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How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong

4.39  ·  Rating Details ·  218 Ratings  ·  33 Reviews
Experience the Blessings of an Imperfect Marriage. We all–at one time or another–have the opportunity to act right when our spouse acts wrong. There are no perfect marriages or perfect spouses. We know that having a good marriage requires effort and hard work. Yet we often don’t know how to continue to love when we are angry, hurt, scared, or just plain irritated. Nor are ...more
Paperback, 224 pages
Published September 15th 2009 by WaterBrook (first published October 16th 2001)
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Jul 06, 2008 Stacey rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Stacey by: CCEF
Shelves: faith, marriage
CCEF has this book on their recommendation page. I got it through bookmooch and it came in the mail yesterday when I was out. William met me at the door to say that he found my birthday present for him and is so thankful I know what he's going through. Ha. We could probably both grow from it.

We are currently reading/processing it together.
Confession 1: I hid this book every time we had company, and took it off my 'currently reading' so it wasn't glaring on my facebook page. The title is rathe
Dec 16, 2011 Beth rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this book on behalf of a family member who is going through a very difficult situation in his marriage, hoping to find some sound advice to share with him. It was excellent, and I'll definitely be recommending it.

If you're familiar with the book, _Sacred Marriage_ by Gary Thomas, this book is very similar (but goes into more depth regarding marriages in crisis).

The advice is sound and biblical. Like Thomas (whom she often quotes), Vernick emphasizes that marriage is an opportunity to pu
Sep 17, 2008 Jessi rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is so amazing. I am so excited to train myself to use these suggestions. I want to formally recommend this book to everyone who is married, even if you are still happy at this moment in time. I also want to recommend this book to everyone who has ever had a close friendship or any type of relationship with anyone at anytime.

What did I learn from this book? Hmm. I went into reading this with the intention of changing my husband, I left it wanting to change myself. It's hard to realize y
Mar 02, 2017 Rachel rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

This book was a game changer. Sought after it as a life raft to glean God's direction in a tough situation and found God given tools to change my outlook, direction and relationships. Written for marriages, but can be applied to any relationship we have in our lives...have already started reading it again.
Jun 20, 2017 John rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Great advice and well written

Just what I needed. My responses are so often so sinful. I will pray that the Lord will transform my heart and mind to improve in this area.
Judy Constance
Mar 12, 2017 Judy Constance rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Excellent book - very thoroughly presented with much wisdom.
Paul Dare
Feb 02, 2017 Paul Dare rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Another great book coming out of the movement that Gary Thomas started with his book Sacred Marriage. What if a happy marriage wasn't actually the end goal and instead God had something much more powerful and ultimate in mind when it came to matrimony? Holiness over happiness is the Kingdom way. It's the same in all of our other relationships too. God doesn't guarantee happy trails but He does guarantee holiness through trials. Pain, CS Lewis said, was "...God's megaphone..." that we can't ignor ...more
Stephen Escalera
When my wife and I were married, two imperfect individuals promised to love each other perfectly - "for better, for worse." Like many other couples, we naively entered this new chapter of our lives with unrealistic and selfish preconceptions of how life would be like from that point on. And like many other couples, we have over time discovered the imperfectness of our union, each other, and, most of all, ourselves. We are in constant need of being reminded what the goal of our marriage should be ...more
In How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong, Leslie Vernick brings out some very practical information for couples. Some may see this as a book that they've already heard about but I found several things that really stood out to me. The main focus of this book is that if your spouse is acting wrong, maybe you should look at YOURSELF. I was a little taken back at first. If my spouse has a problem, why is it MY fault? That's not what the author is saying. Instead, what is said is what could yo ...more

With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, we need all of the marriage help we can get! Here is an economical way to get insight from Leslie Vernick who has over twenty-five years of counseling experience. This book addresses the most common “hot spots” in marriages such as how we react, how our spouse’s wrongs can expose baggage from our past, unrealistic expectations in marriage and more. I like the fact that there are some charts and diagrams in this book, which helps visual learners make more
Leemarie J. Morales
Sep 23, 2014 Leemarie J. Morales rated it it was amazing
Great book, though confusing at times (at least for me). I struggled with paragraphs that say walking out (divorce) is not an option, yet staying thinking it's the right thing to do isn't an option...then coming to the conclusion that there's actually a THIRD option that somehow comes out of these two mentioned... So I just accepted the apparent fact that I'm just not ready to understand the complexity of the task!

