The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence

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The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence

by Rachel Simmons (Goodreads Author)

3.62 of 5 stars 3.62 · rating details · 382 ratings · 120 reviews

Bestselling author of Odd Girl Out, Rachel Simmons exposes the myth of the Good Girl, freeing girls from its impossible standards and encouraging them to embrace their real selves

In The Curse of the Good Girl, bestselling author Rachel Simmons argues that in lionizing the Good Girl we are teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and...more Bestselling author of Odd Girl Out, Rachel Simmons exposes the myth of the Good Girl, freeing girls from its impossible standards and encouraging them to embrace their real selves

In The Curse of the Good Girl, bestselling author Rachel Simmons argues that in lionizing the Good Girl we are teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and potential. Unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless, the Good Girl is a paradigm so narrowly defined that it's unachievable. When girls inevitably fail to live up- experiencing conflicts with peers, making mistakes in the classroom or on the playing field-they are paralyzed by self-criticism, stunting the growth of vital skills and habits. Simmons traces the poisonous impact of Good Girl pressure on development and provides a strategy to reverse the tide. At once expository and prescriptive, The Curse of the Good Girl is a call to arms from a new front in female empowerment.

Looking to the stories shared by the women and girls who attend her workshops, Simmons shows that Good Girl pressure from parents, teachers, coaches, media, and peers erects a psychological glass ceiling that begins to enforce its confines in girlhood and extends across the female lifespan. The curse of the Good Girl erodes girls' ability to know, express, and manage a complete range of feelings. It expects girls to be selfless, limiting the expression of their needs. It requires modesty, depriving the permission to articulate their strengths and goals. It diminishes assertive body language, quieting voices and weakening handshakes. It touches all areas of girls' lives and follows many into adulthood, limiting their personal and professional potential.

Since the popularization of the Ophelia phenomenon, we have lamented the loss of self-esteem in adolescent girls, recognizing that while the doors of opportunity are open to twenty-first-century American girls, many lack the confidence to walk through them. In The Curse of the Good Girl, Simmons provides a catalog of tangible lessons in bolstering the self and silencing the curse of the Good Girl. At the core of Simmons's radical argument is her belief that the most critical freedom we can win for our daughters is the liberty not only to listen to their inner voice but also to act on it.

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Hardcover, 288 pages

Published August 25th 2009 by Penguin Press HC, The (first published July 23rd 2009)

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Jul 23, 2012 Laura rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, read-2012

work in progress.

This is tough. It's easy to say -- "I'm okay with people not liking me." Or "Oh, bec. I'm not a good girl, that's why people don't like me." I know, bec. for the most part I don't care what people think of me. And yet I find myself doing some of these things. Reading this book, I suddenly observed "good girl" interactions everywhere. On one occasion, I was distracted and slow to answer a question from another female. The other woman got upset and left the room. I had just met h...more work in progress.

This is tough. It's easy to say -- "I'm okay with people not liking me." Or "Oh, bec. I'm not a good girl, that's why people don't like me." I know, bec. for the most part I don't care what people think of me. And yet I find myself doing some of these things. Reading this book, I suddenly observed "good girl" interactions everywhere. On one occasion, I was distracted and slow to answer a question from another female. The other woman got upset and left the room. I had just met her and started thinking -- do I play the "good girl" to keep the peace or do I let the situation play out. She came back into the room and asked me what was wrong. I said that I had been in a work session all day and now that it was 10 minutes to the end of the session my mind was on leaving. This seemed to upset her even more. I've decided to think she was at the end of a long day also. However, this interaction will be in my thoughts the next time we work together.

Good girls give their power away to keep the peace. Reading the book, I kept thinking - what's the solution? And the simple conclusion seems to be - don't give your power away. And yet, I think there can be real consequences. We all know girls can shun an uncooperative girl. But it's more than that piece. There are real consequences for speaking your voice - take the Heidi/Howard Roizen example. The same business case study was given to students only the names were changed. More students liked Howard and wanted to work for him. Students of both genders were harsher in their perception of Heidi. Not so likable and more importantly less likely to be hired.
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Without practice - women aren't that good at speaking their voice. Not caring what other people think of you is a lot different than staying true to your voice.

