6th out of 31 books
—
20 voters
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the US's leading expert on violent behaviour, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger - before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and...more
Paperback, 352 pages
Published
July 2000
by Bloomsbury Publishing PLC
(first published 1997)
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This book is a primer on how to keep yourself safe by listening to your own intuition and following your instincts. Violence is seldom random - we almost always have warning signals long before the boyfriend refuses to be broken up with or the employee with the gun climbs the clock tower.
I'll relate my own Gavin de Becker-esqe story here, by way of example.
Several years ago I had a well-liked roommate who needed to break the lease and move to another city. We both interviewed roommates from the...more
I'll relate my own Gavin de Becker-esqe story here, by way of example.
Several years ago I had a well-liked roommate who needed to break the lease and move to another city. We both interviewed roommates from the...more
Mar 03, 2010
Goran Powell
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
All martial Artists
Recommended to Goran by:
Especially Women
All martial artists should read this.
Hopefully you already know that awareness is by far the most important aspect of self-defense. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker tells us how to tune into the body's natural awareness (a subconscious intuition for danger that is hard-wired into our psyche). Basically he argues that our intuition is a far better judge than our logical mind when it comes to danger.
The author runs a security firm that guards Presidents and A list celebs among others, his tra...more
Hopefully you already know that awareness is by far the most important aspect of self-defense. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker tells us how to tune into the body's natural awareness (a subconscious intuition for danger that is hard-wired into our psyche). Basically he argues that our intuition is a far better judge than our logical mind when it comes to danger.
The author runs a security firm that guards Presidents and A list celebs among others, his tra...more
Aug 20, 2008
Sheena
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Everyone who interacts with people at all. Meaning, you.
Shelves:
reference
After the fifth or sixth person either recommended "The Gift of Fear" or mentioned reading it, I made sure to find it at the library.
"The Gift of Fear" is a tough read at times, due to discussion of violent crimes. However, the subject -- learning to trust that true reaction of fear when in a situation or encountering someone that just doesn't seem right -- is one that more people should spend time thinking about.
While De Becker emphasizes listening to the reaction of fear, he discourages worry,...more
"The Gift of Fear" is a tough read at times, due to discussion of violent crimes. However, the subject -- learning to trust that true reaction of fear when in a situation or encountering someone that just doesn't seem right -- is one that more people should spend time thinking about.
While De Becker emphasizes listening to the reaction of fear, he discourages worry,...more
a friend gave me this book when I was 18, after a traumatic event in my life. im rating it five stars not just for the content, but for as valuable as i (personally and directly) found it to be. i have reread it a few times, and its relevancy and accuracy hasnt diminished.
i recommend this book to women i know who care about personal safety, but also to people who are interested in the patterns of human behavior; its not just insight into what i consider 'bad behavior,' its a very interesting be...more
i recommend this book to women i know who care about personal safety, but also to people who are interested in the patterns of human behavior; its not just insight into what i consider 'bad behavior,' its a very interesting be...more
Removed a caveat here that said I hadn't quite finished the book because, well, I've finished it. Thoughts haven't changed. Enjoy the review!
People are saying that this should be required reading for all women, and while there's certainly a heavy emphasis on women in dangerous relationships or situations, this recommendation is a wee bit shortsighted. I think that everyone could benefit from reading it, particularly when it comes to the examples he gave about the businessman who wouldn't leave a...more
People are saying that this should be required reading for all women, and while there's certainly a heavy emphasis on women in dangerous relationships or situations, this recommendation is a wee bit shortsighted. I think that everyone could benefit from reading it, particularly when it comes to the examples he gave about the businessman who wouldn't leave a...more
Not perfectly written or organized, but still a must read.
