Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace

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Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace

by Ayelet Waldman (Goodreads Author)

3.48 of 5 stars 3.48 · rating details · 2,307 ratings · 648 reviews

In the tradition of recent hits like The Bitch in the House and Perfect Madness comes a hilarious and controversial book that every woman will have an opinion about, written by America’s most outrageous writer.

In our mothers’ day there were good mothers, neglectful mothers, and occasionally great mothers.

Today we have only Bad Mothers.

If you work, you’re neglectful;if you...more

Hardcover, 224 pages

Published May 5th 2009 by Doubleday (first published January 1st 2009)

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Sep 06, 2010 Noramk2 rated it 3 of 5 stars

I liked this, and would recommend it to other mothers who like reading nonfiction about motherhood. I didn't agree with everything Waldman says, and her life and opinions are generally about as different from mine as you can get. Despite all that, many of her observations on motherhood rang true for me. Mainly the book is about the expectations we have for mothers and how the bar is set impossibly high. We're doomed to feel like failures because no one could possibly do all the things a "good" m...more

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Jul 01, 2009 Lisa rated it 5 of 5 stars

I had heard of Ayelet Waldman but had never read her work until this book. Ironically, I've read her husband's (Michael Chabon, Pulitzer-prize winning author).

In this book of essays, she is honest and personal, often at her expense. She doesn't shy away from controversy. She hints at essays she had published elsewhere (like the NY Times) that generated a lot of backlash and press (like saying she loves her husband more than her children). On the one hand, it's good that she doesn't reproduce th...more

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Nov 20, 2009 Julia rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor, non-fiction

I read this because I read all Michael Chabon's books and he wrote Manhood for Amateurs, which I read earlier this month, at least in part, as a response to this book. This is my first book by Waldman. I intend to check out her fiction, now.

Manhood for Amateurs The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son

Eighteen essays on parenting in Berkeley, on being Michael Chabon’s wife, on being the fallible mom (and daughter and daughter-in-law) to four kids and one heartbreaking one she knew she couldn’t keep and had terminated.

About her sexual history and her moth...more

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Mar 01, 2012 Florinda rated it 5 of 5 stars

It seems like there's been an ongoing conversation about motherhood for at least the last fifty years or so, accompanying the discussion of feminism in general - doing it right, doing it wrong, what it all means. And recently - in a development that has included blogs in a big way - the discussion has been joined by many new voices, and they're emphasizing telling the "truth" about motherhood and getting beyond the popular images. The thing about this truth-telling is that it shapes a picture th...more It seems like there's been an ongoing conversation about motherhood for at least the last fifty years or so, accompanying the discussion of feminism in general - doing it right, doing it wrong, what it all means. And recently - in a development that has included blogs in a big way - the discussion has been joined by many new voices, and they're emphasizing telling the "truth" about motherhood and getting beyond the popular images. The thing about this truth-telling is that it shapes a picture that makes many of us moms not look very good. Bad Mother is Ayelet Waldman's jump into the conversation, and she doesn't hold back. This is a long talk with your dear, painfully honest, over-sharing friend who is self-aware enough to know that she might be saying too much, but says it anyway, although she knows she's taking the risk that you might judge her unfavorably for it.

Waldman calls herself a Bad Mother chiefly because she falls short of the standard for the Good Mother, which is defined on the cover of the book. She knows that she doesn't measure up to it in the estimation of others - because they've frequently told her so - but she's far harder on herself, and she openly shares her failings here, starting with her own judgment of other Bad Mothers. There's a vogue for "mom confessions" about their "secret lives" lately, and although Waldman's contributions could be lumped in there, I hope they won't be.

The book is an interesting combination of memoir and essay; each of the eighteen pieces in it (there's a significance to that number which is explained in the Introduction) revolves around personal incidents which Waldman relates to her own reflections and opinions on parenting and society. Her opinions are strong and expressed with eloquence and passion, although she's not really attempting to persuade the reader to her way of thinking about anything. In that way, she's non-judgmental. Some of her experiences are familiar; raised with second-wave feminism's ambitions to "have it all," she was sure that her egalitarian marriage (to author Michael Chabon, who would work at home and was eager to be involved in child care and domestic matters) would make it possible to continue her full-time legal career after their first child was born. When it didn't, and she quit, stay-at-home mothering turned out not to be any easier to manage. Each of her four children has challenged her in different ways. However, Waldman has some confessions that are uniquely her own; while these are personal to her, they're part of her Bad Mother qualifications because of the ways they have - or will, or just might - affect her children.