While women continue to excel in school, they are not breaking the glass ceiling at the workplace.

Simmons presentation is difficult for me - bec. her presentation made things black and white. And every good girl knows how to play the grey. And even in her black and white delivery, she seems to miss discussing the real consequences and then how to address them. The book provides many examples of Good Girls. Once it's pointed out, it's all too easy to see. (less)

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Apr 24, 2012 Alison rated it 5 of 5 stars

Wow. I never write reviews but really felt to need to for this one so forgive me if it is a bit choppy.

This is such a great book for anyone with a daughter or works with adolescent girls. This book talks about the pressure young girls (and women) face to be a "good girl", one who is always nice and selfless, and how being that "good girl" actually leads to a loss of self and empowerment.

The author first makes her case against the Good Girl. Discussing how in her attempt to always be nice, girl...more

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Mar 20, 2010 Betty rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: life-coach

I more or less scanned the book to mine for useful bits. It's more applicable to the teenager set but did get some good ideas to think about, especially when modeling your own behavior for your daughter. How a mom uses/expresses her own feelings and communicates in her relationships become part of the "emotional management" repertoire for your daughter. And how parents manage and affirm their daughter's emotions can help build self-worth and confidence. As you develop your self as a person it's...more

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Mar 07, 2010 Lara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Original review here: http://lalakme.blogspot.com/2009/09/c...

Shortly before the big move, TLC Book Tours contacted me about reviewing The Curse of the Good Girl by Rachel Simmons on my blog. My first inclination was to say, "No, thank you. Too much on my plate right now." But then I read the book's description and, as a mother of girls, I thought I shouldn't pass up the opportunity.

When Joel and I first turned the key in our new home, the book was already waiting for me to begin reading.

As I st...more

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Oct 19, 2009 Rachel rated it 4 of 5 stars

When I first started reading this, I couldn't relate at all. Who are these girls and why are they acting this way??

Then I realized that while I don't have "the curse of the good girl", it totally explains why I have had problems working in all female environments and relating to most women; they have the "curse".

I especially enjoyed the chapter about education. When I was a teacher I was on both ends of the issues related to the curse-parents who would complain that their child didn't think I...more

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Oct 16, 2009 Lacey N. rated it 3 of 5 stars

Even though I'm not a mother, I was a adolescent girl at one point in my life and I am, of course, a daughter. I am also a former public school teacher and I instantly recognized many of the girls in Rachel Simmons' THE CURSE OF THE GOOD GIRL: RAISING AUTHENTIC GIRLS WITH COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE. The often contradictory quest to be the ultimate "good girl"--soemone who is universally liked, always amiable and willing to play by the rules -- is supressing girls' abilities to develop themselves as...more

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Aug 22, 2009 Nancy Mehegan rated it 5 of 5 stars

The Curse of the Good Girl"" by Rachel Simmons

Do Naughty Girls Go Far?

I wish I had this book when I as 14 years old! High School seemed a blur of emotions and a feeling of overwhelm.

Good Girl Myth

Simmons exposes the “myth of the Good Girl”—a paradigm characterized by being unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless—arguing that we are teaching our girls in ways that limit their power and potential.

Girls Give Away Their Power

Society provides confusing messages to girls. As young children gir...more

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Mar 11, 2011 Sherri rated it 3 of 5 stars

I recommend this book to any woman who has a daughter or works with girls in middle school and high school. It's a bit tedious, but was worth finishing. I will pull this out again when my daughter is a little older, and will use the workbook section at the end to help guide her through dealing with conflict and with relationships with peers and adults. The section on being a role-model mother versus a "perfect" mother was a good reminder that we are our daughters' first and most-important role m...more

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Jan 18, 2011 John rated it 4 of 5 stars

In today's hyper-sexualized, media-driven world, it's my opinion that parents of girls have a much harder time of it than parents did even a decade ago. And for me, without any sisters, the first-time experience of living with a middle-school-aged daughter makes me realize that I know no more about them today than I did 30 years ago.

