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The Haunted Vagina

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3.61  ·  Rating Details ·  1,308 Ratings  ·  291 Reviews
It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a de
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Paperback, Avant Punk Book Club, 100 pages
Published September 18th 2006 by Eraserhead Press (first published 2006)
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(showing 1-30)
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La-Lionne
Why not try something new :)?
What can I say, I got inspired :-D.
(the name of the guy is Steve, I changed it to Paul :))

We have a story,
And a guy name Paul.
He had a girlfriend,
And loved her most of all.

Their love was sweet,
But not so pure
He had a mission -
Her vagina to cure.

Her vajeje made noices,
A whisper, a howl
When it got too spooky
Paul cover her crotch with a towel.

Paul tried to be brave.
He thought he could take more,
But her haunted vagina
Was hard to ignore.

Then came the day
When she made so
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MJ Nicholls
Feb 18, 2012 MJ Nicholls rated it really liked it
Shelves: merkins, novellas
Do the stories of bizarro books even matter? To an outsider, the whole genre seems to be one extremely tedious oneupmanship contest for the most eyecatching title—whoever writes The Haunted Vagina wins the wackiest dude prize, and readers. (And Carlton Mellick III is that winner, hence me). But the friend who plopped this specimen on my lap—eliciting honks of laughter from the surrounding nerds—was on a mission to convince me the bizarro genre was more than embarrassing titles like Fuckers of Ev ...more
✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans)
BR with my MacHalo Freaks, starting Dec. 10, 2015.

This story is supposed to be funny. Watch me laugh:



It should have been funny. I mean, it's about a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead. How could this be anything but hilarious? Such a premise definitely calls for much merriment and revelry. Actually, I think I might be at fault here. Maybe I read it all wrong. Maybe I have no sense of humor. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to like it. Maybe if I'd really put my heart into it
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Sh3lly ✨ Bring on the Weird ✨


This is the weirdest book I have ever read. Some dude finds out his girlfriend's vagina is a doorway to another world. Yep, another world.

So of course, he crawls inside her and explores the world and meets a girl with horns and falls in love with her, after he is forced to remain in the "bizarro" world when his girlfriend in the real world gets pregnant, trapping him there. Apparently, the bizarro world is transferred from mother to child. He wouldn't be able to get out until the child reaches m
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Greg
Feb 14, 2010 Greg rated it liked it
Shelves: fiction
Happy Valentines Day!!

This little book was made available for free this weekend by Eraserhead (or Avant Punk, or however this whole incestuous Bizzaro world is organized) as a pdf, so I thought what better way to spend Valentines Day evening, when normal people are out on dates or fucking or whatever it is people do who have relationships with other people, than to read a love story about a boy and a girl with ghosts living in her cooter.

A fun read, I agree with some other reviewer that it cou
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Tressa
Feb 15, 2010 Tressa rated it it was amazing
Shelves: bizarro, 2010
What a fun romp through Stacy's vagina. Who knew it would turn into such a heartwarming love story? The alternate universe between Stacy's legs is just as mesmerizing and amazing as Wonderland and the Emerald city. It's funny and beautifully written.

I also enjoyed Carlton Mellick's The Menstruating Mall. It's refreshing to know of a man not afraid to explore the female mystique in such an up close and personal way.

Carlton, thank you for this one-of-a-kind story.I look forward to reading ALL of
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Bill
Mar 06, 2016 Bill rated it really liked it
There are voices coming out of Steve’s girlfriends vajayjay. “It was like listening to the ocean in a hairy flesh seashell.” Wtf, is going on down there in Stacy's love oven? Weird. Time to do a little pootie investigation. Get out the spelunking gear and dive head first into the vertical smile. It’s a whole other world up in the lady flower, complete with crafty dinners, spit covered glow worms, melting skeletons and a horny Fig.

Will Stacy ever find out the truth about her hoo-ha? Who could be
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Heather C
May 22, 2012 Heather C rated it really liked it
Recommended to Heather C by: Sparkle
Now THAT was one fucked up story! Definitely not something I would normally read but I have to admit it WAS interesting...in a twisted, gross, fucked up way. Please don't ask me to plot review; I don't think I can.

