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Keeping the Love You Find
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Keeping the Love You Find

3.9 of 5 stars 3.90  ·  rating details  ·  282 ratings  ·  23 reviews
Your dream of finding a partner is a natural and normal human instinct and your dream is perfectly achievable. Whatever your history, whatever your heartbreak, as a single person you are in an ideal position to learn what you need to know what what you can do to greatly improve your chances for finding, and keeping, love. With Keeping the Love You Find, renowned relationsh ...more
Paperback, 303 pages
Published February 1st 1993 by Atria Books (first published February 1st 1992)
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Sarah
This book's title makes it seem super cheesy, but really, I think everyone that is single needs to read it and everyone married needs to read its predecessor, "Getting the Love You Want."

This book is fascinating on both a personal level and on a sociological level.

Basic premise: We are attracted to potential mates and admire qualities in them that are seemingly different from ourselves. Those qualities end up annoying us and a power struggle ensues. Example: "I love that David is so hard workin
...more
Trish Doolin
This is an amazing and refreshing book for anyone who is frustrated with the singles scene and the game playing of dating. It puts your whole dating experience into perspective and helps you rethink your notion of romantic love. I read this shortly before meeting the man who has since become my husband and without it our relationship (now in its 6th yr)probably would not have ended up the same way. The companion Getting the Love you Want for married and committed couples is great too!
Keshia
This is a must read for singles who are expecting a love in their life and would like to make a wholehearted effort to be prepared for their great love. Hendrix takes the reader on an in-depth journey of various childhood ills that if not healed prior to a relationship will surely manifest in a relationship. In fact, as you learn about childhood ills and the stage at which they manifest, his book has the added benefit of helping you become a better parent. Hendrix gives you a level of understand ...more
Ruby
Dec 16, 2011 Ruby rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: masochists
Recommended to Ruby by: my big sis
Anyone who claims they have read this book and completed all the exercises in their entirety has to be either a flat out liar or an individual with a remarkable threshold for pain.

I started this book in March 2011 and have been struggling to finish it ever since.

That isn't to say that the book isn't a good one. There are actually many, many favorable things about this book.
1. It is flammable (jk...sorta)
2. Hendrix has many interesting things to say about the Imago and why we are attracted to pe
...more
Elizabeth
This book was really helpful and made a lot of sense. I would definately recommend it.
Tom Morrow
I haven't read past page 100. I doubt that I'll continue any further.

Dr. H's book comes across as an immediate assault on the single life. It would seem he is personally uncomfortable with the concept himself and must be a spokesperson for married life. This could be his own personal religious beliefs disturbing an objective viewpoint.

I find it a bit simplistic to state being "whole" revolves around whether your married or single. I can't believe he would even start the book off with such utte
...more
Beneth
So far, interesting. I have skipped around. He talks about how we use a love relationship to attempt to heal our childhood wounds. It's made difficult by the fact that we tend to choose people who are similar to our caregivers when we grew up- people for whom it is a challenge to offer what our caregivers did not. He says that the romantic love stage of a marriage is supposed to not last, that if couples can get past the next stages, that's a good thing. He thinks that marriage counselors who si ...more
Kathryn
I read this coupled with another relationship book about moving on from past relationships.

As I read this book, I learned a lot about myself, what I want in someone, what I didn't want in someone, and ultimately what was right for me.

This is a great book for someone who has struggled in a relationship/s, has found someone who loves them, and they are having a hard time letting go of the past, and for anyone who really is ready to find the person they are meant to be with.

There are a lot of di
...more
Pam Vandeursen
This is very sobering and inspiring reading. We were considering doing a 12 week workshop with a facilitator, but as is so often the danger in VT, not enough folks signed up. On reflection, that was ok with me b/c I wasn't sure WHY I was signing up, except that my S.O. was interested, and well, I am kind of a seeker.

Anyway, there is a ton of self reflection called for in this book, lots of exercises and the further I read the more clear picture I have, of myself! My S.O. and I are reading the b
...more
Alicia B.
May 14, 2008 Alicia B. rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone searching to understand themselves, partners, friends based on nature/nurture and childhoods
Combines pyschology, sociology, biology and gender differences to explain so much of life's behavior, development and challenges of relationships. One of the best books I've ever purchased! I highly recommend it to everyone, especially people with children - for you can learn how you pass on judgements, wounds, hurtful words that ultimately affect your child and his/her later search for happiness, as well as feeling whole and developing a unique identity.
Wendy
I absolutely loved this book. Im not a big self help fan but this book felt more like a college course in human development and its affects on our partner choices. The exercises within the book are not easy to get through, they were definitely time consuming and intensive, but really help drive the points home and were very helpful in the self discovery process. Anyone having trouble with relationships and wondering why should read this.
Keshia
This book was suggested to me by a psychotherapist and was definitely a good read. Hendrix explores how we choose partners based on repressed childhood needs. It is a great read for singles and couples alike but preferably in downtime, between relationships. There are some nifty charts, exercises, and questionaires that will assist you on your path of introspection and bringing you closer to finding and recognizing a good partner.
Ann Brooks
This is probably the only book in the self help section I would ever recommend. If you like journaling and the power of writing to draw out previously unclear or unknown pieces and parts of your inner self, you will love this book. If you really want to know about your truest self, and how you respond in intimate relationship base on who you are, get this book.
Sharla
Some good information, a bit heavy on the psych stuff at times, and a godawful horrid cover design. I really enjoyed reading about the stages of development, the minimizer/maximizer behaviors, and real examples of couples. I got a bit bored at times reading through a lot of the detailed psych stuff though.
Maureen
This book does what it says. If you read it with an open mind, do the exercises, and let go of the psst, you are truly able to Keep the Love You Find (which means you stop looking for Mr. Wrong and stop throwing away Mr. Right).
Rae
A well-written and enlightening book which approaches mate selection from a psychological, and quite scholarly, point of view. A set of intensely revealing exercises are part of the text. I really benefited from this non-faddish book.
Kimber
I reccomend this book to everyone--but especially single readers. . It's a good self-discovery book and it talks about finding and developing healthy relationships.
Rachel
Oct 25, 2007 Rachel rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: divorcee's or people who are single
Great book!
(Me and my mom are reading together) It really gives you a good understanding on love. After I get done reading this book I will read his others.
Nathan
I am reading it for class but I think my future wife will be happy that I have read this book.
Sue
Self-help. Only read 1/2. Not that good.
Kathy
Jan 03, 2013 Kathy added it
non-fiction; we are all attracted to our imago.
Russell
Maybe I can do better this time.
Julie
Julie marked it as to-read
Dec 18, 2014
Brittany Clark
Brittany Clark marked it as to-read
Dec 15, 2014
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Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., is the author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, a New York Times bestseller that has sold more than two million copies. He has more than thirty years’ experience as an educator and therapist. He specializes in working with couples in private practice, teaching marital therapy to therapists, and conducting couples workshops across the country. Dr. Hendrix i ...more
More about Harville Hendrix...
Getting the Love You Want : A Guide for Couples Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved Making Marriage Simple: Ten Truths for Changing the Relationship You Have into the One You Want Giving The Love That Heals Getting the Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples' Study Guide

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