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Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever and What Ended Up Happening Instead
A hilarious and deeply moving account of one man’s journey from stereotype to truth.
Joel Derfner is a knitter, an aerobics instructor, a cheerleader, a go-go dancer, and a musical theater composer, but when he realizes one day that he’s a walking gay cliché he embarks on a quest for deeper meaning. A very, very funny quest for deeper meaning. And whether he’s confronting t...more
Joel Derfner is a knitter, an aerobics instructor, a cheerleader, a go-go dancer, and a musical theater composer, but when he realizes one day that he’s a walking gay cliché he embarks on a quest for deeper meaning. A very, very funny quest for deeper meaning. And whether he’s confronting t...more
Paperback, 288 pages
Published
June 16th 2009
by Broadway
(first published May 13th 2008)
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Besides the fact that Joel is one of my favorite gays (and people), this memoir is truly an occasion to be savored--complete with the after-good-book letdown and weeks-long depression. His bawdy, and extremely intelligent humor makes his essay collection downright delightful--so much so that I read the book with the jacket prominently displayed, just on top of my nose, while I rode the subway. And Nabokov and myself aside, I know no one with such a command for beautiful words that have unjustly ...more
I laughed out loud a LOT reading this collection of essays - Joel's very brave to reveal so much about himself and his somewhat seedy and very swishy journey. A lot of the things he put himself through reminded me of Michael Moore's documentary filmmaking style - like, hey, I'm writing a book about trying to be really gay, so I'll join a cheerleading squad, and I'll become a go-go dancer... As I read it, though, cracks in the humor let me see the deep sadness and depression this guy went throu...more
The title makes this book seem like something that just escaped from the "Humor" shelf but the book itself -- save the final chapter -- is a brutal but always intelligent self-examination of one gay man's life, which -- like all good autobiography -- expands the humanity of all people who read it. In many ways, it's a book I wish I had written, which is something I **rarely** say. The last chapter, though, is about trying to capture an experience versus analyzing an experience in retro...more
Let’s admit it: a part of gay life—especially of stereotypically gay culture—is so moronic that it’s inadvertently hilarious.
We can find a few easy examples. On sexual conquests: when one considers the momentary pleasure of the actual orgasm, the drive to sleep with absolutely everyone just seems stupid. On dizzy queens: we all personally know at least one wisp of a thing who can name every guest star on Facts of Life but cannot hold onto a job at the mall for more than a few days. Y...more
We can find a few easy examples. On sexual conquests: when one considers the momentary pleasure of the actual orgasm, the drive to sleep with absolutely everyone just seems stupid. On dizzy queens: we all personally know at least one wisp of a thing who can name every guest star on Facts of Life but cannot hold onto a job at the mall for more than a few days. Y...more
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If I hadn't already trapped a man I think I would totally stalk this guy! This book was sweet, sad, refreshing, hopeful and at times made me extremely uncomfortable. It is crazy to me when I read a book and I think something along the lines of, "This guy gets it. And we have so much in common, most of it not falling under the category of good! I totally want to hang out with him", but when this happens I feel connected and that makes me feel a bit more peaceful. Not a small thing.
Joel Derfner is pretty gay. In this memoir, he assembles some of his gayest vignettes so readers can judge for themselves who’s the fairy-est of them all. Some of Joel’s roles: male cheerleader, go-go boy (aka: exotic dancer), step aerobics instructor, musical theater composer and performer. He’s loved ‘em and left ‘em. He knows how to knit. He’s been to gay camp. He’s even got a bonafide gay relationship (even serial daters eventually settle down, it would seem). Joel Derfner is witty, s...more
This book is seriously hilarious. Not just because of the "Oh, I'm so gay listen to some of my gay antics" part (though that is there too, especially in the beginning few chapters of the book, about knitting and cheerleading etc.). But also because, as the book goes on more and more of his insights have, really, nothing to do with his gayness. Ultimately his book shows that even someone who is (by their own admission), a flaming stereotype.. is not JUST that. I mean, obviously. I know ...more
An enjoyable book written by a gay guy who is so honest it hurts - but in a good way. Derfner is a very likeable guy who anyone would like to have as a friend. He is especially endearing because his attempts to be liked (working as a Go-Go boy and allowing his penis to be fondled, being a professional cheerleader etc.) are very touching. The chapter on him infiltrating the Exodus conference, where gays go to try and turn straight was very illuminating and showed one thing: it is practically impo...more
Incredibly well-written, funny book! Derfner does seem rather shallow at times, but he's also aware of it, and comes from such a self-loathing backround (not specifically about sexuality) that I was able to get past that. Certainly recommended, and here's hoping he has a contract for another book in the works!
