A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue

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A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue

3.81 of 5 stars 3.81 · rating details · 829 ratings · 177 reviews

Where once a young woman had to be ashamed of her sexual experience, today she is ashamed of her sexual inexperience. Where not long ago an unmarried woman was ashamed to give public evidence of sexual desire by living with someone, today she must be ashamed to give evidence of romantic desire. From sex education in grade school to coed bathrooms in college, today's young...more Where once a young woman had to be ashamed of her sexual experience, today she is ashamed of her sexual inexperience. Where not long ago an unmarried woman was ashamed to give public evidence of sexual desire by living with someone, today she must be ashamed to give evidence of romantic desire. From sex education in grade school to coed bathrooms in college, today's young woman is being pressured relentlessly to overcome her embarrassment, her "hang-ups," and especially her romantic hopes. Meanwhile, the problems young women struggle with grow steadily more extreme: from sexual harassment, stalking, and date rape to anorexia and self-mutilation. Both men and women endlessly lament the loss of privacy and of real intimacy. What is it all about?

Beholden neither to conservatives who discount as exaggeration the dangers facing young women, nor to feminists who steadfastly affix blame on the patriarchy, Wendy Shalit proposes that, in fact, we have lost our respect for an important classical virtue -- that of sexual modesty. A Return to Modesty is a deeply personal account as well as a fascinating intellectual exploration. From seventeenth-century manners guides to Antonio Canova's sculpture, Venus Italico, to Frank Loesser's 1948 tune, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," A Return to Modesty unfolds like a detective's search for a lost idea as Shalit uncovers opinions about this lost virtue's importance, from Balzac to Simone de Beauvoir, that have not been aired for decades. Then she knocks down the accompanying myths one by one. Female modesty is not about a "sexual double standard," as is often thought, but is related to male virtue and honor. Modesty is not a social construct, but a natural response. And modesty is not prudery, but a way to preserve a sense of the erotic in our lives.

With humor and piercing insight, Shalit invites us to look beyond the blush and consider the new power to be found in an old ideal. She maintains that the sex education curriculum forced on those of her generation from an early age is fundamentally flawed, centered as it is on overcoming reticence -- what we today call "hang-ups." Shalit surprisingly and persuasively argues that without these misnamed hang-ups there can be no true surrender, no richness and depth to relations between the sexes. The natural inclination toward modesty is not a hang-up that we should set out to cure, but rather a wonderful instinct that, if rediscovered and given the right social support, has the power to transform society.(less)

Paperback, 304 pages

Published January 24th 2000 by Free Press (first published January 1st 1998)

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Jun 29, 2008 Skylar Burris rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: women who think they are alone in their secret desire to have only meaningful, committed sex

Shelves: politics, sexuality, sociology, feminism

Shalit's book offers encouragement to women who are unhappy with the way the sexual revolution has buried the concepts of chivalry and courtship in an avalanche of low expectations, leaving women more vulnerable to sexual pressure, harassment, and objectification. She calls both conservatives and feminists equally to task. She wants conservatives to take the claims of feminists about the modern sufferings of women (anorexia, date rape, harassment, etc.) seriously, but she wants feminists to cons...more Shalit's book offers encouragement to women who are unhappy with the way the sexual revolution has buried the concepts of chivalry and courtship in an avalanche of low expectations, leaving women more vulnerable to sexual pressure, harassment, and objectification. She calls both conservatives and feminists equally to task. She wants conservatives to take the claims of feminists about the modern sufferings of women (anorexia, date rape, harassment, etc.) seriously, but she wants feminists to consider that these sufferings may not be the result of the "patriarchy," but of the attitudes born of the sexual revolution. She wants them to consider that "patriarchy" and "misogyny" are not synonyms, and that when the concepts of female modesty and male honor are toppled, the effect may be that misogyny actually has freer reign. Conservatives, Shalit says, want "women to be ladies while still getting to do whatever they [the men:] want." On the other hand, "Feminists hope to change the behavior of men without the women having to change…They want the men to be gentlemen without [women:] having to be ladies."