ETA: Alright, so after thinking about this story some more and reading other reviews, I've realized that I saw this story totally differentlyfrom most of those other readers and I have come to the conclusion (with some assistance) that that is totally the point. To be able to interpret
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Kris Lugosi
POSSIBLE SPOILER....??
This book is my first introduction into the mind of one Mr. Carlton Mellick III. This story is short and quick but doesn't leave any unanswered questions. From the beginning, our main character is a man who declares his love for this quirky chic named Stacey. Stacey, for lack of a better term is rather harsh in her emotions and selfish in her endeavors and for whatever reason our guy falls for her and hard. Despite lack of sex and a terrifying phobia of Stacey's vagina (rig
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Jim
Oct 25, 2014 Jim rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2fiction, fantasy, 1ebook
I liked the book, although it was weird as hell. It's certainly open to interpretation. I'll be interested in what I think if I can remember to read it again in a year or 5. Right now, I'm seeing it as a horror love story, a man's complete emasculation due to love - not lust. It was very well done, too. The few characters felt real, even in the weird situation.

Don't read the spoiler unless you've read the book. Seriously, it only takes a couple of hours & is well worth it. What you get out o
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PirateSteve
Jan 08, 2016 PirateSteve rated it really liked it
Do you like it strange?
How far into the bizarre are you willing to go?

This bizarro genre has for me been extremely hit or miss. I either dislike a book so much that I trash it or I like it very much. I do like The Haunted Vagina.

But how odd is it really that someone hears voices coming from a vagina? I find they communicate rather well... simply pay attention people.
I also find the structure of this book alluring. Yea, I'm thinking this book can be role played by its readers with adventurous
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Bob Milne
Jul 20, 2016 Bob Milne rated it liked it
This week's WTF Friday read actually originated with an offer Carlton Mellick III made on Facebook, offering up a pair of titles for review. The first of those, The Haunted Vagina, is one of his older tales, and one I'd already had my eye on, so that's where we'll begin.

"I was scared to have sex with Stacy ever since I discovered her vagina was haunted."

That, right there, has got to be one of the best opening lines in the history of weird fiction. As a statement it's simple and straightforward,
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David Barbee
Feb 16, 2010 David Barbee rated it it was amazing
The Haunted Vagina is a pretty straightforward romance story. Steve and Stacy are together. Steve loves Stacy to death, but her vagina creeps him out. So she sends him inside her vagina to find out what’s in there. Turns out there’s a surreal little biosphere in there, with lots of inhabitants, one of which is a weird cartoony girl named Fig, who soon takes a liking to Steve and doesn’t want him to leave Stacy’s vagina…

Okay, so it’s not very typical, but it’s still straightforward. Carlton Melli
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Eve Recinella (Between The Bookends)
"It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead." BaHaHaHa....
Ela
Oct 01, 2016 Ela rated it it was ok
Fine piece of imagination!
Karl Wiggins
Dec 06, 2014 Karl Wiggins rated it liked it
Well, that was a bit mad, wasn’t it?

Errrmmm ….. okay …. er ….. authors, take this with however many grains of salt you like, but if your book has a really boring title - like say, ‘Remember Me’ (I found 81 books with that title, and 256 books with that phrase in the title), then you’re going to have to work a lot harder at promoting your book.

I choose that example, by the way, because in 2007 Virginia Quarterly Review listed the ten most common words found in book title submissions that they rec
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11811 (Eleven)
Nov 16, 2011 11811 (Eleven) rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I need to let this one settle in for a few years before I can come up with an intelligible comment.
Christy Stewart
So cute and sweet, I loved it.

I want a haunted vagina.
Kenya Wright
So......

Gosh!

Well...

This book did not disgust me... although there were times when I flinched... and was definetly taken aback! lol!

Ummmmm

I have no idea how to review this book.

I don't have any things that irked me about this book... oh wait I do... it kind of ended sadly and almost aburptly, but then I don't know how much more I wanted to explore the vagina so.... maybe it ended right on time.

Gosh....

truthfully, you just have to read this book for yourself.

It is well written....

But you are eit
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Jacqueline Hjorth
Oct 03, 2014 Jacqueline Hjorth rated it did not like it
"This will be fun" I told myself. I thought a book called The Haunted Vagina would be ridiculous in the fun way. It wasn't. It was ridiculous in the wildly uncomfortable way. What the fuck did I just read? Can you rate something 0 stars? This was terrible. This was the worst reading-experience of my life, and yet I want to see if all his other books are just as idiotic as they sound. No, I tell my morbid curiosity, do not buy them, do not support this ridiculous author who makes money of writing ...more
Kaethe
May 25, 2011 Kaethe marked it as to-read
For the title alone, I must list this.
Cassie-la
Jun 14, 2012 Cassie-la rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2011-reads
REVIEW ALSO ON: http://bibliomantics.com/2011/02/18/a...-...