The Curse of the Good Girl is a readable, down-to-earth look at raising girls. I didn't agree with all of its assessments (it's hard for me, for example, to separate...more

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Feb 24, 2010 Michelle rated it 2 of 5 stars

While I wholeheartedly support the overarching theme of Simmons’ book, I’m afraid she makes several rather naïve (and at times downright irritating) mistakes with this particular work. Page 10 is perhaps what makes this book worthwhile. Specifically, Simmons’ explains what she means by the distinction between a Real Girl:

“A Real girl stays connected to a strong inner core of her thoughts feelings, and desires. she is able not only to listen to who she is but to act on it. She maintains a critic...more While I wholeheartedly support the overarching theme of Simmons’ book, I’m afraid she makes several rather naïve (and at times downright irritating) mistakes with this particular work. Page 10 is perhaps what makes this book worthwhile. Specifically, Simmons’ explains what she means by the distinction between a Real Girl:

“A Real girl stays connected to a strong inner core of her thoughts feelings, and desires. she is able not only to listen to who she is but to act on it. She maintains a critical balance: she can manage the needs of others without sacrificing the integrity of her own. A real girl can defend her interests in a relationship or advocate on her own behalf. Where a GoodGirl might meet someone and automatically hope she is likable, a Real Girl will reflect on what she thinks and feels about the other person before deciding what to do next.
A Real Girl also maintains a balanced self-concept. Her aspirations unfold within a realistic awareness of personal limits. A Good Girl, whose identity is defined by appearances, tends to expect the unreasonable. She is often shattered by a mistake. Her investment in image curbs a taste for risk and adventure. A Real Girl, by contrast, can face her own blemishes, however painful; her limits and mistakes are as much a part of her as anything else. She has, quite literally, a sense of self.” (Simmons, 2009, p. 10).

I completely agree with the above statements. Yes, it reads like a manifesto but then that is basically what it is. However, the rest of the book Simmons takes a serious nosedive into broad assumptions, vague interpretations, and wild predictions about the future ignoring a large body of empirical evidence. For example, on page 9, she reports that within 10 years the number of females leaders will be fewer, only 1/3 of business school students will be girls, and between 75 and 90 percent of women will be in the ‘caring’ professions, but her citation for these numbers is not what I would qualify to be credible.

I think what Simmons misses, is that a lot of what she is advocating (for lack of a better word) against is developmentally normal group mentality of adolescent females and a lot of the related issues become resolved as a young woman reaches her mid to late 20s, 30s and on. Obviously, this is not true for all women, but I think it is true for this woman.

Ending on a positive note, however, I think that this book’s correct audience is adolescent girls. There are a lot of anecdotes and individual stories that girls can relate to, there are a number of activities that appear to have some value for a young lady who is learning to understand her emotional responses/experiences.
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Jan 23, 2013 Emily rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review was much more self-reflective than most, so I decided to move most of it over to my blog...come check it out!

Since I recently started working with the young women in my church, I thought this book might help me know some of the pressures they're facing from society and give me some tools to combat them. What I didn't expect was that I would see so much of myself in Ms. Simmons's book.

I spent a good deal of my growing up years, well into college, inordinately concerned with how I was...more

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Apr 29, 2012 Gwen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Recommended to Gwen by: Goodreads

Shelves: feminism

As a 20-something childfree woman, I am clearly not the target demographic for this book--but now I completely recognize the vestiges of my "Good Girl" adolescence. A good chunk of this book reiterates things I've read elsewhere (especially in Frankel's "Good Girls Don't Get the Corner Office), but the action items give me concrete steps forward to fully break out of this persona.

