The Gastronomy of Marriage: A Memoir of Food and Love

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The Gastronomy of Marriage: A Memoir of Food and Love

3.38 of 5 stars 3.38 · rating details · 340 ratings · 78 reviews

“On our first date, Rich ordered a chocolate soufflé at the beginning of the meal, noting an asterisk on the menu warning diners of the wait involved. At the time, I imagined he did it partly to impress me, which it did, though today I know well that he’s simply the type of man who knows better than to turn down a hot-from-the-oven soufflé when one is offered to him.”

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Paperback, 256 pages

Published September 8th 2009 by Random House Trade Paperbacks

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Dec 08, 2009 skein rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 3-star, non-fiction

New York City freelance author Michelle expounds on her wedding plans, wedding fears, wedding exercise regime, & wedding clothes. What part of this preparation is her own (modern woman! no red meat!) and what is baggage from the past (Italian grandparents, her parent's divorce)?

And more importantly - what the hell are they going to eat for dinner? It cannot be too expensive (hello, they're saving for a wedding) and cannot be planned in advance - Michelle cringes - that would not take advant...more

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Jul 22, 2012 Stephanie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: mainstream

3.5 stars

This review originally appeared at www.readinasinglesitting.com.

Just yesterday my husband were in the suburb of Flemington, where I was living when we first started dating. We wandered down Racecourse Road, noting the various cafes and nooks we’d eaten at and our memories of those moments: vinegar-drenched fish in the tiny park behind the public library; spiced baked eggs in a cafe regularly shaken by the trains running past Newmarket station; the oily scents of the hidden local laksa j...more 3.5 stars

This review originally appeared at www.readinasinglesitting.com.

Just yesterday my husband were in the suburb of Flemington, where I was living when we first started dating. We wandered down Racecourse Road, noting the various cafes and nooks we’d eaten at and our memories of those moments: vinegar-drenched fish in the tiny park behind the public library; spiced baked eggs in a cafe regularly shaken by the trains running past Newmarket station; the oily scents of the hidden local laksa joint; the muddled meats and curries of the starkly appointed local Sudanese cafe; the shiny potato noodles that swooned off a fork at my favourite Kensington cafe.

As our relationship progressed, we moved beyond cafes and restaurants to cooking together–cocoa-smothered truffles that stickied our fingers and huffed a fine chocolate dust around my kitchen; mounds of garden-scented tabouleh; the earthy cross-sections of root vegetable lasagnes. After that we turned our attentions to Footscray market and its endlessly surprising produce. We cracked open spiny durians in search of their musky custard innards, peeled the gritty eyeballs of longan, hacked at the scaly flesh of dragonfruit, gritted our teeth at the prices of mangosteens.

When I picked up Michelle Maisto’s The Gastronomy of Marriage, I found myself and my husband in its pages. Michelle, like me, comes from an Italian background, and is pescetarian, as I was at the time I met my husband; her husband Rich, like mine, is Chinese. Food is a part of our cultural identities, and as it is for Maisto and her partner, it’s been a source of discovery and understanding for both of us.

Maisto’s memoir is written with endless epicurean flourishes in a style so rich you can almost taste it on your tongue; her prose revels in the sensuousness of food and the rituals surrounding it. This slim volume is an examination of how intrinsically food itself, as well as the ceremony surrounding the preparation and serving of food, is linked to culture and identity, and how traditions regarding food are passed down through families in so many ways–food as celebration; food as medication; food as love. Her discussions with Rich over congee versus pastina as the perfect food for convalescence make me think of the many times my mother-in-law has arrived with a giant container of chicken broth and bags of various dried herbs–not to mention the time she forced my husband to choke down a plate of chicken tendons in order to help heal his recently snapped achilles. The giving of care packages is reminiscent of those from my own family: nary an occasion passes without my arriving home with preserved olives, home-made pepper sauces or an unfathomable panettone, something I loathe and invariably cast off to some other unsuspecting soul.

There’s also the creation of new traditions, with Maisto and Rich puzzling out variations on the Italian-Chinese tradition, fusing salads with noodly mains, incorporating shrimp paste into hearty slow-cooked meals, and re-imagining those beloved family desserts. My husband and I have done the same, mixing and melding flavours and styles, and forging our own gastronomic path, giving our loved ones home-made jams and spiced shortbread at Christmas or Chinese New Year, sending foodie treats along with our ang pao. Perhaps the most notable of these efforts was our wedding, where rather than having a formal sit-down affair, we had our relatives and friends back their favourite desserts for us, in doing so, we hoped, encouraging a sense of sharedness between our two families and cultures.