Kudos to Shalit for saying things many women believe but are afraid to say for fear of being called sexist or submissive. Those who adorn the altar of sexual choice rarely seem to understand that the sexual choices individual women make DO collectively affect the reality of how men on average treat women on average. Women, with a "cartel of virtue," can influence how the majority of men approach sex and relationships. In the absence of that cartel, however, women are subjected to increased ungentelmanlinke behavior and experience more difficulty finding men who are willing to offer any level of commitment prior to sex. "When women, as a group, forsake their natural power, it becomes difficult to reclaim that power individually." Older feminist tell young women, "You have a choice to be abstinent, why should you care what other women do?" But women of my generation didn't choose the world we live in, the world the architects of the sexual revolution created for us before we were born, a world where most men expect sex of women long before marriage and where natural modesty is often called a "hang up." We would have voted for the right to equal treatment under the law, but who's to say we would have voted to be asked for sex on the first date? Unfortunately, my generation never got a vote in the sexual revolution, and now the "guardians of the status quo" grow indignant when any of us suggests we don't care for the results.

Shalit has an interesting take on how harassment laws and dating codes developed. When society treats sexual differences and sex itself as insignificant, sooner or later, unchivalrous behavior becomes more common. If women are offended by the way men approach them, then, they must be the ones with the problem: they are prudes, or they are "uncomfortable in their bodies," or they are too intense. While the feminists don't think a man has a right to make a woman feel uncomfortable for any reason, how can men take a woman's discomfort seriously in the world created by the sexual revolutionaries, where sex is nothing special and any talk of female vulnerability is synonymous with "oppression"? So what do feminist do when they discover that a lot of women _don't want_ to treat sex with as much detachment as men? Do they encourage women to reinstate the "cartel of virtue"? Of course not. That's sexist and unthinkable. So instead they turn to written laws and regulations and codes of dating and sexual harassment, trying to enforce from above decent behaviors and attitudes that society once merely took for granted, and the result is a web of intimidation, condescension, and double standards.

Instead of telling men they are sexist if they think they owe women special treatment merely because they are women, instead of inviting everyone to believe sex is trivial and then prosecuting men when they behave as if that's true, wouldn't it be so much easier if more people just taught their sons a sense of honor and their daughters a sense of modesty, so that having sex with inebriated, half-conscious college girls and inviting strippers to your frat party and telling dirty jokes to your female co-workers were simply unthought of?

So, is Shalit advocating women be forced to wear burqas? That's not he point. Her point is that a voluntary return to modesty (which has more to do with expectations and attitudes about sex than specific dress) would be good for women, and that women benefit when the society they inhabit supports the concepts of modesty and male honor. I agree. So why only three stars? Because of several flaws in the way she presents her argument:

* She makes sweeping generalizations and speaks in frequent hyperboles. For instance, she repeatedly suggests that women can't feel safe walking alone on the streets.

* Overall, I think she gives men a raw deal. I sometimes get the sense that men are being condemned for their sexual behavior while women are merely being pitied. She tends to speak of indecent male behaviors as though they were typical, as if the losers she dated in college were entirely representative of the American male. She often speaks in a condescending way about men. For example: a return to modesty, she says, "invites men to consider, 'What's fun about forcing someone into sex in the first place?'" Now, perhaps she doesn't _mean_ to imply that most men haven't considered that rape might not be fun, but, really, how would your average man feel upon reading that sentence? This book was written shortly after Shalit graduated college, and I think she had a somewhat insular view of the world. Her view of "men," it seems, has been largely informed by college frat boys, liberal male philosophy professors, the rantings of anti-male feminists, and articles in Cosmo. I don't think a woman who had been married ten years and given birth to one or more sons could possibly write this book the way she wrote it.

