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The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss
We tend to understand grief as a predictable five-stage process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But in The Other Side of Sadness, George Bonanno shows that our conventional model discounts our capacity for resilience. In fact, he reveals that we are already hardwired to deal with our losses efficientlyhelp us deal effectively with loss. And grievi...more
Hardcover, 240 pages
Published
September 22nd 2009
by Basic Books
(first published September 21st 2009)
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I tried reading this last year about 6 months after my son died, and couldn't finish it. I lost my mother 20 years ago, and my father a year before my son. His subject for a bereaved parent was a close friend who lost a daughter in New York on 9-11. Not very objective. He had a couple meetings with her toward the end of the first year of the daughter's death. He discussed with her how "well" she was doing. She had created a foundation in her daughter's name and was functioning, could ...more
This is an interesting look at grief and bereavement. It is not a self help book, rather an educational and research based piece that explains findingsof research. There are significant areas devoted to cultural differences in grief and bereavement. To me this is more "required reading" for college class credit than a casual read for the newly or formerly bereaved, however it touches upon the normalcy of bereavement an in that piece it is an extraordinary piece that everyone should be ...more
Have learned a lot from this book. Those 5 stages of grieving were originally for people who were dying, not for people who lost someone. More later...
I haven't ever read anything in the field of grief/bereavement studies before, and I don't know anything apart from passing knowledge with the Kubler-Ross model of the 5 stages of grief. This is a very interesting and straightforward book that points out from the start that the 5 stages model was developed from the point of view of the person who was facing their own impending death, not that of a loved one.
The main message the book delivers is that everyone mourns in their own way. ...more
The main message the book delivers is that everyone mourns in their own way. ...more
Even though it says some obvious things, and veers off in tangents having to do with the author's personal history that don't seem to belong in a book that purports to be about the science of grieving, the good news is that people don't have to feel beholden to a schedule of bereavement such as the Kubler Ross' step system describes. Bonanno has new studies that show many many people are resilient after the death of an important person in their lives.
While the author did a good job of highlighting the strength of the human character in dealing with loss, he did a disservice in making the assumption that grief has an end point (whether short or long. I believe people can continue to grieve the loss of a loved one throughout life, and still be fully functioning human beings.
I'd heard about this new book just around the time my father died in October. I bought it for my mother, but she didn't seem to appreciate it, so I decided to read it myself.
I was attracted to the "Science" in the title. I wanted to understand the brain chemistry involved in this specific type of depression. And though this intellectual approach appealed to me, I guess what I was really hoping for was an emotional blueprint to follow -- not so much for me losing a father, but for...more
I was attracted to the "Science" in the title. I wanted to understand the brain chemistry involved in this specific type of depression. And though this intellectual approach appealed to me, I guess what I was really hoping for was an emotional blueprint to follow -- not so much for me losing a father, but for...more
Excellent research on the science of bereavement, recommended to anyone experiencing loss. The book was encouraging as it highlighted 'our' ability to learn from sadness and move forward to a richer life.
I read this book for work, which is probably why it took me so long to read! :) It was very interesting though. It is the new research on grief and how people progress through bereavement. Most people are familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grief and often use that as a reference. Her career was helping terminal patients confront their own death. "For thet most part, though, it seems that facing one's own death is not the best experience upon which to model how people cope with ...more
I picked this book up as an educational/scientific read, and found the author's perspective on the book interesting--instead of warning about latent grief, and demonstrating how difficult grief is, he talks about human resilience, and how normal it is to rise above grief quickly and easily, with no hidden shock or denial. However, as an educational or scientific work, it had chapters upon chapters of anecdotal evidence and distracted explanations. The conceptual basis of this book is good, it ...more
a great book on what is actually evidence=based re: grief. very informative.
Interesting views and a new perspective on grieving and loss. This read really well for a nonfiction book.
His thesis is essentially, "It's ok to get over your grief quickly!" Which I frankly don't find all that helpful or relevant.
Human resilience seems to be unbounded.
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