Epilogue

Feb 15, 2010

Chrissie rated it

Shelves: kirkus, bio, life-stages, philo-psychol, text-checked, usa

A wonderful book about a difficult subject! How do you feel when your husband dies after a long happy marriage? The author is almost 70 and she had been married for almost 40 years. The book isn't about the death itself, but afterwards - how you cope with living without the other oerson. This deals with a subject that usually never appeals to me. I do not like books that deal out pat answers on how to solve problems. They couldn't possibly succeed - everyone is different. So I rarely want any ad...moreA wonderful book about a difficult subject! How do you feel when your husband dies after a long happy marriage? The author is almost 70 and she had been married for almost 40 years. The book isn't about the death itself, but afterwards - how you cope with living without the other oerson. This deals with a subject that usually never appeals to me. I do not like books that deal out pat answers on how to solve problems. They couldn't possibly succeed - everyone is different. So I rarely want any advice. It is not that I have the answers, far from it, but I have to figure out myself how to deal with a "problem". So why did I pick up the book? Well, because I was drawn to the writing style. I am not even faced with this problem, being happily married and about 10 years younger than the author. Nevertheless this is something I might have to deal with some day, unless I pop off first which I probably will. BUT when my father died I watched my Mom and wondered how I could help. That was before I read the book. Honestly I don't think the book advises - not at all. What it does do is let you consider what that would be like. Rather than giving advice it poses hundreds and hundred of questions that you, the reader can ponder. So you can easily understand why I appreciated this book. When the author finaaly reaches an answer, she flips it in her head and asks - is that all total bullshit?! If you are looking for answers - don't read this book. If you want to try and understand how it may feel and want to be egged on by questions that you yourself can ponder then I highly recommend it.

There is humor on every dam page. She laughs at herself and her crazy thoughts. This lets the readers laugh at themselves too. When it gets sad, she immediately counters with humor. There is so much in this book. I think I read it too quickly. Perhaps it would have been even better had I juggled it with another book so that I could go on thinking about the questions, let them sink in so that maybe I would find my own solutions.

The author's descriptions are spot-on! She describes family and reading and eating and computer friendships and emotions and memories..... Are you filled with violent emotions or do you go numb? I think I would be numbed. That is how the author reacts. How do you make a meal - FOR ONE! Everything is hunky-dory and then her husband's handwritten recipe falls from a cookbook and the tears just flood down her cheeks. Over a recipe?!

"I cannot stop the tears.........But what can I do, they have arrived.I trust they will go. I could call a friend. I don't. These tears are not matters for a friend. Just between H and me. Whiich under the circumstances means just for me. Tears do not wash away the debris they bring any more than rain empties the sky of water. I go to my desk. 'Welcome,' says my computer. Writing stops the tears: immediately. I would never risk harm to my computer. Water might seep in and destroy a chip, an electronic pulsea necessary connection. I type dry-eyed. I have restored the levee."

This is what I mean by humor! Had I written a review as I read the book I would have quoted much, much more - the writing is excellent. I have not been disappointed. This is a five star book. A daunting subject, dealt with honestly and perceptively, interwoven with humor.

Starting the book: I am tired of being so naive, thinking every book is going to be magical and then getting disapopinted. So I am going to keep my mouth shut until the end. I will only say that this is definitely not the kind of book I usually pick, but I was impressed by the writing. Now through page 19 I confirm that the writing IS very beautiful, very expressive and poignant. This woman has something to say and she says it well. Please don't let me be sdisappointed. One short quote to give you an idea:

"I am not here if no one sees or hears me. Like the proverbial tree in the forestI neither fall nor stand unobserved. But I am observing myself and that should be enough. "

How ill one feel after 40 years of marriage and your husband dies?(less)

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Jul 31, 2008

Danna rated it

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Recommends it for: Older readers (30+) Who Have Lost A Loved One, Grievers, Mourners, Journal Keepers

