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Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death

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Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death

by Irvin D. Yalom

4.05 · rating details · 347 ratings · 59 reviews

Written in Irv Yalom's inimitable story-telling style, "Staring at the Sun" is a profoundly encouraging approach to the universal issue of mortality. In this magisterial opus, capping a lifetime of work and personal experience, Dr. Yalom helps us recognize that the fear of death is at the heart of much of our anxiety. Such recognition is often catalyzed by an "...more

Paperback, 306 pages

Published April 1st 2009 by Jossey-Bass (first published January 1st 2008)

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Dec 05, 2007

Lynn added it · review of another edition

Some smart person, back in the early days of Amazon decided that, while books should be rated on a five-point scale, reviews should be either ‘useful’ or ‘not useful’. Good idea. Something that helps you decide to buy or not-a perfectly binary process-should be judged in a similarly binary fashion. Either it helps or it doesn’t.

A book that makes the immodest claim of helping the reader overcome the terror of death can probably best be judged the same way. Did it help or not?
...more
Some smart person, back in the early days of Amazon decided that, while books should be rated on a five-point scale, reviews should be either ‘useful’ or ‘not useful’. Good idea. Something that helps you decide to buy or not-a perfectly binary process-should be judged in a similarly binary fashion. Either it helps or it doesn’t.

A book that makes the immodest claim of helping the reader overcome the terror of death can probably best be judged the same way. Did it help or not?

In spite of the claim on the cover, most of this book is devoted to Dr. Yalom’s assertion that it is the fear of death that’s at the root of all neurosis. This stands in competition with Freud’s claim that it’s all about sex. Now, even though death is nowhere near as much fun to think about as sex, the argument is intuitively persuasive. Ignoring the obvious can’t lead you anywhere good.
Yalom’s efforts to use this insight in therapy seem both wise and efficacious. The awareness of the inevitability of death is, or at least can be the spur to enjoying life. ‘Death’ as a buddy of mine used to say ‘is your friend’.
The second part of the book-devoted to overcoming one’s own terror is grounded not in therapy, but in philosophy. Specifically, Yalom focuses on the Epicureans and vehemently denies the efficacy of spiritual systems. Then he points to the value of reminding oneself that impermanence is immanent in the universe: Everything changes. But that observation is at the heart of Buddhism, one of the world’s most venerable spiritual traditions. In fact, there’s nothing in Yalom’s consoling philosophy that doesn’t already exist in this religion.
But Yalom’s Buddhism is pretty thin emotional gruel. He allows that ‘the way to value life, the way to feel compassion for others, the way to love anything with greatest depth is to be awware that these experiences are destined to be lost’. He stops short of suggesting that perhaps there is reincarnation or perhaps the death of the self is a necessary prelude to another kind of being.
In the end (so to speak) Yalom shies away from any advice other than the acceptance of the inevitable.
Yes, death is a good reminder about how to live a life, but Yalom leaves the reader unconvinced that life alone can silence the noisy terror of death. But being reminded to live, here and now and in the best way one can at least puts death in its place.
So: is Staring at the Sun helpful or not? Yes, it’s helpful, a tonic for the spirit. But taken with a liberal dose of the Compassionate Buddha, it might be even more effective.

--Lynn Hoffman, author of THE NEW SHORT COURSE IN WINE and
the novel bang BANG. ISBN 9781601640005
(less)

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Dec 29, 2009

Talat rated it

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Recommends it for: You who seek to make death an ally of creativity

Shelves: psychotherapy

Yalom, a psychiatrist (Emeritus Stanford University School of Medicine) has written a manual and memoir to show us how he, his patients and many people have been able to transmute the foreknowledge looming before all humans that we will one day die into a catalyst for consummating one's own life. Yalom directly addresses the question of how can we, even if we are not theists leave our own traces of "immortality."

Although Yalom maintains he is an atheist, he demonstrates a g...more

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Jan 09, 2009

Athena rated it

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“To become wise you must learn to listen to the wild dogs barking in your cellar”

Yalom’s new book about overcoming the terror of death was a surprise to me. Although I have thought about death, I am not afraid of death itself. Even at this age – approaching 50 - my thoughts are mainly consumed with making plans about the future, and definitely not death.

