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12th out of 45 books
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55 voters
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The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones
“This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the subtle secrets that can either enrich or destroy the quality of our ties with others.” Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relati...more
“This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the subtle secrets that can either enrich or destroy the quality of our ties with others.” Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relati...more
Paperback, 336 pages
Published
June 25th 2002
by Three Rivers Press
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This book is about relationships and fostering understanding of emotions in yourself and others. Gottman lays it all out so intuitively that there is no question whether or not he is accurate. It's like an owners manual for people. I wish I would have read it 10 years ago...
This is one of the very few books that I'm going to keep as a reference. Most of the time I can read and absorb all of the content from a book and sell it, give it away, whatever. But, the excercises and mate...more
This is one of the very few books that I'm going to keep as a reference. Most of the time I can read and absorb all of the content from a book and sell it, give it away, whatever. But, the excercises and mate...more
Kenny Tang
added it
Interesting read. Stories were simple and easy to understand. Got into this book because of a section in Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink" in which he claimed Gottman's research allowed researchers to predict relationship outcomes with near certainty with just minutes of observation. I was thinking that it would have some magical formula in which if people curled their lip or moved their eyebrows a certain way and TADA!! You knew they were perfect or doomed. But after reading the book, it jus...more
Dr. John Gottman’s research on successful marriages at his laboratory at the University of Washington blazed new trials in the realm of psychology. With the publication of his seminal work The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman literally wrote the book on how to save failing marriages. Every relationship book written since that pivotal text has been heavily influenced by Gottman’s research.
It has been my experience that authors who discover successful psychological tech...more
It has been my experience that authors who discover successful psychological tech...more
Rosalyn
marked it as to-read
if Undefended Love is supposed to have me work on myself, I think this is supposed to help me take what I've learned about myself and actively build better relationships with other people. meaning, respond nicer to others and be a better listener. we'll see.
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I found the idea of "bids" for interaction to be interesting. It will make me more aware of when and how others are trying to connect. As far as other parts of the book go, they may have resonated less because they seemed similar to personality testing and evaluations I have been forced to do in the corporate world. For those not exposed to, for example, the DISC system, there may be a greater degree of interest. The portion of the book relating to being in touch or comfortable wit...more
Very interesting book about what makes relationships work or fail to work. The premise is that relationships are built from bids for connection, which can be anything from making a comment to inviting someone to lunch, requesting help, or touching someone. The other person in the relationship can respond in one of three ways:
- turning toward the bid: responding in a way that conveys "I heard you, and I care," ranging from nodding or making a face in agreement to a serious emotion...more
- turning toward the bid: responding in a way that conveys "I heard you, and I care," ranging from nodding or making a face in agreement to a serious emotion...more
suggested by a psychologist friend who knows what he's talking about. also referenced by malcolm gladwell in one of his books, i forget which.
normally i'm wary of how-to books on relationships, but gottman has the practical experience and knowledge of a scientist to back himself up. read about what he terms "the bidding process" and you'll be hooked; just a practical and effective way to implement the golden rule.
normally i'm wary of how-to books on relationships, but gottman has the practical experience and knowledge of a scientist to back himself up. read about what he terms "the bidding process" and you'll be hooked; just a practical and effective way to implement the golden rule.
from the library computer
Table of Contents
Preface
How We Connect Emotionally
Look at Your Bids for Connection
Six Bid Busters and How to Avoid Them
Discover Your Brain's Emotional Command Systems
Examine Your Emotional Heritage
Sharpen Your Emotional Communication Skills
Find Shared Meaning
Apply What You've Learned
In Marriage
In Parenthood
In Friendship
In Sibling R...more
Table of Contents
Preface
How We Connect Emotionally
Look at Your Bids for Connection
Six Bid Busters and How to Avoid Them
Discover Your Brain's Emotional Command Systems
Examine Your Emotional Heritage
Sharpen Your Emotional Communication Skills
Find Shared Meaning
Apply What You've Learned
In Marriage
In Parenthood
In Friendship
In Sibling R...more
I picked up this book not because I have particular trouble with relationships but because I immensely enjoyed the first book of Gottman's that I read (Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child). As such, I found the book to be a bit uninteresting at times and, admittedly, I could not bring myself to finish the book. That said, I still rate this book a "3" because it has great insights into the basic building block of relationships (the "bid"), and I am a much better person be...more
Recommended by a counselor. A few of the self tests were useful, but overall I didn't need the tests to predict the outcomes. The basic ideas presented are valid, but it really could have been a magazine article rather than a whole book. A lot of the examples elicited an eye-rolling response from me. There are better books on communication styles and building relationships.
After years of reading many, many, many self-help books I have learned that I get more useful information from books that are based on science. Thank you, John Gottman. This book makes a lot about the interaction between people clear. I think I got more insight from this book than changes in my lfe, but insight is a good first step- change takes practice.
Incredible research as to why relationships work and don't work- this man's research has allowed him to predict divorce with 90% accuracy. He is someone I would trust for information on how to avoid disaster in relationships- and this book highlights one very simple aspect of interaction that is in charge of EVERY success or failure.
Destiny
added it
I read this bk for a relationships class, it was very good and very insightful. Blaine and I both took the online test I scored an 18 he scored a 16. There are other tests in the book to take as well...it doesn't just cover romantic relationships but friends and children as well.
