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The Connected Child
"...an extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding ... strongly recommended."
--Library Journal (starred review)
"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike."
--Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for Adoption
The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challe
...moreKindle Edition
Published
(first published February 22nd 2007)
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This is BY FAR the most helpful book I've read on attachment, bonding and helping a traumatized child learn to feel safe and yet not allow them to overly control the life of your family due to their very real struggles and issues. Written by two PhD's at Texas Christian University, they provide common-sense understanding of what triggers fear and other struggles in traumatized children while offering very helpful and HOPEFUL strategies for compassionate, loving, strong and effective parenting to...more
Should be required reading for adoptive parents. However, there were many things I highlighted that will aid me in being a better mom to my biological children as well.
Noteworthy quotes:
1- Too often parents and experts look at behavioral disorders as if they they existed separate from sensory impairments, separate from attention difficulties, separate from childhood deprivation, neurological damage, attachment disorders, post traumatic stress; and so on. You should take a more holistic approach...more
Noteworthy quotes:
1- Too often parents and experts look at behavioral disorders as if they they existed separate from sensory impairments, separate from attention difficulties, separate from childhood deprivation, neurological damage, attachment disorders, post traumatic stress; and so on. You should take a more holistic approach...more
This book is directed towards parents who are raising children who have been adopted or come from traumatic backgrounds and have social-emotional and attachment challenges. I thought it was an excellent book, full of practical information and suggestions that strike a good balance between helping the child to heal and feel safe while not allowing his or her issues to rule the house. I appreciated the information about brain development as well as the discussion about how some common parenting st...more
Jun 01, 2010
Scooping it Up
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
adoption-reads
The framework of this book is parenting children who come from any kind of difficult past or transition, adoption, trauma, etc.
The surprising humble,and highly emotional pie I ate while reading it was this: Dr. Purvis is kind to suggest the kind of parenting it takes to successfully parent children from "hard places" is just that: mere kindness. The fact is, her parenting strategies would make every child a happier, more connected, more well adjusted child.
And if every parent practiced the kind...more
The surprising humble,and highly emotional pie I ate while reading it was this: Dr. Purvis is kind to suggest the kind of parenting it takes to successfully parent children from "hard places" is just that: mere kindness. The fact is, her parenting strategies would make every child a happier, more connected, more well adjusted child.
And if every parent practiced the kind...more
Other reviewers have commented in detail about the solid parenting advice, applicable even beyond families formed by adoption. I look forward to trying some of these techniques. The authors tie this advice to emerging science about early trauma and its lasting effects on the brain. It's an interesting story, but one that is still being told--one to watch.
I had a few concerns about this book. Like other books in this genre, the quotes from satisfied patients suggest that this specific team, and t...more
I had a few concerns about this book. Like other books in this genre, the quotes from satisfied patients suggest that this specific team, and t...more
Key things I learned from this book:
1. As parents we want to be lenient and affectionate enough that children feel safe to explore and try new things, yet we need to be strict enough that children can navigate the world safely and appropriately, with respect for authority.
2. Adopted and foster children need lots of individualized, focused time with their parents in order to catch up developmentally and to form close and loyal family bonds.
3. Watch and study your child's behavior. What is your c...more
1. As parents we want to be lenient and affectionate enough that children feel safe to explore and try new things, yet we need to be strict enough that children can navigate the world safely and appropriately, with respect for authority.
2. Adopted and foster children need lots of individualized, focused time with their parents in order to catch up developmentally and to form close and loyal family bonds.
3. Watch and study your child's behavior. What is your c...more
Dec 31, 2012
Audra
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
parenting,
adoption-foster-care
I absolutely adored this book, and think it's one of my favorite on balancing the need to be the parent and the need to promote healthy attachment. Many of the strategies discussed within are probably appropriate to all children, not only children who have suffered trauma or neglect in their early lives. My only complaint is that the book's organization left me feeling overwhelmed at times, and hard to remember everything that they had discussed. I know parenting cannot be narrowed down into som...more
Jan 11, 2008
Heather
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
parentingfascinatingkids
Wow - she got it. This is now a book I rave about to friends with traumatized kids. Purvis explains how a child's brain reacts and develops in the presence of trauma, but also describes approaches to "rewire" these kiddos. Brilliant in theory, but clear and simple in the writing.
Jul 18, 2011
Jenifer
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Anyone who has adopted or will be adopting.