Recommended to Danna by: Harper MySpace Readers Program - myspace.com/harper1817

If you've passed Anne Roiphe's books on shelves at BookPeople and Borders like me (see Up the Sandbox! through Water from the Well...), you may already be familiar with descriptions of her feminist writings, which combine realism and romance. Roiphe is also a well-established memoir writer (1185 Park Avenue and Fruitful: A Real Mother) connecting with women readers for four decades. Her latest memoir, Epilogue, is true to her trademark duality, without detached factual research and fiction's art...moreIf you've passed Anne Roiphe's books on shelves at BookPeople and Borders like me (see Up the Sandbox! through Water from the Well...), you may already be familiar with descriptions of her feminist writings, which combine realism and romance. Roiphe is also a well-established memoir writer (1185 Park Avenue and Fruitful: A Real Mother) connecting with women readers for four decades. Her latest memoir, Epilogue, is true to her trademark duality, without detached factual research and fiction's artifice. This is her life, after the end of a thirty-nine year relationship - the beginning of the end as the title implies.

Epilogue conflicts with the notion of the typical feminist memoir in that it admits what many diehard feminist writers won't - that a longterm companionship with the opposite sex is not a weakness, but a strength. It relates a universal message: When we lose that closeness, that intimacy we've had for so long, we struggle, even with a network of family and friends who grieve with us. The reader is is carried along the widowed author's natural grief and recovery process - indicated by the natural phases of the moon replacing numbered chapters and parts.

Roiphe's memoir contains tersely profound prose that doesn't offer a self help cure for grief and loneliness after the death of a loved one. It isn't a golden god memoir about her life partner, an imperfect lover, husband, father, and psychoanalyst either. Epilogue is a personal account of life after a partner dies, and how we struggle for normalcy and companionship - which can often contradict the feminist notion of an independent woman. Roiphe asserts that despite our independence, we are social animals who need relationships in our lives. Not because they define who we are as women, but because we all need to connect - and thrive - as human beings.

The widowed septuagenarian author's brusque prose and lack of dialogue between the real life characters may be a turn-off to younger readers. However, older readers (over thirty) who have experienced a personal loss of someone close may appreciate and relate to the text as a cathartic testament of a writer compelled to share her story.

Overall, Anne Roiphe's Epilogue is a good read. (less)

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Nov 17, 2008

Janet rated it

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Shelves: memoir-bio

One writers passage through the grief of losing her husband of 40-odd years. After tough times of loneliness, odd internet dating and friends who dissolve away (all described in wonderful detail), she discovers that she will make it on her own. Sad but not always. Lonely but not unbearably. She recognizes that altho close companionship is often a key to happiness and comfort, being on her own is enough. We are all, after all, in this alone. You an almost feel her relief at settling in with a...more

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Jan 27, 2009

Diane rated it

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This memoir is the story of Anne Roiphe, a novelist, who at 69 years of age, lost her husband of almost 40 years rather unexpectedly. She was unprepared for life on her own, and she found it difficult to piece together the basics for a new life, as her grief at times seemed unbearable.

Several months after her husband's death, her daughters placed a personal ad in the New York Review of Books. They described their mother as a writer, and an attractive woman who loved the ocean and boo...more

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May 20, 2011

Edith rated it

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There are many older women writing about their widowhood these days. Writer and journalist Anne Roiphe joins them. She comes from a privileged New York City background (see her earlier memoir "1185 Park Avenue") and is mourning the loss of her psychoanalyst husband of nearly 40 years. She is trying to deal with her need for companionship and love and is actively seeking a new man in her life while still mourning her late husband.

Anne Roiphe is a woman with many advantages-...more

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Aug 30, 2009

Kathleen Hagen added it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2009-audio-books, 2009-nonfiction

Epilogue, by Anne Roiphe, narrated by Lorna Raver, produced by Blackstone Audio, downloaded from audible.com.

Anne Roiphe, a journalist, uses journaling, and ultimately this book, to deal with the aftermath of her husband’s sudden death and the starting of a new life. She writes this story in vignettes. We see her balancing a checkbook for the first time, hailing a taxi, lockingher own door, going out with a man from a personal ad her daughter puts in the paper, to joining match.com ...more

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May 18, 2009

David rated it

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memoir of bereavement after her husband died. To the extent there is humor, it comes in her recounting of online dating as a 70-year old and some of the unusual men her search reels in. Does a nice job of describing her late husband, a psychoanalyst who worked with little kids and liked to watch NY Giants football on TV.

