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What He Must Be: If He Wants to Marry My Daughter

4.25  ·  Rating Details  ·  963 Ratings  ·  66 Reviews
All parents want their daughters to marry godly young men. But which qualities, specifically, should they be looking for?

What will you say when that certain young man sits down in your living room, sweaty-palmed and tongue-tied, and asks your permission to marry your daughter? What criteria should he meet before the two of them join together for life? What He Must Be... If
Paperback, 213 pages
Published January 30th 2009 by Crossway Books
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Community Reviews

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Mar 14, 2009 Shaun rated it it was amazing
Ask Voddie Baucham how to best prepare for leadership and ministry and he may tell you to get married and have children. You may be wondering what that has to do with helping your daughter choose a suitor. The answer is that it has everything to do with helping your daughter choose a suitor. This book is directed at Christian parents, especially fathers. As followers of Christ it is the father’s duty to lead and minister in his own home first. If you aren’t sure what this looks like, you may wan ...more
May 10, 2011 Patricia rated it it was amazing
This book deserves all five stars. Very thought-provoking, convicting, and challenging; definitely raises the bar to where it should be. I appreciate how Voddie Baucham explains everything so clearly and concisely. He bases everything on the Bible, without forcing anything or stretching anything. Then again, he doesn't need to because it's all the plain and simple truth. This was very helpful for getting the right focus and direction. I will definitely be reading this again.
Chase Steely
Nov 02, 2014 Chase Steely rated it liked it
Good book for Christian fathers, for guys who want to be fathers, for women who want a godly husband, and teens to see what they should strive to be and look for in a spouse.
Michael Boling
Feb 16, 2015 Michael Boling rated it it was amazing
Let’s be honest. The modern model of relationships is broken. Divorce is rampant, so-called couples live together and have children outside of wedlock, and our youth run from one relationship to another leaving a trail of broken hearts. Is this God’s design for male/female sexuality and relationships? Is the modern dating model and the go your own way Fleetwood Mac approach something rooted in Scripture? Have we as parents been neglecting our God given responsibility to instruct our children and ...more
Jul 05, 2016 Olivia rated it it was amazing
Mr. Baucham is on a mission to transform the family back to its original mandate - the way God meant for it to be. In this book he handles the theme of marriage as a desirable thing not to be pushed for later years (as we have been made to believe). He speaks soberly to parents seeking to raise godly sons and prepare daughters to be attracted to godly men , to men seeking to walk in a godly manner, and to women seeking to find godly husbands. Everyone is a candidate for this book. There is a way ...more
Simon Van den broek
Aug 28, 2013 Simon Van den broek rated it it was amazing
Very good, with many challenges to young men and old men.
If you want to get married, are married or have daughters you should read it.
He must:
Love children,
Be a priest,
Be a prophet,
Lead like Christ
Chelsea Clark
Jan 03, 2013 Chelsea Clark rated it really liked it
Insightful and informative book about dating and relationships. I enjoyed it and, while the information wasn't entirely new, it brought up some things to carefully consider.
Feb 28, 2012 Lance rated it did not like it
Answer: dead.
Dec 08, 2012 Rebecca rated it it was amazing
a great book!
Jul 28, 2014 Jimmy rated it it was amazing
Among the many Christian books on family, courtship and fatherhood that I have read, I think this book has become one of my top five. While the book was intended to address fathers to encourage them to think biblically of what to look for in a man who wants to marry their daughter, nevertheless I think others can benefit from reading this book too such as single mothers evaluating those interested in their daughters, or the young man who want to become a godly husband in the future. A young woma ...more
Natalie Wickham
Jun 22, 2010 Natalie Wickham rated it it was amazing
One of the things that has often been impressed upon my heart in studying the Bible is the importance of godly marriages. We see especially in the history of Israel how devastating the results were of their intermarriage with the pagan nations around them. Voddie Baucham is passionate about helping Christians understand the biblical principles pertaining to marriage. He says, “We must train a generation to follow hard after God in spit of what their forefathers have done…The marriages of our son ...more
I can't reiterate enough that hearing Pastor Baucham speak in chapel as an undergraduate has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. This book was no exception as he examined both the short- and long-term ramifications of choosing (or transforming into) a suitable husband. I encourage other girls and women to read this for themselves and consider not only finding a man who meets these standards but also how they themselves can become someone whom such a man will find desirous. With divorce ...more
Nov 12, 2012 Heather rated it it was amazing
Are you prepared for that day when a young man sweeps your daughter off her feet? What will you say when faced with the question of giving your daughter’s hand in marriage? What does he need to be . . .if he wants to marry your daughter?