Shelves:
adoption-books
This is an informative book on the issues that many adopted children face, and how to better parent them in light of their special needs. Since we are adopting internationally, and our child will most likely be coming from an orphanage...I found those sections on attachment issues of orphans most helpful. This will be a book I will definitely come back to once we have our little girl home.
Really, the parenting techniques mentioned throughout the book would be helpful to any parent wanting to co...more
Really, the parenting techniques mentioned throughout the book would be helpful to any parent wanting to co...more
A friend recommended this book to me, and I am so glad she did. It had a much more positive vibe than some of the other books I have read. It was nice to get so many different suggestions for things to do to help adoptees overcome attachment issues and other problems. At the same time this book wasn't as much of a downer as others I have read.
My one criticism was the phrasing of some of the positive comments. I just can't picture myself complimenting a child with stuff like "Good asking for per...more
My one criticism was the phrasing of some of the positive comments. I just can't picture myself complimenting a child with stuff like "Good asking for per...more
This was a great book. I plan on using it as a reference in the future with my kid(s). It was written by two research psychologists who have years of experience in dealing with adopted children with attachment/behavioral issues. In the book, they explain the psychology and biology behind behavioral problems. They focus on useful tools to correct misbehavior, build self esteem, and develop attachment. The book is geared towards parents who have adopted, however I highly recommend it to all parent...more
Picked up a few ideas that probably would apply to any child. (I'm not a parent; I'm an aunt.)
I liked the "re-do's": Let's try that again. Guide the child in an upbeat, playful and fun manner. Re-do's are not punishment, but instruction. If necessary, demo the re-do. Let the child copy the re-do one or more times. Praise the child lavishly and sincerely upon completion of the corrected act.
Things that don't work: time-outs, questioning about why the child did something (makes him defensive, he'...more
I liked the "re-do's": Let's try that again. Guide the child in an upbeat, playful and fun manner. Re-do's are not punishment, but instruction. If necessary, demo the re-do. Let the child copy the re-do one or more times. Praise the child lavishly and sincerely upon completion of the corrected act.
Things that don't work: time-outs, questioning about why the child did something (makes him defensive, he'...more
This is the best book that I have read so far about how to help children heal after adoption. The author has years and years of experience in helping families, and her methods have been proven successful many times over. Her approach makes a lot of sense to me--the first step is to help a child feel safe. When someone is afraid, rational thought and the ability to learn shuts down. Fight or flight takes over. So helping a child to feel safe is the first step towards being able to reach them and...more
This book was written by Karyn Purvis, who is the Director of the Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University (TCU) . She specializes in helping families who have adopted or are fostering at-risk children from troubled backgrounds or from other countries and cultures. Many of these adopted children endured great trauma in their early infancy and childhood, and when adopted do not know how to relate to the usual nurturing that families provide to their children. Many of these chi...more
I read this book because I have an adopted daughter that I am struggling to connect with. I thought it was exceptional. There were several chapters applicable only to adopted and foster children, however the rest of it I would recommend to any parent.
Here's a few of the gems I found personally beneficial:
1)A lot of my daughter's behaviors that drive me insane aren't her personality--it's a result of where she began and are coping/survival mechanisms. I actually was surprised at how many behavio...more
Here's a few of the gems I found personally beneficial:
1)A lot of my daughter's behaviors that drive me insane aren't her personality--it's a result of where she began and are coping/survival mechanisms. I actually was surprised at how many behavio...more
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I highly recommend this book. I rarely read parenting books anymore. Just at a friend's mention, I looked at the cover and decided to read it. At first it was a slog, getting through all the theory of international/older child/troubled child adoption, but once it got to the part of actually handling real life situations, I thought the author did a great job of guiding, yet being realistic about life with kids. While this book is written toward the adoptive audience, I found the parenting advice...more
Before our adopted children came home I read everything I could about attachment and parenting. I remember thinking the parenting style suggested by Karyn Purvis was so different from anything I had done with my biological children. Do-overs? Really? But once our newly adopted 4 and 9 year olds were in our home I pulled this out to read again and I knew the tools contained in this book were pure genius. It's not always easy to implement this style of parenting but it has definitely been worth it...more
"The Connected Child" by Karyn Purvis, David Cross and Wendy Sunshine" is filled with tips for those who adopt children who have special behavioral and emotional needs. They explain that more traditional responses such as isolating time outs, only serve to further isolate a child who already has trust and loss issues.