The Good Mother that Waldman references is a pretty well-recognized and accepted construct in modern American society, but it's never been clear to me where it comes from, and I've yet to meet anyone who conforms to it completely. And yet it's rare to find a mother who hasn't felt judged against that standard. I'm not sure how much of that judgment really is coming from others and how much of it is self-inflicted, because this mysterious standard has been so internalized, but it's happening regardless. Bad Mother would be a great read for moms' book groups; it's certain to generate discussion on multiple levels about both Waldman's own stories and their relationship to bigger issues. I read it fairly quickly and found it thought-provoking and hard to put down, and I'm very interested in seeing other reactions to it.(less)

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Feb 25, 2012 Pat Lampe rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved this book. I found it thoughtful and well-written. Although I am twice the age of the author, not Jewish, and not nearly as liberal or open minded, her essays brought me back to the wonderful but anxiety-filled years of child rearing. The uncertainty of events and the fear of doing something irreparable.

I think it is more difficult now than when I was a young mother. We didn't know as much nor have access to so much immediate information. Nor did we have the comfort/pain of the mommy gro...more

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Jul 22, 2011 Ellie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, parenting

Now that my kids are in their late teens, I feel like I've left that particular battlefield of parenting-whose baby is early on their milestones, what designer wear onesies are in, at home vs. working mom, cloth vs. plastic; breast vs bottle, play dates, classes, narcissistic investment, guilt because you finally gave in and did the d*#! project for the kid since it's already 2 a.m., they're falling on their face & doing what is clearly going to be the worst project of the class (since the o...more

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May 11, 2011 Sara Beresford rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book completely surprised me. I was prepared to not like it, or to just listen to another person use the 'bad mother' idea to actually let you know that they are a fantastic mother.

In fact, this book was remarkable in its openness and honesty about mental illness, motherhood, and a lot of other uncomfortable/interesting subjects. It contained a few pearls of wisdom, but most of all I am amazed at a person who will just lay it all out there for everyone to see. This chick has guts.

If nothing...more

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May 05, 2011 Carrie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The parenting-warts-and-all memoir isn't quite as unusual as it once was, thank goodness, and that's thanks in no small part to Ayelet Waldman's ongoing efforts. There's no faulting Waldman's honesty. One wonders what charges her most vociferous critics (cited frequently in this book, to the point that these essays become at times an extended conversation with same) can lob at her that she hasn't already directed toward herself. Is she a "bad mother" for (admitting to) loving her husband more t...more

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Dec 28, 2010 Dollie rated it 3 of 5 stars

I think she does love her children very much and she got a bad rap for her opinions. On the other hand, she HAD to know what she was getting into. Speaking from experience the most ruthless critics on the planet of mothers are other mothers. It stems from insecurity and a need to feel justified in our own choices. Why we just can't live and let live, I don't know. She has four children and they were all pretty young at the same time at one point. My sense is people just didn't believe her: how d...more

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Dec 23, 2010 Melissa rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: didnt-finish

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Oct 03, 2010 Elizabeth rated it 1 of 5 stars

Ayelet Waldman writes essays about motherhood. While I was excited to hear her point of view--I had heard how she had been bashed for writing that she loved her husband more than her children, and I thought that was an interesting and probably just idea-- 100 pages in I had to put this book down because I couldn't take any more of Waldman's self indulgent rambling. She is often criticized for her excessively personal writing style and her chutzpah; according to her, this is often expressed as "I...more

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Sep 03, 2010 K2 ----- rated it 3 of 5 stars

I often give "Operating Instructions" by Anne Lamott to soon to be mothers and this book is makes a nice follow up for the exhausted new mom. I read it primarily because I have read several of Waldman's other fiction books this summer and wanted to see how she was writing nonfiction.

This is a keen collection of essays about the self-doubts many mother's harbor and a glimpse into the interior of her family life with four children. She doesn't hold back, she tells of her heart breaking decision t...more

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Aug 27, 2010 Stefani rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: audiobook

I became interested in Ayelet Waldman, after reading her husband's (Micheal Chabon) book on fatherhood... he made her sound like a fascinating woman.

I read this particular book, because, I just happened to stumble upon it at the library, but I wanted to get to know her better. I kept reading, because getting into the head of a modern mother became so compelling. As someone without children, and not contemplating motherhood - her book gave me a better perspective on what everyone else is going th...more

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Aug 02, 2010 Kathleen Hagen added it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010-audio-books, 2010-nonfiction

Bad Mother: a Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace, by Ayelet Waldman,narrated by mia Barron, produced by Recorded Books, downloaded from Audible.com.