Honestly, as a mommy, I’d rather not think (at all) about the day that any of my four children will approach a conversation on marriage. I’d like to stick my head in the sand and pretend that day is a million years from now.

If you’re honest you’ll agree to feeli
Bob Hayton
Apr 13, 2010 Bob Hayton rated it really liked it
In What He Must Be ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter Voddie Baucham Jr. does Christian dads a favor. He challenges them with a biblical vision of Christian courtship; and he cushions his challenge with a clear cut, easy to read, guide for how to think and plan about their daughter's future marriage.

Baucham realizes his message is as controversial as it is straightforward. Our culture prejudices us to an overly romantic idea regarding marriage. While parents feel freedom to guide and support th
Peter B.
Feb 25, 2016 Peter B. rated it really liked it
Considered more objectively, this is a clear and foundational book on the topic (the topic being the intersection of manhood, courtship, and marriage). From my experience, though, there weren't many new insights (though there were some) since I have heard many of these points before. Also, not all of it was directly applicable to me, as it is primarily written for fathers, though I still learned from reading those parts. It was still worth reading and helpful.

"Every governor of a family ought to
Jun 28, 2014 Jason rated it it was amazing
In What He Must Be, Voddie Baucham gives us a Biblical model for what our sons must be to fulfill their roles as husbands and fathers, and what our daughters must expect in a future husband. This book is primarily written for fathers. It challenges current dating and parenting models as unbiblical. It calls us to reevaluate how we train our children. For if we care at all about the lives our children lead as adults and about our grandchildren and great-greatchildren, we must care deeply about th ...more
Aug 30, 2012 Kim rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting
First off, my reviews are NOT in-depth. Rather they are quick jots of my opinion on the book.

Regarding this book: I was rather surprised. I expected a list of what he must be. I walked away with something rather different. If you want a list see "So You Want to Marry My Daughter?". Although I do not agree with the underlying premise of that book (that it is okay to date before engagement). You'll find the way VB describes in this book the reason why our family is strongly opposed to dating.

Jul 21, 2013 Alyssa rated it really liked it
You know those books that just make you want topick up the closest Bible and dig in with a newfound joy? Well, this was one of them. This book has been on my "to-read" list for a while now, and so when I spotted it on the shelves of the Creation Museum's gift shop, I was eager to pick it up and start reading.

I was greatly encouraged by this book to seek a godly man if/when I near a time when I am seriously considering marriage. Reading it has helped me identify concrete things I should be lookin
Ken Osborne
Dec 31, 2015 Ken Osborne rated it it was amazing
I was recommended to read this by a friend. From the introduction to the last chapter was eye opening. The author uses scripture and his own life examples to back up his point. Each chapter showed me how much I'm out of alignment I am with dating, courting, then marriage. Once I finished a friend asked if he could read it and I did lend it to him. I highly recommend this book to any young man that is in high school, college, and past college. If your single and Christian you had better know what ...more
Jan 17, 2015 Andrew rated it it was amazing
A great introduction to courtship and the Biblical principles of being a father, after the model of the roles of Prophet, Priest, and King, which Voddie Baucham divides into the 4 P's: protector, Provider,Prophet, and Priest. This book refutes the false conception of dating and gives a biblical model for courtship rather than recreational dating.
Jan 12, 2015 Aurelie rated it did not like it
One of the most sexist, degrading and simply insulting book I have ever written. Wouldn't even recommend this to men or women who desire an insight in Christians and religious men and women who live in the dark ages, or even just for a good laugh, this was a waste of time and only served to make me feel sick.
Aug 09, 2009 Michelle rated it it was amazing
Shelves: family-life
So far, so good. As usual, Voddie Baucham lays it out. With children that will eventually marry this is helpful in understanding the critical issues before you begin a courtship. Marrying for love alone often result in divorce. Ideally before a couple falls in love they have both determined that the other is a godly person, and this books clarifies what traits you will be looking for.