The book says it's scientifically proven that we non-sociopaths have a physical reaction around sociopaths that we try to ignore or explain away, especially if the sociopath seems "normal." Book walks the reader through our own animal instincts designed to protect us, giving examples of when our bodies say no (suddenly tense, sweating, urge to run) but our brains, in fear of looking dumb or rude, say yes (he looks like a nice guy, sure I...more
The book says it's scientifically proven that we non-sociopaths have a physical reaction around sociopaths that we try to ignore or explain away, especially if the sociopath seems "normal." Book walks the reader through our own animal instincts designed to protect us, giving examples of when our bodies say no (suddenly tense, sweating, urge to run) but our brains, in fear of looking dumb or rude, say yes (he looks like a nice guy, sure I...more
This book has some useful information, particularly for women, and I appreciate that Mr. de Becker gives the reader permission to trust her instincts while aiming to educate and fine-tune her intuition. That said, he seemed to spend a lot of time at the beginning telling me what he was going to tell me instead of just jumping in and telling me. Also, the closer I got to the end of the book, the more outlandish, sensational, and extreme the examples of violent behavior became and the less applica...more
Dec 06, 2009
D.M.
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
everybody
Shelves:
self-help,
psychology
I'm interested in psychology/human nature I thought this popular book was well worth reading. It talks about warning signs from people who could do harm, whether it be physical or emotional and whether those people could be strangers, in the workplace or well known to one.
It's a comprehensive book on the subject and, at times, I feel it is somewhat drawn out and overstated, particularly in the first half. But I think the author is summarising his career and endeavouring to get his point made. Th...more
It's a comprehensive book on the subject and, at times, I feel it is somewhat drawn out and overstated, particularly in the first half. But I think the author is summarising his career and endeavouring to get his point made. Th...more
The most important book I've ever read. I first encountered de Becker when he was on Oprah years ago, talking about what to teach your child if they get lost in a public place. "Tell them to find a woman who looks like a mommy and ask her for help." After all, how often is a policeman around? This pragmatic, common sense approach stuck with me.
Later, a friend in law enforcement suggested this book and I read it in one sitting. Have a coworker who makes you uneasy? Read this book. Trying to get o...more
Later, a friend in law enforcement suggested this book and I read it in one sitting. Have a coworker who makes you uneasy? Read this book. Trying to get o...more
"This book can save your life"...I strongly believe EVERY women should go and buy or borrow this book ASAP. It is unbelievable at how brilliant this book is.
One of the things (but they're many) that really got to me was how Becker really put things in perspective. I'll never ever forget the example of the Antelope in the desert that only "senses" danger in a field; You've seen it on the Discovery Channel where the animals head jerks up and out of no where he runs. Then the next minute a lion or...more
One of the things (but they're many) that really got to me was how Becker really put things in perspective. I'll never ever forget the example of the Antelope in the desert that only "senses" danger in a field; You've seen it on the Discovery Channel where the animals head jerks up and out of no where he runs. Then the next minute a lion or...more
The more I think about this book, the more impressed I feel with how useful it is. So often, information about avoiding danger that is given to people, particularly women, is unhelpful, dangerous, sexist, and/or serves only to feed into paranoia.
De Becker, in contrast, draws a strong distinction between the culture of fear that we live in (where TV news and email forwards cultivate fear of dangers that are unlikely to occur), and fear as an instinctive tool one can use to protect oneself. He poi...more
De Becker, in contrast, draws a strong distinction between the culture of fear that we live in (where TV news and email forwards cultivate fear of dangers that are unlikely to occur), and fear as an instinctive tool one can use to protect oneself. He poi...more
This book was recommended to me years ago by Tony Blauer and Van Canna Sensei, a very high ranking (and very skilled) Uechi-Ryu instructor. I've read it several times since then, and recently re-read it as prep for a project for my book publicity class. It's a great book, so I thought I'd throw a review of it up here.
The Gift of Fear is a book about violence. Specifically, it's about predicting violence, and how most modern people ignore the signals that their intuition and their body give them...more
The Gift of Fear is a book about violence. Specifically, it's about predicting violence, and how most modern people ignore the signals that their intuition and their body give them...more
I saw a girl reading this on the subway and remembered that I read it 5 years ago or so on the recommendation of a friend. It's basically a book version of those internet forwards that tell women how to protect themselves from random attackers and/or serial killers. The gist of it is: Be aware of how you feel and don't discount your fear.