The publisher explains this book as well as anyone:
Best-selling author Ayelet Waldman delivers a humorous, encouraging look at the nearly impossible - and often thankless! - job of mothering. Filled with
humor and deliciously outrageous observations on the world'smost difficult profession, Bad Mother is a g...more

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Aug 03, 2010 Khaya rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ebooks, memoirs, readablenonfiction

Reading this book took me back to my recent book club meeting. In a tangential conversation, my book club friends and I discussed the self-doubt we sometimes heard from parents our age about their decision not to use corporal punishment with their children. “It’s not the spanking itself,” one friend said. “It’s the whole style of discipline we use. Because if we tried to integrate spanking into our otherwise touchy-feely parenting techniques, it wouldn’t fit. The issue isn’t whether or not to sp...more Reading this book took me back to my recent book club meeting. In a tangential conversation, my book club friends and I discussed the self-doubt we sometimes heard from parents our age about their decision not to use corporal punishment with their children. “It’s not the spanking itself,” one friend said. “It’s the whole style of discipline we use. Because if we tried to integrate spanking into our otherwise touchy-feely parenting techniques, it wouldn’t fit. The issue isn’t whether or not to spank; it’s whether we should have adopted the whole discipline package that spanking is a part of.”

This discussion, I think, is indicative of the Gen-X parenting angst that lots of us are experiencing. We fully intended to be more mindful than our parents, many of whom took the, um, seat-of-the-pants approach. Unlike our parents, we read books on how to talk to our children, and how to discipline them, and how to engage their cooperation. Many of us have been or still go to therapy, both to overcome our dysfunctional childhoods (ever notice how practically everybody seems to have had one?) and to ensure that we don’t transfer the dysfunction onto our children. We earnestly believed that integrating all this information would pave the royal road to being a perfect parent.

Disappointment and disillusionment were inevitable, I suppose. Because there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, obviously, and there’s certainly no easy path to that unattainable goal or even to the more realistic goal of being a good-enough parent. And even when you do achieve some success as a parent, it doesn’t always feel good in the moment.

The Sisyphean task of meeting self-imposed impossible parenting standards gives rise to much cognitive dissonance, which may be why some mothers resort to sanctimoniousness – especially when it comes to parents who seem to be eschewing all the effort they’ve been investing. This sanctimoniousness is a major target for Ayelet Waldman in “Bad Mother,” a series of thoughtful essays on the experience of being a less-than-perfect (a.k.a. average) mother and being ripped for it. Many of the essays are repetitive and self-indulgent at times, and as a religious person some of them were difficult for me to relate to. A lot of the essays resonated with my experience, though, and even when Ayelet rambled I didn’t mind accompanying her on her winding train of thought.

Ayelet talks about the flak she received for expressing the unpopular view that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. I actually thought this was kind of interesting. I mean, honestly? I could see why, in many ways, at least some of the time, a husband can be a heck of a lot easier to love. As another adult, odds are that he doesn’t try your patience in the same ways the children do. A husband is (hopefully) mature enough to back off when you need space instead of insisting that you listen to yet another knock-knock joke. And let’s be honest – his conversation is probably a heck of a lot more stimulating than your six-year-old’s. Although I wouldn’t go so far as to say unequivocally, as Ayelet did, that I love my husband more than I love my children, I hear where Ayelet is coming from and I’m not sure why people gave her such a bum rap. I must ask, at the risk of sounding like a knee-jerk feminist: would people have reacted as violently if a man had admitted to loving his wife more than he loved his children?

In another essay, Ayelet talks about her mother’s frustrated feminist fantasies and Ayelet’s initial attempts to live up to them by having a demanding career while her husband stayed home with the baby. Ayelet describes her various successes and failures in this regard: seeking a man who would be a house husband in theory but feeling put off by unambitious men in practice; giving up her career to be home with the kids for a while because she felt she was missing out on their childhood and ultimately pursuing a second, though less demanding, career because being a stay-at-home mom didn’t do it for her. Many women, I think, can relate to these dilemmas. Unfortunately, they may not be lucky enough to land a guy like Michael Chabon who’s both wildly successful and willing to pull his weight at home, or to find a career that offers the right amount of stimulation without completely taking over their lives. Still, although Ayelet does come off as pretty self-congratulatory when it comes to her perfect guy and her still-passionate marriage, she tempers this by being brutally honest about her many failings.

