Perfection

Sep 29, 2009 Kirsten rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book fell far short of its promise. It is presented as the story of a woman finding out about her husband's infidelity after his early death, but it's really more about how she coped. And how she coped appeared to involve a lot of screaming profanities at people, and bouncing into bed with people she didn't much like. She comes off as profoundly unlikeable (which made me wonder why all these men were chasing her, frankly). Certain segments of the book definitely read like vengeance on her d...more

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Sep 02, 2009 Elixxir rated it 2 of 5 stars

As a married chick I have a morbid fascination with tales of adultery and betrayal and I'm clearly biased towards the wife. Good grief, how do you take a story so rife with drama and make it this painfully boring? I mentioned that to a friend and her comment was 'maybe that's why he cheated'. Yes, we're mean. But not necessarily wrong. Nothing to new to see, learn or experience here. Pass.

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Nov 24, 2012 Seulky rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobio-memoir

Disingenuous. Why? The author portrays herself as an innocent victim, living in a bubble about her marriage when she is blindsided by betrayal. However, *spoiler alert*, much later in the book, she slips in 2 sentences that reveal she knew that her then boyfriend (soon-to-be husband) had cheated on her. He even told her it would not happen again. The author lies to herself, she lies to her readers, and the things she says about her husband (like "unreliable narrator") makes me think she was real...more

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Oct 20, 2011 Lavonne rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography

Quite a compelling read, I could barely put this book down. Julie’s husband dies unexpectedly and then like a house of cards, her carefully constructed life falls apart, as she realizes her husband was unfaithful almost continuously throughout their marriage. Part of what kept me turning the pages was identifying with the pain she felt and the struggle to rebuild her life. Been there, done that.

I loved her brutal honesty, even when at times I was stunned by some of the things she included in thi...more Quite a compelling read, I could barely put this book down. Julie’s husband dies unexpectedly and then like a house of cards, her carefully constructed life falls apart, as she realizes her husband was unfaithful almost continuously throughout their marriage. Part of what kept me turning the pages was identifying with the pain she felt and the struggle to rebuild her life. Been there, done that.

I loved her brutal honesty, even when at times I was stunned by some of the things she included in this memoir. Some of the sexual details I could have lived without. Seriously.

I didn’t always agree with her choices, such as telling her 11-year-old child about her father’s affairs. I can’t see why a mother would ever burden a child with that, especially so young. Julie couldn’t seem to get past the “this was done TO me” idea and by telling her child, she has passed that emotional load to her daughter. In my opinion, cheating has very little to do with the person being cheated on. (And believe me, that wasn’t an easy belief I came to overnight.) It certainly had almost nothing to do with her daughter. But those are her choices, and she certainly has the right to make them.

At the same time, phrases jumped off the page at me, bringing awareness of a common situation and the price of gaining the wisdom:

Quotes from the text:

“I learned that day that there is no more lonely state than being lonely in a marriage.”

“This was the man that had so frequently told me that my version of reality was damaged. Now I could see that my version of reality was quite fine. My mistake had been allowing him to make me doubt what I was seeing. There had been deception and self-deception.”

“You need to get it together. Because if you let all this take over your life, then he wins, and he can’t win.”

There were a lot more recognizable moments for me, as I let memories take me back to a stormier time of my life.

I remember learning to trust again, without being gullible, or distinguishing the fine line between forgiving and forgetting. It did bother me that she never seemed to make it to the forgiveness part. By the end of the book, she has definitely moved on physically, but spiritually and emotionally, she was still stuck on being the victim. Her life and her story are not over yet, though. I wish her luck on the rest of her journey, because I believe she still has a way to go.
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Oct 09, 2011 Jen rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs, non-fiction

This book feels a lot like nonfiction. The characters (Julie's friends) are well-developed and the plot twists (Julie's life) are incredible. I can't imagine the pain this woman went through, and am so amazed at her bravery -- how she confronted such a difficult situation head-on without apology. Some may think it was a risky move, writing such a book when you've got a young daughter who will learn all the ugliness of her parents' relationship. But I for one feel there's nothing wrong with truth...more