To some extent the book is repetitive -- it's more a meditation than a factual or chronological description of the year. She certainly says she feels lonely or doe...morememoir of bereavement after her husband died. To the extent there is humor, it comes in her recounting of online dating as a 70-year old and some of the unusual men her search reels in. Does a nice job of describing her late husband, a psychoanalyst who worked with little kids and liked to watch NY Giants football on TV.

To some extent the book is repetitive -- it's more a meditation than a factual or chronological description of the year. She certainly says she feels lonely or doesn't want to be a burden to her kids or isn't sure she'll ever find another good relationship or resents her late husband's first wife's hassling for a financial settlement many times each. I enjoyed reading it, though, mainly for (a) her honesty in examining some of her own regrets, old grudges, somewhat snobby views of people with less education or a lower SES, and especially (b) her writing itself, which I found very graceful. A couple examples:

[about not minding that a guy she dated once didn't call again:] "It is a blessing of old age not to care if someone should choose not to dance. I find to my delight that I have outgrown, or perhaps outlasted, the need for every eye to shine on me kindly."

[about no longer getting invited to social events:] "even the expensive benefit invitations with embossed fancy script, which I used to throw in the wastebasket, rarely arrive. I never properly appreciated the invitations to places I didn't want to go."

The one discordant note for me, stylistically, is that she calls everyone by initials -- my late husband H., my daughter K., my nephew P. etc. What's the point of that? She put her real name on the book, and one of her daughters is herself a famous writer, so it's not doing much for anonymity in the case of the family. Even with other people, why not just make up a regular name? would read better.

Overall, a good read -- meanders around, but there are individual memorable stories such as a sad one about her closeted gay brother who died of AIDS, and how the posthumous revelation of his secret life affected the family.(less)

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Jun 13, 2009

Laurel-Rain rated it

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In the first year of her life after the death of her spouse—of almost forty years—author Anne Roiphe must face all the usual phases of loss and grieving.

As she weaves together the tale of her journey, she moves back and forth, between memory—of her husband, of their life together—and new experiences of life alone.

Old friends seem unfamiliar, in their continued state of coupledom, and new friends—men she meets online at Match.com—seem alternately odd and/or discordant in t...more

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Oct 10, 2009

Catherine rated it

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The description from the inside flap of the book was a bit deceiving. It tells the reader that Roiphe loses her husband at the age of seventy and explores new love after loss. There is that element. I got the impression--mistakenly--that the book would be similar to A Round-Heeled Woman by Jane Juska, which discussed later in life dating with a lighter touch, but with some seriousness.

This book, for me, was really about the intense emotional deepening of life after the loss of a s...more

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Nov 23, 2008

Carrie rated it

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A really lovely exploration of life after loss, including how much happiness and companionship we have the right to expect across the course of our lives. Although much of the book is heartbreaking in its honesty, I did giggle a little when Roiphe discusses the online dating scene for the after-fifty set. My favorite paragraph: "If the owl and the pussycat went to sea in a pea-green boat and the owl flew off, the pussycat better pick up the oars and row toward shore--she has, after all, n...more

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Jan 22, 2010

Steve rated it

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Recommends it for: urban grievers

I only have one thing in common w/ the NYC, Jewish feminist, but I identified w/ her strongly. This was also the only book I really have read regarding the grief from the lose of your spouse. I kind of zoned out on some of the introspection, but enjoyed when she talked about the day to day living. And I love her honesty about what she hopes she can bring herself to do when it all gets to be too much. The first dating experience w/ the pawing 70 yr old was hilarious, but after awhile she spen...more

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Nov 01, 2008

Deirdre rated it

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I enjoyed this book, which I just finished in about a day. It's episodic, so it's easy to read - many brief excerpts from Roiphe's life as a new widow. The book brought to mind The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. I've always enjoyed Roiphe's other books, on feminism, marriage and being a mother.

This book was very honest, and I liked that aspect, as if she was having a conversation with the reader. She did such a good job of describing her feelings of loneliness and iso...moreI enjoyed this book, which I just finished in about a day. It's episodic, so it's easy to read - many brief excerpts from Roiphe's life as a new widow. The book brought to mind The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. I've always enjoyed Roiphe's other books, on feminism, marriage and being a mother.

This book was very honest, and I liked that aspect, as if she was having a conversation with the reader. She did such a good job of describing her feelings of loneliness and isolation as widow that I felt slightly claustrophobic reading the book, as if I wanted to escape her apt. and her life along with her.

