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Sausagey Santa

3.94 of 5 stars 3.94  ·  rating details  ·  216 ratings  ·  38 reviews
For Matthew Fry, inventor of the 'Sly Guy' haircut, life at the North Pole just isn't what he expected. The elves are way too obsessed with playing Dungeons and Dragons, Frosty has a Hitler mustache made of coal, the reindeer have a tendency of exploding for no apparent reason, and Santa is a piratey mutant with a body made of sausages.
Paperback, 112 pages
Published December 19th 2006 by Eraserhead Press (first published 2006)
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Vacation by Jeremy C. ShippJohn Dies at the End by David WongHELP!  A Bear is Eating Me! by Mykle HansenApeshit by Carlton Mellick IIISatan Burger by Carlton Mellick III
18th out of 242 books — 183 voters

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Anthony Chavez
This story kept reminding me of an adult Christmas episode of "Adventure Time with Finn & Jake."

It was amazingly wild, Mellick's imagery, characters and writing were just spot on.

Sausagey Santa is an awesome bizarro reworking of the night before Christmas. Sly Guy Fry, his wild MMA death fighter of a wife named Decapitron, and their children go to bed Christmas Eve after hearing the story of Sausagey Santa, and awaken in the middle of the night to hear Sausagey Santa and his reindeer on the
Kris Kringle was a tyrant who hated children and Jesus, so God punished him by making him Santa Claus -- an immortal doomed to spend eternity giving presents to children all over the world. He hated this so much that he kept attempting suicide but could not die. Finally he put his body through a meat grinder -- but he still could not die. The elves stuffed all his meat into sausage casings and assembled them into the shape of a man, with olives for eyes and walnuts for teeth.

Finally Kris decides
Gary Lee
Whenever you think you've seen/read it all, there is always Carlton Mellick III and the rest of his Bizarro Fiction ilk to take you everywhere you never knew you wanted to go. Put simply, Bizarro Fiction is Science Fiction for people "too cool" to ever admit that they like Science Fiction. Put a bit more esotericly, Bizarro Fiction is the novel equivalent of a Troma film written by a young Peter Jackson, produced by Roger Corman, and directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis.

A woman named Decapitron wh
Dustin Reade
I don't know why, maybe it's the imagery, or the complete bizarro overhaul of Santa Claus and CHristmas in general, but I think this is Carlton Mellick's best book. It is so damn funny I freaked out my three year old laughing out loud like a lunatic one night while reading it. She cried.
If there's one thing that you should take away from Sausagey Santa by Carlton Mellick III, it's probably that you should never marry a woman named Decapitron because she will annihilate you.

"Sly Guy" Matthew Fry is in such a predicament. He marries a dominatrix who calls herself Decapitron, who is also into ultimate fighting by night (you can guess what her signature move is just by her name). But now it's Christmas Eve, and their family is together to share in her Christmas traditions, which in
Grant Wamack
Sausagey Santa is the perfect book to snuggle up with around Christmas. It's jam packed with horny elves, a loveable sausage santa, and a nefarious hitler snowman.

If you're ever looking for a stocking stuffer this is it.
A good retelling of the Santa story. Again, Mellick score on the characters he creates and tells it as though every other Santa movies that comes out is not worth watching. Fun, imaginative and still weird as hell.
This is the second book I have read by Carlton Mellick III. I picked it up because it is a very quick read in between holiday season meals. The first CMIII book I read was Apeshit. This is completely different and gives me a better idea of what bizzaro fiction is all about. While Apeshit was an extreme horror story, it didn't stray very far from the genre in style. Carlton Mellick III serves up a feast of twisted and, yes, bizarre imagination with the most off the wall Christmas tale I have read ...more
Rich Meyer
Simply the best Christmas tale in the history of literature! Everyone should be reading this to their kids during the holiday season.
I'd give it three and a half stars. This is my third foray into the world of CM3, a leading voice in the world of Bizarro fiction. This is a Christmas story, complete with a Santa made of sausage (after a botched suicide attempt), Nazi snowmen, sexually deviant elves, Burt Reynolds movies, and chainsaw angel wings, among other things. The writing in this book is simplistic, which contributes to its breakneck speed. Even though the imagery contained gets more f'd up as the tale progresses, there ...more
Nov 25, 2009 Lori marked it as to-read
Free Download from Eraserhead pub.
Hyperspace panties!
"Sausagey Santa" should be required reading for weird Christmases. It's not quite as short as "The Night Before Christmas" and it's not as long as "A Christmas Carol," but it is long enough to tell a twisted little fable of good vs. evil.