The Relationship Cure: A cutting edge in understanding practical relationship issues. Down to earth and helpful. Speaks to old myths and helps understand the difficulties of living and loving togther. Good practical help.
John Gottman's decades-long research of relationships informs his guide to how to have a healthy relationship. If you want to greatly increase the chances of your relationships' lasting, read this book and start applying these principles.
actually, i didnt really finish this book. but i think i'm done reading it for now. i could see myself coming back to it later. it just wasn't what i was looking for at the time. but it's well written and it's interesting enough. it's not dumbed down or patronizing.
it's for people who aren't very intuitive about what other people are thinking. and for people who are wrapped up in their own feelings. or people who feel disconnected from others and they don't know why.
most...more
it's for people who aren't very intuitive about what other people are thinking. and for people who are wrapped up in their own feelings. or people who feel disconnected from others and they don't know why.
most...more
Gave me quite a bit of insight into why my relationship struggle sometimes and gives real ways I can improve them. Not easy, but useful.
Very well researched and very insightful. THis book addresses relationships between spouses, parents and children, friends and coworkers so it is quite comprehensive. There are a lot of workbook-like activities to do throughout the book to give one more insight to ones self, so that may or may not float your boat. I would recommend this book highly, I thought it was one of the top books I've read this year.
why: perused this at a lecture by John Medina (Brain Rules) after he presented much compelling info from Gottman's research
A bit cheesy because it has to appeal to a wide audience, but really interesting research on human interaction.
By introducing the concept of the "bid", someones attempt to reach out to another, this book cues one in to how to strenghten all types of relationships by recognizing when someone is bidding for your attention and how you react to those bids, and also how you bid for others attention. Something in the book reminded me of the Prophet (saws) and how he (saws) would look directly at people giving them his undivided attention. Perhaps this was a major cause for why people felt so close t...more
This was suggested to me, as the best relationship book out there. There was lots of information, quizes, that address all relationships, including friends, coworkers, family and others. It was hard (but interesting) reading, lots to absorb. But I think it's making me a better person.
The Relationship Cure had a lot of good insights into making connections ("bids") with people to develop healthy relationships. The book really wasn't what I expected though and I got bored with it. I thought it would have more research from studies (which I'm sure all the points and such were taken from studies, but I wanted to hear about the actual studies). Also, especially towards the end of the book all the same questions and exercises got very repetitive. I think there was go...more
I really enjoyed this book. It was a bit long on some parts but I came away with some pertinent information that I will put to good use. There are also exercises to do in the book too.
The book is mainly about building better relationships with family, coworkers, friends and partners. I especially enjoyed the part about how to understand your children's feelings better.
Another great, informative book by Dr John Gottman, Ph.D. Kudos!
The book is mainly about building better relationships with family, coworkers, friends and partners. I especially enjoyed the part about how to understand your children's feelings better.
Another great, informative book by Dr John Gottman, Ph.D. Kudos!
Excellent book. Provides a number of great insights into relationships. It is geared more towards married couples, although it gives solid advice for any type of relationship. I found many of the principles that it teaches to be immediately applicable and easy to do. Very thought provoking. I highly recommend it.
I think that John Gottman is brilliant. This is tecnhnically a self-help book, but the reader gets a treat because Gottman backs up everything with solid research, unlike pop psychologists like John Gray. When reading this book I found myself thinking back to several situations in my own life with a renewed prespective. The simple and practical principles in this book will be of beneft to myself and my clients.
Ridiculous name for a book. But this book helps you strengthen your relationship with anyone you want to (friend, coworker, neighbor, spouse, children). My relationship with my husband has always been good, but I can't believe how much better it got after applying the things I learned in this book. I borrowed this book from the library, but I'm off to purchase it today because I need it in my collection.
Really insightful so far. Looking forward to discovering its actual usefulness.
I only had a chance to skim the last few chapters since I hat to return it to the library. But it had lots of lists of ways to connect with different people in your life, and practical suggestions. I think it would be hard if both partners weren't already committed though, but maybe that's just my bias.
I only had a chance to skim the last few chapters since I hat to return it to the library. But it had lots of lists of ways to connect with different people in your life, and practical suggestions. I think it would be hard if both partners weren't already committed though, but maybe that's just my bias.
Good practical advice.
Main thing I got from this is "Awareness". Be more aware of your communication and the void between your inner world and how you bring that to other people.
Notice other's bids for connection.
Also give-in more often in arguments because the greater goal is peace in the relationship, not proving yourself right.
Main thing I got from this is "Awareness". Be more aware of your communication and the void between your inner world and how you bring that to other people.
Notice other's bids for connection.
Also give-in more often in arguments because the greater goal is peace in the relationship, not proving yourself right.
Helpful read for effective communication strategies directed towards the important people in our lives. Gottman does provide helpful instruction, especially for those who do not intuitively understand how to communicate emotionally-laden information. Too much in the way of exercises, homework, etc for my taste. Worth a quick read.
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Dr. Gottman is the co-founder of the Gottman Institute™ with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, where he currently teaches weekend workshops for couples and training workshops for clinicians. He is the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute, where they are developing programs for parents transitioning to parenthood and are beginning a new research project on treatment for Do...more
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