Alice
rated it
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review of another edition
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review of another edition
Recommends it for:
people with very high tolerances for cutesy wordsmithing and look-at-me whining
Sigh. I really wanted to like this book, because I am a lady who appreciates high camp, Ru Paul's Drag Race, Charles Busch films and other super gay pursuits. But this narrator was SO ANNOYING. He is super insecure, and is constantly talking about how he feels like everyone hates him, people think he's ugly, he hates anyone who he feels is smarter or cuter than him, etc. I get that social anxiety is a serious problem, but when I'm reading a book about super gay things, I do not want to read abou...more
What a fun book! Written in the style of David Sedaris, this book is equally hysterically funny, and profoundly insightful. His chapter on music composition was particularly thought-provoking. Read this!
There was so much I liked about this book. I think Joel Derfner is one of the most endearing, relatable autobiographical writers I've ever read. I loved his blend of humor, neuroticism and insecurity. He's very smart, accomplished, and witty and yet also self-deprecating, and he draws some interesting connections between seemingly seperate aspects of his life.
I chuckled LOTS while reading this, but it's not all fun and games- there's a lot of seriousness, a little self-pity, and even me...more
I chuckled LOTS while reading this, but it's not all fun and games- there's a lot of seriousness, a little self-pity, and even me...more
This book was recommended to me because LOVE David Sedaris' work. Well, Joel Derfner is no David Sedaris.
Please, don't get me wrong, there were plenty of times throughout the book I chuckled. But for the most part, I was impatient with the book. I found Joel to be whiny and needy; like he thought that by being the "gayest person ever" meant living the stereotype. I kept wanting to shout out, "Where's the real Joel?? When do we get to meet him?" We do, but in s...more
Please, don't get me wrong, there were plenty of times throughout the book I chuckled. But for the most part, I was impatient with the book. I found Joel to be whiny and needy; like he thought that by being the "gayest person ever" meant living the stereotype. I kept wanting to shout out, "Where's the real Joel?? When do we get to meet him?" We do, but in s...more
I was really surprised by this book. Derfner did a great job weaving seamingly shallow things together with much deeper views on life. He did a great job of setting up a low expectation with the self-deprecating talk in the introduction, making the reader think he was just cranking something out for egotistic reasons, but he is a much better writer than he let on.
Each chapter was an essay focussed around a theme, such as knitting, go-go dancing, and teaching aerobics. It is not a ...more
Each chapter was an essay focussed around a theme, such as knitting, go-go dancing, and teaching aerobics. It is not a ...more
I generally have a problem with people doing things specifically so they can write a book about them. It's contrived and reeks of opportunism, and it lessens the impact the activity might otherwise have. So when Joel Derfner goes undercover at an ex-gay conference because his editor suggest he do something "subversive," it irked the shit out of me.
Unfortunately for my righteous indignation, that chapter was amazing--it actually moved me. Less amazing are chapters where his...more
Unfortunately for my righteous indignation, that chapter was amazing--it actually moved me. Less amazing are chapters where his...more
This one really surprised me. I was looking for light and funny and ended up with a sweet, very introspective well thought out book.
Although the book had a completely different approach to writing than Im normally accustomed to, it was a good read overall. The main character in the book was quite self involved to the point of being over dramatic at points to a degree that initially was quite off putting. Yet, the further you read into his story and his quest to become the gayest man, the more intriguing and revealing it was of not only his character but my own. Although the book wasnt my personally taste I did enjoy reading ...more
the author of this book is funny, smart & interesting, but gets in his own way too much. i just don't like reading about other people's neuroses, especially when it has little, if nothing, to do with the book. mr. derfner reminded me a lot of several friends i've had over the years, so this book provided some insights as to why they do the baffling things they do; strangely, it allowed me to forgive them, because i understood the reasons behind their actions. what an unintended effect of what i ...more
To say that I loved this book would be a bit of an understatement. Such joy and amusement while reading. (If you ask Grant, too much joy and amusement, otherwise he wouldn't have told me to be quiet so he could sleep or concentrate on his sudoku.) Derfner has a voice and attitude rather similar to Dan Savage, and I think we all know how much I love Savage. When it comes down to it, Derfner is a good cross between Savage (wit and wisdom) and Sedaris (narrative storytelling).
And when yo...more
And when yo...more
My friend Leslie gave me this over the weekend, and I took it with me to PTown Sunday night... It's gay alright, but also really a well done biography of a person's understanding of who he is and why. He has chapters on Dating and Step Aerobics and Musical Theater and Knitting, but when he is writing about how he likes to knit, he actually gets pretty deep into his relationship with his mother. When he writes about going to adult gay camp, he gets into how it felt to be an adolescent and the...more
This book was recommended to me by a friend and I really liked it. I went into reading Swish with thought it would be a purely comical collection of essays. Instead, what I discovered is that Joel Derfner has written a thoughtful book in which I could indentify with. While there were plenty of times I laughed out loud reading Swish, there were times when I found myself relating to Joel and the way he experienced life. I am looking forward to reading more from him in the future.