I loved the honesty - yet there were times when I felt she skimmed the top of honesty as it pertained to her relationships with her husband and her children, but then didn't really dig deep enough. I guess I wanted more. I didn't come away feeling like I knew her husband or her family, but perhaps that was her intent. It felt a bit like a stream of consciousness, so there were times when I wished she'd stopped the stream and gone deeper to give us context so we could have understood what she was missing. For instance, I wish there'd been more about her husband and their marriage alongside her dates on match.com. It was hard to relate to her efforts to get out into the world of dating when I wasn't entirely familiar with whom and what she had lost. I didn't fully understand the closeness in the marriage, in the way that I felt I did with Didion's book.

Still, the dating parts were intriguing - especially the revelation that dating doesn't really change whether you're in your 30's or your 70's - if a guy doesn't call, you worry about what you did wrong no matter how old you are, and even if a guy is a freak, your imagination immediately carries you into the future, and you start thinking after one phone call, maybe I'll move to his house in Florida and we'll walk on the beach every evening. So that was fascinating. Women don't change, no matter the age.

All in all, a good read and highly recommended, especially for anyone who's experienced a loss of any kind. (less)

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Apr 08, 2009

Marie rated it

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Shelves: memoirs

Roiphe is a poetic, gifted writer. The way she describes certain situations in her life or her feelings of grief after the death of her husband are masterful. I meant to give some example quotes from the book I liked, but I forgot and put it in the "to be returned to the library" pile.

Wikipedia describes Anne Roiphe as a feminist writer. I've never read any of her books before--and in fact I think I might check out one of her novels out of curiosity. She is the mother of th...moreRoiphe is a poetic, gifted writer. The way she describes certain situations in her life or her feelings of grief after the death of her husband are masterful. I meant to give some example quotes from the book I liked, but I forgot and put it in the "to be returned to the library" pile.

Wikipedia describes Anne Roiphe as a feminist writer. I've never read any of her books before--and in fact I think I might check out one of her novels out of curiosity. She is the mother of the very controversial Katie Roiphe.

If I hadn't read that description, I would never have labeled her as a feminist. She describes how her husband would always unlock the front door--she had never unlocked the front door until after he died! How does a woman have any independence if she never leaves her house without her husband (or if she does, he is always there to open the door for her when she returns)? She is a bit of a throw-back, if you ask me.

Roiphe enters the dating world after the death of her husband, and chronicles her adventures in this book. What I found most puzzling about her story was her apparent interest in the last man she found online. He was conservative, racist, sexist, and homophobic, yet she was strangely drawn to him. I cannot imagine ever falling in love with some diametrically opposed values to mine, to begin with. But for her to be attracted to this man, or the idea of this man, when he was sending her these soapbox e-mails about how all the world's evils were caused by the Arabs, homosexuals, and women? I cannot for the life of me begin to understand this. Finally she wised up, but it took her a heckuva long time.

So I give it three stars because of the beauty of the writing. However, as a person, I did not find her particularly appealing. She writes about her children and grandchildren as if they are very distant from her. Perhaps it's a New York WASP kind of thing to do.

She wrote eloquently about grief, but another oddity was that she celebrated many Jewish traditions (Seder, Kaddish, etc.), yet seemed to be an atheist and was absolutely positive that there was no life after death.

I'm debating about the number of stars, but I think I will leave it at three for now.(less)

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Feb 04, 2012

Christine rated it

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Shelves: biography, grown-ups, tearjerker

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Apr 12, 2009

Pat rated it

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Very interesting book. Like Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking, this is a book about adjusting to widowhood after years and years of a good marriage. This is not as good as Didion's book, which was superb, but good nevertheless. Roiphe seems to rush the "getting over grief" process. But we are talking about different relationships; different cultural attachments and just a generally different way of thinking. Quite interesting in its own right.

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Jul 24, 2009

Debbie (Readerbuzz) Nance rated it

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Roiphe’s husband dies unexpectedly and she is terribly lonely. Her daughters try to help her by taking out a personal ad for her. She tries to help herself by going online and using a service. She gets calls and she goes on dates. It is all a tremendous disappointment.

Time passes and Roiphe gives up on the outside dating help. She gradually comes to find a peace in her solitariness. She decides to wait and see if love comes to her.