Still, for all the importance of food ideology in a relationship and its resulting domestic negotiations–who cooks? how many dishes should be used? where should things be stored?–towards the end of this memoir I did find myself becoming a little burnt out, if you’ll pardon the pun, on the incessant melding of food and love, and began to long for some sort of off-topic amuse bouche to distract my palate between the heady mains of each chapter. By the last fifty pages, I did wonder whether this book might have worked better as a series of essays, or perhaps as something dipped in and out of, like a ten course tasting menu, rather than devoured all at once, hawker-style. Still, this is a beautifully written volume whose sweet aftertaste lingers, and I’d recommend it to lovers of food as well as lovers still working out the menu of their relationship.(less)

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Apr 16, 2010 Maija rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010

I have to admit - I first chose to read this book before I loved the cover - 2 yellow crookneck squash entwined on a blue background, very striking (I actually spotted the book in a photo of a bookstore on a blog).

This wasn't a perfect book, but I think it's because the author was pretty real & honest throughout. At times almost too honest - ouch, she shared how she wrote an email to break up with her boyfriend, went to church & had 2nd thoughts - not sure I'd want to share that, but pe...more I have to admit - I first chose to read this book before I loved the cover - 2 yellow crookneck squash entwined on a blue background, very striking (I actually spotted the book in a photo of a bookstore on a blog).

This wasn't a perfect book, but I think it's because the author was pretty real & honest throughout. At times almost too honest - ouch, she shared how she wrote an email to break up with her boyfriend, went to church & had 2nd thoughts - not sure I'd want to share that, but perhaps I'm not the memoir-writing type. It seems like she was struggling to still figure out her own values, beyond her family's values, and even at the end, I'm not sure she got there.

She's writing in the months before her wedding, focusing on her life living with her fiance & adapting to each other. She has a lot of issues with marriage (don't we all?), and she is struggling with some of the basic differences between her and fiance - religious views, cultural backgrounds (she's Italian/Amer; he's Chinese/Amer), and food preferences (he's a meat eater; she's veggie). I also enjoyed her chapter about dinner parties & the sometimes unrealistic meals we plan for others. Good simple recipes at the ends of chapters - I plan to copy down a few before returning my library book.

As we've probably all found in relationships - negotiating dinner time can be difficult. I found myself thinking how lucky I am that a)my boyfriend lets me do most of the cooking/meal planning, and b)we enjoy eating almost the same things - or at least a vegetarian/seafood diet. I sometimes wish my fellow was more into cooking or discussing the merits of fresh asparagus, but at the same time, I would be frustrated by the author's relationship in which her fiancee would often veto her dinner ideas. My fellow does think some of my ideas are a little odd (sardines on toast), but he generally goes along with things & isn't too picky.

Some reviewers noted that they were disappointed that the book ends before the wedding - perhaps because I read this prior, I was okay with it, but it seemed a less important part of the story. This book was really focused on how do you merge two people's lives, especially if they did have fairly different upbringings? How do you deal with the most basic daily routines, such as what's for dinner? (less)

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Jan 20, 2010 Linda rated it 3 of 5 stars

"On our first date, Rich ordered a chocolate soufflé at the beginning of the meal, noting an asterisk on the menu warning diners of the wait involved. At the time, I imagined he did it partly to impress me, which it did, though today I know well that he’s simply the type of man who knows better than to turn down a hot-from-the-oven soufflé when one is offered to him.”
— The Gastronomy of Marriage

If Michelle Maisto was quite taken with her date's behavior as described above, I was equally smitten...more "On our first date, Rich ordered a chocolate soufflé at the beginning of the meal, noting an asterisk on the menu warning diners of the wait involved. At the time, I imagined he did it partly to impress me, which it did, though today I know well that he’s simply the type of man who knows better than to turn down a hot-from-the-oven soufflé when one is offered to him.”
— The Gastronomy of Marriage

If Michelle Maisto was quite taken with her date's behavior as described above, I was equally smitten with her book, "The Gastronomy of Marriage: A Memoir of Food and Love," a Christmas gift from one of my sisters. Though it's a quick read, Maisto takes a serious look at relationship issues — control, communication, finances, religion, hopes and dreams — through the prism of food. She's from a big, gregarious Italian family and her fiance is the only son of Chinese parents; therein lies the tale.

Both Maisto and her fiance, Rich, are writers; she's a grad student with huge loans and a subsistence job, while Rich is a successful freelancer. He offers to take on more paying jobs to help them cover the cost of their wedding, while Maisto will take on more of the household chores, especially meal planning, shopping and cooking.