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Jun 07, 2011 Mary Ann rated it 3 of 5 stars

I seemed to gravitate towards memoirs lately, so I bought this one because it had an interesting premise: husband drops dead on the bathroom floor, and widow ends up discovering that he had multiple affairs during their marriage. Reading it was like peering into someone's life when they weren't looking. My reactions were that I really didn't like this guy and wondered why Julie couldn't see through him when she met him. I was surprised at her tenaciousness in trying to contact his former liaison...more

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May 24, 2011 LindyLouMac rated it 1 of 5 stars

I have absolutely no idea why this book has so many good reviews, mind you it does seem to have lots of bad ones as well. Maybe if I had read them first I would not have bothered with this tedious, dull read.

I knew it was going to be a memoir about a young woman trying to put her life back together when her husband unexpectedly dies of a heart attack. I also knew that she was going to discover that he had been unfaithful to her, fair enough and very sad, but she carries out a campaign to contact...more

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May 13, 2011 Claude rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Okay I loved this book (obvious by my 4 star rating), but there are two things I hated about it.

1) Julie Metz is a completely stupid and ignorant meat-eater!

2) Julie Metz is a really egocentric single female.

The good things about autobiographies are you often get to see who the author and other characters really are. I am sure when Julie reads this book she think she appears in a certain way. That certain way that she appears in her head is often nothing like she appears in the readers head.

H...more Okay I loved this book (obvious by my 4 star rating), but there are two things I hated about it.

1) Julie Metz is a completely stupid and ignorant meat-eater!

2) Julie Metz is a really egocentric single female.

The good things about autobiographies are you often get to see who the author and other characters really are. I am sure when Julie reads this book she think she appears in a certain way. That certain way that she appears in her head is often nothing like she appears in the readers head.

Her extreme ignorance and respect towards vegetarians is shocking and disgusting. I seriously doubt that she has ever thought truly deeply about any concept that is so deeply intrenched in our society's ideology. Some humans lack the ability to question things unless prompted extensively. When Metz talks about the dinner with Henry where they are completely cruel to there vegetarian guests, I lost a lot of respect for her. I thought she was an intelligent human up until this point. Though to be an intelligent human being you don't have to be vegetarian, I think a truly intelligent human would have at least made some preliminary enquiries in to why someone would be a vego. (Eninstein, Da Vinci, Plato, Darwin and many more are/were vegos).
And like many single females Metz believes that her life is paramount over anyone else's. We find out more than half way through the book, that the way she started dating Henry was an infidelity. Though she understates the fact. What's worse is it is not the only relationship in her life that she chooses the 'ignorance is bliss' path. The one I would term the 'emotionally stupid and irresponsible path.' Near the end of the book she confesses to dating some Italian dude whilst in her twenties, knowing he had another girlfriend some where else which he would return to later. Metz conveniently bends her morals stating that such arrangements were common amongst males studying away from home. Murder is relatively common to, yet I don't condone it. Morality should never be dynamic in this way, it is just plain selfish.
Also, like so many girls that try internet dating she seems to think that she is the only jewel in the crown, and that this makes her ultimately special. New flash Metz: It doesn't, you are just one female out of millions of replicas exactly like you. Metz asks one dude she is dating 'I want to go on a date with this Crush, do you think I should?' What a fucking emotionally-cunt thing to do! I use the word cunt because I know Metz hates it; finds it dirty. That is exactly the way you, Metz, treat single males (yet are unaware). Do you not understand why you can't say and do these things? This is not really any different to the way Henry treated you. Damn stupid females thinking that sexual attraction is a good enough reason for them to be emotionally cruel.

Having said all this I think if I actually met Julie Metz and her daughter Liza, I would love them to pieces. (less)

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Apr 27, 2011 Romancing the Book rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Review by Stephanie

Blurb: Julie Metz had a seemingly perfect life -- an adoring husband, a happy, spirited daughter, a lovely old house in a quaint suburban town -- but it was all a lie.