Chances are if you saw the word “haunted” and “vagina” and were immediately intrigued, curious, or your interest was piqued in any way, Bizzaro fiction is the genre for you.

For those not yet inundated into the literary movement known as Bizarro, it was created ten years ago by small publishing presses and a strong group of devoted authors. It has been described by its creators as, “Franz Kafka meets John Waters”, “Dr. Suess of the post-
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Jody
Feb 11, 2012 Jody rated it really liked it
Shelves: bizarro
High five, for Steve! The boyfriend who dived into his girlfriend’s vagina, to kick some skeleton ass and found true love in there for himself. Yes the vagina is a mysterious and powerful place.

I had moments of “wtf am I reading?” It could possibly be the strangest book yet. Strangely delicious and lots of fun. An imagination on a rampage through a woman’s vagina. I love that a man wrote this. Praise to him. What a brave man to delve in so deeply.

So how does ones vagina become haunted? Hmmm int
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Barbara
Who would have thought that there could be a love story wrapped in a love story in a haunted stretchy vagina? Are you confused yet? Good! This is a story not to be missed.

Deep down everyone just wants to be loved, accepted for who they are and are scared to be alone forever.

This story goes to show that most people will do anything for someone that they really love. It goes to show that if someone truly loves you and wants to be with you that they will accept you even if you have something that
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Michael
Jun 29, 2013 Michael rated it it was amazing
This is not at all what I expected but with Carlton you never know what to expect and that's what makes him a true bizarro legend. There are some laugh out loud moments throughout The Haunted Vagina but overall this is a story that is highly entertaining and yes bizarre

What else would you expect from Carlton? The pages fly by and it is a quick read but it's never boring. Even though the book is about a vagina that's supposedly haunted the ending was quite moving and really surprised me.

The Ha
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DJMikeG
Mar 11, 2011 DJMikeG rated it really liked it
Okay, so you expect a book with a title like this one, written by the king of the Bizarro fiction movement, which is like the hardcore underground punk of genre fiction, to be gross, insane, surreal. And this book is all those things. What you don't expect it to be is actually tender and even a little touching? I add the question mark because I still can't really believe it myself. But this tale of a fantastic world inside of a woman's vagina is actually sort of touching and sweet. What amazed m ...more
Rubi
Amazing book! Weird and brilliant!
I don't give it 5 stars only because it was too short and this plot deserves to be longer!

(view spoiler)

(view spoiler)
...more
Britta ★ Nachteule ★
Project Alice in Wonderland 983567.0!



I'm Professor Nachteule and so glad you could come to my project.
Unfortunately, there were some... difficulties along the way to plan this project.
See... Alice is stuck on a tea party with the Mad Hatter and March Hare,


Cheshire Cat had a dentist appointment,


the white rabbit had no time (Does he ever have?)


and the supermarket was out of rabbitholes.


But don't worry, foresighted as I am, I've brought some replacements. We just have to improvise a little bit!
So
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James
Feb 15, 2015 James rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A few months ago, I became Facebook friends with Carlton Mellick III. He seemed like a cool guy, and we have a lot of friends in common.

Shortly after we friended each other, he sent me, out of the blue, a free copy of The Haunted Vagina. "Hey, man, just write a review, is all I ask."

Well: because I am not nearly as adept at technology as some would like to believe, it took me a while, mostly because I couldn't get the epub link he sent me to work on my Nook. (I support Barnes & Noble over Am
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Rush
I don't know what possessed me(see what I did there) to read this. Every now and again, I just get a hankering to read weird stuff. This seemed to fit the bill.

Stacy has a haunted vagina. Yes, her vagina makes spooky noises and even had a skeletal figure emerge from it. Steve, being the ever helpful and loving boyfriend has agreed to help Stacy with her paranormal pussy and investigates the "depths" of her problem.

I was going in to this book expecting this



and then this



but what I got was unexpect
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Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.

Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock
...more
More about Carlton Mellick III...

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“For three weeks, we slept in the same bed together. We never had sex. We never kissed. We never took off more clothes than our pants. We just dreamed together.

The conversations were brief. We didn’t go on any dates. We didn’t get to know each other. It was just a sleeping arrangement. To her, I was just a stuffed animal with a heartbeat.”
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“Stacy just watches her body in amazement as the hand clutches onto her leg and pulls. Another hand emerges and grabs her other thigh, trying to pull itself out of there.” 2 likes
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