1) Dealing with conflict/confrontational situations (188-189):
-Affirm the relationship
-Use an "I statement"
-Say your...more As a 20-something childfree woman, I am clearly not the target demographic for this book--but now I completely recognize the vestiges of my "Good Girl" adolescence. A good chunk of this book reiterates things I've read elsewhere (especially in Frankel's "Good Girls Don't Get the Corner Office), but the action items give me concrete steps forward to fully break out of this persona.

1) Dealing with conflict/confrontational situations (188-189):
-Affirm the relationship
-Use an "I statement"
-Say your contribution
-Ask how you can solve this together

2) Facing criticism (199):
-Criticism DOES NOT mean someone is upset with you personally
-Mistakes DO NOT define you as an individual. Critique of work is not a critique of self (217).

3) Taking risks:
-"The essence of risk is the unknown. You try something without knowing if you'll get it right. You depart from what is comfortable, and in this way, break your own rules. Good Girls, who are expected to follow rules and appear perfect, are taught to make little room for risk....Playing it safe is a self-reinforcing habit: the more comfortable girls become with taking the easy road, the more terrifying failure will become--and the more they will want to play it safe." (222)

4) Modesty:
-"Good Girl pressure creates impossible expectations of being both flawless and modest in proportions unspecified." (230)

5) The rules of relationships:
-Not everyone is going to like you.
-Friendship is one of many possible relationships in life.
-When truth and friendship cannot coexist, get rid of the friendship.

6) "The need to focus on how you seem to others, rather than who you are, is the Curse of the Good Girl in action. The curse persists despite the many accomplishments of the movement for gender equality. It constrict the full bloom of personhood in girls, telling them that only so much of who they are will be accepted: the girl who feels only Good feelings, who does everything flawlessly and without error, who unfailingly puts other before herself." (250)(less)

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Jan 04, 2010 Shannon rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved Simmons' other novel, and this one was also quite good. Referencing Aaron Beck and Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, two researchers whose work was crucial for my thesis concerning depressive symptoms in early adolescent girls, gives her bonus points. I think the following line from her book sums it up nicely: When kindness comes at the expense of truth, it is not a kindness worth having, and when generosity leads to silence or abuse, it is not a generosity worth giving.

The curse is very real and f...more

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Jul 28, 2011 Sarah added it

Shelves: womens-studies, nonfiction

This is an excellent book and I would highly recommend it to all parents of teen girls, as well as young women themselves. While Simmons is talking about teens, I saw a lot of myself in her descriptions of relentless perfectionism, repressed anger, and obsessive people pleasing and I'm 26. While the emotions are defiantly heightened during the teen years, these messages and behaviors continue well into adulthood. This makes the first half of this book a must read.

The second half of the book is...more

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Mar 22, 2011 Christine Lee rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is primarily about adolescent girls but it totally kicked my 38 (soon to be 39) year old butt! She talks about how we raise girls to be "Good Girls," conflict avoidant, people pleasers who feel they have to choose between relationship and speaking the truth, avoid taking risks b/c of a fear of failure, unable to receive critical feedback w/o it being a blow to their self-worth, and how girls are often handicapped going into adulthood by a limited emotional and relational range. Rachel...more

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Jul 21, 2012 Sandee rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Well I wanted to read this book as a parent of an eleven year old daughter but unfortunately my psychology degree got in the way. I found myself constantly critiquing instead. Essentially this is a regurgitation of cognitive theory and the strategies, techniques, and assumptions can be applied any population. The very same structured exercises and thought distortions in the book are the same ones I use when working with the male inmate population. So I didn't really learn anything new. There wer...more

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Mar 04, 2011 Megan rated it 5 of 5 stars