* As in Girls Gone Mild, Shalit relies mostly on anecdotal evidence, using extreme examples as though they were normative. When she does use statistics, I am often skeptical of her sources, because the numbers are often suspiciously high. 78% of men have cheated on their wives? 65% of teenage boys in a Rhode Island study said they thought it was "acceptable" to "force sex" on a girlfriend after six months of dating? If your goal is to convince women that their desire for true love and commitment is not unrealistic, then it probably doesn't help to imply that the overwhelming majority of men are adulterers and rapists.

* She tends to treat her own personal experience and observations in the very liberal parts of the country in which she has lived as indicative of national and generational trends. Although I was born the same year as Shalit and attended public schools my entire life, my own observations and experiences are different. I don't recall the boys ridiculing the girls by the lockers in 4th grade after being taught how to masturbate in sex ed. My 5th grade teacher most certainly did not keep a stash of condoms in her desk drawer to distribute to 11 year olds when they asked for safety pins. Casual "hook-ups" occurred at my college, but I never had the sense they were the norm (dating was). I had never even heard the term "check up" before I read this book. I never had a female friend assume I wanted "many men" or advise me to show more skin. I'm not sure if Shalit realizes that her experiences may have been atypical of the nation at large.

* Shalit tends to blame society for all individual choices, allowing limited room for personal responsibility. At one point, she even says that the murder of a woman by her stalker should be on ALL of our consciences. I'm sure there are, as Shalit has said, women who do not know their feelings of modesty and their desire to link sex and commitment are normal. I understand that adolescence is a time where everything is dramatic, and that many young women do fear being alone and so say "yes" to sex when they don't really want to. Yet ultimately, they do have a choice to follow their feelings instead of what they believe society expects of them. Being counter-cultural isn't easy, but nor is it _quite_ as hard as Shalit makes it out to be. It's difficult to strain against the expectations of your environment, but, to some extent, people choose their environments by choosing their friends, their colleges, their extracurricular activities, and their religion. As I read Shalit recounting how she used to pretend to be more sexually experienced than she was to "gain approval," I often found myself thinking—-why don't you just find better friends who don't tell you to show more skin so you can have "many men"? Why don't you look for men to date in synagogue instead of in your Liberal Indoctrination 101 class? Shalit is lifting her voice to make the alternatives to a sex-saturated culture clear and to defend modesty and sexual restraint in a society that too often mocks them. I hope her voice will reach those young women who suppress their feelings and consciences in order to "run with the boys." Yet the final responsibility for sexual choices must ultimately rest with the individual.(less)

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Jul 27, 2008 Kressel Housman rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: young women, especially those entering college

Shelves: non-fiction, psychology, history, world-culture

Skylar's excellent review of this book did make me view it a bit more critically, but for the most part, I think Wendy Shalit has portrayed American society with dead-on accuracy. Her main contentions are these:

1. If women would hold themselves to higher standards of modesty and men would hold themselves to higher standards of honor, we would have a much healthier society overall.

2. The reason for such problems as anorexia and cutting amongst girls is not because the girls themselves are sick bu...more

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Oct 01, 2007 Emily rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Anyone who thinks modesty is a virtue!

I had very mixed feelings about this book. I agreed with just about everything Shalit had to say, and I really enjoyed reading about Orthodox Jewish practices and laws, having had almost no prior exposure to them. Her analysis of the culture is dead-on, and I completely agree that modesty is in danger of dying out -- and that abandonment of it is what has placed us in such an amoral state.

That said, however, I just didn't care for the writing style. I felt out of breath every time I picked it up...more

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Jul 17, 2007 Reader rated it 4 of 5 stars

Another book I really enjoyed was A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit. Published in 2000, I found her insight prescient and a refreshing counterweight to bombardment of exposed flesh that seemed to have reached a crescendo in the summer of 2004. In commenting on this book I must walk a careful line between sounding like a religious zealot demanding women be covered from head to toe and a letch lurking outside the local high school leering at the teenage girls.