Julie Metz's life changed forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapsed on the kitchen floor and died in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old became the young widow in her bucolic small town. But that was only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when J...more Review by Stephanie

Blurb: Julie Metz had a seemingly perfect life -- an adoring husband, a happy, spirited daughter, a lovely old house in a quaint suburban town -- but it was all a lie.

Julie Metz's life changed forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapsed on the kitchen floor and died in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old became the young widow in her bucolic small town. But that was only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when Julie thought she was emerging from the worst of it, came the rest of it: Henry had hidden another life from her.

Perfection is the story of rebuilding both a life and an identity after betrayal and widowhood. It is a story of rebirth and happiness -- if not perfection.

What Stephanie Thought: Julie Metz offers a stunning and dazzling peek into her past in Perfection with her astonishingly lyrical prose. It is tragic enough that she is widowed at such a young age, after only sixteen years with her beloved husband, Henry. But what she disastrously discovers a mere several months after the devastating loss, is that he was having an affair for more than a year -- with none other than her acquaintance and mother of her daughter's best friend, Cathy. Imagine what kind of betrayal you'd feel at that sort of discovery. A man you've loved, a man who's loved you deceiving you like that -- and finding out AFTER he's dead. The anger Metz portrays is not malicious, and not even vengeful. It is only full of desperation and the distress every heartbroken woman is apt to feel. However, it certainly does not end there. By sifting through Henry's old email records, Julie yet again discovers, Cathy was not the only one. There were more women before and after Cathy. Yes, women. Women Julie has only once met at social events, women Julie was unaware of in existence, women Henry lightly joked about when he was alive. Women who haven't corresponded with Henry through email that Julie still doesn't know about.

I was astounded by Julie's courage. After a bit of research, she contacts all the women in Henry's email account, and surprisingly, develops platonic, even friendly, relationships with them. Henry is a common ground for Julie and those women, and after his passing, it was the only place Julie can find true comfort in. It takes an unbelievable strength to get the guts to do that. To face one's fears directly. And for it, I commend Julie greatly.

Perfection is a remarkably personal novel that makes me want to by the end, get to know Julie better. I can't even refer to her as "Metz", I just want to call her Julie! Her story will rather than fill you with pity, bring a sense of understanding and admiration toward her, for her strength, endurance, and unwillingness to give up. She could be your best friend. She could be your sister. She could be your mom or that nice lady who smiles at you every time you see her at the park. She could even be you.

I am deeply impressed by Metz's incredible writing style. Her words have the ability to both depress and delight the reader, making Perfection an unforgettable read in which every single page is worthwhile.

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Feb 11, 2011 Karielle Stephanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: blog

Blurb: Julie Metz had a seemingly perfect life -- an adoring husband, a happy, spirited daughter, a lovely old house in a quaint suburban town -- but it was all a lie.
Julie Metz's life changed forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapsed on the kitchen floor and died in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old became the young widow in her bucolic small town. But that was only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when Julie thought she w...more Blurb: Julie Metz had a seemingly perfect life -- an adoring husband, a happy, spirited daughter, a lovely old house in a quaint suburban town -- but it was all a lie.
Julie Metz's life changed forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapsed on the kitchen floor and died in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old became the young widow in her bucolic small town. But that was only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when Julie thought she was emerging from the worst of it, came the rest of it: Henry had hidden another life from her.
Perfection is the story of rebuilding both a life and an identity after betrayal and widowhood. It is a story of rebirth and happiness -- if not perfection.

