Zero at the Bone (Zero at the Bone #1)

"I'm not going anywhere with you."
"D'you have a fuckin' death wish?" HAL hissed at him. "Those fuckers are gonna come after me fer not killin' you, and they're gonna come after you fer not bein' dead yet, and no one can protect you from them! No one, ya hear? Not the Marshals, not the police, not the goddamned Neighborhood Watch! Yer only shot is ta stick with me!"

"I'm sorry," Francisco snapped. "I've just never met a professional killer before, and I'm having a little trouble with the degrees of morality here." He sat back in his seat, exhaling. "I guess I shouldn't judge. Your rules saved my life, didn't they?"
"Reckon so."
A few tense minutes passed until Francisco sighed and his shoulders sagged. "I'm…"
"Don't worry about it," D said, cutting him off. "Yer right. I am bad folks."
Francisco said nothing for a few beats. "I don't think you're bad," he murmured.

"Look, it must be real nice and comfy on top a that high horse," D said, suddenly snarling, "but you ain't lived in my world and it's jus' fine fer you ta judge when you don't gotta make them kinda choices."

"Holy shit," Jack said. "Are we taking over a small country?"
D snorted. "Gotta be prepared." He looked up at Jack's face, frowning. "What?"
Jack shrugged. "It's just…" He sighed. "I'm starting to see words like 'accessory' and 'accomplice' floating around my head."
D barely reacted. "How about 'dead on arrival'? Ya like that better?"
Jack nodded, pressing his lips together. "Get more ammo. Ammo is good."

"Ooh, she said, and pulled out her own binoculars.
D looked at her. "Hey!"
"What? You'd deny a hardworking girl a little eye candy?"
"This ain't Halloween."
"What's that mean?"
"Means I ain't sharin' my candy. Gimme them glasses."

"(…)Let me give you another shot--"
"Another one? My ass ain't no pincushion."
"For prophylaxis."
"Prophyl-whatsis? Ain't that a condom? What the hell you plannin', doc?"
Jack chuckled. "Prophylaxis is any preventative measure, like flossing to prevent gum disease. Condoms are sometimes called 'prophylactics" because they're a preventive measure against insemination.(…)"

Jack shifted a little closer on the couch and spoke softly. "You thought if you could keep the dark away from me, that maybe some of it would leave you too."
D turned to look at him, and Jack saw something naked and exposed in his expression, set free by the (view spoiler)[narcotics. (hide spoiler)] That stoniness was gone, and Jack could see the child D had once been, and the (view spoiler)[father, and the husband. The young soldier, the hopeful family man, (hide spoiler)] and it damned near broke his heart to see that man buried so deeply within the man D was now, a man he clearly detested but could not escape. His eyes were wide and shining. "I cain't remember what things look like without it," he said, his voice hoarse and shaky.

He just persisted, touching D where he'd like to be touched, caressing the tension from his muscles, urging him on with his hands, trying to tell him with his body it's okay, it's okay to want me, it's okay to feel it, it's safe to show it.

D was pouring himself into Jack's arms, his body, and the deluge was fierce; Jack clung to him like a barnacle, holding him fast in his arms. I've got you. I've got you. I've got you. The thought ran over and over in his mind as D heaved great swoops of breath past Jack's ear, swoops that had sobs caught at their dregs, as if he'd found something old and unexpressed at the very tidal bottom of his lungs now dragged into the open air by the exertion.
I'm not letting go of you.

D's features tugged inward, like he'd just remembered something. Jack didn't move. D blinked a few times, and then slowly leaned closer, lowering his face toward the crook of Jack's shoulder. Brow furrowed, he inhaled. Jack saw his eyes flutter closed and his features smooth out as if he were falling asleep right where he stood, falling into a daydream or a memory.
"Oh," he sighed, long and weary, the sight of sinking into a favorite chair after long hours of standing. "Ya smell like sun," he murmured. D's voice was raw, like a man under hypnosis. "Ya know that smell? That toasty-skin smell, like ya get after goin' ta the beach?" He nodded a little. "I love that smell."

"Jack, I…I dunno how--"
"It's okay. Take your time."
"I gotta tell ya…" He trailed off again.
"I know."
"Don't…don't let go a me." This last was so quiet as to almost be inaudible.
"I won't. Not ever."