Nevertheless, I read this book with great interest. I was surprised to discover that Yalom refers to the knowledge and t...more“To become wise you must learn to listen to the wild dogs barking in your cellar”

Yalom’s new book about overcoming the terror of death was a surprise to me. Although I have thought about death, I am not afraid of death itself. Even at this age – approaching 50 - my thoughts are mainly consumed with making plans about the future, and definitely not death.

Nevertheless, I read this book with great interest. I was surprised to discover that Yalom refers to the knowledge and tranquillity he found in ancient wisdom, particularly that of ancient Greek philosophers and that of Epicurus especially. I am interested in how the Greek philosophers approached life and its meaning. I have studied – not extensively – Epicurus ideas, but I never, until now, connected them with my perception about life and death. Reading Yalom’s book made me realise how much the philosopher’s powerful ideas as well as other writers’ work – mainly Kazantzakis and Tolstoy – have influenced my thinking on how to face death and how to live.

Despite the extensive references, Yalom should perhaps have explored in more detail Epicurus’ ideas. When I finished chapter four, I had the feeling that something important is missing, something may be untold. Moreover, Epicurus powerful message was somehow lost his importance between the many examples from films, literature and clinical case histories.

I particularly liked Yalom’s way of thinking about paranormal and religious beliefs. As a person that I never believed in any God I hold with Yalom’s line of secular humanism. But, this may be a problem to some readers whose religious and spirituals beliefs are different, and may be add more anxiety and probably confusion to those who are unprepared or spiritually, not strong enough, to accept the idea of emptiness and nothingness after death. That is one more reason of why the philosophers ideas should be presented with a more precise and clear way that would intrigue the reader to go and explore further the philosophers’ writings.

I found very satisfying Yalom’s approach to Freud’s lack of interest or failure to explore death fears. I had always my reservations on Freud’s belief that the origins of neurosis rested on the assumption of conflict between various unconscious, primitive and instinctual forces. Death or the fear of death for Freud could play no role in the genesis of neurosis because we have no personal experience of death and it is impossible to contemplate our nonbeing.

Although it is impossible to contemplate our nonbeing we experience death from a very early age as we don’t fail to have glimpses of mortality everywhere in nature and our surroundings. The interpretation of Epicurus ideas and Yalom’s clinical cases show that humans unconsciously express with a distinguished way their concerns about death. According to Yalom, excessive religiosity, the consuming accumulation of wealth and consumerism, the blind gasping for power and fame are all signs of human’s continuous and wasted fight to mortality.

It was a rather uncomfortable surprise to discover that modern psychiatrists and therapists need also help to deal with the fear of death and in some cases are unable to deal with everyday issues and situations. I am not an expert on psychotherapy and I have never being in counselling or on a therapist’s coach. I am very reluctant to believe that our dreams have some secret meaning or that they reflect our fears. Maybe that is because I rarely remember any of my dreams or maybe because my logic indicates that if you want to find a meaning or a message, you can find anywhere, anyway. I don’t forget that therapists are also humans with their own fears and problems to overcome, but these signs of impotence made me wonder about their effectiveness to make other people feel better. I can’t stop thinking that maybe a long lasting treatment or counselling is just another form of dependence that hampers humans’ free spirit.

Nevertheless, I liked the book and I believe that it can offer a lot of help to many people to face their fears and the anxiety of death. Most importantly, it reminds us that “life is a passing parade”. We will die well when we fulfil our potential, and live a life with meaning, when we “Leave death nothing but a burned out castle.”(less)

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Jan 26, 2011

Hazel rated it

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This is a fantastic book and it has really helped me face my death anxiety. My death anxiety has been terrible for such a long time and nothing has offered any relief until I picked this book up. I am still obsessing about death but I am starting to see it in a new light and my fear is gradually fading and being replaced by a feeling of freedom, I love life and my eyes are open fully.

I have several anxiety disorders but reading this book has shown me that most of my anxiety is down...more

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Jul 10, 2010

Tom rated it

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Dr. Yalom says that everyone, on some level, lives in fear of his own mortality and as that fear manifests in manifold ways it hampers our enjoyment of the moment to moment pleasures of living.