What Stephanie Thought: Julie Metz offers a stunning and dazzling peek into her past in Perfection with her astonishingly lyrical prose. It is tragic enough that she is widowed at such a young age, after only sixteen years with her beloved husband, Henry. But what she disastrously discovers a mere several months after the devastating loss, is that he was having an affair for more than a year -- with none other than her acquaintance and mother of her daughter's best friend, Cathy. Imagine what kind of betrayal you'd feel at that sort of discovery. A man you've loved, a man who's loved you deceiving you like that -- and finding out AFTER he's dead. The anger Metz portrays is not malicious, and not even vengeful. It is only full of desperation and the distress every heartbroken woman is apt to feel. However, it certainly does not end there. By sifting through Henry's old email records, Julie yet again discovers, Cathy was not the only one. There were more women before and after Cathy. Yes, women. Women Julie has only once met at social events, women Julie was unaware of in existence, women Henry lightly joked about when he was alive. Women who haven't corresponded with Henry through email that Julie still doesn't know about.
I was astounded by Julie's courage. After a bit of research, she contacts all the women in Henry's email account, and surprisingly, develops platonic, even friendly, relationships with them. Henry is a common ground for Julie and those women, and after his passing, it was the only place Julie can find true comfort in. It takes an unbelievable strength to get the guts to do that. To face one's fears directly. And for it, I commend Julie greatly.
Perfection is a remarkably personal novel that makes me want to by the end, get to know Julie better. I can't even refer to her as "Metz", I just want to call her Julie! Her story will rather than fill you with pity, bring a sense of understanding and admiration toward her, for her strength, endurance, and unwillingness to give up. She could be your best friend. She could be your sister. She could be your mom or that nice lady who smiles at you every time you see her at the park. She could even be you.
I am deeply impressed by Metz's incredible writing style. Her words have the ability to both depress and delight the reader, making Perfection an unforgettable read in which every single page is worthwhile.

Stephanie Loves: "[Henry and I] had shared some real moments. With effort and patience, I might find something I could keep at the end of all this, though I had an overwhelming urge to throw out all my life with Henry and start over with just Liza, the two of us heading off down a long road to somewhere in an old jalopy, one suitcase rattling in the backseat."

Where Stephanie Got It: Jen at Romancing the Book for review.

Radical Rating: 9 hearts- One of my all-time favorites!(less)

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Jan 30, 2011 Meagen Hudson rated it 4 of 5 stars

I originally rated this book 3 stars, but then changed my rating to 4 because I enjoyed the first two parts so much. The first part of the book is about her coping with her husband's death, and as someone who took many classes on family systems and grief and actually wrote a term paper on the 5 stages of grief, I was really interested in seeing how her husband's sudden death had an impact on her perfect life. The second part of the book is Julie dealing with her husbands huge secret, and I was g...more

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Oct 18, 2010 Bookworm rated it 4 of 5 stars

Julie thought she had the perfect life. She was married to the love of her life, Henry and had a beautiful 6 year old daughter, Liza. She had a nice job as a freelance graphic designer and was able to work from home.

Henry was spontaneous and extravagant. He enjoyed cooking gourmet meals, parties, and was a social butterfly. He traveled alot, at times being away from home for weeks at a time. He was in the process of writing a book on cuisine and would travel around the world for research.

Henry h...more Julie thought she had the perfect life. She was married to the love of her life, Henry and had a beautiful 6 year old daughter, Liza. She had a nice job as a freelance graphic designer and was able to work from home.

Henry was spontaneous and extravagant. He enjoyed cooking gourmet meals, parties, and was a social butterfly. He traveled alot, at times being away from home for weeks at a time. He was in the process of writing a book on cuisine and would travel around the world for research.

Henry hadn't been feeling well for months, but chalked it up to too much workload. One day however, while Julie was working at her computer, she heard Henry enter the house, then soon after she heard a loud thump. She found Henry dying on their kitchen floor. He died soon after of cardiac arrest.

Seven months after Henry's death Julie finds out that Henry was having multiple affairs, five to be exact. Julie's friends found out about his infidelities right after Henry died and chose not to tell her until later. A mutual friend hands over Henry's emails and journal to Julie and reveals what he knows.

Julie reads Henry's explicit journal and email correspondence with his lovers. Most of it describes his sex life, with one of Julie's close friends in particular.
I first heard of Julie Metz's story on the Oprah show. I remember being both shocked and intrigued by her story. Reading her memoir, I was definitely stunned. Especially when reading Henry's emails and journals. I didn't agree with some of the choices Julie made, like taking a lover so soon after Henry's death. However I do admire her candidness in telling her story. I can't even fathom what she went through finding out her husband was unfaithful after becoming a widow and single mother. And one of his mistresses was supposed to be a good friend of hers.

