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The Haunted Vagina

3.63 of 5 stars 3.63  ·  rating details  ·  1,077 ratings  ·  251 reviews
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a de
Paperback, Avant Punk Book Club, 100 pages
Published September 18th 2006 by Eraserhead Press (first published 2006)
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The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick IIIBeautiful Cocksucker by Barbara SheridanThe Baby Jesus Butt Plug by Carlton Mellick IIITickle His Pickle! by Sadie AllisonHow to Live with a Huge Penis by Owen_Thomas
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 2,580)
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Why not try something new :)?
What can I say, I got inspired :-D.
(the name of the guy is Steve, I changed it to Paul :))

We have a story,
And a guy name Paul.
He had a girlfriend,
And loved her most of all.

Their love was sweet,
But not so pure
He had a mission -
Her vagina to cure.

Her vajeje made noices,
A whisper, a howl
When it got too spooky
Paul cover her crotch with a towel.

Paul tried to be brave.
He thought he could take more,
But her haunted vagina
Was hard to ignore.

Then came the day
When she made so
Hunger For Knowledge

There is dozens of ways to start a mind rambling (some call them reviews) but I find that with The Haunted Vagina there is only one way.


I wanted to read and try out bizarro fiction and what would be a better way to do so than read something involving a haunted vagina. I like haunting stories. I like vagina too, it is pretty useful organ to have.

I definitely got what I asked for. I got me some weirdness. I got me some very different, well described sexual encounters. The kinds that mak
MJ Nicholls
Do the stories of bizarro books even matter? To an outsider, the whole genre seems to be one extremely tedious oneupmanship contest for the most eyecatching title—whoever writes The Haunted Vagina wins the wackiest dude prize, and readers. (And Carlton Mellick III is that winner, hence me). But the friend who plopped this specimen on my lap—eliciting honks of laughter from the surrounding nerds—was on a mission to convince me the bizarro genre was more than embarrassing titles like Fuckers of Ev ...more
What a fun romp through Stacy's vagina. Who knew it would turn into such a heartwarming love story? The alternate universe between Stacy's legs is just as mesmerizing and amazing as Wonderland and the Emerald city. It's funny and beautifully written.

I also enjoyed Carlton Mellick's The Menstruating Mall. It's refreshing to know of a man not afraid to explore the female mystique in such an up close and personal way.

Carlton, thank you for this one-of-a-kind story.I look forward to reading ALL of
Happy Valentines Day!!

This little book was made available for free this weekend by Eraserhead (or Avant Punk, or however this whole incestuous Bizzaro world is organized) as a pdf, so I thought what better way to spend Valentines Day evening, when normal people are out on dates or fucking or whatever it is people do who have relationships with other people, than to read a love story about a boy and a girl with ghosts living in her cooter.

A fun read, I agree with some other reviewer that it cou
Heather C
May 22, 2012 Heather C rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommended to Heather C by: Sparkle
Now THAT was one fucked up story! Definitely not something I would normally read but I have to admit it WAS a twisted, gross, fucked up way. Please don't ask me to plot review; I don't think I can.

ETA: Alright, so after thinking about this story some more and reading other reviews, I've realized that I saw this story totally differentlyfrom most of those other readers and I have come to the conclusion (with some assistance) that that is totally the point. To be able to interpret
I liked the book, although it was weird as hell. It's certainly open to interpretation. I'll be interested in what I think if I can remember to read it again in a year or 5. Right now, I'm seeing it as a horror love story, a man's complete emasculation due to love - not lust. It was very well done, too. The few characters felt real, even in the weird situation.

Don't read the spoiler unless you've read the book. Seriously, it only takes a couple of hours & is well worth it. What you get out o
Zachary Jernigan
Sometimes, you just go for the thing you feel you're least likely to find merit in, and you're delightfully surprised by the result.

This is not one of those times.