Every woman, regardless if she is a teacher or a mother of a daughter, must read this book. Rachel Simmons sheds light to the problem with good girls...they are so concerned with being what society, their peers, their teachers, and their own selves deem "good" that they are unable to take risks or learn from failure. We highlight those "good" qualities in girls, yet we celebrate those who are dynamic, vivacious, and have the ability to lead. Rachael describes this societal issue at home and in s...more

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May 17, 2012 Katie rated it 2 of 5 stars

I don't know...Even after reading the first few pages I was just feeling like none of it was true, or at least, not here. I can't think of a single person like that, and it seems the 'popular' girls are the opposite of what the list at the beginning says! and then later I realized it was talking about a group of annoying backstabbing girls (possibly not as extreme as the samo ones rmv) but they had issues talking about their real feelings and truly expressing themselves, etc. So it's not a bad b...more

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Mar 31, 2010 Sherry Porter rated it 3 of 5 stars

I have read a few chapters... it is a difficult read for me. There is a lot of good information that makes me cringe but it is mixed in with a lot of words. So far, the book has explained that girls are taught to avoid conflict and to stuff their feelings if they are not socially appropriate. As a result, "good girls" excel in school and often hold leadership positions but when they are set out in the real world they don't know how to find their way. They often settle for what is expected and no...more

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Oct 05, 2009 Brittiany rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

I was really interested in reading this book when I saw it in the First Reads section. When I got to it, I was a bit disappointed. I don't think it helped I went from reading a bunch of suspense/action books to reading a book very much based on research, which is not my usual reading. I found it really hard to get into it, especially since some of the statements made were somewhat offensive. I could relate with the "good girl" in a lot of ways, but like I said, I also found some of her "findings...more

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Nov 29, 2011 Diana Bogan rated it 3 of 5 stars

When I began reading this book I couldn't help but have the same reaction as one of the other reviewers who rated this book. I wondered aloud, "Who are these girls who act like this?" I don't recall acting or being treated in the manner described in this book, nor did I want to consider that either of my two daughters lived in this "good girl" mentality of a world. I admit, I almost bagged the book because I didn't initially identify with the relationship scenarios between teenage girls presente...more When I began reading this book I couldn't help but have the same reaction as one of the other reviewers who rated this book. I wondered aloud, "Who are these girls who act like this?" I don't recall acting or being treated in the manner described in this book, nor did I want to consider that either of my two daughters lived in this "good girl" mentality of a world. I admit, I almost bagged the book because I didn't initially identify with the relationship scenarios between teenage girls presented by the author. But I stuck with it and I am grateful that I finished the book. In hindsight I realize that this book is probably going to be a tremendous tool in helping me understand the behaviour of my two daughters as well as in raising them to be independent women who know how to manage conflict.

I really made a connection with the content presented when I reached the chapter on motherhood and the expectations we place on ourselves to be an ideal mother. From there the book gets into the nuts and bolts of how to talk to your daughters, explore the expectations they have place upon themselves and really key into their emotional well being.

The most pivotal point came when I was reading the book on the couch while my daughter was working beside me on her homework. I read a passage that made me "hmmpf" out loud. It was just one of those things that I hadn't thought of in the manner in which it was presented and it clicked. My daughter asked what caused my reaction and I told her. I had reached the point when the book describes how we have a right to our emotions however we don't have a right to express those emotions in a manner that is negative. My daughter scuttled out of the room shortly after and I could sense she was upset but couldn't figure out why. It seems she took my interest in the passage personally and it became the opening point of a nice discussion about how we handle our feelings, how it's not wrong to have feelings and to share them, as long as we express our emotions in a healthy manner. We thought of examples etc. and she got it. And I got it too.

By the time I finished the book I realized all the elements of good girl thinking and behaviour are not present in both my girls, but some elements are — and both of my girls despite being raised by the same mom exhibit different aspect of good girl thinking. I'm looking forward to keeping this book on hand to help me open up a dialogue with my daughters and I'm hoping that when they are teenagers I might have a better understanding at how to help them work through social interactions with others.