It combines Carlton Mellick III's unique brand of Bizarro, "Santa Claus: The Movie," and that episode of Stargate SG-1 where they fought over Antarctica. It is a really cool concept with fun characters and strange events tied together with a likable everyman. Pl
An absurd little jaunt into Bizarro-land during the yuletide, Christmas, or Jesus’ birthday – whichever you may call it; Carlton Mellick III presents a comical, yet disturbing take on the traditional holiday tale. “Sausagey Santa” is the novel-version of what the best holiday-themed action-movie would be like. Similar to Mellick’s other works, there is method to the madness. The traditional Christmas fairy tale proposes a kind of forced moral value down the throats of families everywhere – the t ...more
Eric Juneau
After I read "Shatnerquake" I was intrigued by the concept of "Bizarro fiction" picked this one since it fit the season. It's even weirder. It's exactly what it says on the tin. Santa is made of sausage. His fingers are Vienna sausages, and his head's a big bratwurst. According to the novel, he was immortal and got sick of living forever. But all his suicide attempts failed. So he fed himself through a meat grinder. This still didn't work so his enslaving elves transformed him into sausage so he ...more
I have no idea why, but I think this was the perfect little slice of Christmas spirit to fall asleep to on Christmas Eve. It was a hell of an adventure, something like an acid trip or (as another reviewer put it,) an episode of Adventure Time. This book had just enough weirdness to satisfy my craving for the unconventional but it still maintained tiny bits and pieces of tradition, albeit bastardized ones.

This was a surprisingly not-so-gory work, and considering CM3's legacy, I kind of missed the
Christmas cracker

A truly top bizzaro Christmas tale from Carlton Mellick III. Sausagey Santa, Nazi snowmen, zombies and elves. Christmas will never be the same again.
I sat down and read this in one sitting, as is so easy to do with Mellick's work. What fun!! I liked this much more than Razor Wire Pubic Hair but not as much as Baby Jesus Butt Plug which I think was much deeper (albeit in a very demented way). It is nothing if not deeply strange, but I enjoyed it -- rollicking good fun, to be sure! My favorite line, by far: "I have no idea what the fuck just happened to my reality." Made me laugh out loud -- I've had moments of thinking like that! Of course, ...more
This is a twisted weird story told in the first person of someone that meets a weird, chewed up version of Santa.
I love Carlton Mellick III and, while this isn't my favourite of his books, it's still good, unholesome fun for the holidays. Bizarro to the core with a coherent story and Mellick's trademark weird world building, Sausagey Santa is a great way to spend an afternoon.
Crazy story, short and sweet :)
I had a blast reading this twisted Christmas tale full of scenes that left me chuckling while shaking my head and saying, out loud, "Wow!!" Mellick has an exciting imagination and writes books I can easily see myself re-reading again down the road and recommending to others. His stories are not for the kiddies but more of a play ground for adults as his covers suggest. I think fans of Heavy Metal magazine and the Heavy Metal animated film will enjoy this trip.
This is definitely a Christmas tale of a different color. "Sausagey Santa" is a bizarro novella complete with a Nazi Snowman, a pirate Santa filled with ground-up meat and horny elves with hyperspace panties. What more can one ask for? Matt "Sly Guy" Fry must help Santa defeat the evil Frosty and save Christmas. Very funny, violent and bizarre. Oh yeah, some zombies show up, as well. I enjoyed this immensely.
Every time I pick up a CM3 book I have no idea what to expect...Every time I finish one, I am always amazed at the kinds of things that come out of this man's brain. I loved this book just like Ive loved all the rest. Fun randomness that never makes sense...Take the craziest stuff you can imagine and then top off with a hit of acid. I dont know how else to describe it! Great stuff Mr Mellick! :)
Bill Glover
Dec 04, 2008 Bill Glover rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: giant killer robots and hormonal elves
Shelves: bizarro, fiction
At 112 pages this book is a very quick read, but it's just the right length for raving, dark humor. If you enjoyed Evil Dead II and Green Jellÿ's Cereal Killer album you'll snort eggnog though your nose when you read this. WARNING: THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR THE REASONABLY OFFENDED (that's roughly double the skin thickness of the easily offended).
This has to be one of the most hilarious and creative books I have ever read. It definitely is an alternative look at Santa Claus I have seen. If you like zombies, elves, ass kicking, freaky sex and warrior women in reindeer suits then this book is for you. I definitely need to get my wife some Hyperspace panties!
David Barbee
With all the complaining by conservatives that there's a "war on Christmas," this book would sort them out right quick. Holiday themed techno-war saving-Christmas adventure that really is for the whole twisted family! This might be my favorite CM3 book.
Sam McCanna
loved the Sly Guy, and his Sly Guy Haircut.... so much like me...

a wonderful christmas read! also, look up Rare Exports, Inc. on the web for two awesome short films that go well with the season!
Craig Rettig
This one was a lot of fun and more of what I imagined the bizarro genre to be like.

Opening line of the book: "I never should have married a woman named Decapitron." Good advice, indeed.
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Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.

Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock
More about Carlton Mellick III...
Satan Burger The Haunted Vagina Apeshit  The Baby Jesus Butt Plug The Cannibals of Candyland

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