Julie's memoir is brave, emotional, disturbing and intriguing all at once. I was hooked from page one and hoped Julie would find some kind of closure and happiness in the end. I think she is brave to share her story. Despite devastating betrayal she was able to persevere and move on with her life.

read my full review here
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Jun 14, 2010 Kasia S. rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is an incredibly intense book, I read it in two sittings and cringed though half of it, while counting my blessings that I have been spared the fate that so many women seem to suffer though these days. Julie Metz poured her heart and soul into this memoir, I was incredibly impressed with her strength to open up and expose her pain and her healing, most of us want to curl up and disappear when something horrible happens, and not necessarily tell everyone. When her husband of sixteen years su...more This is an incredibly intense book, I read it in two sittings and cringed though half of it, while counting my blessings that I have been spared the fate that so many women seem to suffer though these days. Julie Metz poured her heart and soul into this memoir, I was incredibly impressed with her strength to open up and expose her pain and her healing, most of us want to curl up and disappear when something horrible happens, and not necessarily tell everyone. When her husband of sixteen years suddenly drops dead, she is grief stricken and submerged in a cold mental bath. She's not in denial of what happened but rather in intense pain, one that will be overshadowed by anger when she finds out the secrets that lurked in the seemingly hidden corners of his mind. The loving husband and father, gourmet foodie and passionate author had taste for something more than his wife and truffles; women. Seven months after his death, personal diaries, emails and certain individuals are brought to Julies' attention. The man she shared her bed and womb with has been unfaithful both physically and mentally. Perhaps pushed by anger she no longer feels the loss but a burning desire to unearth all the dirt he's been covering up all these years. She feels that in order to clean her slate she needs to find as much information as possible about his mistresses and more important, reasons for what he did. Julies starts a new journey in her life with her six year old daughter Liza, one that will unearth many rocks with bugs underneath. In one paragraphs she describes her pain being so apparent that even her first grader felt the need to cheer her up. Always with her little girl in mind, she takes it upon herself to be brave and dig out of the hole that Henry has dropped her in. It seems that as much as he said he loved her, it wasn't enough, addicted perhaps and weak he was only stopped by his own body giving up, I don't see how someone like him would have changed for any woman on this planet.

I think the biggest shock was realizing the years of lies that have passed with so little suspicion. Every time she would contact a woman to hear of Henry's infidelity she would think of the things she was doing in the time he was cheating on her. And we're not talking once of twice, many many times with different people whom he tried to find a connection with. No marriage is perfect and regardless of what mistakes she did I can't imagine justifying any of that with the other person being unfaithful. He should have spoken to her about any issues, instead he felt satisfied carrying on behind her back, not trying to be specific about getting more love or attention. If this was my husband, I would have fed him to werewolves and thanked them for getting rid of such slime. He was no longer around for her to take her anger out on him, so the only way to survive was to plunge into the road to discovery that would unearth some pretty horrid stuff. By page 135 I sat on my couch with my mouth hanging open, shocked. The book was draining and heavy at times but also hauntingly beautiful even if melancholy. Metz has real talent, I wish she would consider writing more, fiction this time, but I'm sure she has a lot of experiences under her belt to add heft to anything she can dream up. She has to get over the past and most important of all, forgive in order to be able to move and have a healthy relationship with a new man. I was incredibly impressed how she was able to build positive relationships with some of the women that Henry canoodled with, being more than grown up about the whole thing, perhaps it helped her heal, well all but one, Cathy, her ex-friend and ex-neighbor, the one snake in the grass who should be repaying some heavy duty karma in the near future. (less)

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Mar 10, 2010 Engineous rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: so-bad-i-stopped-reading

I couldn't get past the first eleven pages. They are rank with a putrid, hypocritical morality and self-absorbed ignorance of everyone else.

