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Forgive Forget

3.92  ·  Rating Details ·  315 Ratings  ·  44 Reviews
In Forgive & Forget, Lewis B. Smedes show you how to move form hurting and hating to healing and reconciliation. With the lessons of forgiveness, you can establish healthier relationships, reclaim the happiness that should be yours, and achieve lasting peace of mind.
Mass Market Paperback, 192 pages
Published March 1st 1986 by Pocket Books (first published 1984)
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Masterfully written with a theological emphasis. Forgive and Forget is divided into 4 parts. Part I is The Four Stages of Forgiving, which I thought was a little slow to get into and wondered if I would finish the book. Glad I did.

Part II Forgiving People Who Are Hard to Forgive resonated with me. This part talked about various acts from hurtful feelings by close friends and family, to rapes, crime victims, human atrocities. The author eloquently provided insightful comments as to how to go abou
Skylar Burris
Mar 24, 2009 Skylar Burris rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book provided an excellent look into the what and the why of forgiveness, but it was not quite so helpful when it came to the how.

The book details what forgiveness is as well as what it is not (it is not, by the way, forgetting, despite the title Forgive & Forget). This detail helps a person to have reasonable expectations about what he will be able to do when he forgives. The definition also helps one to become more self-aware of whether or not he is actually forgiving. In addition to
Bill Braun
Aug 31, 2012 Bill Braun rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: spirituality
There are many good books on forgiveness. I found this one most helpful for its way of describing the hurts we experience and offering clear and practical ways of understanding that hurt. The book's title is a little misleading, insofar as the author does not advocate forgetting in the sense of simply putting it out of mind. The forgetting has to do with ceasing to relive the people and the events that caused us hurt and turning our attention to healing.
Carrie B
Feb 18, 2010 Carrie B rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I like the IDEA around this book, but while he makes some good philosophical arguments for the order in which we must forgive, there are no real practical application steps for those of us who are very visual. I ended reading this book with the feeling that there were a lot of people I needed to work through this process with, but I was left hanging as to what was the best way to begin.
Jan 11, 2008 Randy rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Well written book that approaches human-to-human forgiveness from the theraputic angle (i.e., forgiving in order to escape negative emotions.) However, this view marginalizes forgiveness and trivalizes sin.
Fuad Alsultan
This is a 3 star book in my opinion. It's based on Christian believes and therefore I could not digest all what's written. Though, the author gave some good insights in some chapters. I needed to forgive myself for a couple of wrongdoings that I did, and after reading this book I believe I am now better and closer to forgive myself than I was before.

I likes the idea that even after hurting someone, we should not look at ourselves as bad people through out our repentance time. Our bad feeling fo
I'd give it a 3 1/2, actually. It was very well written; the author certainly can paint a picture with words, which made it a fairly easy read. I thought there were a couple of contradictions, and I disagreed greatly with one major aspect (which he seemed to later contradict himself about). It did a really good job of defining "what" forgiveness is and what types of acts the author believes to be needing of forgiveness, but the "how" is obviously easier said than done and more ambivalent. Overal ...more
Mar 31, 2010 Amir rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Learned that if you love yourself, you should not hate anyone!anyone no matter how much you have been betrayed! Holding hatred inside yourself is more harm for you than the person being hated! Basically no hurt to the person and more like holding a fire of hell burning you from inside! Not a smart way. Was very helpful for me.
Mar 12, 2008 Bill rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A Christian approach to healing after life's pains that isn't wimpy, maudlin or preachy. The author gives some good examples of hard life experiences and admits openly the slow, difficult path to forgiveness of others as well as ourselves. For those tired of the "steps" process (i.e. healing is NOT a step by step process but a journey to live) this is a good, basic book.
Nathan Albright
Jan 23, 2017 Nathan Albright rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: challenge2017
Right from the beginning, this author makes it clear that he knows his reading audience: "Somebody hurt you, maybe yesterday, maybe a lifetime ago, and you cannot forget it. You did not deserve the hurt. It went deep, deep enough to lodge itself in your memory. And it keeps on hurting you now (xi)." And, truth be told, this is an author who knows his audience, as this is one book (and a fairly early example, coming from 1984) in a fairly popular genre [1]. This is a book that knows its place wit ...more
I found Forgive & Forget to be very insightful. I came away from the book with far more understanding than when I started reading. Coming away from this book as I did has provided me another level of peace and comfort.

