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Helping Those Who Hurt

3.50  ·  Rating Details  ·  14 Ratings  ·  3 Reviews
What Do You Say to a Friend When...
His child is killed in an accident?
Her husband has filed for divorce?
She is diagnosed with cancer?

Throughout our lifetimes, we'll find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of not knowing what to say to a friend suffering a loss or trauma. But not doing anything brings more harm than good. As Christians, it is not a question of whet
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Paperback, 143 pages
Published December 1st 2006 by Bethany House Publishers (first published June 2003)
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Andy Hickman
Jun 19, 2015 Andy Hickman rated it liked it
Beneficial read.

H. Norman Wright, Helping Those Who Hurt: Reaching Out to Your Friends in Need (Minneapolis, MN: Bethany Publishing, 2006).

Professional Counsellor Norman Wright believes that one third of his clients need not have seen him if they had of seen a pastor.

Grieving people need non-judgmental assistance in clarifying their grief.

Be prepared to feel hurt when your offers of help are rejected, and do not be overly concerned at a grieving person's spiritual doubts.

What they have experienc
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Kourtney
Nov 21, 2011 Kourtney rated it it was ok
I found the "to-do" and "don't do" lists in the back of this book to be the most helpful parts. Some of the dialogue throughout the chapters seemed redundant to me... I think based on the description, I was expecting something more about how to help those in the immediate aftermath of grief.
Shiloh
Dec 22, 2007 Shiloh rated it liked it
Good book under the circumstances. I was surprised by some "not to do's" that I have done. But it also has a practical list of helpful things to do.
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“It’s been suggested that successful communication consists of 7 percent content, 38 percent tone of voice, and 55 percent nonverbal communication. We’re usually aware of the content of what we’re saying, but not nearly as aware of our tone of voice.” 2 likes
“true—helping a hurting person is a bit scary. We want to do the right thing, not the wrong thing—say what will help, not what will hurt. To add to our confusion, our friend is “not quite herself.” She’s different. We want our friend fixed and back to normal. All you have to do is care. Harold Ivan Smith described the process so well: Grief sharers always look for an opportunity to actively care. You can never “fix” an individual’s grief, but you can wash the sink full of dishes, listen to him or her talk, take his or her kids to the park. You can never “fix” an individual’s grief but you can visit the cemetery with him or her. Grief sharing is not about fixing—it’s about showing up. Coming alongside. Being interruptible. “Hanging out” with the bereaving. In the words of World War II veterans, “present and reporting for duty.” The grief path is not a brief path. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.[1] What can you expect from a friend who is hurting? Actually, not very much. And the more her experience moves beyond a loss and closer to a crisis or trauma, the more this is true. Sometimes you’ll see a friend experiencing a case of the “crazies.” Her response seems irrational. She’s not herself. Her behavior is different from or even abnormal compared to the person not going through a major loss. Just remember, she’s reacting to an out-of-the-ordinary event. What she experienced is abnormal, so her response is actually quite normal. If what the person has experienced is traumatic she may even seem to exhibit some of the symptoms of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). And because your friend is this way, she is not to be avoided. Others are needed at this time in her life. These are responses you can expect. Your friend is no longer functioning as she once did—and probably won’t for a while. You Are Needed You are needed when a person experiences a sudden intrusion or disruption in her life. If you (or another friend) aren’t available, the only person she has to talk with for guidance, support, and direction is herself. And who wants support from someone struggling with a case of the “crazies”? But a problem may arise when your friend doesn’t realize that she needs you, at least at that particular time. Your sensitivity is needed at this point. Remember, when your friend is hurting and facing a loss, you are dealing with a loss as well, because the relationship you had with your friend has changed. It’s not the same.” 1 likes
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