Shalit...more

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Apr 08, 2008 Logan rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is a book I just finished reading by a 27 year old woman, Wendy Shalit. I thought it was a really fascinating book. It was based on a theory of sorts that immodesty is at the root of many of the problems in todays society. She discussed the importance of gender roles and how it's important to recognize and accept the differences between men and women and not try to make them the same. She uses a lot of articles and letters from popular women's magazines to drive her point home, exposing how...more

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Apr 10, 2008 Nicole rated it 5 of 5 stars

Hoorah for Wendy Shalit! I'm glad someone out there has made a great case for not only modesty in dress, but more importantly, modesty in behavior! In a world that tells us that we are equal to men, in every way except anatomy, I'm glad that Wendy was brave enough to uncover the truth. Through extensive research and often-times shocking anecdotes we discover the disintegration of the virtuous woman, and the great need for women young and old alike, to unite forces and dispel the "popular" versio...more

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Jan 03, 2008 Guin rated it 4 of 5 stars

As much as I appreciate the rewards of the feminist upheaval - my education, my career in a male-dominated profession, coming into my marriage as an equal - I often think about whether or not there were losses as well. I didn't ask to give up chivalry; and I hate how some men use the idea that courtesy equates to misogyny to slam doors in our faces or even minimize rape into "just a type of bullying".

Wendy has answers for how our culture has become both increasingly free for and antagonistic to...more

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Jun 22, 2008 Jaclyn rated it 5 of 5 stars

Another of my all-time favorites. I read this book as a college student in a 'clothing' class (not just a sewing class, but so much more...), and was so immediately struck by how much it helped me to explain my own feelings about modesty in a world where that word has almost no meaning anymore. I really, really think this should be required reading for all teenage girls; unfortunately, there are probably many people in this world (including women--who must not really respect themselves for who t...more

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May 15, 2008 Colin rated it 2 of 5 stars

Stupid stupid stupid stupid. But I could have seen that coming I guess. Uses east coast judaism as an absolute point of cultural reference, alienating the midwesterner in me; typecasts men, alienating the gender I associate with; and then talks a ridiculous game about women, alienating my feminist side. I agree with a few of her premises (I think the way we're taught gender relations is kind of fucked up, to say the least) but this book is so goddamned stupid and constructs such ridiculous caric...more

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May 07, 2008 Kelly rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is not what it appears to be from the title. We read it for book club and had a great discussion. It doesn't have anything to do with how someone dresses but covers a more broad idea of what modesty is. The book explores the idea that modesty is disappearing in society and what the result from this trend are. It was written by a young (I want to say 27 year old) Jewish women. It definitely caused me to consider ideas I hadn’t thought of before. I thought she was a bit redundant however...more

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Apr 11, 2008 Crystalin rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites

I was impressed by the author's strong stance in favor of modesty. I liked how she took examples that have been offered up as "art" or "literature" or "normal life" and exposed them for what they are: an affront to modesty. The only caution I would give is that this book is definitely written for a more mature audience. Because of the graphic nature of many examples that Shalit offers, the overall good message of the book might be lost to shock for younger audiences. For a book written specifica...more

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Mar 04, 2008 Marilou rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: All Women; most men, teen girls, mothers of girls

Recommended to Marilou by: David Sandifer

Shelves: modesty, contemporary-culture

Just finished this book and found it compelling from page 1. My generation, the Baby Boomers, (or should I say Baby Bloopers?) were the first American generation to ditch the ideal of modesty en masse. I remember sitting in high school and college class and steeling myself against embarrassment when the conversation became, shall we say, "immodest." I worked to overcome the God-given attitude of modesty so that I would fit in with my culture! In this book, Wendy Shalit calls us all back to the n...more

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Jan 10, 2009 Kimberly rated it 4 of 5 stars

Key points of book:
If women would hold themselves to higher standards of modesty and men would hold themselves to higher standards of honor, we would have a much healthier society overall.

