the affirmation that his attraction to her was wrong in that it was ill timed, but it does not make the claim that he was a deviant by nature. The story becomes less about Dodgeson and more about Alice as the book moves into the later years of Alice's life. Overall, the book is more concerned with how actions we take as young people shape out futures. Alice is a very romanticized character but she is profoundly relatable. Her relationships tend towards the highly dramatic, and yet I think this is a convention that the author employs to bring her personality into contrast with the nature of her era. My major issue with the book was the character of Mrs. Liddell. Her actions were somewhat inconsistent and I couldn't really grasp her motivations and apparent ill will towards her daughter. I make the assumption that this is supposed to be a reflection of her position as a Victorian mother, stereotypically detached from her offspring and far more invested in the social advancement of her clan, but it felt a bit cheap when paired with the vivid exploration of Alice, Dodgeson, and the rest of the main circuit of characters. This book is definitely historical fiction, and there are some pretty interesting liberties taken with events and relationships, but the author addresses this tendency and admits that this is at its heart, a reimagining of events, rather than a replication. In the main body of the story, she excludes the explanation of events which focuses on a possible relationship between Dodgeson and Mrs. Liddell or the teenaged Ina. In Alice's later life, the author also imagines a relationship with Prince Leopold, which seems plausible, yet is often disagreed upon by scholars. I found this to be an all around skillfully written book that is sure to entertain and tug at a few heart strings. (less)

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Oct 16, 2012 Farfished9 rated it 2 of 5 stars

I am giving this book 2 stars--but not for the reasons I am reading other folks here talk about in their 2 star reviews...

I was gonna give this book a 3 til I read what the author had to say at the end...This ticked me off!! What a load of crap!

So first she says that she wants to be clear about not having an agenda in writing this--that her personal opinions on how all this stuff may or may not have gone down totally is not what her book is about...and then in the same breath, she says just the...more I am giving this book 2 stars--but not for the reasons I am reading other folks here talk about in their 2 star reviews...

I was gonna give this book a 3 til I read what the author had to say at the end...This ticked me off!! What a load of crap!

So first she says that she wants to be clear about not having an agenda in writing this--that her personal opinions on how all this stuff may or may not have gone down totally is not what her book is about...and then in the same breath, she says just the opposite!

She defends the liberties she took with this story by talking about all the research she did...and how this can only justify her own line of thinking--and not only that--but how it would basically lead anyone to think along the same lines and jump to the same conclusions...like it was sooo obvious we should all think like her.

She creeped me out you guys...right here...where she says how she came across this picture Of Alice Lidell (the one in the book) as a child...and how she had the eyes of a woman...and how this disturbed her and got her thinking...basically...along disturbing lines. Uhhh--I am looking at this picture too!! I am NOT disturbed by it in any way--nor do I think there is this provocative nature in the the eyes of this child...I don't see the come hither look a sexually mature woman...a wordly woman...or even (at that) an old soul. Whaaaat?? I see a kid, y'all...with a fixed little look on her face and in her eyes...uhhh...probably because she had to stand there all extra still and FIXED for longer than a kid that age wants to, in order for the photo to be taken.

How many times do you get that honest in the moment gleam in the eyes of the subjects of your own pictures?..taken with our high speed cameras. I dunno about you guys but I snap, snap, snap away until I finally get one of the kids where they don't look vacant--bored--irritated that I am snapping away at them--until I finally get one where their eyes reflect the joy that is in them as they're playing at whatever, that day. You can't stage or fake that and you gotta get it at just the right moment. If I told a kid to stand there perfectly still and posed for nearly a minute so I could snap their picture--heck yeah they'd look all fixed and..."haunting." Deeeer...

This lady is reading waaay too much into this crap, man.

How would any of us like it if over a hundred years later...someone wrote about us as if they knew us personally? She said...this is Alice's story...she sounded so proud of that...to be able to say that she is telling Alice's story. For real?? Lady--you have no idea what Alice's story was! You don't know Alice because you weren't there to actually know her. These 'real' people are just as much fictional characters or ghosts of the past TO YOU as they are to any of us...

The nerve! B****, please! haha! (less)

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Aug 19, 2012 V.r. Christensen rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was rather haunting. I'm not sure how else to put it. It's not a feel good story, by any means. However, Ms. Benjamin's writing is compelling and her plot construction was not only faultless, but exemplary. This book was clearly written from the heart by someone who had the courage to delve into what it might have been like to be Alice. Ms. Benjamin's gentle care with the controversies surrounding the young Miss Lidell and her one time friend Mr. Dodgson (aka Lewis Caroll) was very muc...more This book was rather haunting. I'm not sure how else to put it. It's not a feel good story, by any means. However, Ms. Benjamin's writing is compelling and her plot construction was not only faultless, but exemplary. This book was clearly written from the heart by someone who had the courage to delve into what it might have been like to be Alice. Ms. Benjamin's gentle care with the controversies surrounding the young Miss Lidell and her one time friend Mr. Dodgson (aka Lewis Caroll) was very much appreciated, and I felt that her portrayal of a young girl caught up in something too big for her seven year old self to define, much less discuss, was extremely deftly handled. The question of what actually happened between them is not answered until the final pages, and was perfectly answered in a surprising, but very honest way. This isn't a story about sexual abuse, it's a story about forbidden love, and the complications and complexities that arise when one is forced to grow up too soon.

I felt Ms. Benjamin had a good grasp of Victorian values and mores, and placed her characters very appropriately within that setting, and that that attention to detail and setting carried through until the end. No one truly knows what happened between Dodgson and Miss Lidell and perhaps no one ever will, but here, at least, is an honest attempt to portray the side of the confused young girl. No aspersions are cast, no condemnations made. Neither do I think it is a romanticised depiction of child lust, as some of the other reviews seem to suggest. A feeling of guilt and shame pervade on her side, as well as a sense that Dodgson was dealing, and for the most part successfully, with his own demons.

I truly felt that Ms. Benjamin had fleshed out Alice in a way that made her highly relatable, and opened up, in a way I've rarely experienced in a book, a pathway for reconciliation and understanding, of ourselves, and of history. I'm grateful for this sensitively written novel.

I gave it four rather than five stars because it was a bit of a tough read for me, emotionally speaking. The subject matter, at least that alluded to, is difficult, but Ms. Benjamin handled it with great tact, addressing the emotional repercussions of what may have happened between Mr. Dodgson and his muse. And yet those emotions are drawn so vibrantly, it is difficult not to live them oneself, or to relive them as the case may be. (less)

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About Melanie Benjamin

Melanie Benjamin is the author of the national bestseller, ALICE I HAVE BEEN, THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MRS. TOM THUMB, as well as the forthcoming THE AVIATOR'S WIFE, a novel about Anne Morrow Lindbergh. She lives in the Chicago area with her husband and two sons. She's currently at work on her next historical novel.

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Trivia About Alice I Have Been

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Quotes from Alice I Have Been

“I suppose at some point, we all have to decide which memories - real or otherwise - to hold on to, and which ones to let go.” — 50 people liked it

“Why, then, did I always feel as if his happiness was my responsibility? It wasn't fair for him to burden me with that. It had never been fair.” — 40 people liked it

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Alice I Have Been

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