Forgiveness is tricky business and I don't quite understand all the intricacies of it but I do understand the importance. I also now have a better grasp of the emotions involved in this whole business of forgiveness. One of the troubles of forgiveness is understanding where em
Feb 26, 2017 Caroline rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An excellent and very readable book on forgiveness and healing
Sep 15, 2016 Xiomara rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Soooo gooood. Must read! so glad I stumbled into this one, came at the right time.
May 07, 2015 Leila rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
"Nobody can make you forgive.
Only a free person can choose to live with an uneven score.
Only free people can choose to start over with someone who has hurt them. Only a free person can live with accounts unsettled. Only a free person can heal the memory of hurt and hate.
When you forgive another person you are surprised at your own freedom to do what you did. All the king's armies could not have forced you to do it. You forgive in freedom and then you move on to greater freedom. Freedom is stre
Feb 11, 2016 Nmdb22 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I gave this book 4 stars, not for the writing - not well written - but for the one liners and helpful suggestions that seemed to make sense. It is not profound; not a deep treatment of the topic; and though written by a religious figure, is not overly religious. I liked the title "...Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve" and the way the concept is broken down in simple terms. The chapter headings and categories were more useful than the examples and narrative. It helped me.
Azimah  Othman
Jul 28, 2008 Azimah Othman rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A must for those who need to come out from big time dissappointment or betrayal as one whole and to understand what forgiving really is. Forgiving does not mean condoning or saying that it's alright to hurt others. It is really for the forgiver to heal. It does not matter whether the forgiven knows it or not.
Aug 04, 2015 Carole rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read an article recently on forgiveness and this book was referenced several times so I decided to read this and delve deeper into the study of forgiveness. It's interesting and worth reading for just about anyone, since the message of forgiveness is something we all need to hear, but a little repetitive.
Nov 06, 2014 Kendra rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
If you're looking for a formula for how to forgive, this isn't the book for you. Smedes goes a bit deeper, allowing for unresolved questions, messy resolutions, and the ache of the human condition, while offering hope for a journey that moves forward, rather than staying stuck.
Melissa Sandoval
I really enjoyed the theology in this book and it had some helpful and enlightening points about forgiveness , which I believe everyone could benefit from . A little too much repetition with the examples used . Could have used a bit more variety. Short read , but enjoyable .
Oct 13, 2007 Debby rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Those desiring freedom from hurt
Shelves: haveread
This book was life altering for me, releasing so much anger towards others who have intentionally or unintentionally caused me pain. It paved the way for me to truly forgive others, as God intends us to.
There were only two chapters that really applied to me. The others were helpful when seeing life through other's perspectives.
Jan 12, 2015 Jessica rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Really great book! Clear, concise, and relatable. Smedes really hits the heart of the matter. A necessity on any forgiveness journey.
Dec 23, 2013 Hope rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A wonderful book when you need to forgive someone who doesn't seem "worthy" of forgiveness. I especially liked the idea that forgiving is the STRONG response rather than the WEAK (wimpy) one.
Oct 25, 2014 Sarah rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Lewis Smedes holds a lot of anger. He has dealt with a lot in his past, but he should not be writing a book on forgiveness when it seems he has not truly grasped the concept himself.
Lots of good stuff in this book. It didn't give me the 3 step program I was hoping for that would solve all my problems, but it was good.
Dec 16, 2007 Kellie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
teaches you to forgive yourself and others
Timothy Bosso
Aug 13, 2012 Timothy Bosso rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: theology
Very good book on forgiveness. Excellent insight on the whole issue not just the topic of the wrong doer and the wronged.
Jan 13, 2009 Fishsanwitt marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
from Library Thing list
Jun 22, 2010 Michael rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Read several years ago. Good book to read on the importance and necessity of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a daily need for all of us: forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.
Heather Palacios
so far, the author's words are simple, thoughtful & poignant
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Lewis Benedictus Smedes (1921 — December 19, 2002) was a renowned Christian author, ethicist, and theologian in the Reformed tradition. He was a professor of theology and ethics for twenty-five years at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. His 15 books, including the popular Forgive and Forget, covered some important issues including sexuality and forgiveness.

Lewis Benedictus Smede
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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” 175 likes
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