Quotes:
"Once women, as a group forsake their natural power for an illusory one, it becomes difficult to reclaim that power individually."
"If you are not sensitive to rejection, doesn't that also mean you're indifferent to love?"
~ not sure if I agree, but definitely something worth giving more though to

This boo...more

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Dec 15, 2008 Jen rated it 3 of 5 stars

I loved the ideas presented in this book. The main idea of the book is that the sexual revolution - teaching sex education younger, making women feel at liberty to express themselves in dress and conduct - has really made society worse off than it was before. I thought she had some great points she made throughout the book - we're a society that expects the men to be gentlemen without the women having to be ladies; and the return to modesty won't work with just a few isolated women thinking and...more

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Aug 21, 2012 Yellow Rose rated it 5 of 5 stars

She exposes "sexual liberation" for what it is and how it has disillusioned, confused and harmed women. She swiftly tackles the myth that women were sexually oppressed before the 1960's, she exposes feminist writing that are inherently sexist. No where else in literature will you find as much hatred for women as in the feminist literature, yet feminists perceive to be "helping" women. All that feminism has done is harmed women, its all about destroying the family ladies Wake Up! In summation I w...more

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Jul 14, 2010 Shauna rated it 4 of 5 stars

An important topic for everyone--youth, adults, parents, children, men and women.

The author attended liberal schools and in more open situations, so her experiences with sex ed, etc., are more extrememe than mine, but she had valid points about society really wanting a return to manners, courtship, chivalry, honor, privacy, romance, and respect.

She included many Jewish/religious customs as morality guidelines.

She suggested we choose our environment by choosing our friends, schools, interests, re...more

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May 04, 2010 Kacie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Four and a half stars, really. I think in some ways the title of the book is misleading, because it makes you think that it will discuss modesty in terms of dress. That is just one point in the broader scheme, which is women and standards, or boundaries, or reserve... sometimes referred to as modesty. It was a fascinating read because it was argued from secular feminist perspective rather than a religious perspective.

Shalit's argument is essentially for the value and freedom of women. Her under...more

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Sep 03, 2009 Heather rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shalit's book is an entertaining, engaging, and clear-eyed examination of contemporary culture's perverse and ultimately misogynistic vision of female sexual liberation and the war on modesty.

Refreshingly, Shalit defies the old stereotypes of both conservative and liberal thinking on the subject of gender roles, sex, and sexual violence and makes an extremely well thought-out and balanced argument. In her estimation, both extremes of thought have failed us -- each by insisting that only one gend...more

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Dec 20, 2010 Khaya rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Khaya by: Rivkah

Shelves: readablenonfiction, thought-provoking, we-re-all-going-to-hell

Modesty – whoa, there’s a loaded topic.

Modesty is loaded for me in a particular way. As a graduate of an orthodox Jewish girls’ high school where I felt modesty was needlessly shoved down my throat, I tend to have a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I keep all the modesty rules I’m supposed to keep, but without the enthusiasm or zealousness my teachers preached. And I often see other graduates of my school fudging or even abandoning these rules, which I tend to interpret as a direct reaction to the...more Modesty – whoa, there’s a loaded topic.

Modesty is loaded for me in a particular way. As a graduate of an orthodox Jewish girls’ high school where I felt modesty was needlessly shoved down my throat, I tend to have a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I keep all the modesty rules I’m supposed to keep, but without the enthusiasm or zealousness my teachers preached. And I often see other graduates of my school fudging or even abandoning these rules, which I tend to interpret as a direct reaction to the overemphasis on detail that we were subjected to in high school.

Happily, Wendy has shown me the other extreme and offered me a reason these rules might be useful after all. According to Wendy, the secular world actively destroys people’s (women’s in particular) natural modesty tendencies, implying that these tendencies are unhealthy, outdated, socially inappropriate, you name it. If you don’t want to dress like a slut, use a co-ed bathroom, or be promiscuous, society tells you there is something wrong with you when, perhaps, the problem actually lies with society. Using intelligent arguments and multiple sources, Wendy advocates for reclaiming the sexual revolution and turning it on its head; returning to a norm where female modesty is respected and chivalry is not dead. She feels this needs to begin with women as a group choosing to behave in a more modest manner.