This is a great resource for fathers who have never seen the courtship process and what it entails. It is also a
Jun 24, 2016 Elizabeth rated it it was amazing
Voddie puts his arm around the reader's shoulder for an honest discussion on marriage. In this book, he addresses how men are to develop the character traits for Biblical leadership in marriage, and what women are to be on the lookout for. A good portion of the book is spent evaluating how fatherlessness and feminism has left its mark in the development of Biblical manhood and womanhood in our culture. Teaching by examples (more stories, less abstract explanations - yay), and inserting quite a f ...more
Tialla Rising
Oct 25, 2014 Tialla Rising rated it it was amazing
I absolutely loved this book. The topics discussed are extremely applicable in many ways. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the book covered many areas of spiritual life for all believers—fathers, mothers, young men, young women, etc—not just for "what a potential suitor must be." This book definitely helped me grow in my own walk with the Lord, and focus/refine my own personal convictions and beliefs regarding dating, courtship, and marriage.

I cannot recommend this book enough. I will def
Stewart Peterson
Mar 18, 2015 Stewart Peterson rated it really liked it
Probably should be a must read for any father raising a daughter(s). Very practical & godly advise from a man who obviously loves his daughter & his Lord.
Jash Comstock
An amazing book! Not just for dads, but also for young men who want an example of godly manhood. Also, a very convicting read.
Adam Gray
Dec 23, 2013 Adam Gray rated it it was amazing
All fathers...change that...all men need to read this book. Whether married with the hopes of the blessing of a daughter in the near future or not married and looking for that godly woman, you need to understand the biblical role of the husband as well as the responsibility of the father. Too many fathers today have forsaken this and simply hand their daughters off to whomever seeks their hand first with no knowledge of the qualifications a potential husband should possess. Get this, read it, th ...more
James Morovich
Aug 02, 2016 James Morovich rated it it was amazing
This book was very convicting and hard to swallow for me as a young man looking to prepare for marriage one day. Pastor Voddie Baucham outlines the biblical principles that all men should be ready to embody and apply when they get married. He truly reminds each and every man what type of responsibility he is committing to when he gets married, and every woman what she should be looking for in any man she would consider marrying.
Jan 18, 2012 Katie rated it it was amazing
Wow, this took a while to finish! But when you're only reading it over break...yeah, it takes a while! :-P

But that didn't take away from how great this book is. In my opinion, this is a must for any young Christian man who has marriage in mind. And young lady--what better what to be on the lookout for a suitable husband then with these truths to back you up. When it comes to marriage, there are some things that a young man simply MUST have.

"The four P's", as Baucham calls it, are something I wi
Dec 18, 2014 Rachel added it
Shelves: homemaking
very interesting
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Voddie Baucham wears many hats. He is a husband, father, pastor, author, professor, conference speaker and church planter. He currently serves as Pastor of Preaching at Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring, TX. He has served as an adjunct professor at the College of Biblical Studies in Houston, TX, and Union University in Jackson, TN. He has also lectured at Southern Seminary.

Voddie makes the Bib
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“Martin Luther. Luther argued: I have brought up a daughter with great expense and effort, care and peril, diligence and labor, and for many years I have ventured my entire life, my person and possessions, in the undertaking. . . . And now she is not to be better protected for me than my cow, lost in the woods, which any wolf may devour? Who would approve of this? Likewise, is my child to stand there free for all, so that any knave, unknown to me, or perhaps even a former enemy of mine, has the power and the unlimited opportunity secretly to steal her from me and take her away without my knowledge and will? There certainly is no one who would want to let his money and goods stand open to the public in this way, so that they may be taken by the first comer. But now the knave takes not only my money and goods, but my child whom I have brought up with painful care; and with my daughter he gets my goods and money besides. And so I must reward him for the grief and harm he has caused me and must let him be the heir of the possessions I have acquired with pains and labor. Surely, this is rewarding wickedness with honor; this is inviting grief and injury.2” 0 likes
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