I do recommend moms with daughters to read this book. And actually, I'm passing a copy on to the father of my kids and asking him to refrain from using 'good girl' as a generic compliment for just about everything they do. (less)

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Oct 19, 2009 Joan rated it 5 of 5 stars

I went into this book thinking I used to be a good girl, but I realized, I wasn't really a good girl in my late teens and early twenties, I was just very immature and didn't really grow up until late. I think I've matured very much in the last three years and what this book taught me about being a self-described good girl and how to change that, also taught me about how to be a "real" mother to a daughter if I ever have kids. I think I'm more assertive now though, though I think I did and still...more

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Jul 06, 2011 Leigh rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult-books

Geez, this is me. Maybe I can prevent my daughter from some of my bad tendencies.

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Nov 29, 2010 Erika rated it 4 of 5 stars

Really helpful book. Altho my daughter is only 8 & I'm not having to deal with this stuff quite yet I read this book because I'd heard about the author from friends. Thought this one was much better than her first one because it gave so many ways to help your daughter with the issues they have in middle & high school. Love the exact steps to take, what to say when your daughter comes home from school in tears or confused. I'm sure I'll be referring back to this book when the time comes a...more

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May 02, 2012 Laura rated it 3 of 5 stars

I thought this book had a lot of good information in the beginning and in the end, but got a little repetitive and boring for me in the middle. I did like the issues she brought up about how girls "work" in relationships and inappropriately treat all relationships as friendships, how they talk, and their self-talk. It was an interesting read to me as both a mother of two girls and also as a woman myself. I really liked her section at the end about how mothers are grown up versions of "good girls...more

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Dec 20, 2011 Jessi rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: audiobook, non-fiction, unfinished, self-help

I stopped listening to this part way through, but not because I didn't enjoy it. The second portion is tips on working with your daughter to overcome the curse of the good girl and I felt it repeated much of what I already learned and I don't have a daughter. Still, the book was excellent and address an idea that has been bothering me in the back of my mind and which I could rarely put words to. I think I have The Curse of the Good Girl. The Curse is essentially a tension between conflicting soc...more

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Apr 07, 2010 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-club

The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons.

Published in 2009 by Random House.

I have been reading this book for several months. I keep finding new truths that remind me of my personal journey, through self exploration and through life. Most exceptional, is how much of what this author speaks of that can be applied to SO many women- women I know, women I'm related to, women with whom I work, women whose work I've read, women I treat as patients. I fee...more The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons.

Published in 2009 by Random House.

I have been reading this book for several months. I keep finding new truths that remind me of my personal journey, through self exploration and through life. Most exceptional, is how much of what this author speaks of that can be applied to SO many women- women I know, women I'm related to, women with whom I work, women whose work I've read, women I treat as patients. I feel that most all women of this time and place could find something relatable in this discussion.

The book is an exploration of the complicated messages girls are receiving from society, from their families, from their teachers and from their friends. To be a "good girl", we must honor others' feelings before our own, diminish our grievances to avoid conflicts, avoid confrontation so as not to seem mean spirited, and thus promote dishonesty with each other and with ourselves.
This of course, leads to a suffocating mix of avoidance and frustration in personal relationships, as well as in professional spheres. How many of us have trembled at the idea of saying "That's not right/fair" or "I'm worth more than that" at work? I know I have. Or in relationships, how many of us cry unabashedly at the first sign of a disagreement, thus negating any rationale resolution or productive further discussion?

This author works with girls in leadership workshops that help young women develop their voice and learn ways to communicate that voice more effectively. They learn to develop healthy egos that allow for open communication of their needs/desires/opinions/feelings within all relationships.
What an extraordinary concept! That our families of origin, even those who were nuturing, were also leading us to some pretty toxic behavior. This prevents us from having the confidence and courage to discover who we are and what we want out of life. It does not admonish rule following- instead it offers suggestions for learning to deal with the natural disappointments of life and for finding our own way rather than following only what society proffers.