My perspective on this book is naturally colored by my background, and I would be very interested in the reaction of a person living a mainstream secular lifestyle. I will say that, because Wendy is speaking to a non-Orthodox audience, her arguments in favor of modesty come across as less rhetorical than the ones my teacher used in high school (although it may, in part, be my maturity and increased awareness that’s allowing me to hear them that way). Her train of thought and writing is very impressive for a college kid; I understand that this book came from her senior thesis and that she was in her early 20s when it was published. The fact that the book often reads like a senior thesis is both a good thing and a bad thing – the tone feels more scholarly and therefore more credible; at the same time, it’s a slow read at times.

I do think Wendy was very brave to voice these arguments in a world which appeared to be almost unanimously against them. She grew up being thought a prude for her views and enduring censure for her “hang-ups,” and still had the courage to advocate for her perspective. If the book is to be believed, though, Wendy has actually given voice to others who feel the way she does and are afraid to speak up. It will be interesting to see whether Wendy’s book has any palpable influence on reversing social norms.
(less)

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Petra X I've read (edited) theses on all sorts of subjects, not particularly English, I did them for money, I read them for enjoyment - I'm no expert.

Modesty...more I've read (edited) theses on all sorts of subjects, not particularly English, I did them for money, I read them for enjoyment - I'm no expert.

Modesty is about dress and usually about the subjugation of women to men's idea of an ideal, submissive, slave-like child-bearer who dignify their demands by saying they were demanded by God. The punishments for dis-obedient women range from being deemed to be unmarriageable to denied life on the next planet with their god of a husband.

Religion is about ritual. As with all clubs there are signs and symbols and the greater observance of those, then the greater approval of their fellow members and those in authority. Conformity to the rules shows nothing beyond wanting to be a member in good standing of the club.

Religions also have exclusionary rules, ones that aren't difficult to keep but are there to show very visibly that the members are different and (by implication) superior. Sometimes its the non-eating of food (that isn't easily available in the religion's point of origin) or its a body-modification or quite simply in dress. Modesty in dress isn't enough for some religions, it must be a particular kind of dress, whether it is a weird hair-style (think male chassidim), a bad wig and thick stockings or something that looks like it came from a film costumiers. And of course these days modesty in peculiar clothes can be a political statement (burkha and niqab). None of this has anything at all to do with believing in or practising any of the tenets of the religion. And nothing at all to do with self-respect and self-esteem (quite obviously in some circumstances it even indicates the opposite).

It isn't exactly hypocrisy or fear of exclusion or punishment that keeps a woman practising the outward rules of religion (although it can be, of course). Mostly its just cultural, how one grows up, marries within 'the club' and continues on without ever questioning the reason why. Its just 'the proper way to do things', 'the way we've always done it'.

A woman clothed in her own self-respect needs no peer-approval of her outward appearance for her self-esteem. She has made what she says and what she does of prime importance as against how she looks. You don't assume a whole way of life and belief and attitude of mind on her appearance but must talk to her, or read about her, to find out what she's about. I have gone on quite long enough but I think you get what I mean, if not sorry, my tongue (my fingers) outrun my brain quite often!(less)
Dec 29, 2010 05:48am

Khaya Interesting. I guess Wendy Shalit would argue that modesty is meant to prevent objectification and subjugation of women by men, rather than the opposi...more
Dec 29, 2010 07:24am

Sep 17, 2007 Adrienne rated it 1 of 5 stars

Argh.

If it wasn't for the publication of Shalit's most recent book, "Girls Gone Mild," I'd suggest someone tell her to grow up a bit before writing another.

She has some interesting points, but I definitely get a "blame the victim" sense from her regarding her look at the exploitation of women in media and the trend of sexualizing little girls and adolescents.