Within the first few pages, Julie Metz manages to butcher the meaning of umami by talking about how it is (paraphrased) "the taste of protein, the caress of fat." No, it isn't. First, you are biologically incapable of tasting protein. Second, umami has been better translated as "nuttiness". The Japanese have never been an exceptionally animal-eating culture;...more

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Feb 08, 2010 MB rated it 2 of 5 stars

I started out really liking this book. She was a character I could identify with, for the first quarter or so of the book. I thought she was brave and honest, trying to find out the truth about her husband. But then I kept reading. She kept referring to herself as a feminist, and she was anything but. She couldn't do anything without a man telling her it was all right...her brother, her lover, a man she met over the phone through a dating site. I thought she was a shitty mother, bringing home pr...more

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Jan 03, 2010 David rated it 2 of 5 stars

surprisingly boring for a book about finding out a few months after his sudden death in middle age that your husband had many affairs incl. a long-term one with a woman in the neighborhood who was the mom of the author's daughter's pal.

Author goes on a fact-finding mission, interviewing all the "other women" she can find as well as her husband's therapist, author of a book he'd been reading about evolutionary psychology perspective on human mating, etc. She ends up forgiving almost everyone and...more

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Oct 03, 2009 Christi rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book sounded interesting to me: the memoir of a woman who discovers her husband has a secret life... after he drops dead on their kitchen floor. I wanted to learn about his secrets and kept turning the pages until Metz uncovered them for me. But after that, I didn't really feel like I cared enough about Metz to keep reading the predictable trajectory of her ultimate forgiveness and acceptance. Her husband seemed duplicitous but interesting, while Metz does not. If anything, she makes such a...more

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Sep 27, 2009 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Four stars means "I really liked it", which is kind of like saying I really liked being glued to the Internet for news when terrorists launched that weekend long attack on Mumbai. It's not so much that I liked it as that I was fascinated by it, held hostage by it, trying but unable to avert my gaze. Perfection starts off almost immediately with the sudden death of the author's 44 year old husband, and if you begin the book knowing, as I did, the premise of her story you sit back and wait for the...more

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Sep 27, 2009 s rated it 3 of 5 stars

let me preface this review by saying--julie metz is a good writer with creative metaphors and descriptions. in fact--i would say my favorite part about the book was the way she described how things looked or felt or smelled or tasted. and, i appreciated her honesty and candor about a troubling subject--the death of her husband and her complete ignorance of his constant infidelities, the details of which she unearthed after his sudden demise.

however...i had several problems with the book.

1. it ap...more let me preface this review by saying--julie metz is a good writer with creative metaphors and descriptions. in fact--i would say my favorite part about the book was the way she described how things looked or felt or smelled or tasted. and, i appreciated her honesty and candor about a troubling subject--the death of her husband and her complete ignorance of his constant infidelities, the details of which she unearthed after his sudden demise.

however...i had several problems with the book.

1. it appears that she dedicated the book in some senses to her daughter (her chimwimwe) so that it might "answer questions" for her when she came of age. this flabbergasted me...considering the GRAPHIC DETAIL she includes about her sexual escapades (after her husband's death) and her own husbands sexual escapades. the description (in her own dead husband's words) of his sex acts with her daughter's childhood friend's mother--is not something i would ever want MY KID to read--if i ever put pen to paper. even if my kid was 52. but, maybe that's simply a personality difference.

2. which would probably be the reason why i found that the writing was often...self-indulgent--another issue i had with the book. but, then again--the book was a therapuetic exercise--a way for metz to exorcise her husband's demons not unlike how she exorcised him from her apartment. and, so, i can't ask for a literature when it's fairly plain from the book jacket--that it's really more therapy than literature.

3. i feel that she missed the opportunity at the end of the book to really come to any kind of terms with the title, the theme and potentially the problem in her marriage--the struggle for perfection. could she not see that her bourgeois existence--her friends, significant others and neighbors--were all from the "perfection" cult? those educated to the hilt type who only eat organic, nip and tuck when they hit 40 but spend their summers hiking the adirondacks and slapping sunscreen on their faces. those--peace corps meets ivy league meets picasso meets yoga in chelsea meets plaza hotel type. perhaps that's why her husband was so damn bored and struggled so hard to find "perfection". he had too much intellect, social connections, money and time. remove the social connections, money and, time--and he might have been happy with the gorgeous home, free-lance workload, wife and kid.