I even liked the essay about Ayelet’s nursing difficulties when her son was born with a malformed palate, and the unsolicited criticism she received from strangers for bottle-feeding her baby. I thought it was a good illustration of Ayelet’s running theme of how judgmental people are when it comes to parenting, and how unfair this can be. Other essays explore Ayelet’s complicated jealous feelings toward her mother-in-law and how they eventually gave way to appreciation; the trials and tribulations of having to do homework with kids; the need to take a step back from imposing your own childhood angst on your children who may not need the protection you desperately want to offer them; Ayelet’s heartrending decision to abort a fetus because of possible genetic abnormalities; the need to believe in your child’s giftedness versus having to face his limitations; the ups and downs of being honest with a child, and more.

This was actually a well-timed book for me as I struggle to entertain my four children who have no day camp to occupy them, in a non-air-conditioned apartment with a husband who is out of town for work and will be for the next few weeks. As I whine and pity myself (and occasionally try to shut out the bickering by hiding in the computer room for a few minutes with e-books and goodreads checking), it was therapeutic for me to read about another imperfect mother’s struggles and her encouragement to rise above the criticism, self-imposed or otherwise, and just do the best you can.
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Jul 26, 2010 Amy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting-family

Ayelet Waldman is a self-confessed bad mother, the only problem being that it only takes a few pages of reading to decide that she's wrong. I felt like I was a bad mother myself as I devoured this book after coming home from the library today, leaving my six children to their own devices. The author's tendency to overanalyze and feel guilt over every minute aspect of her parenting and her much-critized confession that she loves her husband more than she loves her children were easy for me to ide...more

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Jul 11, 2010 Julie Ekkers rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

I guess Ayelet Waldman isn't for everyone; I know she riled a lot of people up with her New York Times piece in which she stated that she loved her husband more than her children. That piece is, in fact, the take-off point for this collection of essays all to do with mothering, and many to do with why mothers set their bar so high in a way that fathers do not, and why they beat themselves up so hard when they do not meet or surpass that bar. I suppose some might fault this book for portraying on...more

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Jun 29, 2010 Stephanie rated it 4 of 5 stars

I read Ayelet Waldman’s book Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace after hearing Ms. Waldman interviewed on NPR. I have complained in the past about at least one memorist being reluctant to share her warts with her readers. Ms. Waldman, however, lets us see her as she is, warts and all, with a willingness that she attributes to her bipolarism:

“The bipolar inability to resist the impulse to reveal inappropriately intimate details of one’s li...more

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Jun 10, 2010 David rated it 4 of 5 stars

Collection of essays on her experiences as a writer and mom of 4 kids, unifying theme being her struggle to accept that "jugglers invariably drop balls, and no matter the persistent criticism of the Bad Mother police, balls do bounce. When they fall all you need to do is pick them up and throw them back up in the air." (p. 41).

Very very intense person, at times well beyond what I could relate to (e.g., confesses to being extremely jealous of her mother-in-law b/c she got to know her son [author...more

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Apr 04, 2010 Emily rated it 2 of 5 stars

I found Ayelet Waldman’s memoirs to be heartfelt and genuine. I laughed and I cried. But I don’t relate to her Jewish heritage, I wholeheartedly disagree with her position on abortion, and I have so far turned out to be what she might describe as a ninny who actually likes to listen to Raffi with my daughter. The last chapters turned out to be quite liberal, and not much about motherhood. I guess I didn’t realize how conservative I am... This book opened my eyes about the kind of mother I am and...more

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Mar 25, 2010 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: essays, marriage, memoir, motherhood, parenting

Overview

Subtitled "A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace," Bad Mother is a warts-and-all look at Waldman's experiences as a mother. (She has four children.) These types of books are like catnip to me. What mother doesn't want to learn that she is not alone in her misgivings about her mothering skills?

Waldman writes openly and honestly about a wide variety of topics, including:

* pursuing a career versus staying at home (Waldman gave up a high-powered car...more

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Feb 08, 2010 Audra rated it 2 of 5 stars