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Mar 04, 2013 Rachelterry rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: sociology

Shalit offers compelling evidence of the harm done to our society from the 1960's sexual revolution and does a remarkable job of deconstructing common attitudes and phrases bounced around pop culture to rationalize our lack of morals and guidance for young people. Shalit is exactly my age, but she wrote this book when she was just 23, which I think is incredible. It's down-to-earth, well-researched, and very well written. In Shalit's view, modesty is a virtue that has protected women's safety, h...more

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Feb 06, 2013 Rosemary rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: library-books, read-2013

I found this book very refreshing. As someone who is tired of how today's society views sex and sexuality, I appreciated Wendy Shalit's opinions on the importance of modesty. This book was really affirming for me, saying that it's okay to want to be modest about dress and sex and personality; there may even be biological basis to support modesty.
My only complaint is that this book is like fifteen years old. And a lot has changed in those fifteen years. I would be curious to read how Shalit feels...more

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Aug 11, 2010 Jared Fontaine added it

Sounds very interesting. I think it should be illegal for women to wear pants in public! Women should all wear nice spring dresses. They look the most appealing and classy in a conservative dress.

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Oct 04, 2011 Ingrid rated it 2 of 5 stars

A like-minded individual would love this book and question none of it. But as one of those "feminists" Shalit refers to somewhat derisively in her book, I could not help but notice Shalit's casual tossing of completely unfounded statements into the core of her arguments. She has some interesting solutions to a problem that is in fact all-too real, but her solutions fail to take into consideration 1. historical fact (for example, her oft-repeated assertion that rape, sexual assault, and harassmen...more

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Sep 12, 2011 Clare Cannon rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: adults, non-fiction

A shocking but brilliant book which shows that the desensitisation inflicted by our culture damages our ability to love.

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Mar 06, 2009 Katie rated it 5 of 5 stars

I originally read this book when it first came out. I was a 19 year old and very earnest new feminist and women's studies major. Everyone around me told me this woman was laughable--and at the same time, incredibly dangerous. Perplexed, of course I had to take a look. I was stunned to find that I agreed with her on many points, and shared her discomfort with the way certain things are foisted on us nowadays--advanced sexual knowledge before puberty, "being comfortable with your body," mixed gend...more

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Feb 06, 2013 Tamsin Barlow rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

2.5 stars.
I read 100 pages, skipped 85 pages, and felt like Shalit was still arguing the same point. This book was overlong, a bit I overwrought and naïve, a polemic lacking scientific rigor, relying on assumptions, anecdotes, philosophers and fashion magazines to persuade. Regardless of it's limitations, I do agree with the book's main themes and feel that her writing may provide an invaluable service encouraging scholarly research on young adulthood. I'll admit I'm a religious person and beli...more

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Feb 04, 2013 Shannon Telenko rated it 3 of 5 stars

I read this at the tender age of 22 and had a totally different perspective on the world than I do now, (gulp) 14 years later. I totally agreed with much of what Shalit wrote, but I have a feeling if I were to read it now I would rip it apart (somewhat). I am personally "modest" but intrigued by people (grown adults) who are not and feel that you should do what makes you most comfortable. But I also think we should be raising our daughters and sons to think carefully about how they present thems...more

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Mar 25, 2013 Alyssa rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this book--Ms. Shalit provides a lot of interesting food for thought. There is definitely a recognition that she is viewing data with a certain goal in mind...but she writes with a great sense of humor and a tough sort of "protectiveness" towards girls in contemporary society. The things she writes may not be true of ALL contemporary girls/women...but they definitely resonated with me. I bookmarked a TON of passages that I'm keeping in my "favorite quotes" journal--thanks for co...more

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Oct 19, 2010 Melanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is about the negative impact the sexual revolution has had on our society and I found myself agreeing with the author over and over. I am bothered that I hear my friends and other parents telling me I have to have the sex talk with my kids soon, (5-6 yrs. old) or they'll hear about it from some kid on the playground. If we teach our kids their penis/vagina is just another body part, like their elbow, how will they know to be respectful and modest about sex? This book answers those ques...more

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Quotes from A Return to Modesty: D...

“Modesty answers not the crude how of femininity, but the beautiful why.” — 28 people liked it

“If you are not sensitive to rejection, doesn't that also mean you're indifferent to love?” — 10 people liked it

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title link	preview: A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue
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BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56748.A_Return_to_Modesty?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347900872l/56748.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56748.A_Return_to_Modesty?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit[/url]

A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue

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