This excellent book is easy to read and lays out its suggestions in a really informative way. I definitely plan to incorporate some of its techniques into our home.
This excellent book is easy to read and lays out its suggestions in a really informative way. I definitely plan to incorporate some of its techniques into our home.
Excellent overview of Purvis' techniques to help families with children who have traumatic pasts. I found the second half to be more useful, because it had techniques and scripts for a variety of situations, so you can easily see how to put her advice into action. While aimed at children with more overt traumatic pasts I think there are pieces of the book that would be helpful to many adoptive families (discipline, dealing with separation anxiety, etc). I particularly liked that she discussed th...more
My friend, foster mom and adoptive mother of 3 (ages 10, 6, and 1 -- two international and one domestic), raved about this book and gave me a copy when we started our adoption journey.
I have to admit that it is *the best* information I've read on attachment thus far. A must read for preadoptive parents. My husband and I can't wait to go to the Empowered to Connect conference where we hope to glean even more wisdom from Dr. Purvis.
I have to admit that it is *the best* information I've read on attachment thus far. A must read for preadoptive parents. My husband and I can't wait to go to the Empowered to Connect conference where we hope to glean even more wisdom from Dr. Purvis.
This is a great resource book. Lots of helpful, practical ideas on how to help your adopted child in the bonding process. The only reason I didn't give it a "5" is that I had hoped (maybe it was an unfair expectation) that she would address, in more depth, the complex emotions that parents also bring into the relationship (ex. grief and loss). Maybe we are odd ducks in that we have already experienced the death of a child, although there are plenty of people who also adopt after infertility. I f...more
A must read for adoptive parents. I think it would also be really beneficial for parents of children with special needs. Some of this I already knew from my training as an SLP and my research as an adoptive parent; however, it was an awesome reminder and a great way to organize the info. I am already using some of the techniques in this book and seeing success!
Apr 17, 2010
Catherine
rated it
3 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
parenting-adoption-children
This books was practical and hopeful. Equal parts attitude adjustment and toolbox, it will help many parents.
While it is clearly targeted at parents who are fostering or adopting, there are enough strategies that fit all kids to make it worth a read for most parents. Even if I never adopt (or parent at all) this book was worth my time just for the strategies it gave me for helping my students.
While it is clearly targeted at parents who are fostering or adopting, there are enough strategies that fit all kids to make it worth a read for most parents. Even if I never adopt (or parent at all) this book was worth my time just for the strategies it gave me for helping my students.
Apr 08, 2012
Jennifer
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
adoption-and-parenting
This book is an incredible resource for adoptive parents! The book clearly lays out plans and steps to build a better connection and relationship with your child. I plan to give a copy of this book to our family members to explain how we would like them to improve attachment with our children and how we will be raising and disciplining our children.
I've been using some of the suggestions with the children I interact with through my volunteer position with the local Children's Aid Society (i.e....more
I've been using some of the suggestions with the children I interact with through my volunteer position with the local Children's Aid Society (i.e....more
I liked it, since I'm interested in adopting (someday), either internationally or locally, I haven't decided. This would be a good book to go back to read bits & pieces as reference, once the adoption process is actually underway. It would be helpful for that, I just haven't had the chance to practice the principles yet.
A superb book with a balance of theory and practical tips for parenting children who have had a rocky start to their life. Most of the parenting tips are also applicable to more typically developing children. I got this book from the library and having read it once, plan to purchase it so that I can refer to it again.
Hands down the most helpful book I've read regarding the potential issues we may face when we bring our daughter home from Honduras. Detailed and very insightful. Talks a lot about how brains are developed in utero and how important early nourishment and love are to a child's growth. Very highly recommend!
Sep 23, 2012
Heather Baker
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
professional-reads
I couldn't give a higher recommendation for this book. Finally a well rounded book for professionals and caregivers alike! If you're working with 'children from hard places,' don't miss this one! There is no "finish date" on this one...I keep referring back to the interventions and information!
This is the one book everyone recommends. I am sure I will come back to it as we discover what our children's needs are. I like that it is neither too general nor too specific--it seems like it would be useful to many people, yet also give all those people actual tools they can begin using.
Not just for adopive parents. Purvis shares heart wrenching and heart warming stories. Gives new insight into the importance of bonding as well as the necessity for loving, consistent discipline. I bought a CD along with the book that has interviews and tips from Dr. Purvis.
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| Attaching in adoption | 1 | 13 | Jan 08, 2010 12:46pm |