(I'm no expert, but I say if you're one of those claiming not to be freaked out by the prospect of your own end, well, you're just not paying close enough attention to what your subconscious is yelling at you! Think Munch's painting "The Scream".)

The author explores concl...more

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Feb 10, 2010

Khaya rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: therapists in particular, but many people would probably like it

Shelves: professionallit

Yalom frequently poses the following thought experiment to his clients:

Suppose you were told that after your death, you were destined to relive your entire life exactly as it is, with all the same choices and all the same consequences.

1. Would that be a reward or a punishment?
2. What can you do now in your life so that one year or five years from now, you won't look back and feel dismayed about the new regrets you've accumulated?
3. Even if you are subject ...moreYalom frequently poses the following thought experiment to his clients:

Suppose you were told that after your death, you were destined to relive your entire life exactly as it is, with all the same choices and all the same consequences.

1. Would that be a reward or a punishment?
2. What can you do now in your life so that one year or five years from now, you won't look back and feel dismayed about the new regrets you've accumulated?
3. Even if you are subject to forces which seem beyond your control, at least 10% of your life is within your power. How can you find that 10%, and exercise it, so that you're doing whatever is in your power not to create new regrets in the rest of your life?

According to Yalom, most, maybe all, anxiety is related at some level to anxiety about death. The fact that our lives are destined to end means that we have a responsibility, sometimes an overwhelming one, to maximize our time here on earth. That anxiety may be experienced on a conscious level, which can be paralyzing in a variety of ways. It may also be transformed into disproportionate anxiety about something else going on in our lives. Alternatively, people may make desperate and ultimately unproductive attempts to defend against this anxiety, leading to poor choices and impaired functioning.

Yalom offers illustrative clinical examples of clients who presented with different variations of the above, and how he addressed that in therapy. He also discusses the views offered by Epicurus, Nietzsche, and other philosophers which might comfort someone struggling with death anxiety. For example, although Yalom plainly states that he does not believe in an afterlife, he does note that you can live on after your death in the form of having a positive impact on someone who is still alive, which can then help them impact positively on someone else, a phenomenon he calls "rippling." And finally, Yalom's basic response to death anxiety is to live your life here on earth as fully and completely as you can; he believes that the more fulfilled you feel in this life, the less you will dread its end.

Yalom's style in this book is more personal and a bit less polished than usual, which had the effect of making his words sound more heartfelt. This book also includes a chapter with Yalom's personal experiences with, and reflections on, death. Although this chapter did hold my interest for the most part, I found it a bit weaker and less useful than the others.

The other point I want to make is about Yalom's views of religion. Yalom plainly views religion as a completely irrational defense against death anxiety, although he works hard not to challenge deeply ingrained belief systems in his clients, especially if they serve as a positive resource. It's an interesting and difficult balance, and it speaks to a universal challenge for all therapists, including religious ones, when the client's belief system is different from yours. Ironically enough, I actually derived some spiritual inspiration from this book despite its being written by someone so overtly cynical and skeptical about religion.

I initially picked up this book to use in my teaching as we're up to Existential Psychotherapy in my Theories of Psychotherapy course. I started with the last chapter, written for therapists but accessible to laypeople, and found many useful examples and insights which I will be incorporating in my lesson. Because I love Yalom's writing, though, I decided to read the whole book and appreciated much of what it had to say. I imagine that therapists would be most interested in its insights, but I feel that it has something to offer to everyone and is accessible and enjoyable.(less)

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Nov 06, 2009

Liesl rated it

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Shelves: nonfiction

This book is beautifully written and flows like a conversation. It addresses the difficult (for many) topic of facing our own mortality and how to turn the knowledge of our mortality into a force for living better. While Yalom directly addresses fellow therapists in one part of the book, it is still an approachable and useful read for anyone. Coming from my perspective as a future existential therapist, this was a perfect read.

Yalom addresses the different ways death anxiety can sho...more

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May 29, 2009

Ionia rated it

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This book was sent for review.

To be sure, the subject matter of this book greatly interested me at first, even though the book was written in a somewhat simplistic style that I'm not really used to.

I've always been concerned and perhaps even obsessed with matters of death and the existential dilemma; however, as this book went on, with some great quotes from Nietzsche by the way, the author begins to show his true colours. He doesn't seem very fond of religion, the idea o...moreThis book was sent for review.