"You're not the last man on Earth. Not now."
D stared at him, his eyes misting over. Two tears spilled over his lids and slid down his cheek. Jack wiped them away with his thumbs and leaned forward until their foreheads were pressed together. He could hear D's ragged breathing; he felt another solitary tear drip onto his leg. How long had it been since this man had allowed himself an emotional release? How far could he really expect him to come back in one night?

Jus hold me a little longer, Jack. Tell me again that ya wanna be with me, fer real, cross yer heart 'n' let me know you ain't foolin' cause I dunno how or when it happen but somehow I come ta need ya like air, like blood. Touch me again like ya do with them gentle hands make me feel like somethin' precious. Say it again that ya love me, cause hearin' that was like openin' up some big bottomless well that ran dry years back and it cain't never hear it enough, but once more, one more time and maybe I'll believe it a little more, and then a little more the next time, till someday I believe it fer true enough ta be able to say it back ta you like y'oughta hear it said cause God knows I love you more'n my own life, more'n anythin' in this world, but it cain't get outta me yet cause I still ain't the man I need ta be, the man who's gonna stand before you and declare.

But never met this Fellow
Attended or alone
Without a tighter Breathing
And zero at the bone.
—Emily Dickinson

D got up and paced. It was pointless, but at le

But never met this Fellow
Attended or alone
Without a tighter Breathing
And zero at the bone.
—Emily Dickinson

D got up and paced. It was pointless, but at least
it made him feel like he wasn’tlosing it completely. Had been a time, though it seemed like a mirage now, that nothing affected him. He was goddamned bedrock, and everything rolled right off without leaving any trace. But Jack Francisco was like a million years of rain, carving channels and caverns all through him, sinkholes down into the dark depths that he never thought would see the light of day again.

Jack held his gaze for several beats. I know your name, D. I don’t have to wait until you decide to tell me. I can say it right now and watch your face as you realize that I have something of yours that you didn’t let me see. Then maybe I could stop waiting for you. Maybe if I called you by your name, you would be mine, as surely as I am yours. He opened his mouth.
D spoke again, cutting him off. “Cain’t think no further ahead jus’ now, ’cause today I got you here and I cain’t think ’bout that time comin’ when I won’t.” He was shaking his head. “Nobody knows me but you, Jack,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “Weren’t nobody in here ta be known before you, and after yer gone be nobody in here again.”

He’d almost said it tonight. He’d wondered if now was the right time, and it had almost popped out. Marry me, Jack. Lemme put a ring on yer finger so the world’ll see that yer spoken for. Tell me it’ll be ’til death. Promise me. There’d be time for that. All this was still so new. But he had plans. Plans and intentions. First on the list was to protect this man who slept in his arms so trusting, so open. Nobody would ever hurt Jack, ever… and nobody would ever take Jack away from him.
Not ever.

'People are living out there. How can they? I'm in here with some kind of assassin and he has a gun with which he might shoot me at any moment, and meanwhile people are driving to the grocery store and screwing each other and cooking meals and watching f@cking Oprah!'

'Jack slowly stretched out his pinky finger until it grazed the side of D's hand..D didn't withdraw; instead his hand flinched a little closer. Emboldened Jack covered D's hand with his own: D turned his palm up and their fingers slid together, interlacing and fitting together against each other...'

'He didn't want to exchange deep and tender caresses during a long slow coupling. He wanted to get f@cked by the only man he'd ever been to bed with...Jack just wanted D to drill him through this mattress until he couldn't walk'

"Pizza's good"
Francisco sat up, frowning. "Oh, you want some?"
"I'm hungry too." D watched Francisco's bemused expression. "What?"
Francisco shrugged, shaking it off. "I don't know. It's just weird that you, you know... eat."

..."I'd bite of one side a the shell real careful-like, so non a the syrup spilled, then suck all the gooey out, then fish out the cherry with my tounge, then I'd just have the chocolate shell left and I'd nibble on it 'til it was gone."...

"What would it have been like?" Jack whispered. Lying on their sides, face to face, just staring at each other for what felt like hours, drifting off and waking again.
D sighed, tucked his hand underneath his head. "Maybe...get a house. Never had no house a my own."
"With a garden."
"Yeah, so's you could come inside smellin' like sunshine after weddin."

My impression reading this book?

It's like watch a very good action movie!!!

My impression reading this book?

It's like watch a very good action movie!!!