The practical discussion in the book could most aptly be used by a mother, but I found the discussion to be worthy of self reflection. How many of us, before we raise a girl, need to raise the girl within that may be stagnating in some of these repressive thought patterns?(less)

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Feb 16, 2010 Sara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Sara by: msn

Shelves: 2010, non-fiction, self-help

4.5 stars. I heard about this book on the news, where they made it sound like a study of why girls struggle with trying to be "good", stifling any "bad" emotions to achieve this perfect appearance. The first half of the book is exactly this, giving examples of how girls interact with each other, the pressure from society, peers, and family to be seen as "good", and why many girls do not reach their full potential because of this pressure weighing them down. The second half is full of ways to com...more 4.5 stars. I heard about this book on the news, where they made it sound like a study of why girls struggle with trying to be "good", stifling any "bad" emotions to achieve this perfect appearance. The first half of the book is exactly this, giving examples of how girls interact with each other, the pressure from society, peers, and family to be seen as "good", and why many girls do not reach their full potential because of this pressure weighing them down. The second half is full of ways to combat these feelings, aimed at mothers of these would-be "good girls" but really applicable to anyone who interacts with girls or has ever been a girl.

The first half of the book was, at times, very clinical, with many casual examples of behavior and pressure, but it was also very revealing in the ways that girls act to keep up appearances or to prevent unwanted responses from others. The second half was more of a self-help guide, giving exercises and suggestions for the reader to help girls reach their full potential without falling victim to the "good girl curse". My favorite suggestion was the one about formulating better responses when hurt, first validating the relationship, acknowledging the inner feelings, accepting responsibility for one's part, and then wanting to fix things together. (Maybe I'm not explaining this well here, but it makes good sense in the book) The section about how responding to situations based on assumptions increases tension was also interesting and very true.

I agree with the author that girl are under an extreme amount of pressure to be seen as nice, "good" (whatever that entails...), and agreeable, and while these are certainly admirable traits, they also may fuel inner resentment because they keep real emotions simmering - and growing - inside. This book does a great job of recognizing this and encouraging the reader to help change this behavior. While I don't think this will happen overnight, nor do I think that everyone who should be hearing this message will even pick up this book in the first place, it is definitely a good start and an interesting look at what seems to be an invisible problem.(less)

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Sep 16, 2009 Logan rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is broken in to 2 sections. The 1st 1/2 deals with research concerning self esteem and "good girl" habits that girls (and women) have. The 2nd 1/2 deals with how to correct those issues.

I was more a fan of the 1st half. The scientist in me finds the research part interesting while the sceptic in me rails at the brand of "just follow these simple steps to a new and improved you!" that self help books are selling. I'm not saying that the advice contained within isn't good and/or helpful....more

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Mar 23, 2011 Rachael Lauritzen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

I highly recommend this book. The first part is an examination of what the author labels & defines as "good girl" culture. Nothing earthshattering in itself, but a thorough (not exhaustive) look at habits and trends that you probably have a feel for, but may or may not have thought through. In itself, that is a good thing, it clarifies your awareness of the phenomena described. The second part of the book is far more practical, with sample conversations dissected then followed by examples fo...more

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“Many of the most accomplished girls are disconnecting from the truest parts of themselves, sacrificing essential self-knowledge to the pressure of who they think they ought to be.” — 6 people liked it

“Shame is a virus that creates paralysis in its hosts. When you're busy telling yourself what a bad person you are, you expend most of your energy obsessing over your self- not what you may have done wrong, not what you can do to fix it. For this reason, shame creates a moat around girls' potential. It limits their ability or willingness to face challenges. It makes them want to be alone, isolating them from friends, their most important buffer against stress. Shame is therefore a major threat to girls' resilience.” — 5 people liked it

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title link	preview: The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence
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BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6055995-the-curse-of-the-good-girl?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347687048l/6055995.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6055995-the-curse-of-the-good-girl?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons[/url]

The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence

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