To be sure, the subject matter of this book greatly interested me at first, even though the book was written in a somewhat simplistic style that I'm not really used to.

I've always been concerned and perhaps even obsessed with matters of death and the existential dilemma; however, as this book went on, with some great quotes from Nietzsche by the way, the author begins to show his true colours. He doesn't seem very fond of religion, the idea of "God," or anything spiritual. Now, don't get me wrong, I went through my own phase of this, but when I was very young, and being rebellious against religious institutions and peoples' ideas and ideals of God was normal, or is usually normal for any questioning teenager or young adult. But I grew out of this, and, I sort of learned to see through different perceptions of what we deem "reality" that exists in the subjective worlds of others. I have respect for religion, and spirituality, and unlike the author, I don't want to insult any body's spiritual yearnings or spirituality, period, by running their ideals through the muck, for, just as this author alludes -- nobody really knows the true nature of anything, do we?

And, he also claims in his book that nobody can blame their current state on anybody else. Well, then wouldn't this then allude to God as well? Should we then blame God, as the author seems to want to -- or even an imaginary one, for all the evils in the world, when in fact it is we humans who create our own reality and hell on earth? He doesn't want to grovel before a "cruel" God, he says, and truthfully, as a vegetarian and animal rights activist, I understand his anger and pain because I feel very deeply for all sentient beings, but maybe in the end, WE'RE the ones responsible for suffering because we don't do enough to prevent it. Maybe we're not brave enough yet. Maybe we're not strong enough. Whatever it is, you can't really hate God or the idea of God because of the evils of mankind.

Also, I'm not really sure how the theories presented here are supposed to help anybody. I think anyone can come up with their own ideas and do a better job at it. I know that for me, death is a reality, and when it comes, it comes; after that, nobody can prove for sure what happens, but I'm sure it will be a hell of a lot more interesting than what most of us deem it to be.

And, one more thing: I'd also like to know, what is so brave about the ideas in this book? What is brave about deconstructing and destroying? It takes more courage to plummet, to investigate, to build up, to create, than it does to demolish. I do not like the way the author treated his patients either, as if he and only he knows the truth. This is something akin to a God-complex right here, and if I sound or seem angry, in a way I am, because I expected more from this book than to be lectured to, either about the "truth" of God or another human's "truth." I'll come up with my own truths, thank you very much. I don't need somebody to teach that to me.(less)

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Jan 24, 2012

Olga rated it

· review of another edition

Лёгкая, убедительная и написанная простым языком книга о том, как преодолеть страх смерти. Основная мысль заключается в том, что необходимо жить каждый день так, как хочется и как велит сердце - в этом случае будет не обидно за бесцельно потраченные годы и не будет давить страх того, что что-то не реализовано и не доделано. Также в книге рассматриваются жизненные истории пациентов Ялома и какие советы он им давал на консультациях.

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Jun 11, 2009

James rated it

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Shelves: character-studies, culture-and-politics, death-dying-killing-bereavement, health-care-healing-and-wellness, psychology, relationships, spirituality-and-or-religion, memoirs, mythology

Warm, brilliant, and deeply empathic - I think this is Dr. Yalom's best work yet. This is a subject I've had to deal with over and over - as a career Marine, as a psychotherapist, and in the deaths of friends and of my parents. I find a lot of what Irvin Yalom wrote here resonating with my experiences and what I've come to believe and feel, and a lot of conversations with my wife, who is a clinical social worker and worked for a while in a hospice program. I would recommend this book for anyone ...more

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Sep 02, 2010

AJ rated it

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Shelves: mind

I enjoyed reading about Yalom's perspective on Existential Psychotherapy and decided to explore a little more of him. This is one of the most recent books he has published. He has a wealth of experience, being almost 75 years old (I think).

What I liked most were his practical applications surrounding the topic of death, such as "rippling".

Overall the information is what I would consider light reading - definitely approachable by anyone who has a desire to confr...more

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Apr 02, 2011

Sarah Puglisi rated it

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So far I've identified it as a must read for Sylvia.

I "enjoyed" the book.
It is a book about how we confront death in our daily lives. I think I've had a series of overwhelmingly difficult confrontations with death and lacked skills to deal well-so the book helped me examine that.