He eats meat, she's vegetarian; she's happy with an egg or some pasta, he wants lighter and brighter meals; she likes to plan dinners in advance, he likes to decide what to eat when he's finally hungry — you can picture the problems. But are they problems, family attitudes, or traditions? When should you compromise and why?

As one-half of a couple with often demanding careers and lots of outside interests and commitments, I'm well aware of the pitfalls — and pleasures — that surround making dinner for two at home. Perhaps that's one of the reasons Maisto's story resonated so strongly with me; I've been there and done a lot of that. Maisto's book is charming, funny, thoughtful, and always rings true, whether she's philosophizing about home and how you behave there, hometown food nostalgia, the joy of tapioca or the brilliance of the late Laurie Colwin. (less)

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Dec 23, 2009 Kate rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is a story about two people who are engaged to be married and their relationship, which evolves around their love for good food. It is a mixture of recipes and stories about the couple - Michelle is Italian and Rich is Chinese and they make meals together, combining the two cooking traditions they learned from their different family backgrounds.

I'm excited to try some of the recipes in the book, like the pastina and the artichoke pie. I was amazed how the couple put together such elabo...more

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Nov 30, 2009 Felicity rated it 2 of 5 stars

The basic premise of this memoir is that the author tries to use food as a metaphor for her relationship. Every night (yes, every night) they have to decide what to eat (he's a Chinese meat-eater, she's an Italian vegetarian) for dinner. This is a process that involves learning about your partner's needs and desires, his moods, and it's a process that involves learning how to compromise. The premise is theoretically interesting, but it doesn't really work, because I can't see what the author lea...more

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Jun 04, 2011 Karen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

I loved this book. There are so many statements that I could relate to from the author in her memoir about food and her relationships, both with her future husband and with their families.
"He never wants to talk about what to eat in advance," she laments at one point when trying to decide what to do about dinner (pg 101). She is Italian (not to mention a vegetarian) and he is Chinese and she finds it difficult to wing dinner when combining these two so very different culinary traditions further...more

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Jan 16, 2013 Erin rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

I really enjoyed this book at the start. There are great recipes that I wanted to jump up and try right away. I actually did run to the fridge to see if I had the ingredients for a soup she makes early on and ended up adding to my grocery list. (I did make the soup later and it was great!) The many lists of ingredients and grocery lists throughout didn't even bother me because I wanted to know what would come of them. What I really liked is how she sometimes worked the recipes into the text, add...more I really enjoyed this book at the start. There are great recipes that I wanted to jump up and try right away. I actually did run to the fridge to see if I had the ingredients for a soup she makes early on and ended up adding to my grocery list. (I did make the soup later and it was great!) The many lists of ingredients and grocery lists throughout didn't even bother me because I wanted to know what would come of them. What I really liked is how she sometimes worked the recipes into the text, adding anecdotes as she went, making the cooking experience very real. I liked the actual recipes inserted at the ends of chapters and the way she gave the instructions in a casual, conversational style. A lot of the focus on food ended up getting turned to the wedding plans, which went in a direction that was not as interesting, in my opinion. The premise of the story is that the author has taken on all the cooking responsibilities while her husband-to-be took on more writing work in order to pay for their wedding. She grouses about how this is not what she wants her marriage to be, with her taking on the more "traditional" role of being in the kitchen. The problem is, she clearly loves to cook, so to the reader it doesn't seem that the guy gets a fair shake in the deal--and he seems to do a tremendous amount of cooking too! As well, there is a bit of complaining on her part that doesn't seem fair. It is interesting that this book can pass as a memoir when the author is only in her twenties, and her young age begins to show itself in glaring ways as the book progresses. She makes very wise observations and tells lovely stories about her childhood that kept me reading, but the constant need to mention her trips to the gym and her stress about the wedding made it clear that she is young. The food part gets lost, too, as all this is happening, and the meals became as boring as sandwiches and salads. At one point she mentions how embarrassed she is now in thinking about something she did when she was 20. I think that when she is 40, she will look back at this book and be a little embarrassed that she titled her book with the word "Marriage" and called it a "memoir." Though I did enjoy the book--she is a good writer with a keen ability to make the mundane seem romantic (sometimes overdoing it, though)--I would have preferred if she wrote about their first year of marriage rather than the year before (actually ending a few weeks before the wedding even happens). How would their first year look when they go back to sharing the kitchen duties? Hmm...(less)

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Feb 11, 2011 Melanie Faith rated it 4 of 5 stars