To some extent, this is smart - most people feel afraid for good reason, and you shouldn't feel silly about your fear. The thing I remember most vividly is a s...more
To some extent, this is smart - most people feel afraid for good reason, and you shouldn't feel silly about your fear. The thing I remember most vividly is a s...more
Forgot to add this to my "read" shelf when I joined Goodreads until I saw that Tori is reading it. This book did change my life and years after reading it, there are many points that remain vivid in my memory and I actually recall them fairly regularly. Although the grim reality of what women in particular face in the sense of being targets on a daily basis is made quite clear through the book and scared me, that wears off while the insights gained have changed my perspective on protecting mysel...more
Do yourself a favor and read this book several times--you will never doubt your instincts again! Y'know when you meet someone and those little hairs stick up on the back of your neck and you feel silly about not trusting them because you want to give all folks the benefit of the doubt...well, *don't*--it could cost your life or extensive grief! This book also doesn't say to doubt everybody but the overall message is to trust your instincts and if something isn't right--believe it!
He also gives t...more
He also gives t...more
This should be required reading for all women everywhere, if only for the opening story. Guy gives women the creeps, offers to help her carry her bags. Not wanting to seem rude, she aquiesces & he "promises" that he'll leave her apartment after he sets her stuff down. Instead, he rapes her. Every women needs to know that it's okay to seem rude, it's okay to be assertive, it's okay to tell some man who says, "There's such a thing as being too proud," to fuck off when you try to turn down the...more
This is a survival type book which every woman should read at some point in their lives. It helps identify possible danger from stalkers or attackers. One thing I learned from this book that is invaluable is how restraining orders are useless on people that would truly do you harm because it actually provokes the person. Any reaction at all will provoke someone who is already giving you trouble. This was a very interesting book to read. (Well, I actually got it on tape and listened to it). It is...more
Nov 11, 2007
Bridget
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
all women---particularly Southern women
God has given us the capacity for fear as a protective mechanism. Our intuition of fear is often a split-second response to multiple types of sensory information & years of life experiences. Due to social constraints, we frequently ignore our fears and do things that put us in danger either physically or emotionally. Southern women are especially unlikely to act on their fears if doing so would make others embarassed or uncomfortable. This book also has practical information about how to end...more
When I have the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-head nasties and am home on the couch, I indulge in comfort reading and pull out old favorites. The Gift of Fear may seem like an odd choice for comfort reading, but it's a very reassuring book that emphatically states what we all need to understand about the pervasiveness of violence in our society and what we can do about it. I'm especially pleased with the way he calls TV news to task for being part of the reason why people have a...more
so basically I personally think that every woman should read this book. It's geared toward women, but also applies to men, and humans in general. The storytelling combined with fact and warning is very appealing to me because this kind of stuff can get really dry really fast, but de Becker does a good job of weaving stories into his writing.
The parts of the book that deal with celebrities and violence doesn't really apply to the general population, but is definitely interesting and something to...more
The parts of the book that deal with celebrities and violence doesn't really apply to the general population, but is definitely interesting and something to...more
You have a far better defense system than you realize. That is the lesson this book strives to teach. It is an invaluable source of information on learning to recognize your intuition and natural impulses for what they are and to use them appropriately. Although the lesson is one a lot of people know instinctively, it is also one that most people fail to truly understand. This book brings home that safety is of utmost importance and that we do have a innate tool to help enhance our personal secu...more
On the first day of SFSI training for sex educators, we do an exercise called "I Don't Want To Talk About It." Trainees practice saying just that to a partner who inundates them with questions, from the mundane to the highly offensive. (And first-day sex educators can come up with some really offensive questions. Most of them are about anal sex.)
It's hard for many trainees to set that boundary, and most women especially add qualifiers:
It's hard for many trainees to set that boundary, and most women especially add qualifiers:
"I don't want to talk about that right now."...more
"I'm sorry, but
This was a really interesting book & I'd recommend that everyone read it. The reason I only gave it 3 stars is 'cause it really could have been cut down into a MUCH smaller book. Whenever he wrote about his company, I skipped it. When he wrote about celebrities, I skipped it. I skimmed/skipped large portions of the book. (If I could cut all that stuff out, I'd give it 5 stars)
The parts I DID read were very educational. He talks convincingly of not discounting your instincts, being aware of...more
The parts I DID read were very educational. He talks convincingly of not discounting your instincts, being aware of...more
We are fascinated by fear. Much as we would prefer not to feel it in our daily lives, we seem to crave it in the stories we read and the movies we watch. Gavin De Becker provides plenty for both the fascination and the factual in overcoming or preparing ourselves for fearful situations.