Dr. Yalom is a good read. And having read a number of his works I found this another facet in understanding. I wish there was more humor, but, then, having learned this is a defens...more

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Mar 28, 2008

Max rated it

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Recommends it for: Mortals

Recommended to Max by: NPR

I've experienced death-terror since I was about 9. It usually strikes as I am falling asleep, a heart-racing panic attack that is triggered by the idea that one day I will be dead and there is nothing I can do about it. I heard Dr. Yalom on NPR and I immediately ordered his book - it was at first a relief to know that I was not alone in this terror. Yalom presents three ways to address death-terror: the argument for symmetry, the irrational logic, and attachment through connections with others. ...moreI've experienced death-terror since I was about 9. It usually strikes as I am falling asleep, a heart-racing panic attack that is triggered by the idea that one day I will be dead and there is nothing I can do about it. I heard Dr. Yalom on NPR and I immediately ordered his book - it was at first a relief to know that I was not alone in this terror. Yalom presents three ways to address death-terror: the argument for symmetry, the irrational logic, and attachment through connections with others. The first two he attributes to the philosopher Epicurus; it is irrational to fear your own death because you will not be consciously aware of your state. The argument for symmetry states that the universe was here and find before you were born, it will continue to function without you. Neither of these address my terror in that it is my ego that fears the lack of consciousness, therefore his irrational argument actually is the root of my fear. The argument for symmetry doesn't help me because I don't care about the state of the universe without me - it is consciousness and my living in the world that I find precious. Take me away, and to hell with the world. It is Yalom's final argument that has been somewhat helpful, and something I discovered on my own. He posits that making deep, emotional connections with people allow your life to "ripple" in its effect on others. That is why I try and do something, every day, that has a positive effect on my life and other's lives. As I fall asleep I evaluate my day and my actions and it does help to alleviate my death terror. Yalom's book is a quick and easy read, mostly anecdotes about his own patients and their sessions together. The final chapter are ideas for therapists to address death terror, but I found his overall tone to be too causal and surface about the deep causes of a very real phobia. Yalom's clearly a gifted psychiatrist, but more insight into the causality, and a more scientific approach would have made this book better.(less)

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Oct 20, 2008

Vicky rated it

· review of another edition

Here is another interesting book by Yalom with the mixture of
philosophy, psychology and wisdom of long life. The fear of death is the main point of discussion and even if it is not a jolly topic, we all can relate to it in some way or another. There are a lot of case studies, great insights into different phobias and anxieties and neurosis that can be tracked to this main human fear. For me Yalom always broadens my horizons and his books on Schopenhauer and Nietzsche are great examples of ...more

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Apr 08, 2009

Kara rated it

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Shelves: criticism-philosophy

This book, about coming to terms with death, has a much more practical, tutorial style than some other Yalom books I've read. I thought that made it less interesting, but probably more helpful. He pulls gems of advice from his philosophical forefathers, but also includes observations from his own psychotherapy practice. And - because I think Yalom is the greatest - I loved the sense that he was blending his voice with those of other Great Thinkers who have pondered death. Also, Irv is no spring ...more

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Aug 03, 2011

Filipa Pipas rated it

· review of another edition

O terceiro livro que li de Irvin Yalom, num estilo um pouco diferente dos anteriores, pois não existe ficção uma vez que refere alguns relatos de pacientes seus e expõe pensamentos do próprio acerca da questão mais crucial das nossas vidas: a morte. Um livro poderoso, directo e empático que aborda o medo da morte na sua forma subjectiva, com o intuito de fazer o leitor meditar sobre os seus próprios terrores (in)conscientes.

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Dec 07, 2008

Ellen rated it

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Wonderful book by a wise psychiatrist and teacher. Yalom shares clinical stories and personal insights about the most basic existential issue of all, our own deaths. Far from gloomy, the book is full of hope. Yalom is an atheist, so there are no religious cliches. I found that very refreshing. He does not aim to tear down anyone's faith, but to offer comfort to both believer and non-believer alike.