I probably would have given this book at least a 3 - possibly a 4 - when I started reading, as I identified with a lot of the points the author made in the first several chapters. However, as the book progressed, a few themes emerged, notably, "get off my back" and "my husband is my superhero." In fact, as I continued to read, it became clear to me that women who have normal husbands (i.e., they contribute as best they can, in spite of jobs that require them to leave their home every day), and w...more I probably would have given this book at least a 3 - possibly a 4 - when I started reading, as I identified with a lot of the points the author made in the first several chapters. However, as the book progressed, a few themes emerged, notably, "get off my back" and "my husband is my superhero." In fact, as I continued to read, it became clear to me that women who have normal husbands (i.e., they contribute as best they can, in spite of jobs that require them to leave their home every day), and women who perhaps do more than 50% of the house-work, and are OK WITH THAT, are not going to be able to identify with the author - which could be the root of why the Mommy Police came after her in the first place. (Not that I'm saying I agree with the Mommy Police, necessarily; I generally agree with the "get off my back" theme - I just wish it had been a little more concise.) By the end, I was simply tired, and I felt that it was at times repetitious to a fault, and perhaps even disingenuous. How can I find disingenuity in the work of someone who clearly set out to be as brutally honest as possible? Perhaps it's because at times she seemed too caught up in labeling (for instance, capitalizing Good Mother and Bad Mother during very serious, heavy, and emotional sections of the book; in another instance, the front cover DRIVES ME NUTS [though I recognize that detail may have been out of the author's control). Perhaps it's because she seems to think very highly of her opinions and her intelligence - more highly than others' opinions and intelligence - and is outspoken enough that the expression of those opinions makes her seem insensitive and insincere. One selling point: while the author's worldview was apparent, she generally managed to leave her politics out of the book, and concentrated on the struggles of parenting without rabbit-trailing into who's right vs. who's wrong politcally. In fact, I felt like she treated several hot-button political items with impressive fairness. I deeply appreciate that.

I guess for me, in the end, it comes down to this: "Could I be that self-abnegating woman?" And I ask: Isn't every mother, at some point in time, that self-abnegating woman? Why is there a contest? And is this book by definition one more opportunity to paste a label, instead of move on to better things?(less)

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Dec 19, 2009 Clara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2009, dc-public-library, read-it-in-dc

Waldman honestly (also shamelessly and self-promotingly) reveals the profound ambivalence toward motherhood and all its ramifications that grips women more tightly than ever. It's an ambivalence that manifests in the perceived inability of a mother to make proper parenting decisions and balance ambitions beyond parenthood, and an ambivalence that drives me -- a non-mother, prospective but hesitant about the whole deal -- to read these essays.

My impression of this collection of essays is ultimate...more

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Dec 15, 2009 Julie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: motherhood, non-fiction

i liked this book and i enjoyed reading about her life and her children (she and michael chabon have four kids). but at times it surprised me by veering off into a too-indulgent memoir. she makes some very excellent points, however, as she argues that we are all way too hard on mothers, who expect and are expected to be perfect. i liked her call to embrace and allow for "good enough" parenting. i thought she was really right on when she mentioned the berkeley parents network and how extremist an...more

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Nov 20, 2009 Judith rated it 4 of 5 stars

Ayelet Waldman stirred up controversy when she said that she loved her husband more than her kids. She repeated the statement on national television and became a target for mothers everywhere. This is so patently transparently a publicity stunt that I cannot believe anyone could take it seriously. It reminds me of those games we used to play: "if you were on a lifeboat and you had to chose between . . . " etc. There is no comparison between spouses and children and no one needs to compare them,...more

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Oct 30, 2009 Shelah rated it 4 of 5 stars

I seriously doubt that any woman who gives birth to a baby goes into it aspiring to be a bad mother. But within days, hours, and honestly probably before the baby is even born, we all have moments where we're sure we're not going to be as good at this motherhood thing as we want to be. One of my first bad mother moments came when Eddie bought me flowers to celebrate my coming home from a business trip when I was pregnant. The flowers died, but instead of dumping out the glass they'd been in, I l...more I seriously doubt that any woman who gives birth to a baby goes into it aspiring to be a bad mother. But within days, hours, and honestly probably before the baby is even born, we all have moments where we're sure we're not going to be as good at this motherhood thing as we want to be. One of my first bad mother moments came when Eddie bought me flowers to celebrate my coming home from a business trip when I was pregnant. The flowers died, but instead of dumping out the glass they'd been in, I left it sitting out on the counter. The next morning, I grabbed what I thought was a glass of water, but instead it was dead stems and plant food. And I've wondered ever since what kind of damage it inflicted on my kid.

My point is, we all have moments when we worry that we're bad moms. Waldman points out that the standards for good fathers (that they're involved when they're home, that they show up to things when they can, that they wear the Baby Bjorn from time to time) and for good mothers (perfection, constant perfection) are vastly different, and the standards we place on ourselves as mothers are unattainable. So Waldman goes on to show how she, as a mother tries, her best, enumerates what her fears are, and worries that she still falls short.