De Becker’s personal story is part of the fascination of this book. He now has a thriving business researching, advising and training others, but all of this came from his own childhood of fear. His ability to re...more
De Becker’s personal story is part of the fascination of this book. He now has a thriving business researching, advising and training others, but all of this came from his own childhood of fear. His ability to re...more
How could fear be a gift? If anyone out there who watches the news and has a wife, daughters, or other women in your life you care about, get them a copy of this book. I bought a copy for my daughter before sending her away to school.
The main premise is that our brain collects and can process enormous amounts of information and stimuli, that doesn't always reach our conscious mind. That's the good news. The bad news is that when it does reach our conscious mind we often ignore it or talk ourselv...more
The main premise is that our brain collects and can process enormous amounts of information and stimuli, that doesn't always reach our conscious mind. That's the good news. The bad news is that when it does reach our conscious mind we often ignore it or talk ourselv...more
This book has some really helpful information when it comes to reminding people --primarily women-- that paying attention to their gut instincts is good. However, de Becker is a bit of a proselytizer. He grew up in a violent family and managed to survive, and therefore everyone should do what he did and they'll survive too. It's frustrating that someone who grew up in a culture of domestic violence would posit that someone who gets hit by a family member/loved more than once is "a volunteer," es...more
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I tell all of my friends about it and pester them to read it.
If you are like me and analyze, as you walk home late at night, what you would do if various scenarios happened to you, and then feel silly about it when you get behind a locked door, you will appreciate this book. De Becker tells you how to hone that feeling and also when to ignore worries.
One of my favorite things is that he also addresses directly the people (usually men) who mock you for...more
If you are like me and analyze, as you walk home late at night, what you would do if various scenarios happened to you, and then feel silly about it when you get behind a locked door, you will appreciate this book. De Becker tells you how to hone that feeling and also when to ignore worries.
One of my favorite things is that he also addresses directly the people (usually men) who mock you for...more
Even though I only rated this book three stars, I cannot deny the overwhelming impact that taking its lesson can have in someone's life. I think that oftentimes people (and especially women) are discouraged from acting upon instinct, for the very biological reason that pragmatics, not strength or speed, generally determines the path of female life. Intuition is seen as a fluffy, girlie indulgence as opposed to a weapon or mechanism for survival. Under this presumption we tend to second guess our...more
First Impression Image
I have had The Gift of Fear recommended to me by several people over the years. They promised that it would change my “perspective” and really shake up my world view about intuition, violence, and survival skills.
I was resistant. I dislike self-help books—especially ones that capitalize on people’s fears.
Thankfully, this book proved me wrong and I now consider my world sufficiently shook.
Quick Overview
Gavin de Becker is a nationally renowned expert on the subject of predict...more
I have had The Gift of Fear recommended to me by several people over the years. They promised that it would change my “perspective” and really shake up my world view about intuition, violence, and survival skills.
I was resistant. I dislike self-help books—especially ones that capitalize on people’s fears.
Thankfully, this book proved me wrong and I now consider my world sufficiently shook.
Quick Overview
Gavin de Becker is a nationally renowned expert on the subject of predict...more
Fear is not anxiety, writes de Becker. Nor is it worry. Fear is an intense short-term emotion which alerts us to imminent danger. Too many of us are eaten up with all manner of concerns, from social and other phobias to irrational media-induced terrors-of-the-moment, and thus we are so desensitized to actual danger as to ignore our own strong intuitions of such. De Becker's book is about recognizing real fear as a gift and using that gift wisely.
As noted by other reviewers, "The Gift of Fear" is...more
As noted by other reviewers, "The Gift of Fear" is...more
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Gavin de Becker is an expert on the prediction and management of violence. He has served on President's Advisory Board at the U.S. Department of Justice and the Governor's Advisory Board at the California Department of Mental Health; he now runs a consulting firm which advises government agencies, universities, police departments, corporations, and media figures on the assessment of threats and ha...more
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“Most men fear getting laughed at or humiliated by a romantic prospect while most women fear rape and death.”
—
64 people liked it
“intuition is always right in at least two important ways;
It is always in response to something.
it always has your best interest at heart”
—
56 people liked it
More quotes…
It is always in response to something.
it always has your best interest at heart”

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Apr 21, 2011 11:34pm