Jesus, this is a stupid, stupidly written book. I mean, the content itself -- eh, who really cares? I'm not a prude, so I couldn't care less about the sex and violence. The writing itself, and the obsessive insistence on being stupid, however, makes me think Mellick's parents validated his interests instead of doing the wise thing and
David Barbee
The Haunted Vagina is a pretty straightforward romance story. Steve and Stacy are together. Steve loves Stacy to death, but her vagina creeps him out. So she sends him inside her vagina to find out what’s in there. Turns out there’s a surreal little biosphere in there, with lots of inhabitants, one of which is a weird cartoony girl named Fig, who soon takes a liking to Steve and doesn’t want him to leave Stacy’s vagina…

Okay, so it’s not very typical, but it’s still straightforward. Carlton Melli
Kris Lugosi
This book is my first introduction into the mind of one Mr. Carlton Mellick III. This story is short and quick but doesn't leave any unanswered questions. From the beginning, our main character is a man who declares his love for this quirky chic named Stacey. Stacey, for lack of a better term is rather harsh in her emotions and selfish in her endeavors and for whatever reason our guy falls for her and hard. Despite lack of sex and a terrifying phobia of Stacey's vagina (rig
Bob Milne
This week's WTF Friday read actually originated with an offer Carlton Mellick III made on Facebook, offering up a pair of titles for review. The first of those, The Haunted Vagina, is one of his older tales, and one I'd already had my eye on, so that's where we'll begin.

"I was scared to have sex with Stacy ever since I discovered her vagina was haunted."

That, right there, has got to be one of the best opening lines in the history of weird fiction. As a statement it's simple and straightforward,
Karl Wiggins
Well, that was a bit mad, wasn’t it?

Errrmmm ….. okay …. er ….. authors, take this with however many grains of salt you like, but if your book has a really boring title - like say, ‘Remember Me’ (I found 81 books with that title, and 256 books with that phrase in the title), then you’re going to have to work a lot harder at promoting your book.

I choose that example, by the way, because in 2007 Virginia Quarterly Review listed the ten most common words found in book title submissions that they rec
Kenya Wright



This book did not disgust me... although there were times when I flinched... and was definetly taken aback! lol!


I have no idea how to review this book.

I don't have any things that irked me about this book... oh wait I do... it kind of ended sadly and almost aburptly, but then I don't know how much more I wanted to explore the vagina so.... maybe it ended right on time.


truthfully, you just have to read this book for yourself.

It is well written....

But you are eit
Mistik | I ♥ Monster Fkery |
It was going no where and a bit gross. "in sixty-nine position, it's a bit awkward. I'm on top this time and her legs are closed"

...what? Why would they be closed!!!

Then and here comes my gag reflux "my tongue scratches against wiry black pubic hair while searching for her glowworm"


"Stacy spreads her lips out farther. I help her, pushing the labia apart, peering in. The hole might be wide at the opening but...I dig my hand inside..."

I mean, what else can I say.
Christy Stewart
So cute and sweet, I loved it.

I want a haunted vagina.
High five, for Steve! The boyfriend who dived into his girlfriend’s vagina, to kick some skeleton ass and found true love in there for himself. Yes the vagina is a mysterious and powerful place.

I had moments of “wtf am I reading?” It could possibly be the strangest book yet. Strangely delicious and lots of fun. An imagination on a rampage through a woman’s vagina. I love that a man wrote this. Praise to him. What a brave man to delve in so deeply.

So how does ones vagina become haunted? Hmmm int

Chances are if you saw the word “haunted” and “vagina” and were immediately intrigued, curious, or your interest was piqued in any way, Bizzaro fiction is the genre for you.

For those not yet inundated into the literary movement known as Bizarro, it was created ten years ago by small publishing presses and a strong group of devoted authors. It has been described by its creators as, “Franz Kafka meets John Waters”, “Dr. Suess of the post-
Who would have thought that there could be a love story wrapped in a love story in a haunted stretchy vagina? Are you confused yet? Good! This is a story not to be missed.

Deep down everyone just wants to be loved, accepted for who they are and are scared to be alone forever.

This story goes to show that most people will do anything for someone that they really love. It goes to show that if someone truly loves you and wants to be with you that they will accept you even if you have something that
Okay, so you expect a book with a title like this one, written by the king of the Bizarro fiction movement, which is like the hardcore underground punk of genre fiction, to be gross, insane, surreal. And this book is all those things. What you don't expect it to be is actually tender and even a little touching? I add the question mark because I still can't really believe it myself. But this tale of a fantastic world inside of a woman's vagina is actually sort of touching and sweet. What amazed m ...more
This is not at all what I expected but with Carlton you never know what to expect and that's what makes him a true bizarro legend. There are some laugh out loud moments throughout The Haunted Vagina but overall this is a story that is highly entertaining and yes bizarre

What else would you expect from Carlton? The pages fly by and it is a quick read but it's never boring. Even though the book is about a vagina that's supposedly haunted the ending was quite moving and really surprised me.

The Ha
Britta ★ Nachteule ★
Project Alice in Wonderland 983567.0!