**I just took a comical approach to my struggle, and DO NOT mean to offend anyone
Sep 28, 2009 Joel rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Vernick counsels spouses in the worst of situations, and she has much to offer because of her experience and her wisdom. She gave a lecture on Domestic Abuse to my class, which was one of the more memorable moments in the academic year. This book asks the question: How does one spouse do the right thing when the other spouse gives them absolutely no reason to do anything right? She answers the question thoughtfully, carefully, and without resorting to victim-language. She is able to offer real h ...more
Betsy Garufi
May 05, 2014 Betsy Garufi rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Leslie Vernick writes in a very honest engaging way. I never felt "wrong"; but she points out how one can play a part in making or breaking a marriage. An inspiring book that helps me make better choices in how I respond that also encouraged me to speak up in a compassionate, non-judgemental way to make my relationship better.
Karla Owen foisy
Bought this with his that it could give insight into the many difficult marriages I work with in my counseling practice. Very clear reminder of our responsibility to act like Christ despite our circumstances, but also a clear reminder of healthy boundaries in any relationship.
Apryl Anderson
Sep 27, 2016 Apryl Anderson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
How I wish I'd read this years ago! For so long, I struggled so hard to be the good christian wife, believing that if I were more godly then how could my husband resist me? Well, as you've probably surmised, there's more to it than that. Thanks, Ms. Vernick, for writing so frankly and faithfully!
Nov 21, 2009 Tracy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I had to read this for a counseling class I am taking. I really thought the content was good and biblical. Helps a woman or man to walk through a rough patch in their marriage or to bear up wisely in a difficult marriage.
Apr 28, 2010 Sienna rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book teaches you not only how to act right when your spouse acts wrong, but how to recognize the times when your spouse does the same for you! I first heard Vernick at the Hearts at Home conference and I had to buy this book.
Tesha  Fritz
Jan 24, 2015 Tesha Fritz rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Great book for being a better spouse instead of telling your spouse how to be better. Leslie is a Christian counselor who gives biblical and practical advice and lots of stories. It is really a good read.
Chrystall Jenkins
Great read! The advice applies to marriages, even if you don't consider your issues as big or unbearable, and pretty much any relationship. You don't have to live your life reacting based on hurt feelings. Sometimes it's difficult but it's so worth it.
Oct 09, 2015 Tamela rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Wonderful books for couples. This book helped me to realize that my ultimate responsibility is to display behavior that is pleasing to God. Therefore, I must treat my Spouse right regardless of his behavior. Loved it! Would highly recommend, helped me through some difficult times.
Feb 26, 2011 Eric rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
A rejected, earlier title of this book may have been, "How to be a Good, White, Evangelical Christian living in the 'Burbs."
Mar 29, 2012 Englandjennifer rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Such a great book. Full of excellent examples and advice.
Sep 03, 2014 Miranda rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I definitely recommend reading this before any marital strife occurs as I have. It definitely keeps you mindful of the small things and keep focused on the right things.
Feb 23, 2013 Colleen marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: relating-well
I heard about this book today on a Focus on the Family broadcast. I was challenged by the biblical principals she presented. I look forward to reading this book, along with Sacred Marriage.
Tessa Tuttle
Nov 15, 2013 Tessa Tuttle rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Really enjoyed this. The title makes it seem more 'aggressive' than it is. Full of practical & humbling advice. God grew & challenged me as I read.
It's staying next to my bed to refer back to.
Very good. Highly recommend it...
Feb 01, 2008 3KEAS rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

I have read most of the book through twice. I have many thoughts to add when it is not so late. I would recommend this for other relationships as well. (in addition to marital)
Margaret Ann
Sep 25, 2007 Margaret Ann rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I highly recommend this book. It's not a comment on how my husband's acting but rather on how I choose to act to bring life and health to our relationship. A helpful read.
Jenn Cherry
Feb 01, 2011 Jenn Cherry rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A good read - the info could be applied to ANYONE who is acting wrong...not just a spouse - good stuff to consider and think on.
Feb 26, 2007 Diane rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Married people (duh)
This book has lots of great tips for changing yourself in order to make positive change happen in your marriage.
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“My name is Pride. I am a cheater. I cheat you of your God-given destiny … because you demand your own way. I cheat you of contentment … because you “deserve better than this.” I cheat you of knowledge … because you already know it all. I cheat you of healing … because you’re too full of me to forgive. I cheat you of holiness … because you refuse to admit when you’re wrong. I cheat you of vision … because you’d rather look in the mirror than out a window. I cheat you of genuine friendship … because nobody’s going to know the real you. I cheat you of love … because real romance demands sacrifice. I cheat you of greatness in heaven … because you refuse to wash another’s feet on earth. I cheat you of God’s glory … because I convince you to seek your own. My name is Pride. I am a cheater. You like me because you think I’m always looking out for you. Untrue. I’m looking to make a fool of you. God has so much for you, I admit, but don’t worry. If you stick with me You’ll never know.” 0 likes
“Many of us, like Sandra, are under the impression “that if we don’t feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it. But the wisdom of God says something different, namely, that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting.”5 Choosing to act right when you don’t feel like it isn’t hypocrisy; it’s obedience.” 0 likes
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