This creative nonfiction memoir interweaves several of my favorite themes: melding of cuisines, family, career, friends and love (and why we choose the people we do to populate our lives). Anyone interested in the tale of a Gen Xer writer planning a wedding and both questioning and enjoying the exploration of gender roles in the kitchen and in her personal life, will enjoy this tale of Michelle and her fellow writer fiance, Rich. While I'm not a great cook by any means, I especially enjoyed her...more

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Mar 29, 2010 Roxanne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, reference, food

In this memoir, Michelle Maisto describes the months leading up to her wedding, and how she made a bargain with her husband-to-be: he'd take on extra freelance jobs to pay for the wedding costs, and to give him more time to work, she'd take over the cooking. As she cooks meals, Maisto remembers her childhood, how she learned about cooking in the first place from her mother, and she struggles with the idea of being a stereotypical housewife. Recipes for the things she cooks appear throughout (whi...more

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Jan 02, 2010 Ashley rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book was sensational. Here writing is brilliant, her recipes are fantastic, every page is filled with laughter and one can almost smell the garlic and olive oil. I also love how translatable this text is. I feel like everyone can relate to Michelle's situation- either through her large, Italian family or Rich's small, reserved family. I also love how all of her relationships revolve around food and fellowship. My favourite is when she tells her father that she had pasta fagioli with Rich, i...more

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Nov 23, 2009 Kate rated it 4 of 5 stars

a sweet surprise given that i ordered it after its appearance on the Book Design Review (a book cover critiques blog almost divorced from any mention of book content). it turned out to be a light, charming, unique account of a late 20-something woman's obsession with food & cooking, intertwined with thoughts on the nature of relationships, set in detail in new york city. williamsburg-dwelling, greenmarket-attending girlfriends, you will think at times that she wrote it just for you. (i did.)...more

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Nov 12, 2010 Renee Beck rated it 3 of 5 stars

Another honeymoon read, The Gastronomy of Marriage is a memoir of the days leading up to a couple's marriage and the food that binds then. Michelle and Rich live in NYC and the book makes you want to live there, too. Michelle's tales of bodegas and farmers' markets and fresh produce and cheese make you wish you could walk out the door to all of those things, but the story itself doesn't do much more than make you hungry.

Michelle and Rich have many differences but come together over an extreme l...more

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May 12, 2010 Chris Hall rated it 4 of 5 stars

Great book with a witty and fun style.

It's an interesting look at the fusion of two cultures and two lives as the author and her fiancée move in together and plan their marriage. She focuses on how their relationship changes how she thinks about food and cooking. Along the way she supplies the reader with some great recipes as well (the Stuffed Eggplant is yummilicious!). If you like food and are interested in cooking then this is book is for you. Of course, even if you aren't I think a lot cou...more

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Sep 28, 2010 Catherine rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Every family has its own unique culture, full of eccentrics, oddballs, and longstanding traditions. Maisto tells her personal story of trying to create her own family rituals with her fiancé, Rich. Maisto is from an Italian family and Rich grew up in a Chinese family. The melding of their cuisine preferences is featured in the book along with several recipes. But Maisto’s memoir was really more, for me, about the alchemy of Michelle and Rich’s relationship.

I would highly recommend this book for...more

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Dec 27, 2009 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars

Cannot tell you how much I loved this book - I devoured it (pun intended). Such a fun, sweet, incredible tale of love, marriage and food.

Hard to tell if this book rang so true because I am also a recently married, former New Yorker who cooks like crazy with her husband, but this book did remind me that my little life is not all that unique (not the most shocking revelation, but it's still uncanny to turn so many pages and be reminded that your story is being lived out in how many other countles...more

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May 22, 2010 Amanda Snow rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was completely enchanted by Michelle Maisto's writing and her beautiful honesty when it came to food and love. I found myself constantly comparing my husband and I to she and Rich...we're so alike! Our husbands are both the picky ones in the relationship, we're the planners of the meals (if our husbands let us plan), and we feel this need to be great wives without compromising a bit of ourselves.

I must admit, I was more than a bit impressed with Maisto's knowledge of food and cooking, though s...more

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Dec 23, 2009 Danika rated it 3 of 5 stars

On the fence about giving this book 3 stars (almost gave it 2). There were some things I really enjoyed about it, but I found it a bit disjointed (didn't flow very well) and repetitive. Basic premise: it's a memoir that covers several months of the author's life after she becomes engaged and moves in with her fiance. They are both foodies to some degree and it details their compromises in the kitchen and so on. She's Italian-American, he's Chinese-American. He eats meat, she doesn't. Definitely...more

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Jun 16, 2010 Sara rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiography, cooking, love, non-fiction, 2010, drastic-measures-volume-1, library-book, cannot-live-without

This was a great book that I absorbed in less than 24 hours. It was written well and had a heartwarming feel to it. One thing that I really loved was that this book included some of the recipes that the author wrote about...they look delicious.