Funny, touching, insightful, goofy, subversive... lots of things going on here, more than one might guess from the title (which ought to be ...Gayest Man ever but that's quibbling). Derfner has a lot of emotional baggage, which he seems quite comfortable opening up and unpacking for his readers. Meanwhile he's often witty, with an episodic style that I found much more effective than it often is in contemporary novels or memoirs. I loved reading about his attempts at being a cheerleader and a go ...more
Derfner has a very strong writing voice, and is extremely witty and unapologetic about being an intellectual (albeit one who is a qualified step-aerobics instructor); all of these facts are to be commended. The first chapters of the book did occasionally rely a bit too much on using the phrase "no one loves me" or some such variation. Additionally, there are sections taken directly from his blog, but hey, we live in a greener age (supposedly) so literary recycling can't be all that b...more
Cameron
rated it
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review of another edition
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review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Those delighted by Sedaris
Shelves:
queer
Though I knew I would have to bow to Joel Derfner's assertion that he himself is the gayest person ever, and that I could not claim that title for myself or risk being labeled a mimetic fraud, I was quickly mollified by his absolutely charming prose and deft wit with words. I about orgasmed when he inserted adroitly my absolute favorite signifier of logophilia: the word "shibboleths." Transcending catty and tawdry avowals of boys past and socks knit, Derfner explores many subjects th...more
The subtitle of this book is My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever and What Ended Up Happening Instead. Even with that “What Ended Up Happening Instead” tacked on there, the subtitle is not entirely accurate; if this book is about a quest, it’s of the more typical memoir type, with Derfner struggling to overcome a whole slew of personal and psychological issues. I usually hate books like that, but I still liked this one because Derfner’s neuroses are relatable, and he’s consistently funny en...more
I loved this book. In fact, loved might not be a good enough word; I expected a light-hearted look at gay stereotypes, but what I got was an emotional journey through various parts of life applicable to everybody. I laughed, I cried, I went with him through various situations and also briefly considered converting to Judaism because he writes about being Jewish so well.
Discoverylover
added it
This wonderful book was sent to me by my friend WingedMan.
I agree with previous readers - the funny parts were funny, the deep parts were deep. And that this book spoke to me about what it is to be human.
I'm actually finding it really hard to process my thoughts about this book - I enjoyed it for sure, and as I said, found it thought provoking. I might leave it for a few days and update my entry then.
I agree with previous readers - the funny parts were funny, the deep parts were deep. And that this book spoke to me about what it is to be human.
I'm actually finding it really hard to process my thoughts about this book - I enjoyed it for sure, and as I said, found it thought provoking. I might leave it for a few days and update my entry then.
Mary
rated it
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review of another edition
Shelves:
current-events,
humor,
philosophy,
americana,
gay,
memoir,
non-fiction,
weird,
favorites,
sex
Unexpectedly fantastic read. Funny where appropriate, but Derfner takes the reader on a sentimental and thoughtful journey. The final chapter on his experience with Exodus is very insightful and gives the reader plenty to think about -- gay or not. Derfner knows how to make himself and his stories relatable, by exposing flaws and vulnerabilities. Highly recommended.
I was pleasantly surprised by this. I thought I was going to read some airplane fluff about some gay guys thoughts on stereotypically shallow gay subjects. Although each piece started out that way, he always went deeper into the subject, sometimes on a personal level and other times on why those subjects are so prevalent in gay society. The chapter on going under cover at an Exodus retreat was especially thought provoking.
This book is the perfect combination of laugh out loud anecdotes and feel good reflections. In fact, it led me to search out Joel's blog and I now follow it actively. He tackles everything: blind dates, knitting, step aerobics, musical theatre and more. It was long enough to keep me occupied and short enough to be a lovely little summer read.
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“Yes, being gay is just one of a thousand traits that make up my character, no more remarkable than my love of M&M's or my ability to mess up a room in fifteen seconds flat or my failure to understand the appeal of Luke and Owen Wilson.
But I believe that the desire to love and be loved is the strongest force on earth. And in that way, being gay affects every interaction in which straight people take part. Every human motive is in the end a yearning for companionship, and every act of every person on this planet is an effort not to be alone. ”
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5 people liked it
But I believe that the desire to love and be loved is the strongest force on earth. And in that way, being gay affects every interaction in which straight people take part. Every human motive is in the end a yearning for companionship, and every act of every person on this planet is an effort not to be alone. ”
“There are two differences between an orgy and a sex club. First, at a sex club it's considered bad form to introduce yourself to someone before you start putting parts of his body in your mouth. At an orgy you are allowed to offer your name as long as you do so with an obvious sense of irony. ”
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2 people liked it
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