4. but, what really bothered me about the book is that she never stopped to admit--HEY I DON'T KNOW WHY HE CHEATED ON ME CONSTANTLY AND WAS TOTALLY UNSATISFIED AND HELL HE DIDN'T KNOW EITHER. and, writing a book about it, interviewing every damn woman he slept with AND his therapist isn't going to give you any answers lady! you can't figure someone out just because you're smart. least of all a dead guy. you can only make blind guesses. so why are you driving yourself CRAZY?

that might have been a more interesting book--why i drove myself crazy to figure out my sex-obsessed crazy dead husband and why i slept with a dozen weirdos while i was trying to figure it out.

if she could have answered that question instead of psychoanalyzing the dead guy--i actually think she would have answered point 3 (above) and made for some pretty savvy reading.

at the end of the book--i did enjoy the soap opera of it all. (hey i'm a chick.) and i did enjoy some of the writing. and i did enjoy looking at myself and thinking--never be as neurotic as julie metz (and apologize to all friends for being neurotic after last breakup). and, thank god every day that you never married the men in your life (especially last breakup) who made you doubt yourself the way she did.

so for that--i pity her. and, have learned something from her neurosis--which is what all good therapy should give you. thank you julie metz.(less)

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Sep 18, 2009 Lee Razer rated it 2 of 5 stars

Memoir; author's husband dies, she discovers he's had affairs with several women, she seeks to "understand why" by discussing with most of these women their relationship with her husband. I almost gave up reading this in the first part of the book because these people come across so incredibly unsympathetically. They both appear to be unkind, self-centered, conceited, privileged, and superficial. She is very high strung, always breaking out into tears and screaming rages about something or other...more

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Sep 09, 2009 Alison rated it 1 of 5 stars

I had to give up after 100 pages because time is precious. I found this book to be utterly annoying, with false notes on every page. Supposedly she is writing about a great betrayal, but within weeks of her husband's death she's having an affair with a family friend. In bed, post-coitus, this family friend tells her that her husband was unfaithful. She becomes livid with rage but then it turns out that she basically knew that he was being unfaithful, having gone so far as to ask, "Are you having...more

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Aug 24, 2009 Deirdre rated it 3 of 5 stars

Metz has produced a raw and moving memoir of her life as a grieving widow faced with the reality of her dead husband's infdelity. Her writing is honest and brave as she chronicles the unraveling of her marriage post her husband's death - as evidence of each new woman comes to light, Metz acknowledges that there were signs along the way, signs she either misread or simply ignored.

She approached her 'recovery' with zeal, contacting all of her husband's lovers, researching the sociology and psychol...more

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Aug 23, 2009 Adele Stratton rated it 3 of 5 stars

This was a bit of a head-scratcher for me. It’s the memoir of a woman who, after her husband suddenly died, learned that he’d been having multiple affairs, including one with a family friend. She sets about trying to understand him, by contacting each woman, personally and/or by e-mail, and by doing research about men who lead this kind of life. This seemed a kind of overthinking—couldn’t it be that he was just a garden-variety jerk and she naïve? Aspects of her story made me want to scream: “ho...more

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Aug 05, 2009 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars

Whew. This was a real heart-wrenching reading experience for me. As a married woman, I never want to think that the life I'm living - or the man I'm married to - is anything other than what I know it to be. But within the story of this memoir, I saw that what you might know to be the truth isn't necessarily so.

This is a memoir of a woman who learns after her husband's premature death that he had been involved in numerous extramarital affairs, one of which was with a so-called "friend". Julie Met ...more

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Jul 20, 2009 Cabaret25 rated it 3 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jul 07, 2009 Nancy rated it 2 of 5 stars

Geez Louise. When I read the blurb of this book (it's a memoir of a woman who, after her husband's sudden death, discovers that he was a serial cheater), I thought, "Huh. She has a six year old daughter, who will one day read this book. Not very nice for little Liza. Odd choice for Mommy to make." But it was on sale, 20% off, and it exercised a horrid fascination for me, so I bought it. And read it.