The author, Michelle Maisto, had just gotten engaged and was coming to terms wih her future. I loved that she really opened up and asked tough questions about her life; I felt her vulnerablity and strength at the same time. This is a book that I want to ad...more

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Nov 01, 2010 Kat Kiddles rated it 3 of 5 stars

I think it was the zucchinis that first caught my eye – blushing oh so brightly as they cuddle up to each other. The word ‘memoir’ inspired me to read the back cover. Then there were the factors that encouraged me to pull some pennies out of my pockets: it’s about marriage, it’s about food, and it’s based in New York. Translation: I’ll get to relate to someone about married life, maybe pick up a few cooking tips, and live vicariously through the characters’ urban adventures (yes, I feel sorry fo...more

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Oct 09, 2009 J.bean rated it 5 of 5 stars

Honest, bold and endearing, Gastronomy captures a whirlwind of emotion, self introspection, relationship and career evolvement, and the infamous dinner selection - all set to the vibrant pace of New York City life. Passion and humor pour from every page: passion for her future husband, food, family & friends, and creative expression, culminating into a truly unique and independent voice.

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Nov 05, 2009 Suzy rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book was incredibly relevant to my current situation (living with my fiance in the outer boroughs), though Maisto is a cook and I am not. I found myself distracted my own weird animosity towards the author's fiance, so I couldn't enjoy this as much as I would have liked. Also, I don't feel that the author delved into the idea of domesticity as deeply as I thought she would.

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Aug 27, 2010 Barbara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: foodies, culinary-memoir

I absolutely adore this book. I devoured it (pun intended) and wished I could scrape the bowl for more. It's a cup of introspection, two cups of mementos and memories, a dash of hopefulness, and a sprinkling of recipes. Exactly what I crave in written pages. I want to read volume two--I want to read about the wedding, the Southern food, and kids running around the kitchen.

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Dec 26, 2009 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars

Such a lovely and thought-provoking book. The author weaves thoughts from writers, poets, her mom, her soon-to-be-husband's mom, etc. throughout the book and gives you a real sense of what's going on in her head. I was surprised to find we shared so many of the same ideas about, and fears about, marriage and what it means to your identity. I might even try a few of the recipes scattered throughout as well. Overall a really good book, a quick read, funny, and enjoyable.

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Jan 26, 2010 Jessica rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: foodies

Shelves: cooking-food

The Gastronomy of Marriage follows Michelle and her fiance Rich as they move in together and plan their wedding. Growing up in an Italian household food was a big part of Michelle's life and it continues to be as she begins sharing her life with Rich. During their engagement Michelle begins to focus on how different she and Rich's tastes are in food and how this might play out in their marriage. My only complaint would be that she spent so much time going over the wedding planning, but the book...more

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Jan 27, 2010 Ali rated it 3 of 5 stars

Anyone in a relationship will appreciate and relate to the struggles and arguments that arise over dinner.
"What should we eat? Where should we go? You decide. I don't care, you pick." all come out of my mouth at least once a week. It takes reading another couple's compromise to realize that it does not ultimately matter, and to find that it is possible for two people to make food work for their relationship.
Mouthwatering descriptions within the memoir's text are accompanied by a couple of easy...more

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Jan 01, 2010 Florence rated it 3 of 5 stars

Entertaining memoir about the tense, uncertain year before the marriage of two young New Yorkers. They are getting used to the exotic ethnic mix of their relationship, Italian and Chinese, and how it relates to food. I tried a quck recipe for zucchini quiche made with Bisquick which was quite good, though it called for an obscene amount of olive oil.

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Jan 04, 2010 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really related to this book and the challenges the author faced navigating and combining two very different food traditions. I really enjoyed the writing, as well. A must-read for food lovers, particularly those who are navigating the first years of living with (and cooking for/with) another person.

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Jan 31, 2013 Stephanie Dinnen-Reini rated it 1 of 5 stars

Saying I read this book seems a stretch. I sincerely attempted it, as the premise sounded promising and the cover is lovely. But...try as I did, I could only make it half-way and even getting that far was due to nothing else but the stubborness of not wanting to quit. It reminds me of a new blog, the content is right but the writing is pretty amateur.

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Mar 31, 2012 Jessica rated it 3 of 5 stars

Relevant to my life right now so I did enjoy it, but I agree with Kris' review. She didn't resolve any issues or tell us how her wedding went, which she was planning throughout the book! I was however, left feeling even more grateful for my unfussy husband who is so helpful in the kitchen.

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