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Apr 27, 2009

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: cognitive-science-and-or-psychology, philosophy

I discovered this through this excellent radio show's (the complete archive can be found here) interview with the author:

Overcoming the Terror of Death: A Discussion with Irv Yalom in Front of a Live Audience

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Feb 10, 2009

Katlet rated it

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Shelves: inspiration, library

I especially enjoyed the chapter on being a therapist and dealing with clients' death anxiety. I'm not sure that I find his philosophical ideas about death to be helpful in terms of my own death anxiety, but I do find it helpful to know that so many other people deal with this feeling.

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Aug 06, 2011

Keith added it · review of another edition

An incredible look into how realizing your mortality can awaken you to live more fully. Yalom is an existential therapist. If you are looking for a uniquely Christian perspective on this issue, i would recommend Rob Moll "The Art of Dying"

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Mar 21, 2009

Emp1101 rated it

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Not only is this a thought-provoking book about how I view death, but also how I want to live the rest of my life. Citing philosophers, work with his clients and his own philosophy, Yalom takes us on this journey. Well worth the read!

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Nov 30, 2008

Vicky rated it

· review of another edition

I'm still terrified.

But Yalom is a great, thoughtful writer, and he makes sense a lot of the time. I can't believe that I'll be floating around in the same nothingness I apparently floated around in before I was born. I like the idea of posterity: "Look for me among my friends."

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May 12, 2009

Candy rated it

· review of another edition

A good book to bring up issues on death, but the last part of the book focuses on how therapists can discuss death with their patients. Since I am not a therapist, it became too difficult for me to sift out pertinent points for myself.

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Dec 16, 2010

Jeff rated it

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Dr. Yalom takes on one of the most difficult subjects in psychotherapy: how to face our death anxiety, learn to live with it, and create more authentic lives because of it. Dr. Yalom uses his usual technique of introducing ideas and supporting them with vignettes of real therapy sessions. The book is a gift to those who may not be able to face their own mortality without dread and despair. As usual with Dr. Yalom, I would recommend this book to anyone, but particularly those in the helping profe...more

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Jun 26, 2008

Martine rated it

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Let's see....this was book was pretty good. Obviously, it's a very serious, very important topic. It was relatively easy to read, with lots of case studies which is always interesting. I guess I was expecting more...a lot of it seemed somewhat elementary, but maybe that's just because I'm fascinated with this subject and am surrounded by it every day (4 this week). However, I found the last chapter particularly interesting. He gave advice to therapists on how to approach the topic of death ...more

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Nov 05, 2008

Megan rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: those plagued with death fear

Recommended to Megan by: boyfriend, psych nut, sensitive guy

i was initially reluctant to read this, as it seemed like a sort of self help book, but my boyfriend (a counselor, himself), convinced me to read it after he had done so. i've been obsessive over death since around fourth grade, but in the past year, i've watched a close friend lose her husband, and more recently lost my grandmother, and all of this has made me fixated, probably unhealthily, on death. in that context, i think yalom brings together a lot of good existential philosophers to make a...more

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Apr 01, 2011

Warren Buffington rated it

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Excellent for both the therapist and the lay person. Yalom puts the complicated into simple terms and makes the reading a pleasure. Fast read.

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Jun 02, 2009

Mariaazevedo65 rated it

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Um livro a ser lido em qualquer idade. Confronta-nos com o medo mais oculto e que é a origem de todos os outros medos: o medo da morte.

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May 09, 2011

Dawn Ellis added it · review of another edition

Read this last year after the death of my mother. Useful for someone like me without a strong religious foundation and community.

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Dec 09, 2008

Julie rated it

· review of another edition

Another interesting read from Irving Yalom about death anxiety. I recommend it.

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About Irvin D. Yalom

Irvin David Yalom, M.D., is an author of fiction and nonfiction, Emeritus Professor of Psychiatry at Stanford University, an existentialist, and accomplished psychotherapist.

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The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

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“Sterven is echter de eenzaamste gebeurtenis van het leven. We worden er niet alleen door van anderen afgescheiden, maar daarnaast stelt het ons ook bloot aan een nog angstaanjagender vorm van eenzaamheid: het is een scheiding van de wereld zelf.” — 1 person liked it

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BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5986003-staring-at-the-sun?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1255597325m/5986003.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5986003-staring-at-the-sun?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death by Irvin D. Yalom[/url]

Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death

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