Waldman is honest in Bad Mother. Perhaps a little too honest sometimes (she talks in a chapter on bipolar disorder that she both fears passing her condition on to her kids and recognizes that it makes her, and other writers, better at what they do because they're often not afraid to overshare). She writes about everything from the crushing boredom she found when she quit her job as a public defendant to stay at home with her oldest, to her fears that her sons will grow up and leave her (and she therefore wishes that they'll be gay), to the way she and her husband still enjoy having sex with each other (and the brouhaha that ensued when she wrote that she loved her husband more than her kids). Much of the book is light, but Waldman also writes about the wrenching decision she and her husband faced when she was pregnant for the third time and an amniocentesis showed the baby might be born with severe disabilities. They eventually decided to abort the baby, and while Waldman feels they made the right decision for their family, Rocketship (their pet name for that baby) has definitely had an impact on Waldman's mothering and the family's dynamic.

Read Bad Mother. Be prepared to laugh, to feel disgusted at times, and to ultimately be glad that Waldman and other women like her are out there who make you feel like the muddling-through you do each day isn't so bad, after all. (less)

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Oct 11, 2009 Amy rated it 3 of 5 stars

From the book jacket: Today we have only Bad Mothers. If you work, you're neglectful; if you stay home, you're smothering. If you discipline, you're buying them a spot on the shrink's couch; if you let them run wild, they will be into drugs by seventh grade. If you buy organic, you're spending their college fund; if you don't, you're risking all sorts of allergies and illnesses. Is it any wonder so many women refer to themselves at one time or another as a "bad mother"?

This book is written by th...more

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Aug 03, 2009 Lindsay rated it 2 of 5 stars

Recommended to Lindsay by: newsweek

Shelves: memoir, women-and-feminism

This gritty, sometimes heart-wrenching memoir struck a chord. Waldman's vignettes illustrate an aspect of misogyny that is pervasive, specifically among women. Could it be that the self-deprecation so many mothers take part in cannot be contained and thus ends up spilling out onto other mothers? Maybe it's correlation and not causation. The root of it does seem to be that many women simply think that they know what is best for other women and their families (She shouldn't work full time. She rea...more

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Jul 22, 2009 Kate rated it 3 of 5 stars

Wow. Well, once again, a book where the author shares personal experiences and feelings to a degree that I find at once brave and shocking. I do not agree with some (most?) of her parenting style/approach, or even the over-sharing that I admittedly took advantage of by reading this book. However, it was well-written in many regards, and the premise actually speaks to my negative reaction to her parenting: We moms should cut eachother a break.
It was at times difficult to read such personal and co...more

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Jul 20, 2009 Leah rated it 3 of 5 stars

Very worth reading--provocative. It features, at its best, original perspectives on issues you've thought about a million times--but never quite thought about in the way Ayelet does.

Two things annoyed me: The if-only-men-did-more-household-chores-they'd-get-more-sex argument (yawn!). And the overly precious telling of her woes at imaging her children growing up and away from her. Not that that isn't fertile territory--only that she doesn't bring anything new to it.

What I do find very brave and...more

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About Ayelet Waldman

Ayelet Waldman is the author of the forthcoming Love and Treasure (Knopf, January 2014), Red Hook Road and The New York Times bestseller Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace. Her novel Love and Other Impossible Pursuits was made into a film starring Natalie Portman. Her personal essays and profiles of such public figures as Hillary Clinton ha...more

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Books by Ayelet Waldman

Nursery Crimes (A Mommy-Track Mystery, #1)

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“Even if i'm setting myself up for failure, I think it's worth trying to be a mother who delights in who her children are, in their knock-knock jokes and earnest questions. A mother who spends less time obseessing about what will happen, or what has happened, and more time reveling in what is. A mother who doesn't fret over failings and slights, who realizes her worries and anxieties are just thoughts, the continuous chattering and judgement of a too busy mind. A mother who doesn't worry so much about being bad or good but just recognizes that she's both, and neither. A mother who does her best, and for whom that is good enough, even if, in the end, her best turns out to be, simply, not bad. ” — 68 people liked it

“Let's all commit ourselves to the basic civility of minding our own business. Failing that, let's go back to a time when we were nasty and judgmental, but only behind one another's backs.” — 5 people liked it

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title link	preview: Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace
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BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5664839-bad-mother?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1320457680l/5664839.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5664839-bad-mother?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace by Ayelet Waldman[/url]

Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace

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