I'm Professor Nachteule and so glad you could come to my project.
Unfortunately, there were some... difficulties along the way to plan this project.
See... Alice is stuck on a tea party with the Mad Hatter and March Hare,

Cheshire Cat had a dentist appointment,

the white rabbit had no time (Does he ever have?)

and the supermarket was out of rabbitholes.

But don't worry, foresighted as I am, I've brought some replacements. We just have to improvise a little bit!
May 25, 2011 Kaethe marked it as to-read
For the title alone, I must list this.
I don't know what possessed me(see what I did there) to read this. Every now and again, I just get a hankering to read weird stuff. This seemed to fit the bill.

Stacy has a haunted vagina. Yes, her vagina makes spooky noises and even had a skeletal figure emerge from it. Steve, being the ever helpful and loving boyfriend has agreed to help Stacy with her paranormal pussy and investigates the "depths" of her problem.

I was going in to this book expecting this

and then this

but what I got was unexpect
Kirsten Alene
My first introduction to Mellick's writing was also among the first Bizarro pieces I read, a short story called "Candy-Coated" about a man with a lollipop head. Since reading this story I have been in love with his writing and the worlds he is able to create. I still have several to read, but this is by far my favorite of his books so far.

"The Haunted Vagina" begins as a strange, awkward tale of a man's journey into his girlfriend's vagina. Her vagina is the portal to a self-contained world wit
Made in DNA
What if your girlfriend's vagina were haunted? Would you, if it were possible, climb into her body to investigate the strange noises? Furthermore, what if you discovered a whole world deep inside her womb, would you arm yourself with energy bars and a gun to explore? Steve does. It turns his world inside out.

This is a classic work of bizarro (strange) fiction. CM3 is a powerful storyteller with some brain-imploding ideas. This is the third novel of his I have, and it was, by far, his best work t
Jacqueline Hjorth
"This will be fun" I told myself. I thought a book called The Haunted Vagina would be ridiculous in the fun way. It wasn't. It was ridiculous in the wildly uncomfortable way. What the fuck did I just read? Can you rate something 0 stars? This was terrible. This was the worst reading-experience of my life, and yet I want to see if all his other books are just as idiotic as they sound. No, I tell my morbid curiosity, do not buy them, do not support this ridiculous author who makes money of writing ...more
This romantic paranormal story is not what most of us refer to as "Smut", but it is a fun read. It was both funny and bizarre at the same time. I laughed at most, and then thought, "What the hell?!?" at other times.

Without giving away any of the story, I will say that I'm not sure if I'm pleased or disappointed about the ending. That's because I didn't get a more detailed clarification of how all of the people in the "other world" came to be where they were or how they got there. And more impor
James Steele
What the f@*k was that?? A woman’s vagina is a portal to another world! What’s the most logical thing to do? Explore it! This book is so absurd it’s unbelievable, maybe even disgusting, but damn it it’s fun. It’s barely a novel; more like a short story with margins so heavily reduced it takes up the page count of a novel without the word count. But Kafka’s Metamorphosis is basically the same thing; that doesn’t make it any less potent a story. It’s a weird, disgusting journey, but it’s so much f ...more
A few months ago, I became Facebook friends with Carlton Mellick III. He seemed like a cool guy, and we have a lot of friends in common.

Shortly after we friended each other, he sent me, out of the blue, a free copy of The Haunted Vagina. "Hey, man, just write a review, is all I ask."

Well: because I am not nearly as adept at technology as some would like to believe, it took me a while, mostly because I couldn't get the epub link he sent me to work on my Nook. (I support Barnes & Noble over Am
Andrew Stone
This book is great fun!

You should read it if you like any of the following:
-Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
-Haunted Houses
-Really cool shit

If you like at least one of the above mentioned things, then this book is for you.
If you do not like any of them, what the hell do you like? (seriously, i'd love to know)

Oh yeah, and there is like social commentary and stuff in here if you are like a more literary type, ya feel?
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Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.

Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock
More about Carlton Mellick III...
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“But we were madly in love! I didn’t even consider leaving her because of her ghost vagina. She meant everything to me. I loved her this >< much! (That means infinitely).” 3 likes
“For three weeks, we slept in the same bed together. We never had sex. We never kissed. We never took off more clothes than our pants. We just dreamed together.

The conversations were brief. We didn’t go on any dates. We didn’t get to know each other. It was just a sleeping arrangement. To her, I was just a stuffed animal with a heartbeat.”
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