In this book, Julie Metz logs, in great detail: her fights with her husband. Her sexual adventure...more

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Jun 21, 2009 Catherine rated it 3 of 5 stars

The book begins when Metz's husband of over a decade, Henry, collapses in their kitchen and dies. Metz reflects on her less than perfect marriage, which becomes even more complicated when seven months after Henry's death she finds out about his numerous affairs.

Metz includes segments from emails with sexually intimate details of her husband's affairs and also discusses her own sexuality, which might be too much information for some readers.

Metz was in her mid-forties when Henry passed away and...more

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Jun 20, 2009 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars

Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal , by Julie Metz is an extremely personal account of a not so "perfect" life. After the unexpected death of her husband Henry, and 12 years of marriage, 44 year old Julie Metz finds herself alone with a six year old daughter to raise. She spent the greater part of the next seven months living in a fog and missing the love of her life terribly. When a friend tells her about a woman Henry had been seeing in New York, Julie is shocked. Before long Julie l...more

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Jun 12, 2009 Jesse Kornbluth rated it 5 of 5 stars

January 8, 2003. A pleasant house with a river view in a charming town not far from New York City. Julie Metz, a freelance graphic designer, is working on a book cover in her home office. Her husband Henry, a writer, is resting upstairs. Their six-and-a-half-year-old daughter Liza is in school.

And then death enters --- Henry's felled by a pulmonary embolism. He was just 44, the same age as his widow. They had been married for 13 years.

Happily married? Well, they entertained a lot --- Henry love...more

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May 11, 2009 Terri rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2009

Description:
Julie Metz's life changes forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapses on the kitchen floor and dies in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old is the young widow in a bucolic small town. And this is only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when Julie thinks she is emerging from the worst of it, comes the rest of it: She discovers that what had appeared to be the reality of her marriage was but a half-truth. Henry had hidden...more Description:
Julie Metz's life changes forever on one ordinary January afternoon when her husband, Henry, collapses on the kitchen floor and dies in her arms. Suddenly, this mother of a six-year-old is the young widow in a bucolic small town. And this is only the beginning. Seven months after Henry's death, just when Julie thinks she is emerging from the worst of it, comes the rest of it: She discovers that what had appeared to be the reality of her marriage was but a half-truth. Henry had hidden another life from her.

"He loved you so much." That's what everyone keeps telling her. It's true that he loved Julie and their six-year-old daughter ebulliently and devotedly, but as she starts to pick up the pieces and rebuild her life without Henry in it, she learns that Henry had been unfaithful throughout their twelve years of marriage. The most damaging affair was ongoing--a tumultuous relationship that ended only with Henry's death. For Julie, the only thing to do was to get at the real truth--to strip away the veneer of "perfection" that was her life and confront each of the women beneath the veneer.

Perfection is the story of Julie Metz's journey through chaos and transformation as she creates a different life for herself and her young daughter. It is the story of coming to terms with painful truths, of rebuilding both a life and an identity after betrayal and widowhood. It is a story of rebirth and happiness--if not perfection.

The description implies that this is the memoir of a woman who believes that she had a "perfect" marriage and then discovers her husband's perfidity after his death. That's not really it. While the affairs come as an awful shock, this is more the story of a woman who has been in denial about how unhappy her marriage was and how she comes to terms with her own unhappiness, her husband's best and worst traits, and her own life in the aftermath of his death. Parts of the story was heartbreaking and parts of it made me angry for Julie Metz and her young daughter. Her honesty is really refreshing. It was an excellent read. (less)

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topics	posts	views	last activity
Q&A with Julie Metz: "I'm actually quiet and shy"	2	66	Jun 17, 2011 08:05pm
Don't Waste Your Time!	1	15	Jun 17, 2011 08:01pm

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