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Dec 14, 2008

Ilona rated it

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This is an autobiography of writer Anne Roiphe's life as a widow. It is not as well-written as Joan Didion's more famous book on the same topic, but it has other strengths. She tried to meet a man through friends and online sources and describes doing this as a woman in her early 70s. I got a little tired of the insular world of NYC she lives in, but overall found it interesting and worth reading

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Nov 11, 2011

Amblingbooks.com marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: available-on-audio, memoir

"In poignant flashes of everyday moments and memories, Roiphe tells an unflinching and unsentimental story of widowhood's stupefying disquiet, of surviving love and living on." - Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Listen to Epilogue on your smartphone.

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Jan 30, 2012

{eri} rated it

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Shelves: kindle

Overallgood message and reflections with some parts that made me tear up. I was directed to this book after reading an excerpt from it on a blog where the poster was discussing not taking your life partner for granted. I wholeheartedly agree and the little things that the author misses about her husband really support the notion of being happy with every second you can with that person and to enjoy the little things.

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Oct 16, 2009

Holly rated it

I was disappointed - a 70-something widow writes about dealing with her husbands death and attempting to date again. The review made it sound as if most of the book would be centered around her dating life post husband's death. She made short references to the men she went out with - dull descriptions surrounding anything to do with the dates - the place, the man, her emotions.

Instead, the book centered around her pain after her husbands death. I can read about other's pain in lif...more

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Jan 31, 2012

Xebe(tron) rated it

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Heartbreaking and hopeful. Full of love. A biography of a woman's year of life after her husband of 39 years passes away.

Really well written and very moving. I definitely had little tear ups more than once.

If your belief in everlasting love is ever shaken this is a good reminder that it exists.

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May 07, 2010

Carol rated it

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This is a very interesting, sensitive, well-written memoir of a woman trying to move on after losing her husband of many years. Very eloquent, sometimes bleak, but if you've ever wondered about the experience of widowhood this is your book...

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Jan 13, 2009

Ann rated it

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Anne was widowed at 70. This book is about creating a new life. Being a bit younger but also on my own, I was interested in her endeavors and decisions. Each one of us must make our own path. However, I welcome suggestions from others.

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Mar 30, 2009

Jackie rated it

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A journal-like memoir of a year post-death of a spouse.
Interior monologue of a most particular kind of West side intellectual. Both warm and cold--never giving up, and yet longing to. Every intelligent person has a plan...

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Apr 02, 2009

Florence rated it

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A painfully honest chronicle of the period after the death of the author's husband. She tries to find a new pattern and meaning in her life. A glimpse into the world of over seventy online matchups. Should one take a chance on starting a relationship with an 89 year old man?

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Jan 22, 2012

Crystal rated it

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This memoir was about the year following her husband's death, navigating through life in old age. Considering dating, and being on her own when she hasn't been for so long (she is in her 70's). It was very well-written and touching.

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Nov 24, 2011

Jay Z rated it

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Shelves: memoir-creative-nonfic

Lady's hubby of a gazillion years kicks the bucket. Lady decides to do some senior's online dating. Lady has many awkward dates with suitably old men. Lady pontificates at length about these dates and occasionally misses her dead hubby. Jay Z reads resulting memoir, boring & irrelevent, and wants to drown herself in a puddle of sewage. The end.

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Jan 26, 2009

Kate Davis rated it

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Anne is not quite 70 when her husband of 40 yrs dies. This is a memoir about the next 18 months or so. I really enjoyed her writing skill. Descriptions of emotions and sense of places were beautiful.

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Mar 19, 2009

Natalie rated it

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She's a genuinely good writer; I can tell. I may try another one of her books. However, on this topic, I lost interest in the book in the middle. As a widow, she talks about the loss of her husband. She elaborates on how to live without him. In this she speaks about building relationships with other men. She basically feels alone and does not want to burden her children with her lonliness. I understand her feelings and the premise of the book. But... alas, I am missing the schematic background t...more

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Jan 09, 2009

Barbara rated it

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I heard Scott Simon interview Anne Roiphe on NPR and immediately went shopping for this memoir. One-third of the way through, I have not been disappointed. At times I feel I am looking in a mirror.

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title link	preview: Epilogue: A Memoir
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